Category Archives: Relationships

Navigating Negativity – How to Rise Above When People Try to Bring You Down

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It is inevitable that you are going to come across people who are negative by nature or perhaps go out of their way to attempt to bring you down. (Key word: attempt — because these people will never succeed and you will continue to rise above them every time 😉 ). It is important to be mindful when these occurrences happen so that you can handle them in the best ways possible and over time, you can actually prevent these situations from ever happening to begin with.

Remain Positive and Calm – It is always wise to keep your emotions at bay by remaining as cool and calm as possible. There is no need to react agitated, frustrated, annoyed, mad, etc. It is also very important to stay positive to show the other person that you are not bothered by their negativity because if they see that it has no effect, chances are, they won’t continue to bother you.

Do Not Stoop to Their Level – It is very easy to put the other person down in return out of defense or because they started to attack you but there is no need to stoop to their level. It is way more advantageous to NOT be negative in response to the other person as two wrongs don’t make a right.

Hold a Zero Tolerance Policy – By this I mean, do not even take the time to entertain people who say negative things to you or respond to it in any way. When you hold a zero tolerance policy, you won’t put in any thought or energy to what was said and just keep it moving instead. You have way more better things to think about than to engage in someone who has directed any sort of negativity towards you.

Never Take it Personally – It is a sad reality that there are certain people out there who want to put other people down to make themselves feel elevated or better about themselves to compensate for how badly they feel inside. This is their problem and not yours. That is why you should simply never take it personally. You have the choice in how it affects you so make a positive choice by not taking it personally and simply ignoring it.

Avoid These People in its Entirety – The best way to avoid negative energy is to avoid negative people altogether. When choosing friends and people to spend your quality time with, always choose people who are naturally happy and positive individuals who are genuinely going to want to be your biggest supporters. There is no need to keep negative people in your life so make it a point to cut them off completely and only make space for those who impact you in positive ways. At the end of the day, there is an abundance of positivity out there so why surround yourself with negative and miserable people? (You never should have to)!

Why Similar Lifestyles Matter in A Relationship

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Everyone’s lifestyle varies and it is unlikely to meet someone with the exact same lifestyle as you; however, finding someone with a pretty similar one is very important for long term relationship success. It is natural and okay to have differences including different hobbies but when two people live life in ways in which two people cannot easily relate to each other, it is tough to ask for either person to adapt to the other. It is also very easy for the relationship to deteriorate over time as people tend to get resentful or can simply just get tired of each other’s differences.

That is why it is of extreme importance to pay attention to a person’s overall lifestyle from the start of getting to know someone. Although lifestyle can be impacted by one’s career choice, location, and other factors–the way in which a person chooses to live their life is a personal choice that often won’t change. It is good to examine the major components of one’s lifestyle that can include:

– How does this person like to spend their free time?
– How does this person manage their money? Are they more of a spender or a saver?
– What is their idea of a vacation?
– What are their health habits? What does health/fitness mean to them?
– What are their life goals? Are they in alignment with yours?
– Where do they want to live?
– Does this person practice a religion and to what extent?
– How much time is enjoyed being spent alone and with their partner?
– What does intimacy mean to this person?

This is just a general list to go by but keep in mind that there are many other areas that can contribute to one’s lifestyle. Please note that I did not list anything that was trivial such as a person’s favorite pizza topping or sports team as I would categorize that as a personal preference and not so much associated with their lifestyle. Of course as I mentioned, nothing is going to be exact but instead, it is most important to focus on what’s SIMILAR. When two lifestyles are very similar, it allows for two people to continuously grow together while genuinely loving each other’s company even more as they are brought together by their shared interests. There is a reason why they say, “Birds of a feather, flock together” which very much applies here.

3 Ways to Leave a Positive Emotional Impact on Others

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I think when you are naturally more driven by emotions and have a higher EI (emotional intelligence), it comes natural to consciously question, “Do I emotionally impact others in a positive way?” If this is something that never really crosses your mind, then it might be time to bring some self awareness on this subject matter–especially if you consider yourself more of thinker type (one who uses their head more than their heart) or you classify yourself as an emotionless individual.

There is nothing wrong with not being a feeler type as I recognize there are many people who are not built to operate in this way. I do not think anyone should have to change their foundation or that it is even a realistic request as our genetics strongly dictate how we are hardwired to function. However, I do believe that in order to improve your personal and professional relationships, be successful in any business and/or career, and just have more positive everyday encounters, paying attention to the emotional impact you leave on others is essential. Taking the time to just be aware of how you treat others is the first major step. Even if you are emotionally clueless and have no idea how to really emotionally impact others in a positive way, there are certain practices that can implemented to increase the likelihood that a person will develop a positive feeling towards you.

Be a Good Listener and Acknowledge What They Say – In order to really develop a connection with someone, it is important to be a good listener because people want to be able to express themselves and feel like they are truly being heard. To take it a step further, not only remember what the person tells you but acknowledge what they say by applying what they tell you. For example, if the person tells you the type of music that they listen to, you can apply this information by then actually listening to their music to show your interest. From there, you can then make music suggestions based on what they tell you that they like. If you try to suggest music that you like but it’s not something they really like, then this is not really acknowledging their personal interests.

Give Meaningful Validation – People generally like to receive validation from others but when genuine and meaningful validation is given, it has a much higher emotional impact on someone than just giving validation for the sake of it. For example, if someone is an athlete, telling the person they are a great athlete might not hold too much meaning to them because this is what they do and they already are aware of their athletic strengths. If you further get to know the person on a deeper level to learn their other positive attributes which aren’t validated all too often and then compliment them on it, this will definitely make you stand out from others who just compliment them on what is obvious to them.

Show Engagement With Your Body Language – When there isn’t a verbal exchange, people will heavily rely on body language as it is very telling and can either positively or negatively rub someone the wrong way. Body language that is more open and inviting such as smiling, making eye contact, and just giving off a general positive vibe will definitely leave a more favorable impression by showing you are open and engaged in them personally. I understand there will be times that you will not want to attract too much attention from strangers but if you are entering a new social environment or workplace where first impressions matter, it might be a good idea to pay closer attention to your body language. When someone is standoffish with their body language such as never smiling, having their arms crossed, socially obvious to their surroundings, or just caught up in their own world, then this will send the message of detachment when this might not necessarily be the case.

Going Back to An Ex Immediately After a Breakup – Why It Is a Major Red Flag on Multiple Levels

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Although I do not follow much celebrity gossip these days, it is hard to escape the current headlines that are surfacing that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck reconnected and planned a getaway in Montana. Despite the fact that they were together over 15 years ago, I actually predicted that they would “get together” in some way. I was not expecting it to be this soon after her recent broken engagement with Alex Rodriguez; however, at the same time, human nature never fails to surprise me. Certain outcomes are so incredibly predictable when you take the time to understand people’s behaviors and often times, many of these same situations are portrayed on a television show, movie, or in real life. You do not need to be a celebrity to experience these things because everyday people fall in love along with going through breakups. The only major difference is that their lives are out for public display and can easily be googled if you are looking for an update on their personal status.

Every relationship is different and without much information, I am not here to judge people for their decisions and how they go about living life after a breakup. I can provide my honest feedback, general analysis, and opinion of the situation but that is the extent of it. On a fundamental level, not knowing too many details, I strongly believe going back to any ex (doesn’t matter how long ago they were dating, when they broke up, why it ended, etc.) soon after a current relationship ended is not only a red flag but I want to emphasize, a MAJOR red flag–yes, on multiple levels. I not only find it outright distasteful but it really reveals a lot about a person’s true character; specifically one’s character flaws which I will go into in further detail.

Trouble Letting Go of Their Past – I would say that most people have a really hard time letting go of their past. Their past life has a stronger impact on their present life than their actual present and future which is why you see people constantly making the same mistakes because they simply never learned the first time. It is acceptable to make mistakes in life but failing to learn from them is when it becomes a reoccurring problem. It is also troublesome dating someone who holds onto their past as you never really know if they have fully moved on and are ready to turn the page onto a new chapter.

Never Really Over the Person to Begin With – When I see someone going back to an ex on a romantic level at any given point, I always question if this person ever really got over this person at the time of the breakup. It can often show that the person never fully recovered and as a result has unresolved feelings towards someone they were previously dating.

Cannot Handle Being Single for Long Periods of Time – There are going to be times in life when you are single and when you are in a relationship. Unfortunately, you will find there are many people who feel uncomfortable when they are single and are always looking for a replacement soon after a relationship ended. I do not view this as healthy as one should be able to live a happy life with or without a significant other.

Reconnecting Just Out of Convenience – Sometimes there are no true feelings left for their ex but pursuing an ex provides stability, comfort, intimacy, and/or convenience. People should not be keeping the door open for their exes just so they can serve as “comfort objects.” (If one is looking for such a thing, stop choosing people for this purpose and maybe consider buying a cozy blanket).

Inability to Accept Change – Many people are a creature of habit which does not always have to be labeled as a bad thing but I do view it as a bad thing when one is unable to cope with a breakup (the change) and feel the need to have someone (in this case an ex) as they cannot deal with the change in its entirety so the only solution is to keep an ex around for the sake of it.

Revenge Tactic – I would say this is probably the worst reason as to why someone goes back to an ex–to make their most recent ex jealous, display a lack of empathy, and/or to show that they never really got over an ex in the first place. Sadly, I do see people do this out of revenge and no matter what the inner motive behind it is, revenge is never seen as a positive thing.

I want to point out, I do believe that organically (by that I mean by chance), it is possible for two people who once dated can cross paths later in their lives and perhaps rekindle their love again if the time apart was needed for their lives to become more aligned later as anything is possible in one’s lifetime. However, when you see someone proactively pursuing an ex RIGHT AFTER they got out of a relationship or their ex pursued them and they go for it, this is when the situation becomes problematic and one in which you want to stay far away from. At the end of the day, people are going to do what they want and are always showing you who they are as a person. When you come across a red flag, the good thing is that this actually makes it much easier to move on with your life and focus on your future. So despite red flags being a negative thing, consider them as a positive thing when they are guiding you away from someone else.

How to Know If An Extrovert Likes You (It’s Not What You Think)

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I was thinking the other day, how often times extroverts can be misinterpreted simply due to their natural friendliness and outgoing nature. They can walk into a room with ease and approach just about anyone–which is one of their many gifts. However, as a result, I think people make false assumptions that if a person is extra chatty and personable, then this person must like you. If the person is an extrovert, keep in mind that they act this way towards just about everyone because they are most energized from their social interactions. They thrive on being at social gatherings, meeting new people, and having extended conversations. Since this is their natural personality, one should not assume that their social engagement and focused attention towards someone is a form of flirtation or as a way to show a heightened interest–they are probably just being friendly (not flirty). As an extrovert myself, I never want people to mistake my social warmth as anything more than that. This is just who I am at the core and I believe other extroverts can relate that they genuinely like to connect with all types of people.

So one might wonder, “Well if extroverts are pretty much nice to everyone who they encounter, then how are you supposed to know when an extrovert actually likes you in particular?” That is a great question and I agree, it can be extra tricky to decipher their intentions when they can talk to anyone. One has to realize, that people tend to act differently around those who they desire. Usually it is not even a conscious choice, it is subconscious. Personally, if I encounter someone I like, I am actually at a loss for words. I might not have too much to say at the moment of the encounter or just become a little more withdrawn. So in other words, my personality will shift to the opposite of who I truly am and in this case, I become a little more shy. Even though normally I am very talkative, I tend to become more quiet. Again, I am not doing this intentionally, this is just my natural reaction. That is not to say I will stay mute, I will probably warm up to the other person but it might take me a little more extra time than usual.

As I pointed out above, no matter if a person is an extrovert or not, an observation to really look for is if the person’s behavior is true to who they are or if it is different. Chances are, if it is different then there is a higher chance there is some level of interest. The reason being that often times attraction and love are not rational as they stem heavily from your emotions as opposed to your head. When people say that “love is blind,” it is because it is often an irrational choice. Another example of this is, why do you think people play hard to get? It doesn’t make any sense on a rational level–why would you ignore someone who you like? In addition, people tend to also throw all their rules out the window when they like someone or in this case, react rather differently than their normal self when presented with someone who is of interest. Again, rationality and love don’t always go hand in hand. It is for this reason that you should pay closer attention when you notice a pattern is broken or there is a change in behavior. These factors can easily be overlooked but are important to look for when you are trying to figure out if someone likes you or not. The signs are often there but beneath the surface in which you just need to dig a little deeper in order to find them.

When Love Becomes a Game – Game OVER

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Many aspects of life become a game but I don’t believe your love life should ever become one. Mind you, with pursuing love or any type of relationship, there are going to be challenges along the way and no relationship is ever perfect. Even when things seem “perfect,” especially during the early stages of a relationship or during the honeymoon phase as they call it, do not fall into the illusion that everything will remain that way at all times. However, at the very least, things should be very easy in the beginning, especially when two people mutually want to be with each other and explore where their love can go.

Keep in mind, that the early stages of dating someone are always very telling. When I hear someone tell me about the complications, the mixed signals, the emotional letdowns, drama, etc. at the very beginning, my immediate thought is: Don’t just walk but run away from these situations as they should be avoided in its entirety. Why do you want to start a relationship or even invest your time in someone who is playing games with your heart? I do not care how attractive they are. I do not care how much you have in common. I do not care how much money they have. I do not care how much you like them. I do not care how much you think that they like you in return–because guess what, if the person liked you, why would they cause tension, agony, frustration, and grief? The focus would be on TOGETHERNESS and making that effort to not only BE WITH YOU but also to MAKE YOU HAPPY. Why would a person who genuinely likes you go days without contact? If they liked you, they would never want to go even a single day out of touch. Also be careful when you notice a person message you constantly but yet they never make the time to actually see you in-person, spend any quality time, or they make plans but constantly are canceling. (FYI, I call that a glorified pen pal or perhaps a waste of time–you can be the judge).

It is crucial to pay close attention as to when love becomes a game and to pick up on the red flags before the jump to prevent developing any sort of attachment to this person. It is a game you never want to play and one in which you need to withdraw from as soon as you are aware that this is all it is.

Besides the beginning, it is possible that love can turn into a game later during the course of the relationship and the same rule applies here, once you notice this–you are up and OUT. Remember: Game over. An example of this is when a person is incredibly devoted and locked into the relationship but over time, you notice communication becomes less frequent or the person is showing signs they are ghosting you. Do everyone a favor and just end it if that begins to happen. Why settle on someone who appears to be less interested or who is slacking on providing you with the love you deserve? Even if the other person is not intentionally trying to play games with your emotions, it does not matter what the INTENT is, what matters is the OUTCOME. If the outcome is not in your favor, you just have to make it a point to remove yourself as soon as possible. Although it might take time, please know that you will get over them as soon as you make the firm decision to move forward with your life and let the person go. Be patient with the process and true love (not some “love game” nonsense) will actually come knocking on your door when you are ready for it. Trust me, love is on the way so make sure you create the space in your life for it to arrive when the time is right. 😉 ❤

My Thoughts on Casual Relationships – Can They Work?

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People often question what the rules are when it comes to casual relationships and if they are worth pursuing. When I refer to a casual relationship, I am NOT referring to a one night stand but more specifically, a relationship that is not serious with any true commitment attached to it but at the same time, it is an on going relationship. This might include quality time spent and/or intimacy as well. Every situation is different and can vary. I honestly have nothing wrong with casual relationships as sometimes it is the right choice for someone who might not be looking to get married or perhaps for someone who just got out of a relationship and are not really looking to get too emotionally invested within their next relationship. So who am I to judge? It is a personal choice and sometimes more beneficial to be in a casual relationship than a serious one because it tends to be low stress and less maintenance. I do believe it can work but only under a few conditions:

Zero Attachment to the Outcome – Unfortunately, people get caught up in casual relationships with the hope that it can lead to a serious relationship and feelings to develop over time. You cannot go into a casual relationship with any hope for something more than what it currently is. Sometimes the outcome can change over time but the majority of the time, it does not and that is the reason why it is labeled casual to begin with. So if you are going to choose to have a casual relationship, accept it for what it is–it is CASUAL which means you should not hold onto any false hope that it can lead to a deeper connection, love, or anything all too meaningful to the other person.

No Romantic Feelings – It is never wise to go into a casual relationship if you have some sort of feelings towards the other person, especially if they made it clear to you that they do not feel the same way. Reason being that you are emotionally investing in someone with not much of a return other than having their time and company. It goes both ways and if you know the other person has feelings for you, you should not pursue the casual relationship as they will probably be resentful towards you as time goes on and it is not right to mislead someone who likes you more than you like them. It is much better to let a person go completely than to selfishly stay with someone for the sake of it, convenience, and/or to pass time when you know this person wants more than you can give.

100% Mutual Between Two People – The only way it can truly work out is if both people want the same thing which in this case means a relationship that isn’t all too serious. If two people genuinely want that, then it is a win/win situation and can be successful.

The biggest problem with casual relationships is that many people tend to go into them having some expectation that it can lead to more or there are already feelings of attachment. The only way it can work is if two people are okay with not putting too much emphasis on building anything substantial from it. Bottom line: Take casual at face value and enjoy it as an easy going relationship without trying to establish a secure future. If this is not what you are looking for, then do not even bother getting yourself involved and hold out for a relationship that provides more value and meaning. There is no need to settle for anything less than what you truly want. Be crystal clear in what you want from the Universe and be comfortable with saying no to people who are not willing to give you what you want because you are only clearing the path for the right person to come into your life to give you everything (and much more 😉 ).

Why Going Back to An Ex Has A Negative Impact On Your Spiritual Path and Self Development

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A friend had asked me a few days ago, “Do you miss any of your exes and wish you could go back to any of them?” Without a hint of hesitation, my response was, “Absolutely, NOT.” Does this make me a cold hearted individual? No, not at all. I look at it like this: The past needs to stay in the past. Life should be progressing forward. In order to spiritually grow and create a brighter future for yourself, the ship needs to sail to a new destination (in this case, a new relationship or happily single to work on yourself also applies here too).

You can still appreciate what the relationship brought to you at that moment and I encourage you to do so. With the good times, there were also life lessons. I never regret any of my previous relationships because that is what the Universe attracted into my life during that time and even though it did not last forever, it still served a purpose. No matter the duration, I never look at it as “wasted time” and no one should ever view it that way. Do you look at your previous jobs as wasted time if you did not stay at one company the entire time? No, of course not because this is what you choose to be a part of your life experience and most people explore multiple job opportunities within their career path.

Relationships shape you as an individual but they also prepare you for someone even better. Yes, you heard me. Your future is going to be far more superior than your past. In order for that scenario to play out, you need to believe that with every ounce of your soul (not just because I said you so) along with taking the ACTION needed to make that happen for yourself. This means completely letting go of your past without leaving any open doors for an ex to creep back in–unfortunately, we all know there are many desperate and needy people out there who try to knock on the door for another chance. This also means having the mental strength to not want to revisit the past either. In other words, it goes both ways. You have to shut the door but you also have to have the burning desire to want to start over with a clean slate. If you are despairingly in search of finding a new partner simply to replace your ex when your mind is still not over the last person you dated, then you clearly have not taken the definitive action that is needed to clear your past.

Whether you broke it off or they did or maybe it was mutual, cut your losses and move on with your life. Trust me, it is for the greater good for everyone because each person can grow from the experience and move onto a new life path. Personally, I find it exciting to know what the future will bring than to ever even consider pursuing a failed relationship. If it did not work out the first time, what is the point in going back? For security? Convenience? Comfort? Lack of belief that there is a better suited match? People tend to go back for the wrong reasons, settle for less than they deserve, and/or stay attached to a false hope that they will reunite with an ex. In certain situations, I think there is room for optimism but the majority of time, it just isn’t worth it. Remember, as I often like to quote from Frank Sinatra’s famous song title, “The best is yet to come.” You just have not experienced it just yet but keep your mind open to the possibilities because the Universe will make it happen (this does not only apply to love, it applies to everything in life!)–Trust the process and you shall receive its greatest gifts! 😉

A Quality Often Overlooked Within a Relationship But Quite An Important One

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There are many qualities to look for when in the pursuit of a meaningful relationship and everyone’s personal criteria and love map can vary. This can also change over time in which something you valued in your youth might not even be within your current criteria. Perhaps there was a quality that you thought was a high priority only to find that after experiencing it, you came to the realization it is not something you want anymore. My point is, there are many qualities that exist with some being more important than others just depending on the person you talk to or someone you choose to date. If you were to ask someone what they look for, common answers can include: Trust, intelligence, career driven, generous, wealthy, physically attractive, etc. However, a quality that I do not hear too many people talk about but I find to be quite an important one is examining a person’s emotional stability.

Emotional stability to me can translate into many things and is something you can really pick up most through a person’s behaviors and (re)actions (actions as well but I want to emphasize reactions). I do not think you can really ask someone how emotionally stable they are and expect a direct and honest answer in response. This is why you need to pay close attention to how a person behaves and reacts to really get a good assessment. More specifically, here are some things to consider:

– How does this person handle rejection?
– How does this person react (ex: anger, sadness, indifference, etc.) during a conflict?
– Is this person able to take accountability and apologize when they are wrong?
– How does this person cope with a failed relationship?
– Does this person have trouble letting go of any emotional baggage from their past?
– What happens when something does not go their way?
– How quickly can this person bounce back from a bad situation?
– How does this person react towards a major life crisis along with more trivial matters?
– How does this person treat their friends and family when there is a conflict?
– How are you treated when there is a problem within the relationship?

I can probably make a longer list but these are some questions to think about when you are in the process of getting to know someone new. You might not be able to get all the answers immediately but you should absolutely keep these in the back of your mind from the start and during the course of the relationship. Emotional stability is an important quality to look for because it is a fundamental component needed in building a healthy relationship which often will increase the chance of long term success.

Pursuit of Independent Happiness – Why It Is Needed Within Your Personal Relationships

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I know the title might sound like a bit of a contradiction. On the one hand, you should pursue your own independent happiness yet how can a personal relationship survive if you are only focusing on your self development and life goals? That’s a good question but I am here to provide you with an explanation as to why it is important to continue your pursuit of independent happiness for the greater good of your personal relationships.

Often times when people get locked into a serious relationship, there are sacrifices that are needed to be made to keep the relationship going which can include one or both partners being in a position that they are forced to put their personal goals in the back burner. In addition, usually one although sometimes both people might become too overly dependent on the other person as their primary source of happiness. This is where relationships can become unhealthy and ultimately fall apart over time. Why? You need two independently happy individuals. Each need their own set of life goals, interests, social lives, and things that they do that is completely separate from their partner. Together, they can build each other up and support each other but each person needs to still prioritize their own best interests and build a strong foundation from within above anything else as opposed to giving all this up once finding someone to share their life with. If you have one person on a path of success while the other is still “figuring it out,” I do not think this is an ideal match because being at two very different stages of life can create its own set of challenges unless the more successful partner is okay with this dynamic and can accept things as they are. Remember, any relationship has the potential to last but this requires the right amount of effort, patience, and commitment from two people who are willing to put in the work to preserve the longevity of the relationship.

If you find that you are not happy where you are in the current state of your life, then continue to work on it! Think positively by knowing that many great things in life take time to manifest and are worth the wait. Stay patient, determined, consistent, and stay on a focused path to get to where you need to go in your life to provide you the independent happiness you are striving for. Even if that means forgoing being in a relationship right now, know that investing the extra time in yourself is ultimately the best investment you could be making not only for you but for when the time is right for that special someone to walk into your life. 😉 By the time you are ready, you can then actually offer them the very best version of yourself which is a key component in building a healthy, fulfilling, and everlasting personal relationship.