Tag Archives: love

Is Love Sustainable? – If So, How?

When it comes to relationship success, many relationships and marriages unfortunately do not end up lasting over time; however, that does not have to be the case. Of course everlasting love does exist and there are couples who stay happily together for the long hall. I think people who are on the quest to find love are in hopes to find one partner to spend the rest of their lives with; however, a “happily ever after” ending does not always end up being the outcome. One has to wonder: Is love sustainable? – If so, how?

Mutually Make the Right Choice – The most important part of the love process really comes down to making the right life partner choice and really thinking about whether or not you see a future with this person–while also keeping in mind that this choice has to be MUTUAL. Too often I see people in a one-sided relationship from the start where one person is really into the other and the other person simply isn’t as invested or is just settling. As essential as it is to choose who you want to be with, the other person also needs to choose you in return and equally want the partnership. If you suspect that you are with someone that isn’t as into you or vice versa where in your heart you do not really love the person as much in return–please do everyone a favor and break it up before it gets too serious. This is why people need to truly follow their intuition better and do the right thing by ending a dead end relationship which will also keep the door open for a better suited match to come into your future when the time is right.

Put in the Work – Relationships like anything else in life require WORK and again, TWO people have to put in the work in order for the relationship to be a successful one. When you have one person putting in all the effort while the other person doesn’t, the relationship is bound to fizzle out over time. You need two people proactively doing what it takes to keep the relationship going which also includes having the capacity to make sacrifices when necessary for the greater good of the relationship. It is important to keep in mind that in the very beginning of any relationship, things are very easy and two people tend to be in what they call a “honeymoon phase.” After this time passes is the best time to determine whether or not you both want to work towards building a future together or not.

Communicate with the Same Love Languages – I’ll be honest, I was not familiar with the concept of love languages until much later in life. When I was first exposed to it, I questioned how important this really was in a relationship because I thought every love language was somewhat essential. Then I realized that people express love differently through various love languages and not everyone has the same love language preferences. This would explain why many couples feel out of sync and their love fades over time because each person communicates love in contrasting ways to begin with.

Natural Compatibility – Natural compatibility should not be confused with natural attraction. Attraction of any sort might catch one’s eye in the beginning but if there isn’t natural compatibility to back up the attraction then the attraction most certainly wears off over time. Of course, there is no denying that attraction is important but I think people often overlook the actual compatibility aspect of the relationship and don’t take the time to examine whether or not they are truly compatible with the other person. Compatibility can include your value systems, beliefs, lifestyles, and overall how you each fundamentally function as people. When two people have natural compatibility, there are less arguments, problems, and conflicts because both people see eye to eye on most things. Ultimately, natural compatibility is ideal for developing a healthy relationship and definitely the foundation of any long lasting partnership.

When Love Becomes a Game – Game OVER

Many aspects of life become a game but I don’t believe your love life should ever become one. Mind you, with pursuing love or any type of relationship, there are going to be challenges along the way and no relationship is ever perfect. Even when things seem “perfect,” especially during the early stages of a relationship or during the honeymoon phase as they call it, do not fall into the illusion that everything will remain that way at all times. However, at the very least, things should be very easy in the beginning, especially when two people mutually want to be with each other and explore where their love can go.

Keep in mind, that the early stages of dating someone are always very telling. When I hear someone tell me about the complications, the mixed signals, the emotional letdowns, drama, etc. at the very beginning, my immediate thought is: Don’t just walk but run away from these situations as they should be avoided in its entirety. Why do you want to start a relationship or even invest your time in someone who is playing games with your heart? I do not care how attractive they are. I do not care how much you have in common. I do not care how much money they have. I do not care how much you like them. I do not care how much you think that they like you in return–because guess what, if the person liked you, why would they cause tension, agony, frustration, and grief? The focus would be on TOGETHERNESS and making that effort to not only BE WITH YOU but also to MAKE YOU HAPPY. Why would a person who genuinely likes you go days without contact? If they liked you, they would never want to go even a single day out of touch. Also be careful when you notice a person message you constantly but yet they never make the time to actually see you in-person, spend any quality time, or they make plans but constantly are canceling. (FYI, I call that a glorified pen pal or perhaps a waste of time–you can be the judge).

It is crucial to pay close attention as to when love becomes a game and to pick up on the red flags before the jump to prevent developing any sort of attachment to this person. It is a game you never want to play and one in which you need to withdraw from as soon as you are aware that this is all it is.

Besides the beginning, it is possible that love can turn into a game later during the course of the relationship and the same rule applies here, once you notice this–you are up and OUT. Remember: Game over. An example of this is when a person is incredibly devoted and locked into the relationship but over time, you notice communication becomes less frequent or the person is showing signs they are ghosting you. Do everyone a favor and just end it if that begins to happen. Why settle on someone who appears to be less interested or who is slacking on providing you with the love you deserve? Even if the other person is not intentionally trying to play games with your emotions, it does not matter what the INTENT is, what matters is the OUTCOME. If the outcome is not in your favor, you just have to make it a point to remove yourself as soon as possible. Although it might take time, please know that you will get over them as soon as you make the firm decision to move forward with your life and let the person go. Be patient with the process and true love (not some “love game” nonsense) will actually come knocking on your door when you are ready for it. Trust me, love is on the way so make sure you create the space in your life for it to arrive when the time is right. 😉 ❤

To Love or Not to Love? – Who Should Say I Love You for the First Time in a Relationship Along with the When and How Often?

Expressing your love for someone can be done by your actions but those three little words in a romantic relationship can take it emotionally to great heights and bring two people that much closer to each other. However, often times people question when should it be said, especially for the first time. Of course you can simply, “Go with your feelings and say it to someone when you feel love towards that person” but I would follow some general guidelines before dropping the L-word for the first time. I want to point out that like most topics I write about, this is my general opinion based on life experience and there truly is no black and white answer to this one. Just keep that in mind before you proceed to reading this article as not everyone is going to agree with my point of view (and that’s okay–it is okay to agree to disagree and I embrace that).

In terms of who should say, “I love you” for the first time, without a doubt, I believe the man in the relationship should take lead and be the one to say it first. I am sure there are exceptions although I cannot think of any offhand but I tend to lean towards believing this due to gender roles. By that I look at it like this, if a man is capable of asking a girl out, pursuing the relationship, initiating physical intimacy, and essentially keeping the “chase” then I think they are fully capable of proclaiming their love for the first time. Never in my dating life have I been the one to tell a man in a relationship that I love him first. Even though there have been times I felt that way, I still chose not to say it because I also believe that if the relationship is meant to get to that place, then it will naturally happen when the time is right. Sure, I showed it through my actions but I always waited until the man said it first to me. Like many things in life, the wait is well worth it. I am willing to wait for the things that are most valuable to me. I can recall every single time it was said to me for the first time as I have a screenshot in my mind of that exact moment within the course of the relationship. If the man never says it to me, then he was not the man for me anyhow as this is something I do expect to be said over time.

In a romantic relationship, determining when to say it can truly vary. I have been in situations where it was said in as early as a few weeks or where it took many months. I would say this depends on how consistently you see the person so if you see a person a few times a week, then naturally I would expect two people will feel the love sooner because of the frequency of their encounters. In a distance relationship or situation where you might only get to see the person once or twice a month in the beginning, it might take longer to feel the love because you are still getting to know the person so saying it for the first time could very well be a longer process. I would say it is healthy to wait at least two months before telling a person you love them for the first time. I do not think it is necessary to say it that quickly no matter how intense the love can feel because even if you experience it rather instantly, you also want to make sure you still genuinely feel that way after a few months as sometimes it could be infatuation with that person which is not the same as loving someone. If you are dating for months and you are not emotionally in a place to say that yet, give it more time or consider if you still want to be with the person. You do not want to waste anyone’s time if you do not think it has the potential to reach love while you also should not say it for the sake of it and give it the time it needs for the love to grow towards that person. It can take many months or up to a year and that is okay. I would say that if you are dating someone for a year and still do not feel you love the person, you need to ask yourself some serious questions in regards to if the relationship has a future and if not, then the other person has a right to know where you stand or you should possibly consider breaking it off yourself.

Once you have officially said it for the time and it is reciprocated, I think it is healthy to say it on a fairly daily basis. I guess this depends on what is within each of your comfort zone. Some couples feel as though they do not need to say it everyday whereas other couples say it everyday as it has become a daily ritual to do so. I think once you have gotten to the stage where both people feel that way and are saying it to each other, it can definitely be said as often as you would like. Life is too short to not express love and gratitude towards the person you love which is why I think it is good to be generous in the ways you express it–not just verbally but with your actions too.