Category Archives: Identity

Why Honesty Is Always the Best Policy – Even When the Truth Hurts Sometimes

As the common saying goes, “Honesty is the best policy.” While not everyone might believe this to be the case, I think it is important to consider the benefits of being honest. To me, I look at honesty as a way of displaying authenticity as an individual while also being transparent. Transparency is an incredibly important trait because it is valuable knowing that what you see in someone is truly how they are. However, you will tend to notice that many people are not always true to themselves or that they lack the ability to be honest with others. Even though we understand that being honest is a positive characteristic, why do people often struggle with this?

I think what prevents most people from being transparent with their interactions with others or from being completely honest is that they fear that they can hurt people’s feelings within the process or that people will dislike them for it. What people need to understand is that you are actually HURTING people when you are dishonest as opposed to being honest. Perhaps initially, someone might not react favorably when the honest truth is negative; however, you are helping someone by providing the truth, even if the truth can hurt sometimes. In addition, you are gaining someone’s trust and respect when you opt to be honest. Trust me, I never like to hurt people’s feelings either but I recognize that it is a huge injustice to someone if I were to sugarcoat the truth or lie to someone as a way to protect their feelings. It is important to always look at the bigger picture and know that being honest builds trust and that the truth is of higher value in the long run despite any immediate tension or discomfort that it could cause from within yourself or onto someone else. Given the choice, remember to choose honesty because it truly always is the best policy.

Why Modesty Is Attractive and How to Practice It

I find modesty to be an incredibly admirable and attractive quality to possess and something that people should really try to practice more. Why? When someone is modest, they are not showy (aka a show off) and do not find the need to boast or brag about anything. I also truly believe that most people who are modest genuinely have a strong inner confidence and self assurance about them. Think about it, if a person is smart or good looking or some other desirable trait, they KNOW this already–so why do they need to outward say so? In other words, why state something that is obvious to themselves (and perhaps the outside world)? Whenever I hear someone have to literally state, “I’m really intelligent” or “I’m very successful,” there’s a high chance that this person actually isn’t or doesn’t think other people feel this way about them so they need to sell this idea in hopes that others will buy into it and perceive them as an elevated sense of self even though it is probably far from the reality. The other alternative is that this person feels they are lacking in other areas of self so they only want to focus on boasting about their positive attributes to compensate for what’s missing. Regardless of the underlying reason as to why a person feels the need to brag or show off, it just is NOT attractive nor is it necessary because as I said, people who are modest will not declare their positive qualities so explicitly.

To practice modesty, I recommend being mindful of how you portray yourself to others. I am not saying that you need to hide your achievements or how awesome your life is or that you can never talk up something that you are proud of. Of course it is natural to do this and I encourage you to do so when you feel it is justified; however, it is important to NOT constantly do this because it comes across that you are in constant need of validation or that you just like to brag about everything. In addition, it can sometimes make you appear like a narcissist–which I don’t think anyone finds attractive. A good example of this is when you see someone post a risqué photo on social media. Now on the one hand, if someone is proud about how they look, I don’t have a problem with that whatsoever. However, if these are the only types of photos that this person chooses to post then it just shows that this person not only needs a lot of attention to feel validated but that this person is far from modest. If someone already KNOWS they look good, then there’s no need to constantly sell this to the outside world. They know it, they own it, and they don’t have to over expose themselves to get the point across. Again, this all comes back to the point that it is important to be conscientious of how you display yourself and I don’t mean just physically but in all aspects of your life. You can still be a high value individual without being a show off about it. If you are modest, you actually heighten your value and attraction level because you convey a high confidence level which is always attractive.

Life Is Too Short to Not LOVE Your Life – What to Do Today to Lead You On the Right Path

Although life is far from perfection and everyone is going to experience ups and downs throughout the course of their lifetimes, that does not mean that life needs to be spent more in the negative than the positive. Seriously, life is too short to not LOVE your life so rather than settling on mediocrity or living day by day aimlessly, strive to LOVE your life! There are certainly ways to improve your life today and everyday to ensure that you are creating a path of intrinsic happiness and a life you absolutely love living. (Why like your life when you can love it?) 😉 ❤

Know What You Love and Want – Many people don’t think about what they want in life which can often make life lack a sense of direction or have a meaningful purpose. I believe we are all born with unique gifts and passions so it is important to channel into our strengths while also taking the time to pursue the things we enjoy most. By determining what brings joy also helps in providing clarity as to what is desired.

Focus on the Positive – It is incredibly bothersome when you hear people complain about what they don’t have or how their life is miserable when they could actually be investing their energy into being grateful for what they currently do have, setting goals to make life improvements, and possessing a positive mindset. Being positive really goes a long way in life by attracting abundance and creating the things you want most.

Embrace the Good and the Bad – Again, life isn’t perfect and it’s going to throw some curve balls along the way but it is possible to dodge them in its entirety or be prepared in handling them in the best way possible. By that I mean, it is important to understand that sometimes you really need to go through bad times or deal with misfortunes for the greater good which can include learning a valuable lesson or building inner strength. It is easy to embrace all the good things but it’s equally beneficial to embrace the bad because ultimately you are going to rise above it.

Implement the Changes NecessaryHate your job? Change it! Not happy with your current relationship? Maybe it’s time to change that too! We should never be settling on anything simply for the sake of it. If there is something major (or even minor) bringing your life down in any way, build a game plan to CHANGE it! You have to recognize and be conscious of when it is time to change your life even if that means you need to start over or the change is out of your comfort zone because it is better than staying stagnant or unhappy.

Make It Happen – You are in the driver’s seat of your life and have the power to navigate it anywhere you want to go! So it’s up to you to navigate your life in the direction you want by taking action and actually executing everything that you want as opposed to just thinking or dreaming about it. Go out there and make it happen!

Learn To Read the Signs – A Change in Behavioral Patterns Often Dictate the Truth

When it comes to trying to understand others, people naturally tend to develop patterns that are consistent over time. For example, when you send a text to someone you are close to, you generally have a sense of when they are going to get back to you (rather instantly or perhaps in a few hours) and the way in which they correspond with you. Some people might write a series of short messages whereas someone might take the time to write one long message. The use of emojis is a pattern as well with some people using them frequently, not at all, or every so often. My point is, after getting to know someone, you start to pick up on subtle patterns and know what you can expect from this person.

I generally believe that patterns are a very good thing because they create emotional security and reliability where what you see is what you get. Patterns set up certain standards that you will form about the other person. Personally, I do not have the patience for people who are inconsistent with their communication style and who are rather unpredictable; however this is a pattern that I recognize can be a foundation within one’s personality. Meaning that if this is the way some people are, this is still a part of their pattern of being more spontaneous and unstructured–essentially this is who they are as people. In other words, don’t mistake spontaneity as not being a pattern, it definitely can be classified as one if this person is spontaneous on the regular.

I recommend paying attention to an individual’s behavioral patterns because this can often indicate many things about this person such as their character, personality traits, values, feelings towards you, etc. They are always very telling if you take the time to examine them. When there is a major change in one’s behavioral pattern, you need to keep your eyes open and collect these emotional cues as usually there are more than one (it can be either good or bad) in better understanding the truth. I don’t think there is much room for people to be blindsided by others because if one takes the time to simply notice a shift in behavior, it is actually quite clear the outcome. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to get blindsided, of course there are rare occasions where it can happen but what I am saying is that it can easily be prevented if you are sensing a change in one’s behavior. Sometimes the emotional cues can be very indistinct but they tend to always be there. Unfortunately, I think people’s perception can often blind people from the truth. Perception is NOT always the reality–I once read somewhere that reality is reality. I do agree with this statement. If someone is treating you differently than what you were once used to, take these signs at face value because this is the present reality. I don’t care how things once were, you have to be living in the present moment and not your past. You also cannot ignore the signs and think to yourself, “Oh this is temporary” or “It doesn’t really mean anything is different.” By thinking this way, you will be left blindsided which is why it is important to catch when someone’s patterns change as soon as they begin to happen.

When Words and Actions Don’t Line Up – Which is More of an Indicator of a Person’s True Intent?

[I was going through my saved drafts and stumbled upon this title I wrote from June of 2020 so I guess this was a topic that was on my mind a year ago but one that I never took the time to develop. So I figured I might as well write my thoughts on this].

They always say, “Actions speak louder than words.” However, aren’t there instances where a person’s words can speak louder than their actions? Or better yet, when a person’s actions and words are consistently equal with one another? Unfortunately, many people tend to send mixed messages (whether intended or not) so it is not always easy to understand someone’s intent when their actions and words don’t go hand in hand. This is where you have to rely more heavily on your intuition as opposed to your perception. Typically, your intuition will guide you in the right direction. When you experience moments of doubt, trust what your intuition is telling you. If you ever sense a lack of clarity, it exists for a reason so take it seriously.

Aside from your intuition which we are naturally born with, some people have sharper intuition than others. Meaning that intuition is not enough in really understanding whether or not a person’s actions or words are more reliable. I find that this is why you need to understand what is more important to that specific person. For example, for me personally, given the choice–I value words more than actions. In my interactions with others, I prefer to use my words and be direct with people as a way to communicate as opposed to actions alone. That does not mean that I cannot be deciphered based on the actions I take but what it does mean is that my words can be taken at total face value. What I say is what I mean–there typically is not a hidden meaning behind my words. I try to make an effort to chose my words wisely and I appreciate when people communicate concisely the way I do, although I am aware enough to know that not everyone is like me in that way. Although this is my preference, there are people who don’t really take their words as seriously or even choose to use their words as often as they prefer to communicate with their actions. This is why you need to examine an individual to see what they value more as this will tend to determine how they communicate with the outside world. People are always conveying their true selves through both their words and actions but at the end of the day, people are going to best express themselves through their desired form of communication.

Authenticity Can Create Success If You Take the Time to Develop It

When people think about what qualities are needed to be successful in life, I can think of many words that are associated with success. The first words that come to my mind are hardworking, passionate, determined, disciplined, and proactive. There is no denying that these are effective qualities that will propel someone to advance and achieve many amazing things in a lifetime.

However, I want to share a quality that is often underestimated and not really talked about all too often. I strongly believe that being authentic is a driving force behind becoming a highly successful individual. What exactly is authenticity? I would describe authenticity simply as being true to yourself. One might wonder, well how is “being true to yourself” ever going to provide success? The problem is, most people do not take the time to dig deep and discover what being true to self means to them. In addition, many people are too heavily impacted by society, social media, and the outside world to the point where they go through the motions of life doing what they think they are “supposed to do” or what is expected of them. These same people tend to be too busy looking at what everyone else is doing rather than staying focused on their individual path and living a life of authenticity. For example, society tends to promote professional success to equate to this life equation: Go to college, obtain a degree, find a career, and voila–you can then live happily ever after with financial security and the ability to make lots of money. Let’s be real, this path is NOT for everyone. Did you know that there are plenty of successful people who did NOT go to college or they advanced in something that did not even require a college degree? My point is, life should not be pursued with a ‘one size fits all’ mentality as what works for one person might not be the right path for someone else. It is for this reason that you need to determine what being authentic means to you.

Everyone is born with special gifts and various interests and it is up to you to thoroughly explore them. You would be amazed at what hobbies can actually turn into a business and/or career. Think about the things you most naturally gravitated towards as a young child or adult. Something to also think about: What brings you intrinsic happiness and what do you value most in life? In order to be authentic, you will need to do the work and focus on your own self development. From there, expand on these talents and interests by mastering them and then actually find a way to utilize them. Do not be so concerned on whether or not it will bring you immediate wealth because I do believe that the money will naturally be manifested over time if you just keep doing what you’re doing and put your energy towards being amazing at something that you truly love and care about. Even if society or those around you do not fully support your aspirations, still stay true to yourself as you can always prove them otherwise later (after you become successful that is). 😉

“Show Me Your Friends and I’ll Tell You Who You Are” – Why Good Character Is Important

A Greek friend had once shared with me the expression, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” On the surface, it can come across as judgmental and not really of complete accuracy. It can be interpreted that your friends are exactly like you; however, I think that is taking it way too literally. When I think about my closest friends, sure–we share some commonalities but none of them are “exactly like me.” What the takeaway is that the friends who you choose to be a part of your support system are a reflection of who you are and often represent your core values. Typically, the people you gravitate towards have the qualities, interests, goals, beliefs, and other important attributes that you appreciate most.

I think that the underlying meaning of this expression is that the friends who you choose not only display their character but also reveal your true character. Think about it, if you associate with other like minded people who are ambitious, goal oriented, and successful–chances are that you also possess these qualities. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you choose friends who lack direction in life, have substance abuse issues, and other overall negative qualities, then people will tend to associate that you are the same way.

It is for this reason that I cannot emphasize enough the importance of good CHARACTER when choosing your friends. Aside from their personal qualities to describe their character, their character also describes how they treat you and others which also should be taken into consideration. Does this person support you and accept you for who you are? Do you trust this person? Is this person reliable if you needed a favor? How does this person treat their own family? These are just a handful of questions to ask yourself when you examine character. Unlike family, when it comes to friends, we have the power to choose who we want to associate with so always select wisely–friends who possess good character along with those who add a positive impact on your life. Lastly, always choose people who choose youthey equally love, support, and are there for you when you need them most. 🙂

Pursuit of Independent Happiness – Why It Is Needed Within Your Personal Relationships

I know the title might sound like a bit of a contradiction. On the one hand, you should pursue your own independent happiness yet how can a personal relationship survive if you are only focusing on your self development and life goals? That’s a good question but I am here to provide you with an explanation as to why it is important to continue your pursuit of independent happiness for the greater good of your personal relationships.

Often times when people get locked into a serious relationship, there are sacrifices that are needed to be made to keep the relationship going which can include one or both partners being in a position that they are forced to put their personal goals in the back burner. In addition, usually one although sometimes both people might become too overly dependent on the other person as their primary source of happiness. This is where relationships can become unhealthy and ultimately fall apart over time. Why? You need two independently happy individuals. Each need their own set of life goals, interests, social lives, and things that they do that is completely separate from their partner. Together, they can build each other up and support each other but each person needs to still prioritize their own best interests and build a strong foundation from within above anything else as opposed to giving all this up once finding someone to share their life with. If you have one person on a path of success while the other is still “figuring it out,” I do not think this is an ideal match because being at two very different stages of life can create its own set of challenges unless the more successful partner is okay with this dynamic and can accept things as they are. Remember, any relationship has the potential to last but this requires the right amount of effort, patience, and commitment from two people who are willing to put in the work to preserve the longevity of the relationship.

If you find that you are not happy where you are in the current state of your life, then continue to work on it! Think positively by knowing that many great things in life take time to manifest and are worth the wait. Stay patient, determined, consistent, and stay on a focused path to get to where you need to go in your life to provide you the independent happiness you are striving for. Even if that means forgoing being in a relationship right now, know that investing the extra time in yourself is ultimately the best investment you could be making not only for you but for when the time is right for that special someone to walk into your life. 😉 By the time you are ready, you can then actually offer them the very best version of yourself which is a key component in building a healthy, fulfilling, and everlasting personal relationship.

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.

If You Are Not the Person You Want to Be – 5 Steps to Get You Closer

As we step into yet another new year, we often think this is the time to come up with some resolutions with the mindset that this is going to be our greatest year yet. The truth of the matter is, our lives are constantly a work in progress and essentially a masterpiece we are creating one stroke at a time, in other words each and every day. The beginning of a new year is a great time to refocus on what we are looking to achieve while for some it might be a good time to press the reset button and start something entirely new.

Another thought to consider is, who are you today and who is the person that you want to become? After digging deep and thinking about that, the next thought is to ask yourself, how do you become that person and what is it going to take to do so? In order to become the person you aspire to be, here are five things you can do to build yourself up:

Have a Vision – Everything starts with a vision. You need to start by proactively thinking about the life you want to live including the life experiences and lifestyle you want to acquire. It should excite you just thinking about the vision within your mind, the more vivid the better.

Write It Down – As much as it is important to create the thoughts in your mind, thinking and talking about anything is not the same as actually writing it down. That is why I advise taking the time to write down in a journal or an index card specifically who you want to be and taking it a step further by planning out ways you can achieve this.

Create Affirmations – If you have never taken the time to write affirmations about yourself, this is a great time to start. Affirmations are powerful because they are statements you are declaring about yourself. Even if you do not fully believe in what you are writing right now, it will sink in your mind over time if you repeat them in order to start believing them.

Improve Your Habits – In order to become a better person or get better at anything, focusing on your habits and improving them is key. I also recommend finding a way to track your progress as this holds you more accountable and you can see your growth over time.

Study the People You Admire – Is there someone in your life whom you greatly respect or perhaps a famous person whom you admire? This is a good opportunity to learn about them by taking some mental notes on how they live their lives and then applying what they do to better your own life while continuing to look up to them as a role model.