Category Archives: Self

Navigating Expectations Within Relationships – Why It Is Important to Find a Healthy Balance

When it comes to expectations, I find that people tend to either set them too high or too low. It is definitely good to set expectations in general as opposed to not setting them at all but there is such a thing as setting expectations that are too high. When it comes to personal relationships, it is important to make a conscious effort in finding a healthy balance with your expectations. It is natural to place high expectations on a new relationship or when you meet someone new whom you really like. While you might have a mental checklist of exactly what you are looking for in a mate, the reality is, no one is perfect and no one is going to fit every single item on your checklist. That is why I emphasize that the key is BALANCE when navigating your expectations or otherwise you are always going to be left unhappy–no matter who you’re with.

I recommend taking the time to develop a realistic list of expectations of what matters to you most but to also keep your mind open to other people’s differences. While it is great being able to find a person with many similarities, sometimes contrasting traits will enhance the relationship and still ensure that there is compatibility because they will compliment each other. A common example of this is if someone is more extroverted, this person will tend to connect better with someone who is more introverted. When developing any healthy relationship, it is essential to have the capacity of adapting to others while also being flexible. As I mentioned previously, being too rigid and/or setting your expectations too high will typically result in major disappointment and unhappiness which all could have been avoided.

If you do find that you are dating someone who doesn’t meet any of your expectations–in other words, this person has more negative qualities than positive qualities, then you have every right to want to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in settling with being someone who does not live up to any of your expectations and mislead the other person into thinking that you are invested in the relationship when you already know ultimately that you are not interested due to unmet expectations.

Self Confidence Is Based On YOUR Personal Beliefs Above Anything Else

Self confidence can come from various sources and change throughout the course of your life; however, there is no denying that self confidence will naturally manifest from within if you do things that align with your belief system. For example, if you believe that education equates to success, then you should take the courses needed to help you progress in your career which would ultimately make you a successful person over time. Everyone’s personal values and beliefs are individually selected so it is important to establish what you find most important and then take the action that is needed to possess those qualities. Another example might be prioritizing a fit and healthy physique as something that makes you feel confident. If this is important to you, then you will naturally be inclined to work out and implement a healthy diet in order to get the results needed.

While many have a belief that what others think of you matters, it is important to develop the mindset that you are a high value individual and can generate your own self confidence no matter what other people do or say. When you genuinely possess high self esteem, your belief about yourself will never be impacted or changed. Why? Your confidence levels and self worth are not determined by the people around you and come from within which is ultimately a positive thing. You want to get to a place in your life where you do not care what other people think of you because how you feel about yourself is what matters most. That is why it is important to pursue things that bring you both joy and confidence which are in alignment with your beliefs. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is time to dig deep and make some serious changes. You need to first focus on what you want and from there, actually implement the changes needed while working on developing the characteristics that can allow you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that it is important to want to make the changes for yourself and not because someone is pressuring you to be a certain way or to please others. Always let your intuition paired with your belief system be the guiding forces of your life and you will be on a spiritual path to growth and acceptance of self.

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

Always Make Moves In Life – You Can Change the Direction Later

As you navigate through life, it is best to always be making moves and taking action as opposed to doing nothing or staying stagnant. If you stay comfortable and complacent all the time, you will find that your life is not only unfulfilling (perhaps boring) and that you aren’t going anywhere. Who wants to stay in the same place all the time? I understand that many people feel a higher level of security staying within their comfort zone but there isn’t much spiritual growth and it is during the times that you challenge yourself and try something new that you are actually elevating yourself in the long run.

Even if you made a life decision that did not go as planned, at least you can say that you tried and you can always change the direction later. In life, you sometimes have to take a few detours before getting on the right track of your life. As I have pointed out previously, sometimes a setback is a set up for something even better in your future. So don’t be afraid to take chances and try new things! I promise that you will never regret it! 😉

Ignore the Social Media Facade – Your Personal Happiness Is More Important Than Conformity and What You See Others Doing

Whether consciously or unconsciously aware, people tend to conform with society and emulate the lives of others around them or those whom they admire. It is especially natural to want to live life like other people because with social media, we are constantly exposed to how glamorous and beautiful people’s lives are because of the way others choose to showcase the very best aspects of their lives. The truth of the matter is, life is NOT always glamorous and what you see on the surface isn’t always the reality. People never post their failures, insecurities, challenges, unflattering photos, and/or their struggles. It is for this reason it is best to not care or be influenced by what you see people doing and to just focus on your personal happiness–even if it is not what is commonly seen on social media or conforms with society.

When I look at why I am happier than most people, part of it has to do with the fact that I do not compare my life to others because I understand that everyone’s individual path is unique and special. I proactively stay on my own path to happiness and pursue my authentic interests on my own time schedule. I do not go through the motions of doing things for the sake of it or because everyone else is doing something. I care more about my happiness than conformity because at the end of the day, what makes me happy might be different from what someone else defines as their happiness.

It is a good idea to reduce your screen time and detach from your social media accounts (in other words reduce your time on them or avoid them altogether) so that you are not tempted to look at what everyone else is doing. Not only is it a waste of time but that energy can be best spent focusing on your own personal goals and mapping out your very own beautiful future. Your time is a valuable spiritual asset so it is important to spend it wisely and invest your time in the right places. It is refreshing to live your life in real life anyhow as opposed to always staying behind a screen!

10 Ways to Boost Your Attraction Level That Are Unrelated to Your Physical Appearance

When people think of someone who is attractive, the first thing that often comes to mind is basing their attraction level based on their physicality. While there is no denying that looks are a factor in determining a person’s attraction level, the truth of the matter is, that is not the only factor. That is why when I see a person go through drastic measures to change their looks (ex: plastic surgery), I feel that this person has a false sense of reality in thinking that their looks are everything while also seeing this as a sign of low esteem. I do not want to generalize and say that this applies to all individuals but oftentimes, you will find that these are the underlying internal issues. There is nothing wrong with caring about self care and one’s appearance. When it becomes an issue is when a person has unrealistic expectations and cannot accept both their flaws and assets. As I mentioned previously, there are so many attributes and characteristics that can make someone incredibly attractive that goes past what reflection is seen in the mirror. Although there are probably hundreds to thousands of attributes, I came up with a short list of 10 things that came to mind.

Setting Aspirations and Goals – While most people might not place a ton of emphasis on goal setting, I find people who are goal oriented to be extremely attractive. It is more attractive to me to see someone investing their money and energy into their goals as opposed to their vanity aka their physical appearance. People who like to set goals tend to be self motivated, disciplined, and ambitious which are all extremely desirable and attractive qualities to have.

Possessing Healthy Habits – By possessing healthy habits, that does not just refer to health and exercise habits, it can apply to having any healthy habit that is beneficial to one’s soul and well being such as great sleep habits, work habits, etc. It is attractive to meet people who have good habits in general because they could be a good influence on yourself to develop better habits as well.

Pursuing Your Passions and Hobbies – It is refreshing to meet people who have defined passions and hobbies in life because it makes them more interesting. When people do not have passions, it can make the individual rather boring and unattractive.

Having a Fulfilling Career – I specifically mentioned a “fulfilling” career because this will ensure a higher level of happiness and personal fulfillment which ultimately is more meaningful in the long run. When someone has a career that they love and are good at, that is attractive. Usually with a fulfilling career comes both success and money which are all attractive things associated with a rewarding career path.

Being Genuine and Authentic – Authenticity is attractive because that means that what you see is what you get. The person knows how to be genuine and authentic which also shows that this person does not feel the need to be fake or to act like someone they are not. More people should adapt this quality not only to develop a stronger sense of self but also to enhance their attractiveness.

Reaching Financial Stability and Independence – I did not specifically use the word “rich” because it should not be about how much money someone has but their ability to be responsible with it and have complete financial independence. It is unattractive meeting someone with a significant amount of debt and/or money problems because this shows a lack of discipline and poor money decisions.

Having Similar Interests – As they say, “birds of a feather flock together” which would explain why it might feel natural to find someone with similar interests to be attractive. I believe sharing interests can bring people together whether that is a friendship or a personal relationship which is why having similar interests can be very attractive.

A Great Sense of Humor – There is no doubt that having a good sense of humor can add to one’s attraction level. When someone has the ability to make others laugh, it makes people feel good and happy. This is definitely a positive attribute and one that many people tend to value.

High Emotional Intelligence – While many would say that intelligence is attractive, there are so many different ways to define a person’s intelligence. Although book intelligence is seen as attractive and I am not taking away from this, I would say emotional intelligence is even more attractive. People with a strong emotional intelligence understand a person’s feelings and know how to connect on an emotional level. This is attractive because it’s easier to build a bond with someone who is emotional intelligent.

Believing in Self and Having Confidence – Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. The reason being is that self confidence propels people to succeed and progress in life because of their strong belief in their abilities along with setting higher standards because they know they deserve the very best. People with a true inner confidence do not need to strictly rely on their physical appearance in order to feel good about themselves and dig deeper beneath the surface to find things that increase their confidence levels.

My Thoughts on Privacy and Trust Within Relationships

When it comes to trust, I have always preached that I believe that trust is a choice. In other words, you have control of who to trust as opposed to just equally choosing to trust or not trust someone. At the same time, you also have the choice in which you want to keep your own privacy. It is your right to keep something private if that is what feels most comfortable to you.

Within any relationship, the goal is to form a bond where two people feel they can trust each other while also respecting each other’s privacy when asked for it. It is a form of manipulation if someone guilt trips you into telling them something or doing something out of your comfort zone by saying that you should automatically trust them. It can take some time for someone to be able to trust so it is important to respect that and to have patience. No one should take this too personally because trust is something to be earned. It is okay to inquire about the other person’s reasoning if you are concerned about there being a lack of trust but the best thing to do is to be both receptive accepting of their response as opposed to being reactive, upset, angry, and/or disappointed. A negative response can result in resentment along with more reason to be distrustful.

Also keep in mind that if you are in a situation where you feel the need to overstep boundaries and betray the person’s trust such as going into the other person’s email, text messages, social media, etc. then that means you have very little trust in this person and it might be a good time to reconsider keeping this person in your life. On the other hand, maybe this is a time to dig deep from within to see what would provoke you to do this. Did someone betray your trust in the past? Do you have a problem building trust in general? If it stems from an insecurity or paranoia on your part where the other person did not do anything wrong or signal that something was wrong, then this is something that you might need to work on. I think going behind someone’s back to look through their stuff is a betrayal of trust and it can be expected that any trust that was in place could be at risk of totally being broken and could also create a wall between you and this person. It is understandable to be curious or to question a person’s intentions from time to time but it is much better to approach a person with your trust concerns than going ahead and investigating on your own and betraying someone’s trust in order to provide you security or to confirm any suspicions you might have. Remember that with trust, it is both give and take. In order to receive trust, you must be able to give the other person your trust in return while also taking the right actions to prove that you are a trustworthy individual to begin with.

“The Grass Is Greener Where You Water It”

While most people are familiar with the quote, “the grass is greener on the other side,” I recently discovered a better quote. “The grass is greener where you water it.” Many people seem to think that the things they don’t possess are better but oftentimes this is not the case. People should get into the habit of focusing on the good things that they already have while also putting their attention towards manifesting positive things that they put their energy towards. While I am all for looking for better opportunities and making life a better one, sometimes you will find that you already have it good and you just need to keep nourishing what you have.

For example, instead of saying that you wish you had a “better” body, why not put your focus on the body that you have and implement the right diet and exercise routine to get you that better body? In other words, appreciate what you have and make it better by making it your top priority to improve it. In life, we already are equipped with a lot of great things to begin with, it is just up to us to recognize this and make the very best of what we got! Also remember that gratitude attracts more abundance! So it is important to learn to be happy with what you have rather than thinking that things are “greener on the other side” or constantly comparing yourself to others in hopes that you could have what they have.

Don’t Let a Scarcity Mindset Ruin Your Dating Life

There are many factors that can hinder people from having a successful dating life and one of the biggest that I see are those who possess a scarcity mindset. What is a scarcity mindset and how does it apply to dating? A scarcity mindset stems from the thought that there are limited options and that there are not enough resources to go around. So as a result, a person with a scarcity mindset believes that they must hold onto dear life everything that they have because something else might not come their way. I can assure you that this is extremely far from the truth! Let’s not forget that we live in an abundant world with lots of opportunities which means that you should never settle upon anything and this is especially true when it comes to dating!

Here are the most common things that I hear people say and I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way to think because it is coming from a place of scarcity when you should train your brain to live ABUNDANTLY.

“I am not happy with my current relationship but I do not think that I could ever find someone again.” – This is a horrible way to think! This essentially is saying that it is okay to settle for unhappiness because there is no hope in finding someone who could be a better suited match. I do believe that two people can find a healthy way to make things work within a relationship but at the same time, if in your heart you know that this is not the one, it is not wise to keep the relationship going just because you do not think you could find someone better. You won’t know unless you break off the relationship, put yourself out there, and explore other dating opportunities.

“I do not think that I will ever find someone this good so I will do whatever it takes to keep them in my life, even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices that I am not happy about.” – This to me not only conveys that this person has a scarcity mindset but it also shows that this person holds onto many insecurities. I say this because a secure person would not feel they have to bend over backwards just to keep someone around and would want an equal partnership. Someone who is very insecure might feel they have to do a lot in order to compensate for what they are lacking inside and feel that they will only be loved if they go above and beyond for the other person even if that means that the other person is not reciprocating and treats them as a doormat.

“I am never going to find anyone so what is the point of even looking?” – Wow, I do not think it could get much worse than this! This is such a depressing way to think and goes to show that a person that thinks this way is not thinking with an abundant mind. A person with an abundance mindset would know that there is someone for everyone and that they will eventually find their match because there are plenty of people they could connect with and potentially date.

Happy 2023 – Some Life Updates :)

Hi all and happy new year! I can’t believe I am writing my first blog for 2023. It is always a new adjustment at the start of the new year and usually a time to reflect on the upcoming year ahead. To be honest, I have not made the time to do that just yet or to set new goals for 2023 but will plan to write my intentions for 2023 in the near future.

It is hard saying goodbye to 2022 because that was one of the best years of my life. The number 22 happens to be my lucky number so I could also be a little bias. Aside from that, I got married at the end of 2022 and it truly was one of the most magical and sentimental days of my life filled with an incredible amount of love and warmth. The day totally exceeded my expectations in terms of anything I could have ever imagined. When people say that their wedding day was the happiest day of their lives, I totally understand this now. ❤

Aside from having a great year, I have to remember that life keeps getting better and that there are many new memories and experiences on the horizon that I have not created just yet. It’s only the beginning…are you ready? I know that I am!

Happy new year everyone and I hope that everyone sets their intentions high not just because it is a new year but because it should be an everyday practice! 😉