Category Archives: Dating Advice for Men

Do “Nice Guys Finish Last?” – My Advice to Men

There is the common expression that, “nice guys finish last.” Although there might be some truth to this, I don’t believe that this has to be the case for nice men. There is this common misconception that women prefer the so-called bad guys, players, etc. The underlying issue for women who choose these types of men usually stem from either their upbringing (ex: no father figure, poor male role models–aka “daddy issues”) or they on some subconscious level do not believe they are deserving of a good man, more specifically in this case–a nice guy.

My best advice to nice guys is to find a nice girl! There are plenty of nice women out there who are looking for their match and want to be with a nice man. It is up to men to weed out the women who do no respect, love, or treat them like gold. Nice guys will often tolerate bad female behavior and will tend to stick around until they become a doormat to the women who will never supply them with the love that they give so generously. That is why it is essential for a man to know his worth and cut his losses when he is faced with a woman who does not value him. Sadly, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you in return. Usually the opposite will happen where the woman will just be turned off entirely or she may stick around for the wrong reasons.

In addition, there is more to bring to the table in the dating world than just being nice. Women are attracted to nice men but not if these same men have nothing else going on for them other than this attribute. I can’t help but notice that there are many nice men out there who are devoted, committed, loving, and sweet as pie–especially to women; however these are the same men who don’t have a career, steady income, and are living in the basement with mom still. I am not saying ALL nice guys are like this but I do notice a high correlation between nice guys being much less ambitious with little to offer in terms of a lasting relationship with a promising and secure future. This is where men need to work on themselves so that when the right woman comes along, he has more going for him than just being a nice guy. Keep in mind that “working on self” should not be done strictly for increasing value in the dating world but for yourself–with or without a partner. The reason being that by bettering self, you not only will increase your self worth and confidence but you will also radiate an energy that others will naturally find attractive.

Going Back to An Ex Immediately After a Breakup – Why It Is a Major Red Flag on Multiple Levels

Although I do not follow much celebrity gossip these days, it is hard to escape the current headlines that are surfacing that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck reconnected and planned a getaway in Montana. Despite the fact that they were together over 15 years ago, I actually predicted that they would “get together” in some way. I was not expecting it to be this soon after her recent broken engagement with Alex Rodriguez; however, at the same time, human nature never fails to surprise me. Certain outcomes are so incredibly predictable when you take the time to understand people’s behaviors and often times, many of these same situations are portrayed on a television show, movie, or in real life. You do not need to be a celebrity to experience these things because everyday people fall in love along with going through breakups. The only major difference is that their lives are out for public display and can easily be googled if you are looking for an update on their personal status.

Every relationship is different and without much information, I am not here to judge people for their decisions and how they go about living life after a breakup. I can provide my honest feedback, general analysis, and opinion of the situation but that is the extent of it. On a fundamental level, not knowing too many details, I strongly believe going back to any ex (doesn’t matter how long ago they were dating, when they broke up, why it ended, etc.) soon after a current relationship ended is not only a red flag but I want to emphasize, a MAJOR red flag–yes, on multiple levels. I not only find it outright distasteful but it really reveals a lot about a person’s true character; specifically one’s character flaws which I will go into in further detail.

Trouble Letting Go of Their Past – I would say that most people have a really hard time letting go of their past. Their past life has a stronger impact on their present life than their actual present and future which is why you see people constantly making the same mistakes because they simply never learned the first time. It is acceptable to make mistakes in life but failing to learn from them is when it becomes a reoccurring problem. It is also troublesome dating someone who holds onto their past as you never really know if they have fully moved on and are ready to turn the page onto a new chapter.

Never Really Over the Person to Begin With – When I see someone going back to an ex on a romantic level at any given point, I always question if this person ever really got over this person at the time of the breakup. It can often show that the person never fully recovered and as a result has unresolved feelings towards someone they were previously dating.

Cannot Handle Being Single for Long Periods of Time – There are going to be times in life when you are single and when you are in a relationship. Unfortunately, you will find there are many people who feel uncomfortable when they are single and are always looking for a replacement soon after a relationship ended. I do not view this as healthy as one should be able to live a happy life with or without a significant other.

Reconnecting Just Out of Convenience – Sometimes there are no true feelings left for their ex but pursuing an ex provides stability, comfort, intimacy, and/or convenience. People should not be keeping the door open for their exes just so they can serve as “comfort objects.” (If one is looking for such a thing, stop choosing people for this purpose and maybe consider buying a cozy blanket).

Inability to Accept Change – Many people are a creature of habit which does not always have to be labeled as a bad thing but I do view it as a bad thing when one is unable to cope with a breakup (the change) and feel the need to have someone (in this case an ex) as they cannot deal with the change in its entirety so the only solution is to keep an ex around for the sake of it.

Revenge Tactic – I would say this is probably the worst reason as to why someone goes back to an ex–to make their most recent ex jealous, display a lack of empathy, and/or to show that they never really got over an ex in the first place. Sadly, I do see people do this out of revenge and no matter what the inner motive behind it is, revenge is never seen as a positive thing.

I want to point out, I do believe that organically (by that I mean by chance), it is possible for two people who once dated can cross paths later in their lives and perhaps rekindle their love again if the time apart was needed for their lives to become more aligned later as anything is possible in one’s lifetime. However, when you see someone proactively pursuing an ex RIGHT AFTER they got out of a relationship or their ex pursued them and they go for it, this is when the situation becomes problematic and one in which you want to stay far away from. At the end of the day, people are going to do what they want and are always showing you who they are as a person. When you come across a red flag, the good thing is that this actually makes it much easier to move on with your life and focus on your future. So despite red flags being a negative thing, consider them as a positive thing when they are guiding you away from someone else.

Why Going Back to An Ex Has A Negative Impact On Your Spiritual Path and Self Development

A friend had asked me a few days ago, “Do you miss any of your exes and wish you could go back to any of them?” Without a hint of hesitation, my response was, “Absolutely, NOT.” Does this make me a cold hearted individual? No, not at all. I look at it like this: The past needs to stay in the past. Life should be progressing forward. In order to spiritually grow and create a brighter future for yourself, the ship needs to sail to a new destination (in this case, a new relationship or happily single to work on yourself also applies here too).

You can still appreciate what the relationship brought to you at that moment and I encourage you to do so. With the good times, there were also life lessons. I never regret any of my previous relationships because that is what the Universe attracted into my life during that time and even though it did not last forever, it still served a purpose. No matter the duration, I never look at it as “wasted time” and no one should ever view it that way. Do you look at your previous jobs as wasted time if you did not stay at one company the entire time? No, of course not because this is what you choose to be a part of your life experience and most people explore multiple job opportunities within their career path.

Relationships shape you as an individual but they also prepare you for someone even better. Yes, you heard me. Your future is going to be far more superior than your past. In order for that scenario to play out, you need to believe that with every ounce of your soul (not just because I said you so) along with taking the ACTION needed to make that happen for yourself. This means completely letting go of your past without leaving any open doors for an ex to creep back in–unfortunately, we all know there are many desperate and needy people out there who try to knock on the door for another chance. This also means having the mental strength to not want to revisit the past either. In other words, it goes both ways. You have to shut the door but you also have to have the burning desire to want to start over with a clean slate. If you are despairingly in search of finding a new partner simply to replace your ex when your mind is still not over the last person you dated, then you clearly have not taken the definitive action that is needed to clear your past.

Whether you broke it off or they did or maybe it was mutual, cut your losses and move on with your life. Trust me, it is for the greater good for everyone because each person can grow from the experience and move onto a new life path. Personally, I find it exciting to know what the future will bring than to ever even consider pursuing a failed relationship. If it did not work out the first time, what is the point in going back? For security? Convenience? Comfort? Lack of belief that there is a better suited match? People tend to go back for the wrong reasons, settle for less than they deserve, and/or stay attached to a false hope that they will reunite with an ex. In certain situations, I think there is room for optimism but the majority of time, it just isn’t worth it. Remember, as I often like to quote from Frank Sinatra’s famous song title, “The best is yet to come.” You just have not experienced it just yet but keep your mind open to the possibilities because the Universe will make it happen (this does not only apply to love, it applies to everything in life!)–Trust the process and you shall receive its greatest gifts! 😉

A Quality Often Overlooked Within a Relationship But Quite An Important One

There are many qualities to look for when in the pursuit of a meaningful relationship and everyone’s personal criteria and love map can vary. This can also change over time in which something you valued in your youth might not even be within your current criteria. Perhaps there was a quality that you thought was a high priority only to find that after experiencing it, you came to the realization it is not something you want anymore. My point is, there are many qualities that exist with some being more important than others just depending on the person you talk to or someone you choose to date. If you were to ask someone what they look for, common answers can include: Trust, intelligence, career driven, generous, wealthy, physically attractive, etc. However, a quality that I do not hear too many people talk about but I find to be quite an important one is examining a person’s emotional stability.

Emotional stability to me can translate into many things and is something you can really pick up most through a person’s behaviors and (re)actions (actions as well but I want to emphasize reactions). I do not think you can really ask someone how emotionally stable they are and expect a direct and honest answer in response. This is why you need to pay close attention to how a person behaves and reacts to really get a good assessment. More specifically, here are some things to consider:

– How does this person handle rejection?
– How does this person react (ex: anger, sadness, indifference, etc.) during a conflict?
– Is this person able to take accountability and apologize when they are wrong?
– How does this person cope with a failed relationship?
– Does this person have trouble letting go of any emotional baggage from their past?
– What happens when something does not go their way?
– How quickly can this person bounce back from a bad situation?
– How does this person react towards a major life crisis along with more trivial matters?
– How does this person treat their friends and family when there is a conflict?
– How are you treated when there is a problem within the relationship?

I can probably make a longer list but these are some questions to think about when you are in the process of getting to know someone new. You might not be able to get all the answers immediately but you should absolutely keep these in the back of your mind from the start and during the course of the relationship. Emotional stability is an important quality to look for because it is a fundamental component needed in building a healthy relationship which often will increase the chance of long term success.

5 Thoughtful Valentine’s Day Gestures That Won’t Break the Bank

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it is that time of year that people like to express their love and show gratitude towards their partner. Although we know that this should be done on an every day basis as opposed to focusing it only on one day, it is still nice to do something thoughtful for the person to show that you care. Some people like to spend a good amount of money on gifts but sometimes the nicest gifts are not of high monetary value. Here I will share a few thoughtful things you can do to make Valentine’s Day special that does not require overspending.

Make a Card Instead of Buying One – It does not have to be fancy or over the top but I always believe that a hand made card is always more thoughtful than buying one because it is one of a kind and made from the heart. You also do not have to be overly artistic to make one.

Create a Valentine’s Day Playlist – You can create a playlist with love themed songs or choose your partner’s most favorite songs. It can be played on Valentine’s Day but best of all, it can be played at any time.

Invent a “Love Potion #9” Drink – This is actually the name of a movie that came out in the 1990’s but according to mythology, a “love potion” is a drink that one drinks to fall in love. So why not for fun invent your own love potion drink for your partner that you can both enjoy together? It can be a special cocktail of their favorite flavors or maybe a unique fruit punch.

Take Selfies With a Polaroid – Creating and capturing memories are some of the most valuable gifts that you can cherish for years to come. I suggest taking the photos with a polaroid camera as the photos print instantly and then you have copies that you can each keep. If you do not have one, you can still take the photos with your cell phone or a regular digital camera and order prints directly from your phone.

Give a Scrapbook or Memory Box – Take the time to gather some mementos you might have including things such as photos, ticket stubs, business cards and/or brochures of places you went to, souvenirs, etc and put them together in a scrapbook or put them in a box to give to your partner. It is special because it is an accumulation of things that you both shared together and you both can continue to add more mementos over time.

Remember, no matter what you decide to do for Valentine’s Day, as long as you put some thought and add a personal touch to what you do, your Valentine is guaranteed to be very happy! ❤ 🙂

The Hidden Meaning Behind A Person With “Commitment Issues”

As I always like to point out when you are out in the dating world, you have to remember that what someone says is not exactly what they mean. Even if you are bold enough to flat out ask the person where you stand or what their personal situation is, you are still often times going to be left in the dark. Most people communicate in a way that is vague AF and/or simply do not want to lay out their true intentions. The reasons for this could include that the person wants to keep you as a backup option (hate to say it but it can happen), has a busy life where dating is not their top priority, and/or more often than not, the person doesn’t know how to be honest if that involves hurting the the other person’s feelings. I find more women struggle with this than men do.

There might be a time you encounter someone with “commitment issues”–their words of course and not yours. I would say that if the person states commitment issues and follows that with a story in which they have cheated in their past (perhaps on multiple occasions), then that is a justified label and would make sense saying that because I would agree, a pattern of cheating does very well = commitment issues. Another situation a person could have commitment problems is if they have practically a zero dating record. As in, this person has never had a serious relationship or the relationships were all or mostly casual. That is definitely a commitment issue as well.

If the person does not provide a rational explanation behind their commitment issues, I would first and foremost suggest that you keep things moving or just keep the person as a friend rather than a potential romantic love interest because no matter what the true reason is, a commitment issue is NEVER a positive thing and definitely not a sign that you should stick around. If you are just looking for some added clarity, then you just need to read between the lines and dig deep as to what the real underlying issue is. I can easily list a few although it can be something else that is personal to that person or even a combination of the reasons listed below.

Emotional Attachment to Someone Else – There is a very high chance that if a person cannot commit to you, this is due to the fact that they are not over an ex or they already are currently emotionally invested into someone else in their present life.

Stuck in the Past/Fear of Getting Hurt – If the person was left deeply hurt by someone else, then this person might think that every person they meet has the potential to do the same thing so rather than move forward into the future and start fresh, this person is constantly living within their past and unfortunately just stays there.

Wants to Date Around and Not Settle on One Person – Not everyone is at the same stage in life where they want to settle down to one person and start a family. It can take longer for some people and some people want to casually date around before getting too serious with one person only.

Extremely Selective – Chances are, if a person is very selective, their dating history is very limited or non existent because they never find people they want to fully commit to. So the underlying problem is not that they cannot commit, they probably could if they were not so picky when choosing a mate.

Came From a Broken Home and/or Divorced Parents – This is extremely common where you will meet someone who grew up in a single parent household (so they did not see the love between their two parents) or witnessed their parents fighting which lead to a divorce and as a result left a painful imprint on the person’s heart and soul. It could also impact a person in a way where they do not want to commit to anyone because they have never seen what a healthy and happy relationship could look like.

Just Not Into You on a Romantic Level – Most people do not know how to flat out tell someone they are not interested so rather than coming forward with the truth, they will throw any excuse from the book to make it seem like it is not you and it is a problem on their end such as their “commitment issues” and etc. Trust me, when a person is into you, they are not going to shy away from the opportunity to commit to you and will not give you a bogus excuse to prevent the start of a committed relationship with you–bottom line.