Category Archives: Confidence

Why Self Love is Always More Valuable Than Social Validation

We live in a world today that is often measured by the amount of “likes” and followers we receive on social media platforms. It is hard to always know the motive behind why people post what they do but I would like to genuinely believe there are people who like to post things on their social media to stay connected, share interesting aspects of their lives, promote good causes, relate to others, and/or create a positive digital space for others to be a part of. However, there is no denying that many people post things to receive validation from others to feel better about themselves. I want to start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving validation and obtaining positive feedback from others. I believe that people should be putting more good energy into the world so if that means loving a photo or posting a nice comment, I am all for that. However, I am NOT for people heavily relying on social validation to determine their self worth, feel accepted by others, and/or as their main source of self confidence.

Rather than focus on who’s liking what on social media or the amount of little hearts that are received on a post, everyone should take the time to really dig deep and examine what creates one’s own sense of inner happiness and how to generate self love. At the end of the day, you will always have YOU–and that’s what counts most. You do not need to rely on the validation of others when you love yourself. There is no need to obsess over what others are thinking about you all the time because who cares what they think? The focus should be on building yourself up on your very own and not seeking people to constantly validate you in order to feel good, important, or of value. Do not let social media or anyone determine your self worth. Do not fall into a habit of short changing yourself as you need to focus on elevating yourself with self love above anything else. You have to remember–you are your biggest asset. (When you love yourself, that’s a given)!

Trust Issues – Understanding Where They Come From and Can They Be Fixed?

When it comes to trust, you will find there are people who trust very easily or those who do not in which they can easily be classified as people with “trust issues.” A person who is labeled this way typically possesses a deep fear of betrayal, abandonment, manipulation, or perhaps may even have trouble developing an emotional attachment because of their trust issues. When you are faced with someone with trust issues, chances are the person will bring them up or find a way of accusing you of things on a regular basis (or enough for you to notice it) even when you have not done anything to give them a reason that you cannot be trusted. That might make you wonder, “What am I doing to cause this?” when usually it is not personal to you and it is an internal issue on behalf of the other person.

There are various reasons to explain why someone will develop this whereas someone else will not. The explanation can be very complicated but usually stems from these causes:

Negative Experience From Their Past – Usually if someone was badly burned from a previous relationship (ex: lying, cheating, etc.), then the person will always have in the back of their mind that it can happen again even if they are with a totally different person.

Bad Childhood – No one’s childhood is perfect but if there were abandonment issues or perhaps distrust from one’s own family, this can heavily impact someone to develop trust issues at a very young age.

Insecurity – Insecurity is a separate issue in and of itself but can very much correlate with having a lack of trust. Someone who constantly feels insecure within themselves will always feel as though their partner can easily leave them for someone else or just be extra paranoid someone is going to betray them in some way due to not feeling they are not worthy enough of being treated well.

Poor Character (Cannot Be Trusted) – People who have the biggest trust issues are often times people who cannot be trusted themselves. In other words, if they believe someone will cheat on them, it could be because they have cheated before and/or continue to do it so they assume others behave the way they do.

Do trust issues ever go away? Can they be fixed? I think that for some, with the right amount of time and conscious effort to fix them, they can be fixed but it probably will not be an overnight process. For most, I do not see it as something that will go away in its entirety but again, if there is a focus to work on the issue, then it can definitely go away. It might also be wise to consider seeking a professional therapist who can assist in figuring out ways to cope and how to let go of the past. Remember, it is never too late to make a positive change in your life as long as you want it and are willing to work towards it!

Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others – You Could Be Doing This

I recognize that it is natural for people to compare themselves to others as a baseline for how their own life should be carried out. One might feel by a particular age, there are certain milestones that should be achieved or maybe one might see something on social media which sparks a thought in their mind that they wish their life could be as “picture perfect.” With social media platforms often used as a way to see if they measure up to others and/or as a way to paint an extra grandiose version of self and life, it is easy to fall into the habit of comparing yourself to someone else. Again, I understand how making a comparison often happens but people need to stop wasting their time comparing themselves to other people as it often leads to negative feelings of insecurity and jealousy. The reason being that this comes from a scarcity mindset where one feels inadequate and that they are not enough. Nothing is enough to them because of the emptiness from within. They focus on what they lack rather than putting their energy into something much more positive–creating their own best life.

There are ways in which you can make healthy comparisons so I do not want to classify all comparisons as negative. It can become positive if you have the capacity to look at someone else and genuinely be happy for that person and aspire to elevate your life to a higher level. That brings me to what you can be doing instead. You can make life improvements and adjustments to enhance your current life. Remember, we are all in control of our destiny and a work in progress with our very own individual life path. That is why I stay in my lane and just focus on my path because I determine where that path leads on my terms and I know that the way in which I live is personal to me. Even if two people had very similar aspirations and perhaps are on the same career path, that does not mean they will both be going at the same pace or that their outcomes would be the same.

In addition to wanting to make the changes needed to live a better life, why not learn from others as opposed to making a negative comparison? If you happen to know the person in real life, you can ask them how they got to where they are and assign them as a personal role model and/or mentor. If the person is someone famous, I am sure you can google information on how they got started along with watching interviews to learn more about their lives. Everyone should really take the time to learn from other people while also paying it forward by teaching others because we are each other’s best resources. In my professional life, when I come across someone who wants to pursue makeup artistry or know how I became successful within my career, I want to do whatever I can to help that person get on the right track.

Final Note: If you find you are someone who compares yourself to other people who you perceive have it better than you, take a moment to shift your mindset onto how you are fully capable of having it all yourself in your own unique way while doing some research as I mentioned. Lastly, do not forget to be grateful for what you do have right now while concentrating on what you want to manifest for yourself over time.

Fixate on Everything You DO Have (Not What is Lacking) to Increase Positivity and Abundance In Your Life

Often times I have conversations with people and I cannot help but notice how unhappy and empty they appear to feel inside. This can range from someone complaining about every little thing, making excuses as to why their life is the way it is (aka miserable), and/or their energy is focused on everything they are lacking. I believe that often times, the greatest barrier that is preventing someone like this from growing and attracting abundance into their life stems from their mindset–a very negative, limiting, and weak one. This is where you need to make a conscious effort to stop yourself from clouding your mind with these negative thoughts and get into a habit of developing more positive ones. The truth is, life is not going to be sunshine and rainbows at all times. There will be storms and dark clouds (spiritually speaking) along the way but you cannot focus on the darkness because it will eventually subside and it is only temporary. Remember, it is as temporary as your mind determines it to be so the quicker your mind can move on from the negativity, the better. Although it is natural and okay to feel moments of doubt and unhappiness from time to time, you cannot allow these feelings to dominate your mind on a regular basis–you need to consciously detach yourself from developing these into permanent feelings.

I also want to point out that everyone is born with special gifts and talents which we need to continue to build and expand on. Don’t focus on what you are missing, focus on what you got going for you. EVERYONE has SOMETHING to offer! What is your special gift? What gives your life purpose and how can you provide value to yourself and others? Look at what you have going for you and learn to be thankful for all your amazing attributes instead of complaining about what you don’t have. This most certainly applies to your looks too. So what if you’re not that tall? So what if you don’t like the shape of your nose? Whatever it is that you perceive as an “imperfection,” why are you not acknowledging your very best features? People tend to complain about what they wish they had and might go through drastic measures to change them when they should be owning what they do have instead. I do not want to hear that you cannot live a better life or be happy because of something you are missing which stems from what is missing on the inside. Continue to focus on what’s great. At the end of the day, you need to work with what you have and fully go with it!

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

Your Strongest Mentality IS the Reality No Matter What Anyone Else Thinks

Ever think about what exactly shapes your reality? You can meet someone who appears to be less fortunate than yourself yet they still possess such a positive mentality which then ultimately equates to their reality being a rather good one despite how it might look on the surface or to an outsider. For example, over the weekend I saw on the news a young girl (not sure her age but she could have been anywhere between 16-20 years old) who was interviewed explaining how ecstatic she was to obtain a job at a restaurant. I know your initial thought might be, “That is not such a big deal where she should be featured on the news for it, it is not like she received a job that required much education or was of a high status. Just about anyone can pick up a job at a restaurant rather easily.” However, she was homeless her entire life so this was actually a substantial deal and a turning point in her life as most places would not have even given her the opportunity to interview because she was homeless without any credentials that she could even put on a resume. The employer who also was interviewed had explained that she could relate to the girl as she knows what it is like to be homeless and not being able to find a job. It was actually quite touching to watch this small news segment because it goes to show that a strong mentality is your reality.

It really does not matter where you came from or how much you have or don’t have at this present moment in time. What matters most is that you continue to keep your mentality strong so that you can continue to work towards the things you want to achieve while also being able to manage the curve balls life throws your way. When life provides you challenges, you cannot take it as a moment to bring you down and shake your reality into a negative one. You need to internalize that there is a greater good at the end along with also knowing that ‘this too shall pass.’

The same goes for when someone tries to put you down or tell you that you’re not enough or whatever the negative thought might be. Just because that is what they think does NOT mean it has any validity whatsoever or that it has to cloud your reality. This is a situation in which you just need to let it go in one ear and out the other. Why? What is there to gain from putting your energy towards negative energy? A huge, NO THANK YOU! Again, if you have a strong mentality then as I said, that IS your reality–no one can change that because you are in full control of your mind! 😉 No one can break you down because you keep your head up high and pay no peace of mind to the negativity. So stay in control by being mindful of your mentality in order to live your very best reality!

Stop Taking Things Personally – 3 Ways to Learn How to Let it All Go

It is natural to take things personally and feel offended based upon a person’s words or actions, especially if they were directed at you or perhaps towards someone you care about. However, holding onto those feelings will only dominate your mind with negativity while also potentially creating mental setbacks within your life. For example, if someone told you that you are not good at a hobby and you chose to believe it, then you might no longer pursue it anymore even though you enjoy it. There are ways to let things go and to prevent your mind from fixating on the things that can easily be taken to heart.

Build a Strong Foundation (YOU) – It is up to you to build a strong foundation from within and create the best version of yourself throughout the course of your life. This includes developing a sense of self worth and loving yourself. When you possess strength in your mind from knowing your value, then you are less prone to taking things personally because the negativity is not in alignment with how you feel about yourself.

Surround Yourself With Positive People – When you create a positive social circle and support system, it is natural that you won’t be as exposed to negativity to begin with. Who wants to befriend someone who is constantly going to bring you down? Once you are more aware of people’s energies, it will become easier for you to only attract those in your life who will support you and make you feel good.

Know the Difference Between an Insult and Constructive Criticism – There is a difference between someone outright insulting you versus someone providing you with constructive criticism to help you become a better person. If someone is insulting you then you have to let it go in one ear and out the other. Do not let the negativity stay permanently, just dismiss it and remember that out of sight, out of mind. However, if someone such as a coach gives you constructive criticism as a form of feedback, it is important to utilize this as a way to encourage self improvement and as an opportunity for personal growth.

How Tough Love Actually Instills Confidence in Children in the Long Run

Often times when people think of the concept of tough love, it can have a very negative connotation. Especially when raising children today, people put such a high emphasis on caring about how a child is feeling all the time and guarding those feelings. I think this is healthy and this is necessary for their emotional well being but at the same time, tough love also needs to be implemented for the greater good of the child.

What is tough love exactly? Tough love is the ability to say no, give consequences, apply discipline, and hold someone accountable for their actions.

It may sound counterintuitive that being tough on a child will build their confidence because aren’t their precious little souls going to be crushed if they do not get what they want and if life doesn’t go their way? In that immediate moment and the short term, yes the child is going to be upset and most likely react unfavorably. However, life isn’t fair all the time right? Why do adults create a false sense of reality for children that they can do whatever they want and get away with it? This is not how the real world works and for this reason a good dose of discipline should be enforced even if that means it is going to cause pain, emotional discomfort, and perhaps negatively affect their self esteem at that given moment. But guess what, they get over it. They cope, they adapt, and they move on with a life lesson. It ultimately builds their strength, character, and confidence.

People mistakenly seem to think that over validating a child will build their confidence. I do not agree with that approach unless a child earned a reason to be validated. Simply telling a child they are good at everything or shaping their mentality that they can do no wrong has the opposite effect by creating a sense of entitlement, laziness, and yet again, a false reality because no one is truly exceptional at everything. Sure they might be feeling good (maybe a little too good) about themselves but it will only last for the short term. If children are wrongfully taught they are “the best” at all times, it is a really rude awakening once they are out in the real world and realize they are not so perfect after all. They actually have to apply themselves and compete for things like everyone else in this world. Ouch–confidence shattered.

At the end of the day, it is okay to point out when a child is not good at something and to put them down with constructive criticism. Why? It provides them a sense of self awareness, a much needed reality check, and [hopefully] motivation for self improvement. They strive to get better at whatever it is that they are not good at or proactively find the things they naturally are good at. They work harder towards achieving excellence rather than falsely believing they are excellent for no real reason.

Tough love will hurt at times and it might also not feel good to make someone feel bad, especially a child because they are very impressionable and might not have the capacity to manage their feelings very well. However, you need to trust that you are actually building them up in the long run even if that means there are times that you are bringing them down. They become more aware of their weaknesses and limitations which provides them room to grow into stronger and more confident individuals.