Category Archives: Trust

My Thoughts on Privacy and Trust Within Relationships

Leave a reply

When it comes to trust, I have always preached that I believe that trust is a choice. In other words, you have control of who to trust as opposed to just equally choosing to trust or not trust someone. At the same time, you also have the choice in which you want to keep your own privacy. It is your right to keep something private if that is what feels most comfortable to you.

Within any relationship, the goal is to form a bond where two people feel they can trust each other while also respecting each other’s privacy when asked for it. It is a form of manipulation if someone guilt trips you into telling them something or doing something out of your comfort zone by saying that you should automatically trust them. It can take some time for someone to be able to trust so it is important to respect that and to have patience. No one should take this too personally because trust is something to be earned. It is okay to inquire about the other person’s reasoning if you are concerned about there being a lack of trust but the best thing to do is to be both receptive accepting of their response as opposed to being reactive, upset, angry, and/or disappointed. A negative response can result in resentment along with more reason to be distrustful.

Also keep in mind that if you are in a situation where you feel the need to overstep boundaries and betray the person’s trust such as going into the other person’s email, text messages, social media, etc. then that means you have very little trust in this person and it might be a good time to reconsider keeping this person in your life. On the other hand, maybe this is a time to dig deep from within to see what would provoke you to do this. Did someone betray your trust in the past? Do you have a problem building trust in general? If it stems from an insecurity or paranoia on your part where the other person did not do anything wrong or signal that something was wrong, then this is something that you might need to work on. I think going behind someone’s back to look through their stuff is a betrayal of trust and it can be expected that any trust that was in place could be at risk of totally being broken and could also create a wall between you and this person. It is understandable to be curious or to question a person’s intentions from time to time but it is much better to approach a person with your trust concerns than going ahead and investigating on your own and betraying someone’s trust in order to provide you security or to confirm any suspicions you might have. Remember that with trust, it is both give and take. In order to receive trust, you must be able to give the other person your trust in return while also taking the right actions to prove that you are a trustworthy individual to begin with.

Is It Worth Emotionally Investing In Someone Who Has Trust Issues?

Leave a reply

Sometimes you will encounter someone who flat out expresses that they have trust issues or you will notice that the person is very guarded where it is hard to really connect with them. It is important to keep in mind that some people will use this as an excuse or a way to further deter developing a connection from moving forward with you rather than expressing there is a lack of interest. If a person legitimately has trust issues, the important thing to do first is to examine the cause of this–if possible. Topics can include discussing the person’s childhood or if they have previously been in relationships where there was a lack of trust and/or they were betrayed. This will not only give you a better understanding but also give you more clarity in regards to whether or not you can further develop a serious relationship with this person over time.

Another thing to consider is that if someone has a lot of trust issues, this could be a sign that they cannot be trusted either. For example, if you meet someone who constantly is accusing you of cheating when there is no rational reason behind it, it could be because this person has a history of this (or on the other hand, as I mentioned previously, that they have experienced being cheated on and now are extra paranoid it could happen again). If this is the case where their trust issues stem from the fact that they are guilty of doing things that are distrustful, then it is clear that this is not the type of person you should emotionally invest in.

Some people are also naturally more guarded than others where they just do not trust people immediately and need to take extra time in getting to know someone in order to feel close and to build trust. In these types of scenarios, this is okay and just requires extra patience on your part. If you feel that there is both a genuine and mutual connection between the two of you–where progress is being made as you continue to spend more quality time together, then it is worth sticking around to see where things go and to continue to emotional invest. It is important to sense that there is movement in a relationship where it is going places as opposed to staying stagnant. If you feel that the other person still has their guard up and it has been challenging for them to open up with you, it might be best to move on and pursue a healthy relationship where you can both build trust together.

Dating Advice for Men – Build Intimacy and Invest Emotionally at the Same Time

Leave a reply

Last week, I wrote an article for women with some dating advice and decided to follow up this week with a dating advice blog for men. While certain advice applies to both genders, there is certain advice that is gender specific. I wrote previously about how women are motivated by relationships that lead to marriage; however, with men–it is safe to say that most men are motivated to connect with women on a physical level. There is nothing wrong with that but what creates a divide is when men rush that phase of the process and/or fail to focus on the emotional connection as well. Most women do not want to be objectified by men or feel as though that men are only looking to hook up with them. Many men make the mistake of coming on too strong physically whether that is with their actions or their words. This can easily turn off a woman in its entirety or she will just come to the conclusion that the guy is not a serious guy along with labeling him as a waste of her time and moving on to a better catch.

This leads to a very important question: How do men avoid this from happening and become the ultimate catch in the eyes of the woman of their interest? First and foremost, as I want to point out from the start, it is essential to actually BE A CATCH! From there, men can work on certain skills to improve their dating lives because as we all know–good looks, success, money, assets, etc. are never enough if a man does not know how to treat a woman. Men need to learn to also be patient with the process like women but for different reasons. They need to build intimacy slowly (in other words, do not rush the pace of their physical relationship) AND invest emotionally at the same time. It is possible to create genuine intimacy through physical touch such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc. WITHOUT sex being involved. I truly believe that intimacy is the key to creating natural attraction and developing an attachment between two people which ultimately can lead to both a long term relationship and an incredibly satisfying physical one as well over time when it is supposed to. While I tell women not to rush into serious relationships, the same goes for men to stop rushing into a physical relationship with a woman without taking the proper time that is needed to actually get to know her and to bond with her by establishing a deep emotional connection first.

If you authentically like a woman and are pursuing her for the right reasons, it is important to SHOW her this by being consistent in your efforts when emotionally investing in her while building intimacy without pushing the envelope when it comes to having a physical relationship with her right away. This also creates trust and will make her feel more comfortable with you when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. Even if she is open to exploring a physical relationship with you after a short time of knowing you, I still recommend denying her of sex to make it clear that you are not interested in her for a casual relationship and that you want to continue to better get to know each other first. In return, this will also earn more of her RESPECT towards you and most likely make her feel even more attracted to you (yes, it is amazing how reverse psychology often works as it does here). As always, remember to TRUST THE PROCESS because anything worth your while will take time so you might as well enjoy it while continuing to stay confident in your abilities to manifest your desires!

Abundance Is A Mindset

Leave a reply

I am actually typing from my cell phone right now because I am away on vacation but I came across this at a boutique and wanted to share this simple yet powerful message: “Abundance is a mindset.”

I couldn’t agree more with this statement! When I reflect upon my own life and feel a heightened sense of gratitude in regards to everything I have manifested and have attracted at this stage of my life, it is apparent that I have a positive outlook along with a deep spiritual connection with the Universe.

I often preach about having an abundance mindset within my blog because I truly believe we live in a world with unlimited resources and opportunities. In order to receive, it is essential that you trust the process and believe that everything you desire is on the way and that it is attainable. If you have doubts or don’t think that your desires are actual possibilities, then you will never manifest your very best life. Trust me, if you keep your mind abundant, everything does fall into place at the right time in your life so don’t ever let negativity get in the way of that.

3 Reasons Why You Should Avoid Dating People With a Lingering Past at All Costs

Leave a reply

Everyone has a past but the way in which we resolve our past and move forward with our future varies from person to person. By “lingering past,” I do not mean someone who has children from a previous relationship or someone that is divorced. It is possible for people to be divorced and have moved on. In addition, it is also possible for two people to be over their relationship and to be able to co-parent successfully. I am referring to people who have a past where the door is still open, communication is most likely still frequent, and/or there are unresolved feelings for someone else. It also can refer to people who might not be in constant contact with an ex but they truly are not over the breakup and if their ex were to contact them, they are ready to pick up from where they left off. These are all examples where the message is clear that the person is unable to live life in the present and are still stuck living in their past. This is a major red flag and should be avoided at all costs. Let me repeat myself, please avoid dating people with a lingering past at all costs! You might be wondering why I am so adamant about this and I can explain why.

They Probably Have Someone Else in the Back of Their Mind – Even if the person expresses that they are into you and like you very much, that does not mean much if they also feel this way towards someone else from their past. You deserve to be someone’s top priority when you are in an exclusive relationship and if you discover that you are not, then it is time for you to move on altogether. It is also selfish for the other person to be sharing their heart with more than one person which should be a good enough reason for you to want to move on.

Always the Chance That They Leave You For the Other Person – Anyone who is dating someone with an unresolved past is taking a huge emotional gamble. I say this because even though you really care for the person and they appear to feel the same towards you, it is very easy for them to leave you for an ex if they are still interested in them. It is a harsh reality but one that cannot be ignored because oftentimes this happens and the person who ends up being left with a broken heart is you if you allow yourself to get close to someone who never was fully over their ex to begin with.

Lack of Trust From the Start – It goes without saying that trust is a fundamental necessity in any healthy relationship. Personally, I think that it is tough to trust someone who has a lingering past because you never truly know what is on their mind in terms of their genuine feelings towards you plus you always have to worry in the back of your mind if they are talking to an ex in secrecy or trying to reconnect with them–whether it be emotional and/or physical (such as meeting in person). It is for this reason why this is a no go because if your instincts are telling you that there is a lack of certainty within the relationship due to their past, there is a good chance that your instincts are valid. This also leads to the underlying issue that trust is not there meaning that it is not worth making an emotional investment. As I mentioned above, these types of relationships should not begin in the first place and if you find out or get any sense that their past is not left in their past, it calls for instant termination of the relationship because ultimately there really is no “relationship.”

Why You Can’t Always Trust “Fitness” Influencers – Along with A Much Healthier Approach to Fitness

Leave a reply

Nowadays thanks to social media, there is so much information about health and fitness. People post everything ranging from their workouts to what they eat each day. Just about anyone and everyone can post including normal people who are fitness enthusiasts, actual professionals who work as trainers or within the fitness industry, or people who call themselves fitness influencers who might have a massive following but do not have a professional background. You might also notice that fitness influencers try to sell fitness programs that are marketed to help you train to look just like them or try to obtain a certain physique. While I also like to turn to places like Instagram to learn new fitness moves or as fitness inspiration to help me vary my workouts, that is the extent that I rely on social media for this information because I know that there are many people out there who might make fitness claims that are not valid. For example, it often is a taboo subject to talk about plastic surgery or any type of body procedures; however, there are some people that have had work done but say that they look that way thanks to their workouts and programs. This is false advertising! That is why I don’t think you can take everything that you see on social media all too seriously. Also keep in mind that everyone’s genetics are designed differently so a specific diet and fitness routine that works on one person might not necessarily work as effectively on someone else.

I believe the healthiest approach to fitness is to first set realistic expectations and fitness goals that apply to you personally. From there, you can create a game plan to determine how you will reach these goals and then develop the right habits that you can adapt on a daily basis that will help you achieve the results that you are looking for. Consistency is the key and as long as you are consistent with your efforts, you will notice that you will make progress over time. It is natural that there will be off days but never let that bring you down and know that you can always pick right back up from where you started or where you were previously. It is much healthier to focus on your own fitness journey than to compare yourself to others because the majority of the time, the people who might have a major social media following are not always the most knowledgeable and/or might be taking extreme measures to appear “healthy” when they actually are not. It is important to find what works for you and to apply it in your everyday life so it becomes a lifestyle as opposed to feeling like a chore which is why that it is also beneficial to find physical activities that you love paired with a healthy diet that you find enjoyable.

Can Opposite Gender Friends Be a Threat on a Relationship?

2 Replies

I notice that people tend to have very opposing views when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. There are some people who do not think it is possible to have opposite gender friends without romantic feelings developing at some point from either party (or both) while others believe it is totally possible to form a platonic friendship without it leading to anything more. My immediate answer to this is that everything is situational. Of course there are instances where friends can become more than friends but there are also plenty of instances where these friendships are mutually platonic. The real question should be, when do they become a threat on a relationship?

Frequency of Contact – If someone is talking to a friend of the opposite sex quite often, like everyday and multiple times throughout the day, I would say this friend can easily be seen as a threat on any relationship. The reason being that this person is getting a ton of emotional support and attention from their friend which I think over time can allow for two people to develop a closer connection and for romantic feelings to start at any given point. Even if both parties initially had no attraction towards one another, this attraction can still build over time due to how often they stay connected on a daily basis.

Quality Time Spent – When two people spend quality time together, I think it is inevitable that two people can start to like each other. On the other hand, sometimes two people genuinely have the same interests and have the same hobbies so they might just get together to share these commonalities. If you’re in a relationship and you notice that your partner is meeting up with a friend privately (as in you are never invited) for long periods of time or often enough for you to notice, it is worth having a conversation to determine if this friend is really just a friend or if more is going on behind closed doors. If you make the assessment that the other person is more than a friend and your partner is more concerned with keeping them as a close friend, it is to your best interest to break it off before their relationship escalates to a point where you are going to be left heartbroken in the long run anyhow.

Type of Conversations – I am not sure the best way to word this but basically pay attention to what their conversations consist of. Do these two people work together and strictly talk about work? Or is there underlying flirting and deep conversations transpiring between the two? If you see one or both people are relying heavily on each other for emotional support as opposed to just talking about surface level stuff, then you have every right to question it and see it as a red flag. Again, the best way to get to bottom of it is to openly ask your partner. If you still feel uneasy about the situation then use your intuition as a guide to make a firm decision as to whether or not this relationship is worth continuing. Chances are that your intuition is spot on and that you should move on to find a partner who wants to give you their full attention and make you a top priority over these so-called “friends.”

5 Signs You’re Not With the Right Partner

Leave a reply

When looking for a life partner, there may come times when you question whether or not you should stay in your current relationship. Although I can probably think of a more extensive list as to signs to look for when determining if it’s time to end a relationship, I came up with my top five list. The list below should help you to decide if the relationship is worth pursuing or whether or not it is meant to last over time.

There Are Way Too Many Things to Fix – If you find that you’re with someone who you want to change many things about them, this person simply is not the one. Of course the person you are with will not possess everything you are looking for; however, if the person is missing many things that you’re looking for in a life partner then you should consider moving on because ideally you want to be with someone who you can accept the person for who they are including both their good and bad traits. For example, if you can’t stand their eating habits or how they manage their money, rather than trying to change them, find a person who is more aligned with how you choose to live your life. Why settle on a “fixer upper relationship” where you constantly have to change the person and shape them into your dream partner? It just isn’t worth it! I have a better idea: Why don’t you break it off for good and keep the door open for your dream partner to come into your life?

Your Partner Is Not Over Their Ex – For me personally, this is a huge deal breaker. Think about it, why waste your time dating someone who can’t stop talking about their past and is not completely over their ex? You should want to build a future with someone who is fully in the present with you and doesn’t have a lingering past that they are still currently living in. If you notice that the person you are with does not seem to have healed from their last relationship, rather than continuing to date in hopes that they will get over their ex over time, it probably is best to not invest any of your time with this person until you know that they are ready to move forward.

Lack of Trust – I think it goes without saying that you should not be with someone who you do not trust or has betrayed your trust at some point during the course of your relationship. Although you might be able to forgive and forget, it is often tough to totally trust the person again depending on the depth of deception. I also want to point out, if the person has trust issues against you with no real justification for it, this is another indication that it is not worth it to stay because you will constantly have to walk on eggshells to prove that you can be trusted which can get really exhausting over time if you’re being challenged on a daily basis.

Other Options In the Back of Your Mind – If the thought of someone else ever comes to your mind or if you would be open to giving your number to a stranger if they asked, you definitely are not with the right person. When you are with the person you truly care about, you wouldn’t look at anyone else in a romantic way. You also would not even consider giving your personal information to someone else because you are happily taken and only have love for the person you are with. If you find that you are open to the idea of spending time with another person who isn’t your partner, that should be a strong indicator that you need to break it off altogether as opposed to settling on someone who isn’t your most desired match.

You Just Don’t See a Future With This Person – Sometimes it can take time to see if your partner’s life and yours can merge into a future together. If you’re at a point where you just don’t see your life paths going in the same direction, then despite how strongly you might feel for this person, it might be better to end the relationship. For example, if your partner only plans to live in a city and you can’t see yourself making this life change, then there is no future unless one can make a compromise. In addition, if you don’t envision yourself being with this person in the next few years, you need to question the reason you feel this way and this feeling might give you the clarity that’s needed to find a better suited life partner that you can actually see a future with.

Why Honesty Is Always the Best Policy – Even When the Truth Hurts Sometimes

3 Replies

As the common saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.” While not everyone might believe this to be the case, I think it is important to consider the benefits of being honest. To me, I look at honesty as a way of displaying authenticity as an individual while also being transparent. Transparency is an incredibly important trait because it is valuable knowing that what you see in someone is truly how they are. However, you will tend to notice that many people are not always true to themselves or that they lack the ability to be honest with others. Even though we understand that being honest is a positive characteristic, why do people often struggle with this?

I think what prevents most people from being transparent with their interactions with others or from being completely honest is that they fear that they can hurt people’s feelings within the process or that people will dislike them for it. What people need to understand is that you are actually HURTING people when you are dishonest as opposed to being honest. Perhaps initially, someone might not react favorably when the honest truth is negative; however, you are helping someone by providing the truth, even if the truth can hurt sometimes. In addition, you are gaining someone’s trust and respect when you opt to be honest. Trust me, I never like to hurt people’s feelings either but I recognize that it is a huge injustice to someone if I were to sugarcoat the truth or lie to someone as a way to protect their feelings. It is important to always look at the bigger picture and know that being honest builds trust and that the truth is of higher value in the long run despite any immediate tension or discomfort that it could cause from within yourself or onto someone else. Given the choice, remember to choose honesty because it truly always is the best policy.

“Your Direction Is More Important Than Your Speed”

3 Replies

I actually came across this quote on an Instagram caption and liked it enough to google it first to see that it is an actual quote. The quote is, “Your direction is more important than your speed.” I could not agree more with this. I feel like we live in a world where everything is about instant gratification and everyone is in a rush to get what they want right now. What people do not understand is, many amazing things take time and the process should NOT be rushed. What is the point in moving fast when you’re not going in the right direction?

There needs to be a greater focus on DIRECTION. As we all know, life can go in many directions. Where do you want to go? Is your life going in that direction? From there, if you are following that path, you need to trust that you will get to the end result or achieve that goal. Once I commit to the direction that I am going, there is no need to be asking “when” because I know that I am on my right path and understand that everything that I desire to manifest most will happen…when it is supposed to. People often stress over time and not having what they want at the time that they want; however, that has the opposite effect on your outcome. Why? Stress and lack of trust are both negative energies to put out into the Universe. Positive energy requires CERTAINTY (again trust) on your end along with PATIENCE (not worrying on the speed in which it happens).

I recognize that certain things in life require deadlines and that can be expected. However, also keep in mind that not everything has to have a deadline. As I said before, many of the greatest things in life do indeed take time. The process in getting there is even more enjoyable when you take the time to actually appreciate it as opposed to rushing to the finish line.