Tag Archives: self love

Don’t Let a Scarcity Mindset Ruin Your Dating Life

There are many factors that can hinder people from having a successful dating life and one of the biggest that I see are those who possess a scarcity mindset. What is a scarcity mindset and how does it apply to dating? A scarcity mindset stems from the thought that there are limited options and that there are not enough resources to go around. So as a result, a person with a scarcity mindset believes that they must hold onto dear life everything that they have because something else might not come their way. I can assure you that this is extremely far from the truth! Let’s not forget that we live in an abundant world with lots of opportunities which means that you should never settle upon anything and this is especially true when it comes to dating!

Here are the most common things that I hear people say and I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way to think because it is coming from a place of scarcity when you should train your brain to live ABUNDANTLY.

“I am not happy with my current relationship but I do not think that I could ever find someone again.” – This is a horrible way to think! This essentially is saying that it is okay to settle for unhappiness because there is no hope in finding someone who could be a better suited match. I do believe that two people can find a healthy way to make things work within a relationship but at the same time, if in your heart you know that this is not the one, it is not wise to keep the relationship going just because you do not think you could find someone better. You won’t know unless you break off the relationship, put yourself out there, and explore other dating opportunities.

“I do not think that I will ever find someone this good so I will do whatever it takes to keep them in my life, even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices that I am not happy about.” – This to me not only conveys that this person has a scarcity mindset but it also shows that this person holds onto many insecurities. I say this because a secure person would not feel they have to bend over backwards just to keep someone around and would want an equal partnership. Someone who is very insecure might feel they have to do a lot in order to compensate for what they are lacking inside and feel that they will only be loved if they go above and beyond for the other person even if that means that the other person is not reciprocating and treats them as a doormat.

“I am never going to find anyone so what is the point of even looking?” – Wow, I do not think it could get much worse than this! This is such a depressing way to think and goes to show that a person that thinks this way is not thinking with an abundant mind. A person with an abundance mindset would know that there is someone for everyone and that they will eventually find their match because there are plenty of people they could connect with and potentially date.

Learn To Love the Body You Are Born With

While there are societal pressures to look a certain way or to have the “perfect” body, realistically, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect body. What one might perceive as perfect might vary from another person’s definition of perfect so we should not care so much about what other people think and focus more on how we perceive ourselves. If you learn to love your body, it will build your confidence levels and help in developing an overall positive body image. Aside from visual aesthetics, everyone should proactively opt to live a healthy lifestyle which means incorporating a healthy diet along with daily exercise. There are endless benefits when you take the time to take care of yourself and this most certainly includes taking care of your body.

It makes me sad when I see people go through extreme measures to look a certain way or to feel good about their bodies when people should genuinely be grateful for and embrace the body they were born with. It is natural to find flaws but it should be just as natural to look for one’s own personal assets because everyone is born with something to be proud of. It is what makes us unique as individuals and we are all born with our own special set of DNA. We should not feel pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards which oftentimes is an illusion and/or try to look like someone else. While I understand that some might find the need to turn to plastic surgery in order to make the changes to feel good inside, some of these procedures can be dangerous to one’s health over time and do not really fix the inner problem which comes down to a self esteem issue. Before making any dramatic decisions in regards to one’s appearance, it is much better in the long run to work on the INTERNAL issues by working on building self esteem that can be generated by things other than one’s outer appearance such as expanding a career, starting a new hobby, and/or pursuing new goals that can bring success, happiness, and personal growth in life.

The Smart Way for Women to Determine Their Relationship Status Without Having to Ask – (It’s Not What You Think)

In the dating world, I would say women often find themselves in situations where they are casually dating a man who they really like and while he may be giving all the signs that he is interested, there is one crucial gray area that is left uncertain–Are you both exclusively dating aka in a committed relationship? When a woman finds herself uncertain, it is natural that after a certain amount of time, she has “the talk” with the guy to see if they are on the same page and whether or not this “relationship” (in quotes because it is not confirmed just yet if it is a real relationship or not) has a future. While there is nothing wrong with wondering and wanting to have this conversation with a man, more often than not, if you are left in total confusion despite the so-called positive signs, there is a huge chance that the answer is NO. Reason being, when you are with the right person, things naturally progress as time goes on and there should not be any uncertainty in terms of where you stand in a man’s life. If you are dating a man who puts you in a mental state where you actually have to confront him and ask, then this is probably NOT the man for you. If you still believe that there is a chance and it is worth pursuing “the talk,” just be prepared that the outcome could go either way. If you are okay with potentially setting yourself up for total rejection, then by all means ask–even though it is already pretty predictable that the answer is probably going to be a no already. So instead of ASKING for clarification, there are much better ways to go about getting answers without coming off as needy and emotionally dependent on the man to validate that this very well is a serious relationship. The question is, how?

You need to put yourself in a dating situation where the MAN has to ask YOU what the status is and he is left to wonder, “Does this girl like me and want to pursue a relationship with me?” Your perception is everything so if you believe that a man should be asking you these questions instead of you being the one to have to ask, then you need to take the right actions in order to essentially FLIP THE TABLE on the guy where he is pursuing you while also being left wondering if you will commit to him. There are actually many things you can proactively do in order to create this dating scenario.

Date Multiple People at the Same Time – When a woman meets someone new and who she really likes, she tends to put all her eggs in one basket and dates this guy exclusively by giving him girlfriend privileges without establishing that she is even in a relationship with this guy. As far as I am concerned, if you are casually dating and there are no labels or discussions about a future, consider yourself SINGLE. Seriously. It is better to NOT assume that you are in a committed relationship with this guy, despite how much you like him and to go about your daily life which could include meeting up with other men. This is not cheating if you are only dating casually because for all you know, he could be doing the same thing too. There is nothing wrong with keeping your options OPEN ladies! It is best to date around which gives you the upper hand in your dating life and to also see who really is left standing at the end. The right person is going to want to commit to you at the end of the day and remember that this could take time so just be patient with the process and create an abundant dating life for yourself for the time being. This way, you are not left dwelling on the one man who might not even be so serious about you to begin with.

Don’t Be So Available – I see it all the time where women give so much of their time and literally jump through hoops for a man’s attention. For example, just because a guy calls you at a certain time everyday does not mean you are obligated to take the call 100% of the time. This is a huge mistake in my opinion. I understand that it is good to keep the connection going but by always being by the phone signals to the man that you are always ready to take his calls at the drop of a hat and you might not have much of a life which is not all too attractive. Generally speaking, being TOO giving, especially in the very beginning oftentimes has the OPPOSITE effect in the long run. Why? It conveys emotional neediness, dependency issues, and potentially a lack of self love. I say that because there should be a relatively equal give and take within a relationship as opposed to someone giving up all their time and energy so easily and so soon. A woman who lacks self love will often make a ton of sacrifices even if that means sacrificing their own best interests just to keep the man in the picture. This is not a good habit and something to be mindful of! If you are busy, it is okay to express that because the guy should be understanding of your time and know that you will eventually get back to him when you are available again. This also establishes healthy boundaries from the start which is a good thing.

Less is Always MoreThe less you do, the more you gain! Ladies, please trust me on this basic principle even if it sounds counterintuintive! Let me give you an example. Have you ever noticed that the men whom you have very little interest in or perhaps a pesky ex who does not get the hint that it is over will chase you constantly when you are not even responding or doing a thing to show that you are interested? They keep persisting even though in many cases, you want nothing to do with them? There is a reason for this. By ignoring them, it is creating a motivating force from within to pursue you even more and to work even harder to gain any ounce of your time and validation. It is for this reason that you should apply this same principle to the actual people who you DO like. I am not saying to outright ignore the guy at all times but what I am saying is to not go out of your way to be the first one to text how his day is going or to form a connection. Again, you need to leave HIM wondering what you are up to. Don’t be scared that if there are long gaps of space between your interactions, then he will forget about you–quite the contrary. If he is interested, he will be thinking about you even more and will probably go out of his way to keep the connection going–which is a good sign. If you notice that he continues to reduce his level of contact as time goes on, then you have your answer and can happily move on. Remember that when someone is genuinely interested, providing space is not going to deter the person from pursuing, it will actually do the opposite by keeping the attraction up and propelling the person to take action in order to fill the gaps.

Quiet Confidence – Why It Is Attractive AF and How to Obtain It

Many people associate confident people to be the ones who make a grand entrance and/or stand out amongst a crowd. They might enjoy seeking attention from everyone around them along with being very popular. While these people can be labeled as confident, the truth of the matter is–that might not always be the case. These same people might be in desperate need of social validation in order to feel loved and good about themselves which shows that underneath the surface, they are actually deeply insecure individuals.

This leads me to the topic of what I call “quiet confidence” where someone is confident but might not come off that way because he/she does not have a showy personality and is quiet by nature. You won’t hear this person brag or try to show off to others that they are attractive, smart, etc. because they already know inside that this is the case so there is zero need to flaunt it to those around them. That is not to say that they don’t acknowledge their successes and greatness to others, it is just that they have a more modest approach to life and do not need to be the center of attention in order to raise their confidence levels. Personally, I find people who are quietly confident to be super attractive. They actually stand out more to me and pique my interest because they are not trying as hard to obtain validation from others and are not the loudest people in a room. There are definitely ways to become more quietly confident that can be shared here.

Eliminate Bragging to Others – As I pointed out earlier, a person who has amazing qualities does not need to say so because it goes without saying. In other words, let others be the ones to point out why you are awesome as opposed to trying to sell to everyone that you are because it can come off that you do not truly believe it yourself which is why you need to prove to others that you are a certain way or on the other hand, that you are a conceited individual.

Don’t Overshare Your Life – I never like to be judgmental but if I have to be honest–I find those who constantly feel the need to overshare what they are doing all the time and who go out of their way to showcase how perfect their lives are tend to either be a total narcissist or someone who is attention seeking which are both rather negative traits to possess. It is nice to share some highlights but overdoing it can come off the wrong way and also show an emotional neediness which is far from being quietly confident.

Focus on Your Own Personal Path to Happiness – People tend to be so influenced by what they see other people doing which detracts from their own personal path to happiness. You need to ask yourself, “what brings me joy?” and then actually go out and pursue those things. Who really cares what everyone else is doing, it matters more what you are doing and how you choose to steer the direction of your life! Those who are quietly confident just do their own thing without really caring about impressing others while they continue to follow their own path because they are confident about their life choices and where their personal path leads.

You Can Be Both Smart AND Beautiful – You Can Actually Be ANYTHING

Sometimes you hear people say that people can either be intelligent or attractive but why can’t people CHOOSE to be both? I emphasize the word “choose” because it is up to us as individuals to determine what our best qualities are. Even if other people might not perceive you to be a certain way, what ultimately matters most is how you perceive yourself. For example, you might not be someone’s type look wise but does that mean that you are not attractive? Absolutely NOT! Of course you are! The key is to train your mindset to truly believe that you are! 😉 Remember that your thoughts do become things so if you believe that you are a certain way, then you will possess these qualities because your mind determined that they are indeed factual. This goes for intelligence and pretty much any desirable quality that is out there. Just because someone doesn’t classify you a certain way, that should not be an indicator of your authentic being.

When prevents people from being the best version of themselves is a weak mindset paired with a lack of confidence. If you recognize that you do not think very highly of yourself, the good news is that there are ways to change that and like most things in life, it is never too late to start! The best way to change your outlook is to create positive affirmations for yourself. These can be written down on index cards and read aloud as a reminder. This might sound like a silly thing to do but that is how manifestation works is by repetition and a strong focus on a desired outcome. It is amazing that when you are consistent and persistent, the internal work that you put into your self development actually transforms into a reality. Ultimately you can be ANYTHING that you want to be as long as you are in control of your mind and you are always striving to be the best that you can be! 🙂

How Self Love Impacts Your Life on All Levels

One of the many themes of this blog is the topic of self love. What is “self love” exactly? I would describe self love as having a good level of inner confidence along with self respect. When you possess self love, it serves as a spiritual asset to guide your life’s path and allow for you to make the right decisions in order to live your very best life. For example, when you are dating, having a high level of self love will ensure that you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of because you love yourself enough to set the right boundaries and terminate any relationship that does not best suit you. In your professional life, self love can be used as a self motivator by pushing you to strive for everything that you believe that you deserve.

If you do not feel that you are in a good place within your life, it is a good idea to examine self and determine what areas need improvement and ways in which you can increase self love. I truly believe that if you have self love, you will pursue your life with a purpose and find genuine happiness no matter what you do in the outside world because of the fact that you feel so good on the inside. It is natural to feel down every so often but if at the core, you love who you are as a person and know your self worth, you will always rise above. This is why you have to make it a point to focus on building self love because it will not only enhance you as a person but also have the capacity to enhance your life.

The Best Things to Do When Someone Doesn’t Want to Be With You

When someone is distancing themselves from you or pulling away, it is natural to want to chase more or to try harder to earn back their validation. It is also common to see someone chase after someone they care about once the other person breaks up with them. People tend to hold onto false hope and optimism that by sticking around or by chasing the other person, this person will eventually change their mind and want to be together again or maybe build attraction again. The truth of the matter is, this typically has the OPPOSITE effect and is the wrong psychology. The reason why this is not effective is that if the other person has made up their mind already that they do not want to be with you or continue a relationship, then giving more of your attention is going to actually repel the other person and probably turn them off even more. The only way that there is a chance that things could potentially work out later is to remove your attention in its entirety and to provide them the space that they asked for. This gives the person the freedom and the time to think about what they want and the potential opportunity to miss you. That is why the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” exists is because sometimes time apart is needed in order to rekindle a connection or to realize how much this person was important to them. Keep in mind that there is no guarantee that the other person will miss you but at the very least, giving ample space allows for there to be a chance for this to happen.

Aside from giving the person space, you should also invest your energy into bettering yourself and moving on completely. It is a waste of time to go after someone who doesn’t see your value or want to be with you–bottom line. You are always better off leaving the person alone which also makes it easier for you to get over the person because you took your focus away from them. Also remember that there is no greater investment than investing in yourself and that you can do this in various ways. You can pick up a new hobby, spend quality time with friends, expand your career, etc. Your time is valuable so it is best to invest your time in self than investing it in someone who does not mutually feel the way same way about you. As I have mentioned previously, you naturally become more attractive to others when you possess self love and become your very best version of self but remember that regardless, you are doing this because YOU want to and not for anyone else.

How to Love Your Self Image – 3 Things You Can Do to Love Yourself the Way You Are

It is natural to care about your looks and your outward appearance. I think this can be a good thing as long as you also possess a healthy mindset to match your positive self image. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a negative perception of self which would allow for them to go through extreme measures to “look good.” For example, both women and men get fixated on certain things that might not be within their control such as their height, facial features, and body composition. Personally, it is mind blowing to me that people would want to get surgeries to totally change their face or change parts of their body that take away from their natural born identity. I am not saying that to put down anyone who has made that choice because to each their own and whatever makes someone feel happy about self; however, the majority of the time, I just do not think it is necessary. Think about it, no one should feel the need to take a drastic approach in altering themselves physically–especially if it is unsafe and can cause potential health risks down the line in order to look and feel good. So what can be done to love your self image that won’t require a major transformation?

Focus on Your Best Features – It is very easy for people to focus on what they lack but it is most important to shift that focus onto what one already does have. I believe everyone has attractive attributes and what you perceive as unattractive can actually be a complete turn on to someone else. Rather than comparing self to others and trying to fit into a mold of what society’s definition of “beauty” is, it is best to work with what you were born with and to maximize what you already have. Trust me, EVERYONE has something attractive about themselves if they choose to recognize it and fixate on it rather than thinking about what they do not like or what they think is “missing.”

Develop Your Own Unique Sense of Style – You do not need to be the most naturally good looking person in the world to have a great sense of style. This is also something that can change and evolve over time. Areas of style can include your choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, jewelry, accessories, etc. Everyone has the potential to be stylish or at the very least develop a style that works for you and enhances your best features. While it is helpful to keep an eye out on the latest trends, remember that trends come and go so it is better to determine your very own individual style that is true to yourself.

Work on Building Self Love From the Inside Out – It is important to realize that looks are not everything. Having a beautiful exterior does not mean much if a person has low self esteem and has an endless amount of internal issues. Sometimes the most generically attractive people in the world have the most problems and feel the worst about themselves. This leads me to my final point that it is essential to always be working on self development and to find ways to increase confidence on the inside as opposed to just putting all your energy into feeling good on the outside. When you genuinely feel great about yourself, it truly does radiate from the inside out which should always be the end goal.

Don’t Ever Become a Beggar Within Your Dating Life

There might be many instances in life where the expression, “Beggars can’t be choosers” applies but your dating life should never be one of them. People make excuses as to why they should settle or just date someone for the sake of having someone. I don’t care if you just got out of a relationship or marriage because failed relationships do not define you–finding love again can still be within your future. I don’t care how old you are because no one has an expiration date or a deadline as to when they find the love of their life. I don’t care if you’re currently unemployed, out of shape, have kids from a previous relationship, etc. Whatever the excuse is, it is time to throw them out the window because they are simply just excuses and do not have to stand in the way of you finding your very best relationship–whether that be with self (as there is nothing wrong with being single) or with a romantic partner.

It blows my mind when people apply these limitations because the result often leads to one settling for an undesirable relationship due to the belief that there are not enough options or a better suited option. Again, this is a scarcity mindset which prevents the creation of abundance in life. If you truly believe your options are limited, then guess what? Yeah, they unfortunately will stay limited because your inner most thoughts determine your reality.

In my opinion, choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in life and not one you should ever take lightly. No matter what your current circumstance is, you should never feel pressured to settle or go through the motions of staying in a long term relationship if you do not feel it is the right fit. You need to set the bar high and keep that bar high because you are deserving to be with someone who you choose to be with and in return this person chooses you back. Remember, it has to go both ways because it is a lost cause if you choose someone who doesn’t value you in the same exact way.

I remember once hearing on a television show many years ago that you should be with someone in which you feel like you hit the lottery. In other words, you want to be with someone who makes you feel incredibly lucky to have in your life. The only difference is, winning the lottery is based on luck whereas with finding love, you essentially CHOOSE your luck which is why you need to be a CHOOSER in your dating life, not a beggar who is willing to take any person who comes their way. True love is always worth the wait so remember to choose very wisely! ❤

Self Love Will Always Guide You in the Right Direction in Life

One of the many themes of my blog is the concept of “self love.” I don’t want this to be confused with narcissism because that is something I never encourage but self love is something that everyone should really proactively be trying to build an abundance of. Having a high level of self love develops not only your overall self esteem but also your self worth. When you possess self love and therefore understand your worth, it becomes much easier to make positive life decisions. Besides making better life decisions, you are also elevating your personal standards and heightening your level of respect towards self which are both equally important to your self development.

When people make bad life decisions or ones that are not for the greater good of their own life, the fundamental issue usually stems from their lack of love for self. Think about it, if you love yourself, are you going to choose to be with someone who cheats on you, abandons you, or just generally treats you with disrespect? HECK NO! You better not at least. Why? If you value yourself, you keep your path clear of ever getting into those types of relationships. Once you detect any sign of disrespect, you are up and out because you love yourself enough to know that you are better off being single and happy than to be locked into a toxic relationship that is only bringing your life down.

This applies to all aspects of your life, not just within your personal relationships. Think about your career. Are you going to work for a company where you feel overworked and/or underpaid? Some of you might because you feel the need to in order to survive or don’t believe there are better options (aka a scarcity mindset) but someone with self love is going to make the decision to find another job. Why? This person knows their worth and knows there is something way better out there as opposed to settling on a job that is not fulfilling them both spiritually and financially.

My point is, when you develop a high level of self love, it becomes much easier to make better life decisions because you are always putting yourself first–as you should! There is nothing wrong with that and you are not being selfish for doing so. While of course it is a priority to take care of others such as our family members, friends, and loved ones, please do not ever neglect taking care of yourself. Keep in mind that we also need to take care of ourselves in order to become the best versions of ourselves for the people we care about most.

On a final note, remember that self love will always guide you in the right direction in life by propelling you to make the very best decisions and also know that loving yourself will always lead you to a path of infinite happiness. 🙂 ❤