Category Archives: Identity

Life Is Too Short to Not LOVE Your Life – What to Do Today to Lead You On the Right Path

Although life is far from perfection and everyone is going to experience ups and downs throughout the course of their lifetimes, that does not mean that life needs to be spent more in the negative than the positive. Seriously, life is too short to not LOVE your life so rather than settling on mediocrity or living day by day aimlessly, strive to LOVE your life! There are certainly ways to improve your life today and everyday to ensure that you are creating a path of intrinsic happiness and a life you absolutely love living. (Why like your life when you can love it?) 😉 ❤

Know What You Love and Want – Many people don’t think about what they want in life which can often make life lack a sense of direction or have a meaningful purpose. I believe we are all born with unique gifts and passions so it is important to channel into our strengths while also taking the time to pursue the things we enjoy most. By determining what brings joy also helps in providing clarity as to what is desired.

Focus on the Positive – It is incredibly bothersome when you hear people complain about what they don’t have or how their life is miserable when they could actually be investing their energy into being grateful for what they currently do have, setting goals to make life improvements, and possessing a positive mindset. Being positive really goes a long way in life by attracting abundance and creating the things you want most.

Embrace the Good and the Bad – Again, life isn’t perfect and it’s going to throw some curve balls along the way but it is possible to dodge them in its entirety or be prepared in handling them in the best way possible. By that I mean, it is important to understand that sometimes you really need to go through bad times or deal with misfortunes for the greater good which can include learning a valuable lesson or building inner strength. It is easy to embrace all the good things but it’s equally beneficial to embrace the bad because ultimately you are going to rise above it.

Implement the Changes NecessaryHate your job? Change it! Not happy with your current relationship? Maybe it’s time to change that too! We should never be settling on anything simply for the sake of it. If there is something major (or even minor) bringing your life down in any way, build a game plan to CHANGE it! You have to recognize and be conscious of when it is time to change your life even if that means you need to start over or the change is out of your comfort zone because it is better than staying stagnant or unhappy.

Make It Happen – You are in the driver’s seat of your life and have the power to navigate it anywhere you want to go! So it’s up to you to navigate your life in the direction you want by taking action and actually executing everything that you want as opposed to just thinking or dreaming about it. Go out there and make it happen!

Learn To Read the Signs – A Change in Behavioral Patterns Often Dictate the Truth

When it comes to trying to understand others, people naturally tend to develop patterns that are consistent over time. For example, when you send a text to someone you are close to, you generally have a sense of when they are going to get back to you (rather instantly or perhaps in a few hours) and the way in which they correspond with you. Some people might write a series of short messages whereas someone might take the time to write one long message. The use of emojis is a pattern as well with some people using them frequently, not at all, or every so often. My point is, after getting to know someone, you start to pick up on subtle patterns and know what you can expect from this person.

I generally believe that patterns are a very good thing because they create emotional security and reliability where what you see is what you get. Patterns set up certain standards that you will form about the other person. Personally, I do not have the patience for people who are inconsistent with their communication style and who are rather unpredictable; however this is a pattern that I recognize can be a foundation within one’s personality. Meaning that if this is the way some people are, this is still a part of their pattern of being more spontaneous and unstructured–essentially this is who they are as people. In other words, don’t mistake spontaneity as not being a pattern, it definitely can be classified as one if this person is spontaneous on the regular.

I recommend paying attention to an individual’s behavioral patterns because this can often indicate many things about this person such as their character, personality traits, values, feelings towards you, etc. They are always very telling if you take the time to examine them. When there is a major change in one’s behavioral pattern, you need to keep your eyes open and collect these emotional cues as usually there are more than one (it can be either good or bad) in better understanding the truth. I don’t think there is much room for people to be blindsided by others because if one takes the time to simply notice a shift in behavior, it is actually quite clear the outcome. I’m not saying that it’s impossible to get blindsided, of course there are rare occasions where it can happen but what I am saying is that it can easily be prevented if you are sensing a change in one’s behavior. Sometimes the emotional cues can be very indistinct but they tend to always be there. Unfortunately, I think people’s perception can often blind people from the truth. Perception is NOT always the reality–I once read somewhere that reality is reality. I do agree with this statement. If someone is treating you differently than what you were once used to, take these signs at face value because this is the present reality. I don’t care how things once were, you have to be living in the present moment and not your past. You also cannot ignore the signs and think to yourself, “Oh this is temporary” or “It doesn’t really mean anything is different.” By thinking this way, you will be left blindsided which is why it is important to catch when someone’s patterns change as soon as they begin to happen.

When Words and Actions Don’t Line Up – Which is More of an Indicator of a Person’s True Intent?

[I was going through my saved drafts and stumbled upon this title I wrote from June of 2020 so I guess this was a topic that was on my mind a year ago but one that I never took the time to develop. So I figured I might as well write my thoughts on this].

They always say, “Actions speak louder than words.” However, aren’t there instances where a person’s words can speak louder than their actions? Or better yet, when a person’s actions and words are consistently equal with one another? Unfortunately, many people tend to send mixed messages (whether intended or not) so it is not always easy to understand someone’s intent when their actions and words don’t go hand in hand. This is where you have to rely more heavily on your intuition as opposed to your perception. Typically, your intuition will guide you in the right direction. When you experience moments of doubt, trust what your intuition is telling you. If you ever sense a lack of clarity, it exists for a reason so take it seriously.

Aside from your intuition which we are naturally born with, some people have sharper intuition than others. Meaning that intuition is not enough in really understanding whether or not a person’s actions or words are more reliable. I find that this is why you need to understand what is more important to that specific person. For example, for me personally, given the choice–I value words more than actions. In my interactions with others, I prefer to use my words and be direct with people as a way to communicate as opposed to actions alone. That does not mean that I cannot be deciphered based on the actions I take but what it does mean is that my words can be taken at total face value. What I say is what I mean–there typically is not a hidden meaning behind my words. I try to make an effort to chose my words wisely and I appreciate when people communicate concisely the way I do, although I am aware enough to know that not everyone is like me in that way. Although this is my preference, there are people who don’t really take their words as seriously or even choose to use their words as often as they prefer to communicate with their actions. This is why you need to examine an individual to see what they value more as this will tend to determine how they communicate with the outside world. People are always conveying their true selves through both their words and actions but at the end of the day, people are going to best express themselves through their desired form of communication.

Authenticity Can Create Success If You Take the Time to Develop It

When people think about what qualities are needed to be successful in life, I can think of many words that are associated with success. The first words that come to my mind are hardworking, passionate, determined, disciplined, and proactive. There is no denying that these are effective qualities that will propel someone to advance and achieve many amazing things in a lifetime.

However, I want to share a quality that is often underestimated and not really talked about all too often. I strongly believe that being authentic is a driving force behind becoming a highly successful individual. What exactly is authenticity? I would describe authenticity simply as being true to yourself. One might wonder, well how is “being true to yourself” ever going to provide success? The problem is, most people do not take the time to dig deep and discover what being true to self means to them. In addition, many people are too heavily impacted by society, social media, and the outside world to the point where they go through the motions of life doing what they think they are “supposed to do” or what is expected of them. These same people tend to be too busy looking at what everyone else is doing rather than staying focused on their individual path and living a life of authenticity. For example, society tends to promote professional success to equate to this life equation: Go to college, obtain a degree, find a career, and voila–you can then live happily ever after with financial security and the ability to make lots of money. Let’s be real, this path is NOT for everyone. Did you know that there are plenty of successful people who did NOT go to college or they advanced in something that did not even require a college degree? My point is, life should not be pursued with a ‘one size fits all’ mentality as what works for one person might not be the right path for someone else. It is for this reason that you need to determine what being authentic means to you.

Everyone is born with special gifts and various interests and it is up to you to thoroughly explore them. You would be amazed at what hobbies can actually turn into a business and/or career. Think about the things you most naturally gravitated towards as a young child or adult. Something to also think about: What brings you intrinsic happiness and what do you value most in life? In order to be authentic, you will need to do the work and focus on your own self development. From there, expand on these talents and interests by mastering them and then actually find a way to utilize them. Do not be so concerned on whether or not it will bring you immediate wealth because I do believe that the money will naturally be manifested over time if you just keep doing what you’re doing and put your energy towards being amazing at something that you truly love and care about. Even if society or those around you do not fully support your aspirations, still stay true to yourself as you can always prove them otherwise later (after you become successful that is). 😉

“Show Me Your Friends and I’ll Tell You Who You Are” – Why Good Character Is Important

A Greek friend had once shared with me the expression, “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” On the surface, it can come across as judgmental and not really of complete accuracy. It can be interpreted that your friends are exactly like you; however, I think that is taking it way too literally. When I think about my closest friends, sure–we share some commonalities but none of them are “exactly like me.” What the takeaway is that the friends who you choose to be a part of your support system are a reflection of who you are and often represent your core values. Typically, the people you gravitate towards have the qualities, interests, goals, beliefs, and other important attributes that you appreciate most.

I think that the underlying meaning of this expression is that the friends who you choose not only display their character but also reveal your true character. Think about it, if you associate with other like minded people who are ambitious, goal oriented, and successful–chances are that you also possess these qualities. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you choose friends who lack direction in life, have substance abuse issues, and other overall negative qualities, then people will tend to associate that you are the same way.

It is for this reason that I cannot emphasize enough the importance of good CHARACTER when choosing your friends. Aside from their personal qualities to describe their character, their character also describes how they treat you and others which also should be taken into consideration. Does this person support you and accept you for who you are? Do you trust this person? Is this person reliable if you needed a favor? How does this person treat their own family? These are just a handful of questions to ask yourself when you examine character. Unlike family, when it comes to friends, we have the power to choose who we want to associate with so always select wisely–friends who possess good character along with those who add a positive impact on your life. Lastly, always choose people who choose youthey equally love, support, and are there for you when you need them most. 🙂

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.

If You Are Not the Person You Want to Be – 5 Steps to Get You Closer

As we step into yet another new year, we often think this is the time to come up with some resolutions with the mindset that this is going to be our greatest year yet. The truth of the matter is, our lives are constantly a work in progress and essentially a masterpiece we are creating one stroke at a time, in other words each and every day. The beginning of a new year is a great time to refocus on what we are looking to achieve while for some it might be a good time to press the reset button and start something entirely new.

Another thought to consider is, who are you today and who is the person that you want to become? After digging deep and thinking about that, the next thought is to ask yourself, how do you become that person and what is it going to take to do so? In order to become the person you aspire to be, here are five things you can do to build yourself up:

Have a Vision – Everything starts with a vision. You need to start by proactively thinking about the life you want to live including the life experiences and lifestyle you want to acquire. It should excite you just thinking about the vision within your mind, the more vivid the better.

Write It Down – As much as it is important to create the thoughts in your mind, thinking and talking about anything is not the same as actually writing it down. That is why I advise taking the time to write down in a journal or an index card specifically who you want to be and taking it a step further by planning out ways you can achieve this.

Create Affirmations – If you have never taken the time to write affirmations about yourself, this is a great time to start. Affirmations are powerful because they are statements you are declaring about yourself. Even if you do not fully believe in what you are writing right now, it will sink in your mind over time if you repeat them in order to start believing them.

Improve Your Habits – In order to become a better person or get better at anything, focusing on your habits and improving them is key. I also recommend finding a way to track your progress as this holds you more accountable and you can see your growth over time.

Study the People You Admire – Is there someone in your life whom you greatly respect or perhaps a famous person whom you admire? This is a good opportunity to learn about them by taking some mental notes on how they live their lives and then applying what they do to better your own life while continuing to look up to them as a role model.

How to Spot a Type A Personality – 10 Characteristics to Look For

Although I think it is a little too generalized to categorize people between two groups, it is said that there are two different personality types: Type A and Type B. There is definitely a radical difference between the two with Type A being more competitive and goal oriented whereas a Type B is ultra relaxed and laid back. That is a general sense of their differences but there are definitely more specific things to look for. Type A personality types tend to possess very distinct traits that are easy to detect which include the following:

  • They are fast moving people and always on the go. They tend to also walk fast and like to maximize their time as much as possible. They have little patience for long lines, delays, and wasted time.
  • They are constantly in planning mode. They plan their every move whether it is as simple as their current day or within their future. In order to stay organized, they heavily rely on alarms, to do lists, and a personal planner to stay on track.
  • They strive to find a meaning and purpose behind everything they do. If there is no value behind their actions then they do not really see the point.
  • They are extremely career oriented and invest most of their time towards building their careers. This can sometimes mean they put their personal lives on the back burner in order to stay focused on their education and/or career path (aka their life purpose).
  • They have very little tolerance for people who are unmotivated. They do not understand this whatsoever because this is far from their personality type. Type A personality types are extremely self motivated and disciplined by nature.
  • They often times find it difficult to relax and prefer to be productive instead. The concept of relaxing could actually be more stressful for them because they feel more at ease when they are getting something accomplished.
  • They are doers and like to make things happen as opposed to being inactive . They are constantly building and expanding things in their lives which very often is linked to their career but can overlap in other areas in their lives.
  • They are super focused when it comes to setting goals and finding ways to achieve them. They recognize this often times means putting in the hard work but this is their sense of normalcy so it comes very natural for them to be hard working people.
  • They tend to be perfectionists. This is not to say that Type B personality types cannot be perfectionists as well but that Type A personalities are more prone to it because they are hyper focused on being the most efficient while also being overly critical of themselves. They feel there is always room for improvement and will strive for it rather than settling on staying stagnant.
  • They hold very high expectations in just about all areas of their lives (including themselves). This can include their job, significant other, home, etc. The bar is always set high for them.

How Tough Love Actually Instills Confidence in Children in the Long Run

Often times when people think of the concept of tough love, it can have a very negative connotation. Especially when raising children today, people put such a high emphasis on caring about how a child is feeling all the time and guarding those feelings. I think this is healthy and this is necessary for their emotional well being but at the same time, tough love also needs to be implemented for the greater good of the child.

What is tough love exactly? Tough love is the ability to say no, give consequences, apply discipline, and hold someone accountable for their actions.

It may sound counterintuitive that being tough on a child will build their confidence because aren’t their precious little souls going to be crushed if they do not get what they want and if life doesn’t go their way? In that immediate moment and the short term, yes the child is going to be upset and most likely react unfavorably. However, life isn’t fair all the time right? Why do adults create a false sense of reality for children that they can do whatever they want and get away with it? This is not how the real world works and for this reason a good dose of discipline should be enforced even if that means it is going to cause pain, emotional discomfort, and perhaps negatively affect their self esteem at that given moment. But guess what, they get over it. They cope, they adapt, and they move on with a life lesson. It ultimately builds their strength, character, and confidence.

People mistakenly seem to think that over validating a child will build their confidence. I do not agree with that approach unless a child earned a reason to be validated. Simply telling a child they are good at everything or shaping their mentality that they can do no wrong has the opposite effect by creating a sense of entitlement, laziness, and yet again, a false reality because no one is truly exceptional at everything. Sure they might be feeling good (maybe a little too good) about themselves but it will only last for the short term. If children are wrongfully taught they are “the best” at all times, it is a really rude awakening once they are out in the real world and realize they are not so perfect after all. They actually have to apply themselves and compete for things like everyone else in this world. Ouch–confidence shattered.

At the end of the day, it is okay to point out when a child is not good at something and to put them down with constructive criticism. Why? It provides them a sense of self awareness, a much needed reality check, and [hopefully] motivation for self improvement. They strive to get better at whatever it is that they are not good at or proactively find the things they naturally are good at. They work harder towards achieving excellence rather than falsely believing they are excellent for no real reason.

Tough love will hurt at times and it might also not feel good to make someone feel bad, especially a child because they are very impressionable and might not have the capacity to manage their feelings very well. However, you need to trust that you are actually building them up in the long run even if that means there are times that you are bringing them down. They become more aware of their weaknesses and limitations which provides them room to grow into stronger and more confident individuals.

You Need to Be A Catch Before You Can Catch the Best Fish

I was having a conversation with someone who needed some advice about dating and was not having much luck with it. I think the dating world can be a tough place to be in, I understand that but if you find that you are consistently unlucky in terms of finding matches or people who want to date you, then a different approach is needed. The main focus should be on yourself and what makes you a desirable person. I think often times many people set very high standards for the type of person they want to be with and can be very picky in terms of who they want to date. That is great to know what you are looking for and setting the bar; however, are you also setting the bar that high for yourself? If the question is no, then how can one expect to attract the best matches or any match to begin with?

I come across this quite often when people tell me that they cannot really meet someone and it is very obvious the reason. The harsh reality is this: The person does not have much to offer. There could be one or many contributing factors that lead me to that conclusion such as a lack of self care, unhealthy habits, no clear career path, money problems, lack of self love, etc. In order to be ready for the dating world, wouldn’t one want to be able to offer their best version of themselves to the world? The first step is to become that best version of self because in the process of doing so, I can guarantee that you will automatically without putting any effort into impressing someone else attract someone who would want to pursue you. That essentially is how the law of attraction works. You put in the right positive energy (in this case, investing in yourself) and you attract that positive energy back your way.

At the end of the day, you need to be a catch before you can catch the best fish. 😉 This does not just apply to dating, this can apply to anything such as landing a job or receiving a promotion. You really need to focus on being a catch first and everything else will follow. You will be able to catch the best fish and by this I mean opportunities simply by putting in the work necessary to be best version of yourself. You also have to really want this for yourself before you focus on wanting to be with someone else. That should always be your first priority.