Tag Archives: modern dating

When Love Becomes a Game – Game OVER

Many aspects of life become a game but I don’t believe your love life should ever become one. Mind you, with pursuing love or any type of relationship, there are going to be challenges along the way and no relationship is ever perfect. Even when things seem “perfect,” especially during the early stages of a relationship or during the honeymoon phase as they call it, do not fall into the illusion that everything will remain that way at all times. However, at the very least, things should be very easy in the beginning, especially when two people mutually want to be with each other and explore where their love can go.

Keep in mind, that the early stages of dating someone are always very telling. When I hear someone tell me about the complications, the mixed signals, the emotional letdowns, drama, etc. at the very beginning, my immediate thought is: Don’t just walk but run away from these situations as they should be avoided in its entirety. Why do you want to start a relationship or even invest your time in someone who is playing games with your heart? I do not care how attractive they are. I do not care how much you have in common. I do not care how much money they have. I do not care how much you like them. I do not care how much you think that they like you in return–because guess what, if the person liked you, why would they cause tension, agony, frustration, and grief? The focus would be on TOGETHERNESS and making that effort to not only BE WITH YOU but also to MAKE YOU HAPPY. Why would a person who genuinely likes you go days without contact? If they liked you, they would never want to go even a single day out of touch. Also be careful when you notice a person message you constantly but yet they never make the time to actually see you in-person, spend any quality time, or they make plans but constantly are canceling. (FYI, I call that a glorified pen pal or perhaps a waste of time–you can be the judge).

It is crucial to pay close attention as to when love becomes a game and to pick up on the red flags before the jump to prevent developing any sort of attachment to this person. It is a game you never want to play and one in which you need to withdraw from as soon as you are aware that this is all it is.

Besides the beginning, it is possible that love can turn into a game later during the course of the relationship and the same rule applies here, once you notice this–you are up and OUT. Remember: Game over. An example of this is when a person is incredibly devoted and locked into the relationship but over time, you notice communication becomes less frequent or the person is showing signs they are ghosting you. Do everyone a favor and just end it if that begins to happen. Why settle on someone who appears to be less interested or who is slacking on providing you with the love you deserve? Even if the other person is not intentionally trying to play games with your emotions, it does not matter what the INTENT is, what matters is the OUTCOME. If the outcome is not in your favor, you just have to make it a point to remove yourself as soon as possible. Although it might take time, please know that you will get over them as soon as you make the firm decision to move forward with your life and let the person go. Be patient with the process and true love (not some “love game” nonsense) will actually come knocking on your door when you are ready for it. Trust me, love is on the way so make sure you create the space in your life for it to arrive when the time is right. 😉 ❤

Why I Don’t Believe in Ghosting and What You Should be Doing Instead

In the context of modern dating, ghosting has become very much a common phenomenon. Essentially it is when a person you have established a connection with or perhaps are seriously dating completely falls off the face of the earth. This can happen in various forms but I would say the most popular is via text as this is the easiest way to casually stay in contact with someone which makes it even easier to go cold turkey and completely stop responding to the messages altogether. To officially label it as ghosting, it has to be a current scenario where there was a period of daily communication with the person and after a few failed attempts, the person without warning just disappears.

If an actual emotional connection had been established on either end and/or you were seeing the person consistently, I do not think it is ever appropriate to ghost someone once you made a firm decision on your terms that you no longer want to talk or get together with the person anymore. I view the act of ghosting as a sea of many negative things: selfish, cowardly, cold, immature, and insensitive just to name a few.

In a situation where you met the person one time or there was truly no connection to begin with, a valid reason as to why you no longer want to talk to the person might not be necessary and yes, you do not owe an explanation in those circumstances. However, if you were connected in any way whether it be emotionally, spiritually, or physically, I think the right thing to do instead of ghosting is to just be one hundred percent transparent and straight up with the person. Even if you know that it might not be what the other person wants to hear, at the very least you earn a level of respect for being straightforward while also saving the other person their mental sanity and time from analyzing the situation more than is needed to do so. I don’t fully understand why it is difficult for people to express with their words that there no longer is an interest or whatever the specifics may be. I know it might appear harsh or you might fear you are hurting the person’s feelings but you are ultimately helping the person by telling the truth than to just ignore the person without a reason. I think ignoring someone is way more hurtful than just delivering the hard truth.

For me personally, as the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy” and this should apply to most everything in life including your personal relationships. I do not think I can ever think of a time I ever ghosted someone because I just do not see it as the morally right thing to do to someone if the person liked me on some deeper level and was emotionally invested in any way. The times I was not interested in really seeing someone anymore, I would just spell it out and give an explanation. It does not have to be a super drawn out explanation either. I think open communication is always more effective in the long run and it is more beneficial to give someone proper closure than to make someone question what happened or be left in a state of confusion as to what lead up to the demise of the relationship.

So the next time you are in a dating situation, relationship, or even friendship that you would like to end altogether, rather than ghosting or running away from the situation, just find a way to be honest with yourself and the other person. Remember, you are doing everyone a favor by simply expressing your true intentions.