Category Archives: Relationships

My Thoughts on Casual Relationships – Can They Work?

People often question what the rules are when it comes to casual relationships and if they are worth pursuing. When I refer to a casual relationship, I am NOT referring to a one night stand but more specifically, a relationship that is not serious with any true commitment attached to it but at the same time, it is an on going relationship. This might include quality time spent and/or intimacy as well. Every situation is different and can vary. I honestly have nothing wrong with casual relationships as sometimes it is the right choice for someone who might not be looking to get married or perhaps for someone who just got out of a relationship and are not really looking to get too emotionally invested within their next relationship. So who am I to judge? It is a personal choice and sometimes more beneficial to be in a casual relationship than a serious one because it tends to be low stress and less maintenance. I do believe it can work but only under a few conditions:

Zero Attachment to the Outcome – Unfortunately, people get caught up in casual relationships with the hope that it can lead to a serious relationship and feelings to develop over time. You cannot go into a casual relationship with any hope for something more than what it currently is. Sometimes the outcome can change over time but the majority of the time, it does not and that is the reason why it is labeled casual to begin with. So if you are going to choose to have a casual relationship, accept it for what it is–it is CASUAL which means you should not hold onto any false hope that it can lead to a deeper connection, love, or anything all too meaningful to the other person.

No Romantic Feelings – It is never wise to go into a casual relationship if you have some sort of feelings towards the other person, especially if they made it clear to you that they do not feel the same way. Reason being that you are emotionally investing in someone with not much of a return other than having their time and company. It goes both ways and if you know the other person has feelings for you, you should not pursue the casual relationship as they will probably be resentful towards you as time goes on and it is not right to mislead someone who likes you more than you like them. It is much better to let a person go completely than to selfishly stay with someone for the sake of it, convenience, and/or to pass time when you know this person wants more than you can give.

100% Mutual Between Two PeopleThe only way it can truly work out is if both people want the same thing which in this case means a relationship that isn’t all too serious. If two people genuinely want that, then it is a win/win situation and can be successful.

The biggest problem with casual relationships is that many people tend to go into them having some expectation that it can lead to more or there are already feelings of attachment. The only way it can work is if two people are okay with not putting too much emphasis on building anything substantial from it. Bottom line: Take casual at face value and enjoy it as an easy going relationship without trying to establish a secure future. If this is not what you are looking for, then do not even bother getting yourself involved and hold out for a relationship that provides more value and meaning. There is no need to settle for anything less than what you truly want. Be crystal clear in what you want from the Universe and be comfortable with saying no to people who are not willing to give you what you want because you are only clearing the path for the right person to come into your life to give you everything (and much more 😉 ).

Why Going Back to An Ex Has A Negative Impact On Your Spiritual Path and Self Development

A friend had asked me a few days ago, “Do you miss any of your exes and wish you could go back to any of them?” Without a hint of hesitation, my response was, “Absolutely, NOT.” Does this make me a cold hearted individual? No, not at all. I look at it like this: The past needs to stay in the past. Life should be progressing forward. In order to spiritually grow and create a brighter future for yourself, the ship needs to sail to a new destination (in this case, a new relationship or happily single to work on yourself also applies here too).

You can still appreciate what the relationship brought to you at that moment and I encourage you to do so. With the good times, there were also life lessons. I never regret any of my previous relationships because that is what the Universe attracted into my life during that time and even though it did not last forever, it still served a purpose. No matter the duration, I never look at it as “wasted time” and no one should ever view it that way. Do you look at your previous jobs as wasted time if you did not stay at one company the entire time? No, of course not because this is what you choose to be a part of your life experience and most people explore multiple job opportunities within their career path.

Relationships shape you as an individual but they also prepare you for someone even better. Yes, you heard me. Your future is going to be far more superior than your past. In order for that scenario to play out, you need to believe that with every ounce of your soul (not just because I said you so) along with taking the ACTION needed to make that happen for yourself. This means completely letting go of your past without leaving any open doors for an ex to creep back in–unfortunately, we all know there are many desperate and needy people out there who try to knock on the door for another chance. This also means having the mental strength to not want to revisit the past either. In other words, it goes both ways. You have to shut the door but you also have to have the burning desire to want to start over with a clean slate. If you are despairingly in search of finding a new partner simply to replace your ex when your mind is still not over the last person you dated, then you clearly have not taken the definitive action that is needed to clear your past.

Whether you broke it off or they did or maybe it was mutual, cut your losses and move on with your life. Trust me, it is for the greater good for everyone because each person can grow from the experience and move onto a new life path. Personally, I find it exciting to know what the future will bring than to ever even consider pursuing a failed relationship. If it did not work out the first time, what is the point in going back? For security? Convenience? Comfort? Lack of belief that there is a better suited match? People tend to go back for the wrong reasons, settle for less than they deserve, and/or stay attached to a false hope that they will reunite with an ex. In certain situations, I think there is room for optimism but the majority of time, it just isn’t worth it. Remember, as I often like to quote from Frank Sinatra’s famous song title, “The best is yet to come.” You just have not experienced it just yet but keep your mind open to the possibilities because the Universe will make it happen (this does not only apply to love, it applies to everything in life!)–Trust the process and you shall receive its greatest gifts! 😉

A Quality Often Overlooked Within a Relationship But Quite An Important One

There are many qualities to look for when in the pursuit of a meaningful relationship and everyone’s personal criteria and love map can vary. This can also change over time in which something you valued in your youth might not even be within your current criteria. Perhaps there was a quality that you thought was a high priority only to find that after experiencing it, you came to the realization it is not something you want anymore. My point is, there are many qualities that exist with some being more important than others just depending on the person you talk to or someone you choose to date. If you were to ask someone what they look for, common answers can include: Trust, intelligence, career driven, generous, wealthy, physically attractive, etc. However, a quality that I do not hear too many people talk about but I find to be quite an important one is examining a person’s emotional stability.

Emotional stability to me can translate into many things and is something you can really pick up most through a person’s behaviors and (re)actions (actions as well but I want to emphasize reactions). I do not think you can really ask someone how emotionally stable they are and expect a direct and honest answer in response. This is why you need to pay close attention to how a person behaves and reacts to really get a good assessment. More specifically, here are some things to consider:

– How does this person handle rejection?
– How does this person react (ex: anger, sadness, indifference, etc.) during a conflict?
– Is this person able to take accountability and apologize when they are wrong?
– How does this person cope with a failed relationship?
– Does this person have trouble letting go of any emotional baggage from their past?
– What happens when something does not go their way?
– How quickly can this person bounce back from a bad situation?
– How does this person react towards a major life crisis along with more trivial matters?
– How does this person treat their friends and family when there is a conflict?
– How are you treated when there is a problem within the relationship?

I can probably make a longer list but these are some questions to think about when you are in the process of getting to know someone new. You might not be able to get all the answers immediately but you should absolutely keep these in the back of your mind from the start and during the course of the relationship. Emotional stability is an important quality to look for because it is a fundamental component needed in building a healthy relationship which often will increase the chance of long term success.

5 Thoughtful Valentine’s Day Gestures That Won’t Break the Bank

With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it is that time of year that people like to express their love and show gratitude towards their partner. Although we know that this should be done on an every day basis as opposed to focusing it only on one day, it is still nice to do something thoughtful for the person to show that you care. Some people like to spend a good amount of money on gifts but sometimes the nicest gifts are not of high monetary value. Here I will share a few thoughtful things you can do to make Valentine’s Day special that does not require overspending.

Make a Card Instead of Buying One – It does not have to be fancy or over the top but I always believe that a hand made card is always more thoughtful than buying one because it is one of a kind and made from the heart. You also do not have to be overly artistic to make one.

Create a Valentine’s Day Playlist – You can create a playlist with love themed songs or choose your partner’s most favorite songs. It can be played on Valentine’s Day but best of all, it can be played at any time.

Invent a “Love Potion #9” Drink – This is actually the name of a movie that came out in the 1990’s but according to mythology, a “love potion” is a drink that one drinks to fall in love. So why not for fun invent your own love potion drink for your partner that you can both enjoy together? It can be a special cocktail of their favorite flavors or maybe a unique fruit punch.

Take Selfies With a Polaroid – Creating and capturing memories are some of the most valuable gifts that you can cherish for years to come. I suggest taking the photos with a polaroid camera as the photos print instantly and then you have copies that you can each keep. If you do not have one, you can still take the photos with your cell phone or a regular digital camera and order prints directly from your phone.

Give a Scrapbook or Memory Box – Take the time to gather some mementos you might have including things such as photos, ticket stubs, business cards and/or brochures of places you went to, souvenirs, etc and put them together in a scrapbook or put them in a box to give to your partner. It is special because it is an accumulation of things that you both shared together and you both can continue to add more mementos over time.

Remember, no matter what you decide to do for Valentine’s Day, as long as you put some thought and add a personal touch to what you do, your Valentine is guaranteed to be very happy! ❤ 🙂

The Hidden Meaning Behind A Person With “Commitment Issues”

As I always like to point out when you are out in the dating world, you have to remember that what someone says is not exactly what they mean. Even if you are bold enough to flat out ask the person where you stand or what their personal situation is, you are still often times going to be left in the dark. Most people communicate in a way that is vague AF and/or simply do not want to lay out their true intentions. The reasons for this could include that the person wants to keep you as a backup option (hate to say it but it can happen), has a busy life where dating is not their top priority, and/or more often than not, the person doesn’t know how to be honest if that involves hurting the the other person’s feelings. I find more women struggle with this than men do.

There might be a time you encounter someone with “commitment issues”–their words of course and not yours. I would say that if the person states commitment issues and follows that with a story in which they have cheated in their past (perhaps on multiple occasions), then that is a justified label and would make sense saying that because I would agree, a pattern of cheating does very well = commitment issues. Another situation a person could have commitment problems is if they have practically a zero dating record. As in, this person has never had a serious relationship or the relationships were all or mostly casual. That is definitely a commitment issue as well.

If the person does not provide a rational explanation behind their commitment issues, I would first and foremost suggest that you keep things moving or just keep the person as a friend rather than a potential romantic love interest because no matter what the true reason is, a commitment issue is NEVER a positive thing and definitely not a sign that you should stick around. If you are just looking for some added clarity, then you just need to read between the lines and dig deep as to what the real underlying issue is. I can easily list a few although it can be something else that is personal to that person or even a combination of the reasons listed below.

Emotional Attachment to Someone Else – There is a very high chance that if a person cannot commit to you, this is due to the fact that they are not over an ex or they already are currently emotionally invested into someone else in their present life.

Stuck in the Past/Fear of Getting Hurt – If the person was left deeply hurt by someone else, then this person might think that every person they meet has the potential to do the same thing so rather than move forward into the future and start fresh, this person is constantly living within their past and unfortunately just stays there.

Wants to Date Around and Not Settle on One Person – Not everyone is at the same stage in life where they want to settle down to one person and start a family. It can take longer for some people and some people want to casually date around before getting too serious with one person only.

Extremely Selective – Chances are, if a person is very selective, their dating history is very limited or non existent because they never find people they want to fully commit to. So the underlying problem is not that they cannot commit, they probably could if they were not so picky when choosing a mate.

Came From a Broken Home and/or Divorced Parents – This is extremely common where you will meet someone who grew up in a single parent household (so they did not see the love between their two parents) or witnessed their parents fighting which lead to a divorce and as a result left a painful imprint on the person’s heart and soul. It could also impact a person in a way where they do not want to commit to anyone because they have never seen what a healthy and happy relationship could look like.

Just Not Into You on a Romantic Level – Most people do not know how to flat out tell someone they are not interested so rather than coming forward with the truth, they will throw any excuse from the book to make it seem like it is not you and it is a problem on their end such as their “commitment issues” and etc. Trust me, when a person is into you, they are not going to shy away from the opportunity to commit to you and will not give you a bogus excuse to prevent the start of a committed relationship with you–bottom line.

I Do Not Believe in Manifesting an Exact Person Into Your Life But You Can Do These Two Things Instead

I never want to tell someone that they cannot do something because truly anything is possible with the right mindset and the Laws of Attraction put into play. However, when it comes to manifesting the right partner or more precisely a specific person, I do not want to say it is impossible but I just do not feel it is realistic or the best approach because you cannot always make someone fall in love with you–especially if they are not in the right place to pursue a relationship or flat out already decided you are not the one for them. It is for this reason why I find it to be wasted spiritual energy to put all your eggs in one basket and keep only one person in your mind whom you want to manifest. It just is not the right way to think because you are limiting yourself by narrowing the scope of your vision to only one person when there could actually be other potential mates who would be an even better mutual match. More consequently, you are putting yourself in a scarcity mindset (Translation: This is the one and only person for me). Remember, we live in a world of abundance. How is it possible that this person is the only person you want to manifest in order to make your life feel complete? I highly doubt that (no offense). So what now? What are other action steps can you take to at the very least manifest the right partner into your life?

Work on Yourself So You Have the Most You Can Offer to the Partner of Your Dreams – People never want to hear this but this actually is the root of the problem. While there are many people who set the bar low (“I will take whoever I can get” mindset) and wonder why they are always unhappy within their personal relationships, there is also a different category of people who think the opposite. In contrast, they hold very high expectations as to who they want to be with but at the end of the day, they do not have much to offer to the other partner. [Think about it, why would a person of high value settle for someone who does not also work on being the very best version of self? Not only is it unrealistic, you just do not see that happen all too often]. In order to really attract the person you want to be with, the reality is, you also need to put in the work and step up your game so that you equally can be the full package not only for yourself first and foremost but to attract someone of the same level. When you focus more on yourself rather than staying in a state of desperation always in need of finding someone, you will be amazed at the results. You will naturally just be more attractive to others without even asking or trying anymore. People will want to date you and you will find that there are actually too many options as opposed to feeling there are never enough.

Be Specific on the Qualities You Are Looking For – If you already have an exact person whom you want to attract, what is it about them that you like? It is better to focus more on these qualities instead of the person you have in mind because chances are, you will eventually find a person who possesses some (maybe even all) of the same qualities even though it was not the original person you had envisioned. If you want to take this step seriously, take a moment to write a list of the qualities that are most important to you in a partner. Realistically, you might not find someone who has every single quality within your personal checklist but it is a good guideline to follow and use as reference when you are dating because you are more focused on what you are looking for. I definitely recommend being very specific on the criteria but do not focus only on a single person. Although it can happen and you can capture the heart of someone you know whom you really like, keep the spiritual door open to the idea that you can find someone like this person instead or perhaps you might find someone completely new in its entirety. Remember, the Universe is an abundant place and anything is possible so keep that mind open to the possibilities!

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

The 5 Love Languages – What They Are and My Overall Thoughts

The concept of the 5 Love Languages has been around for quite some time and I just had to Google it now for the exact year (if you do not feel like clicking on the link, the answer is 1992). I actually never took the time to examine the love languages until more recent years as people have asked me how I felt about them and if I knew what my love language was.

My initial thought when I read what they were was, well aren’t they all important in a meaningful relationship? I mean seriously, they all sound valuable and key components of any strong relationship. However, as I really thought about it more thoroughly, I realized that actually, the love languages can definitely vary from person-to-person with someone prioritizing one love language way over another along with someone else not really caring about a love language in its entirety. Even looking upon my prior dating experiences, I do recall breaking up with someone who I knew greatly cared about me with the reason being, “I just don’t feel the love in which I need it.” I never said, “I’m breaking up because our love languages are not the same.” I did not even know much about the love languages at this time; however, when thinking about it, that was very much the truth and bottom line for the break up: Our love languages did not match.

It is for this reason, I think it is wise to examine the different love languages for both a better understanding of yourself along with better equipping yourself for the dating world when you are in a relationship. I believe taking the time to understand your partner’s love languages can go a long way in terms of the overall success of the relationship. So what are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation – This love language involves expressing love through words such as compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal support. A person who values this love language will enjoy a hand written card and appreciate a well thought out text message.

Quality Time – A person who loves quality time is someone who cherishes creating memories with their partner and having actual time spent with each other. This can also include quality time spent talking on the phone, doing activities, and having meaningful conversations.

Acts of Service – The expression, “Actions speak louder than words” best applies to someone who chooses acts of service as their love language. They like when a person does something nice for them to show that they care.

Gifts – This love language is about the act of gift giving with more of an emphasis of the meaning and thoughtfulness of the gift more than the monetary value. A person who prizes this likes to receive gifts as it serves as a more visual representation of love.

Physical Touch – People who enjoy physical touch as their love language like physical signs of affection such as cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc. This can include sex as well. The specific type of physical affection most valued can vary but a person with this love language feels most loved when physical touch is involved.

All in all, I think the theory behind the love languages holds some validity in terms of how couples can express love towards one another; however, I do believe there are many more variables within a relationship to determine its overall longevity and success. For example, you might have two people who share the same exact love languages but if they are not compatible to begin with, it probably will not last over time. I believe sharing the same love languages can be extremely beneficial but that there are many other components within the relationship to further examine.

The Power of Walking Away in a Relationship and Why It Is Often Necessary

I notice many people face situations where they are in what appears to be a one-sided relationship or perhaps a relationship that is on the brink of falling apart. Rather than walking away or giving the other person space, they chase even more which tends to drive the other person even further away. When you feel like you are losing someone, it can be a natural inclination for you to go after the other person and find ways to make it up to them. In certain situations, that might be effective but the majority of the time, there is a better solution: Walk away.

If the other person flat out tells you that they want space, that they are not interested, find ways to ghost you, send messages of uncertainty, or are already dating someone else, I think it goes without saying that you are wasting your time. I recognize that for many, when your ego is on the line and you are already emotionally too invested, this is the last thing you want to hear. You want to believe that there is still hope, that things can change for better if you are patient enough, and with a positive mindset that you have the capacity to win the other person over so that you can live happily ever after. This is where I want you to take a step back, think with a rational mind, and really dig deep to answer some important questions.

Why do you want to invest your energy in someone who has made it clear that they do not feel the same way about you?

Do you truly feel good chasing someone who does not value you in the same way you value them?

Why are you willing to settle for less than you deserve in a relationship?

The underlying issue is not the other person but more so about how you feel about yourself. A person of high self worth is NOT going to wait around for someone who is not investing in them in return. They do not need to be told twice to back off and already kept it moving a long time ago. They also know when to walk away and not come back.

Your initial thought might be, if I walk away, will the person ever come back to me? You should never have to ask this question as you should choose someone who will also choose you in return. If you do have to ask this question, then chances are you already know the answer. The other person most likely will not come back to you if they have moved on or simply are not interested. If this ends up being the case, you need to accept that as the outcome because that is the reality. There is no need to dwell on why or what can be done to change this. Instead, invest your energy in other areas of your life that will provide you a greater return and positively increase your emotional well being.

On the other hand, keep in mind that walking away can also allow for the other person to come back. It gives the other person space and time to reflect on what they want while also providing absence for them to miss you. They might also respect and value you more over time because you are showing that you are not in need of them while also respecting their boundaries. While it can be very difficult to remove someone whom you care about when all you want to do is hear from them and gain their validation, you need to trust the process that if you let them go, let them be the one to come back to you if that is what they truly want as opposed to forcing them to choose you. It is healthy and can be better in the long run in strengthening a relationship by giving each other time apart before ultimately getting back together later in time. However, you might also want to take into consideration, do you really want to be with someone who needs time apart to be away from you in order to be attracted to you and/or want to be with you again in the future? That is something only you could be the one to answer.

Why It Is Essential to Build a Strong Social Circle and 5 Qualities to Look For in People When Creating One

As we experience life, we come across many people we have the opportunity to get to know and we ultimately are in control of whether or not we want them to be a part of our social circle. By social circle, I am referring to friends although it can easily apply to acquaintances as well such as a co worker or someone you met through mutual friends. I have very close knit friends whom I talk to on a regular basis but I also have many acquaintances that I might only connect with a handful of times in a year or over the years but they are people I value as a part of my social circle. It is essential to build a high quality social circle because they do not only serve as people you enjoy spending your free time with but also as a support system if you ever needed advice or insight on a specific area of your life. I also very much believe in the Laws of Attraction which is why it is especially crucial to choose the right people to be a part of your life because it affects the energy you manifest along with how your destiny is going to unfold.

What qualities are important to look for? What specific qualities are most important to you? This list can vary from person-to-person but here are a few key attributes to look for.

Happy for Your Happiness and Success – I find this to be the most important thing to really look for because you want to surround yourself with people who support you and will be your biggest cheerleader when you achieve an accomplishment, reach an important milestone, or experience something extraordinary without a hint of jealousy or negativity.

There For You During Both Good Times and Bad Times – Life is never going to be perfect and it is inevitable that there will be some bumps along the way which is normal and to be expected. The question is, is this person going to be there for you during those bad times? If you need some support, it is important to choose people who are reliable and going to actually be there for you when needed, not just when things are sunshine and rainbows.

Accepts You for Who You Are Without Any Harsh Judgments – It is very easy to judge someone on the surface for something they said or did but rather than judging, one should really take the time to understand the person which in this case is you. You ultimately want people to accept your flaws and perceived mistakes in life rather than looking down upon you or as a lesser person. They take the good with the bad and appreciate you for you.

Adds Value to Your Life (Not Convenience) and Vice Versa – This can be interpreted in many ways but when looking for people who add value to your life, I am not referring to convenience as there is a difference between the two. By value, I am referring to someone you might look up to as a person to emulate, someone you deeply respect, or perhaps someone you think is all-around awesome. In return, you also provide a high level of value and they are not just keeping you around because you add convenience to them in some way.

Takes the Time to Invest in You – Most people you come across will not really care about you (it might sound like a harsh reality–but let’s just be real here). They will be too caught up within their own lives, might have too much going on both professionally and personally, or just do not take the time to get to know you all too well. That is why you need to have a heightened sense of awareness of who is really investing in you while also being super selective in who you allow to get close to you on a connected spiritual level. It goes both ways in which they can make the choice to invest in you but you actually make the final call in terms of the depth of their investment.