Category Archives: Subconscious Mind

What is a Love Map? – Understanding How It Can Influence Your Relationship Partner Choices

I think the concept of a love map is rather interesting and really would explain why people gravitate towards the people they choose to date or the people they form a crush on. I would describe a love map as a personalized criteria of what a person is looking for in a mate that is heavily influenced by childhood experiences, their environment, and the overall needs needed to provide them fulfillment within a relationship (often times, this includes their psychological unmet needs).

Do you ever notice that you might have a specific type look wise or there are certain types of people you automatically would never date even if they put their very best efforts to woo you? You might also be faced with situations that you are attracted to someone who you never thought you would date based on the surface but somehow you manage to completely fall in love with that person. The reason why you cannot always put your finger on it is because we all have our own love map that guides us to that final destination–in this case to the person we ideally want to be with as they fulfill most of the items on our love maps. I often times bring up the conscious vs. subconscious mind in which the love map is developed within your subconscious mind even though you might have a conscious list of things you look for in a partner.

When relating this to your childhood, the bond you have with your parents, especially your opposite gender parent (whether positive or negative) really can serve as a contributing factor in what will make up items on your love map. For example, when I look at my own childhood, I had a stay at home father who was very attentive to my all my needs, especially my emotional needs. Now on a conscious level, I would not say that I am looking for a man who wants to be a stay at home dad. On a conscious level, I would say I want to be with a man who is career driven; however, on a deep subconscious level, the truth of the matter is that I really do gravitate towards men with a very caring demeanor (like my father) who often times do NOT end up being career driven, and are very sweet with a big heart. Being that this was an environmental factor that I was exposed to growing up, this very much explains why I often times always end up with someone who is more on the softer side and more of an emotionally in tuned individual because my childhood experience shaped my belief to value this quality which ultimately became a quality on my love map. I might say I am proactively looking for one thing (in this case, someone who I label as career driven) but what ultimately controls the choice I make is based on my personal love map which has already been created and stored away in my subconscious mind. This is not to say you cannot have someone who possesses both these qualities, I am just pointing out what outweighs the other when both are presented to you. Often times, your love map cannot be altered as many of the things that are on it really developed subconsciously at such a young age as you’re growing up and transitioning into adulthood.

The love map is a great tool to be mindful of when you are in the dating world and in the process of getting to know someone else. It is probably a bit too bold and forward to flat out ask someone, “So what exactly is on your love map?” as many would not even know what that is or have a concrete answer to it; however when getting to know someone, if you really examine their childhood and environment growing up, it can help you better understand what they prioritize in a meaningful relationship and life partner. Knowing this information can help you determine if you are the right fit for them as they are for you but keep in mind that you do not have the power to change the other person’s love map while also keeping in mind that if you personally do not have the majority of the items on their love map, chances are this will not change over time and the person will not have the capacity to form a deep attachment to you.

The Power of Affirmations – Why They Work on Some and Not Others and How to Make Them Work for You

Often times people associate affirmations with the law of attraction or as a way to set goals. I believe affirmations can be very effective when used properly. An affirmation is a firm positive statement that should be written in the present tense as though you are currently experiencing it and in a first person point of view. The best way to utilize affirmations is to repeat them on a daily basis and I even strongly suggest writing them down on index cards so you can read them whenever you want on a daily basis.

There are many benefits to writing positive affirmations and they are indeed very powerful. Here is a list of reasons why they can enhance your life and bring you closer to everything you desire:

– Affirmations keep you laser focused on the things you want. The more your mind focuses on something, the more it will find ways to achieve the desired outcome. People have to understand that this is not an overnight process but if you constantly are thinking about what you want, you will be taking those steps to get there.

– The subconscious mind is said to be more powerful than your conscious mind. Knowing this, feeding your subconscious mind with affirmations along with images of the things you want will program your subconscious mind towards success, confidence, and overall a stronger mindset that will help you obtain your deepest desires.

– Positive affirmations are meant to keep you in a positive state of mind! It is easy to have negative thoughts every so often but when you make a conscious effort to stay positive through the use of positive affirmations, you are eliminating those bad thoughts that might be preventing you from reaching your goals.

So why exactly do affirmations not work on everyone? The problem is, if you have mental road blocks and reasons in your mind that your positive affirmation statements are not valid or accurate, then repeating these positive statements are never going to sink into your subconscious mind. For example, if you truly believe that you put on weight easily from everything you eat, then an affirmation stating that you are happy being healthier and at your ideal weight is never really going to manifest. You have two very conflicting thoughts going on simultaneously and the one that you actually believe in (in this case the negative one) is going to overpower your efforts to stay healthy and fit. When writing your affirmations, you need to focus on what you WANT and not what you don’t want. If you write something along the lines of, “I do not want to gain weight,” even though that is an accurate statement, it is not really written in a positive way. Instead if you were to write, “I am in love with my sexy, fit, and healthy body” then your subconscious mind is under the belief that you possess a healthy body, NOT that you ‘do not want to gain weight’ which means that you are unfit because you are telling yourself you are this way. Do you see the difference between these two thoughts?

How can you maximize the results of positive affirmations so they work for you? For starters, you really need to dig deep and think about exactly everything you want at the present moment. It is okay and highly recommended that you think big even if it is so far from your current reality. Now write everything down and include as many specific details as possible. After you write your ideas, now craft them into positive affirmation statements. As I mentioned, I like writing them on index cards and/or keeping them in a journal as well. I personally like to write the date that I wrote the affirmations on the card so I remember when I wrote them and I can then assess how long it took me to manifest my goal. For the positive affirmations that are specific goals, I do like to assign deadlines however; I do not assign exact timelines for everything as certain affirmations are ongoing and ones I carry throughout my lifetime (such as health related affirmations). The key is to now repeat them on a daily basis. It is recommended that they are repeated when you wake up and when you go to bed. Personally, I only like to read them before bed but I advise the more often you read them, the better because then your mind is constantly focused on them. I look at it like this, positive affirmations are like vitamins–you take them every day and in this case, they are meant to help make your mental wellbeing become healthier and stronger over time.

Final Note: Did you know that Jim Carrey back in 1985 wrote himself a 10 million dollar check for acting services that was dated for 1995 in which he kept in his wallet? Can you guess what happened 10 years later by 1995? By November 1995, he got casted for “Dumb and Dumber” for the amount of 10 million dollars. Coincidence? I think NOT.

My point at the end of all of this is, in order for your positive affirmations to work for you, you need to believe it 100% and repeat them constantly!!! Get rid of your negative thoughts and anything that could be deterring you from the big picture–the life of your dreams! You deserve it! Now go manifest it! 😉

How to Manifest What You Want in Life by Creating a Vision Board / Universe Journal

A few months ago, I wrote an article about manifestation and how the very first step is to simply just think about the things you want because often times “thoughts become things.” Of course just thinking about something will not make something you want magically appear because there needs to be some action to get you towards the end goal. Before taking actual action steps, I want to talk about an important spiritual tool that will get you in a manifestation state of mind. Many people talk about making a vision board although I have what I like to call a “Universe journal” which pretty much represents the same thing. A vision board is a visual representation of the things you want in your life which can be created by making a collage with photos and pictures to represent this. It can cover something very specific such as your career goals or cover a wide range of areas in your life such as home, relationships, travel, health, etc. It can also include words such as quotes, affirmations, and anything that would keep you inspired and motivated. I actually do not have a vision board but as I mentioned, I keep a Universe journal which I created a few years ago and I add images or write things down in it every so often whenever I stumble across something I want to add or whenever I read something inspirational that I want to store permanently. I like keeping it in the form of a journal so it is like a book that I can reference at any given time.

In terms of where to keep it, the best thing to do is place it on your nightstand so you can look at it at night before bed and/or in the morning when you first wake up. It has to be within your sight or else, out of sight, out of mind. I believe the more times you look at it, the more these images are imprinted in your subconscious mind which will propel you to want to manifest it and make these things come to life.

In addition, I do like to write down my goals on index cards in the beginning of a new year (“Universe cards”) and sometimes I will write some new ones throughout the year when I think of new things I want to attract into my life. They key is being very specific and writing down as many exact details as you can. If you write down that you want to buy a house, this is a good goal but you should think more about the specifics such as the location, budget you have in mind, how many rooms, the layout, etc. If you are not exactly sure of the details, you can always add them later when you reflect on them more. I think it can be helpful to write a deadline although I would not get too hung up on this unless it truly is a time sensitive goal. Many things in life can take time and so you cannot expect this to be an overnight process.

I know there are people who are going to be reading this and think this is all made up. I notice the people who are not in touch with their spirituality usually consider this to be a waste of time or just do not believe in the power of manifestation along with the concept of the laws of attraction. If you possess a negative attitude towards this activity, then it probably will not work because you truly need to believe in it.

I did not become very aware or in touch with my spirituality until probably after college. It truly amazes me how much I want actually has manifested over time (and currently is in the manifesting process 😉 ) through visualization. It works because you are putting a greater mental focus on your goals when you actually take the time to lay them out visually and then look at them frequently. Sometimes when I manifest something, even I cannot help but think to myself, “Wow, it is unbelievable this is working” which is why I continue these spiritual practices and I encourage people to do the same. `

Psychology of Unmet Needs and How it Affects Your Love Life

When it comes to love, there are many contributions as to what attracts you to one person over someone else. Partially these choices are made on a conscious level, a set of criteria that is more concrete such as wanting to be with someone with a certain level of education or religious background. These are conscious selections and essentially dating preferences that are of importance to you. However, even more of your love life is determined on a subconscious level in which it is not something you can really control unless you really examine your childhood and your past including past relationships. This leads me to the concept of “psychology of unmet needs.” I would describe this term as a psychological need(s) that holds value to you but has never been obtained before or it was and might have been taken away at some point of your life which has lead to you longing to fulfill it again in some way.

The psychology of unmet needs can overlap into many areas of your life but it can especially relate to your dating life and would explain why you gravitate towards a certain person or fall into a pattern of being attracted to the same types of people in your lifetime. I will provide a few examples to further illustrate this.

Examining a Person’s Childhood – No one comes from a perfect childhood so if you really examine it, you can discover a person’s unmet needs and as a result, knowing this will help you better understand what they are looking for within a relationship to compensate or make up for what was missing.

Example #1: If a girl grew up in a household that was very unstable and included some financial insecurities, chances are she will either become very motivated to become rich or she will desperately be seeking a partner who will be an exceptionally good provider and have a career that will ensure financial wealth. Typically, anyone who suffers from a lack of resources (basic necessities such as food or shelter) or has severe money problems (incapability to pay bills on time or keeping a steady job) will naturally be drawn to someone who has established wealth or is on the path of becoming very rich to compensate for this lack of financial stability. Many people like to stereotype all women as “gold diggers” but the truth of the matter is, if a woman grew up with resources where all her basic needs were met and/or she has her own successful career without ever facing any real money problems, she is not going to be as likely to be looking for a man to provide for her because it was never an unmet need of hers to begin with.

Example #2: Let’s say a boy grew up not feeling very good about himself and suffered from confidence issues due his perceived physical unattractiveness, his inability to receive validation from women, and neglect from his own parents. This is a pretty lengthy list of psychological unmet needs but by knowing all this, it makes it rather clear what he will most likely be seeking when he is looking for a potential mate. For starters, this is definitely the type of guy who is most inclined to be in search of a “trophy wife.” Due to his perceived physical unattractiveness (I say “perceived” because physical attractiveness is heavily influenced by one’s own perception of it), he will most likely develop a stronger need to find a woman that is very physically attractive and perhaps one who attracts a lot of attention from the outside world (remember–he never received enough attention growing up). This would further explain why he is more attracted to a “flashy” woman as opposed to a girl-next-door type because if he is associated with a girl who provokes much attention, then as a result, he will gain more attention and validation simply by dating her. He will also be most attracted to a woman who exudes a ton of confidence because he never felt confident in his youth. By being with a confident woman, he can ultimately elevate his own confidence level and this will make him feel even better about himself.

Talking About Past Relationships – It is healthy and normal to discuss reasons why a past relationship did not work out and you can usually find out the answer by directly asking someone. However, not everyone is as open about their past while others tend to hold things very close to their heart without disclosing too much of that information. In other words, the person can just be more private in nature or simply not want to talk about it openly in the event it was too painful or negative of an experience. If the direct approach does not work, then there is still an indirect way of still getting a sense as to why a past relationship did not work out.

Instead of straight up asking someone why their last relationship ended, by asking the person what qualities they are looking for when in a relationship, pay close attention to the given response because I guarantee you, some of the things mentioned as a necessity stems from a psychological unmet need from one of their past relationships. By reading between the lines, you can easily figure out what was missing from their last relationship just by asking what they are currently looking for.

Example #1: A guy has been dating a girl for a few weeks and the subject of past relationships comes up in conversation. He asks why her last relationship did not work out (direct approach). He finds out that her last boyfriend was not only selfish but that it was very much a one sided relationship. He never wanted to do the activities she wanted, he did not go out of his way to do things to make her happy, and everything had to be done his way without any compromises. The psychological unmet need was a healthy balance and equality within a relationship along with someone who possesses a caring disposition. In the future, this girl will most likely gravitate towards someone who will nurture and pamper her to make up for all the times she was not taken care of by her ex-boyfriend. This is very helpful information for the current guy as he does not want to make the same mistakes and will take the extra time to cater to her needs so that he can continue to date the girl and it will hopefully progress into a successful long term relationship.

Example #2: Often times during a first date, no one typically broaches the subject of past relationships as that is not always a pleasant topic and the initial conversations are usually more casual. Towards the end of a date, a girl asks what qualities are most important in a relationship (indirect approach). The guy’s response is heavily focused on the theme of trust and how he values that more than anything in a relationship. He begins his response by stating, “That is an easy answer: Trust. For me, if I can’t be with a girl I trust and I have to worry about what she is doing when she’s not around or she lies about both petty things and even more serious things, it just isn’t worth it in the long run. I do not believe anyone should have to go through a relationship having to question things all the time.” Translation: I have had a dating history where I could not trust a woman (and/or women) in my past because I had been lied to on multiple occasions and I often was left to wonder about a woman’s whereabouts or who she was with whenever we were apart. Think about it, it goes without saying that there needs to be trust in a healthy relationship between two people. If this guy is flat out explaining specific examples as to why “no one should have to go through this,” chances are because he personally has had to put up with this and he does not want to anymore moving forward. He does not specify cheating at all but it is possible he was also cheated on previously because often times people who were cheated on in their past have a stronger need for trust in their future relationships. Therefore, the psychological unmet need was trust and since it was unfilled, there is a much higher need for it versus someone who never experienced trust issues with someone in their past.

Taking the time to truly understand a person’s psychological unmet needs when pursuing a relationship is extremely beneficial in not only understanding the person better and creating a strong bond to each other but also as a way of gauging whether or not you are a good match for the future.