One of the many themes of this blog is the topic of self love. What is “self love” exactly? I would describe self love as having a good level of inner confidence along with self respect. When you possess self love, it serves as a spiritual asset to guide your life’s path and allow for you to make the right decisions in order to live your very best life. For example, when you are dating, having a high level of self love will ensure that you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of because you love yourself enough to set the right boundaries and terminate any relationship that does not best suit you. In your professional life, self love can be used as a self motivator by pushing you to strive for everything that you believe that you deserve.
If you do not feel that you are in a good place within your life, it is a good idea to examine self and determine what areas need improvement and ways in which you can increase self love. I truly believe that if you have self love, you will pursue your life with a purpose and find genuine happiness no matter what you do in the outside world because of the fact that you feel so good on the inside. It is natural to feel down every so often but if at the core, you love who you are as a person and know your self worth, you will always rise above. This is why you have to make it a point to focus on building self love because it will not only enhance you as a person but also have the capacity to enhance your life.
People focus much of their attention on appearances and by that, I do not just mean their outward appearance such as their physical looks but also how they appear to other people. We live in a society that very much judges others based on what is seen on the exterior. I understand that it is for this reason why people put such a huge emphasis on how they come across and are seen by others in real life and on social media. However, people should really put more of their attention towards building up their substance as individuals and who they are in the inside and not just the outside.
This is why you often hear, “don’t judge a book by its cover” because there is definitely validity behind this common adage. I can think of a handful of times where I misjudged people based on appearances and I was totally wrong about the person. I am sure everyone has experienced this before for the good or for the bad. This goes with attraction too where someone might not be as physically attractive in your eyes but because the person has substance and truly is beautiful in the inside, this makes the person an attractive one despite the exterior. In contrast, you might meet someone who you find to be incredibly good looking but because there is a lack of substance and/or chemistry, you do not view the person as attractive anymore. It is kind of like an optical illusion where what you see is not what you get which is why looks really are not everything!
Substance is an asset that often is never mentioned but holds so much value and in some, is never really fully developed. The good news is that there are ways to build up substance and to make this a focal point in your self development. I believe the best way to do this is to cultivate your passions and interests on an authentic level. In other words, do not go through the motions of doing things for the sake of it or because you see everyone doing something on social media. You need to figure out what brings you joy and what are the things that you most naturally gravitate towards most. Everyone is born with their own unique set of talents, interests, strengths, and abilities. It is your job to determine what they are and to expand on them. This will not only bring you genuine happiness in life but oftentimes it will fulfill a purpose by providing meaning and substance to the core of your soul. Substance is what carries you in life and serves as a helpful tool to attract the right opportunities and people into your Universe which is why it is a necessity to possess a good amount of it.
When someone is distancing themselves from you or pulling away, it is natural to want to chase more or to try harder to earn back their validation. It is also common to see someone chase after someone they care about once the other person breaks up with them. People tend to hold onto false hope and optimism that by sticking around or by chasing the other person, this person will eventually change their mind and want to be together again or maybe build attraction again. The truth of the matter is, this typically has the OPPOSITE effect and is the wrong psychology. The reason why this is not effective is that if the other person has made up their mind already that they do not want to be with you or continue a relationship, then giving more of your attention is going to actually repel the other person and probably turn them off even more. The only way that there is a chance that things could potentially work out later is to remove your attention in its entirety and to provide them the space that they asked for. This gives the person the freedom and the time to think about what they want and the potential opportunity to miss you. That is why the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” exists is because sometimes time apart is needed in order to rekindle a connection or to realize how much this person was important to them. Keep in mind that there is no guarantee that the other person will miss you but at the very least, giving ample space allows for there to be a chance for this to happen.
Aside from giving the person space, you should also invest your energy into bettering yourself and moving on completely. It is a waste of time to go after someone who doesn’t see your value or want to be with you–bottom line. You are always better off leaving the person alone which also makes it easier for you to get over the person because you took your focus away from them. Also remember that there is no greater investment than investing in yourself and that you can do this in various ways. You can pick up a new hobby, spend quality time with friends, expand your career, etc. Your time is valuable so it is best to invest your time in self than investing it in someone who does not mutually feel the way same way about you. As I have mentioned previously, you naturally become more attractive to others when you possess self love and become your very best version of self but remember that regardless, you are doing this because YOU want to and not for anyone else.
I don’t think many people would have ever predicted that they would be living through a pandemic within their lifetime. I know for me personally, it was something that never crossed my mind and now it is a life experience that we can all agree is unforgettable and one that we will remember looking back on for years to come. When I reflect about where I was exactly two years ago on March 15th, 2020–it is a day that I can reflect upon quite vividly. I was on an airplane flying from Arizona back to New Jersey. No one was really wearing masks yet and I was not so concerned about catching the virus but was more nervous about whether I would be able to fly back safely without being in a situation where we would have to be quarantined. Covid-19 was labeled a global pandemic just a few days prior and everything was beginning to shut down. I remember thinking to myself on that plane ride that I cannot get back home to New Jersey fast enough. A few days before my flight, people were encouraging me to cancel my trip altogether but I knew then that it was now or never. I am glad that I followed my instincts because I have not been on an airplane since that date and things progressively had gotten worse as time went on.
In addition to my flight home, I also had a wake to attend later that same afternoon. Everything was normal at that time as a normal wake would be but if it had occurred even a week or two later, I do not know if there would have been a public wake service at all because there was a point where wake and funeral services had to be put on hold or just not occur at all.
Although I had arrived back home safely on March 15th, just two days later on March 17th was when everything had officially shut down in the USA which meant schools, gyms, restaurants, and so much more. It is crazy to think back at that time where everyone was asked to quarantine and stay at home for so many months. It felt like there was a pause button placed on our lives yet we were witnessing on the news day in and day out how many people were suffering throughout the entire world. It was a time of such uncertainty in our lives and impacted every single individual one way or another.
Fast forwarding a full two years to where we are now on March 15th, 2022, I would say that although the pandemic is not officially over, we are finally at a good place where cases are going down and it appears that the virus has become much milder since the initial variant. It is the first time in a really long time that I feel as though we are moving towards a more “normal” life again although it might take many years to ever live a life that was close to our pre-pandemic lives. While the pandemic brought upon us many challenges and misfortunes, I do believe with that comes many life lessons. It was also a time to appreciate some of the simplest joys and to embrace those moments of solitude which might have made people feel lonely at times (myself included). As the pandemic begins to fade away, I look forward to seeing the people that I haven’t seen in a long time and I cannot wait to travel again, even if that means domestically at the present moment. Little by little, things are bound to get better again and we just have to keep looking forward with a positive state of mind.
I can tell a lot about a person’s self confidence level based on their dating choices. When someone tells me that they are with someone who neglects, cheats, and/or shares with me instances of any other extreme form of disrespect–this illustrates to me that this person does not have enough self love or thinks very highly of self.Why? When people possess a high level of self confidence and loves self, then you will find that they are not in these unhealthy relationships or bad situations to begin with. They are able to put themselves FIRST and foremost before their significant other with ease and will opt to find their very best match as opposed to dating someone who doesn’t meet their standards. They also do not have a tolerance for bad behavior or any signs of mistreatment and are ready to walk away altogether whenever they see any reoccurring red flag in a relationship.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are unhappy with your partner, it is important to dig deep and determine the reasons why you feel that way while also taking the time to look from within and examine your own level of self love. If you feel down about yourself, it might not be the best time in your life to be in a relationship. The reason being that you need to love self and be your best self before pursuing dating on a serious level. If you can work on yourself, not only are you benefiting your very best asset (that’s you) but you are also setting yourself up for attracting a desirable partner whom you can offer your best while also receiving the best in return. It is a win/win situation on both sides and the foundation of a fulfilling and rewarding relationship when you have two people who equally feel confident about themselves along with the overall success of their relationship.
Life is filled with many opportunities and it is up to you to make the right life decisions in order to live your very best life. People tend to think that we don’t have much control of our lives and that we have to settle for undesirable outcomes. No one needs to settle for anything! Remember, we all have one life to live. Why not make it an amazing one? That is why it is helpful to do a little bit of spiritual homework on your end and take the time to actually determine what that means to you. This is why vision boards or Universe journals are helpful tools in guiding you to illustrate what you want your future to look like. Even though this works for me and I always advise others to do the same, if you choose not to–the good news is that you can still proactively make the right choices and live a very good life.
I often times think about how it might take a series of good decisions to get to where you want to be. This is all part of the process and this is why it important to really think things through as opposed to making hasty or impulsive decisions. The start of each day brings upon a new beginning and gives you the opportunity to start fresh. Your destiny might not be heavily impacted by a single day but more so over a series of events or a longer period of time. It is refreshing to know that you are the creator of your destiny and that it is always in motion as long as you take action and focus on what you want most in your future.
Every so often, you will find that you did not make a great choice and you might feel set back in certain ways. This is totally normal and is to be expected because life is not designed to be perfect. It is how you learn from your mistakes and decide to change the course of your life that will put you back on the right track again. I do believe that sometimes it is necessary to go through bad things in order to get to the greater good. Remember that it is never too late to shift your life into a more positive direction and that you have the capacity to live your best life–one great decision at a time.
There are many people who are stuck thinking about their past or wish they could go back to a certain time of their lives. I suppose that it is normal to feel this way at times; however, we have to understand that life is always in motion and that it is always moving FORWARD. I thought of an easy equation that applies to life:
Future > Past
Your future is always greater than your past…
If you understand this golden rule of life, you will always feel invigorated thinking about your future–as you should! I want to emphasize that I am not promising a perfect future or saying that there aren’t going to be setbacks along the way. Of course, there are ups and downs within everyone’s life but understand that sometimes you need to go through the bad times to get to even greater times. The reason being is that you grow from these experiences and become stronger along the way.
Personally, I never get stuck in the past. Why? As I mentioned, I genuinely believe that the future is always greater than the past. There is so much to look forward to during the course of our lifetimes and many life experiences we have yet to experience. Isn’t it exciting to think about the FUTURE and where it could lead? 🙂
One of the many themes of my blog is the concept of “self love.” I don’t want this to be confused with narcissism because that is something I never encourage but self love is something that everyone should really proactively be trying to build an abundance of. Having a high level of self love develops not only your overall self esteem but also your self worth. When you possess self love and therefore understand your worth, it becomes much easier to make positive life decisions. Besides making better life decisions, you are also elevating your personal standards and heightening your level of respect towards self which are both equally important to your self development.
When people make bad life decisions or ones that are not for the greater good of their own life, the fundamental issue usually stems from their lack of love for self. Think about it, if you love yourself, are you going to choose to be with someone who cheats on you, abandons you, or just generally treats you with disrespect? HECK NO! You better not at least. Why? If you value yourself, you keep your path clear of ever getting into those types of relationships. Once you detect any sign of disrespect, you are up and out because you love yourself enough to know that you are better off being single and happy than to be locked into a toxic relationship that is only bringing your life down.
This applies to all aspects of your life, not just within your personal relationships. Think about your career. Are you going to work for a company where you feel overworked and/or underpaid? Some of you might because you feel the need to in order to survive or don’t believe there are better options (aka a scarcity mindset) but someone with self love is going to make the decision to find another job. Why? This person knows their worth and knows there is something way better out there as opposed to settling on a job that is not fulfilling them both spiritually and financially.
My point is, when you develop a high level of self love, it becomes much easier to make better life decisions because you are always putting yourself first–as you should! There is nothing wrong with that and you are not being selfish for doing so. While of course it is a priority to take care of others such as our family members, friends, and loved ones, please do not ever neglect taking care of yourself. Keep in mind that we also need to take care of ourselves in order to become the best versions of ourselves for the people we care about most.
On a final note, remember that self love will always guide you in the right direction in life by propelling you to make the very best decisions and also know that loving yourself will always lead you to a path of infinite happiness. 🙂 ❤
The majority of the time, we strive for security in most areas of our lives which provide us a high level of comfort. Being in a comfortable state is definitely a reassuring feeling but at the same, we need to be conscientious as to when we become too comfortable. There is such a thing as being too comfortable which hinders spiritual growth and prevents people from living life at their full potential. Think about when you go to play a video game. How boring would it be to keep playing level one constantly when you already mastered it? People like to play for the challenge and strive to move up to higher levels as opposed to just staying at the same level the entire time. Life should be approached in the same way. You start at the first level but you level up by taking on the challenges that come along the way and by setting goals that you want to achieve over time. There will be times where you might feel as though you are stuck at a certain level for quite some time before you reach the next big milestone but that is okay as long as you are looking towards your future and you are making the effort to move up which will provide progression over time.
Even though challenges can easily take you out of your comfort zone, you should consider this to be a very positive thing as it promotes change–usually for the better. When you are not challenging yourself, you are staying stagnant. If you are staying stagnant, you are just coasting through life when you should always be looking forward towards what’s next and how you can make your life even better than the current state that you are living today. In addition, adding challenges to your life can build character, mental strength, and confidence. There truly is much more to be gained by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone which is why it is beneficial to not stay there for long periods of time.
Take a moment to think about where you are right now. Are you continuing to set goals for yourself? Are you looking at the bigger picture of your life and creating challenges so you do not stay stagnant? Are you laser focused on where you want to be tomorrow or a few years from now?It is okay if you are not where you want to be at the present moment as long as you have an end goal set in your mind as knowing what you want and being specific about it is the first major step. From there, you can plan ahead by taking the action steps needed which often includes embracing new challenges and removing yourself from your comfort zone. Ultimately, this will elevate your future to great heights.
Over the years, I have taken the time to really appreciate the quality of life which for me means having more time to myself for leisure activities, an active social life, and of course much needed alone time to feel fully recharged. I strongly believe in hard work but it is just as important to be able to enjoy life–whatever that means to you.
Take Care of Yourself by Adapting a Healthier Lifestyle – I always preach about developing healthy habits which can include eating higher quality foods and paying attention to portion control. It is okay to indulge but again, it is all about keeping everything within moderation. Besides a good diet, taking the time to exercise each day is also very important for increasing your longevity and overall well being.
Make Time for Vacations and Day Trips – People who work a lot often times do not take the time to actually plan a real vacation. I would suggest thinking about new places you want to explore and putting the money aside for it including the flight, accommodations, and entertainment money. Besides planning at least one big vacation, it is also good to plan long weekends and local day trips. Life experiences like travel are incredibly rewarding so be sure to make the time for it.
Stay Organized in All Areas of Your Life – Organization is such an important life skill but one that sometimes gets overlooked, especially when you are super busy. This can first start within your home and your surroundings by making a conscious effort to keep these areas neat and clutter free. If that means getting rid of items that are not practical, then take the time to do so. Aside from your living space, it is also a good habit to keep a planner or to do lists to keep your actual life organized or at least provide some structure. This will help you improve the quality of your life by allowing you to gain more control of how you spend your time each day.
Sleep More – Take Naps If Needed – When you work full time and have what it feels like ten million responsibilities each day, it is very easy to cut back on the amount of sleep you are getting each night. If this applies to you, I would suggest finding spare time in your day where you can take a power nap or by getting in the habit of going to bed earlier or sleeping in a little if you have a schedule that can allow for that.
Turn Cell Phone Notifications Off – It is really hard to imagine life without a cell phone nowadays. As much as it has improved the quality of our lives by allowing us to easily stay connected with others, have information at our finger tips, and apps for just about anything, there also comes a time it is healthy to turn the notifications off. If you are with other company, trying to be productive, working, or in a situation where you do not need to be attached to your phone, it is okay to put it aside and not check it for a few hours. You would be amazed how much quality time you can add back to your everyday life just by putting your cell phone down every so often.
This is just a short list of suggestions for improving the quality of your life that have really worked for me in recent years and are good things to apply if you do not already. All it takes is some added mindfulness and taking small steps to make these daily changes that will make an impact over time.