When it comes to expectations, I find that people tend to either set them too high or too low. It is definitely good to set expectations in general as opposed to not setting them at all but there is such a thing as setting expectations that are too high. When it comes to personal relationships, it is important to make a conscious effort in finding a healthy balance with your expectations. It is natural to place high expectations on a new relationship or when you meet someone new whom you really like. While you might have a mental checklist of exactly what you are looking for in a mate, the reality is, no one is perfect and no one is going to fit every single item on your checklist. That is why I emphasize that the key is BALANCE when navigating your expectations or otherwise you are always going to be left unhappy–no matter who you’re with.
I recommend taking the time to develop a realistic list of expectations of what matters to you most but to also keep your mind open to other people’s differences. While it is great being able to find a person with many similarities, sometimes contrasting traits will enhance the relationship and still ensure that there is compatibility because they will compliment each other. A common example of this is if someone is more extroverted, this person will tend to connect better with someone who is more introverted. When developing any healthy relationship, it is essential to have the capacity of adapting to others while also being flexible. As I mentioned previously, being too rigid and/or setting your expectations too high will typically result in major disappointment and unhappiness which all could have been avoided.
If you do find that you are dating someone who doesn’t meet any of your expectations–in other words, this person has more negative qualities than positive qualities, then you have every right to want to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in settling with being someone who does not live up to any of your expectations and mislead the other person into thinking that you are invested in the relationship when you already know ultimately that you are not interested due to unmet expectations.
Self confidence can come from various sources and change throughout the course of your life; however, there is no denying that self confidence will naturally manifest from within if you do things that align with your belief system. For example, if you believe that education equates to success, then you should take the courses needed to help you progress in your career which would ultimately make you a successful person over time. Everyone’s personal values and beliefs are individually selected so it is important to establish what you find most important and then take the action that is needed to possess those qualities. Another example might be prioritizing a fit and healthy physique as something that makes you feel confident. If this is important to you, then you will naturally be inclined to work out and implement a healthy diet in order to get the results needed.
While many have a belief that what others think of you matters, it is important to develop the mindset that you are a high value individual and can generate your own self confidence no matter what other people do or say. When you genuinely possess high self esteem, your belief about yourself will never be impacted or changed. Why? Your confidence levels and self worth are not determined by the people around you and come from within which is ultimately a positive thing. You want to get to a place in your life where you do not care what other people think of you because how you feel about yourself is what matters most. That is why it is important to pursue things that bring you both joy and confidence which are in alignment with your beliefs. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is time to dig deep and make some serious changes. You need to first focus on what you want and from there, actually implement the changes needed while working on developing the characteristics that can allow you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that it is important to want to make the changes for yourself and not because someone is pressuring you to be a certain way or to please others. Always let your intuition paired with your belief system be the guiding forces of your life and you will be on a spiritual path to growth and acceptance of self.
While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.
The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉
As you navigate through life, it is best to always be making moves and taking action as opposed to doing nothing or staying stagnant. If you stay comfortable and complacent all the time, you will find that your life is not only unfulfilling (perhaps boring) and that you aren’t going anywhere. Who wants to stay in the same place all the time? I understand that many people feel a higher level of security staying within their comfort zone but there isn’t much spiritual growth and it is during the times that you challenge yourself and try something new that you are actually elevating yourself in the long run.
Even if you made a life decision that did not go as planned, at least you can say that you tried and you can always change the direction later. In life, you sometimes have to take a few detours before getting on the right track of your life. As I have pointed out previously, sometimes a setback is a set up for something even better in your future. So don’t be afraid to take chances and try new things! I promise that you will never regret it! 😉
Whether you want to believe it or not, your MINDSET is your strongest asset in helping you manifest your desires and reach all your lifetime goals. For many people, building wealth is on the top of the list but many people do not know where to start. Time and time again, as I just pointed out from the very beginning–it all begins with your mindset. It is your choice in how you develop your thoughts, so why not think with intention and develop a stronger mindset? The good thing is, it is never too late to develop a positive mindset in regards to how you view money and navigate your financial future.
Believe in Your Money Making Potential – For me personally, making money has always come very easily. Mind you, I have always worked very hard to ensure that I make enough money to be financially independent while also saving for my future. My earning potential has always been abundant not solely due to my deep desire to build wealth but also because I strongly believe that I have the capacity to generate a ton of money. This belief propels me to take the action that is needed to manifest and make it happen. I don’t sit around and wait for the money to fall from the sky because I recognize that the process does not work that way. Maybe for some people, they are not in a position where they need to work or they have someone who can totally provide for them. While this might appear nice on the surface, it goes against my core belief that I am a money making machine. Hence I have never been one to rely on others for money and have always found ways to make a good living where I have enough money for daily expenses and where I can still put money aside for the future. This goes to show that anyone can do it given they have the right mindset.
Understand that Building Wealth Is a Gradual Process – Everyone is looking for a get rich quick money strategy or wants to be rich right now but realistically, most people who have accumulated a substantial amount of wealth will tell you that it was not an overnight process. It is more about how consistent you are with your money habits and setting long term goals which will ultimately lead to a good amount of money. Besides saving money, it is important to invest your money so that it continues to grow and accumulate over time. It is okay if you are starting small or with essentially nothing, as long as you stay on a good path to wealth with the mindset that you are going to continue to keep building wealth throughout your lifetime by your everyday money habits.
Be Willing to Make Sacrifices for the Greater Good of Your Financial Future – I recognize that saving and investing money might not be as exciting as spending it right now but it is ESSENTIAL to get into the habit of holding onto more money than you are taking home. This is a necessity not only for building long term wealth but this habit will allow for you to become financially stable and prevent you from taking on any unnecessary debts. There will always be temptations in your life from having the fanciest car to having designer clothes to wanting to eat at the nicest restaurants or whatever you want to spend your hard earned money on to provide you instant gratification but you need to shift your mindset to believe that you don’t need these things and prioritize your future above anything else while just focusing on your basic necessities as much as you can. That is not to say that you are not allowed to treat yourself from time to time but rather to not let instant gratification be the driving force of your spending decisions. It is better to make financial sacrifices now for the greater good of your abundant future that lies ahead.
When it comes to health and wellness, some people definitely prioritize their health more than others while some people do not care about their health whatsoever. While I do think it is very difficult to find someone who totally shares the same views and habits in regards to their health, it is definitely possible to find someone who has a similar lifestyle. The question is, how much does this matter in a relationship?
I would compare health and fitness to religion, where it is something that could matter significantly and when there are contrasting views, it can cause some conflicts and tension over time. If you have someone who is very health conscious, this person can grow very resentful over time if their partner is not and can feel like they are a burden by their poor health decisions. The person who is less healthy can also grow resentful of their partner if they feel that their healthier partner cannot accept them for themselves and that their significant other is trying to change them to become more healthy. I can see how both parties could get frustrated at each other for different reasons. I think the underlying issue here is a lack of ACCEPTANCE and/or unrealistic expectations. When two people love each other, they should find a way to accept each other which means accepting the good and the bad traits. If two people learn to accept each other, then this would never become a major issue in a relationship. While I also believe that setting expectations in a relationship can be a positive thing, it is not positive if you set an unrealistic expectation to change someone who most likely will not change their habits. The only way a change can be made is if the person intrinsically wants to change and not trying to change because the other person is pushing them to.
At the same time, if you detect early on within a relationship that a person does not have the same views and/or habits as you when it comes to health and this is something that is extremely important to you, I advise it is best to move on and to look for someone who can be on the same page as you. It is better to break it off and find a partner who is in alignment with your lifestyle as opposed to trying to change the person because as I mentioned previously, the person most likely will not change. You will be much happier in the long run and feel closer to your partner when you are with someone who has very similar health habits as you–given that is a high priority in your life.
Whether consciously or unconsciously aware, people tend to conform with society and emulate the lives of others around them or those whom they admire. It is especially natural to want to live life like other people because with social media, we are constantly exposed to how glamorous and beautiful people’s lives are because of the way others choose to showcase the very best aspects of their lives. The truth of the matter is, life is NOT always glamorous and what you see on the surface isn’t always the reality. People never post their failures, insecurities, challenges, unflattering photos, and/or their struggles. It is for this reason it is best to not care or be influenced by what you see people doing and to just focus on your personal happiness–even if it is not what is commonly seen on social media or conforms with society.
When I look at why I am happier than most people, part of it has to do with the fact that I do not compare my life to others because I understand that everyone’s individual path is unique and special. I proactively stay on my own path to happiness and pursue my authentic interests on my own time schedule. I do not go through the motions of doing things for the sake of it or because everyone else is doing something. I care more about my happiness than conformity because at the end of the day, what makes me happy might be different from what someone else defines as their happiness.
It is a good idea to reduce your screen time and detach from your social media accounts (in other words reduce your time on them or avoid them altogether) so that you are not tempted to look at what everyone else is doing. Not only is it a waste of time but that energy can be best spent focusing on your own personal goals and mapping out your very own beautiful future. Your time is a valuable spiritual asset so it is important to spend it wisely and invest your time in the right places. It is refreshing to live your life in real life anyhow as opposed to always staying behind a screen!
It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.
Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.
No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.
In the dating world, there are many ways in which people express that they are not interested in progressing a relationship, looking for anything serious, or perhaps breaking off an existing relationship. A common expression that is often said to express one of the things listed is: “I can’t give you the love that you need.” While no one wants to face reality, it is an indirect way for the person to say that they are not interested–bottom line. If someone really cared about the person, then no matter what their life circumstances were, this person would find a way to make it work because they are INTERESTED. It is important to recognize when someone is not interested, especially when it is spelled out that the best thing to do is to accept it and move on.
In certain situations, it can also mean that the person feels that the other person requires a level of love that is hard to give and they do not feel that they have a way to match the love that they might be receiving in return. It is important to notice here that the person is also NOT choosing to put in the effort that is needed which also signifies that the underlying issue here is that there is no interest.
No matter what the reason is, it is important to take it at face value that the other person does not want to build a romantic relationship in any capacity and to both go separate ways. There is no need to ask the person what this means, beg them back, or try to convince them to stay. It is never worth it. This is actually a blessing when a person says this because there is enough clarity in knowing that it is best to move on altogether. If you are in a position where you feel this way, there is nothing wrong with saying this to someone but I still feel it is better to be more authentic and honest if possible while also being respectful and polite.