Sometimes when people are faced with a compliment, especially if it comes unexpectedly, they are unsure of how to reply accordingly. I find it is common to hear people react in two ways, both that are on opposite ends of the spectrum. One is to deflect the compliment and respond in a way that they are not really accepting the compliment. This could be due to the fact that the person is modest by nature or because they do not feel worthy of the compliment. The opposite way people could reply to a compliment is to agree with the person or to take it a step further and confidently boast that they know. While I do agree that it is good to accept a compliment, taking this as an opportunity to brag or show off is not really appropriate in my opinion. I also do not think rejecting a compliment is the right thing to do because although it is a modest response, it can make the other person feel awkward while also making the person who received the compliment appear to be insecure.
So what is the best way to respond to a compliment? Simply say, “thank you” graciously. That is all that is really necessary! It shows that you are appreciative but that it is not going to your head and that you are confident enough to accept it. While most people know to say thank you, it is not always the immediate response that one tends to give which is why it is important to train the brain to just say thank you and keep it moving. Oftentimes less is more and that most certainly applies here–after receiving a compliment.
Oftentimes when you turn on a news station, the focus tends to be on bad news and all the negative events that are shaping the modern world that we live in today. I recognize that it can sometimes be hard to hear good news when most media outlets only highlight the bad things. Over the weekend, I was listening to a headline that caught my attention and left a lasting impression which propelled me to want to share the news in my blog this week. It was about a graduating high school senior from Paterson, New Jersey who got accepted into Harvard University. While on the surface, you might be thinking, “What’s the big deal?” For starters, this specific area in New Jersey is not the most affluent of areas and the student was raised by a single parent. While most would look at where they started and declare that they did not have the same opportunities as someone who was in a much better starting position, she did not use her childhood or socioeconomic status as setbacks but instead, realized that with hard work and dedication to her goals, she can turn her dream into a reality! This leads me to the title of this blog, one of many important facts of life–It does NOT matter where you started because YOU determine the direction of your path!
The news station I was watching interviewed Isabela Gonzalez and it was truly a beautiful story that touched my heart. She was talking about how when she was a young child, she heard of Harvard University and she was told that prestigious people such as presidents went to Harvard University. In response, naturally, she was like, “Well then I want to go to Harvard University!” Her family members laughed and then explained to her that not just anyone gets accepted and that it is one of the hardest schools to get into. Did that leave her discouraged? Nope, quite the contrary. Fast forward her life a decade later and she will be attending Harvard University this fall.
This also brings me back to the power of manifestation and what I call “planting the seed.” In this example, it is so evident that the seed had been planted in her mind as a child that she was going to go to Harvard University. She was too little to understand what that meant or the academic excellence that would be required of her to get into a school like that but it was a decision that was planted in the back of her mind and stayed there. I truly believe that her belief that she was worthy enough to go there along with her desire to go to Harvard University is what subconsciously and perhaps consciously had motivated her to put in the work that was needed to receive her acceptance letter into the school. This by no means is a sheer coincidence but exemplifies manifestation at work. Please take note here that when you “plant the seed,” the seed eventually grows as long as you water the seed or in this case, take the action that is needed to help the seed grow into a miraculous plant.
Mind you, in the article I shared above, I was reading about how fear almost crept in and she almost did not take the time to apply but that she had a teacher who pretty much said he would not supply her a teacher recommendation unless she followed through and still applied to Harvard as planned. Even though she had some moments of doubt, she had someone who told her to apply anyway which points out two other important lessons which are to always believe in yourself and to try no matter the outcome! There is an incredible amount of spiritual value and life lessons that can be taught from this wonderful story. Congratuations to Isabela Gonzalez for her success story and to an even brighter future ahead!
One of the many themes of this blog is the topic of self love. What is “self love” exactly? I would describe self love as having a good level of inner confidence along with self respect. When you possess self love, it serves as a spiritual asset to guide your life’s path and allow for you to make the right decisions in order to live your very best life. For example, when you are dating, having a high level of self love will ensure that you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of because you love yourself enough to set the right boundaries and terminate any relationship that does not best suit you. In your professional life, self love can be used as a self motivator by pushing you to strive for everything that you believe that you deserve.
If you do not feel that you are in a good place within your life, it is a good idea to examine self and determine what areas need improvement and ways in which you can increase self love. I truly believe that if you have self love, you will pursue your life with a purpose and find genuine happiness no matter what you do in the outside world because of the fact that you feel so good on the inside. It is natural to feel down every so often but if at the core, you love who you are as a person and know your self worth, you will always rise above. This is why you have to make it a point to focus on building self love because it will not only enhance you as a person but also have the capacity to enhance your life.
I can tell a lot about a person’s self confidence level based on their dating choices. When someone tells me that they are with someone who neglects, cheats, and/or shares with me instances of any other extreme form of disrespect–this illustrates to me that this person does not have enough self love or thinks very highly of self.Why? When people possess a high level of self confidence and loves self, then you will find that they are not in these unhealthy relationships or bad situations to begin with. They are able to put themselves FIRST and foremost before their significant other with ease and will opt to find their very best match as opposed to dating someone who doesn’t meet their standards. They also do not have a tolerance for bad behavior or any signs of mistreatment and are ready to walk away altogether whenever they see any reoccurring red flag in a relationship.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are unhappy with your partner, it is important to dig deep and determine the reasons why you feel that way while also taking the time to look from within and examine your own level of self love. If you feel down about yourself, it might not be the best time in your life to be in a relationship. The reason being that you need to love self and be your best self before pursuing dating on a serious level. If you can work on yourself, not only are you benefiting your very best asset (that’s you) but you are also setting yourself up for attracting a desirable partner whom you can offer your best while also receiving the best in return. It is a win/win situation on both sides and the foundation of a fulfilling and rewarding relationship when you have two people who equally feel confident about themselves along with the overall success of their relationship.
What people need to realize is that rejection is a part of life and that it does not have to be as horrible as you perceive it to be if you know how to react, cope, and become a stronger individual from it. Many people feel defeated by rejection and some even suffer from a bruised ego for a long period of time. What if I told you that rejection can be a GOOD thing and that you can become a better person from experiencing it?
First and foremost, the first thing you need to realize is that you are going to be okay after being faced with rejection. You might temporarily feel bad about yourself or the situation at hand but that feeling will go away over time. If you tell yourself that it was not meant to be at this stage of your life and that a better opportunity will come your way, you will be much more motivated to find it and to feel good again! This is the right mindset to possess because it shows that you are accepting of the outcome and know that rejection is not the end of the world because there are much more opportunities out there just waiting to be taken.
This leads me to my next point that it is extremely important to realize that for every door that closes, there are plenty of doors that are ready to be opened. Meaning that you cannot feel upset over a single rejection or perhaps a series of them because the Universe is full of abundance all around you and it is up to you to go out there and explore what opportunities await you. Even if there have been a series of rejections along the way up to this point in your life, there are an unlimited amount of opportunities that are on the horizon in your life’s path in which you will not be rejected. Remember that you are destined to receive everything that you want and more as long as you do not give up and you put yourself out there. If you choose to do nothing and let rejection get the best of you, then that’s on you. The Universe has a lot to give but you need to put in a high level of energy and effort in order to receive.
If you get rejected from a job, relationship, college, or something that holds meaning to you such as a sport or other hobby, take this as an opportunity to ask yourself, “How can I do better moving forward? What can I do to make self improvements?” This is not only beneficial in heightening your own self development but it is also a crucial step in elevating your future. Think about it, if you get rejected from making a sports team, the question to the coach should be, “What can I do to improve my skill set and be a better player?” This should not be a time to feel bad about yourself–it is the time to feel motivated to be the best that you can be and actually take the time that is needed to improve. If people never got rejected, there would be no room for improvement. It is for this reason that you should look at rejection as a golden opportunity for change and not as an attack against your personal character.
While many people choose to be in a relationship or prefer to have a partner, it is natural to go through phases in life where you are single for long periods of time or you might have recently gotten out of a relationship. Some people feel bad about a failed relationship and/or might possess a deep feeling of loneliness from their single status. However, this does not have to be the case and no one should feel lesser of a person because of it. It is possible to be single and not be bothered by it–heck, there are even those who are happily single and choose to live this way. While that might seem like an oxymoron to some, it can actually be a positive thing to be single. How does one feel good about being single and what are the benefits?
Do What You Want on Your Terms – It is liberating to be able to do what you want and not have limitations. When you are in a relationship, sometimes you are not able to do what you want and you might find that you do not have as much free time as you use to have. Typically, you also have to check in with your partner before doing something whereas when you are single, you are a free agent.
Focus on Self Development – Although you should always be working on self development whether or not you are in a relationship, it is definitely easier to focus on yourself when you are by yourself. Again, it comes down to having more personal time which you can utilize to better yourself. This is also to your benefit because when you are at your best, this elevates your confidence while building your attraction level which ultimately will increase the likelihood of finding an equally high quality match when you are ready to.
Spent More Quality Time With Friends/Family – I find that many people who are in a relationship do not make time for their friends and family as they used to previously. While some people are good at finding that balance, many end up spending more time with their significant other and abandoning their friends and family. When you are single, this gives you the opportunity to still make quality time for other people other than the person you are with.
Final Note – It is natural for people to want to be in a relationship but remember that it is totally acceptable to be single too. It is way better to be single than to be in a relationship for the sake of it or to settle on a relationship that does not suit your best interests. Too often I see people stay in bad relationships because of this underlying need of being with someone (aka anyone) and out of the fear of loneliness. You are far more superior than that so stop settling! It is always best to stay single and wait for the right person to come into your life than to stay in an invaluable relationship.
It is natural to care about your looks and your outward appearance. I think this can be a good thing as long as you also possess a healthy mindset to match your positive self image. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a negative perception of self which would allow for them to go through extreme measures to “look good.” For example, both women and men get fixated on certain things that might not be within their control such as their height, facial features, and body composition. Personally, it is mind blowing to me that people would want to get surgeries to totally change their face or change parts of their body that take away from their natural born identity. I am not saying that to put down anyone who has made that choice because to each their own and whatever makes someone feel happy about self; however, the majority of the time, I just do not think it is necessary. Think about it, no one should feel the need to take a drastic approach in altering themselves physically–especially if it is unsafe and can cause potential health risks down the line in order to look and feel good.So what can be done to love your self image that won’t require a major transformation?
Focus on Your Best Features – It is very easy for people to focus on what they lack but it is most important to shift that focus onto what one already does have. I believe everyone has attractive attributes and what you perceive as unattractive can actually be a complete turn on to someone else. Rather than comparing self to others and trying to fit into a mold of what society’s definition of “beauty” is, it is best to work with what you were born with and to maximize what you already have. Trust me, EVERYONE has something attractive about themselves if they choose to recognize it and fixate on it rather than thinking about what they do not like or what they think is “missing.”
Develop Your Own Unique Sense of Style – You do not need to be the most naturally good looking person in the world to have a great sense of style. This is also something that can change and evolve over time. Areas of style can include your choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, jewelry, accessories, etc. Everyone has the potential to be stylish or at the very least develop a style that works for you and enhances your best features. While it is helpful to keep an eye out on the latest trends, remember that trends come and go so it is better to determine your very own individual style that is true to yourself.
Work on Building Self Love From the Inside Out – It is important to realize that looks are not everything. Having a beautiful exterior does not mean much if a person has low self esteem and has an endless amount of internal issues. Sometimes the most generically attractive people in the world have the most problems and feel the worst about themselves. This leads me to my final point that it is essential to always be working on self development and to find ways to increase confidence on the inside as opposed to just putting all your energy into feeling good on the outside. When you genuinely feel great about yourself, it truly does radiate from the inside out which should always be the end goal.
I know I have written a blog similar to this subject matter before and it is something that is especially helpful to read, especially if you are a parent or a parent to be. Although I am not a parent, I understand what an important job it is and that it is a role that should not be taken lightly. I also recognize that everyone has a very different approach to parenting and what might work on one child might not work out so well on another. So of course, parenting is a very personal role and one has to tailor the job to their particular child.
No matter what your parenting style is, I think that most would agree that it is important to build confidence in children so that they grow up to be strong and independent adults. People tend to think that telling their kids that they are the best at everything and teaching them to believe that they are flawless is helping their kids. Let’s be real for a moment–No one is flawless. Everyone is born with skills and talents but no one is good at everything in every area in life. Think about it, if someone was told that they are already exceptional at something, then there is little room to find improvements or to grow. It is OKAY to not be good at something and to point this out to a child or to anyone because this can motivate the person to want to get better and to strive to be a better person.
As a child, my parents had no problem telling me that I was not good at something and that I needed to improve. Maybe in the short term, I might feel upset inside but in the long term, my confidence was set up in a position that in order to elevate my self esteem, I needed to find ways to overcome these challenges. It is kind of like starting from the bottom of the mountain and then climbing to the top. What a wonderful feeling it is (aka a boost of confidence) once you actually get to the top! If one already started at the top of a mountain, then you would just stay there doing nothing because you would have no where else to climb any higher. This also creates a false sense of reality because most things in life require some work in which one needs to start at the very bottom. No one just automatically starts at the top because again, there is no room for growth and one needs to embrace the challenges along the way in order to get to the top to build strength which ultimately generates confidence.
I find modesty to be an incredibly admirable and attractive quality to possess and something that people should really try to practice more.Why? When someone is modest, they are not showy (aka a show off) and do not find the need to boast or brag about anything. I also truly believe that most people who are modest genuinely have a strong inner confidence and self assurance about them. Think about it, if a person is smart or good looking or some other desirable trait, they KNOW this already–so why do they need to outward say so? In other words, why state something that is obvious to themselves (and perhaps the outside world)? Whenever I hear someone have to literally state, “I’m really intelligent” or “I’m very successful,” there’s a high chance that this person actually isn’t or doesn’t think other people feel this way about them so they need to sell this idea in hopes that others will buy into it and perceive them as an elevated sense of self even though it is probably far from the reality. The other alternative is that this person feels they are lacking in other areas of self so they only want to focus on boasting about their positive attributes to compensate for what’s missing. Regardless of the underlying reason as to why a person feels the need to brag or show off, it just is NOT attractive nor is it necessary because as I said, people who are modest will not declare their positive qualities so explicitly.
To practice modesty, I recommend being mindful of how you portray yourself to others. I am not saying that you need to hide your achievements or how awesome your life is or that you can never talk up something that you are proud of. Of course it is natural to do this and I encourage you to do so when you feel it is justified; however, it is important to NOT constantly do this because it comes across that you are in constant need of validation or that you just like to brag about everything. In addition, it can sometimes make you appear like a narcissist–which I don’t think anyone finds attractive. A good example of this is when you see someone post a risqué photo on social media. Now on the one hand, if someone is proud about how they look, I don’t have a problem with that whatsoever. However, if these are the only types of photos that this person chooses to post then it just shows that this person not only needs a lot of attention to feel validated but that this person is far from modest. If someone already KNOWS they look good, then there’s no need to constantly sell this to the outside world. They know it, they own it, and they don’t have to over expose themselves to get the point across.Again, this all comes back to the point that it is important to be conscientious of how you display yourself and I don’t mean just physically but in all aspects of your life. You can still be a high value individual without being a show off about it. If you are modest, you actually heighten your value and attraction level because you convey a high confidence level which is always attractive.
One of the many themes of my blog is the concept of “self love.” I don’t want this to be confused with narcissism because that is something I never encourage but self love is something that everyone should really proactively be trying to build an abundance of. Having a high level of self love develops not only your overall self esteem but also your self worth. When you possess self love and therefore understand your worth, it becomes much easier to make positive life decisions. Besides making better life decisions, you are also elevating your personal standards and heightening your level of respect towards self which are both equally important to your self development.
When people make bad life decisions or ones that are not for the greater good of their own life, the fundamental issue usually stems from their lack of love for self. Think about it, if you love yourself, are you going to choose to be with someone who cheats on you, abandons you, or just generally treats you with disrespect? HECK NO! You better not at least. Why? If you value yourself, you keep your path clear of ever getting into those types of relationships. Once you detect any sign of disrespect, you are up and out because you love yourself enough to know that you are better off being single and happy than to be locked into a toxic relationship that is only bringing your life down.
This applies to all aspects of your life, not just within your personal relationships. Think about your career. Are you going to work for a company where you feel overworked and/or underpaid? Some of you might because you feel the need to in order to survive or don’t believe there are better options (aka a scarcity mindset) but someone with self love is going to make the decision to find another job. Why? This person knows their worth and knows there is something way better out there as opposed to settling on a job that is not fulfilling them both spiritually and financially.
My point is, when you develop a high level of self love, it becomes much easier to make better life decisions because you are always putting yourself first–as you should! There is nothing wrong with that and you are not being selfish for doing so. While of course it is a priority to take care of others such as our family members, friends, and loved ones, please do not ever neglect taking care of yourself. Keep in mind that we also need to take care of ourselves in order to become the best versions of ourselves for the people we care about most.
On a final note, remember that self love will always guide you in the right direction in life by propelling you to make the very best decisions and also know that loving yourself will always lead you to a path of infinite happiness. 🙂 ❤