Category Archives: Self

How to Spot a Type A Personality – 10 Characteristics to Look For

Although I think it is a little too generalized to categorize people between two groups, it is said that there are two different personality types: Type A and Type B. There is definitely a radical difference between the two with Type A being more competitive and goal oriented whereas a Type B is ultra relaxed and laid back. That is a general sense of their differences but there are definitely more specific things to look for. Type A personality types tend to possess very distinct traits that are easy to detect which include the following:

  • They are fast moving people and always on the go. They tend to also walk fast and like to maximize their time as much as possible. They have little patience for long lines, delays, and wasted time.
  • They are constantly in planning mode. They plan their every move whether it is as simple as their current day or within their future. In order to stay organized, they heavily rely on alarms, to do lists, and a personal planner to stay on track.
  • They strive to find a meaning and purpose behind everything they do. If there is no value behind their actions then they do not really see the point.
  • They are extremely career oriented and invest most of their time towards building their careers. This can sometimes mean they put their personal lives on the back burner in order to stay focused on their education and/or career path (aka their life purpose).
  • They have very little tolerance for people who are unmotivated. They do not understand this whatsoever because this is far from their personality type. Type A personality types are extremely self motivated and disciplined by nature.
  • They often times find it difficult to relax and prefer to be productive instead. The concept of relaxing could actually be more stressful for them because they feel more at ease when they are getting something accomplished.
  • They are doers and like to make things happen as opposed to being inactive . They are constantly building and expanding things in their lives which very often is linked to their career but can overlap in other areas in their lives.
  • They are super focused when it comes to setting goals and finding ways to achieve them. They recognize this often times means putting in the hard work but this is their sense of normalcy so it comes very natural for them to be hard working people.
  • They tend to be perfectionists. This is not to say that Type B personality types cannot be perfectionists as well but that Type A personalities are more prone to it because they are hyper focused on being the most efficient while also being overly critical of themselves. They feel there is always room for improvement and will strive for it rather than settling on staying stagnant.
  • They hold very high expectations in just about all areas of their lives (including themselves). This can include their job, significant other, home, etc. The bar is always set high for them.

Relationship for the Wrong Reasons – Do Any of These Apply to You?

When going into any relationship, it is important to be emotionally available while also being at a point in your life where you actually want to pursue one. More importantly, one should consider choosing to be in a relationship for the right reasons. Of course this varies from person to person and it is good to make sure you are both on the same page before anything gets too serious. Often times, people get into a relationship that might appear to be coming from a good place but beneath the surface when you fully examine it, this is not actually the case.

The next time you are dating or building a relationship with someone new, it is important to not only assess the other person’s motives but more importantly, really dig deep and make a self assessment of your true intent. Pretty much it comes down to: Why are you dating this [specific] person? Since that is a rather general question, I want to actually break it down into factors you should really think about in regards to whether or not you are in a relationship for the right reasons or if you are in one for the wrong reasons in which you might need to reconsider if you belong in it to begin with. Here is a general list of quite common but wrongful reasons to be in a relationship:

I don’t like to be alone or feel lonely. – Unfortunately, I see this happen quite often where someone is constantly in a relationship because of their fear of being alone or not having someone there for them when they need them. This is a problem because this simply means that you can date just about *anyone* in order to eliminate your fear of being by yourself. Being single does not have to be a scary thing, so stop perceiving it that way.

I just want to feel loved by someone. – Yes, I would say that love is a basic emotional need that most people crave or desire to have in their lives but first and foremost, you need to love yourself first! I am sure you also have plenty of people within your social circle including family, friends, co-workers, etc. who care about you on a deeper level in which you will be okay if you are not currently with someone who is in love with you.

It is much easier to get over someone if I start fresh with a new relationship. – I get the logic behind this reason but this is definitely the wrong mindset to have when you are getting to know someone new. Especially if the other person broke up with you and there are lingering feelings left behind, there is really no way to move forward with someone new until you are actually over your ex and can wholeheartedly date with a clean slate again.

Being in this relationship is convenient and there are added perks like saving money on living expenses. – A relationship really should not be a business transaction although I understand that once finances get involved, it can easily turn into one. My point is, if your main motive for dating this person is out of convenience to save money or you like that the person does your house chores or whatever it is that feels like a bonus to you, then you do not really like the person for who they are, just what they do to make your life easier.

The other person really likes me and I do not think I will ever find someone who treats me this well. – This is another weak mindset that shows that you have a scarcity mentality where you do not believe you are capable of meeting someone who loves you and worships you–and who you mutually are in love with in return. That is not true unless your mind actually believes that. Staying with someone simply because “this person likes me so much” and it is not exactly mutual on your end is not the right reason to stay. This is called settling. It is not fair to the other person to keep it going if you do not think you can get to the same emotional, physical, and spiritual level with the other person who feels that way towards you. You cannot force it, so don’t.

Everyone else I know is in a relationship right now and on social media. – Okay if you are someone who is that heavily influenced by social media or by what appears “everyone” else is doing, I find that to be a major red flag in and of itself because quite frankly, who cares what other people are doing–(what exactly are you doing?) In other words, you should be staying in your own lane and focus on your own life’s path. This is also the key to developing your own inner happiness.

At the end of the day, if you are going to choose to be with someone, you have to want to be with that person because it is coming from a genuine place in your heart. You also recognize that this person is far from perfect but someone you greatly admire, accept for who they are, want to share your life with, and thoroughly enjoy their companionship.

You Need to Be A Catch Before You Can Catch the Best Fish

I was having a conversation with someone who needed some advice about dating and was not having much luck with it. I think the dating world can be a tough place to be in, I understand that but if you find that you are consistently unlucky in terms of finding matches or people who want to date you, then a different approach is needed. The main focus should be on yourself and what makes you a desirable person. I think often times many people set very high standards for the type of person they want to be with and can be very picky in terms of who they want to date. That is great to know what you are looking for and setting the bar; however, are you also setting the bar that high for yourself? If the question is no, then how can one expect to attract the best matches or any match to begin with?

I come across this quite often when people tell me that they cannot really meet someone and it is very obvious the reason. The harsh reality is this: The person does not have much to offer. There could be one or many contributing factors that lead me to that conclusion such as a lack of self care, unhealthy habits, no clear career path, money problems, lack of self love, etc. In order to be ready for the dating world, wouldn’t one want to be able to offer their best version of themselves to the world? The first step is to become that best version of self because in the process of doing so, I can guarantee that you will automatically without putting any effort into impressing someone else attract someone who would want to pursue you. That essentially is how the law of attraction works. You put in the right positive energy (in this case, investing in yourself) and you attract that positive energy back your way.

At the end of the day, you need to be a catch before you can catch the best fish. 😉 This does not just apply to dating, this can apply to anything such as landing a job or receiving a promotion. You really need to focus on being a catch first and everything else will follow. You will be able to catch the best fish and by this I mean opportunities simply by putting in the work necessary to be best version of yourself. You also have to really want this for yourself before you focus on wanting to be with someone else. That should always be your first priority.

Stuck in the Past? – A Guide to Detaching and Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize (Your Future)

Many people get caught up in their past, whether it be what they miss most or ways their life could have played out differently. Although I am all about reminiscing about the good times and revisiting memories, there comes a time you need to refocus on your current reality: The present moment and planning for your future. The past can shape your life’s path but do not let it control your mind or stop you from progressing forward. Remember, it is in the past for a reason! That ship has sailed away and is ready for the next destination! 😉

So how do you let go of the past? What are healthy ways to detach and keep things moving in the right direction?

Create a Bucket List – If you do not have one already or you have some in your mind, actually take the time to write down what you want to accomplish, places you want to go, experiences you have yet to experience, and/or whatever it is that you want to do! Some you might be able to obtain more easily while others could take many years but the value behind this is giving yourself something to look forward to for your future! It is exciting to think about and knowing you are currently on the journey to manifesting all these great things.

Focus on Self Improvement – I think that working on ourselves is a mission we should carry out throughout our lifetimes. As we age, we might physically and mentally feel like our youth is slipping away but this does not mean that our lives have to be going downhill, heck it should be getting better. We need to find ways to make improvements and upgrades in our lives by setting higher bars and goals to achieve. There might be instances where we face bad times or unfortunate life circumstances but we have to stay committed to getting things back on on track and making gradual improvements.

Take the Time to Reflect – Everything in life happens for a reason. It could have been for the greater good of tomorrow and/or to serve as a life’s lesson. The past cannot be erased and I would never encourage someone to erase it from their minds in its entirety or to suppress the emotions attached to your past but to take the time to reflect on these thoughts and feelings. You can reflect by asking yourself these questions: What did you learn from this past experience? How can you become a better person from it? You can answer these questions by talking to someone you trust who will genuinely listen to you or maybe self reflect by writing in a journal. I think it is healthy to reflect on the past individually or even with others but to then leave it where it belongs–in the past. This takes mental effort and patience but by practicing mindfulness, it is quite achievable.

I want to end by saying, “The best is yet to come.” Frank Sinatra might have sang about it but there is much truth to this if you choose to actually believe in it. There are many things you can look forward to but it all starts with you. The greatest thing you can do as I stated in the title is to keep your eye on the prize which is your future. Take the necessary planning steps needed and get excited for what is in store for you to the point where you are not even thinking about your past anymore. (Out of sight, out of mind right?)

Denzel Washington Said it Best – “Fall Forward”

I came across this video randomly on YouTube about a month ago and thought it was worth sharing. It was from a commencement speech Denzel Washington gave back in 2011. It is incredibly inspiring and he made many valid points that I agree with one hundred percent.

My favorite line from his speech is this: “If you don’t fail, you are not even trying.” I plan to elaborate in a future post on this idea but basically you need to embrace failing and step out of your comfort zone if you ever want to achieve greatness.

Please take the time to watch this, you will not regret it! It will give you a motivational boost without a doubt. It gives me chills listening to it, especially when listening to the part when he talks about an older woman who approached him at his mother’s beauty shop with a spiritual prophecy. (You got to listen to the video now to find out what she said and how it manifested and came true for Denzel Washington).

“If I’m going to fall, I don’t want to fall back on anything, I want to fall forward.”
– Denzel Washington

Authenticity is More Valuable Than Perfection

I am sure you can recall a time in your life where striving for perfection was your ultimate goal. It can be in school where you were studying to get a perfect grade on an exam or any type of game where you were trying to get a perfect score. I will never say that you should abandon these goals or that it is a waste of energy to want to put in the effort to obtain perfection; however, I think that authenticity holds more value and should be the greater goal in life. By being authentic, that means you have the capacity to acknowledge your strengths but also acknowledge your weaknesses. We as people are simply NOT going to be perfect at everything we pursue or try out so rather than stressing ourselves to be perfect at most things or at all times, we just need to fully accept ourselves for what we do have to offer in this world (and trust me, everybody has something positive to offer 😉 ).

I not only believe that people are more drawn to authentic people but that having authenticity will lead to greater success in life because there is a higher focus on what makes you who you are while also adding dimension to your personality which definitely makes you more attractive both on a professional and personal level.

Looking at the life I created for myself, I will have to admit that there have been many instances in which I wanted to be perfect at something but at the end of the day, being authentic was really more of an overpowering force that lead me to make the right life decisions rather than chasing an unrealistic expectation. Rewinding back to my days at college, going to college was not only an opportunity for me to find myself as it is for most young adults but it gave me the reality check I needed: I did not belong in college. Now I know you might be thinking, “Well you still graduated with a degree, right?” The answer might be yes but going to college made me realize I was not built for it. I could study for hours for an exam and still not receive an A. I could put my absolute best effort and still fall short. I was forced to take all these courses unrelated to my major that I could care less about. Often times I question how I even got through college but the simple answer to this is this: Free Electives. Every free elective I possibly had the opportunity to take a subject of my own free choice, I opted for an Art class. I almost picked it up as a minor but figured Sociology as a minor paired up rather nicely with Psychology. It was not until college that I learned very quickly that my strength was NOT studying and cramming information that I could barely store for a single exam but that my true strength was my ability to create and thrive in an atmosphere where I could be in a constant state of creation. Even though I was content with my final choice of Psychology as my major (I entered my freshman year undeclared but knew it was going to be Psychology or Secondary Education), I remember midway through my Sophomore year of college making the firm decision that graduate school was just not in the cards for me. Coming from a family where education was prized and my parents set the bar that graduate school was the bare minimum, I thought I would take the same road as them and continue my studies after being an undergraduate. At that time, I did not know what my future was going to hold upon graduation if I was not going to continue school until the day before my senior year of college I made a bold decision to check out a makeup artistry school in NYC by myself. I always liked the idea of being a makeup artist but never really thought I would take the time to examine this as a career option. Stepping foot into the makeup school was all the assurance I needed to know that this was not only going to be my destiny but that it would also allow for me to be my authentic self even if that meant it was not the most socially acceptable choice. I could have settled for the “safer” path of continuing my academic studies and trying to strive for a perfection (while stressing myself in the process) that just never would have existed. I chose to be authentic which I personally find to be more valuable of an asset and one that I encourage other people to choose to be. As a result, it lead me to a successful career that I genuinely love now as much as I did as I was learning my craft and most importantly, I fully accept myself. I recognize what I am good at while also knowing what did not work for me and there is nothing wrong with that. Again, we cannot be perfect at everything but we surely can be as authentic as possible! 🙂

What is a Love Map? – Understanding How It Can Influence Your Relationship Partner Choices

I think the concept of a love map is rather interesting and really would explain why people gravitate towards the people they choose to date or the people they form a crush on. I would describe a love map as a personalized criteria of what a person is looking for in a mate that is heavily influenced by childhood experiences, their environment, and the overall needs needed to provide them fulfillment within a relationship (often times, this includes their psychological unmet needs).

Do you ever notice that you might have a specific type look wise or there are certain types of people you automatically would never date even if they put their very best efforts to woo you? You might also be faced with situations that you are attracted to someone who you never thought you would date based on the surface but somehow you manage to completely fall in love with that person. The reason why you cannot always put your finger on it is because we all have our own love map that guides us to that final destination–in this case to the person we ideally want to be with as they fulfill most of the items on our love maps. I often times bring up the conscious vs. subconscious mind in which the love map is developed within your subconscious mind even though you might have a conscious list of things you look for in a partner.

When relating this to your childhood, the bond you have with your parents, especially your opposite gender parent (whether positive or negative) really can serve as a contributing factor in what will make up items on your love map. For example, when I look at my own childhood, I had a stay at home father who was very attentive to my all my needs, especially my emotional needs. Now on a conscious level, I would not say that I am looking for a man who wants to be a stay at home dad. On a conscious level, I would say I want to be with a man who is career driven; however, on a deep subconscious level, the truth of the matter is that I really do gravitate towards men with a very caring demeanor (like my father) who often times do NOT end up being career driven, and are very sweet with a big heart. Being that this was an environmental factor that I was exposed to growing up, this very much explains why I often times always end up with someone who is more on the softer side and more of an emotionally in tuned individual because my childhood experience shaped my belief to value this quality which ultimately became a quality on my love map. I might say I am proactively looking for one thing (in this case, someone who I label as career driven) but what ultimately controls the choice I make is based on my personal love map which has already been created and stored away in my subconscious mind. This is not to say you cannot have someone who possesses both these qualities, I am just pointing out what outweighs the other when both are presented to you. Often times, your love map cannot be altered as many of the things that are on it really developed subconsciously at such a young age as you’re growing up and transitioning into adulthood.

The love map is a great tool to be mindful of when you are in the dating world and in the process of getting to know someone else. It is probably a bit too bold and forward to flat out ask someone, “So what exactly is on your love map?” as many would not even know what that is or have a concrete answer to it; however when getting to know someone, if you really examine their childhood and environment growing up, it can help you better understand what they prioritize in a meaningful relationship and life partner. Knowing this information can help you determine if you are the right fit for them as they are for you but keep in mind that you do not have the power to change the other person’s love map while also keeping in mind that if you personally do not have the majority of the items on their love map, chances are this will not change over time and the person will not have the capacity to form a deep attachment to you.

Jealousy is Wasted Energy – Where it Stems From and How to Overcome These Feelings

As I stated in the title of this blog: Jealousy is wasted energy. However, why are certain people more prone to feeling jealous of others and is there such thing as someone being born with a more jealous personality over someone else? I always tell people that I do not have a jealous personality and I don’t get jealous of others. Maybe as a kid, it is normal to feel jealous every so often but it is such a temporary feeling that I cannot really recall really having those intense feelings towards others.

Unfortunately, I do encounter people who are jealous individuals (I’m sure we all do in our everyday lives) and people who have flat out told me, “I am jealous of you because [insert whatever the reason could be].” Personally, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be around people that potentially could be jealous of me because I never want to evoke those negative feelings inside of someone and it also makes me question if I want to have someone like that in my life as I want to surround myself around positive energy only-people who I could rely on as being a part of my support system and wanting what is best for me.

So where exactly does jealousy stem from? People who feel jealous of other people are individuals who have a very low sense of self worth, lack confidence, and face underlying insecurities that could have developed as young as childhood or that they currently face within their adult lives. Think about it, if you are secure in who you are as a person, why would there ever be a need to be jealous of someone else? When I come across a person who is jealous, I always encourage the person to really look at themselves in the mirror and determine the bigger issue of why they have insecurities from within and what can be done to fix these internal issues.

How to overcome jealousy? As I mentioned, I think the first step is to really find ways to fix your current life circumstances and find ways to build your own self esteem. In order to do this, you need to focus on your own hobbies/passions along with finding your life’s purpose that brings you an abundance amount of personal fulfillment (FYI–this does not always mean a full time career as for some, perhaps being an exceptional parent is your life goal or giving back to the community through volunteer work). Pursuing the things you love in life will enhance your self worth which will ultimately allow you to possess a higher level of self confidence. From there, it will then come natural to let go of any feelings of jealousy that you might have been previously experiencing. Here are some additional ways to make an effort to combat these feelings:

Focus on your life by staying in your own lane – Listen, we all individually are on a different life path with different timelines, different life circumstances, and just a different series of events. Even if you try to emulate someone else’s life such as a family member, friend, or someone you idolize, it probably won’t turn out exactly the same anyhow. If you consciously stay within your own lane by focusing on creating your life path the way you want to lead it, then you should be able to create your own sense of happiness in knowing what your personal road lies ahead. If you feel you are not where you want to be at a certain stage in your life even when you are putting the necessary action and effort, my best advice is to still continue to trust the process that your life will unfold at the time that it is meant to and to not give up. Again, anything in life that is worthwhile is going to be a long road without any shortcuts, so continue to stay in your lane without going off the track and stay positive! 🙂

Don’t compare yourself to others (on social media especially) – Of course people present themselves in the best light possible, especially on social media profiles to project this picture perfect lifestyle. The truth of the matter is, no one’s life is perfect and what you see is not always the reality anyhow. So just because you see someone doing things that you want to be doing does not mean that their life is sunshine and rainbows all the time. Some of the people who appear to be living their best lives are actually some of the most unhappy and insecure people out there so just stop comparing yourself to these people. Who really cares? If this means you need to deactivate your account or spend less time on social media because it is making you feel bad about yourself, then I highly suggest you get rid of it altogether or do not get into the habit of scrolling to see what other people are up to all the time.

Be happy for others at all times – Seriously, I think people need to take the time to be happy for others, especially for other people’s accomplishments as opposed to putting yourself in a state of personal competition with someone else. It is just good karma, plain and simple. I think when you choose to support others and wish people the best, you are only attracting more positive energy into your own life. If you shift your mental focus to a more positive mindset altogether, you also will find yourself not having these feelings of jealousy anymore.

The next time you catch yourself starting to feel jealous, take a moment to examine your own feelings of inadequacy and ways you can work on this within yourself. If this means seeking professional help or just talking to someone who can uplift your spirits, I highly recommend that you take the time to do so. Aside from working on yourself, I hope the tips listed above will make you more consciously aware of ways to overcome your feelings of jealousy as this is definitely something you can get rid of in its entirety if you want to make this a permanent mindset change.

How to Manifest What You Want in Life by Creating a Vision Board / Universe Journal

A few months ago, I wrote an article about manifestation and how the very first step is to simply just think about the things you want because often times “thoughts become things.” Of course just thinking about something will not make something you want magically appear because there needs to be some action to get you towards the end goal. Before taking actual action steps, I want to talk about an important spiritual tool that will get you in a manifestation state of mind. Many people talk about making a vision board although I have what I like to call a “Universe journal” which pretty much represents the same thing. A vision board is a visual representation of the things you want in your life which can be created by making a collage with photos and pictures to represent this. It can cover something very specific such as your career goals or cover a wide range of areas in your life such as home, relationships, travel, health, etc. It can also include words such as quotes, affirmations, and anything that would keep you inspired and motivated. I actually do not have a vision board but as I mentioned, I keep a Universe journal which I created a few years ago and I add images or write things down in it every so often whenever I stumble across something I want to add or whenever I read something inspirational that I want to store permanently. I like keeping it in the form of a journal so it is like a book that I can reference at any given time.

In terms of where to keep it, the best thing to do is place it on your nightstand so you can look at it at night before bed and/or in the morning when you first wake up. It has to be within your sight or else, out of sight, out of mind. I believe the more times you look at it, the more these images are imprinted in your subconscious mind which will propel you to want to manifest it and make these things come to life.

In addition, I do like to write down my goals on index cards in the beginning of a new year (“Universe cards”) and sometimes I will write some new ones throughout the year when I think of new things I want to attract into my life. They key is being very specific and writing down as many exact details as you can. If you write down that you want to buy a house, this is a good goal but you should think more about the specifics such as the location, budget you have in mind, how many rooms, the layout, etc. If you are not exactly sure of the details, you can always add them later when you reflect on them more. I think it can be helpful to write a deadline although I would not get too hung up on this unless it truly is a time sensitive goal. Many things in life can take time and so you cannot expect this to be an overnight process.

I know there are people who are going to be reading this and think this is all made up. I notice the people who are not in touch with their spirituality usually consider this to be a waste of time or just do not believe in the power of manifestation along with the concept of the laws of attraction. If you possess a negative attitude towards this activity, then it probably will not work because you truly need to believe in it.

I did not become very aware or in touch with my spirituality until probably after college. It truly amazes me how much I want actually has manifested over time (and currently is in the manifesting process 😉 ) through visualization. It works because you are putting a greater mental focus on your goals when you actually take the time to lay them out visually and then look at them frequently. Sometimes when I manifest something, even I cannot help but think to myself, “Wow, it is unbelievable this is working” which is why I continue these spiritual practices and I encourage people to do the same. `

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Red Table Talk – Thoughts on Her “Entanglement” and What to Do if You Find Yourself in the Same Situation

When it comes to celebrity gossip, sometimes it grabs my attention but often times I do not know what is going on unless it makes some sort of headline news. For whatever reason, I kept seeing headlines regarding the relationship status of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith within the past 48 hours which lead me to do a little of my own research and find out what this whole “Red Table Talk” of theirs was all about. I could not tell you much about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith other than I know they have been married since the 90’s and seemed to be going strong although based on the recent headlines, I found out otherwise. More specifically, years ago she had an affair with August Alsina who is a singer and happens to be a friend of their son. The truth of the matter is, things might appear great on the surface but you truly do not ever know what goes on behind closed doors. Their relationship has proven to be an epic example of this. I realize their business is no one’s business but at the same time, they came out publicly and recorded their conversation to let people know what was going on between them. This leaves room to analyze the situation in which I will point out some things I picked up from what I watched. Again, I do not know all the details of their relationship and of course many details are kept private but I can at the very least make some observations of what I did learn from their recent discussion on Jada’s Red Table Talk which is a podcast you can find on Facebook.

The reason I find that this is worth bringing to the table (in this case written about in my blog) is because I would not categorize this as “Oh this only happens in celebrity relationships.” Whether in a stage of separation or not, basically an affair occurred and this unfortunately is quite common within personal relationships and even more sadly within marriages. I will point out some things that stood out to me from their public discussion and then share how I would handle the same situation.

Some quotes from Jada Pinkett Smith:

“I got into a different kind of entanglement with August.” – I am sorry but is “entanglement” a code word in 2020 for affair or relationship or just what exactly? That in and of itself is distasteful to me because we are adults here. Can we just call a spade a spade and just simply be straightforward and say, “I had an affair with August?” I do not understand why she cannot be more upfront and just say this out loud. Funny enough, Will Smith tries to call her out on that term and she still uses it!

“I just wanted to feel good.” – Jada justifies her actions for wanting to feel good. I understand if there is any type of friction or hardship in your current relationship/marriage, then you are going to rely on other sources for providing you that happiness or a “feel good” feeling. However, starting essentially a new relationship or as she labeled it a “friendship” with someone of the opposite sex is just a recipe for disaster on many levels. I am sure it started out innocently but the problem is it allowed her to get too vulnerable which later lead to an affair. By that, I mean both emotional and physical cheating, just to put all the facts on the table.

“I learned so much about myself.” – Jada makes this statement but does not really elaborate on what exactly she learned about herself and more importantly, their relationship. If someone told me they cheated and then followed it with, “I learned so much about myself” — it is like, “Oh okay, that is nice you learned more about yourself but do you care about how that impacts our relationship?” Which leads me to the point that I have a major issue with the fact that NOT ONCE did she ever take ownership for her actions or apologize for the mistakes she has made along the way (aka having an affair). This shows to me a lack of empathy which is a huge red flag because that means she is unaware of how her actions affect other people and in this case her husband.

“One of the things that I am deeply grateful for between you and I is that we really have gotten to that place of unconditional love.” – I would not say this is “unconditional love.” Maybe on Will’s end because despite everything that has happened, he is willing to stay and make it work. (To be honest, I do not even think I could call this unconditional love but rather a lack of love towards himself which I will further explain later). For Jada, I do not think her actions have really proven that she has an unconditional love towards her husband. I would say a lack of respect towards him and their marriage, yes. Perhaps if she made some type of an apology or had any hint of remorse, I could reconsider my viewpoint but that was not the case based on what she said publicly.

Okay so now what? What to do if you are in a similar situation? If it were me:

Personally, my perception of self tells me that I deserve the very best, I have a lot to offer to the right person, and I am a hot commodity (lol I know that might come off a smidge conceited but when I say that, I am just saying that I can attract someone new if I really wanted to). So if within a committed relationship, a person is betraying my trust, not empathetic towards my feelings, and has no respect for their relationship with me, how is it possible for me to stay with that person? For one, that is not what I define as a commitment. Furthermore, it is in COMPLETE contradiction of my perception of self and what I want to attract in my life. A guy having a sidepiece (temporary or not) in addition to me? THAT IS A HUGE HELL NO!!! I am all or nothing with most things in life, especially my relationships. If someone cannot provide me their all, then I want nothing.

At the end of the day, I love myself greater than anyone I could ever choose to be with. I generate my own personal happiness with or without someone. People need to get in that place with themselves where they are completely in acceptance and love with self and their life. That is not an easy place to get to for most people but like anything in life, you work on it! You work on bettering yourself, you work on focusing on what brings you true happiness, and you work towards your life goals.

Walking away is never easy, especially when a good length of time is invested (in their case, 25 years)! However, when you love yourself and know what your self worth is, it is a rather easy decision to want to move on. By settling, you are settling on mediocrity and that just doesn’t cut it for me. I strive for excellence, not mediocrity. If you set the bar high, you will not be in a place of settling for anything less than what you authentically desire.

Although time can heal most situations and so can therapy, I do not think I could really fully recover from someone cheating on me and have any inclination to “make it work” with that person. Those actions cannot be taken back and the emotional pain endured just does not make it worth it for me to stick around. I could maybe keep things cordial but ultimately, the final decision would be to let the person go and create a brighter future for myself.