Category Archives: Trust

3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Dating People With a Lingering Past at All Costs

Everyone has a past but the way in which we resolve our past and move forward with our future varies from person to person. By “lingering past,” I do not mean someone who has children from a previous relationship or someone that is divorced. It is possible for people to be divorced and have moved on. In addition, it is also possible for two people to be over their relationship and to be able to co-parent successfully. I am referring to people who have a past where the door is still open, communication is most likely still frequent, and/or there are unresolved feelings for someone else. It also can refer to people who might not be in constant contact with an ex but they truly are not over the breakup and if their ex were to contact them, they are ready to pick up from where they left off. These are all examples where the message is clear that the person is unable to live life in the present and are still stuck living in their past. This is a major red flag and should be avoided at all costs. Let me repeat myself, please avoid dating people with a lingering past at all costs! You might be wondering why I am so adamant about this and I can explain why.

They Probably Have Someone Else in the Back of Their Mind – Even if the person expresses that they are into you and like you very much, that does not mean much if they also feel this way towards someone else from their past. You deserve to be someone’s top priority when you are in an exclusive relationship and if you discover that you are not, then it is time for you to move on altogether. It is also selfish for the other person to be sharing their heart with more than one person which should be a good enough reason for you to want to move on.

Always the Chance That They Leave You For the Other Person – Anyone who is dating someone with an unresolved past is taking a huge emotional gamble. I say this because even though you really care for the person and they appear to feel the same towards you, it is very easy for them to leave you for an ex if they are still interested in them. It is a harsh reality but one that cannot be ignored because oftentimes this happens and the person who ends up being left with a broken heart is you if you allow yourself to get close to someone who never was fully over their ex to begin with.

Lack of Trust From the Start – It goes without saying that trust is a fundamental necessity in any healthy relationship. Personally, I think that it is tough to trust someone who has a lingering past because you never truly know what is on their mind in terms of their genuine feelings towards you plus you always have to worry in the back of your mind if they are talking to an ex in secrecy or trying to reconnect with them–whether it be emotional and/or physical (such as meeting in person). It is for this reason why this is a no go because if your instincts are telling you that there is a lack of certainty within the relationship due to their past, there is a good chance that your instincts are valid. This also leads to the underlying issue that trust is not there meaning that it is not worth making an emotional investment. As I mentioned above, these types of relationships should not begin in the first place and if you find out or get any sense that their past is not left in their past, it calls for instant termination of the relationship because ultimately there really is no “relationship.”

Why You Can’t Always Trust “Fitness” Influencers – Along with A Much Healthier Approach to Fitness

Nowadays thanks to social media, there is so much information about health and fitness. People post everything ranging from their workouts to what they eat each day. Just about anyone and everyone can post including normal people who are fitness enthusiasts, actual professionals who work as trainers or within the fitness industry, or people who call themselves fitness influencers who might have a massive following but do not have a professional background. You might also notice that fitness influencers try to sell fitness programs that are marketed to help you train to look just like them or try to obtain a certain physique. While I also like to turn to places like Instagram to learn new fitness moves or as fitness inspiration to help me vary my workouts, that is the extent that I rely on social media for this information because I know that there are many people out there who might make fitness claims that are not valid. For example, it often is a taboo subject to talk about plastic surgery or any type of body procedures; however, there are some people that have had work done but say that they look that way thanks to their workouts and programs. This is false advertising! That is why I don’t think you can take everything that you see on social media all too seriously. Also keep in mind that everyone’s genetics are designed differently so a specific diet and fitness routine that works on one person might not necessarily work as effectively on someone else.

I believe the healthiest approach to fitness is to first set realistic expectations and fitness goals that apply to you personally. From there, you can create a game plan to determine how you will reach these goals and then develop the right habits that you can adapt on a daily basis that will help you achieve the results that you are looking for. Consistency is the key and as long as you are consistent with your efforts, you will notice that you will make progress over time. It is natural that there will be off days but never let that bring you down and know that you can always pick right back up from where you started or where you were previously. It is much healthier to focus on your own fitness journey than to compare yourself to others because the majority of the time, the people who might have a major social media following are not always the most knowledgeable and/or might be taking extreme measures to appear “healthy” when they actually are not. It is important to find what works for you and to apply it in your everyday life so it becomes a lifestyle as opposed to feeling like a chore which is why that it is also beneficial to find physical activities that you love paired with a healthy diet that you find enjoyable.

Can Opposite Gender Friends Be a Threat on a Relationship?

I notice that people tend to have very opposing views when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. There are some people who do not think it is possible to have opposite gender friends without romantic feelings developing at some point from either party (or both) while others believe it is totally possible to form a platonic friendship without it leading to anything more. My immediate answer to this is that everything is situational. Of course there are instances where friends can become more than friends but there are also plenty of instances where these friendships are mutually platonic. The real question should be, when do they become a threat on a relationship?

Frequency of Contact – If someone is talking to a friend of the opposite sex quite often, like everyday and multiple times throughout the day, I would say this friend can easily be seen as a threat on any relationship. The reason being that this person is getting a ton of emotional support and attention from their friend which I think over time can allow for two people to develop a closer connection and for romantic feelings to start at any given point. Even if both parties initially had no attraction towards one another, this attraction can still build over time due to how often they stay connected on a daily basis.

Quality Time Spent – When two people spend quality time together, I think it is inevitable that two people can start to like each other. On the other hand, sometimes two people genuinely have the same interests and have the same hobbies so they might just get together to share these commonalities. If you’re in a relationship and you notice that your partner is meeting up with a friend privately (as in you are never invited) for long periods of time or often enough for you to notice, it is worth having a conversation to determine if this friend is really just a friend or if more is going on behind closed doors. If you make the assessment that the other person is more than a friend and your partner is more concerned with keeping them as a close friend, it is to your best interest to break it off before their relationship escalates to a point where you are going to be left heartbroken in the long run anyhow.

Type of Conversations – I am not sure the best way to word this but basically pay attention to what their conversations consist of. Do these two people work together and strictly talk about work? Or is there underlying flirting and deep conversations transpiring between the two? If you see one or both people are relying heavily on each other for emotional support as opposed to just talking about surface level stuff, then you have every right to question it and see it as a red flag. Again, the best way to get to bottom of it is to openly ask your partner. If you still feel uneasy about the situation then use your intuition as a guide to make a firm decision as to whether or not this relationship is worth continuing. Chances are that your intuition is spot on and that you should move on to find a partner who wants to give you their full attention and make you a top priority over these so-called “friends.”

5 Signs You’re Not With the Right Partner

When looking for a life partner, there may come times when you question whether or not you should stay in your current relationship. Although I can probably think of a more extensive list as to signs to look for when determining if it’s time to end a relationship, I came up with my top five list. The list below should help you to decide if the relationship is worth pursuing or whether or not it is meant to last over time.

There Are Way Too Many Things to Fix – If you find that you’re with someone who you want to change many things about them, this person simply is not the one. Of course the person you are with will not possess everything you are looking for; however, if the person is missing many things that you’re looking for in a life partner then you should consider moving on because ideally you want to be with someone who you can accept the person for who they are including both their good and bad traits. For example, if you can’t stand their eating habits or how they manage their money, rather than trying to change them, find a person who is more aligned with how you choose to live your life. Why settle on a “fixer upper relationship” where you constantly have to change the person and shape them into your dream partner? It just isn’t worth it! I have a better idea: Why don’t you break it off for good and keep the door open for your dream partner to come into your life?

Your Partner Is Not Over Their Ex – For me personally, this is a huge deal breaker. Think about it, why waste your time dating someone who can’t stop talking about their past and is not completely over their ex? You should want to build a future with someone who is fully in the present with you and doesn’t have a lingering past that they are still currently living in. If you notice that the person you are with does not seem to have healed from their last relationship, rather than continuing to date in hopes that they will get over their ex over time, it probably is best to not invest any of your time with this person until you know that they are ready to move forward.

Lack of Trust – I think it goes without saying that you should not be with someone who you do not trust or has betrayed your trust at some point during the course of your relationship. Although you might be able to forgive and forget, it is often tough to totally trust the person again depending on the depth of deception. I also want to point out, if the person has trust issues against you with no real justification for it, this is another indication that it is not worth it to stay because you will constantly have to walk on eggshells to prove that you can be trusted which can get really exhausting over time if you’re being challenged on a daily basis.

Other Options In the Back of Your Mind – If the thought of someone else ever comes to your mind or if you would be open to giving your number to a stranger if they asked, you definitely are not with the right person. When you are with the person you truly care about, you wouldn’t look at anyone else in a romantic way. You also would not even consider giving your personal information to someone else because you are happily taken and only have love for the person you are with. If you find that you are open to the idea of spending time with another person who isn’t your partner, that should be a strong indicator that you need to break it off altogether as opposed to settling on someone who isn’t your most desired match.

You Just Don’t See a Future With This Person – Sometimes it can take time to see if your partner’s life and yours can merge into a future together. If you’re at a point where you just don’t see your life paths going in the same direction, then despite how strongly you might feel for this person, it might be better to end the relationship. For example, if your partner only plans to live in a city and you can’t see yourself making this life change, then there is no future unless one can make a compromise. In addition, if you don’t envision yourself being with this person in the next few years, you need to question the reason you feel this way and this feeling might give you the clarity that’s needed to find a better suited life partner that you can actually see a future with.

Why Honesty Is Always the Best Policy – Even When the Truth Hurts Sometimes

As the common saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.” While not everyone might believe this to be the case, I think it is important to consider the benefits of being honest. To me, I look at honesty as a way of displaying authenticity as an individual while also being transparent. Transparency is an incredibly important trait because it is valuable knowing that what you see in someone is truly how they are. However, you will tend to notice that many people are not always true to themselves or that they lack the ability to be honest with others. Even though we understand that being honest is a positive characteristic, why do people often struggle with this?

I think what prevents most people from being transparent with their interactions with others or from being completely honest is that they fear that they can hurt people’s feelings within the process or that people will dislike them for it. What people need to understand is that you are actually HURTING people when you are dishonest as opposed to being honest. Perhaps initially, someone might not react favorably when the honest truth is negative; however, you are helping someone by providing the truth, even if the truth can hurt sometimes. In addition, you are gaining someone’s trust and respect when you opt to be honest. Trust me, I never like to hurt people’s feelings either but I recognize that it is a huge injustice to someone if I were to sugarcoat the truth or lie to someone as a way to protect their feelings. It is important to always look at the bigger picture and know that being honest builds trust and that the truth is of higher value in the long run despite any immediate tension or discomfort that it could cause from within yourself or onto someone else. Given the choice, remember to choose honesty because it truly always is the best policy.

“Your Direction Is More Important Than Your Speed”

I actually came across this quote on an Instagram caption and liked it enough to google it first to see that it is an actual quote. The quote is, “Your direction is more important than your speed.” I could not agree more with this. I feel like we live in a world where everything is about instant gratification and everyone is in a rush to get what they want right now. What people do not understand is, many amazing things take time and the process should NOT be rushed. What is the point in moving fast when you’re not going in the right direction?

There needs to be a greater focus on DIRECTION. As we all know, life can go in many directions. Where do you want to go? Is your life going in that direction? From there, if you are following that path, you need to trust that you will get to the end result or achieve that goal. Once I commit to the direction that I am going, there is no need to be asking “when” because I know that I am on my right path and understand that everything that I desire to manifest most will happen…when it is supposed to. People often stress over time and not having what they want at the time that they want; however, that has the opposite effect on your outcome. Why? Stress and lack of trust are both negative energies to put out into the Universe. Positive energy requires CERTAINTY (again trust) on your end along with PATIENCE (not worrying on the speed in which it happens).

I recognize that certain things in life require deadlines and that can be expected. However, also keep in mind that not everything has to have a deadline. As I said before, many of the greatest things in life do indeed take time. The process in getting there is even more enjoyable when you take the time to actually appreciate it as opposed to rushing to the finish line.

5 Ways to Improve Your Manifestation Skills

I would have to say that the practice of manifestation is a life skill and having the ability to manifest the things that you desire most is not something you are necessarily taught in school which is why it is essential you teach yourself how to master manifestation. The good news is that anyone can develop the mindset to attract abundance and create everything you want in your lifetime. I want to make it clear that manifestation is NOT an instant gratification process. If you understand this simple principle then you are on the right path and will never be left feeling defeated or disappointed but instead, more motivated, invigorated, and determined. When one begins to lose hope, that is when the process tends to deteriorate. Weak minds are not meant to manifest great things as it takes a strong and positive mindset to do the internal work. So where do we begin?

Be Extremely Specific As to What You Want – People make very general statements as to what they want such as, “I want a big house, nice car, and lots of money.” These are all requests that are way too general. What exactly does a “big house” mean to you specifically? Such as: how many square feet, location, type of house, amount of land, interior style, etc. It is important to think on a more concrete level and to determine the exact details. Even if some of your requests seem very far fetched and out of reach right now, WHO CARES!?! Ask for it anyhow! As they say, “go big or go home” and shouldn’t we all opt to go BIG when it comes to our own life? Of course it is smart to be realistic but that does not mean that you need to limit yourself as to what you can get only right now–think about what you can obtain in your future.

Create Visuals – Although for some, this might be an optional step as you can visualize the outcome in your mind, I do think having a tangible visual (ex: vision board, visuals in a journal, etc.) is helpful because looking at a visual on a daily basis will allow for the visual to stay in the back of your subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is very powerful in that it will not really accept anything that does not match up with what you are trying to manifest. You can print visuals from the internet, find images in magazines, and if you’re artistic and fully capable of making them yourself–then go for it (again, why not? as it is about whatever method works best for you).

* If you do not have actual images of what you are looking to manifest, I consider writing down concrete statements on an index card to be just as effective. It is still tangible where you can read it everyday so this works on its own OR in combination with the visuals.

Believe It Is 100% Possible – It is 100% critical to develop the belief that the outcome is 100% possible. I don’t care if the people around you think it’s impossible or if currently there are factors to hinder you from what you want right now because NOTHING SHOULD STOP YOU! You control your mind which gives you the power to control your destiny! Don’t give people that power and don’t let there be any room for doubt to create a mental road block of preventing you from achieving what is most certainly POSSIBLE and getting in the way of your full POTENTIAL.

Take Action – One can’t just ask for anything from the Universe and then sit back and do absolutely nothing about it. Manifestation is NOT about wanting something and then expecting it to fall onto your lap. That is what I call, “Pie in the sky.” I think that is what deters many people from this whole idea of having the ability to manifest because they have this false belief that it is like a genie in a bottle where you ask for a wish and it just happens. That is why I want to clarify that this is not how it works because asking without doing is going to leave you with a whole lot of nothing but false hope and unfilled desires. Once you make it crystal clear your intent and what you want, you need to actually put in the work to make it happen. It might take an incredible amount of small actions to get to the end goal but any action is better than no action.

Trust the Process – You are where you are meant to be at this present moment in your life. Everyday you are getting a step closer to turning your dreams into realities. Rather than asking, “Am I there yet?” or “Is this ever going to happen?” which insinuate a lack of trust and uncertainty, you need to TRUST THE PROCESS and believe that, “Yes, it is happening” and “I am doing whatever it takes to get what I want” because again, action is required to propel the results. Learn to enjoy the journey rather than question the process because everything you want is in the works! 😉

Trust Issues – Understanding Where They Come From and Can They Be Fixed?

When it comes to trust, you will find there are people who trust very easily or those who do not in which they can easily be classified as people with “trust issues.” A person who is labeled this way typically possesses a deep fear of betrayal, abandonment, manipulation, or perhaps may even have trouble developing an emotional attachment because of their trust issues. When you are faced with someone with trust issues, chances are the person will bring them up or find a way of accusing you of things on a regular basis (or enough for you to notice it) even when you have not done anything to give them a reason that you cannot be trusted. That might make you wonder, “What am I doing to cause this?” when usually it is not personal to you and it is an internal issue on behalf of the other person.

There are various reasons to explain why someone will develop this whereas someone else will not. The explanation can be very complicated but usually stems from these causes:

Negative Experience From Their Past – Usually if someone was badly burned from a previous relationship (ex: lying, cheating, etc.), then the person will always have in the back of their mind that it can happen again even if they are with a totally different person.

Bad Childhood – No one’s childhood is perfect but if there were abandonment issues or perhaps distrust from one’s own family, this can heavily impact someone to develop trust issues at a very young age.

Insecurity – Insecurity is a separate issue in and of itself but can very much correlate with having a lack of trust. Someone who constantly feels insecure within themselves will always feel as though their partner can easily leave them for someone else or just be extra paranoid someone is going to betray them in some way due to not feeling they are not worthy enough of being treated well.

Poor Character (Cannot Be Trusted) – People who have the biggest trust issues are often times people who cannot be trusted themselves. In other words, if they believe someone will cheat on them, it could be because they have cheated before and/or continue to do it so they assume others behave the way they do.

Do trust issues ever go away? Can they be fixed? I think that for some, with the right amount of time and conscious effort to fix them, they can be fixed but it probably will not be an overnight process. For most, I do not see it as something that will go away in its entirety but again, if there is a focus to work on the issue, then it can definitely go away. It might also be wise to consider seeking a professional therapist who can assist in figuring out ways to cope and how to let go of the past. Remember, it is never too late to make a positive change in your life as long as you want it and are willing to work towards it!