Category Archives: Confidence

Why Some People Take Things More Personally Than Others

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While personalities vary and some people are potentially born more sensitive than others, there are other factors that can contribute to a person’s sensitivity level. Those factors include both life experiences and a person’s environment. Think about it, if someone grows up living in a bubble where they are never given consequences for their behaviors or told that they are great at everything with minimal effort–then any little insult or negative comment is going to hurt them because they were never exposed to adversity or hardships. On the other hand, if you have someone who has experienced more rejections in life or had a tougher living situation, this person is going to have a thicker skin and become mentally stronger over time. Maybe initially, they might feel weak, hurt, and extra sensitive but they tend to overcome these negative feelings because they are forced to cope and persevere.

Remember that it is always much more rewarding to have to work harder at things, to experience failures, to not be living a cushy life where everything is handed to you, and to embrace any challenges that come along the way because you are developing a stronger mindset and therefore will not take things as personally. It is okay to feel sensitive from time to time but ultimately, it is best to know how to adapt and learn how to regulate your emotions. The ability to self monitor your emotions is a life skill that needs to be developed and ideally it is something that should be taught as early as early childhood. Keep in mind that this is a skill that can improve throughout the course of your lifetime and it is never too late to consciously make the effort to become more mentally tough.

The Easiest Way to Set a Boundary – Just Say NO

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When it comes to setting boundaries, it is important to first and foremost establish what your personal boundaries are and to not be afraid to actually apply them. It is very easy for people to take advantage or to try to test your boundaries. If you know what your boundaries are then it will become much more automatic for you to enforce them and to be able to live up to them. Some people might think that someone is a mind reader and will instantly know what your boundaries are but unfortunately, that is far from the reality. It is also important to recognize that what you see as a personal boundary might not be the same for someone else. So what is the easiest way to convey your boundaries?

The best way to establish your personal boundaries is to have the strong ability to say NO to someone. While it might come off as abrasive or rude on the surface, when it comes to your boundaries, you need to learn to be able to say no and to essentially stand up for yourself. If you don’t, then no one else will and you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position where you will be taken advantage of or manipulated. It is important for you to advocate for yourself and to communicate your boundaries so that there are no mixed messages or any miscommunication. As I mentioned previously, people cannot read your mind and it is unreasonable for you to expect everyone who you encounter to be able to obey your boundaries when you do not explicitly spell them out. If you find that someone tries to overstep your boundaries and/or cannot take no for an answer–do not be afraid to remove this person from your life. All healthy relationships require mutual respect and boundaries. Remember that someone who loves, cares, and supports you will have no problem honoring them.

A Strong Need to Be Perfect is Actually Detrimental for Self Development for These Reasons

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It is natural in life to want to strive for perfection in different areas of your life. Maybe you are someone who strives for perfect grades or wants to be the perfect athlete. It is healthy to want to be your personal best but if it borders on obsession then this is far from healthy. The main reason being is that it is impossible to be perfect at everything because perfection is a facade. I would always encourage people to find their strengths and to develop their passions but not to feel the need to be absolutely perfect at everything because it is a lost cause and not really elevating your self development in the long run. There are also a handful of underlying issues associated with striving for perfection which I am going to discuss here.

Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect Actually Displays a Controlling Personality – This might not apply to everyone but someone who wants to be perfect typically has a strong need to control everything in their lives. This is not a healthy quality to possess especially when it comes to your self development. In life, you are simply not going to be able to control everything. While it is good to plan ahead and try to control most things, there are going to be many instances where you need to go with the flow and let things happen as they are supposed to.

There are Always Going to be People Better Than You – It is important to face the reality that there are always going to be people better than you and you cannot be the very best at everything that you pursue in life. You might have a long list of talents and skills that you excel at but it is a waste of your mental energy if you think that you can perfect everything. This is a false sense of reality because there are many times in your life that you are going to need to experience FAILURE in order to SUCCEED. It might sound counterintuitive but it is actually those moments when you fail that will teach you to think of ways to overcome these failures and to propel you to find ways to progress in life. So it is healthy to not be perfect and to experience failures in order to keep your ego in check along with giving you the proper coping skills that are needed during those times when things do not go your way.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted – Maybe this does not apply to everyone but I find that people who have this inner need to be perfect are actually people who suffer from low self esteem. Think about it–a person with high self esteem does NOT need to be perfect. This person is confident in knowing that they have their flaws and can accept themselves as is. If someone goes too far out of their way to be “perfect,” it is because they feel that they are missing something or that they are not good enough. Being good enough means that you can take the good with the bad. A highly confident person understands that there is no need to be the most attractive, rich, or amazing person in order to feel good about self. When you see a person who does a ton of plastic surgery to create that “perfect” image, this is actually a person who is screaming from the inside, “I need to do all these extreme things to look perfect in order to feel good inside and to receive validation from others because I do not love myself.” There is nothing wrong about caring about your appearance but if you see someone go overboard, then you know that this person is deeply insecure and does not feel accepted unless they strive for a perfection that does not even really exist.

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

Does “Money Buy Happiness?” – If Not, Then What Does?

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Many people hear the expression that “money buys you happiness.” While there is some truth to that in the sense that having the ability to spend it freely and providing financial security are very positive things that many of us strive for in our lifetimes–it does not necessarily guarantee you happiness. There are people who have a lot of money but might not know how to manage it successfully which eventually leaves them in more financial trouble or could bring upon more added stress into their lives. There are also people who have unlimited financial resources who live unfulfilling lives and simply aren’t happy. So what are some other keys to happiness that do not revolve around money? 

Pursuing a Meaningful Career That Adds Value to the World – It is really important to dig deep and determine what you want to do with your life and finding a career path that is spiritually rewarding and brings intrinsic happiness. When I say a “career,” that also can include volunteer work, being a parent, etc. It does not have to tie into a job that brings in an income but really just finding your authentic purpose in your life.

Building Healthy Relationships – People often underestimate the importance of human interaction and developing healthy relationships but it is very beneficial to have good people in your life. Even if you are someone that is introverted and prefer to spend most of your time alone, that does not mean that you should not have zero relationships in your life. It is wise to have a social circle of people who are there to support you and spend your quality time with.  

Loving Self to the Fullest – You might already hear this all the time (especially in this blog 😉 ) but you need to love yourself! If you are not in a place where you feel that you love yourself, then you need to determine ways to get to that place. This could mean finding a better job, getting out of a bad relationship that is preventing you from thriving, or pursuing new hobbies that bring you joy. It is a necessity to find and learn ways to love yourself to ensure you are bringing happiness into your life. 

The Difference Between Practicing Self Love and Being an Actual Narcissist

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It is often misconstrued that someone who practices self love can be seen as someone who is selfish or in extreme cases can be labeled as a narcissist. This is actually the complete opposite. A person who practices self love is someone who has high self esteem while also having the capacity to accept themselves despite their flaws. This person does not need external validation to feel fulfilled and happy inside. In addition, this person follows their passions and makes life decisions that are in alignment with what they naturally gravitate towards as opposed to doing things based on what everyone else is doing. Those who practice self love should not be judged negatively and should be seen as people who have a healthy relationship with self.

Someone who is an actual narcissist might come off as a highly confident individual but the truth is– deep down inside, a narcissist has very poor self esteem. This would explain the need for constant validation from the outside world in order to provide internal security or elevate their self esteem in any way. This person will also do selfish things without regarding others’ feelings which again goes back to the need of doing whatever it takes to increase their self esteem–even if that means bringing other people down in the process. Sadly, narcissists tend to feel good to make others feel bad about themselves.

As mentioned previously, narcissistic qualities can include looking for admiration from others, lack of empathy, and low self esteem. It is pretty easy to detect someone who is narcissistic because they are caught up with self in both selfish and negative ways. Someone who practices self love is not caught up with seeking attention and naturally values self without the need to rely on others for the confidence boost. It is important to recognize when you come across a narcissist so that you can avoid them at all costs, especially within your personal relationships. It is not worth getting involved as you will probably get hurt at some point along the way.

Why Being Physically Unattractive Shouldn’t Be Seen as a Bad Thing and How to Make the Most of It

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There is no denying that we live in a world where looks matter. Many people tend to be vain by nature but on top of that, many of us live in a social media world where people are showcasing their best looking selves at all times. The truth of the matter is, what you see can be a false reality and this is all SURFACE level. People should not be overly consumed with their outer appearance and focus more on what they have to offer that is unrelated to their looks. That is not to say that I am saying to let yourself go and not care about your physical looks whatsoever but to have other priorities and goals in life. Are there actual benefits to being unattractive? Believe it or not, there actually can be but it is really up to you to shift your perspective to see it this way.

For one, there are so many ways in which you can improve and enhance your natural looks nowadays. I am not referring to extreme measures such as plastic surgery but natural ways such as developing a good clothing style along with implementing a healthy diet/exercise routine. When you are fit and healthy, you tend to look more attractive. Everyone has the capability to make themselves look better or to enhance their image so there really are no excuses. Even if you possess features that you are not fond of, there is no need to focus on the negatives but to shift your mind onto all of your good features. (Trust me, everyone has them but it is up to you to recognize them)!

If you are not the most attractive person, it is reassuring in the dating world to know that the person dating you is more likely to be interested in you as a person versus only dating you for your looks. People who only date for looks typically end up very disappointed because they are not always taking the time to get to know the person from a spiritual level. If someone is investing the time to get to know you, this is a good thing because the person most likely is not shallow or might even find you attractive despite how you view yourself. As they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” so everyone is attractive to someone which means that there is no need to have unrealistic beauty standards.

While you might not have been born with great looks, this opens up opportunities to excel in other areas in life. Perhaps you are naturally athletic or artistic or have some other talent that you can maximize. There are many professions and hobbies where looks are not even a factor so it is wise to excel in these other areas of life rather than thinking negatively about your appearance. I find that people who are naturally not as attractive tend to be more successful than someone who was born extremely good looking because this person usually needs to try a little harder in life to get what they want. I especially see this with shorter men. Almost every short guy I know has a good career or financial success. Reason being that a man who is short understands at a younger age that he has to try harder (especially in the dating department) to compensate for not being as tall. That might mean having a larger bank account to attract a mate. I am not generalizing and saying this is true for all short men or unattractive people but it is an observation that I have made that I find to be valid. It makes sense too! People who are good looking feel that they do not need to do as much to get attention, validation, or to please others because people naturally tend to gravitate to them more. The same also goes for people who were not born into a lot of wealth. These are the people who work much harder than someone who was given everything in life because they understand from a young age that it is necessary to work hard because nothing is provided to them for free. When you are not born with something, rather than feeling bad about yourself or feeling defeated, it is essential that you do not let that get in the way of your success or see it as a handicap. It is up to you to rise above and work with what you have while striving to attain more. Time and time again, everything comes back to developing a strong and positive mindset so when it comes to your looks, the same mindset should apply.

Self Confidence Is Based On YOUR Personal Beliefs Above Anything Else

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Self confidence can come from various sources and change throughout the course of your life; however, there is no denying that self confidence will naturally manifest from within if you do things that align with your belief system. For example, if you believe that education equates to success, then you should take the courses needed to help you progress in your career which would ultimately make you a successful person over time. Everyone’s personal values and beliefs are individually selected so it is important to establish what you find most important and then take the action that is needed to possess those qualities. Another example might be prioritizing a fit and healthy physique as something that makes you feel confident. If this is important to you, then you will naturally be inclined to work out and implement a healthy diet in order to get the results needed.

While many have a belief that what others think of you matters, it is important to develop the mindset that you are a high value individual and can generate your own self confidence no matter what other people do or say. When you genuinely possess high self esteem, your belief about yourself will never be impacted or changed. Why? Your confidence levels and self worth are not determined by the people around you and come from within which is ultimately a positive thing. You want to get to a place in your life where you do not care what other people think of you because how you feel about yourself is what matters most. That is why it is important to pursue things that bring you both joy and confidence which are in alignment with your beliefs. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is time to dig deep and make some serious changes. You need to first focus on what you want and from there, actually implement the changes needed while working on developing the characteristics that can allow you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that it is important to want to make the changes for yourself and not because someone is pressuring you to be a certain way or to please others. Always let your intuition paired with your belief system be the guiding forces of your life and you will be on a spiritual path to growth and acceptance of self.

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

Is There Such a Thing As Being Too Possessive?

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It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.

Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.

No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.