Category Archives: Attraction

A Setback is Actually Life’s Way of Creating a Set Up

Have you ever encountered what appeared to be a setback in your life? You might not have gotten a job you wanted or an opportunity that you were striving for at the current moment. While many might experience feelings of frustration, negativity, sadness, or even anger–this is a time to stay positive and shift your mindset to the idea that a better opportunity will be knocking on your door at a later time and when the time is right for you. In order for this to happen though, the key is that you need to actually believe in this! You need to understand that the Universe is full of abundance and when one door closes (or in this case never opened), that there are plenty of open doors on the horizon (whoever said there can only be one πŸ˜‰ –there is no need to limit yourself).

I know in the present moment, it can be hard to think and feel this way. You might feel a deep sense of emptiness which is normal and it is totally justified to feel that way but it is up to you to hold those feelings only temporarily. Meaning that they will eventually go away and that you cannot allow them to stay permanently because then you will continue to cloud your mind with more negativity and mental setbacks to prevent you from manifesting life’s many set ups that are in store for you. So let’s trust the Universe and stay positive in order to keep the doors open for more setups to come, shall we? πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

“I Want to Take Things Slow” – What is the Translation?

When dating, the way in which the relationship is paced can vary depending on various factors such as the comfort level of the individual and what the ultimate relationship goals are. Sometimes a person will flat out declare, “I want to take things slow.” I think this can be interpreted in one of many ways and there is not exactly one definitive answer as to what this means. There are certain instances it is apparent the reasoning while other times, you just need to be patient to better understand the other person’s point of view, especially if there is not much clarity to back it up.

Not Fully Out of Last Relationship – If there are any loose ends from their last relationship or a person has not mentally recovered from the outcome of their last relationship, it can be expected that the person will want to move at a slower pace before getting too deep into the next relationship they pursue.

Fear of Commitment – Not everyone is able to fully commit to someone or are in a place in their life where they want that at the present moment. Typically if someone is not interested in a commitment, it is just easier to say they ‘want to take it slow’ than to completely spell out their true intentions–especially if this puts them at risk that the other person won’t want to stay unless there is a commitment. Keep in mind, if the reason stems from a fear of commitment or simply not wanting to commit to you, the person might never be ready or it could take an extended period of time.

Not Wanting to Be Vulnerable – It can take certain people a very long time to open up to another person. In addition, some prefer to protect their feelings out of the fear of getting rejected or abandoned in the long run. So rather than emotionally connecting to the person they are dating, to protect oneself from potentially getting hurt, the person will tend to be more guarded when proceeding with any relationship.

Multiple Options – When someone has multiple options, there is no need to really progress any of their personal relationships on a fast track because they want to compare all of their options and see which person is the best match out of all the options on hand. They might also enjoy dating multiple people or not be looking for anything serious in which none of their options will end up turning into serious leads.

Setting Boundaries – It is important to set boundaries in any relationship and sometimes this is said to do exactly that. By making this statement, it signifies to the other person to not ask for too much too soon while also putting a slight psychological wall up. It might just take some time for them to feel comfortable around you and for their boundaries to slowly come down.

Moving Too Fast Too Soon – Maybe the style in which the relationship started moved at a much quicker pace than they were ready for or perhaps their previous relationship moved too fast in which they are more consciously aware that they want to slow things down and pump the brakes a little bit.

Interest Level is Uncertain – If someone is unsure where they stand with their feelings towards someone, it makes sense to want to take things slow. It does not mean the person does not like you, their level of interest just might not have reached an intense level where they are 100% all in. Attraction is not always an instant spark but often times can be a slow build between two people which could very well have started out as friends and potentially lead into something deeper over time.

Very Focused on Career/Goals – People who are extremely focused on their careers, school, and other life goals typically do not prioritize their personal relationships. This is not to say they do not have an interest in pursuing one, it just means the person has many obligations which can prevent them from giving as much as they can within a relationship so it is to their advantage “to take things slow” so they can still stay focused on their goals while exploring the idea of building a new relationship.

One Day at a Time Approach – Some people approach just about all their relationships and many other areas of their lives on a day-by-day basis. There is nothing wrong with that as some people just need more time before really transitioning the relationship into a more serious one. This is the play it safe route and applies to someone who pursues most things with caution and mindfulness.

There are many reasons why people may want to take things at a slower rate which might feel like a negative thing initially but it does not necessarily have to translate this way. It really comes down to the personality, past relationship experience, life goals, dating preferences, and other individual factors that can dictate the pace in which they want their relationship to unfold. Some people like to move at a slower rate while others move more quickly but at the end of the day, you need to be respectful towards the needs of the other person while also keeping in mind what you are truly looking for. If you find things are not progressing at the rate you feel comfortable with, you can choose to be patient or to move on altogether.

Why Do Some People Have Types While Others Don’t? / Do You Still Have a Chance if You are Not Someone’s Type?

Most people consciously or unconsciously have a “type” although this might not be the case for everyone. For those who do not have a type, this could be due to the fact that the person lacks dating experience, does not have preset preferences, or possesses an open minded mindset when dating. Some people truly just do not know what they are looking for so they do not have a preconceived notion of the type of person they want to be with. Others might not be too picky because they lack an abundance mindset and think more along the lines of, “Beggars can’t be choosers” meaning having a type just does not even exist in their mind because they believe their options are limited to begin with.

Although by type, this is often looks based, this could also include other criteria involved such as education, profession, etc. Those who have a set type can have one for numerous reasons. For one, the person might associate certain traits with a certain look. A woman might be attracted to an older man not based on his looks necessarily but because she associates an older man to be more established, financially stable, and to be a provider which might be all things she highly values in a partner.

Another consideration is when someone has a failed relationship, it is quite common to see the person choose the same type, whether they realize it or proactively choose to. This could occur because they are not fully over their ex and there were certain characteristics or a look that this person had in which they want to recreate that again in their future dating life. This would mean by default, they end up choosing someone who can look very similar to someone who they previously dated.

Furthermore, a type often is developed during a person’s childhood and within the environment they grew up in. This can happen in one of two ways. There could be a certain look that a person might not have been exposed to as often growing up which actually piques their interest due to scarcity which in turn makes this type more valuable in the eyes of the beholder OR the opposite where a certain type they were overly exposed to or had positive experiences with could be their type because they just naturally feel comfortable around them.

There are also certain people who are laser focused on what they want in life and know what they are looking for. This category typically has a specific type in their mind so until they find someone who fits the mold, they will not be too interested in those who are not their “type.”

So what does this mean if you are not exactly someone’s type? Does this mean you do not have a chance with this person? The answer is no! If you understand what it is about their type that they most value, have some understanding of their love map, and a good amount of patience, then you can still attract this person into your life and perhaps make them fall completely in love with you. As specific as someone might be about what they are looking for, you would be amazed how often the person can still equally fall for someone who is not their type whatsoever. I see it happen all the time and it has even happened to me. This is because love [often times] is not a rational choice so never think you do not have a chance with someone if you’re not someone who they would normally go for because you might very well be able to prove them otherwise. πŸ˜‰

You Need to Be A Catch Before You Can Catch the Best Fish

I was having a conversation with someone who needed some advice about dating and was not having much luck with it. I think the dating world can be a tough place to be in, I understand that but if you find that you are consistently unlucky in terms of finding matches or people who want to date you, then a different approach is needed. The main focus should be on yourself and what makes you a desirable person. I think often times many people set very high standards for the type of person they want to be with and can be very picky in terms of who they want to date. That is great to know what you are looking for and setting the bar; however, are you also setting the bar that high for yourself? If the question is no, then how can one expect to attract the best matches or any match to begin with?

I come across this quite often when people tell me that they cannot really meet someone and it is very obvious the reason. The harsh reality is this: The person does not have much to offer. There could be one or many contributing factors that lead me to that conclusion such as a lack of self care, unhealthy habits, no clear career path, money problems, lack of self love, etc. In order to be ready for the dating world, wouldn’t one want to be able to offer their best version of themselves to the world? The first step is to become that best version of self because in the process of doing so, I can guarantee that you will automatically without putting any effort into impressing someone else attract someone who would want to pursue you. That essentially is how the law of attraction works. You put in the right positive energy (in this case, investing in yourself) and you attract that positive energy back your way.

At the end of the day, you need to be a catch before you can catch the best fish. πŸ˜‰ This does not just apply to dating, this can apply to anything such as landing a job or receiving a promotion. You really need to focus on being a catch first and everything else will follow. You will be able to catch the best fish and by this I mean opportunities simply by putting in the work necessary to be best version of yourself. You also have to really want this for yourself before you focus on wanting to be with someone else. That should always be your first priority.

What is a Love Map? – Understanding How It Can Influence Your Relationship Partner Choices

I think the concept of a love map is rather interesting and really would explain why people gravitate towards the people they choose to date or the people they form a crush on. I would describe a love map as a personalized criteria of what a person is looking for in a mate that is heavily influenced by childhood experiences, their environment, and the overall needs needed to provide them fulfillment within a relationship (often times, this includes their psychological unmet needs).

Do you ever notice that you might have a specific type look wise or there are certain types of people you automatically would never date even if they put their very best efforts to woo you? You might also be faced with situations that you are attracted to someone who you never thought you would date based on the surface but somehow you manage to completely fall in love with that person. The reason why you cannot always put your finger on it is because we all have our own love map that guides us to that final destination–in this case to the person we ideally want to be with as they fulfill most of the items on our love maps. I often times bring up the conscious vs. subconscious mind in which the love map is developed within your subconscious mind even though you might have a conscious list of things you look for in a partner.

When relating this to your childhood, the bond you have with your parents, especially your opposite gender parent (whether positive or negative) really can serve as a contributing factor in what will make up items on your love map. For example, when I look at my own childhood, I had a stay at home father who was very attentive to my all my needs, especially my emotional needs. Now on a conscious level, I would not say that I am looking for a man who wants to be a stay at home dad. On a conscious level, I would say I want to be with a man who is career driven; however, on a deep subconscious level, the truth of the matter is that I really do gravitate towards men with a very caring demeanor (like my father) who often times do NOT end up being career driven, and are very sweet with a big heart. Being that this was an environmental factor that I was exposed to growing up, this very much explains why I often times always end up with someone who is more on the softer side and more of an emotionally in tuned individual because my childhood experience shaped my belief to value this quality which ultimately became a quality on my love map. I might say I am proactively looking for one thing (in this case, someone who I label as career driven) but what ultimately controls the choice I make is based on my personal love map which has already been created and stored away in my subconscious mind. This is not to say you cannot have someone who possesses both these qualities, I am just pointing out what outweighs the other when both are presented to you. Often times, your love map cannot be altered as many of the things that are on it really developed subconsciously at such a young age as you’re growing up and transitioning into adulthood.

The love map is a great tool to be mindful of when you are in the dating world and in the process of getting to know someone else. It is probably a bit too bold and forward to flat out ask someone, “So what exactly is on your love map?” as many would not even know what that is or have a concrete answer to it; however when getting to know someone, if you really examine their childhood and environment growing up, it can help you better understand what they prioritize in a meaningful relationship and life partner. Knowing this information can help you determine if you are the right fit for them as they are for you but keep in mind that you do not have the power to change the other person’s love map while also keeping in mind that if you personally do not have the majority of the items on their love map, chances are this will not change over time and the person will not have the capacity to form a deep attachment to you.

The Power of Affirmations – Why They Work on Some and Not Others and How to Make Them Work for You

Often times people associate affirmations with the law of attraction or as a way to set goals. I believe affirmations can be very effective when used properly. An affirmation is a firm positive statement that should be written in the present tense as though you are currently experiencing it and in a first person point of view. The best way to utilize affirmations is to repeat them on a daily basis and I even strongly suggest writing them down on index cards so you can read them whenever you want on a daily basis.

There are many benefits to writing positive affirmations and they are indeed very powerful. Here is a list of reasons why they can enhance your life and bring you closer to everything you desire:

– Affirmations keep you laser focused on the things you want. The more your mind focuses on something, the more it will find ways to achieve the desired outcome. People have to understand that this is not an overnight process but if you constantly are thinking about what you want, you will be taking those steps to get there.

– The subconscious mind is said to be more powerful than your conscious mind. Knowing this, feeding your subconscious mind with affirmations along with images of the things you want will program your subconscious mind towards success, confidence, and overall a stronger mindset that will help you obtain your deepest desires.

– Positive affirmations are meant to keep you in a positive state of mind! It is easy to have negative thoughts every so often but when you make a conscious effort to stay positive through the use of positive affirmations, you are eliminating those bad thoughts that might be preventing you from reaching your goals.

So why exactly do affirmations not work on everyone? The problem is, if you have mental road blocks and reasons in your mind that your positive affirmation statements are not valid or accurate, then repeating these positive statements are never going to sink into your subconscious mind. For example, if you truly believe that you put on weight easily from everything you eat, then an affirmation stating that you are happy being healthier and at your ideal weight is never really going to manifest. You have two very conflicting thoughts going on simultaneously and the one that you actually believe in (in this case the negative one) is going to overpower your efforts to stay healthy and fit. When writing your affirmations, you need to focus on what you WANT and not what you don’t want. If you write something along the lines of, “I do not want to gain weight,” even though that is an accurate statement, it is not really written in a positive way. Instead if you were to write, “I am in love with my sexy, fit, and healthy body” then your subconscious mind is under the belief that you possess a healthy body, NOT that you ‘do not want to gain weight’ which means that you are unfit because you are telling yourself you are this way. Do you see the difference between these two thoughts?

How can you maximize the results of positive affirmations so they work for you? For starters, you really need to dig deep and think about exactly everything you want at the present moment. It is okay and highly recommended that you think big even if it is so far from your current reality. Now write everything down and include as many specific details as possible. After you write your ideas, now craft them into positive affirmation statements. As I mentioned, I like writing them on index cards and/or keeping them in a journal as well. I personally like to write the date that I wrote the affirmations on the card so I remember when I wrote them and I can then assess how long it took me to manifest my goal. For the positive affirmations that are specific goals, I do like to assign deadlines however; I do not assign exact timelines for everything as certain affirmations are ongoing and ones I carry throughout my lifetime (such as health related affirmations). The key is to now repeat them on a daily basis. It is recommended that they are repeated when you wake up and when you go to bed. Personally, I only like to read them before bed but I advise the more often you read them, the better because then your mind is constantly focused on them. I look at it like this, positive affirmations are like vitamins–you take them every day and in this case, they are meant to help make your mental wellbeing become healthier and stronger over time.

Final Note: Did you know that Jim Carrey back in 1985 wrote himself a 10 million dollar check for acting services that was dated for 1995 in which he kept in his wallet? Can you guess what happened 10 years later by 1995? By November 1995, he got casted for “Dumb and Dumber” for the amount of 10 million dollars. Coincidence? I think NOT.

My point at the end of all of this is, in order for your positive affirmations to work for you, you need to believe it 100% and repeat them constantly!!! Get rid of your negative thoughts and anything that could be deterring you from the big picture–the life of your dreams! You deserve it! Now go manifest it! πŸ˜‰

How to Manifest What You Want in Life by Creating a Vision Board / Universe Journal

A few months ago, I wrote an article about manifestation and how the very first step is to simply just think about the things you want because often times “thoughts become things.” Of course just thinking about something will not make something you want magically appear because there needs to be some action to get you towards the end goal. Before taking actual action steps, I want to talk about an important spiritual tool that will get you in a manifestation state of mind. Many people talk about making a vision board although I have what I like to call a “Universe journal” which pretty much represents the same thing. A vision board is a visual representation of the things you want in your life which can be created by making a collage with photos and pictures to represent this. It can cover something very specific such as your career goals or cover a wide range of areas in your life such as home, relationships, travel, health, etc. It can also include words such as quotes, affirmations, and anything that would keep you inspired and motivated. I actually do not have a vision board but as I mentioned, I keep a Universe journal which I created a few years ago and I add images or write things down in it every so often whenever I stumble across something I want to add or whenever I read something inspirational that I want to store permanently. I like keeping it in the form of a journal so it is like a book that I can reference at any given time.

In terms of where to keep it, the best thing to do is place it on your nightstand so you can look at it at night before bed and/or in the morning when you first wake up. It has to be within your sight or else, out of sight, out of mind. I believe the more times you look at it, the more these images are imprinted in your subconscious mind which will propel you to want to manifest it and make these things come to life.

In addition, I do like to write down my goals on index cards in the beginning of a new year (“Universe cards”) and sometimes I will write some new ones throughout the year when I think of new things I want to attract into my life. They key is being very specific and writing down as many exact details as you can. If you write down that you want to buy a house, this is a good goal but you should think more about the specifics such as the location, budget you have in mind, how many rooms, the layout, etc. If you are not exactly sure of the details, you can always add them later when you reflect on them more. I think it can be helpful to write a deadline although I would not get too hung up on this unless it truly is a time sensitive goal. Many things in life can take time and so you cannot expect this to be an overnight process.

I know there are people who are going to be reading this and think this is all made up. I notice the people who are not in touch with their spirituality usually consider this to be a waste of time or just do not believe in the power of manifestation along with the concept of the laws of attraction. If you possess a negative attitude towards this activity, then it probably will not work because you truly need to believe in it.

I did not become very aware or in touch with my spirituality until probably after college. It truly amazes me how much I want actually has manifested over time (and currently is in the manifesting process πŸ˜‰ ) through visualization. It works because you are putting a greater mental focus on your goals when you actually take the time to lay them out visually and then look at them frequently. Sometimes when I manifest something, even I cannot help but think to myself, “Wow, it is unbelievable this is working” which is why I continue these spiritual practices and I encourage people to do the same. `

The Law of Least Effort – Why it Often Works and Ways to Apply it in a Relationship

The expression “less is more” applies to many things in life and when it comes to dating, I think this is especially true. I don’t want you to think that this means you should not be putting in any effort whatsoever but to instead possess a less is more mentality which can be much more beneficial in the long run. This leads into why I want to share the principle known as the Law of Least Effort. I would describe this to apply to someone who does not apply much effort into something (or in this case, someone) but manages to maximize their results. I know you are probably wondering, how is that possible–shouldn’t you always apply yourself 100% or more to get everything you want in life? Of course there is no denying that but life is also situational in which there are certain instances where you are actually way better off taking a few steps back and not doing as much, especially when it comes to attraction psychology.

To take it a step further, I want to specifically focus on how the Law of Least Effort is beneficial in the dating world and ways to apply this way of thinking. It is essentially adapting a cool confidence within your interactions and trusting the process. Many people are constantly seeking instant gratification or trying to force things upon others which is counterintuitive and the complete opposite of what the Law of Least Effort is all about.

Stop Imposing Your Dating Agenda – I think it is more common for women to make this mistake where they will go on a first date or early on upon meeting someone tell a guy who they don’t even really know all too well about their marriage/family goals–how they want to be married in a year with three kids. I think it is great to have these goals in your mind and I absolutely encourage people to think about their future but it is way too soon to unload all that onto someone you just met. If this sort of conversation comes up organically, I suppose it is good to be honest with your dating motives but I would advise a way more cautious and effortless approach to your answer so you also do not appear so desperate. Something along the lines of, “If I meet the right person, I would be open to a meaningful relationship. I prefer to take things one step at a time and just seeing where it goes.” This is not only a realistic and rational minded response but a very low effort mindset (ex: “just seeing where it goes”) where it conveys there is the intent of building a meaningful relationship but not in a way where your entire life is dependent on it. If it happens, it happens but you are not going to force it into fruition and most importantly, you are NOT attached to the outcome of the dating situation.

Continue to Live Your Independent Life – It is very common for people to start adapting to the person they are dating by picking up some of their habits or even some of their hobbies. There is nothing wrong with that in particular but it is extremely important to still live your own life where you still have your own routine and do the things that make you happy. When someone sees you are fully capable of living your life on your terms and you are not going to put all this effort into catering to the other person, this conveys a tremendous amount respect and the other person will value your time more. It is when you give too much of your time away that you get taken for granted and/or treated like a doormat. Those who practice the Law of Least Effort are never ones to be labeled as a doormat.

Avoid One Sided Communication – By this I am referring to developing communication that is balanced rather than blowing up the other person’s phone all the time. I think communication should be like a tennis match, the ball is in my court and then I hit it back on the other person’s court. I am not going to hit a series of balls in a row to the other person if the ball has not come back to my court yet. For example, if you are making a phone call and the person did not pick up, it is okay to leave a voicemail if you choose to but don’t then try to call back within the hour and send ten follow up text messages. That is way too much effort (and neediness) on your end! It is important to trust that the person will get back to you when they have the moment. If they broke a communication pattern in which you think they are in an emergency situation, then by all means, it is okay to make multiple attempts and through various methods but on a day-to-day basis, everything will be okay. There really is no need to overextend yourself in general but especially in terms of your communication patterns.

I want to point out something interesting about what I just mentioned. If you notice the other person is not as communicative as you are and it provokes you to want to do more to get their attention or hit them up more (which I am telling you NOT TO DO), notice that they are essentially applying the Law of Least Effort, whether it is intentional or not–ON YOU! You notice how by them not being in as frequent contact, it makes you want to do something about it to keep the connection going? Interesting how effectively this works, isn’t it? πŸ˜‰

Just Be Your Most Authentic Self at All Times – It is unfortunate when you see someone try too hard to impress someone else even if that means not being true to oneself. If you find you have to make many personal sacrifices or changes just to keep someone in your life, that is way too much effort and not realistically sustainable over time. Chances are that you will either go back to your old ways or form resentment over time towards the other person. No one should ever be trying that hard just to gain acceptance from someone they are dating as the right person will genuinely accept you for who you are–both the good and the bad.

Leave Their Past in the Past – Unless their past is currently impacting their present life such as a lingering ex who is still in the picture, there is really no need to dig too deep into a person’s past dating life. It is okay to be curious and have some casual discussions about it as it could heavily influence who they are today but spending your free time going through their social media contacts or doing a Google search on everyone they recently dated before you is wasted time and effort. The biggest focus should be on the present moment with that person rather than trying to dig up skeletons in their closet.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is that you should not be in a position where you are putting in an extreme amount of effort to start a relationship, get a person to like you, or throughout the course of a relationship. By applying the Law of Least Effort, you will notice that there is much to gain by putting it into practice such as respect, confidence, and a boost of attraction towards you.

There is No Attachment Like Emotional Attachment – How To Get Someone to Build an Emotional Attachment Towards You

There are various forms of attachments that develop within any relationship but I truly believe that there is no attachment like an emotional attachment. If someone has a strong emotional attachment towards you, it is very unlikely that the person will leave you for someone else and there is a higher chance that the person will want to stay with you for the long haul. That is not to say that the relationship will last forever as you also need to mutually maintain the strength of this emotional attachment and bond; however knowing this and the ways to create it will make you more consciously aware of how to develop it moving forward. It can apply to a current relationship, a future one, or even someone you have a crush on at the moment.

I can tell you from personal experience, when I have an authentic and strong emotional attachment towards someone, I really do not and cannot look at anyone else in a romantic way. It always amazes me when someone has that emotional effect on me. I recognize it is not natural or easy for everyone to get someone emotionally attached, especially for someone not very in touch with their feelings or possessing a strong emotional intelligence (EQ). That is why I want to share what has worked on me and how I also work my magic πŸ˜‰ (haha half kidding) on getting someone emotionally attached to me.

Increase the Frequency of Contact – I find this to be one of the most important things to do when building an emotional attachment in both the early stages of getting to know someone and also maintaining this attachment over time. If you only talk to the person once every few days or once a week, chances are the person will not get super attached to you on an emotional level because there is too much time in between the times that you connect with each other. As the saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.” In other words, if you are barely in contact with the person, you will often times become forgettable. This is not to say that you want to increase the contact to the point where they hear from you too often as that can certainly detract the person altogether but finding a healthy balance that works for both of you is key.

I want to point out that if the person already likes you or has formed an emotional attachment towards you, not being in frequent contact could make the person think about you more as not being in touch creates an emotional longing towards you. However, this does not always mean they will stay attached to you as many people have small attention spans and there still needs to be some form of attention given in order to keep the attention on you.

Grand Gestures Go a Long Way – I would say grand gestures are not everything but I do think if you take the time to go the extra mile for someone and it is something of great meaning to that specific individual, then it is totally worth it and will leave a lasting impression on an emotional level. For example, a grand gesture can be if you go shopping and the person points out a desired style of jewelry within conversation and you insist on buying it as a gift on the spot or you might go back to purchase it for the person later because you know it is special. Although this might not appear as a grand gesture to everyone as some people feel entitled and expect this type of treatment, I equate this as a grand gesture as it goes above and beyond what is expected on a daily basis.

Pay Attention to the Little Things – Besides the grand gestures, the “little things” as I call it can be just as significant. Sometimes people do a great job with making people emotionally feel good on a bigger scale but then so terribly fail to recognize the little things that are of significance to them. Something as small as calling each other to say good night before bedtime every night can be very meaningful to someone as a way to connect emotionally even though it is not much to ask of someone. It is important to recognize what these little things are and actually finding ways to acknowledge them.

Do Something Extra Nice for No Reason – I think doing something special on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other special events is important and usually goes without saying. Depending on the person, these dates and events might not even be a big deal (again everybody is different). However, doing something special for no particular reason and just because you want to show you care about the person can be just as special or even more special. It can be something as small as leaving a handwritten note with a sweet message in an unexpected place where the person will find it or surprising them by delivering their favorite takeout meal to their workplace. These are not only nice surprises but often times will make the person feel very appreciated.

Physical Intimacy (That is NOT Sex) – When people hear physical intimacy, people automatically think sex but I want to point out that there are other forms of physical intimacy that do NOT involve sex and that many people do not put much of a focus on yet it can be so incredibly crucial in creating an emotional bond. Of course this will vary from individual to individual and I encourage people to not be afraid to straight up ask the other person (maybe not right away but in time) what their preferences are rather than assume what the other person likes to feel close.

Although this sounds like it should be categorized under physical attachment, I equate the right intimacy to turn into emotional attachment. Some examples of physical intimacy that is not sex include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and I would even say eye contact–as in the way the person looks at you. Something I find important although I know this might not apply to everyone as there are people who do not really like to be touched or caressed but I always have said, the way a person holds you can really make you feel that much closer to them. Again, at the end of the day, keep in mind people have different preferences so what makes me personally feel connected to someone might not work on someone else.

Build Upon Your Similarities – No one is going to be exactly like you but it is wise to find the things that you both share in common and to concentrate on them. The more similarities you have with one another, the more natural it will be for an emotional attachment to occur. If there are mutual hobbies, then plan activities that allow you to enjoy them together.

Create Life Experiences Together – I would generally say that any real quality time spent together will tend to create an emotional attachment but there is definitely a difference in the types of quality time spent such as watching a Netflix show together versus backpacking to Europe together. I am not saying you cannot do the basic everyday things but creating unique life experiences or doing fun things together that are out of the comfort of your home just takes quality time spent on a whole different level.

Have Intellectual and Deep Conversations – This is the emotional glue that keeps the bond together. When you have a meaningful conversation with someone, it not only allows for you to get to know the person on a deeper level but over time, this emotional attachment deepens as well. There is nothing wrong with having surface level conversations but when you take the time to really dig a few layers deep and get the person to share things they might not share with the average person or have shared with anyone before then there is a stronger likelihood the person will feel more emotionally connected to you by default.

Express Yourself in Words – People always underestimate the power of words but I think the right words can definitely create a deep emotional attachment. I know it is not easy for people to show their vulnerable side but it does not even have to be anything too heavy or over the top. Some of the most simple phrases can be incredibly effective such as:

– “I miss you.”
– “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
– “When can I see you again?”
– “I love spending time with you.”
– “I can’t wait to see you this weekend.”

(Think about it, who does not want to hear these expressions from someone they care about? Yeah, that’s what I thought).
The key is, it will NOT work if the other person has conveyed in so many words or actions that they do not have any feelings towards you whatsoever; however there are those rare instances where feelings can change over time so it is okay to still take that chance but it is better to scale it back a bit if the other person is not at the same emotional place as you. Some people might need more time or some just might be incapable of getting there with you personally (and that’s okay).

Make the Person Feel Good on Multiple Levels – I was not sure the best way to describe this but essentially make the person feel good both on the inside and outside. This can be done simply by complimenting them on a specific quality of theirs or their appearance. I would say extra brownie points if you are able to make the person feel good regarding something positive other people might fail to recognize about them including themselves.

If you utilize some of these strategies for building emotional attachment, you will be amazed at the results. The good news is, it is never too late to apply these techniques as it can strengthen a current relationship or help develop an emotional attachment from the very start of your next relationship.