Category Archives: Confidence

Self Love Will Always Guide You in the Right Direction in Life

One of the many themes of my blog is the concept of “self love.” I don’t want this to be confused with narcissism because that is something I never encourage but self love is something that everyone should really proactively be trying to build an abundance of. Having a high level of self love develops not only your overall self esteem but also your self worth. When you possess self love and therefore understand your worth, it becomes much easier to make positive life decisions. Besides making better life decisions, you are also elevating your personal standards and heightening your level of respect towards self which are both equally important to your self development.

When people make bad life decisions or ones that are not for the greater good of their own life, the fundamental issue usually stems from their lack of love for self. Think about it, if you love yourself, are you going to choose to be with someone who cheats on you, abandons you, or just generally treats you with disrespect? HECK NO! You better not at least. Why? If you value yourself, you keep your path clear of ever getting into those types of relationships. Once you detect any sign of disrespect, you are up and out because you love yourself enough to know that you are better off being single and happy than to be locked into a toxic relationship that is only bringing your life down.

This applies to all aspects of your life, not just within your personal relationships. Think about your career. Are you going to work for a company where you feel overworked and/or underpaid? Some of you might because you feel the need to in order to survive or don’t believe there are better options (aka a scarcity mindset) but someone with self love is going to make the decision to find another job. Why? This person knows their worth and knows there is something way better out there as opposed to settling on a job that is not fulfilling them both spiritually and financially.

My point is, when you develop a high level of self love, it becomes much easier to make better life decisions because you are always putting yourself first–as you should! There is nothing wrong with that and you are not being selfish for doing so. While of course it is a priority to take care of others such as our family members, friends, and loved ones, please do not ever neglect taking care of yourself. Keep in mind that we also need to take care of ourselves in order to become the best versions of ourselves for the people we care about most.

On a final note, remember that self love will always guide you in the right direction in life by propelling you to make the very best decisions and also know that loving yourself will always lead you to a path of infinite happiness. 🙂 ❤

Do “Nice Guys Finish Last?” – My Advice to Men

There is the common expression that, “nice guys finish last.” Although there might be some truth to this, I don’t believe that this has to be the case for nice men. There is this common misconception that women prefer the so-called bad guys, players, etc. The underlying issue for women who choose these types of men usually stem from either their upbringing (ex: no father figure, poor male role models–aka “daddy issues”) or they on some subconscious level do not believe they are deserving of a good man, more specifically in this case–a nice guy.

My best advice to nice guys is to find a nice girl! There are plenty of nice women out there who are looking for their match and want to be with a nice man. It is up to men to weed out the women who do no respect, love, or treat them like gold. Nice guys will often tolerate bad female behavior and will tend to stick around until they become a doormat to the women who will never supply them with the love that they give so generously. That is why it is essential for a man to know his worth and cut his losses when he is faced with a woman who does not value him. Sadly, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you in return. Usually the opposite will happen where the woman will just be turned off entirely or she may stick around for the wrong reasons.

In addition, there is more to bring to the table in the dating world than just being nice. Women are attracted to nice men but not if these same men have nothing else going on for them other than this attribute. I can’t help but notice that there are many nice men out there who are devoted, committed, loving, and sweet as pie–especially to women; however these are the same men who don’t have a career, steady income, and are living in the basement with mom still. I am not saying ALL nice guys are like this but I do notice a high correlation between nice guys being much less ambitious with little to offer in terms of a lasting relationship with a promising and secure future. This is where men need to work on themselves so that when the right woman comes along, he has more going for him than just being a nice guy. Keep in mind that “working on self” should not be done strictly for increasing value in the dating world but for yourself–with or without a partner. The reason being that by bettering self, you not only will increase your self worth and confidence but you will also radiate an energy that others will naturally find attractive.

Look Great at ANY Age – You Must Do These Things If You Want to See Results

Is age really just a number? I think in today’s day in age, people have the capability to look even younger than their physical age more than they ever did before. It amazes me when I meet someone who tells me their age and I truly thought that they were at least 10 (sometimes up to 20 years younger). Did this happen from “good genes” alone or by luck? Of course not! That is the most reassuring aspect of the aging process is that we actually are very much in control of the pace in which we age. By that, I mean with the right habits, we can actually extend our youth and look great for many years to come while also adding longevity and strengthening our health at the same time. In order for us to achieve these things, like anything in life–it starts with a focused and positive mindset along with some work. Nowadays, most people want results in the form of instant gratification without putting in the work but as we all know, it does not work like that. So what exactly does work then?

Make a Commitment to Self – First and foremost, you need to make a commitment to yourself that you will do what it takes to stay healthy and fit throughout the course of your lifetime. Not once in awhile or only when health problems occur but AT ALL TIMES!

Many people will make any excuse out of the book such as, “Oh I have good genes where I can eat what I want and not have to ever step foot in a gym.” My counter to that is, “good genes” is a facade. Why? You might look good on the outside now but you cannot rely on just your genetics alone to carry you through life. (On a side note, I cannot tell you how many people I have seen who looked great in their youth and then aged quite horrifically from a lack of steady self care). In addition, if you aren’t taking good care of yourself in the inside, you might find that you’ll have some hidden health problems down the line. So no, good genes does not give you a free pass to not care about your health and wellness in my book!

Another popular excuse is, “I’m old now so who cares at this point? Plus, it’s so much harder to stay fit and healthy when you get to my age.” For starters, this is such a weak and sad way to think! (Isn’t it?) Getting old does not mean that things have to go on a steady decline downhill and that health has to fall by wayside in its entirety. It should be the OPPOSITE! As we age, we need to take even MORE personal responsibility of our health! Yes, it might get slightly tougher as we age to stay fit but guess what, all that means is that we TOUGHEN up! We step up our routines and put in a little more extra work along the way.

Self Care Today and Everyday – I labeled this as “self care” because that can include a wide range of things that you can do personally to take care of yourself but as I mentioned–it really needs to be today and everyday. Specifically, I want to point out the importance of implementing a healthy diet AND having a creating a daily fitness routine. There is no denying that people who eat well and work out not only look phenomenal but tend to look ten plus years younger. (Coincidence? I think NOT!) These are the people who truly are committed to self and trust me, it shows!

Besides diet and exercise, we also cannot forget personal grooming such as taking care of our skin (let’s not forget that sun protection is essential), teeth, nails, hair, etc. These are all major components of self care and ones that should never be left neglected.

Put in the Effort and Stay Consistent – The level of effort and consistency is all determined by YOU! This is a good thing because that means that if you put in a good amount of effort and stay consistent over time, you are guaranteed to get results. Of course there are going to be off days or perhaps off periods in your life in which you get off track a bit but as long as you quickly jump back on a healthy track and stay on it, you’ll be good again! Remember that you’re worth it which is why staying healthy and fit is so incredibly worth it for extending your youth and longevity.

It’s Okay to Miss But Know When to DISMISS – How to Mentally Cope With a Breakup

I understand that breakups are not always an easy reality to face and it does not matter whether you were the one who broke it off or the one who was let go as it can be a tough adjustment either way. If you were the one who was dumped, I recognize it can be especially sad, painful, and difficult to move on. It is natural to miss the person and want to know what they are up to but at the same time, you need to know when it is time to DISMISS the person (aka let them go completely) in order for you to move forward and open the door to a better future. This can only happen once you have emotionally detached yourself from your past and I am here to tell you that you absolutely can and all it takes is a mental shift in your mindset.

“I can’t believe my ex moved on so fast and I was replaced so easily.” – For starters, there is no need to take things this personally. When you feel good about yourself from within, this is the last thing that should ever cross your mind as you already know that you are of high value. In addition, be happy that your ex found happiness with someone else even if that means that person is not you. It might feel hurtful thinking of them with another person but if you truly care about this person, you should genuinely be rooting for their happiness. (On a slightly different note, you should also not be so fixated on what they are doing and what’s going on in their personal life, stay in your own lane and focus on your personal path to happiness).

“I wish my ex was willing to make things work.” – Listen, you need to think of it as a blessing that you were let go because it is not worth it to be with someone who does not see what you have to offer nor has the desire to be with you. STOP wasting your time! If it didn’t work the first time or however many times you tried, chances are that it never was going to work out again in the long run so stop holding onto a false hope that there is a chance of getting back together. If anything, you should be THANKFUL this person is not stringing you along and broke it off to save YOUR time because time is one of life’s most valuable assets.

“I’m never going to find someone like my ex.”Are you kidding me? With so many people in this Universe, there’s absolutely no one to date? Yeah right, I don’t think that’s the case at all! Yes, I know that getting back into the dating world can be a process and it is not always easy to find someone to connect with romantically–however, that is not to say that you will never find someone to date again. I would suggest taking some time to enjoy being single first and allow for enough time for you to mentally detach yourself from your ex and then you can try to meet people again. Often times you’ll find that love will find you when you least expect it and when you are spiritually open and ready for it!

Final Note: At the end of the day, people come and go and that’s a part of life. Not everyone who we meet or date is meant to hold a place in our lives for the long haul and that’s totally okay! It is also okay to reminisce and reflect on the positive memories but at the same time, be prepared to fully dismiss this person and begin a new chapter in your life. I don’t know about you but personally, I think it is way more exciting to think about how the next chapter of life is going to unfold as opposed to getting stuck in an old chapter or reliving a chapter that doesn’t provide a positive outcome. Plus, best of all–you are the one creating it so let’s make this next chapter an AMAZING one! 😉

The Pros and Cons of Telling Someone That You Like Them

When you come across someone who you genuinely like, there comes a time where you might wonder if you should take it a step further and say something to this person or if you are better off not saying a word. Everyone’s dating life is situational, so there truly is not a one size fits all answer to this; however, there are some factors to think about before making a decision on what’s best for your personal situation and to prevent making any hasty decisions.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself first before considering the pros and cons of telling someone that you like them:

– How long have you known this person?
Timing is everything when it comes to building personal relationships. If it is too soon, the other person might not have developed the same feelings towards you or if too much time was taken before saying something, the person might have lost patience and interest with the slow pace of the relationship and already has moved on. Needless to say, timing is definitely a factor.

– How did you meet this person? (From work, school, online, mutual friend, etc.)

The way in which you met this person can influence whether or not it is a wise choice to say something. I say that because if you met this person at your workplace, it might not be worth expressing your interest because the other person might prefer to keep things more professional. If you met online, it might be more acceptable to say something as both of you went on a dating app in hopes of meeting someone and might both have the same desire to start a relationship.

– Do you think this person feels the same way about you?
It can be very tricky to know where you stand in the other person’s mind, whether they view you strictly as a friend, crush, casual fling, or a potential love interest. Although you might not be a mind reader, it is sensible to think about whether or not the other person likes you enough for the relationship to progress. If the feelings are not mutual, you could run the risk of making the current relationship that you have with this person extremely awkward.

After thinking about some crucial details in regards to your situation, we can now discuss the pros and cons in telling someone that you like them. I think it can be a good idea to say something if you have spent enough quality time with the other person for feelings to naturally develop and if you do sense there is even a hint of a mutual interest. The reason being that this way, you don’t waste anyone’s time and can see where the relationship goes. I also do believe that it is healthy to be able to express your emotions in order to stay true to yourself and not have to hold back in any way. If it turns out that the other person does not feel the same and you hold zero emotional attachment to the outcome, then it is also not a bad idea to say something because if you get rejected, at least it is better to know now than to find this out after investing too much time with this person. Even if the outcome is not in your favor, it still is more beneficial to know this information as soon as possible so that you can move on to a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship down the line.

As previously mentioned, the only major con to saying something is that you could get outright rejected; however, rejection does not need to be perceived as such a bad thing as it is a part of life and should be embraced for building inner strength and personal growth. I say that because often times, people need to fail now in order to succeed later. If you are emotionally attached to the outcome and already know that your ego is going to be deeply crushed if the person does not like you in return, then it might be better to not say anything and to continue to just take it one day at a time.

Ideally, if you do not form any emotional attachment to the outcome, then you are not at risk of getting hurt and can move on rather quickly. This is the ultimate goal because then no matter their response, you still have the upper hand in the situation by being in control of your destiny and in knowing that you are totally fine either way! 😉

Navigating Negativity – How to Rise Above When People Try to Bring You Down

It is inevitable that you are going to come across people who are negative by nature or perhaps go out of their way to attempt to bring you down. (Key word: attempt — because these people will never succeed and you will continue to rise above them every time 😉 ). It is important to be mindful when these occurrences happen so that you can handle them in the best ways possible and over time, you can actually prevent these situations from ever happening to begin with.

Remain Positive and Calm – It is always wise to keep your emotions at bay by remaining as cool and calm as possible. There is no need to react agitated, frustrated, annoyed, mad, etc. It is also very important to stay positive to show the other person that you are not bothered by their negativity because if they see that it has no effect, chances are, they won’t continue to bother you.

Do Not Stoop to Their Level – It is very easy to put the other person down in return out of defense or because they started to attack you but there is no need to stoop to their level. It is way more advantageous to NOT be negative in response to the other person as two wrongs don’t make a right.

Hold a Zero Tolerance Policy – By this I mean, do not even take the time to entertain people who say negative things to you or respond to it in any way. When you hold a zero tolerance policy, you won’t put in any thought or energy to what was said and just keep it moving instead. You have way more better things to think about than to engage in someone who has directed any sort of negativity towards you.

Never Take it Personally – It is a sad reality that there are certain people out there who want to put other people down to make themselves feel elevated or better about themselves to compensate for how badly they feel inside. This is their problem and not yours. That is why you should simply never take it personally. You have the choice in how it affects you so make a positive choice by not taking it personally and simply ignoring it.

Avoid These People in its Entirety – The best way to avoid negative energy is to avoid negative people altogether. When choosing friends and people to spend your quality time with, always choose people who are naturally happy and positive individuals who are genuinely going to want to be your biggest supporters. There is no need to keep negative people in your life so make it a point to cut them off completely and only make space for those who impact you in positive ways. At the end of the day, there is an abundance of positivity out there so why surround yourself with negative and miserable people? (You never should have to)!

Why Self Love is Always More Valuable Than Social Validation

We live in a world today that is often measured by the amount of “likes” and followers we receive on social media platforms. It is hard to always know the motive behind why people post what they do but I would like to genuinely believe there are people who like to post things on their social media to stay connected, share interesting aspects of their lives, promote good causes, relate to others, and/or create a positive digital space for others to be a part of. However, there is no denying that many people post things to receive validation from others to feel better about themselves. I want to start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving validation and obtaining positive feedback from others. I believe that people should be putting more good energy into the world so if that means loving a photo or posting a nice comment, I am all for that. However, I am NOT for people heavily relying on social validation to determine their self worth, feel accepted by others, and/or as their main source of self confidence.

Rather than focus on who’s liking what on social media or the amount of little hearts that are received on a post, everyone should take the time to really dig deep and examine what creates one’s own sense of inner happiness and how to generate self love. At the end of the day, you will always have YOU–and that’s what counts most. You do not need to rely on the validation of others when you love yourself. There is no need to obsess over what others are thinking about you all the time because who cares what they think? The focus should be on building yourself up on your very own and not seeking people to constantly validate you in order to feel good, important, or of value. Do not let social media or anyone determine your self worth. Do not fall into a habit of short changing yourself as you need to focus on elevating yourself with self love above anything else. You have to remember–you are your biggest asset. (When you love yourself, that’s a given)!

Trust Issues – Understanding Where They Come From and Can They Be Fixed?

When it comes to trust, you will find there are people who trust very easily or those who do not in which they can easily be classified as people with “trust issues.” A person who is labeled this way typically possesses a deep fear of betrayal, abandonment, manipulation, or perhaps may even have trouble developing an emotional attachment because of their trust issues. When you are faced with someone with trust issues, chances are the person will bring them up or find a way of accusing you of things on a regular basis (or enough for you to notice it) even when you have not done anything to give them a reason that you cannot be trusted. That might make you wonder, “What am I doing to cause this?” when usually it is not personal to you and it is an internal issue on behalf of the other person.

There are various reasons to explain why someone will develop this whereas someone else will not. The explanation can be very complicated but usually stems from these causes:

Negative Experience From Their Past – Usually if someone was badly burned from a previous relationship (ex: lying, cheating, etc.), then the person will always have in the back of their mind that it can happen again even if they are with a totally different person.

Bad Childhood – No one’s childhood is perfect but if there were abandonment issues or perhaps distrust from one’s own family, this can heavily impact someone to develop trust issues at a very young age.

Insecurity – Insecurity is a separate issue in and of itself but can very much correlate with having a lack of trust. Someone who constantly feels insecure within themselves will always feel as though their partner can easily leave them for someone else or just be extra paranoid someone is going to betray them in some way due to not feeling they are not worthy enough of being treated well.

Poor Character (Cannot Be Trusted) – People who have the biggest trust issues are often times people who cannot be trusted themselves. In other words, if they believe someone will cheat on them, it could be because they have cheated before and/or continue to do it so they assume others behave the way they do.

Do trust issues ever go away? Can they be fixed? I think that for some, with the right amount of time and conscious effort to fix them, they can be fixed but it probably will not be an overnight process. For most, I do not see it as something that will go away in its entirety but again, if there is a focus to work on the issue, then it can definitely go away. It might also be wise to consider seeking a professional therapist who can assist in figuring out ways to cope and how to let go of the past. Remember, it is never too late to make a positive change in your life as long as you want it and are willing to work towards it!

Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others – You Could Be Doing This

I recognize that it is natural for people to compare themselves to others as a baseline for how their own life should be carried out. One might feel by a particular age, there are certain milestones that should be achieved or maybe one might see something on social media which sparks a thought in their mind that they wish their life could be as “picture perfect.” With social media platforms often used as a way to see if they measure up to others and/or as a way to paint an extra grandiose version of self and life, it is easy to fall into the habit of comparing yourself to someone else. Again, I understand how making a comparison often happens but people need to stop wasting their time comparing themselves to other people as it often leads to negative feelings of insecurity and jealousy. The reason being that this comes from a scarcity mindset where one feels inadequate and that they are not enough. Nothing is enough to them because of the emptiness from within. They focus on what they lack rather than putting their energy into something much more positive–creating their own best life.

There are ways in which you can make healthy comparisons so I do not want to classify all comparisons as negative. It can become positive if you have the capacity to look at someone else and genuinely be happy for that person and aspire to elevate your life to a higher level. That brings me to what you can be doing instead. You can make life improvements and adjustments to enhance your current life. Remember, we are all in control of our destiny and a work in progress with our very own individual life path. That is why I stay in my lane and just focus on my path because I determine where that path leads on my terms and I know that the way in which I live is personal to me. Even if two people had very similar aspirations and perhaps are on the same career path, that does not mean they will both be going at the same pace or that their outcomes would be the same.

In addition to wanting to make the changes needed to live a better life, why not learn from others as opposed to making a negative comparison? If you happen to know the person in real life, you can ask them how they got to where they are and assign them as a personal role model and/or mentor. If the person is someone famous, I am sure you can google information on how they got started along with watching interviews to learn more about their lives. Everyone should really take the time to learn from other people while also paying it forward by teaching others because we are each other’s best resources. In my professional life, when I come across someone who wants to pursue makeup artistry or know how I became successful within my career, I want to do whatever I can to help that person get on the right track.

Final Note: If you find you are someone who compares yourself to other people who you perceive have it better than you, take a moment to shift your mindset onto how you are fully capable of having it all yourself in your own unique way while doing some research as I mentioned. Lastly, do not forget to be grateful for what you do have right now while concentrating on what you want to manifest for yourself over time.

Fixate on Everything You DO Have (Not What is Lacking) to Increase Positivity and Abundance In Your Life

Often times I have conversations with people and I cannot help but notice how unhappy and empty they appear to feel inside. This can range from someone complaining about every little thing, making excuses as to why their life is the way it is (aka miserable), and/or their energy is focused on everything they are lacking. I believe that often times, the greatest barrier that is preventing someone like this from growing and attracting abundance into their life stems from their mindset–a very negative, limiting, and weak one. This is where you need to make a conscious effort to stop yourself from clouding your mind with these negative thoughts and get into a habit of developing more positive ones. The truth is, life is not going to be sunshine and rainbows at all times. There will be storms and dark clouds (spiritually speaking) along the way but you cannot focus on the darkness because it will eventually subside and it is only temporary. Remember, it is as temporary as your mind determines it to be so the quicker your mind can move on from the negativity, the better. Although it is natural and okay to feel moments of doubt and unhappiness from time to time, you cannot allow these feelings to dominate your mind on a regular basis–you need to consciously detach yourself from developing these into permanent feelings.

I also want to point out that everyone is born with special gifts and talents which we need to continue to build and expand on. Don’t focus on what you are missing, focus on what you got going for you. EVERYONE has SOMETHING to offer! What is your special gift? What gives your life purpose and how can you provide value to yourself and others? Look at what you have going for you and learn to be thankful for all your amazing attributes instead of complaining about what you don’t have. This most certainly applies to your looks too. So what if you’re not that tall? So what if you don’t like the shape of your nose? Whatever it is that you perceive as an “imperfection,” why are you not acknowledging your very best features? People tend to complain about what they wish they had and might go through drastic measures to change them when they should be owning what they do have instead. I do not want to hear that you cannot live a better life or be happy because of something you are missing which stems from what is missing on the inside. Continue to focus on what’s great. At the end of the day, you need to work with what you have and fully go with it!