Category Archives: Attachment

Dating Advice for Men – Build Intimacy and Invest Emotionally at the Same Time

Last week, I wrote an article for women with some dating advice and decided to follow up this week with a dating advice blog for men. While certain advice applies to both genders, there is certain advice that is gender specific. I wrote previously about how women are motivated by relationships that lead to marriage; however, with men–it is safe to say that most men are motivated to connect with women on a physical level. There is nothing wrong with that but what creates a divide is when men rush that phase of the process and/or fail to focus on the emotional connection as well. Most women do not want to be objectified by men or feel as though that men are only looking to hook up with them. Many men make the mistake of coming on too strong physically whether that is with their actions or their words. This can easily turn off a woman in its entirety or she will just come to the conclusion that the guy is not a serious guy along with labeling him as a waste of her time and moving on to a better catch.

This leads to a very important question: How do men avoid this from happening and become the ultimate catch in the eyes of the woman of their interest? First and foremost, as I want to point out from the start, it is essential to actually BE A CATCH! From there, men can work on certain skills to improve their dating lives because as we all know–good looks, success, money, assets, etc. are never enough if a man does not know how to treat a woman. Men need to learn to also be patient with the process like women but for different reasons. They need to build intimacy slowly (in other words, do not rush the pace of their physical relationship) AND invest emotionally at the same time. It is possible to create genuine intimacy through physical touch such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc. WITHOUT sex being involved. I truly believe that intimacy is the key to creating natural attraction and developing an attachment between two people which ultimately can lead to both a long term relationship and an incredibly satisfying physical one as well over time when it is supposed to. While I tell women not to rush into serious relationships, the same goes for men to stop rushing into a physical relationship with a woman without taking the proper time that is needed to actually get to know her and to bond with her by establishing a deep emotional connection first.

If you authentically like a woman and are pursuing her for the right reasons, it is important to SHOW her this by being consistent in your efforts when emotionally investing in her while building intimacy without pushing the envelope when it comes to having a physical relationship with her right away. This also creates trust and will make her feel more comfortable with you when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. Even if she is open to exploring a physical relationship with you after a short time of knowing you, I still recommend denying her of sex to make it clear that you are not interested in her for a casual relationship and that you want to continue to better get to know each other first. In return, this will also earn more of her RESPECT towards you and most likely make her feel even more attracted to you (yes, it is amazing how reverse psychology often works as it does here). As always, remember to TRUST THE PROCESS because anything worth your while will take time so you might as well enjoy it while continuing to stay confident in your abilities to manifest your desires!

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships in Its Entirety

In the dating world, while most people opt for relationships that are full of happiness and bliss, the reality is that sometimes relationships are far from healthy and end up becoming extremely toxic. What is a toxic relationship? I would describe a toxic relationship as one that is emotionally draining and consistently problematic. It is normal that couples will argue from time to time but when it happens the majority of the time and the relationship brings more negativity than positivity, I would say that this would be labeled as a toxic relationship. It is easy to fall into a toxic relationship without even realizing it and to keep continuing it for the sake of saving it. However, honestly–these relationships are NOT worth saving and should be avoided at all costs. The real question is, how?

It is important to be consciously aware of when a relationship is taking a turn for the worst or when you start picking up on a series of red flags. As soon as you notice bad behavior or any sign of disrespect, this is your exit ticket to not just walk but to RUN–aka terminate the relationship immediately. The reason it is important to do this as soon as possible is to prevent yourself from developing any deep attachment or strong feelings for the other person and vice versa. If very little time was invested, it is much easier for both people to move on as opposed to walking away from a relationship that lasted for many years. By terminating the relationship, I also want to make it clear that this also means NO CONTACT. I understand for some, that this can be an extremely difficult process because it is reasonable to want to connect and see how someone that you once cared about is doing or to perhaps maintain some sort of friendship. Listen, I get that up to a point. However, let me ask you this–why would you proactively choose to keep someone toxic in your life still? Does toxicity provide any spiritual value in your life or anyone’s life for that matter? I surely hope the answer is NO because that is the correct answer. As soon as you determine at the early stages of the relationship that it has the potential to become toxic, do not hesitate to end it altogether. You are doing everyone a favor by creating the space that is needed for both people to move on and to pursue a better future for themselves without the other person.

Now if you were in a long term relationship with someone for many years and it was rather good in the beginning but then a series of events allowed for the relationship to become toxic over time, I strongly believe that ending the relationship is still your best case scenario. Do not forget that you are always in control of your future and that if you genuinely want to create a brighter one that it is up to YOU to do that–and no one else’s. Things might have been great in the past but if your current partner is causing any added stress, grief, aggravation, and/or other negative impact onto your life, you need to recognize that this is NOT the person for you anymore and that it is time to move on. You not only deserve better but there is a much more suitable match out there for you if you are receptive to that train of thought. As sad as it might feel to give up on a relationship that once brought you joy, it is okay to do so and a far more superior decision in the long run–even if you do not feel or think that way at the present moment. Sometimes you have to close a door in order for the right door to open with a better opportunity. Remember that this spiritual concept applies to most things in life including your personal relationships.

The Best Things to Do When Someone Doesn’t Want to Be With You

When someone is distancing themselves from you or pulling away, it is natural to want to chase more or to try harder to earn back their validation. It is also common to see someone chase after someone they care about once the other person breaks up with them. People tend to hold onto false hope and optimism that by sticking around or by chasing the other person, this person will eventually change their mind and want to be together again or maybe build attraction again. The truth of the matter is, this typically has the OPPOSITE effect and is the wrong psychology. The reason why this is not effective is that if the other person has made up their mind already that they do not want to be with you or continue a relationship, then giving more of your attention is going to actually repel the other person and probably turn them off even more. The only way that there is a chance that things could potentially work out later is to remove your attention in its entirety and to provide them the space that they asked for. This gives the person the freedom and the time to think about what they want and the potential opportunity to miss you. That is why the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” exists is because sometimes time apart is needed in order to rekindle a connection or to realize how much this person was important to them. Keep in mind that there is no guarantee that the other person will miss you but at the very least, giving ample space allows for there to be a chance for this to happen.

Aside from giving the person space, you should also invest your energy into bettering yourself and moving on completely. It is a waste of time to go after someone who doesn’t see your value or want to be with you–bottom line. You are always better off leaving the person alone which also makes it easier for you to get over the person because you took your focus away from them. Also remember that there is no greater investment than investing in yourself and that you can do this in various ways. You can pick up a new hobby, spend quality time with friends, expand your career, etc. Your time is valuable so it is best to invest your time in self than investing it in someone who does not mutually feel the way same way about you. As I have mentioned previously, you naturally become more attractive to others when you possess self love and become your very best version of self but remember that regardless, you are doing this because YOU want to and not for anyone else.

If Someone Walks Away – Let Them Walk

I know I have written something along the lines of this topic previously and it actually to this day still receives the most amount of hits on my blog. It is rewarding to know that people find the message to be valuable and one in which I could only hope that people apply to life and take seriously. Basically the message is this: If someone walks away, let them walk. On the surface, this might come across as harsh or unnecessary. However, it is necessary if you want to move forward within your personal life and start a new chapter that leads to freedom and happiness along with a better future. TOO OFTEN I see people chasing after people who will never value them in return or are holding onto a false hope that their ex will miraculously walk back into their lives again and that they can just “live happily ever after.” Although there might be instances where an ex comes back, usually it is just for the short term because the initial problems that existed tend to arise again because they were never fully resolved the first time.

I understand that there are various reasons to explain why people can’t let go. Many people want to try and make things work because they simply aren’t over the person but it is important to know that time does heal everything. You need to provide yourself ample time and space away from the person to move on. I also recognize that for some, people stay with someone out of convenience and comfort; however, that is never really the right reason to keep a relationship because that essentially is just settling. There are also people who believe that they will never find a better match for themselves but that is definitely not case as I already know that this person is not a good match if they cannot even reciprocate their love for you in return. Regardless of the reason, the outcome still has not changed: The person walked away. Think about it, why choose someone who does not choose you in return? That in and of itself should be the strong deciding factor in your mind as to why you do not want to be with this person either.

It is for this reason why you should develop an ‘all or nothing’ mindset when approaching your personal relationships. If someone is not investing their ALL in you, then you should want NOTHING from this person in return. Please stop settling on someone who is inconsistent with their intent in regards to being with you or someone that’s here today but gone tomorrow. You want to be with someone who is showing up everyday and is there for you through the good and the bad and more importantly, accepts you for who you are. People tend to hold onto any form of validation that exists (even when it is minimal) to justify why they like the person or to create a strong belief that this person likes them back. [On a side note, some people are just genuinely nice people which might make them appear as though they are attracted to you but that should not be confused with them having mutual feelings of romantic interest. It is possible for someone to be extremely nice to you but not be interested whatsoever].

As incredibly hard as it might be in the beginning to let someone go in its entirety, just know that you are doing the right thing for both yourself and the other person. In order to make this a smoother process, you have to remember two things. One–You deserve to be with someone who isn’t going to walk away from you. Two–You need to truly believe that a better suited partner exists. Many seem to forget that there are plenty of options in the Universe and that this one person is not the only person whom you will form a connection with. It is essential that you keep your mind open to the possibilities and in your heart know that you will find everything you are looking for and much more. There is no reason to turn back so just let the people who walk away to completely walk away from you so that you can clear the path for the right person to walk into your life. ❤

Why Playing Hard to Get Does Not Always Work

Many people have heard of the common advice, “play hard to get” when you like someone as this is supposed to increase the other person’s attraction level. Although I would have to agree that this can be effective because it is human nature to want what you do not have, this approach can often be counterintuitive and have zero impact on whether or not someone is going to develop a romantic interest in you in return. Reason being that attraction is not a one size fits all formula and it is unrealistic to expect this tactic or any single tactic to work on every single person. (If only it was that easy, right?) While there is no denying that playing hard to get might provide short term success and work in certain instances; on the other hand, there are reasons as to why this tactic is unsuccessful.

Emotionally Unavailable – Some people are emotionally unavailable where they have too much going on in their personal lives to even be open and receptive to love. Examples of this can include just getting out of a relationship, having unresolved feelings towards an ex, or already possessing a different love interest (that’s not you) which all confirm emotional unavailability. When someone is in this stage in life, it is apparent there is no need to invest any time and energy because any attraction tactic will be a lost cause in any of these scenarios.

Just Not Interested / Indifferent – If the person feels pretty neutral towards you and indifferent where they do not care whether they hear from you or not, chances are if you are playing hard to get, they are not even going to miss your presence much at all and may not even notice you’re going out of your way to apply this tactic. The same also goes if this person is not interested in you romantically as this person will probably feel more relieved to not hear from you rather than an increased level of attraction.

In a Relationship – It goes without saying that you should not even be approaching someone who is in a serious relationship which would also explain why playing hard to get would not really work because this person is emotionally locked into their significant other and I would also classify this as a situation where someone is in a state of emotional unavailability as mentioned previously. No attraction tactic is going to have an effect if someone is happily taken so again, you should not even be thinking about doing anything about it and find a new love interest.

Too Many Options – When someone has too many options in the love department, while a person might be craving more of the attention from the person not giving it to them, I think this can backfire because if someone is absent for too long, this person can easily be forgotten simply due to a lack of contact or simply think the person is not interested while those who are more persistent with their affection will most likely be noticed than forgotten.

Out of Touch, Out of Time – To expand on my last point, when someone is out of touch for too long (in this case, playing hard to get), eventually time runs out too. Why should someone wait around for someone to give them their time? More specifically, someone who has a strong love for self and a high level of confidence is just not going to tolerate this type of behavior and will move onto to someone who is giving them validation as opposed to someone who is playing hard to get because they recognize that this is an unhealthy way to win their heart.

Final Note: If you are in a situation where you feel that you need to ignore someone, disappear for a certain amount of time, or play games to win anyone’s love and attention then you are choosing the wrong person–bottom line. This is not the way that you should want to start off any relationship because clearly there is not a mutual interest (or interest at all) and even if the other person has an interest but perhaps is trying to apply this tactic on you to win your heart, again–this just is not a healthy way to begin any relationship. It can easily turn into a toxic dynamic where one or both people stay emotionally attached for the wrong reasons.

Remember, it goes both ways: 1) Always love yourself and know that you deserve more than someone who has to use manipulation to try to obtain your attention. Your affection and time should be EARNED once the other person steps up to the plate by taking the time to emotionally invest in getting to know you and consistently spending their quality time with you. 2) You should also avoid playing hard to get because when the right person comes along, you won’t feel the need to pull away or play games–quite the opposite will happen as the relationship will unfold much more naturally and the connection will increase over time by bringing two people together rather than apart.

3 Ways to Leave a Positive Emotional Impact on Others

I think when you are naturally more driven by emotions and have a higher EI (emotional intelligence), it comes natural to consciously question, “Do I emotionally impact others in a positive way?” If this is something that never really crosses your mind, then it might be time to bring some self awareness on this subject matter–especially if you consider yourself more of thinker type (one who uses their head more than their heart) or you classify yourself as an emotionless individual.

There is nothing wrong with not being a feeler type as I recognize there are many people who are not built to operate in this way. I do not think anyone should have to change their foundation or that it is even a realistic request as our genetics strongly dictate how we are hardwired to function. However, I do believe that in order to improve your personal and professional relationships, be successful in any business and/or career, and just have more positive everyday encounters, paying attention to the emotional impact you leave on others is essential. Taking the time to just be aware of how you treat others is the first major step. Even if you are emotionally clueless and have no idea how to really emotionally impact others in a positive way, there are certain practices that can implemented to increase the likelihood that a person will develop a positive feeling towards you.

Be a Good Listener and Acknowledge What They Say – In order to really develop a connection with someone, it is important to be a good listener because people want to be able to express themselves and feel like they are truly being heard. To take it a step further, not only remember what the person tells you but acknowledge what they say by applying what they tell you. For example, if the person tells you the type of music that they listen to, you can apply this information by then actually listening to their music to show your interest. From there, you can then make music suggestions based on what they tell you that they like. If you try to suggest music that you like but it’s not something they really like, then this is not really acknowledging their personal interests.

Give Meaningful Validation – People generally like to receive validation from others but when genuine and meaningful validation is given, it has a much higher emotional impact on someone than just giving validation for the sake of it. For example, if someone is an athlete, telling the person they are a great athlete might not hold too much meaning to them because this is what they do and they already are aware of their athletic strengths. If you further get to know the person on a deeper level to learn their other positive attributes which aren’t validated all too often and then compliment them on it, this will definitely make you stand out from others who just compliment them on what is obvious to them.

Show Engagement With Your Body Language – When there isn’t a verbal exchange, people will heavily rely on body language as it is very telling and can either positively or negatively rub someone the wrong way. Body language that is more open and inviting such as smiling, making eye contact, and just giving off a general positive vibe will definitely leave a more favorable impression by showing you are open and engaged in them personally. I understand there will be times that you will not want to attract too much attention from strangers but if you are entering a new social environment or workplace where first impressions matter, it might be a good idea to pay closer attention to your body language. When someone is standoffish with their body language such as never smiling, having their arms crossed, socially obvious to their surroundings, or just caught up in their own world, then this will send the message of detachment when this might not necessarily be the case.

3 Ways to Become Emotionally Attached to Your Goals and Why It’s Important

If you set goals that you do not really care much about, I can safely bet that you are not very likely to achieve them. If you have a feeling of indifference towards the goal in which you do not have any emotional attachment towards or you truly believe it is unattainable, then chances are the accomplished goal will never manifest. This is why it is extremely important to form an emotional attachment towards your goals. When you become emotionally invested and actually attached to the goals that you set, you will automatically be thinking about them regularly and as you know, your deepest thoughts become things and manifest over time. That is the beauty of the Laws of Attraction, it really does work when you feed your mind with your desires and an abundance of positivity on a daily basis in order to propel you to take the action needed to magnetize what you want most. It is never too late in your life to spiritually strengthen your mindset and start attracting everything you ask for in this Universe. [Remember, we live in a world of abundance (even during times when it might not feel that way). Everything you are desiring right now is on its way, more specifically the goals that you emotionally attach yourself to. The Universe might have a stronger control of determining the when but YOU are in full control of your mind by determining the what].

So how do you become emotionally attached to your goals? For starters, how badly do you want these things? What are the sacrifices you are willing to make to achieve them? How much are you willing to step out of your comfort zone for the greater good of manifesting your dreams? Are you willing to fail in order to succeed? These are some of the prerequisite questions you need to think about prior to really setting your mind to something you want to achieve. Again, if your goal is not something you truly want or something that your mind could stay fixated on, then you won’t get to the end goal. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that you need to really dig deep and think about what it is that you would like to accomplish in place of it. Once you do a little soul searching to figure out your goals, there are ways to now bond an emotional attachment towards them.

Write Down Specific Goals and Read Them Every Day – I cannot stress the importance of writing down your goals as detailed as possible and then actually taking the time to read them–otherwise out of sight, out of mind. Storing them in your mind is great but having a tangible index card or journal in which your goals are written down to be read is even more beneficial because it keeps you focused on them and eventually you become obsessed–aka emotionally attached. This is a good thing as it should also ignite some excitement and evoke positive emotions from within to really attain them.

Visualize It Happening Right Now and Focus on How Good You Will Feel Once It is Accomplished – If you visualize yourself experiencing the outcome of your goal, it should make you feel amazing. Maybe the process of getting there might not feel that way but once you achieve it, it should bring you ultimate bliss–so stay focused on that blissful feeling of the end result. When you envision yourself fully embracing your dreams, your mind will find ways to turn this into an actual reality because you already planted the seed in your mind that this is how your life is going to unfold. These positive emotions towards your goal will keep you emotionally attached.

Appreciate Every Little Step You Are Taking to Fulfill Your Goal – In other words, embrace the journey and genuinely cherish any minor accomplishment or stepping stone that was taken to manifest your goal. It is crucial to feel a deep sense of gratitude every step of the way. The Universe will shower you with abundance simply by practicing gratitude and being thankful. Being conscious of every moment, action, and experience associated with achieving your goal will naturally keep you emotionally attached to the point where quitting is not even an option because nothing is stopping you from reaching the end result.

“I Want to Take Things Slow” – What is the Translation?

When dating, the way in which the relationship is paced can vary depending on various factors such as the comfort level of the individual and what the ultimate relationship goals are. Sometimes a person will flat out declare, “I want to take things slow.” I think this can be interpreted in one of many ways and there is not exactly one definitive answer as to what this means. There are certain instances it is apparent the reasoning while other times, you just need to be patient to better understand the other person’s point of view, especially if there is not much clarity to back it up.

Not Fully Out of Last Relationship – If there are any loose ends from their last relationship or a person has not mentally recovered from the outcome of their last relationship, it can be expected that the person will want to move at a slower pace before getting too deep into the next relationship they pursue.

Fear of Commitment – Not everyone is able to fully commit to someone or are in a place in their life where they want that at the present moment. Typically if someone is not interested in a commitment, it is just easier to say they ‘want to take it slow’ than to completely spell out their true intentions–especially if this puts them at risk that the other person won’t want to stay unless there is a commitment. Keep in mind, if the reason stems from a fear of commitment or simply not wanting to commit to you, the person might never be ready or it could take an extended period of time.

Not Wanting to Be Vulnerable – It can take certain people a very long time to open up to another person. In addition, some prefer to protect their feelings out of the fear of getting rejected or abandoned in the long run. So rather than emotionally connecting to the person they are dating, to protect oneself from potentially getting hurt, the person will tend to be more guarded when proceeding with any relationship.

Multiple Options – When someone has multiple options, there is no need to really progress any of their personal relationships on a fast track because they want to compare all of their options and see which person is the best match out of all the options on hand. They might also enjoy dating multiple people or not be looking for anything serious in which none of their options will end up turning into serious leads.

Setting Boundaries – It is important to set boundaries in any relationship and sometimes this is said to do exactly that. By making this statement, it signifies to the other person to not ask for too much too soon while also putting a slight psychological wall up. It might just take some time for them to feel comfortable around you and for their boundaries to slowly come down.

Moving Too Fast Too Soon – Maybe the style in which the relationship started moved at a much quicker pace than they were ready for or perhaps their previous relationship moved too fast in which they are more consciously aware that they want to slow things down and pump the brakes a little bit.

Interest Level is Uncertain – If someone is unsure where they stand with their feelings towards someone, it makes sense to want to take things slow. It does not mean the person does not like you, their level of interest just might not have reached an intense level where they are 100% all in. Attraction is not always an instant spark but often times can be a slow build between two people which could very well have started out as friends and potentially lead into something deeper over time.

Very Focused on Career/Goals – People who are extremely focused on their careers, school, and other life goals typically do not prioritize their personal relationships. This is not to say they do not have an interest in pursuing one, it just means the person has many obligations which can prevent them from giving as much as they can within a relationship so it is to their advantage “to take things slow” so they can still stay focused on their goals while exploring the idea of building a new relationship.

One Day at a Time Approach – Some people approach just about all their relationships and many other areas of their lives on a day-by-day basis. There is nothing wrong with that as some people just need more time before really transitioning the relationship into a more serious one. This is the play it safe route and applies to someone who pursues most things with caution and mindfulness.

There are many reasons why people may want to take things at a slower rate which might feel like a negative thing initially but it does not necessarily have to translate this way. It really comes down to the personality, past relationship experience, life goals, dating preferences, and other individual factors that can dictate the pace in which they want their relationship to unfold. Some people like to move at a slower rate while others move more quickly but at the end of the day, you need to be respectful towards the needs of the other person while also keeping in mind what you are truly looking for. If you find things are not progressing at the rate you feel comfortable with, you can choose to be patient or to move on altogether.

Stuck in the Past? – A Guide to Detaching and Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize (Your Future)

Many people get caught up in their past, whether it be what they miss most or ways their life could have played out differently. Although I am all about reminiscing about the good times and revisiting memories, there comes a time you need to refocus on your current reality: The present moment and planning for your future. The past can shape your life’s path but do not let it control your mind or stop you from progressing forward. Remember, it is in the past for a reason! That ship has sailed away and is ready for the next destination! 😉

So how do you let go of the past? What are healthy ways to detach and keep things moving in the right direction?

Create a Bucket List – If you do not have one already or you have some in your mind, actually take the time to write down what you want to accomplish, places you want to go, experiences you have yet to experience, and/or whatever it is that you want to do! Some you might be able to obtain more easily while others could take many years but the value behind this is giving yourself something to look forward to for your future! It is exciting to think about and knowing you are currently on the journey to manifesting all these great things.

Focus on Self Improvement – I think that working on ourselves is a mission we should carry out throughout our lifetimes. As we age, we might physically and mentally feel like our youth is slipping away but this does not mean that our lives have to be going downhill, heck it should be getting better. We need to find ways to make improvements and upgrades in our lives by setting higher bars and goals to achieve. There might be instances where we face bad times or unfortunate life circumstances but we have to stay committed to getting things back on on track and making gradual improvements.

Take the Time to Reflect – Everything in life happens for a reason. It could have been for the greater good of tomorrow and/or to serve as a life’s lesson. The past cannot be erased and I would never encourage someone to erase it from their minds in its entirety or to suppress the emotions attached to your past but to take the time to reflect on these thoughts and feelings. You can reflect by asking yourself these questions: What did you learn from this past experience? How can you become a better person from it? You can answer these questions by talking to someone you trust who will genuinely listen to you or maybe self reflect by writing in a journal. I think it is healthy to reflect on the past individually or even with others but to then leave it where it belongs–in the past. This takes mental effort and patience but by practicing mindfulness, it is quite achievable.

I want to end by saying, “The best is yet to come.” Frank Sinatra might have sang about it but there is much truth to this if you choose to actually believe in it. There are many things you can look forward to but it all starts with you. The greatest thing you can do as I stated in the title is to keep your eye on the prize which is your future. Take the necessary planning steps needed and get excited for what is in store for you to the point where you are not even thinking about your past anymore. (Out of sight, out of mind right?)

What is a Love Map? – Understanding How It Can Influence Your Relationship Partner Choices

I think the concept of a love map is rather interesting and really would explain why people gravitate towards the people they choose to date or the people they form a crush on. I would describe a love map as a personalized criteria of what a person is looking for in a mate that is heavily influenced by childhood experiences, their environment, and the overall needs needed to provide them fulfillment within a relationship (often times, this includes their psychological unmet needs).

Do you ever notice that you might have a specific type look wise or there are certain types of people you automatically would never date even if they put their very best efforts to woo you? You might also be faced with situations that you are attracted to someone who you never thought you would date based on the surface but somehow you manage to completely fall in love with that person. The reason why you cannot always put your finger on it is because we all have our own love map that guides us to that final destination–in this case to the person we ideally want to be with as they fulfill most of the items on our love maps. I often times bring up the conscious vs. subconscious mind in which the love map is developed within your subconscious mind even though you might have a conscious list of things you look for in a partner.

When relating this to your childhood, the bond you have with your parents, especially your opposite gender parent (whether positive or negative) really can serve as a contributing factor in what will make up items on your love map. For example, when I look at my own childhood, I had a stay at home father who was very attentive to my all my needs, especially my emotional needs. Now on a conscious level, I would not say that I am looking for a man who wants to be a stay at home dad. On a conscious level, I would say I want to be with a man who is career driven; however, on a deep subconscious level, the truth of the matter is that I really do gravitate towards men with a very caring demeanor (like my father) who often times do NOT end up being career driven, and are very sweet with a big heart. Being that this was an environmental factor that I was exposed to growing up, this very much explains why I often times always end up with someone who is more on the softer side and more of an emotionally in tuned individual because my childhood experience shaped my belief to value this quality which ultimately became a quality on my love map. I might say I am proactively looking for one thing (in this case, someone who I label as career driven) but what ultimately controls the choice I make is based on my personal love map which has already been created and stored away in my subconscious mind. This is not to say you cannot have someone who possesses both these qualities, I am just pointing out what outweighs the other when both are presented to you. Often times, your love map cannot be altered as many of the things that are on it really developed subconsciously at such a young age as you’re growing up and transitioning into adulthood.

The love map is a great tool to be mindful of when you are in the dating world and in the process of getting to know someone else. It is probably a bit too bold and forward to flat out ask someone, “So what exactly is on your love map?” as many would not even know what that is or have a concrete answer to it; however when getting to know someone, if you really examine their childhood and environment growing up, it can help you better understand what they prioritize in a meaningful relationship and life partner. Knowing this information can help you determine if you are the right fit for them as they are for you but keep in mind that you do not have the power to change the other person’s love map while also keeping in mind that if you personally do not have the majority of the items on their love map, chances are this will not change over time and the person will not have the capacity to form a deep attachment to you.