A Strong Need to Be Perfect is Actually Detrimental for Self Development for These Reasons

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It is natural in life to want to strive for perfection in different areas of your life. Maybe you are someone who strives for perfect grades or wants to be the perfect athlete. It is healthy to want to be your personal best but if it borders on obsession then this is far from healthy. The main reason being is that it is impossible to be perfect at everything because perfection is a facade. I would always encourage people to find their strengths and to develop their passions but not to feel the need to be absolutely perfect at everything because it is a lost cause and not really elevating your self development in the long run. There are also a handful of underlying issues associated with striving for perfection which I am going to discuss here.

Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect Actually Displays a Controlling Personality – This might not apply to everyone but someone who wants to be perfect typically has a strong need to control everything in their lives. This is not a healthy quality to possess especially when it comes to your self development. In life, you are simply not going to be able to control everything. While it is good to plan ahead and try to control most things, there are going to be many instances where you need to go with the flow and let things happen as they are supposed to.

There are Always Going to be People Better Than You – It is important to face the reality that there are always going to be people better than you and you cannot be the very best at everything that you pursue in life. You might have a long list of talents and skills that you excel at but it is a waste of your mental energy if you think that you can perfect everything. This is a false sense of reality because there are many times in your life that you are going to need to experience FAILURE in order to SUCCEED. It might sound counterintuitive but it is actually those moments when you fail that will teach you to think of ways to overcome these failures and to propel you to find ways to progress in life. So it is healthy to not be perfect and to experience failures in order to keep your ego in check along with giving you the proper coping skills that are needed during those times when things do not go your way.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted – Maybe this does not apply to everyone but I find that people who have this inner need to be perfect are actually people who suffer from low self esteem. Think about it–a person with high self esteem does NOT need to be perfect. This person is confident in knowing that they have their flaws and can accept themselves as is. If someone goes too far out of their way to be “perfect,” it is because they feel that they are missing something or that they are not good enough. Being good enough means that you can take the good with the bad. A highly confident person understands that there is no need to be the most attractive, rich, or amazing person in order to feel good about self. When you see a person who does a ton of plastic surgery to create that “perfect” image, this is actually a person who is screaming from the inside, “I need to do all these extreme things to look perfect in order to feel good inside and to receive validation from others because I do not love myself.” There is nothing wrong about caring about your appearance but if you see someone go overboard, then you know that this person is deeply insecure and does not feel accepted unless they strive for a perfection that does not even really exist.

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

2024 Has Been a Wild Year So Far – An Earthquake, Solar Eclipse, and What’s Next?

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As we finish up the first quarter of 2024 already, I have to say that this has been a relatively wild year. Putting aside recent events which I will delve into a little later in this post–I think that this year has brought upon a unique set of challenges for many people who I know personally–(yes, myself included). I feel that 2024 has definitely been the year of uncertainty and a time of deep life reflection with many life lessons to be learned. The last time life felt this way was back around this time four years ago back in 2020 when everyone was locked down due to Covid-19. While we have thankfully come a long way since, there is this creepy parallel between 2020 and 2024 in my eyes. While it is still very early in the year to make personal progress in self development and for things to take a positive turn–it feels that this might not happen for awhile and that we will all just need to remain both resilient and positive until we move back to better times. (Don’t worry, try not to lose any trust in the Universe–we will be back to good times again at some point)! Now moving on to earthquakes…


While I recognize that earthquakes are quite normal in certain parts of the world, experiencing an earthquake in New Jersey is not common whatsoever. I was off of work that day and was driving so I did not feel it at all at the time that it occurred. However, the epicenter happened to happen in my area so all of my family and friends had felt it. It extended many miles so even my family members in Long Island and Connecticut had felt it too. Many hours later, around 6pm there was an aftershock by me. I was actually home this time and I saw items on the top of my dresser shaking. I couldn’t believe it! I have been reading that there will probably be a series of aftershocks as a result of the earthquake in the weeks to come. We shall see…so what about that solar eclipse that everyone was talking about?


There was also a total solar eclipse in certain parts of North America this past Monday on April 8th–just a few days after the earthquake shook everyone up on Friday, April 5th. It had been hyped for many weeks leading up to the day of so although I am far from a science person; I did go outside with solar eclipse glasses and tried to see if I could see the solar eclipse with my very eyes. Being that it was very cloudy at the time of the solar eclipse, I did not see anything. Many other people I spoke to had difficulty seeing it too unfortunately. It was a slight let down but at the same time, I was pretty indifferent in regards to the solar eclipse to begin with. I just carried on with the remainder of my day after it passed like any other day.

With so much happening within such a short amount of time these past few days, you have to wonder…so what’s next? At least, that’s what I’m thinking about right now as I write this blog. As always in life…to be continued 😉

You Don’t Need Beauty, Brains, or Money – What You Need MOST in a Relationship

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Now I know the title might seem a bit extreme but I am sure that it did catch your attention (which was the whole point). 😉 I want to start off by saying that when you are searching for a life partner, there are going to be tons of qualities that you are looking for and that every individual’s criteria is going to vary. Most people are going to have some of the same general things while others will have very specific attributes that are important to you but might not be important to someone else.

Going back to what people “generally” are looking for, many people will say that finding someone who is extremely physically attractive or intelligent or wealthy will be on the top of their lists. I am not here to tell you that you should not be striving for those qualities if that is something of importance to you. However, what I do want to point out is that these are not only common requests but that they are rather generic and surface level things to ask for from a life partner. Ultimately, don’t you think there should be deeper and more meaningful qualities to look for?

This brings me to something that I personally find ESSENTIAL in a life partner and a quality that is not really talked about often enough. I would say that a high level of emotional intelligence goes a LONG WAY in a forever type of relationship. Too often I hear people say that they are interested in someone who is “intelligent” but that can mean different things to different people and what I might label as “intelligent” might be radically different to someone else. I also do not think being “smart” really adds a whole lot to a relationship unless perhaps you crave having intelligent conversations with your partner on a regular basis. Now adding that emotional component to intelligence is very specific and refers to someone who is able to understand, emphasize, and relate to you. This is so crucial in a relationship! It is important to be with someone who really takes the time to not only get to know you but understand you emotionally speaking where you do not have to explain yourself or feel that you need to be less vulnerable because the other person (sadly) does not have that emotional intelligence component in their brain.

Over the years, I have grown to value this quality and seek it within all my personal relationships which include friendships as well. Being able to create an emotional bond with your partner while also feeling heard and understood on an emotional level is such a healthy component within a relationship. In romantic relationships, I understand that there are going to be many qualities that are essential to you but try to dig a little deeper and look past the surface level things. While I do understand having an attractive, smart, and wealthy mate are ideal qualities–I look at those qualities as bonuses rather than essentials. Think about it–looks can and often tend to fade over time, being smart doesn’t really add too much to the relationship itself at the end of the day, and your partner can always run out of money one day. If you relied too much of your decision on finding a life partner based on these things then you will end up feeling very disappointed, unhappy, or left feeling empty if this criteria were to not stay the same over time. It is for this reason that you should opt to find someone who is emotionally intelligent which will better ensure the longevity of your relationship in the long run.

Stop Blaming Yourself For Your Failures – Do These Things Instead

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Experiencing failure is an inevitable experience in life and although it is associated with frustration, sadness, and other negative feelings–there are ways to fail and still persevere. It is very natural to want to blame yourself for your failures but that can leave you feeling very upset and prevent you from recovering. First and foremost, you need to walk away from any failure with a positive attitude. You need to detach yourself from any negativity and find ways to move forward with your life. This can be a very good time for self reflection where you do not dwell so much on the failure itself but you find ways to look past it. During this time, you should also think about ways of improving the outcome in the future and to motivate yourself to try again and/or find better solutions. While you might go through moments where you feel defeated, it is essential that you do not let negativity steer you towards giving up or feeling bad about yourself. When you fall, you need to get yourself right back up and keep it moving. The same goes with when you fail–you need to just get back on track with your life and make some positive strides in the right direction.

While many of us strive for perfection, you need to recognize that life is not meant to be perfect at all times. If you never came across failures in life, there would be no room for spiritual growth. It is often during the dark times and the times that you fail that you are actually setting yourself up towards success in your future. You might not see it at the present moment but it all ends up making sense later. That is why you need to trust the Universe, even when you come across some failures along the way. You need to take these failures as life lessons and LEARN from them. That is the positive takeaway from any failure is to look at it as an opportunity to gain wisdom and pick up some valuable spiritual lessons along the way.

If you are still having a tough time mentally with whatever failure that you are going through, take this time not only for yourself but do not be afraid to seek out help and to reach out to those who care about you. It can be extremely helpful to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences or to just express your feelings to someone. Some people like to bottle everything inside but it can actually be more beneficial to express yourself to others. You would be amazed at the amount of emotional support you would receive simply by speaking up and talking to a professional or to someone you know. For me personally, I cannot thank the supportive people around me enough for listening and empathizing with me when I needed it most. That is why it is important to surround yourself with a positive support system and to embrace seeking their advice during those times where you could use the extra emotional support.

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Relationships and Timelines – My Honest Thoughts

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I want to start off with a quote that I recently stumbled upon:

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. “— Nora Ephron

I have always been the type of person to believe that when you find the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, the relationship process will organically move into that direction in a rather smooth and healthy time frame. I never envisioned myself in a five plus year long relationship with someone for the sake of being in a long term relationship with someone that would not eventually lead to marriage. I never believed in having to force guys to commit to me or to ever be in a position where it would be a struggle to build a future with someone who cared for me as much as I cared for them. Trust me when I tell you–when you find the right person, everything will magically fall into place. You are not going to need to wait a lifetime for this person to want to start their lives with you because as the quote states, this person already cannot wait to start their future with you.

Think about it: When you cherish and love something, you want that thing as much as possible. You are not going to push it away or have to think about whether or not you want more of it. This same basic principle also applies to people yet so many people fail to recognize this. Why would you ever want to be with someone who needed time to determine if they want something serious with you or request a break from you when things get tough? When you LOVE someone (and more importantly, vice versa), you will instinctively do whatever it takes to be with that person. You will shift your schedule to make quality time for this person. You will make personal sacrifices for the greater good of your future. It also will come naturally to think about bringing both your worlds together and to create a life TOGETHER. As I always like to point out, it has to be BOTH ways. As much as you love this person, this person also needs to be reciprocating the love and be putting in just as much effort into your relationship as you are. Please do not settle for anything less than that or for a one sided relationship where you need to do everything all the time in order for the relationship to last.

If you are in a relationship with someone who you love but there is no clarification or security in where your future is going, never be afraid to walk away. You need to believe that your soulmate who you are longing to manifest will come quite effortlessly. You aren’t going to need to ask your partner questions like, “Where is this going?” or “Do you see me in your future?” The right person will not only find ways to assure you that there is a future but already be taking the action steps to shift your lives together. It is also wise to be extra cautious because it is very easy for someone to promise you a future with their words but not with their actions just to keep you around. If you sense that this could be the case, then you need to find a way to let go of this relationship despite how attached you might feel at the present moment. You need to look many steps ahead into your life in knowing that the right person will not only not walk away but also not let you walk away from them. The best way to invest into your future is to make the right decisions today despite how hard they can be. Never lose sight of what you are looking for along with knowing your value. These two principles will make it much easier for you to navigate your relationships and get closer to finding your soulmate.

While Communication Is One of Many Keys of a Successful Relationship — So Is Learning to UNDERSTAND

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There is no denying that communicating with your partner is important and can ensure a healthy and long lasting relationship. However, sometimes people rely too much on communication but forget to actually take the time to listen and understand. While communication is a great thing, you can have two people expressing themselves to one another but failing to UNDERSTAND what is being said to one another. It is just as essential to try to empathize and understand as it is to communicate. If more people took the time to do this, there would be less conflicts, miscommunications, and even breakups. When you love someone unconditionally, you will not only learn the importance of great communication but also learn why understanding your partner will lead to a lasting future together. Remember that it takes two equally dedicated people to make a relationship work so that is why both people need to make this effort to understand each other.

As I just pointed out, there are going to be times that you will not see eye to eye with someone, no matter how much you try to explain yourself. Rather than trying to challenge your partner, take the time to really absorb what they are trying to express to you and learn to accept them. You will find that sometimes this is best in order to keep the peace and harmony within the relationship. It is okay to have your differences and to express them but one should never feel judged or misunderstood within a relationship. Another good lesson that ties into understanding is having the capacity to pick your battles and to be the bigger person. You need to be able to step outside the situation and look at the bigger picture: Is it worth it to cause an issue? If the answer is no, then it is up to you to accept and understand your partner at the end of the day. You will both be happier and continue to create a stronger bond with one another.

How My Money Perspective Has Changed From My 20s to My 30s – What Would I Do Differently? (If Anything)

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As I reflect about my life and my relationship with money, I would definitely say that my approach to spending, saving, and investing has radically changed over the years. Am I just becoming older and wiser or does the current state of the economy have any impact on my views on money? It can be a combination of things but I do believe that with life experience comes more knowledge. I have always had a passion for building wealth and that is something that has not changed since my 20s but my perspective is definitely different now and there are many ways in which I view money differently than I did a decade ago.

Having Money In My Bank Account Means More Than Spending It – I have always been a rather good money saver but over the years, I have become an even more aggressive saver. Why? As I have aged, it is just more satisfying to have a bigger bank account than to spend money on material goods or going out. I am much more willing to sacrifice my desires and wants now than I was able to in my youth. It comes more natural for me to say no to unnecessary purchases and to just save my money instead. For me personally, it just feels good to have a lot of money stored away in a bank account than to spend it.

Spending Money on Clothes Doesn’t Excite Me Anymore – I have always had a love for fashion and wearing stylish and flattering clothing. That would also mean having the nicest shoes and handbags to go with my outfits. Fast forward to the present moment and I now do not care about clothing like I used to. Over the years, I have accumulated a wonderful wardrobe of classics and staple pieces that still fit and look great year after year. This is why there really is no need to go out and constantly buy new clothes unless it is an item that is worn out and in need of a replacement. I also want to point out a valuable life lesson: No one really cares what you wear more than yourself. So there really is no need to overspend on clothing or feel the need to impress anyone because no one really cares about the clothing you wear. That is not to say that you should totally neglect your self image but to consciously make an effort to be less vain because at the end of the day–no one cares what you wear!

I am Obsessed With My Retirement Savings – When you are in your 20s, you do not really think about retirement enough unless you are taught the importance of compound interest and investing as early as you can. Fortunately, my mother had me open an IRA account at the age of 18 years old. While I was making contributions to my IRA as much as I could at the time (which wasn’t too much), my biggest regret is not making a conscious effort to max out my IRA contribution every single year. When I turned 30 years old, I made the conscious effort to start doing that and have really seen the increase over the years which is very encouraging. This motivates me to keep investing into my retirement and watching it grow over time.

My Time Is More Valuable Than Money – Despite how much I prioritize working and making money, as I have gotten older–I have tried to have more of a balance between my work life and personal life. In other words, I cherish and value having quality time as opposed to working nonstop. Sometimes you have to take the time to say no to work and actually enjoy living your life. I would rather just work less and make more as opposed to feeling like I need to work constantly. In the past, I would push myself to work as much as I can, even if that meant less free time to do the things that I loved. Although I still would consider myself a hard worker, I have toned down the intensity and have made having free time more of a priority over work.

Booking a Vacation Is Worth Every Penny – I have been an avid traveler since my mid to late 20s when I started to make a high enough income to allocate money towards one of my biggest passions in life–international travel. To this day, I still believe that travel is money well spent and something that I would never regret spending because the memories that are created are so worth it. While not everyone might have a love for travel, it is important to find something that you love and allow yourself to spend the money on your desired category of choice with zero regrets. I spent the money on travel then and will continue to spend my hard earned money on travel throughout the course of my lifetime. It can be an expensive hobby but it is one that I will always justify as an essential expense.

5 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Might Be Trying to Break Up With You

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When you are dating, it is inevitable that the relationship might not last over time. Sometimes people are left blindsided and hurt but the truth of the matter is–the signs were always there and it is up to you to be able to detect them. There are those rare scenarios when a relationship ends abruptly with no true explanation; however, the majority of the time, the relationship was leading to a breakup before it actually happened. If one takes the time to examine the other person’s behaviors leading up to the relationship to end, then it becomes more clear that this was going to happen sooner than later. Here are some subtle signs to look for that could prepare you for an upcoming breakup.

Less Communication – If you notice a person is slowly becoming less responsive, taking a long time to reply to you, or just not contacting you all too often, this typically is a subtle sign that the other person is trying to let you go without actually confronting you that this is their intent. While it is a cowardly approach, unfortunately, many people tend to do this because they do not know how to directly end the relationship or confront that they do not want to continue being together anymore. In order to gain clarity, it is natural to ask what is wrong but sometimes it is best to end it yourself when you start to notice a lessening in communication because you deserve a partner who makes the effort to be with you. There is a reason why communication is priority in a relationship so when you start to see less of it, that might be the time for you to walk away yourself.

Canceling Plans Last Minute – If your partner makes plans and is cancelling them often by choice, this is a major red flag. Yes, there will be situations in which life gets in the way and a plan would have to be cancelled but if this happens quite often and there is not really much effort in rescheduling or making it up to you, then it is pretty obvious that the person is losing interest and not making you a priority. If you are someone’s option but not a priority, then you are simply wasting your time as much as they are wasting yours. It is up to you to be proactive and not accept this behavior by being the one to stop offering your time and to consider ending the relationship.

A Drastic Pattern Change of Their Behaviors – If you notice that your partner is breaking their usual patterns, this can be a sign that they are starting to detach from you. For example, if the person usually sends you a good morning text and stopped all together, that might be something to cause you to wonder if the person lost interest or are starting to take you for granted. It is important to follow your instincts and to pay attention to these changed behaviors. Typically there is a reason for the change and it could be a sign that the relationship is no longer progressing towards a future.

Asking for a Break – Typically, a “break” is a nice way of asking to breakup or to apply extra space in a relationship that isn’t meant to last forever. It might be difficult for someone to end a relationship in its entirety so asking for a break is a stepping stone to the actual breakup. It allows the other person to test if they prefer to stay broken up or sometimes the space gives this person a chance to realize they miss the person. Either way, while a break can sometimes bring two people back together, oftentimes it is safe to say that a break will soon be followed by a breakup. Remember, when you have two loving people committed to a relationship, this would not even be a thought and the solution would be to stay together and to do whatever it takes to make things work.

There is No Talk of Your Future Together – If someone is genuinely interested in you and wants to be with you, then it will come natural for there to be conversations of what your future will look like TOGETHER. When someone avoids this topic or never thinks about spending their life with you, then chances are they never will. Yes, it could take some people a longer amount of time to develop those feelings but you should also not be in a position that you need to be waiting around for the other person to talk about the future. If you see a future with this person but the other doesn’t, then the relationship will probably end in a matter of time.

How to Convey Your Value With Your Actions Instead of Your Words

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While words are a great tool in communication, you will find that sometimes words are not nearly as effective as your actions. For example, when disciplining a child, if the child misbehaves and you take their toy away, that is a very effective message to the child that their behavior was unacceptable and that is what caused you to take their toy away. At that moment, the child learns right away the consequence and might think twice the next time before misbehaving again. As opposed to saying that you will take the toy away and then not following through. That is why most discipline fails is because as the saying goes, “talk is cheap” and the words don’t mean anything because there is no action paired with it. That is why you have to remember how important your actions are and why it is necessary to take the proper action needed in daily life situations as opposed to using strictly words, especially within your personal relationships.

When you are dating, people are going to test you and find ways to push your buttons. While you might express to someone how you feel–such as your needs are not being met and threaten to break it off if things don’t change, it is much more effective to just apply space right away and/or consider just breaking up with the person on the spot if you feel that the other person will not be able to change. That might sound harsh but the action of walking away or simply being more distant has a strong effect because you are standing up for yourself and showing that you have VALUE for yourself. A pushover will have a tough time doing this. When you value yourself, it becomes automatic to take action and to teach the other person what you will and will not tolerate. While doing so with your words might have some sort of impact, it will not be nearly as effective as your actions. That is also why there is the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” While I am a big believer in being able to use your words, there are going to be many instances in which your actions have a more powerful message so do not be afraid to take action whenever it is needed. You might be amazed by the outcome and see that you will start to get the desired results that you were looking for. That is why the best way to teach people your value is through your actions.