Category Archives: Confidence

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

Your Strongest Mentality IS the Reality No Matter What Anyone Else Thinks

Ever think about what exactly shapes your reality? You can meet someone who appears to be less fortunate than yourself yet they still possess such a positive mentality which then ultimately equates to their reality being a rather good one despite how it might look on the surface or to an outsider. For example, over the weekend I saw on the news a young girl (not sure her age but she could have been anywhere between 16-20 years old) who was interviewed explaining how ecstatic she was to obtain a job at a restaurant. I know your initial thought might be, “That is not such a big deal where she should be featured on the news for it, it is not like she received a job that required much education or was of a high status. Just about anyone can pick up a job at a restaurant rather easily.” However, she was homeless her entire life so this was actually a substantial deal and a turning point in her life as most places would not have even given her the opportunity to interview because she was homeless without any credentials that she could even put on a resume. The employer who also was interviewed had explained that she could relate to the girl as she knows what it is like to be homeless and not being able to find a job. It was actually quite touching to watch this small news segment because it goes to show that a strong mentality is your reality.

It really does not matter where you came from or how much you have or don’t have at this present moment in time. What matters most is that you continue to keep your mentality strong so that you can continue to work towards the things you want to achieve while also being able to manage the curve balls life throws your way. When life provides you challenges, you cannot take it as a moment to bring you down and shake your reality into a negative one. You need to internalize that there is a greater good at the end along with also knowing that ‘this too shall pass.’

The same goes for when someone tries to put you down or tell you that you’re not enough or whatever the negative thought might be. Just because that is what they think does NOT mean it has any validity whatsoever or that it has to cloud your reality. This is a situation in which you just need to let it go in one ear and out the other. Why? What is there to gain from putting your energy towards negative energy? A huge, NO THANK YOU! Again, if you have a strong mentality then as I said, that IS your reality–no one can change that because you are in full control of your mind! 😉 No one can break you down because you keep your head up high and pay no peace of mind to the negativity. So stay in control by being mindful of your mentality in order to live your very best reality!

Stop Taking Things Personally – 3 Ways to Learn How to Let it All Go

It is natural to take things personally and feel offended based upon a person’s words or actions, especially if they were directed at you or perhaps towards someone you care about. However, holding onto those feelings will only dominate your mind with negativity while also potentially creating mental setbacks within your life. For example, if someone told you that you are not good at a hobby and you chose to believe it, then you might no longer pursue it anymore even though you enjoy it. There are ways to let things go and to prevent your mind from fixating on the things that can easily be taken to heart.

Build a Strong Foundation (YOU) – It is up to you to build a strong foundation from within and create the best version of yourself throughout the course of your life. This includes developing a sense of self worth and loving yourself. When you possess strength in your mind from knowing your value, then you are less prone to taking things personally because the negativity is not in alignment with how you feel about yourself.

Surround Yourself With Positive People – When you create a positive social circle and support system, it is natural that you won’t be as exposed to negativity to begin with. Who wants to befriend someone who is constantly going to bring you down? Once you are more aware of people’s energies, it will become easier for you to only attract those in your life who will support you and make you feel good.

Know the Difference Between an Insult and Constructive Criticism – There is a difference between someone outright insulting you versus someone providing you with constructive criticism to help you become a better person. If someone is insulting you then you have to let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not let the negativity stay permanently, just dismiss it and remember that out of sight, out of mind. However, if someone such as a coach gives you constructive criticism as a form of feedback, it is important to utilize this as a way to encourage self improvement and as an opportunity for personal growth.

How Tough Love Actually Instills Confidence in Children in the Long Run

Often times when people think of the concept of tough love, it can have a very negative connotation. Especially when raising children today, people put such a high emphasis on caring about how a child is feeling all the time and guarding those feelings. I think this is healthy and this is necessary for their emotional well being but at the same time, tough love also needs to be implemented for the greater good of the child.

What is tough love exactly? Tough love is the ability to say no, give consequences, apply discipline, and hold someone accountable for their actions.

It may sound counterintuitive that being tough on a child will build their confidence because aren’t their precious little souls going to be crushed if they do not get what they want and if life doesn’t go their way? In that immediate moment and the short term, yes the child is going to be upset and most likely react unfavorably. However, life isn’t fair all the time right? Why do adults create a false sense of reality for children that they can do whatever they want and get away with it? This is not how the real world works and for this reason a good dose of discipline should be enforced even if that means it is going to cause pain, emotional discomfort, and perhaps negatively affect their self esteem at that given moment. But guess what, they get over it. They cope, they adapt, and they move on with a life lesson. It ultimately builds their strength, character, and confidence.

People mistakenly seem to think that over validating a child will build their confidence. I do not agree with that approach unless a child earned a reason to be validated. Simply telling a child they are good at everything or shaping their mentality that they can do no wrong has the opposite effect by creating a sense of entitlement, laziness, and yet again, a false reality because no one is truly exceptional at everything. Sure they might be feeling good (maybe a little too good) about themselves but it will only last for the short term. If children are wrongfully taught they are “the best” at all times, it is a really rude awakening once they are out in the real world and realize they are not so perfect after all. They actually have to apply themselves and compete for things like everyone else in this world. Ouch–confidence shattered.

At the end of the day, it is okay to point out when a child is not good at something and to put them down with constructive criticism. Why? It provides them a sense of self awareness, a much needed reality check, and [hopefully] motivation for self improvement. They strive to get better at whatever it is that they are not good at or proactively find the things they naturally are good at. They work harder towards achieving excellence rather than falsely believing they are excellent for no real reason.

Tough love will hurt at times and it might also not feel good to make someone feel bad, especially a child because they are very impressionable and might not have the capacity to manage their feelings very well. However, you need to trust that you are actually building them up in the long run even if that means there are times that you are bringing them down. They become more aware of their weaknesses and limitations which provides them room to grow into stronger and more confident individuals.