Category Archives: Self Perception

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

10 Ways to Boost Your Attraction Level That Are Unrelated to Your Physical Appearance

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When people think of someone who is attractive, the first thing that often comes to mind is basing their attraction level based on their physicality. While there is no denying that looks are a factor in determining a person’s attraction level, the truth of the matter is, that is not the only factor. That is why when I see a person go through drastic measures to change their looks (ex: plastic surgery), I feel that this person has a false sense of reality in thinking that their looks are everything while also seeing this as a sign of low esteem. I do not want to generalize and say that this applies to all individuals but oftentimes, you will find that these are the underlying internal issues. There is nothing wrong with caring about self care and one’s appearance. When it becomes an issue is when a person has unrealistic expectations and cannot accept both their flaws and assets. As I mentioned previously, there are so many attributes and characteristics that can make someone incredibly attractive that goes past what reflection is seen in the mirror. Although there are probably hundreds to thousands of attributes, I came up with a short list of 10 things that came to mind.

Setting Aspirations and Goals – While most people might not place a ton of emphasis on goal setting, I find people who are goal oriented to be extremely attractive. It is more attractive to me to see someone investing their money and energy into their goals as opposed to their vanity aka their physical appearance. People who like to set goals tend to be self motivated, disciplined, and ambitious which are all extremely desirable and attractive qualities to have.

Possessing Healthy Habits – By possessing healthy habits, that does not just refer to health and exercise habits, it can apply to having any healthy habit that is beneficial to one’s soul and well being such as great sleep habits, work habits, etc. It is attractive to meet people who have good habits in general because they could be a good influence on yourself to develop better habits as well.

Pursuing Your Passions and Hobbies – It is refreshing to meet people who have defined passions and hobbies in life because it makes them more interesting. When people do not have passions, it can make the individual rather boring and unattractive.

Having a Fulfilling Career – I specifically mentioned a “fulfilling” career because this will ensure a higher level of happiness and personal fulfillment which ultimately is more meaningful in the long run. When someone has a career that they love and are good at, that is attractive. Usually with a fulfilling career comes both success and money which are all attractive things associated with a rewarding career path.

Being Genuine and Authentic – Authenticity is attractive because that means that what you see is what you get. The person knows how to be genuine and authentic which also shows that this person does not feel the need to be fake or to act like someone they are not. More people should adapt this quality not only to develop a stronger sense of self but also to enhance their attractiveness.

Reaching Financial Stability and Independence – I did not specifically use the word “rich” because it should not be about how much money someone has but their ability to be responsible with it and have complete financial independence. It is unattractive meeting someone with a significant amount of debt and/or money problems because this shows a lack of discipline and poor money decisions.

Having Similar Interests – As they say, “birds of a feather flock together” which would explain why it might feel natural to find someone with similar interests to be attractive. I believe sharing interests can bring people together whether that is a friendship or a personal relationship which is why having similar interests can be very attractive.

A Great Sense of Humor – There is no doubt that having a good sense of humor can add to one’s attraction level. When someone has the ability to make others laugh, it makes people feel good and happy. This is definitely a positive attribute and one that many people tend to value.

High Emotional Intelligence – While many would say that intelligence is attractive, there are so many different ways to define a person’s intelligence. Although book intelligence is seen as attractive and I am not taking away from this, I would say emotional intelligence is even more attractive. People with a strong emotional intelligence understand a person’s feelings and know how to connect on an emotional level. This is attractive because it’s easier to build a bond with someone who is emotional intelligent.

Believing in Self and Having Confidence – Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. The reason being is that self confidence propels people to succeed and progress in life because of their strong belief in their abilities along with setting higher standards because they know they deserve the very best. People with a true inner confidence do not need to strictly rely on their physical appearance in order to feel good about themselves and dig deeper beneath the surface to find things that increase their confidence levels.

The Importance of Turning Burdens Into Blessings – Life Is About Staying Positive and Personal Growth

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I just randomly stumbled upon this saying, “turn burdens into blessings” and although this might sound cliché to some, it was actually the first time that I read this and I could not agree more with this statement which was why I wanted to touch upon it within my blog. Although we cannot always control the highs and the lows that life throws our way, the truth of the matter is that we can choose the way in which we navigate our emotional response in regards to what happens to us in our lifetimes. For example, while one might get very upset over a breakup (which FYI is normal and justified)–another person might look at this “burden” as a “blessing” where they feel liberated to start fresh or maybe take that time to focus on self development. My point is, whatever it is that you perceive as negative, it can very well be translated into something POSITIVE. For all you know, it can open the door to a better opportunity later in time or be a necessary experience that will set you up for something even better. Seriously! I know it is easy for someone to say, “Everything is going to be okay” when you feel miserable and you are entitled to feel sadness, frustration, or negative thoughts from time to time but it is important to look at the bigger picture and to pick yourself back up and shift your mind into a positive one. I truly believe that facing adversity and challenges from time to time are what actually contributes most to our own personal growth. If things were great at all times, people would never pick up any spiritual lessons and life would remain rather stagnant with no motivation to make things better.

Also remember that the people who on the surface you might perceive to have a better life than yours or perhaps have been born into better circumstances than yourself might face their own unique set of challenges and problems that you are not aware of. No one’s life is perfect so it is important to continue to focus on your own personal path and develop your own coping mechanisms when you are faced with a challenge. At the end of the day, it is up to you to build the inner strength that you have the mental capacity to overcome anything because guess what–you can and you will as long as you have the positive mindset to back that belief up! 😉

Learn To Love the Body You Are Born With

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While there are societal pressures to look a certain way or to have the “perfect” body, realistically, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect body. What one might perceive as perfect might vary from another person’s definition of perfect so we should not care so much about what other people think and focus more on how we perceive ourselves. If you learn to love your body, it will build your confidence levels and help in developing an overall positive body image. Aside from visual aesthetics, everyone should proactively opt to live a healthy lifestyle which means incorporating a healthy diet along with daily exercise. There are endless benefits when you take the time to take care of yourself and this most certainly includes taking care of your body.

It makes me sad when I see people go through extreme measures to look a certain way or to feel good about their bodies when people should genuinely be grateful for and embrace the body they were born with. It is natural to find flaws but it should be just as natural to look for one’s own personal assets because everyone is born with something to be proud of. It is what makes us unique as individuals and we are all born with our own special set of DNA. We should not feel pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards which oftentimes is an illusion and/or try to look like someone else. While I understand that some might find the need to turn to plastic surgery in order to make the changes to feel good inside, some of these procedures can be dangerous to one’s health over time and do not really fix the inner problem which comes down to a self esteem issue. Before making any dramatic decisions in regards to one’s appearance, it is much better in the long run to work on the INTERNAL issues by working on building self esteem that can be generated by things other than one’s outer appearance such as expanding a career, starting a new hobby, and/or pursuing new goals that can bring success, happiness, and personal growth in life.

You Can Be Both Smart AND Beautiful – You Can Actually Be ANYTHING

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Sometimes you hear people say that people can either be intelligent or attractive but why can’t people CHOOSE to be both? I emphasize the word “choose” because it is up to us as individuals to determine what our best qualities are. Even if other people might not perceive you to be a certain way, what ultimately matters most is how you perceive yourself. For example, you might not be someone’s type look wise but does that mean that you are not attractive? Absolutely NOT! Of course you are! The key is to train your mindset to truly believe that you are! 😉 Remember that your thoughts do become things so if you believe that you are a certain way, then you will possess these qualities because your mind determined that they are indeed factual. This goes for intelligence and pretty much any desirable quality that is out there. Just because someone doesn’t classify you a certain way, that should not be an indicator of your authentic being.

When prevents people from being the best version of themselves is a weak mindset paired with a lack of confidence. If you recognize that you do not think very highly of yourself, the good news is that there are ways to change that and like most things in life, it is never too late to start! The best way to change your outlook is to create positive affirmations for yourself. These can be written down on index cards and read aloud as a reminder. This might sound like a silly thing to do but that is how manifestation works is by repetition and a strong focus on a desired outcome. It is amazing that when you are consistent and persistent, the internal work that you put into your self development actually transforms into a reality. Ultimately you can be ANYTHING that you want to be as long as you are in control of your mind and you are always striving to be the best that you can be! 🙂

How to Love Your Self Image – 3 Things You Can Do to Love Yourself the Way You Are

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It is natural to care about your looks and your outward appearance. I think this can be a good thing as long as you also possess a healthy mindset to match your positive self image. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a negative perception of self which would allow for them to go through extreme measures to “look good.” For example, both women and men get fixated on certain things that might not be within their control such as their height, facial features, and body composition. Personally, it is mind blowing to me that people would want to get surgeries to totally change their face or change parts of their body that take away from their natural born identity. I am not saying that to put down anyone who has made that choice because to each their own and whatever makes someone feel happy about self; however, the majority of the time, I just do not think it is necessary. Think about it, no one should feel the need to take a drastic approach in altering themselves physically–especially if it is unsafe and can cause potential health risks down the line in order to look and feel good. So what can be done to love your self image that won’t require a major transformation?

Focus on Your Best Features – It is very easy for people to focus on what they lack but it is most important to shift that focus onto what one already does have. I believe everyone has attractive attributes and what you perceive as unattractive can actually be a complete turn on to someone else. Rather than comparing self to others and trying to fit into a mold of what society’s definition of “beauty” is, it is best to work with what you were born with and to maximize what you already have. Trust me, EVERYONE has something attractive about themselves if they choose to recognize it and fixate on it rather than thinking about what they do not like or what they think is “missing.”

Develop Your Own Unique Sense of Style – You do not need to be the most naturally good looking person in the world to have a great sense of style. This is also something that can change and evolve over time. Areas of style can include your choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, jewelry, accessories, etc. Everyone has the potential to be stylish or at the very least develop a style that works for you and enhances your best features. While it is helpful to keep an eye out on the latest trends, remember that trends come and go so it is better to determine your very own individual style that is true to yourself.

Work on Building Self Love From the Inside Out – It is important to realize that looks are not everything. Having a beautiful exterior does not mean much if a person has low self esteem and has an endless amount of internal issues. Sometimes the most generically attractive people in the world have the most problems and feel the worst about themselves. This leads me to my final point that it is essential to always be working on self development and to find ways to increase confidence on the inside as opposed to just putting all your energy into feeling good on the outside. When you genuinely feel great about yourself, it truly does radiate from the inside out which should always be the end goal.

Failed Relationships Don’t Make You A Failure

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With the end of any relationship, there can be a mix of emotions ranging from deep sadness to loneliness to emotional grief. No matter who initiated the breakup, I would say that most people usually feel down afterwards and that it is common for people to feel like a failure after any serious relationship or marriage ends. Although many people go into a relationship with their best intentions and the hopes for a long term future, it is inevitable that not all relationships are built to last forever and guess what–that’s OKAY!!! It is okay to break up a relationship if there wasn’t enough compatibility or if you grew apart or if you found yourself extremely unhappy with your partner. Whatever the case may be or whatever caused the relationship to end, it is important to remember that a failed relationship does not define you and that you should never feel like a failure because of it. It is up to you to keep your mind strong and let the time that is needed to heal so you can move on. By move on, that can mean different things to different people. For some, that might mean working on self and living an independent life. For others, that could mean finding the right life partner or companion at a later time in life. Everyone’s life journey is different and hence navigating life after a breakup is going to vary depending on one’s personal situation.

While coping with the breakup, rather than seeing it as wasted time or feeling like a failure, you have to look at the important life lessons you gained from it and utilize these lessons to shape you for a better future. From a spiritual standpoint, don’t question why you went through what you went through. Instead, recognize that the outcome all happened for a reason and that it ultimately had to happen to lead to the greater good of your life–which you have not even experienced yet. I truly believe that you have to go through some hardships at times to set yourself up for a better path. This is a gentle reminder that life cannot only consist of rainbows and happiness at all times. We all need to “fail” in order to succeed and this same basic principle applies to your personal relationships. While some relationships were destined to end, that doesn’t mean that you should give up on dating altogether or that you will continue to attract dead end relationships. Your mindset just needs to shift into a more positive one along with trusting that you will be okay and without a hint of doubt know that better things are on the horizon. ❤

Why Self Love is Always More Valuable Than Social Validation

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We live in a world today that is often measured by the amount of “likes” and followers we receive on social media platforms. It is hard to always know the motive behind why people post what they do but I would like to genuinely believe there are people who like to post things on their social media to stay connected, share interesting aspects of their lives, promote good causes, relate to others, and/or create a positive digital space for others to be a part of. However, there is no denying that many people post things to receive validation from others to feel better about themselves. I want to start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving validation and obtaining positive feedback from others. I believe that people should be putting more good energy into the world so if that means loving a photo or posting a nice comment, I am all for that. However, I am NOT for people heavily relying on social validation to determine their self worth, feel accepted by others, and/or as their main source of self confidence.

Rather than focus on who’s liking what on social media or the amount of little hearts that are received on a post, everyone should take the time to really dig deep and examine what creates one’s own sense of inner happiness and how to generate self love. At the end of the day, you will always have YOU–and that’s what counts most. You do not need to rely on the validation of others when you love yourself. There is no need to obsess over what others are thinking about you all the time because who cares what they think? The focus should be on building yourself up on your very own and not seeking people to constantly validate you in order to feel good, important, or of value. Do not let social media or anyone determine your self worth. Do not fall into a habit of short changing yourself as you need to focus on elevating yourself with self love above anything else. You have to remember–you are your biggest asset. (When you love yourself, that’s a given)!

Change Your Narrative to Change the Outcome – How to Shift a Negative Narrative Into a Positive One

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Life is very much about achieving your best possible outcome, typically within the most dominant areas of your life such as your career, relationships, health, and financial future. What you might not think much about is how you control your personal narrative which ultimately impacts the overall outcome. Which leads me to the question: Are you consciously aware of how you are setting up your life path?

Sometimes you will come across someone (or perhaps this might describe you) who hold onto such a heavy amount of negativity which sadly deteriorates the narrative. What’s the outcome? As one could predict, not a positive one.

“I never went to college, so I will never be successful.”

“I have a learning disability, so I already am at a disadvantage in life.”

“I’m not physically attractive, nobody wants to be with me.”

“I am too old now, I am not desirable enough to get married.”

“I can barely pay my bills, I will never be able to purchase a house.”

It is normal from time to time to go through moments of doubt; however, this should never be the primary focus in your mind and determine the final destination within your life. So let’s change the narrative a bit…

“I don’t need to go to college to be a successful individual. I have other skills and talents that will guarantee me happiness, wealth, AND success.”

“A learning disability does not define who I am nor limit what life has to offer me. I can achieve what I want like anyone else can.”

“I love my self image and am physically attractive to the people who know a good thing when they see it.”

“Age does not dictate when I find love or when marriage is right for me. I am destined to get married to the love of my life in my future.”

“Each and every day, I am working towards buying my dream house.”

Do you see the radical difference? It is amazing what a simple shift can do to uplift your spirits and get you on the right track. Of course there are going to be instances in life where you might project a positive mindset and narrative in how you want your life to pan out and it does not go as planned. This is not an excuse for you to give up or cloud your mind with negative thoughts so do not ever allow this to be an option!

In order to make the positive change on your personal narrative, here are some things to consider:

– Actually take the time to think about what you want most and the positive things that you would like to attract. Many people live day by day but are not thinking much about their future. Once you determine what you want, do not focus on the limiting factors that could be preventing you from achieving what you want–instead you need to work with what you already have and take the action steps that are required of you to manifest what you want most.

– If it does not come natural for you to think positively, actually take the time to write positive affirmations that apply to you AND read them daily. Ideally this can be done before bed and when you wake up so they can transfer within your subconscious mind over time. This simple practice is more helpful than you realize and best of all, it is never too late in life to get started.

– As important as it to create a [positive] life narrative, you actually NEED to believe in your narrative! If you are not at a place where you believe what you want to achieve, then this just means you need to work on yourself. FYI, this is something we all should be doing on a regular basis–creating our best version of self. When we actually become our best version of self, with that comes self love and positivity which will allow you to naturally attract everything you want because of your strong belief you can have it all. 🙂

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

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In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.