Tag Archives: dating

Do Compliments Build Attraction? – (Yes and No)

When people take the time to give a compliment, it typically is received positively by the other person because it is acknowledging something great about them and is a way to express admiration. I would say that most of the time, compliments are a good thing and can definitely be used to build attraction because most people feel good when someone gives them a compliment. People tend to become attracted to those who give them a good feeling about themselves. So the short answer is, yes–compliments can absolutely help in building attraction. However, there are definitely instances in which it might have little to no effect on someone or maybe even have the opposite effect.

If someone receives a compliment from someone who they do not think too highly of or don’t really like, then the person might not even care so much about it or might actually be annoyed by it. I say annoyed because if the person feels that the other is saying it to express interest and the interest is not mutual, then the compliment will not be viewed in a positive light. In these type of scenarios, I would say that it is not really worth going out of your way to compliment the person and that it is important to find other ways to build a genuine connection or perhaps find someone whom you naturally connect with instead of trying to impress someone who is not that into you from the start.

In addition, people who are used to hearing the same compliments throughout their lives might feel indifferent towards a compliment because it is nothing new to them. For example, if someone is a talented musician, telling them this does not hold too much value because they might already know this to be the case or they just hear it all the time so it is not very special to them. On the other hand, if you find a way to validate the person for something that people don’t comment on all the time, then your compliment will go a long way.

Overall, compliments are definitely a good thing and can be used as a way to signal interest in someone but keep in mind that sometimes a compliment simply is just a compliment–so one should not read too into it and just take it at face value. If one is trying to use this technique as a way to get someone interested in them, it is important to not rely on this tactic alone and to find other ways to create natural attraction. I always like to remind people that what works on one person might not work as successfully on someone else so it is important to make an effort to get to know someone on a deeper level in order to really understand someone’s likes and dislikes.

Don’t Ever Become a Beggar Within Your Dating Life

There might be many instances in life where the expression, “Beggars can’t be choosers” applies but your dating life should never be one of them. People make excuses as to why they should settle or just date someone for the sake of having someone. I don’t care if you just got out of a relationship or marriage because failed relationships do not define you–finding love again can still be within your future. I don’t care how old you are because no one has an expiration date or a deadline as to when they find the love of their life. I don’t care if you’re currently unemployed, out of shape, have kids from a previous relationship, etc. Whatever the excuse is, it is time to throw them out the window because they are simply just excuses and do not have to stand in the way of you finding your very best relationship–whether that be with self (as there is nothing wrong with being single) or with a romantic partner.

It blows my mind when people apply these limitations because the result often leads to one settling for an undesirable relationship due to the belief that there are not enough options or a better suited option. Again, this is a scarcity mindset which prevents the creation of abundance in life. If you truly believe your options are limited, then guess what? Yeah, they unfortunately will stay limited because your inner most thoughts determine your reality.

In my opinion, choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in life and not one you should ever take lightly. No matter what your current circumstance is, you should never feel pressured to settle or go through the motions of staying in a long term relationship if you do not feel it is the right fit. You need to set the bar high and keep that bar high because you are deserving to be with someone who you choose to be with and in return this person chooses you back. Remember, it has to go both ways because it is a lost cause if you choose someone who doesn’t value you in the same exact way.

I remember once hearing on a television show many years ago that you should be with someone in which you feel like you hit the lottery. In other words, you want to be with someone who makes you feel incredibly lucky to have in your life. The only difference is, winning the lottery is based on luck whereas with finding love, you essentially CHOOSE your luck which is why you need to be a CHOOSER in your dating life, not a beggar who is willing to take any person who comes their way. True love is always worth the wait so remember to choose very wisely! ❤

Do “Nice Guys Finish Last?” – My Advice to Men

There is the common expression that, “nice guys finish last.” Although there might be some truth to this, I don’t believe that this has to be the case for nice men. There is this common misconception that women prefer the so-called bad guys, players, etc. The underlying issue for women who choose these types of men usually stem from either their upbringing (ex: no father figure, poor male role models–aka “daddy issues”) or they on some subconscious level do not believe they are deserving of a good man, more specifically in this case–a nice guy.

My best advice to nice guys is to find a nice girl! There are plenty of nice women out there who are looking for their match and want to be with a nice man. It is up to men to weed out the women who do no respect, love, or treat them like gold. Nice guys will often tolerate bad female behavior and will tend to stick around until they become a doormat to the women who will never supply them with the love that they give so generously. That is why it is essential for a man to know his worth and cut his losses when he is faced with a woman who does not value him. Sadly, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you in return. Usually the opposite will happen where the woman will just be turned off entirely or she may stick around for the wrong reasons.

In addition, there is more to bring to the table in the dating world than just being nice. Women are attracted to nice men but not if these same men have nothing else going on for them other than this attribute. I can’t help but notice that there are many nice men out there who are devoted, committed, loving, and sweet as pie–especially to women; however these are the same men who don’t have a career, steady income, and are living in the basement with mom still. I am not saying ALL nice guys are like this but I do notice a high correlation between nice guys being much less ambitious with little to offer in terms of a lasting relationship with a promising and secure future. This is where men need to work on themselves so that when the right woman comes along, he has more going for him than just being a nice guy. Keep in mind that “working on self” should not be done strictly for increasing value in the dating world but for yourself–with or without a partner. The reason being that by bettering self, you not only will increase your self worth and confidence but you will also radiate an energy that others will naturally find attractive.

It’s Okay to Miss But Know When to DISMISS – How to Mentally Cope With a Breakup

I understand that breakups are not always an easy reality to face and it does not matter whether you were the one who broke it off or the one who was let go as it can be a tough adjustment either way. If you were the one who was dumped, I recognize it can be especially sad, painful, and difficult to move on. It is natural to miss the person and want to know what they are up to but at the same time, you need to know when it is time to DISMISS the person (aka let them go completely) in order for you to move forward and open the door to a better future. This can only happen once you have emotionally detached yourself from your past and I am here to tell you that you absolutely can and all it takes is a mental shift in your mindset.

“I can’t believe my ex moved on so fast and I was replaced so easily.” – For starters, there is no need to take things this personally. When you feel good about yourself from within, this is the last thing that should ever cross your mind as you already know that you are of high value. In addition, be happy that your ex found happiness with someone else even if that means that person is not you. It might feel hurtful thinking of them with another person but if you truly care about this person, you should genuinely be rooting for their happiness. (On a slightly different note, you should also not be so fixated on what they are doing and what’s going on in their personal life, stay in your own lane and focus on your personal path to happiness).

“I wish my ex was willing to make things work.” – Listen, you need to think of it as a blessing that you were let go because it is not worth it to be with someone who does not see what you have to offer nor has the desire to be with you. STOP wasting your time! If it didn’t work the first time or however many times you tried, chances are that it never was going to work out again in the long run so stop holding onto a false hope that there is a chance of getting back together. If anything, you should be THANKFUL this person is not stringing you along and broke it off to save YOUR time because time is one of life’s most valuable assets.

“I’m never going to find someone like my ex.”Are you kidding me? With so many people in this Universe, there’s absolutely no one to date? Yeah right, I don’t think that’s the case at all! Yes, I know that getting back into the dating world can be a process and it is not always easy to find someone to connect with romantically–however, that is not to say that you will never find someone to date again. I would suggest taking some time to enjoy being single first and allow for enough time for you to mentally detach yourself from your ex and then you can try to meet people again. Often times you’ll find that love will find you when you least expect it and when you are spiritually open and ready for it!

Final Note: At the end of the day, people come and go and that’s a part of life. Not everyone who we meet or date is meant to hold a place in our lives for the long haul and that’s totally okay! It is also okay to reminisce and reflect on the positive memories but at the same time, be prepared to fully dismiss this person and begin a new chapter in your life. I don’t know about you but personally, I think it is way more exciting to think about how the next chapter of life is going to unfold as opposed to getting stuck in an old chapter or reliving a chapter that doesn’t provide a positive outcome. Plus, best of all–you are the one creating it so let’s make this next chapter an AMAZING one! 😉

Why Playing Hard to Get Does Not Always Work

Many people have heard of the common advice, “play hard to get” when you like someone as this is supposed to increase the other person’s attraction level. Although I would have to agree that this can be effective because it is human nature to want what you do not have, this approach can often be counterintuitive and have zero impact on whether or not someone is going to develop a romantic interest in you in return. Reason being that attraction is not a one size fits all formula and it is unrealistic to expect this tactic or any single tactic to work on every single person. (If only it was that easy, right?) While there is no denying that playing hard to get might provide short term success and work in certain instances; on the other hand, there are reasons as to why this tactic is unsuccessful.

Emotionally Unavailable – Some people are emotionally unavailable where they have too much going on in their personal lives to even be open and receptive to love. Examples of this can include just getting out of a relationship, having unresolved feelings towards an ex, or already possessing a different love interest (that’s not you) which all confirm emotional unavailability. When someone is in this stage in life, it is apparent there is no need to invest any time and energy because any attraction tactic will be a lost cause in any of these scenarios.

Just Not Interested / Indifferent – If the person feels pretty neutral towards you and indifferent where they do not care whether they hear from you or not, chances are if you are playing hard to get, they are not even going to miss your presence much at all and may not even notice you’re going out of your way to apply this tactic. The same also goes if this person is not interested in you romantically as this person will probably feel more relieved to not hear from you rather than an increased level of attraction.

In a Relationship – It goes without saying that you should not even be approaching someone who is in a serious relationship which would also explain why playing hard to get would not really work because this person is emotionally locked into their significant other and I would also classify this as a situation where someone is in a state of emotional unavailability as mentioned previously. No attraction tactic is going to have an effect if someone is happily taken so again, you should not even be thinking about doing anything about it and find a new love interest.

Too Many Options – When someone has too many options in the love department, while a person might be craving more of the attention from the person not giving it to them, I think this can backfire because if someone is absent for too long, this person can easily be forgotten simply due to a lack of contact or simply think the person is not interested while those who are more persistent with their affection will most likely be noticed than forgotten.

Out of Touch, Out of Time – To expand on my last point, when someone is out of touch for too long (in this case, playing hard to get), eventually time runs out too. Why should someone wait around for someone to give them their time? More specifically, someone who has a strong love for self and a high level of confidence is just not going to tolerate this type of behavior and will move onto to someone who is giving them validation as opposed to someone who is playing hard to get because they recognize that this is an unhealthy way to win their heart.

Final Note: If you are in a situation where you feel that you need to ignore someone, disappear for a certain amount of time, or play games to win anyone’s love and attention then you are choosing the wrong person–bottom line. This is not the way that you should want to start off any relationship because clearly there is not a mutual interest (or interest at all) and even if the other person has an interest but perhaps is trying to apply this tactic on you to win your heart, again–this just is not a healthy way to begin any relationship. It can easily turn into a toxic dynamic where one or both people stay emotionally attached for the wrong reasons.

Remember, it goes both ways: 1) Always love yourself and know that you deserve more than someone who has to use manipulation to try to obtain your attention. Your affection and time should be EARNED once the other person steps up to the plate by taking the time to emotionally invest in getting to know you and consistently spending their quality time with you. 2) You should also avoid playing hard to get because when the right person comes along, you won’t feel the need to pull away or play games–quite the opposite will happen as the relationship will unfold much more naturally and the connection will increase over time by bringing two people together rather than apart.

Why Similar Lifestyles Matter in A Relationship

Everyone’s lifestyle varies and it is unlikely to meet someone with the exact same lifestyle as you; however, finding someone with a pretty similar one is very important for long term relationship success. It is natural and okay to have differences including different hobbies but when two people live life in ways in which two people cannot easily relate to each other, it is tough to ask for either person to adapt to the other. It is also very easy for the relationship to deteriorate over time as people tend to get resentful or can simply just get tired of each other’s differences.

That is why it is of extreme importance to pay attention to a person’s overall lifestyle from the start of getting to know someone. Although lifestyle can be impacted by one’s career choice, location, and other factors–the way in which a person chooses to live their life is a personal choice that often won’t change. It is good to examine the major components of one’s lifestyle that can include:

– How does this person like to spend their free time?
– How does this person manage their money? Are they more of a spender or a saver?
– What is their idea of a vacation?
– What are their health habits? What does health/fitness mean to them?
– What are their life goals? Are they in alignment with yours?
– Where do they want to live?

Does this person practice a religion and to what extent?
How much time is enjoyed being spent alone and with their partner?
– What does intimacy mean to this person?

This is just a general list to go by but keep in mind that there are many other areas that can contribute to one’s lifestyle. Please note that I did not list anything that was trivial such as a person’s favorite pizza topping or sports team as I would categorize that as a personal preference and not so much associated with their lifestyle. Of course as I mentioned, nothing is going to be exact but instead, it is most important to focus on what’s SIMILAR. When two lifestyles are very similar, it allows for two people to continuously grow together while genuinely loving each other’s company even more as they are brought together by their shared interests. There is a reason why they say, “Birds of a feather, flock together” which very much applies here.

When Love Becomes a Game – Game OVER

Many aspects of life become a game but I don’t believe your love life should ever become one. Mind you, with pursuing love or any type of relationship, there are going to be challenges along the way and no relationship is ever perfect. Even when things seem “perfect,” especially during the early stages of a relationship or during the honeymoon phase as they call it, do not fall into the illusion that everything will remain that way at all times. However, at the very least, things should be very easy in the beginning, especially when two people mutually want to be with each other and explore where their love can go.

Keep in mind, that the early stages of dating someone are always very telling. When I hear someone tell me about the complications, the mixed signals, the emotional letdowns, drama, etc. at the very beginning, my immediate thought is: Don’t just walk but run away from these situations as they should be avoided in its entirety. Why do you want to start a relationship or even invest your time in someone who is playing games with your heart? I do not care how attractive they are. I do not care how much you have in common. I do not care how much money they have. I do not care how much you like them. I do not care how much you think that they like you in return–because guess what, if the person liked you, why would they cause tension, agony, frustration, and grief? The focus would be on TOGETHERNESS and making that effort to not only BE WITH YOU but also to MAKE YOU HAPPY. Why would a person who genuinely likes you go days without contact? If they liked you, they would never want to go even a single day out of touch. Also be careful when you notice a person message you constantly but yet they never make the time to actually see you in-person, spend any quality time, or they make plans but constantly are canceling. (FYI, I call that a glorified pen pal or perhaps a waste of time–you can be the judge).

It is crucial to pay close attention as to when love becomes a game and to pick up on the red flags before the jump to prevent developing any sort of attachment to this person. It is a game you never want to play and one in which you need to withdraw from as soon as you are aware that this is all it is.

Besides the beginning, it is possible that love can turn into a game later during the course of the relationship and the same rule applies here, once you notice this–you are up and OUT. Remember: Game over. An example of this is when a person is incredibly devoted and locked into the relationship but over time, you notice communication becomes less frequent or the person is showing signs they are ghosting you. Do everyone a favor and just end it if that begins to happen. Why settle on someone who appears to be less interested or who is slacking on providing you with the love you deserve? Even if the other person is not intentionally trying to play games with your emotions, it does not matter what the INTENT is, what matters is the OUTCOME. If the outcome is not in your favor, you just have to make it a point to remove yourself as soon as possible. Although it might take time, please know that you will get over them as soon as you make the firm decision to move forward with your life and let the person go. Be patient with the process and true love (not some “love game” nonsense) will actually come knocking on your door when you are ready for it. Trust me, love is on the way so make sure you create the space in your life for it to arrive when the time is right. 😉 ❤

I Do Not Believe in Manifesting an Exact Person Into Your Life But You Can Do These Two Things Instead

I never want to tell someone that they cannot do something because truly anything is possible with the right mindset and the Laws of Attraction put into play. However, when it comes to manifesting the right partner or more precisely a specific person, I do not want to say it is impossible but I just do not feel it is realistic or the best approach because you cannot always make someone fall in love with you–especially if they are not in the right place to pursue a relationship or flat out already decided you are not the one for them. It is for this reason why I find it to be wasted spiritual energy to put all your eggs in one basket and keep only one person in your mind whom you want to manifest. It just is not the right way to think because you are limiting yourself by narrowing the scope of your vision to only one person when there could actually be other potential mates who would be an even better mutual match. More consequently, you are putting yourself in a scarcity mindset (Translation: This is the one and only person for me). Remember, we live in a world of abundance. How is it possible that this person is the only person you want to manifest in order to make your life feel complete? I highly doubt that (no offense). So what now? What are other action steps can you take to at the very least manifest the right partner into your life?

Work on Yourself So You Have the Most You Can Offer to the Partner of Your Dreams – People never want to hear this but this actually is the root of the problem. While there are many people who set the bar low (“I will take whoever I can get” mindset) and wonder why they are always unhappy within their personal relationships, there is also a different category of people who think the opposite. In contrast, they hold very high expectations as to who they want to be with but at the end of the day, they do not have much to offer to the other partner. [Think about it, why would a person of high value settle for someone who does not also work on being the very best version of self? Not only is it unrealistic, you just do not see that happen all too often]. In order to really attract the person you want to be with, the reality is, you also need to put in the work and step up your game so that you equally can be the full package not only for yourself first and foremost but to attract someone of the same level. When you focus more on yourself rather than staying in a state of desperation always in need of finding someone, you will be amazed at the results. You will naturally just be more attractive to others without even asking or trying anymore. People will want to date you and you will find that there are actually too many options as opposed to feeling there are never enough.

Be Specific on the Qualities You Are Looking For – If you already have an exact person whom you want to attract, what is it about them that you like? It is better to focus more on these qualities instead of the person you have in mind because chances are, you will eventually find a person who possesses some (maybe even all) of the same qualities even though it was not the original person you had envisioned. If you want to take this step seriously, take a moment to write a list of the qualities that are most important to you in a partner. Realistically, you might not find someone who has every single quality within your personal checklist but it is a good guideline to follow and use as reference when you are dating because you are more focused on what you are looking for. I definitely recommend being very specific on the criteria but do not focus only on a single person. Although it can happen and you can capture the heart of someone you know whom you really like, keep the spiritual door open to the idea that you can find someone like this person instead or perhaps you might find someone completely new in its entirety. Remember, the Universe is an abundant place and anything is possible so keep that mind open to the possibilities!

The 5 Love Languages – What They Are and My Overall Thoughts

The concept of the 5 Love Languages has been around for quite some time and I just had to Google it now for the exact year (if you do not feel like clicking on the link, the answer is 1992). I actually never took the time to examine the love languages until more recent years as people have asked me how I felt about them and if I knew what my love language was.

My initial thought when I read what they were was, well aren’t they all important in a meaningful relationship? I mean seriously, they all sound valuable and key components of any strong relationship. However, as I really thought about it more thoroughly, I realized that actually, the love languages can definitely vary from person-to-person with someone prioritizing one love language way over another along with someone else not really caring about a love language in its entirety. Even looking upon my prior dating experiences, I do recall breaking up with someone who I knew greatly cared about me with the reason being, “I just don’t feel the love in which I need it.” I never said, “I’m breaking up because our love languages are not the same.” I did not even know much about the love languages at this time; however, when thinking about it, that was very much the truth and bottom line for the break up: Our love languages did not match.

It is for this reason, I think it is wise to examine the different love languages for both a better understanding of yourself along with better equipping yourself for the dating world when you are in a relationship. I believe taking the time to understand your partner’s love languages can go a long way in terms of the overall success of the relationship. So what are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation – This love language involves expressing love through words such as compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal support. A person who values this love language will enjoy a hand written card and appreciate a well thought out text message.

Quality Time – A person who loves quality time is someone who cherishes creating memories with their partner and having actual time spent with each other. This can also include quality time spent talking on the phone, doing activities, and having meaningful conversations.

Acts of Service – The expression, “Actions speak louder than words” best applies to someone who chooses acts of service as their love language. They like when a person does something nice for them to show that they care.

Gifts – This love language is about the act of gift giving with more of an emphasis of the meaning and thoughtfulness of the gift more than the monetary value. A person who prizes this likes to receive gifts as it serves as a more visual representation of love.

Physical Touch – People who enjoy physical touch as their love language like physical signs of affection such as cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc. This can include sex as well. The specific type of physical affection most valued can vary but a person with this love language feels most loved when physical touch is involved.

All in all, I think the theory behind the love languages holds some validity in terms of how couples can express love towards one another; however, I do believe there are many more variables within a relationship to determine its overall longevity and success. For example, you might have two people who share the same exact love languages but if they are not compatible to begin with, it probably will not last over time. I believe sharing the same love languages can be extremely beneficial but that there are many other components within the relationship to further examine.

If Someone is Very Selective, Let Them Select You

There are certain people that are incredibly picky when they go about dating. No one ever seems to be good enough and they often are single or just never settle down. People might assume they have commitment problems, are emotionally unavailable, or they are not marriage material; however, there is also the possibility that the person just does not come in contact with people they want to be with all too often meaning they are super picky or they might not even fully know what they are looking for (which is a separate problem in and of itself).

I always advise if the person has stated they are picky or it is very apparent based on their words and their actions, I recommend you do not invest too much of your time. Even if you are incredibly accommodating and do what you can to please this person, it might still never be enough or they will find something very small as a reason they do not want to date you or as a reason to move on to the next person. Who really wants to deal with that? That is the reason I do not recommend getting attached to someone like this because chances are you will always be the one left wanting more or with a broken heart.

People who are super selective typically do end up staying single most of their lives. It is not your job to try to change this about them or make them fall in love with you. Why do you want to be in a position that you always have to live up to their expectations and please them constantly just for them to figure out if you are worthy enough for them? Relationships should be reciprocal. Both people mutually want to be together and want to do things to make each other happy. This person chooses you and accepts you for who you are. They are not dating you until the next best person steps into their lives or constantly looking for someone who is better in their eyes (if this even exists) because you are enough.

If you really like this person and do not want to give up on them, you can keep sticking around but when things fail to progress as planned, do not tell me I did not warn you. The best thing you can do is back off and let them select YOU. Turn the tables on them by making them work hard to be with YOU versus you always catering to them. If they do not reach out or put the effort needed to keep you in the forefront of their lives, then you know you are better off without this person. I know that might be a hard reality to accept but trust me on this one and keep it moving. It is better to know that now than to find this out days, weeks, or years later. Everyone’s time is precious and this includes yours in which it is important to stop investing it in the wrong people.