Category Archives: Self Perception

Why Self Love is Always More Valuable Than Social Validation

We live in a world today that is often measured by the amount of “likes” and followers we receive on social media platforms. It is hard to always know the motive behind why people post what they do but I would like to genuinely believe there are people who like to post things on their social media to stay connected, share interesting aspects of their lives, promote good causes, relate to others, and/or create a positive digital space for others to be a part of. However, there is no denying that many people post things to receive validation from others to feel better about themselves. I want to start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving validation and obtaining positive feedback from others. I believe that people should be putting more good energy into the world so if that means loving a photo or posting a nice comment, I am all for that. However, I am NOT for people heavily relying on social validation to determine their self worth, feel accepted by others, and/or as their main source of self confidence.

Rather than focus on who’s liking what on social media or the amount of little hearts that are received on a post, everyone should take the time to really dig deep and examine what creates one’s own sense of inner happiness and how to generate self love. At the end of the day, you will always have YOU–and that’s what counts most. You do not need to rely on the validation of others when you love yourself. There is no need to obsess over what others are thinking about you all the time because who cares what they think? The focus should be on building yourself up on your very own and not seeking people to constantly validate you in order to feel good, important, or of value. Do not let social media or anyone determine your self worth. Do not fall into a habit of short changing yourself as you need to focus on elevating yourself with self love above anything else. You have to remember–you are your biggest asset. (When you love yourself, that’s a given)!

Change Your Narrative to Change the Outcome – How to Shift a Negative Narrative Into a Positive One

Life is very much about achieving your best possible outcome, typically within the most dominant areas of your life such as your career, relationships, health, and financial future. What you might not think much about is how you control your personal narrative which ultimately impacts the overall outcome. Which leads me to the question: Are you consciously aware of how you are setting up your life path?

Sometimes you will come across someone (or perhaps this might describe you) who hold onto such a heavy amount of negativity which sadly deteriorates the narrative. What’s the outcome? As one could predict, not a positive one.

“I never went to college, so I will never be successful.”

“I have a learning disability, so I already am at a disadvantage in life.”

“I’m not physically attractive, nobody wants to be with me.”

“I am too old now, I am not desirable enough to get married.”

“I can barely pay my bills, I will never be able to purchase a house.”

It is normal from time to time to go through moments of doubt; however, this should never be the primary focus in your mind and determine the final destination within your life. So let’s change the narrative a bit…

“I don’t need to go to college to be a successful individual. I have other skills and talents that will guarantee me happiness, wealth, AND success.”

“A learning disability does not define who I am nor limit what life has to offer me. I can achieve what I want like anyone else can.”

“I love my self image and am physically attractive to the people who know a good thing when they see it.”

“Age does not dictate when I find love or when marriage is right for me. I am destined to get married to the love of my life in my future.”

“Each and every day, I am working towards buying my dream house.”

Do you see the radical difference? It is amazing what a simple shift can do to uplift your spirits and get you on the right track. Of course there are going to be instances in life where you might project a positive mindset and narrative in how you want your life to pan out and it does not go as planned. This is not an excuse for you to give up or cloud your mind with negative thoughts so do not ever allow this to be an option!


In order to make the positive change on your personal narrative, here are some things to consider:

– Actually take the time to think about what you want most and the positive things that you would like to attract. Many people live day by day but are not thinking much about their future. Once you determine what you want, do not focus on the limiting factors that could be preventing you from achieving what you want–instead you need to work with what you already have and take the action steps that are required of you to manifest what you want most.

– If it does not come natural for you to think positively, actually take the time to write positive affirmations that apply to you AND read them daily. Ideally this can be done before bed and when you wake up so they can transfer within your subconscious mind over time. This simple practice is more helpful than you realize and best of all, it is never too late in life to get started.

As important as it to create a [positive] life narrative, you actually NEED to believe in your narrative! If you are not at a place where you believe what you want to achieve, then this just means you need to work on yourself. FYI, this is something we all should be doing on a regular basis–creating our best version of self. When we actually become our best version of self, with that comes self love and positivity which will allow you to naturally attract everything you want because of your strong belief you can have it all. ๐Ÿ™‚

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.

Authenticity is More Valuable Than Perfection

I am sure you can recall a time in your life where striving for perfection was your ultimate goal. It can be in school where you were studying to get a perfect grade on an exam or any type of game where you were trying to get a perfect score. I will never say that you should abandon these goals or that it is a waste of energy to want to put in the effort to obtain perfection; however, I think that authenticity holds more value and should be the greater goal in life. By being authentic, that means you have the capacity to acknowledge your strengths but also acknowledge your weaknesses. We as people are simply NOT going to be perfect at everything we pursue or try out so rather than stressing ourselves to be perfect at most things or at all times, we just need to fully accept ourselves for what we do have to offer in this world (and trust me, everybody has something positive to offer ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

I not only believe that people are more drawn to authentic people but that having authenticity will lead to greater success in life because there is a higher focus on what makes you who you are while also adding dimension to your personality which definitely makes you more attractive both on a professional and personal level.

Looking at the life I created for myself, I will have to admit that there have been many instances in which I wanted to be perfect at something but at the end of the day, being authentic was really more of an overpowering force that lead me to make the right life decisions rather than chasing an unrealistic expectation. Rewinding back to my days at college, going to college was not only an opportunity for me to find myself as it is for most young adults but it gave me the reality check I needed: I did not belong in college. Now I know you might be thinking, “Well you still graduated with a degree, right?” The answer might be yes but going to college made me realize I was not built for it. I could study for hours for an exam and still not receive an A. I could put my absolute best effort and still fall short. I was forced to take all these courses unrelated to my major that I could care less about. Often times I question how I even got through college but the simple answer to this is this: Free Electives. Every free elective I possibly had the opportunity to take a subject of my own free choice, I opted for an Art class. I almost picked it up as a minor but figured Sociology as a minor paired up rather nicely with Psychology. It was not until college that I learned very quickly that my strength was NOT studying and cramming information that I could barely store for a single exam but that my true strength was my ability to create and thrive in an atmosphere where I could be in a constant state of creation. Even though I was content with my final choice of Psychology as my major (I entered my freshman year undeclared but knew it was going to be Psychology or Secondary Education), I remember midway through my Sophomore year of college making the firm decision that graduate school was just not in the cards for me. Coming from a family where education was prized and my parents set the bar that graduate school was the bare minimum, I thought I would take the same road as them and continue my studies after being an undergraduate. At that time, I did not know what my future was going to hold upon graduation if I was not going to continue school until the day before my senior year of college I made a bold decision to check out a makeup artistry school in NYC by myself. I always liked the idea of being a makeup artist but never really thought I would take the time to examine this as a career option. Stepping foot into the makeup school was all the assurance I needed to know that this was not only going to be my destiny but that it would also allow for me to be my authentic self even if that meant it was not the most socially acceptable choice. I could have settled for the “safer” path of continuing my academic studies and trying to strive for a perfection (while stressing myself in the process) that just never would have existed. I chose to be authentic which I personally find to be more valuable of an asset and one that I encourage other people to choose to be. As a result, it lead me to a successful career that I genuinely love now as much as I did as I was learning my craft and most importantly, I fully accept myself. I recognize what I am good at while also knowing what did not work for me and there is nothing wrong with that. Again, we cannot be perfect at everything but we surely can be as authentic as possible! ๐Ÿ™‚

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Red Table Talk – Thoughts on Her “Entanglement” and What to Do if You Find Yourself in the Same Situation

When it comes to celebrity gossip, sometimes it grabs my attention but often times I do not know what is going on unless it makes some sort of headline news. For whatever reason, I kept seeing headlines regarding the relationship status of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith within the past 48 hours which lead me to do a little of my own research and find out what this whole “Red Table Talk” of theirs was all about. I could not tell you much about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith other than I know they have been married since the 90’s and seemed to be going strong although based on the recent headlines, I found out otherwise. More specifically, years ago she had an affair with August Alsina who is a singer and happens to be a friend of their son. The truth of the matter is, things might appear great on the surface but you truly do not ever know what goes on behind closed doors. Their relationship has proven to be an epic example of this. I realize their business is no one’s business but at the same time, they came out publicly and recorded their conversation to let people know what was going on between them. This leaves room to analyze the situation in which I will point out some things I picked up from what I watched. Again, I do not know all the details of their relationship and of course many details are kept private but I can at the very least make some observations of what I did learn from their recent discussion on Jada’s Red Table Talk which is a podcast you can find on Facebook.

The reason I find that this is worth bringing to the table (in this case written about in my blog) is because I would not categorize this as “Oh this only happens in celebrity relationships.” Whether in a stage of separation or not, basically an affair occurred and this unfortunately is quite common within personal relationships and even more sadly within marriages. I will point out some things that stood out to me from their public discussion and then share how I would handle the same situation.

Some quotes from Jada Pinkett Smith:

“I got into a different kind of entanglement with August.” – I am sorry but is “entanglement” a code word in 2020 for affair or relationship or just what exactly? That in and of itself is distasteful to me because we are adults here. Can we just call a spade a spade and just simply be straightforward and say, “I had an affair with August?” I do not understand why she cannot be more upfront and just say this out loud. Funny enough, Will Smith tries to call her out on that term and she still uses it!

“I just wanted to feel good.” – Jada justifies her actions for wanting to feel good. I understand if there is any type of friction or hardship in your current relationship/marriage, then you are going to rely on other sources for providing you that happiness or a “feel good” feeling. However, starting essentially a new relationship or as she labeled it a “friendship” with someone of the opposite sex is just a recipe for disaster on many levels. I am sure it started out innocently but the problem is it allowed her to get too vulnerable which later lead to an affair. By that, I mean both emotional and physical cheating, just to put all the facts on the table.

“I learned so much about myself.” – Jada makes this statement but does not really elaborate on what exactly she learned about herself and more importantly, their relationship. If someone told me they cheated and then followed it with, “I learned so much about myself” — it is like, “Oh okay, that is nice you learned more about yourself but do you care about how that impacts our relationship?” Which leads me to the point that I have a major issue with the fact that NOT ONCE did she ever take ownership for her actions or apologize for the mistakes she has made along the way (aka having an affair). This shows to me a lack of empathy which is a huge red flag because that means she is unaware of how her actions affect other people and in this case her husband.

“One of the things that I am deeply grateful for between you and I is that we really have gotten to that place of unconditional love.” – I would not say this is “unconditional love.” Maybe on Will’s end because despite everything that has happened, he is willing to stay and make it work. (To be honest, I do not even think I could call this unconditional love but rather a lack of love towards himself which I will further explain later). For Jada, I do not think her actions have really proven that she has an unconditional love towards her husband. I would say a lack of respect towards him and their marriage, yes. Perhaps if she made some type of an apology or had any hint of remorse, I could reconsider my viewpoint but that was not the case based on what she said publicly.

Okay so now what? What to do if you are in a similar situation? If it were me:

Personally, my perception of self tells me that I deserve the very best, I have a lot to offer to the right person, and I am a hot commodity (lol I know that might come off a smidge conceited but when I say that, I am just saying that I can attract someone new if I really wanted to). So if within a committed relationship, a person is betraying my trust, not empathetic towards my feelings, and has no respect for their relationship with me, how is it possible for me to stay with that person? For one, that is not what I define as a commitment. Furthermore, it is in COMPLETE contradiction of my perception of self and what I want to attract in my life. A guy having a sidepiece (temporary or not) in addition to me? THAT IS A HUGE HELL NO!!! I am all or nothing with most things in life, especially my relationships. If someone cannot provide me their all, then I want nothing.

At the end of the day, I love myself greater than anyone I could ever choose to be with. I generate my own personal happiness with or without someone. People need to get in that place with themselves where they are completely in acceptance and love with self and their life. That is not an easy place to get to for most people but like anything in life, you work on it! You work on bettering yourself, you work on focusing on what brings you true happiness, and you work towards your life goals.

Walking away is never easy, especially when a good length of time is invested (in their case, 25 years)! However, when you love yourself and know what your self worth is, it is a rather easy decision to want to move on. By settling, you are settling on mediocrity and that just doesn’t cut it for me. I strive for excellence, not mediocrity. If you set the bar high, you will not be in a place of settling for anything less than what you authentically desire.

Although time can heal most situations and so can therapy, I do not think I could really fully recover from someone cheating on me and have any inclination to “make it work” with that person. Those actions cannot be taken back and the emotional pain endured just does not make it worth it for me to stick around. I could maybe keep things cordial but ultimately, the final decision would be to let the person go and create a brighter future for myself.

Know Gold When You See It and You Will Never Have a Missed Opportunity Again

I want to start off by saying, there are an abundance of opportunities in this world. Yep, you heard me, abundance. Repeat that to yourself if you do not already have that concept in your frame of mind right now. I don’t care what we are talking about whether it is a professional opportunity or a personal one, the Universe is constantly providing you opportunities whether you are proactively looking for them or not. There are times when an opportunity can come knocking on your door when you least expect it in which you might feel a sense of good luck. Then why do so many people face missed opportunities or have regrets about not taking an opportunity that was presented to them?

I truly believe the majority of the time, there is no excuse for a missed opportunity. In other words, there is no reason to have them and if you missed one, then that ship often has sailed so you need to move on to the next golden opportunity that awaits you (remember, there are plenty so do not get bent if one just went sailing by). If you “missed an opportunity,” then it could be for quite a number of reasons. I’ll list a few that I can think of off the top of my head right now but of course this is just a general list:

Causes of a Missed Opportunities:

– You did not want it bad enough.
– You were too slow to act on it.
– You had too many opportunities on hand and missed the one you actually wanted.
– You realized after it was too late.
– You simply want what you can not or no longer have.

So what is the solution to all of this? How can you prevent yourself from experiencing another missed opportunity? This leads me to a saying that I came up with years ago and that I love sharing with others as it applies to this context as an immediate solution: “You have to know gold when you see it. In other words, you have to know a good opportunity when you see it and go for it immediately. You cannot just let it pass you by or think too hard on it because depending on what it is, it can easily be taken by someone else or never present itself again. If you were to see a piece of gold appear on the ground right before your eyes, without hesitation, you would go grab it immediately, wouldn’t you? You *know* what gold looks like upon seeing it so you acted on it right away without skipping a beat. There was no way it was going to become a missed opportunity or go over your head because without question, you know that gold is valuable.

Now I want to point out that if we are talking about a job, you might have been provided with the opportunity to apply but not always get the job. Yes, that is a missed opportunity that might not fully have been in your control; however, it was never 100% a guaranteed opportunity supplied to you to begin with. I am referring to opportunities that were 100% given to you and within your control but became a missed opportunity–whatever the cause may be.

I want you to also think about my saying within this context: If YOU gave someone an opportunity and the person did NOT take it and essentially rejected it, do not offer it again and walk away. The opportunity should completely be off the table now.

Why? Note to yourself: You are gold. You are high value. If someone fails to see your worth and what you bring to the table, the person is not deserving of you or what you have to offer to begin with. It could be a job setting, dating situation, or just about anything in which you essentially served as the opportunity but got denied or overlooked. There is no need for hard feelings over the matter–you are still gold at the end of the day, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Psychology of Unmet Needs and How it Affects Your Love Life

When it comes to love, there are many contributions as to what attracts you to one person over someone else. Partially these choices are made on a conscious level, a set of criteria that is more concrete such as wanting to be with someone with a certain level of education or religious background. These are conscious selections and essentially dating preferences that are of importance to you. However, even more of your love life is determined on a subconscious level in which it is not something you can really control unless you really examine your childhood and your past including past relationships. This leads me to the concept of “psychology of unmet needs.” I would describe this term as a psychological need(s) that holds value to you but has never been obtained before or it was and might have been taken away at some point of your life which has lead to you longing to fulfill it again in some way.

The psychology of unmet needs can overlap into many areas of your life but it can especially relate to your dating life and would explain why you gravitate towards a certain person or fall into a pattern of being attracted to the same types of people in your lifetime. I will provide a few examples to further illustrate this.

Examining a Person’s Childhood – No one comes from a perfect childhood so if you really examine it, you can discover a person’s unmet needs and as a result, knowing this will help you better understand what they are looking for within a relationship to compensate or make up for what was missing.

Example #1: If a girl grew up in a household that was very unstable and included some financial insecurities, chances are she will either become very motivated to become rich or she will desperately be seeking a partner who will be an exceptionally good provider and have a career that will ensure financial wealth. Typically, anyone who suffers from a lack of resources (basic necessities such as food or shelter) or has severe money problems (incapability to pay bills on time or keeping a steady job) will naturally be drawn to someone who has established wealth or is on the path of becoming very rich to compensate for this lack of financial stability. Many people like to stereotype all women as “gold diggers” but the truth of the matter is, if a woman grew up with resources where all her basic needs were met and/or she has her own successful career without ever facing any real money problems, she is not going to be as likely to be looking for a man to provide for her because it was never an unmet need of hers to begin with.

Example #2: Let’s say a boy grew up not feeling very good about himself and suffered from confidence issues due his perceived physical unattractiveness, his inability to receive validation from women, and neglect from his own parents. This is a pretty lengthy list of psychological unmet needs but by knowing all this, it makes it rather clear what he will most likely be seeking when he is looking for a potential mate. For starters, this is definitely the type of guy who is most inclined to be in search of a “trophy wife.” Due to his perceived physical unattractiveness (I say “perceived” because physical attractiveness is heavily influenced by one’s own perception of it), he will most likely develop a stronger need to find a woman that is very physically attractive and perhaps one who attracts a lot of attention from the outside world (remember–he never received enough attention growing up). This would further explain why he is more attracted to a “flashy” woman as opposed to a girl-next-door type because if he is associated with a girl who provokes much attention, then as a result, he will gain more attention and validation simply by dating her. He will also be most attracted to a woman who exudes a ton of confidence because he never felt confident in his youth. By being with a confident woman, he can ultimately elevate his own confidence level and this will make him feel even better about himself.

Talking About Past Relationships – It is healthy and normal to discuss reasons why a past relationship did not work out and you can usually find out the answer by directly asking someone. However, not everyone is as open about their past while others tend to hold things very close to their heart without disclosing too much of that information. In other words, the person can just be more private in nature or simply not want to talk about it openly in the event it was too painful or negative of an experience. If the direct approach does not work, then there is still an indirect way of still getting a sense as to why a past relationship did not work out.

Instead of straight up asking someone why their last relationship ended, by asking the person what qualities they are looking for when in a relationship, pay close attention to the given response because I guarantee you, some of the things mentioned as a necessity stems from a psychological unmet need from one of their past relationships. By reading between the lines, you can easily figure out what was missing from their last relationship just by asking what they are currently looking for.

Example #1: A guy has been dating a girl for a few weeks and the subject of past relationships comes up in conversation. He asks why her last relationship did not work out (direct approach). He finds out that her last boyfriend was not only selfish but that it was very much a one sided relationship. He never wanted to do the activities she wanted, he did not go out of his way to do things to make her happy, and everything had to be done his way without any compromises. The psychological unmet need was a healthy balance and equality within a relationship along with someone who possesses a caring disposition. In the future, this girl will most likely gravitate towards someone who will nurture and pamper her to make up for all the times she was not taken care of by her ex-boyfriend. This is very helpful information for the current guy as he does not want to make the same mistakes and will take the extra time to cater to her needs so that he can continue to date the girl and it will hopefully progress into a successful long term relationship.

Example #2: Often times during a first date, no one typically broaches the subject of past relationships as that is not always a pleasant topic and the initial conversations are usually more casual. Towards the end of a date, a girl asks what qualities are most important in a relationship (indirect approach). The guy’s response is heavily focused on the theme of trust and how he values that more than anything in a relationship. He begins his response by stating, “That is an easy answer: Trust. For me, if I can’t be with a girl I trust and I have to worry about what she is doing when she’s not around or she lies about both petty things and even more serious things, it just isn’t worth it in the long run. I do not believe anyone should have to go through a relationship having to question things all the time.” Translation: I have had a dating history where I could not trust a woman (and/or women) in my past because I had been lied to on multiple occasions and I often was left to wonder about a woman’s whereabouts or who she was with whenever we were apart. Think about it, it goes without saying that there needs to be trust in a healthy relationship between two people. If this guy is flat out explaining specific examples as to why “no one should have to go through this,” chances are because he personally has had to put up with this and he does not want to anymore moving forward. He does not specify cheating at all but it is possible he was also cheated on previously because often times people who were cheated on in their past have a stronger need for trust in their future relationships. Therefore, the psychological unmet need was trust and since it was unfilled, there is a much higher need for it versus someone who never experienced trust issues with someone in their past.

Taking the time to truly understand a person’s psychological unmet needs when pursuing a relationship is extremely beneficial in not only understanding the person better and creating a strong bond to each other but also as a way of gauging whether or not you are a good match for the future.

Embracing Your Racial Identity When You are Born Biracial

According to my mother, the moment I was born, my mother’s side of the family looked at me and said I looked more Caucasian. Then my father’s side of the family looked at me for the first time and stated I looked more Asian. Despite their opposite perceptions, both are correct because I very well was born with two races.

Growing up, I did not “feel” very different even though I grew up in an area where no one like myself existed. My dad revealed to me during my young adult life that he actually had strong hesitations about having children because he knew that would mean I would be mixed and he feared that I would be bullied or as he words it, “tormented” during my childhood and essentially suffer from some sort of racial identity crisis. Luckily, I never had to experience either of his concerns but instead, I grew up feeling like I won the genetic jackpot where I reap the benefits of both worlds combined into one and that I get a rare opportunity to live my existence with not one but two races. Sounds like a great deal if you ask me (thanks mom and dad). I was also raised to believe that the more unique you are, the more valuable you are. Therefore, my perception of self growing up was always positive because I believed being different = being cool.

At the same time, growing up mixed can have its challenges as I find the few biracial people I have ever encountered or read about has had their very own individualized experiences growing up with a multiracial background that not everyone can relate to. Although personal life occurrences can differ from person to person and the racial mix can vary, I do know that every multiracial individual can relate to these exact experiences:

  • When you are given an important document and asked to check off the box for your race and “cultural enigma” isn’t an option, what box does a person with more than one race actually check off? When I am given the option to check off more than one, then that is an easy answer: I check off both Asian and Caucasian. When I am asked to only check off one, then I check off, “Other” because at the end of the day, I consider myself “other” because I do not identify with one race over the other as I was born with two. When “other” is NOT an option, then I am left quite unsure myself of the “correct” answer. (*Pondering to self* Hmm, why isn’t there a “None of the above” for this question since I do not know how I am supposed to only choose one?) Thankfully it is more widely accepted that there can be more than one answer checked off and I cannot think of the last time that this happened but there have been instances where I encountered “other” was NOT an option nor did I have the option to choose more than one.
  • The most commonly asked question upon meeting me as I am sure most mixed people like myself can relate to is this, “What are you?” This can be translated in other forms such as, “Where are you from?” “What is your ethnicity?” “Where were you born?” Many people who are biracial I find actually get offended by this question. Personally, the majority of the time I find this to be a compliment because the curiosity stems from their admiration of my mixed physicality, not asked in a way to offend me. Some people seem to think that asking can appear offensive but I do not get offended because A) I like learning about other cultures so I find it interesting to inquire about another person’s cultural identity. I have no problem asking someone this very same question, no matter what someone looks like, I simply am just as curious. B) I do not understand how asking someone who appears to be more diverse looking than someone else is perceived as offensive all of a sudden. C) Personally, I have always embraced that I was born with two races so I am proud to share my cultural background with anyone who asks.
  • People seem to like to categorize people as one race versus another and for whatever reason do not accept that an individual can be both. As exemplified at my birth, each race perceived me to NOT look like their own race. Growing up and even to this day, I actually find this to be rather strange how much perception can range quite dramatically depending on the race of the individual. Meaning that my race is solely determined by my physical appearance and based on what I most look like from the eyes of the beholder. If I appear to be more Caucasian to someone, then I am labeled a white girl or if I look more Asian to someone else, I am only seen as an Asian girl. Someone who is Caucasian may comment, “Oh because you are Asian, you must [fill in the Asian stereotype of your choice].” Someone who is Asian might say to me, “You are not really Asian because you are half white.” I have even encountered Asian makeup clients specifically ask me, “Do you have experience doing makeup on Asian women?” The best reply I can offer is, “Why yes, I am half Asian so I sure can.” ๐Ÿ˜‰ This is why I like to point out to people that I am both Asian and Caucasian and depending on the context, I have no problem politely correcting someone that the correct term for describing me is biracial (not “Asian girl” or “white girl”) whenever anyone tries to put me in a box and label me as only one single race. Why can’t others acknowledge that is it possible for an individual to have a multiracial background and why am I expected to only associate with one side?

No matter what your racial identity is, I think it is important to be proud of who you are while at the same time, race is not everything. Being born biracial, I equally identify with both sides of me and will continue to embrace my cultural heritage with great pride and encourage everyone to do the same. [On a final note, in case you are now wondering, I am specifically Chinese, Maltese, German, and Irish].