I know I have written a blog similar to this subject matter before and it is something that is especially helpful to read, especially if you are a parent or a parent to be. Although I am not a parent, I understand what an important job it is and that it is a role that should not be taken lightly. I also recognize that everyone has a very different approach to parenting and what might work on one child might not work out so well on another. So of course, parenting is a very personal role and one has to tailor the job to their particular child.
No matter what your parenting style is, I think that most would agree that it is important to build confidence in children so that they grow up to be strong and independent adults. People tend to think that telling their kids that they are the best at everything and teaching them to believe that they are flawless is helping their kids. Let’s be real for a moment–No one is flawless. Everyone is born with skills and talents but no one is good at everything in every area in life. Think about it, if someone was told that they are already exceptional at something, then there is little room to find improvements or to grow. It is OKAY to not be good at something and to point this out to a child or to anyone because this can motivate the person to want to get better and to strive to be a better person.
As a child, my parents had no problem telling me that I was not good at something and that I needed to improve. Maybe in the short term, I might feel upset inside but in the long term, my confidence was set up in a position that in order to elevate my self esteem, I needed to find ways to overcome these challenges. It is kind of like starting from the bottom of the mountain and then climbing to the top. What a wonderful feeling it is (aka a boost of confidence) once you actually get to the top! If one already started at the top of a mountain, then you would just stay there doing nothing because you would have no where else to climb any higher. This also creates a false sense of reality because most things in life require some work in which one needs to start at the very bottom. No one just automatically starts at the top because again, there is no room for growth and one needs to embrace the challenges along the way in order to get to the top to build strength which ultimately generates confidence.
I was reflecting on my life very much at the start of the new year and while I know I live a blessed life, I also know that I live an extremely happy and fulfilling one as well. People who know me personally know that I am not someone who gets sad easily and depression is definitely not something I can say I have truly ever experienced on a deep level. Of course there are days that bring its challenges but in the grand scheme of things, I love the life I am creating everyday and genuinely am a happy individual. Am I just born this way or am I doing something differently?Can others learn to live happier lives themselves?
My biggest advice is simple and it is a general principle that I have applied throughout my entire lifetime, both on a conscious and subconscious level: Find meaningfulness in your life and you will always find happiness. It is important to find meaning in all areas of your life whether it be within your profession, relationships, friendships, hobbies, etc. By finding meaning, I mean actually have a genuine connection and affinity towards everything you pursue. Don’t waste your time working for a company that you hate and that brings you down. Don’t invest your time in meaningless relationships that don’t have a significant impact on your heart. Don’t go through the motions of life because you feel you are “supposed to do something” or because “everyone is doing it.” You need to carve your own path and strive to find meaning behind everything that you do and happiness will always follow.
When I think about dating and relationships, I do believe that there is potential between any two people given that they both share a mutual interest for each other. However, there are many dating scenarios in which the attraction just stays at the attraction level but never progresses further due to inconsistent communication or lack of it from one or both people. This is what I call a missed opportunity and also an unfortunate situation simply due to the fact that two people did not establish a healthy communication pattern or it fails to be initiated at all. This usually happens for a few reasons. One or both people might be unsure of how the other person feels about them so instead of pursuing it any further, they just sit back and expect the other person to contact them not realizing that the other person is doing the same thing! So the outcome is that you have two people who are equally attracted to each other but nothing happens because neither want to really make a first move or have to overextend themselves at the risk of getting hurt. Another reason a person might not reach out as often is due to a busy schedule or maybe having a fear that they might annoy the other person if they message too much. Whatever the reason is, these all hinder two people from exploring love and developing a genuine connection.
Communication should not be up in the air and left uncertain if you like someone because it sends a mixed message. This is why I also don’t believe “playing hard to get” is effective because if you have two people doing the same thing as I mentioned, then both people never end up getting together. While yes, this tactic can build lingering attraction up to some point but what is the point of attraction if the end goal doesn’t lead two people in seeing where that attraction leads? That is like bringing a beautiful meal out to you at a restaurant but you are not allowed to eat it. You can stare at it but you do not get the pleasure of tasting it. My point is, mutual attraction that is left at a standstill or remains stagnant will eventually lead one or both people to move on because it is not going anywhere anytime soon.
So how can this be prevented? Once you actually are in contact with someone that you like and want to continue to get to know, I think the best question to ask this person is, “How often would you like me to contact you?” What I love about this is that it is direct AF and conveys that you are leading the relationship and want to be in touch but also am mindful of what the other person feels most comfortable with. If the other person responds in a way that suggests they do not want to be in contact with you much at all, this is a good thing because then you know not to invest as much of your time and you might consider walking away altogether. Time is our most valuable spiritual asset so if someone hints any disinterest, that is your cue to keep it moving. If the person expresses that they want to be in contact more frequently, then you know the person is interested in you and you now have a sense of how often you should be in touch with them without overstepping their boundaries and taking up too much of their time. I think it is a win/win set up and one that leaves a good first impression. It is appealing when someone is proactive and steps it up rather than playing a guessing game because most guessing games often lead to a game over.
Many people use ultimatums within their relationships in hopes to change a behavior or to get what they want from the other person. My immediate thought is, if you have to give an ultimatum–then you are not with the right person.Why? If you were with the right person, both people would be on the same page in which there would be no need to give an ultimatum. For example, if you have to say to someone, “I will only date you if….(fill in the blank)“ then it shows that you are not accepting the person for who they are and you are potentially forcing someone to change against their will. Meaning that even if the person complies and gives in to the ultimatum, it often times is not their personal choice and can cause resentment over time. Rather than trying to force upon a change within the relationship with an ultimatum, it is much healthier to communicate with your partner what your needs, expectations, and boundaries are from the start. If you find that your significant other is falling short of what you ultimately are looking for in a life partner, even after you have spelled it out and have had open discussions about it–rather than giving an ultimatum, you are actually just better off breaking it off because chances are, the person’s behavior was not going to change anyhow and as I mentioned before, it is clear that both people were not in sync enough with one another. Too often I see people trying to change their partners with various tactics including ultimatums and they simply fail because it just reveals the incompatibility between two people and that they do not belong together.
Let’s look at the flip side of the coin for just a moment. What if you are the recipient of an ultimatum?Hypothetically, what if your partner is imposing an ultimatum on you? Now what?Again, the bottom line is that you have two people with a totally different outlook on the relationship and chances are, the relationship is not built to last. I also consider ultimatums to be a control tactic and a red flag immediately goes up if I were to be in a situation where someone has to give me one. Personally, I have a ‘take it or leave it’ approach to my relationships so if a person is going to give me an ultimatum, my response is, “We are better off breaking up because I’m not going to do something that I am not comfortable with.” Again, I do not want anyone putting demands on me that go against my value system and the core of who I am. If someone cannot accept me for me then I know that I am in a much better position terminating the relationship on the spot and being alone as opposed to continuing a relationship that easily can turn into a very toxic and controlling one. It is a lose/lose situation either way because ultimatums tend to cause separation, tension, and future problems. If one person complies, they are setting themselves up for an unhealthy relationship by giving their partner the power to continue to control them. If the recipient decides to end the relationship, then the other person is at a loss of their partner when they might have been able to find a healthy solution or communicate in a way that would have prevented a permanent break up.
This leads me to my final point that ultimatums should be avoided altogether as there are much better ways to promote healthy change through providing positive support to one another, making a commitment to express self openly and honestly at all times, and offering fair compromises to create unison. If you find that you are in a relationship where your partner is placing unreasonable demands on you or that you are with someone who is not capable of making the changes needed on their own terms to ensure a lasting future, then do not forget that you always have the option to walk away, never look back, and start over–and there is nothing wrong with that.
I have been trying to think of a good list of dating advice that can literally apply to anyone and everyone. I thought of a short list of dating principles that I recognize might be common sense but dating advice that people don’t always follow in which it is important to share it. I really strive to help people make the very best choices in their personal lives so hopefully these tips are helpful! ❤
Not Everyone Is Going to Like You – Accept It and Move On – This is definitely one of the biggest reality checks that many people fail to follow and understand. It is very common to like someone who does not have the same feelings in return. The best thing to do is to move on and find an equal match where there is a mutual attraction on both ends. However, unfortunately people still stick around in hopes that the other person will start to develop feelings over time or they simply invest way too much of their time, resources, and both their emotional and physical energy into this person when the signs were clear from the start that nothing meaningful was ever going to transpire. I know for many, this can be a tough situation to deal with and can easily bruise the ego. There good thing is, there are literally billions of people in this world and I can assure you that you can actually find someone who values you just as much as you value them in return. So stop wasting your time on the people who don’t like you and find someone who not only likes you but adores you! (Again, with so many people who exist in this Universe, I am pretty sure that this person exists–trust me on this one)! 😉
Don’t Be So Outcome Dependent – Especially When You First Meet Someone – People tend to have way too many expectations when they are out in the dating world and as a result, end up terribly disappointed. Now I am not saying to not have high standards because of course you should set the bar high when you are looking for a life partner. What I am referring to are relationship expectations and imposing a dating agenda when you do not even know the person all too well or perhaps just met them. For example, women tend to discuss wanting a marriage and children after the first date or just a few dates. There is nothing wrong with wanting to manifest these specific things but to mention this to someone without establishing a deep connection first is incredibly premature and unnecessary. The same goes with men who go on dates and they might have a set number of dates in their minds that they are willing to go on before the woman is intimate with them. This again is the wrong approach. It is way better to have a go with the flow mentality and see where things go as opposed to assigning this dating agenda because every dating scenario is situational and you might not even like the person all too much to begin with. That is why it is important to take the time that is needed to build that spiritual connection first and establish that you both want a relationship before expecting intimacy, marriage, etc. You have to let things happen as it is supposed to play out and be patient with the process knowing that the outcome you are looking for is on its way. This is why there is no need to rush it or impose it on anyone because you will meet the right person when you are destined to do so!
Learn to Love Your Life With or Without Someone – I find that there are a lot of people in this world who can’t handle being single and literally are not happy unless they are in a relationship. To me, the underlying issue with this is that these are people who feel empty inside because they do not love their life and/or feel good enough so they rely on others to provide them with love, happiness, and validation in order to feel good about self. Think about it, if someone is happy with their own life, they can navigate and enjoy it without the help of others. This is a very good place to be in because this means that you can function independently and if you happen to meet someone whom you choose to develop a serious relationship with, it is an added bonus to your life but not a necessity because you already love your life!
It is still the first week in January within the new year and although I am sure you were expecting me to preach to all of you about how this is going to be your best year yet and how we need to start tracking our goals immediately–I actually have a totally different outlook when it comes to new year’s resolutions. It is quite common nowadays to hear the saying, “New year, same me” and I genuinely love that expression. The reason being that, even though it is a new year, guess what?I am still the same amazing individual I was a year ago and years prior who is continuing to conquer the world and crush my goals, one day at a time(*thank you very much*). While yes, I do think it is a good idea at the beginning of the new year for everyone to reassess life and determine what goals we want to achieve, the truth of the matter is–we should be doing this everyday regardless of what time of year it is. Life is all about making the right choices and I can honestly say that I CHOOSE to do this on a daily basis in terms of wanting to make life improvements and striving to live my very best life. The great news is, you too can make this same choice as well–and you absolutely should!
[On a final note as some people might need to hear this. Don’t forget how fabulous you already are today and that your life is only going to get better moving forward. I don’t care about what happened in your past–you need to keep your focus on your future. You are destined to receive life’s greatest gifts and in order to do so, you need to BELIEVE in what you deserve and from there, take the ACTION that is needed to make it all happen].
I am back from my blog vacation and wanted to delve back into blogging again in the new year. So on that note, welcome to my first blog of the new year and happy 2022! 🙂 I hope that everyone had a wonderful new year’s and if that meant hanging at home in pajamas, I am with you on that as I actually did the same thing–hey, there is nothing wrong with being comfortable and cozy! This is actually going to be a quick post because I want to start working on some real blog content soon.
For those of you who wonder where I get my ideas for this blog, the content can vary based upon things that I think about or even current events. In addition, I do like to write about what my readers enjoy reading most. If I receive a blog request, I do try to address it if I have an opinion on the subject matter–which often times I do. For example, I just reconnected with a friend (hi Sheryl if you are reading right now) and she asked if I could write more about dating topics which I will definitely address more as I actually love to write about this subject matter. This blog initially was going to be strictly about relationships and manifesting love; however, I did not want to limit myself to only writing about this topic as there are plenty of areas within self improvement that are unrelated to love.
So if anyone wants to share with me what they enjoy reading most, you can always reach out to me directly and I will be receptive to them and try to cover them at some point within my blog! As always, thanks for reading and allowing myself to influence others to live their very best lives, promote positivity, and to express my innermost thoughts with a wider audience. ❤
Today is the day before Christmas Eve and for all of those who celebrate Christmas, I wish everyone a healthy and happy holiday! I know with the recent spike of covid cases, Christmas might not be as traditional as planned but let’s all try to make the very most of it! Despite anything that’s going on within the world around us, there is still so much to be thankful for and now is an optimal time to feel a heightened sense of gratitude.
(As FYI–I will be taking a “blog vacation” for the first time next week and perhaps the week following. For one, it is my birthday next week on 12/28 and I’ll have the week off in which I’ll be away from my computer and have the opportunity to relax a bit. I will also be taking this time from now until the new year to spend with family, friends, and loved ones which I am looking extremely forward to. Thank you for tuning in and also a happy new year–I’ll be back in 2022)! 🙂
When you are a child and you are asked for what you want for Christmas, you think about it and make a concrete list of what you want Santa to bring you for being good for the year. You might not have always received exactly everything that you had on your list but I am sure that at the very least, you had gotten a few of the items that you had asked for. The same should go with when you are setting goals and manifesting your deepest desires. It really makes a difference to take the time to think about what it is that you want most and from there, to write them down or create a bucket list. When you physically write these down or track it in a way that allows for these goals to stay fresh within your mind, you’ll be amazed that over time, they actually do transpire.
It truly is a simple spiritual process: You ask and you shall receive. That does not mean that you just sit back and do nothing and everything that you want falls from the sky right into your lap. I think this is where people question the process and think to themselves, “I wrote it down and nothing happened.” A spiritually enriched individual does NOT think that way! For starters, they never lose hope or give up on what they want if they want something bad enough. Reason being is that they understand that all things and especially the worthwhile ones take time to manifest. They also understand that they actually need to put in the work and the effort if they want to receive such miraculous gifts or to achieve magnificent things.
Kids are never afraid to ask for what they want for Christmas and have no problem writing an abundant list of everything that they want. As adults, we should apply the same mentality of listing everything that we want within our lifetimes and essentially asking the Universe to provide it. Again, maybe not every single item is meant to arrive on Christmas day but just know that it is in the works and eventually you are going to fulfill all the things on that list of yours–yes, you can have it ALL and you will! 😉
During the holiday season, it is a great time to mail out holiday cards to your family, friends, and loved ones to show that you are thinking about them and that you care. I have noticed in recent years that people nowadays will mail printed cards that feature beautiful photos; however, the card is completely blank. There is no handwritten message and there is not even a handwritten signature. I don’t understand when it became socially acceptable to just mail a blank card to someone. That is like buying someone a beautiful birthday card and mailing it blank without a single inscription. The recipient would probably be confused as to why it was blank and even sent in the first place if there is nothing written in it.
The reason why I point this is out is that if you are going to take the time to mail someone a holiday card (or any card for that matter), the most important aspect of the card is the actual message! Even if you do not have much space to write a message, at the very least sign your name and address their name on it. The little details go a long way in my opinion. I rather someone save their stamp and not send me a holiday card if it is just going to be blank–just like everyone else’s.
Remember that a personal touch goes a long way and people will appreciate the card more for its content than how pretty the photos are or how sparkly and cool looking it appears. Now if you took the time to actually make a card yourself, this is another way of adding your own personal touch which never goes unnoticed. I understand that many people don’t have the time and creativity to execute a handmade card to their liking but usually the other person will like the thought that went into it. However, if you are not an artist, don’t worry about it! Again, I think the most important aspect of the card is to write a message, so be sure to not leave out that important detail if you are going to give someone a card because that message could really warm up someone’s heart and make their day. ❤