Category Archives: Communication

The Underlying Issues Behind Why People Overpost on Social Media

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Ever notice that some people post on social media way more than others? While some like to keep a low profile and not share too much on social media, there is also the opposite extreme where you see people who post every day or perhaps multiple times a day. In all honesty, when I notice people post very often, especially content regarding self, I cannot help but immediately think: This person is a total narcissist. Although I do not like to mislabel everyone who overposts to be this way, that sometimes can be the case. Aside from that, there are many other reasons why people choose to post regularly on their social media accounts.

Low Self Esteem – People with low self esteem are constantly in need of external validation in order to feed themselves with what they cannot feed themselves internally–recognizing their own self worth. So sadly, you will see someone post quite often as they hope to gain the attention from others including those whom they admire such as a crush or an ex they want to bring back into their lives. The problem with this is, overposting does not really guarantee validation from others so this could cause someone to be very upset if a social media post or story doesn’t receive many likes or approval as expected.

Needs to Be Center of Attention or Show Off – We live in a very self-centered society where unfortunately, people rely on social media to remain relevant, brag to others about how great their lives are, or to just attract as much attention as possible. It partially stems from low self esteem as stated above but it also can serve as a form of narcissism which I also mentioned at the start.

Has Too Much Time on Their Hands – Simply put, some people truly have too much time on their hands! This could mean that the person is unemployed or doesn’t have much of a fulfilling life going on so instead of working, utilizing their time to set goals, pursuing their passions, socializing in real life, or making a contribution to the world, this person chooses to just waste their time behind their screens to kill time. This sadly creates laziness, unmotivation, and provides little to no spiritual value to their lives. The only exception to this is if a person is using their social media to promote a business in which it is necessary to create daily content or perhaps this person wants to share a very special life milestone event or achievement which could be rewarding for their viewers.

Why Silience Always Builds Attraction and How to Apply It to Social Media

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People who have the least amount to say, often have the most power in a situation and tend to build attraction naturally. While it might seem counterintuitive, it makes sense because when someone remains silent or does not have a lot to say, this creates an aura of mystique where you are questioning what this person is thinking. If you sent a message to someone and this person did not respond, you are going to be left wondering: Why did this person not reply? What is this person doing? Was it something I said? It is for this reason that it is often good to pace your communication, especially if it is with a new love interest. Being silent or taking longer to reply will often work to your advantage. It will keep their mind fixated on you as opposed to giving the person too much attention where there is no room in their mind to miss you. There are many people who are impulsive and who are always striving for instant gratification which means being in constant contact with someone. I never recommend this approach because this can burn out the relationship very quickly in most scenarios. It is much wiser to practice patience and to take your time when communicating with someone new.

On social media, you will see there are people who post content daily. While for some it might be needed for their careers, for many others– they choose to share the personal details of their lives regularly which is typically a sign that they are starving for attention and validation from the outside world. Sadly, this is not the way to gain attraction. I would advise to be selective as to what you choose to share and to share your personal content more sparingly. When I see a person post too often, I usually find it very cringy–especially if the person is using their social media platform to try to show off or brag in some way. That is why it is always way more attractive when a person is unpredictable and you cannot predict their next move or know what they are up to. If you are someone who likes to post all the time, take some breaks and refrain from posting. You will notice that people will be much more interested in what you have to say because you are doing it less often. Remember that when something is rare and more out of reach, it becomes more intriguing. That is why your personal life should not be so easily accessible to the masses and that you should be extra selective as to what you want to share with your audience.

Financial Compatibility Matters – Why You Can’t Be Afraid to Discuss Your Financial Situation with Your Partner

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They say that one of the number one reasons why relationships fail is due to money matters. While many do not want to believe that, I can see how this can happen. It can be stressful enough making and managing your own money. Then factor in your partner’s money habits which can either make your life more stressful or potentially easier. Let’s also forget that money does NOT buy you happiness. Sure, maybe it can make your life easier and there is more financial security but money does not buy a happy relationship. It is for this reason that it is important to recognize that being with someone who has a lot of money does not necessarily guarantee a lifetime of bliss with this person because at the end of the day, you want to find someone who you love unconditionally–with or without a big bank account. There is also a reason that there is the saying, “more money, more problems.” When someone is rich, with that comes more financial responsibilities and also the risk of mismanaging their wealth which could mean being in a ton of debt later in life. On the opposite extreme, being with someone who is a broke bum can understandably bring upon added stress to your life. It can also be an extremely sensitive subject to discuss because you do not want this person to feel even worse about their financial situation. So is it important to still talk about finances and is there a safe way to approach it appropriately?

The short answer is: YES, of course it is important to talk about money in your personal relationships! I can understand why people do not want to because you may feel that it is not your right to know but if you eventually plan to buy a home together, pay joint bills, and essentially merge your adult lives together–then having some money conversations are absolutely needed if you want to build a strong financial foundation together and to ensure you both see eye-to-eye when it comes to money. So often, you see one person who is a great saver and then someone who cannot save a dollar if their life depended on it. This can cause a lot of arguments and tension if you have two people who simply do not agree on how their money is spent. Looking at it from both points of view, does the saver want the spender to spend all their money? Does the spender want to feel deprived and that the saver is constantly controlling their money? These are things that couples really need to think about. From personal experience, I have dated people who were bad with their money and did not know how to save. Over time, it got very annoying and although that was never the definitive reason as to why I would break up the relationship, this was something that was always a consideration because I did not want to be with someone who had zero discipline when it came to saving their money and did not prioritize their financial future.

There are a few safe ways to approach the subject without necessarily bringing it up directly right away. For starters, observe your partner’s behaviors when it comes to money. Is this person very frugal when they order food from a restaurant or does this person like to order everything from the menu? What are things that this person likes to spend money on–is it a daily coffee, vacations, material goods, and/or spending categories? Does this person talk about money goals such as paying off their student debt, saving up for enough money for a house, etc.? There are many things you can observe without asking.

As time goes by within your relationship and you get to know each other better, it is okay to open up the conversation and to talk about each other’s personal finances. It is better to be open and upfront than for it to be a guessing game or to feel like you can’t talk about these things. People should not be afraid to be open and honest, even when it comes to their financial situation. It will either bring two people closer together or further apart. If it does end up being a conflict within the relationship, it is much better to know now and to break it off rather than to stay and then find out when it is too late that the two of you are not financially compatible.

The Easiest Way to Set a Boundary – Just Say NO

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When it comes to setting boundaries, it is important to first and foremost establish what your personal boundaries are and to not be afraid to actually apply them. It is very easy for people to take advantage or to try to test your boundaries. If you know what your boundaries are then it will become much more automatic for you to enforce them and to be able to live up to them. Some people might think that someone is a mind reader and will instantly know what your boundaries are but unfortunately, that is far from the reality. It is also important to recognize that what you see as a personal boundary might not be the same for someone else. So what is the easiest way to convey your boundaries?

The best way to establish your personal boundaries is to have the strong ability to say NO to someone. While it might come off as abrasive or rude on the surface, when it comes to your boundaries, you need to learn to be able to say no and to essentially stand up for yourself. If you don’t, then no one else will and you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position where you will be taken advantage of or manipulated. It is important for you to advocate for yourself and to communicate your boundaries so that there are no mixed messages or any miscommunication. As I mentioned previously, people cannot read your mind and it is unreasonable for you to expect everyone who you encounter to be able to obey your boundaries when you do not explicitly spell them out. If you find that someone tries to overstep your boundaries and/or cannot take no for an answer–do not be afraid to remove this person from your life. All healthy relationships require mutual respect and boundaries. Remember that someone who loves, cares, and supports you will have no problem honoring them.

While Communication Is One of Many Keys of a Successful Relationship — So Is Learning to UNDERSTAND

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There is no denying that communicating with your partner is important and can ensure a healthy and long lasting relationship. However, sometimes people rely too much on communication but forget to actually take the time to listen and understand. While communication is a great thing, you can have two people expressing themselves to one another but failing to UNDERSTAND what is being said to one another. It is just as essential to try to empathize and understand as it is to communicate. If more people took the time to do this, there would be less conflicts, miscommunications, and even breakups. When you love someone unconditionally, you will not only learn the importance of great communication but also learn why understanding your partner will lead to a lasting future together. Remember that it takes two equally dedicated people to make a relationship work so that is why both people need to make this effort to understand each other.

As I just pointed out, there are going to be times that you will not see eye to eye with someone, no matter how much you try to explain yourself. Rather than trying to challenge your partner, take the time to really absorb what they are trying to express to you and learn to accept them. You will find that sometimes this is best in order to keep the peace and harmony within the relationship. It is okay to have your differences and to express them but one should never feel judged or misunderstood within a relationship. Another good lesson that ties into understanding is having the capacity to pick your battles and to be the bigger person. You need to be able to step outside the situation and look at the bigger picture: Is it worth it to cause an issue? If the answer is no, then it is up to you to accept and understand your partner at the end of the day. You will both be happier and continue to create a stronger bond with one another.

5 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Might Be Trying to Break Up With You

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When you are dating, it is inevitable that the relationship might not last over time. Sometimes people are left blindsided and hurt but the truth of the matter is–the signs were always there and it is up to you to be able to detect them. There are those rare scenarios when a relationship ends abruptly with no true explanation; however, the majority of the time, the relationship was leading to a breakup before it actually happened. If one takes the time to examine the other person’s behaviors leading up to the relationship to end, then it becomes more clear that this was going to happen sooner than later. Here are some subtle signs to look for that could prepare you for an upcoming breakup.

Less Communication – If you notice a person is slowly becoming less responsive, taking a long time to reply to you, or just not contacting you all too often, this typically is a subtle sign that the other person is trying to let you go without actually confronting you that this is their intent. While it is a cowardly approach, unfortunately, many people tend to do this because they do not know how to directly end the relationship or confront that they do not want to continue being together anymore. In order to gain clarity, it is natural to ask what is wrong but sometimes it is best to end it yourself when you start to notice a lessening in communication because you deserve a partner who makes the effort to be with you. There is a reason why communication is priority in a relationship so when you start to see less of it, that might be the time for you to walk away yourself.

Canceling Plans Last Minute – If your partner makes plans and is cancelling them often by choice, this is a major red flag. Yes, there will be situations in which life gets in the way and a plan would have to be cancelled but if this happens quite often and there is not really much effort in rescheduling or making it up to you, then it is pretty obvious that the person is losing interest and not making you a priority. If you are someone’s option but not a priority, then you are simply wasting your time as much as they are wasting yours. It is up to you to be proactive and not accept this behavior by being the one to stop offering your time and to consider ending the relationship.

A Drastic Pattern Change of Their Behaviors – If you notice that your partner is breaking their usual patterns, this can be a sign that they are starting to detach from you. For example, if the person usually sends you a good morning text and stopped all together, that might be something to cause you to wonder if the person lost interest or are starting to take you for granted. It is important to follow your instincts and to pay attention to these changed behaviors. Typically there is a reason for the change and it could be a sign that the relationship is no longer progressing towards a future.

Asking for a Break – Typically, a “break” is a nice way of asking to breakup or to apply extra space in a relationship that isn’t meant to last forever. It might be difficult for someone to end a relationship in its entirety so asking for a break is a stepping stone to the actual breakup. It allows the other person to test if they prefer to stay broken up or sometimes the space gives this person a chance to realize they miss the person. Either way, while a break can sometimes bring two people back together, oftentimes it is safe to say that a break will soon be followed by a breakup. Remember, when you have two loving people committed to a relationship, this would not even be a thought and the solution would be to stay together and to do whatever it takes to make things work.

There is No Talk of Your Future Together – If someone is genuinely interested in you and wants to be with you, then it will come natural for there to be conversations of what your future will look like TOGETHER. When someone avoids this topic or never thinks about spending their life with you, then chances are they never will. Yes, it could take some people a longer amount of time to develop those feelings but you should also not be in a position that you need to be waiting around for the other person to talk about the future. If you see a future with this person but the other doesn’t, then the relationship will probably end in a matter of time.

How to Convey Your Value With Your Actions Instead of Your Words

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While words are a great tool in communication, you will find that sometimes words are not nearly as effective as your actions. For example, when disciplining a child, if the child misbehaves and you take their toy away, that is a very effective message to the child that their behavior was unacceptable and that is what caused you to take their toy away. At that moment, the child learns right away the consequence and might think twice the next time before misbehaving again. As opposed to saying that you will take the toy away and then not following through. That is why most discipline fails is because as the saying goes, “talk is cheap” and the words don’t mean anything because there is no action paired with it. That is why you have to remember how important your actions are and why it is necessary to take the proper action needed in daily life situations as opposed to using strictly words, especially within your personal relationships.

When you are dating, people are going to test you and find ways to push your buttons. While you might express to someone how you feel–such as your needs are not being met and threaten to break it off if things don’t change, it is much more effective to just apply space right away and/or consider just breaking up with the person on the spot if you feel that the other person will not be able to change. That might sound harsh but the action of walking away or simply being more distant has a strong effect because you are standing up for yourself and showing that you have VALUE for yourself. A pushover will have a tough time doing this. When you value yourself, it becomes automatic to take action and to teach the other person what you will and will not tolerate. While doing so with your words might have some sort of impact, it will not be nearly as effective as your actions. That is also why there is the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” While I am a big believer in being able to use your words, there are going to be many instances in which your actions have a more powerful message so do not be afraid to take action whenever it is needed. You might be amazed by the outcome and see that you will start to get the desired results that you were looking for. That is why the best way to teach people your value is through your actions.

Social Media and Dating – The Do’s and Don’ts

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It is crazy how social media has easily become a large part of our daily lives. We use it as a source for information, to post updates, to see what everyone else is up to, connect with people, promote ourselves, and so much more. When it comes to your personal relationships, social media can play a role by either adding issues to your relationship or strengthening your bond. It is important as a couple to discuss your feelings about dating and social media because you cannot assume that your partner will agree with your values when it comes to how it affects your relationship. While I am writing a general guideline about what is okay and not okay, it is still best to talk about it as everyone’s personal views can vary. 

Do Validate Your Partner by Liking and/or Commenting on Their Posts – Even if the post is not relevant to your relationship, it is nice to acknowledge that you read it or support it by liking it. You can even take it a step further by leaving a positive comment about the post. This makes the other person feel that they are being validated and that what they have to contribute is important not only to them but also to you as well.

Do Include Both Posts With and Without Your Partner - While it is important to post nice photos with your partner to show the memories that you create together and your appreciation towards them, it is as equally important to be allowed to post photos without them. It is a good balance to incorporate both as opposed to saturating your page with too much couple content or the opposite extreme of not posting them at all. If you are with someone who does not like to be posted on social media whatsoever, it is important to respect this request.

Do Spend Quality Time Together Without Using Your Social Media - It is very easy to stay attached to your phone and devices throughout the day without spending enough quality time with your partner. It is for this reason that you should find time each day to spend quality time with one another without the use of social media or a cell phone by your side. In order to detach, it is a good idea to leave the device in a room to charge or where it is not easily accessible.   

Don’t Stalk Your Partner’s Every Move on Social Media – It is okay to want to look at the people that your partner follows or interacts with but it is unhealthy to analyze their every move and to track their likes and comments on other people’s posts. This can cause undue insecurities or a lack of trust when there really is no need to worry about anything. It is best to stay in your lane and to not care about what your partner is doing on their social media.  

Don’t Read Your Partner’s Personal Messages Without Their Permission – This is a huge boundary issue and invasion of privacy if you go through your partner’s personal messages without consent because it not only can cause a good amount of resentment but also for there to be trust issues against you. If you are in a relationship where you feel the need to do this, then this is probably not the right relationship for you. If this is a habit that you have had throughout your previous relationships, then it might be a good idea to seek professional therapy to help you navigate underlying insecurities or trust issues that you have.

Don’t Keep in Contact with an Ex on Social Media – Although this should go without saying, it still needs to be said. Of course every breakup scenario is different so while there might be instances where keeping an ex on social media is totally harmless, the majority of the time, it is truly best to cut off all communication with an ex and in some cases to block the ex all together. The reason for this is to protect one’s privacy but to also prevent a lingering ex from trying to reach out and reform a connection.

How to Deal with Negative People in Your Life

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Despite how positive you might be, it is inevitable that you are going to deal with negative people in your daily life. Sometimes they are your direct family or friends which can make it more challenging but there are definitely ways to maneuver these relationships in a way that will keep your sanity without having any negative effects on you personally. 

Change the Subject – Unfortunately, there are some people who just thrive on negativity and drama. If you find this to be the case, the best thing you can do is take control of the situation by just changing the subject in its entirety or divert the conversation into a different subject that you would much rather talk about. Chances are the person won’t even notice what you are doing this and will go along with whatever you choose to talk about instead.

Limit Your Time with this Person - Sometimes the best thing you can do is create some space and spend less quality time with this person. If your energy is surrounded by too much negativity, it will also bring your energy and life down. It is for this reason that you are better off to limiting your time together even if that means being alone. It is during the moments of solitude that you can focus on your goals and your very own self development. 

Change Your Social Circle – It is essential to find people with the same mindset as yourself and this includes choosing positive people who will enhance your life. With so many people in this Universe, it is possible to find others who possess positivity as opposed to surrounding yourself with negative people. As your life progresses, that can also mean that the people in your life can change and there is nothing wrong with that as people come and go in life and are not always meant to be in your life forever. 

Try to Counsel Them – If a person you know is going through a lot of tough times, sometimes the best thing you can do is listen and give your advice. While that might not always be the easiest choice, it is wise to be the bigger person and actually serve as a positive role model–especially if it is for a close friend or family member who really needs you right now. You never know how much this person will value your input and support while providing a positive impact on their life. 

If You Do Not Feel Like Someone’s Priority–You Probably Are NOT! – Here’s the Solution

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you just don’t feel like the other person’s priority? Sadly, not only are your feelings valid but chances are that the other person is not making you as much of a priority as you are making them. While this can leave you feeling frustrated, hopeless, neglected, and many other negative feelings–there are few ways to shift the relationship into a more balanced one or this could also be a time of deep reflection where you examine the quality of the relationship you are in.

For starters, if you ever feel someone is pulling back, not reaching out as often, spending less quality time with you, and essentially not prioritizing your relationship–then you should be mirroring their behaviors and doing the same thing. This might seem counterintuitive but this is a good test to see how often this person is choosing to be in touch and finding ways to spend time with you. If you notice that you only hear from them when you initiate more of the contact then this is definitely a problem. It is up to you to communicate your needs in a relationship and to express how you feel. The person might not know how you feel unless you explain your point of view. If you talk things out and find the person is defensive or does not care to fix the problem, then you know that this is NOT the relationship for you. Within a healthy relationship, two people should be able to openly express themselves and should want to make the effort to please each other. If this isn’t happening, then this is a good chance to walk away from the relationship without feeling bad or without any regrets. You need to be with someone who values you and wants to put in the work that is necessary to progress the relationship.

Another consideration is that sometimes the other person could require more space meaning that it is not anything personal against you. If this is the case, give the person space and some room to miss you. The person will come back to you in time. If this space dynamic is something that you find bothersome, then you need to really evaluate what your needs are in a relationship. Whenever you find yourself in a relationship where your expectations are not being met along with your partner also being aware of them without making any changes then you should put yourself first by walking away from the relationship. Many people may be scared to be alone but it is way better to be alone where you can focus on bettering yourself as opposed to settling on a relationship that does not bring you enough happiness.