Category Archives: Self

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

Want to Make a Life Change? – 3 Absolute Necessities to Make It Happen

Although this is the time you might be thinking about resolutions and life changes, we all know that you can decide to make a positive shift in your life at any point of the year. However, although people might have the best intentions to do so, often times people fall short by giving up way too soon, not doing anything about it to begin with, and/or were never really too serious about making the change to begin with. This is why it is important to focus on these three things to manifest the change:

Deep Desire – People want many things within their lifetime but the real question is, how badly do you really want these things? For example, many people aspire to lose weight and stay in shape. However, if you do not want it that badly then chances are, you will never get the results you are looking to achieve. A person who is serious about making a change is going to ask, what sacrifices are going to be needed to actually reach the end goal? This question stems from their burning passion from within. When you have a deep desire to achieve something, you will be amazed how much your will power will kick up to high gear along with a focused state of mind.

Belief in Self – I think the biggest setback people often face is self. If you do not strongly believe you can make the life change, think it will require too much work, do not feel you are deserving, or whatever the hesitation might be on your end, then chances are, it will never happen. This is why it is ESSENTIAL that you actually believe you can make it happen. Again, you do not need to know exactly when or how right now to get there but you need to really believe that you can acquire it. If you do not fully believe this on your own, then I recommend relying on people in your life who can positively support you and writing down some affirmations on cards that you can read daily to serve as a reminder and as a way to sink into your subconscious mind.

Execute Action – I always emphasize desiring and believing are the first steps of the process of manifestation but it cannot stop there because that simply is not enough–it is only the start. This is where you need to actually execute action by forming new habits and taking the steps needed to get to your final goal of making the life change. As a preliminary step, writing out an actual action plan can be incredibly beneficial. It will lay out a guideline of the actions needed to manifest exactly what you want. It also provides you a place to track your progress over time and check off everything you have accomplished along the way throughout the journey to completion.

The 5 Love Languages – What They Are and My Overall Thoughts

The concept of the 5 Love Languages has been around for quite some time and I just had to Google it now for the exact year (if you do not feel like clicking on the link, the answer is 1992). I actually never took the time to examine the love languages until more recent years as people have asked me how I felt about them and if I knew what my love language was.

My initial thought when I read what they were was, well aren’t they all important in a meaningful relationship? I mean seriously, they all sound valuable and key components of any strong relationship. However, as I really thought about it more thoroughly, I realized that actually, the love languages can definitely vary from person-to-person with someone prioritizing one love language way over another along with someone else not really caring about a love language in its entirety. Even looking upon my prior dating experiences, I do recall breaking up with someone who I knew greatly cared about me with the reason being, “I just don’t feel the love in which I need it.” I never said, “I’m breaking up because our love languages are not the same.” I did not even know much about the love languages at this time; however, when thinking about it, that was very much the truth and bottom line for the break up: Our love languages did not match.

It is for this reason, I think it is wise to examine the different love languages for both a better understanding of yourself along with better equipping yourself for the dating world when you are in a relationship. I believe taking the time to understand your partner’s love languages can go a long way in terms of the overall success of the relationship. So what are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation – This love language involves expressing love through words such as compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal support. A person who values this love language will enjoy a hand written card and appreciate a well thought out text message.

Quality Time – A person who loves quality time is someone who cherishes creating memories with their partner and having actual time spent with each other. This can also include quality time spent talking on the phone, doing activities, and having meaningful conversations.

Acts of Service – The expression, “Actions speak louder than words” best applies to someone who chooses acts of service as their love language. They like when a person does something nice for them to show that they care.

Gifts – This love language is about the act of gift giving with more of an emphasis of the meaning and thoughtfulness of the gift more than the monetary value. A person who prizes this likes to receive gifts as it serves as a more visual representation of love.

Physical Touch – People who enjoy physical touch as their love language like physical signs of affection such as cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc. This can include sex as well. The specific type of physical affection most valued can vary but a person with this love language feels most loved when physical touch is involved.

All in all, I think the theory behind the love languages holds some validity in terms of how couples can express love towards one another; however, I do believe there are many more variables within a relationship to determine its overall longevity and success. For example, you might have two people who share the same exact love languages but if they are not compatible to begin with, it probably will not last over time. I believe sharing the same love languages can be extremely beneficial but that there are many other components within the relationship to further examine.

If You Are Not the Person You Want to Be – 5 Steps to Get You Closer

As we step into yet another new year, we often think this is the time to come up with some resolutions with the mindset that this is going to be our greatest year yet. The truth of the matter is, our lives are constantly a work in progress and essentially a masterpiece we are creating one stroke at a time, in other words each and every day. The beginning of a new year is a great time to refocus on what we are looking to achieve while for some it might be a good time to press the reset button and start something entirely new.

Another thought to consider is, who are you today and who is the person that you want to become? After digging deep and thinking about that, the next thought is to ask yourself, how do you become that person and what is it going to take to do so? In order to become the person you aspire to be, here are five things you can do to build yourself up:

Have a Vision – Everything starts with a vision. You need to start by proactively thinking about the life you want to live including the life experiences and lifestyle you want to acquire. It should excite you just thinking about the vision within your mind, the more vivid the better.

Write It Down – As much as it is important to create the thoughts in your mind, thinking and talking about anything is not the same as actually writing it down. That is why I advise taking the time to write down in a journal or an index card specifically who you want to be and taking it a step further by planning out ways you can achieve this.

Create Affirmations – If you have never taken the time to write affirmations about yourself, this is a great time to start. Affirmations are powerful because they are statements you are declaring about yourself. Even if you do not fully believe in what you are writing right now, it will sink in your mind over time if you repeat them in order to start believing them.

Improve Your Habits – In order to become a better person or get better at anything, focusing on your habits and improving them is key. I also recommend finding a way to track your progress as this holds you more accountable and you can see your growth over time.

Study the People You Admire – Is there someone in your life whom you greatly respect or perhaps a famous person whom you admire? This is a good opportunity to learn about them by taking some mental notes on how they live their lives and then applying what they do to better your own life while continuing to look up to them as a role model.

A Time to Reflect – What I Do on Every New Year’s Day

For starters, happy new year! 🙂 The years go by so fast that it is really hard to believe a new year is upon us. The year 2020 was a year that presented many challenges but on the positive side, we can all learn very much from these challenges. It took many of us out of our comfort zones which I do not view as a bad thing because this tests our inner strength and can only make us stronger. I am not dismissing the fact that 2020 was a rough year on so many of us but just acknowledging that we can still find good things rather than only focus on the negatives.

New Year’s Day for me is a time of solitude and reflection. This is not to say that I stay isolated all day as I am sure I can recall previous years where I was surrounded by others on New Year’s Day but more often than not, I usually find a good portion of the day to just be by myself. I find that it is calming and it spiritually energizes me to look at where I am today while focusing on where I want to be tomorrow. Whether it is a new year or not, I always want to be progressing in life and if I am going to fall, I’m surely going to fall forward.

I also take the time on New Year’s Day to write a letter to myself. I cannot recall when exactly I started this New Year’s tradition but I am going to say this started at least ten years ago by this point. It is never a long letter but I tend to write about where I am at that moment on that day and also write where I predict I will be a year later. I find it really interesting to read the letter a year later because it captures that moment in time while also seeing how much changes from year-to-year. Although many areas of my life stay relatively stable, I do find my life from one year to the next can be rather unpredictable. (Ex: I think we can all agree that there was no way we could have predicted that we would be living through a pandemic right now).

Although many people might not be too fond of writing, I recommend taking some time out of your day to write a New Year’s letter to yourself. You can write about anything such as where you are right now in life, what you see in your future, and whatever is of relevance to you at the present moment. There are no specific guidelines as to how to do this as this is a personal letter that you are writing to yourself and for no one else to read (personally–I never share the letter with anyone). After you write the letter, you can seal it and store it in a safe place to not be opened until January 1st, 2022. I find the thought of what the first day of the year 2022 is hard for me to fathom right now but it is intriguing thinking about next year on the first day of the current new year.

Self Love is Not About How Many Selfies You Post on Social Media – (It is This Instead)

One of the many themes of this blog is the concept of self love because possessing self love is not only healthy but it will also guide you in making the right decisions in regards to your personal relationships. In other words, when you love yourself, then you are less likely to be in situations where people are not treating you right and it will become pretty automatic to weed out the wrong people from your life in its entirety. You will develop a zero tolerance for misbehavior policy because you are just too damn worth it to have to settle or deal with the nonsense (lol–heck, it’s true)!

In today’s modern culture where social media is prevalent and has become a significant part of our daily lives (not everyone of course but the majority), I find that there is such a thing as people who overshare selfies or just photos of oneself. Now if you are in a career such as a model where you are promoting yourself through the use of artistic images as a portfolio in order to collect more work for yourself then by all means, I find that it makes total sense to post them for professional reasons and I understand the logic behind that. However, most people are not professional models or are in a field that would require posting photos of oneself on the regular.

I find people who pretty much only post selfies or do so on a daily basis tend to lack self love because they are in constant need of validation from the outside world and in need of likes, comments, and attention in order to feel good or to feel relevant. Someone who has self love does not need to rely on social validation from others to feel good because it radiates from within. They know they look good already so they do not need to over project their image to the world. They seek validation in more meaningful ways than just images of themselves. Anyone who knows they are attractive or smart or whatever value they offer do not need people to be reminding them of these things. Someone who does not naturally have self love will be looking for it in all the wrong places and their validation will come from a place of neediness and scarcity.

I do not think there is any harm in sharing a photo of yourself enjoying a life experience or maybe you really had a nice outfit to share–I would just suggest to be more selective in the images you post so it does not make you come off as someone who is desperate for attention from others and that you offer more valuable substance than what you look like on the outside. Plus with all these filters and photo editing apps, who really knows if these images are truly that authentic anymore. I also believe that the less selfies you post, the more valuable it is when you actually do take the time to post a photo of yourself so make it count by limiting your selfies and by sharing other aspects of your life that don’t revolve around your image but maybe a hobby, event, destination, family, friends, etc.

The Importance of Chasing Intrinsic Happiness if You Want to Be Successful

What is success? Everyone has a different view as to what success means to them. Success to one person could mean an abundance of fortune while to someone else it could mean achieving fame or perhaps it could be a combination of both and so much more. Success can mean different things to different people. Despite success being translated in various ways, one universal principle that will keep you on the pathway to success comes down to your constant pursuit of intrinsic happiness. The reason why I want to emphasize the intrinsic aspect of happiness is because it really needs to come from within your soul (and not someone else’s). It has to be automatic, natural, authentic, and ultimately make you feel good inside.

If you are pursuing things in life for the sake the of it, everybody’s doing it, or someone tells you it is a good idea when you do not feel the same way, that does not equate as success in my book because it does not revolve around doing what brings you intrinsic happiness. For example, society likes to paint a picture of how your life is meant to play out. In order to have a successful career, you need to pursue an education by going to college. So does that mean that every “successful” career requires a college degree? Absolutely not! Especially in today’s modern world, there are plenty of ways to work towards a successful career that might not require a formal education. The same goes for marriage. It might appear that you need to get married by a certain age in order to reach a high level of success within your personal life but some people might not have the desire to get married or have a family. A person focused on intrinsic happiness while doing it solo can still have the capacity to attract success into their lives and sometimes even more so even if it appears that their personal life was compromised.

At the end of the day, you really need to ask yourself, what makes you happy from the inside out? What brings you joy and makes you feel excited to be alive? When choosing a career path that leads to success, opting for a job that guarantees a hefty salary might be a strong motivating factor but you need to also love what you do. If you dread going to work or hate your job, then maybe it is time to leave your field altogether and try something new. It is never too late to reinvent yourself. I also truly believe that whatever it is that you gravitate towards in life, the money will follow and you can make a living from it. Some paths will take longer than others but with the Laws of Attraction put into place, you do not need to worry so much about the how and when but rather trust the process by trusting what your soul is telling you to chase in life. We all have one life to live–so let’s make it count by investing our energy and time into the things that provide us a life full of purpose and personal satisfaction which will ultimately bring us a heightened level of success in all areas of our lives. 🙂

Stop Taking Things Personally – 3 Ways to Learn How to Let it All Go

It is natural to take things personally and feel offended based upon a person’s words or actions, especially if they were directed at you or perhaps towards someone you care about. However, holding onto those feelings will only dominate your mind with negativity while also potentially creating mental setbacks within your life. For example, if someone told you that you are not good at a hobby and you chose to believe it, then you might no longer pursue it anymore even though you enjoy it. There are ways to let things go and to prevent your mind from fixating on the things that can easily be taken to heart.

Build a Strong Foundation (YOU) – It is up to you to build a strong foundation from within and create the best version of yourself throughout the course of your life. This includes developing a sense of self worth and loving yourself. When you possess strength in your mind from knowing your value, then you are less prone to taking things personally because the negativity is not in alignment with how you feel about yourself.

Surround Yourself With Positive People – When you create a positive social circle and support system, it is natural that you won’t be as exposed to negativity to begin with. Who wants to befriend someone who is constantly going to bring you down? Once you are more aware of people’s energies, it will become easier for you to only attract those in your life who will support you and make you feel good.

Know the Difference Between an Insult and Constructive Criticism – There is a difference between someone outright insulting you versus someone providing you with constructive criticism to help you become a better person. If someone is insulting you then you have to let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not let the negativity stay permanently, just dismiss it and remember that out of sight, out of mind. However, if someone such as a coach gives you constructive criticism as a form of feedback, it is important to utilize this as a way to encourage self improvement and as an opportunity for personal growth.

How to Spot a Type A Personality – 10 Characteristics to Look For

Although I think it is a little too generalized to categorize people between two groups, it is said that there are two different personality types: Type A and Type B. There is definitely a radical difference between the two with Type A being more competitive and goal oriented whereas a Type B is ultra relaxed and laid back. That is a general sense of their differences but there are definitely more specific things to look for. Type A personality types tend to possess very distinct traits that are easy to detect which include the following:

  • They are fast moving people and always on the go. They tend to also walk fast and like to maximize their time as much as possible. They have little patience for long lines, delays, and wasted time.
  • They are constantly in planning mode. They plan their every move whether it is as simple as their current day or within their future. In order to stay organized, they heavily rely on alarms, to do lists, and a personal planner to stay on track.
  • They strive to find a meaning and purpose behind everything they do. If there is no value behind their actions then they do not really see the point.
  • They are extremely career oriented and invest most of their time towards building their careers. This can sometimes mean they put their personal lives on the back burner in order to stay focused on their education and/or career path (aka their life purpose).
  • They have very little tolerance for people who are unmotivated. They do not understand this whatsoever because this is far from their personality type. Type A personality types are extremely self motivated and disciplined by nature.
  • They often times find it difficult to relax and prefer to be productive instead. The concept of relaxing could actually be more stressful for them because they feel more at ease when they are getting something accomplished.
  • They are doers and like to make things happen as opposed to being inactive . They are constantly building and expanding things in their lives which very often is linked to their career but can overlap in other areas in their lives.
  • They are super focused when it comes to setting goals and finding ways to achieve them. They recognize this often times means putting in the hard work but this is their sense of normalcy so it comes very natural for them to be hard working people.
  • They tend to be perfectionists. This is not to say that Type B personality types cannot be perfectionists as well but that Type A personalities are more prone to it because they are hyper focused on being the most efficient while also being overly critical of themselves. They feel there is always room for improvement and will strive for it rather than settling on staying stagnant.
  • They hold very high expectations in just about all areas of their lives (including themselves). This can include their job, significant other, home, etc. The bar is always set high for them.

Relationship for the Wrong Reasons – Do Any of These Apply to You?

When going into any relationship, it is important to be emotionally available while also being at a point in your life where you actually want to pursue one. More importantly, one should consider choosing to be in a relationship for the right reasons. Of course this varies from person to person and it is good to make sure you are both on the same page before anything gets too serious. Often times, people get into a relationship that might appear to be coming from a good place but beneath the surface when you fully examine it, this is not actually the case.

The next time you are dating or building a relationship with someone new, it is important to not only assess the other person’s motives but more importantly, really dig deep and make a self assessment of your true intent. Pretty much it comes down to: Why are you dating this [specific] person? Since that is a rather general question, I want to actually break it down into factors you should really think about in regards to whether or not you are in a relationship for the right reasons or if you are in one for the wrong reasons in which you might need to reconsider if you belong in it to begin with. Here is a general list of quite common but wrongful reasons to be in a relationship:

I don’t like to be alone or feel lonely. – Unfortunately, I see this happen quite often where someone is constantly in a relationship because of their fear of being alone or not having someone there for them when they need them. This is a problem because this simply means that you can date just about *anyone* in order to eliminate your fear of being by yourself. Being single does not have to be a scary thing, so stop perceiving it that way.

I just want to feel loved by someone. – Yes, I would say that love is a basic emotional need that most people crave or desire to have in their lives but first and foremost, you need to love yourself first! I am sure you also have plenty of people within your social circle including family, friends, co-workers, etc. who care about you on a deeper level in which you will be okay if you are not currently with someone who is in love with you.

It is much easier to get over someone if I start fresh with a new relationship. – I get the logic behind this reason but this is definitely the wrong mindset to have when you are getting to know someone new. Especially if the other person broke up with you and there are lingering feelings left behind, there is really no way to move forward with someone new until you are actually over your ex and can wholeheartedly date with a clean slate again.

Being in this relationship is convenient and there are added perks like saving money on living expenses. – A relationship really should not be a business transaction although I understand that once finances get involved, it can easily turn into one. My point is, if your main motive for dating this person is out of convenience to save money or you like that the person does your house chores or whatever it is that feels like a bonus to you, then you do not really like the person for who they are, just what they do to make your life easier.

The other person really likes me and I do not think I will ever find someone who treats me this well. – This is another weak mindset that shows that you have a scarcity mentality where you do not believe you are capable of meeting someone who loves you and worships you–and who you mutually are in love with in return. That is not true unless your mind actually believes that. Staying with someone simply because “this person likes me so much” and it is not exactly mutual on your end is not the right reason to stay. This is called settling. It is not fair to the other person to keep it going if you do not think you can get to the same emotional, physical, and spiritual level with the other person who feels that way towards you. You cannot force it, so don’t.

Everyone else I know is in a relationship right now and on social media. – Okay if you are someone who is that heavily influenced by social media or by what appears “everyone” else is doing, I find that to be a major red flag in and of itself because quite frankly, who cares what other people are doing–(what exactly are you doing?) In other words, you should be staying in your own lane and focus on your own life’s path. This is also the key to developing your own inner happiness.

At the end of the day, if you are going to choose to be with someone, you have to want to be with that person because it is coming from a genuine place in your heart. You also recognize that this person is far from perfect but someone you greatly admire, accept for who they are, want to share your life with, and thoroughly enjoy their companionship.