There are many factors that can hinder people from having a successful dating life and one of the biggest that I see are those who possess a scarcity mindset. What is a scarcity mindset and how does it apply to dating? A scarcity mindset stems from the thought that there are limited options and that there are not enough resources to go around. So as a result, a person with a scarcity mindset believes that they must hold onto dear life everything that they have because something else might not come their way. I can assure you that this is extremely far from the truth! Let’s not forget that we live in an abundant world with lots of opportunities which means that you should never settle upon anything and this is especially true when it comes to dating!
Here are the most common things that I hear people say and I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way to think because it is coming from a place of scarcity when you should train your brain to live ABUNDANTLY.
“I am not happy with my current relationship but I do not think that I could ever find someone again.” – This is a horrible way to think! This essentially is saying that it is okay to settle for unhappiness because there is no hope in finding someone who could be a better suited match. I do believe that two people can find a healthy way to make things work within a relationship but at the same time, if in your heart you know that this is not the one, it is not wise to keep the relationship going just because you do not think you could find someone better. You won’t know unless you break off the relationship, put yourself out there, and explore other dating opportunities.
“I do not think that I will ever find someone this good so I will do whatever it takes to keep them in my life, even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices that I am not happy about.” – This to me not only conveys that this person has a scarcity mindset but it also shows that this person holds onto many insecurities. I say this because a secure person would not feel they have to bend over backwards just to keep someone around and would want an equal partnership. Someone who is very insecure might feel they have to do a lot in order to compensate for what they are lacking inside and feel that they will only be loved if they go above and beyond for the other person even if that means that the other person is not reciprocating and treats them as a doormat.
“I am never going to find anyone so what is the point of even looking?” – Wow, I do not think it could get much worse than this! This is such a depressing way to think and goes to show that a person that thinks this way is not thinking with an abundant mind. A person with an abundance mindset would know that there is someone for everyone and that they will eventually find their match because there are plenty of people they could connect with and potentially date.
There is the common saying, “no risk, no reward” and I have to say that this is a valuable statement that applies to life. Think about it, if you always stayed in your comfort zone and did not take chances in life, not only would your life be very boring but it would stay stagnant. There wouldn’t be much change and if there isn’t much change, then there wouldn’t be much personal growth or wisdom to gain along with any potential rewards. It is for this reason, that you should embrace taking risks from time to time. You need to put yourself out there and chase what you want in your life, even if that means that you might not get that golden opportunity (don’t worry, our abundant Universe has a ton more to offer to you 😉 ) or that the chance that you are taking doesn’t work out as planned.
While taking risks can make you feel uneasy because there is no guaranteed outcome and it can sometimes bring upon rejection or a hurt ego, taking risks is a necessary part of life, both on a personal and professional level. Rejection is okay and shouldn’t be viewed as a negative thing because rejection builds resilience and can ultimately propel you to try even harder the next time. You would not make any gains in your life unless risk is involved. Most successful people took a ton of risks to get to where they are today and did not let failures or setbacks stand in their way. Remember that taking risks is a part of the process and that it is a win/win in the long run even if you do not receive your desired results immediately because it takes time to achieve amazing results and to manifest everything that you want in your life. It is more risky to do nothing and not take risks than whatever risk that is presented to you that you are not taking. So take your chances and do not be afraid to take risks–you might not only be surprised by what comes of it but you will also get much further in your life by doing so!
Last week, I wrote an article for women with some dating advice and decided to follow up this week with a dating advice blog for men. While certain advice applies to both genders, there is certain advice that is gender specific. I wrote previously about how women are motivated by relationships that lead to marriage; however, with men–it is safe to say that most men are motivated to connect with women on a physical level. There is nothing wrong with that but what creates a divide is when men rush that phase of the process and/or fail to focus on the emotional connection as well. Most women do not want to be objectified by men or feel as though that men are only looking to hook up with them. Many men make the mistake of coming on too strong physically whether that is with their actions or their words. This can easily turn off a woman in its entirety or she will just come to the conclusion that the guy is not a serious guy along with labeling him as a waste of her time and moving on to a better catch.
This leads to a very important question: How do men avoid this from happening and become the ultimate catch in the eyes of the woman of their interest? First and foremost, as I want to point out from the start, it is essential to actually BE A CATCH! From there, men can work on certain skills to improve their dating lives because as we all know–good looks, success, money, assets, etc. are never enough if a man does not know how to treat a woman. Men need to learn to also be patient with the process like women but for different reasons. They need to build intimacy slowly (in other words, do not rush the pace of their physical relationship) AND invest emotionally at the same time. It is possible to create genuine intimacy through physical touch such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc. WITHOUT sex being involved. I truly believe that intimacy is the key to creating natural attraction and developing an attachment between two people which ultimately can lead to both a long term relationship and an incredibly satisfying physical one as well over time when it is supposed to. While I tell women not to rush into serious relationships, the same goes for men to stop rushing into a physical relationship with a woman without taking the proper time that is needed to actually get to know her and to bond with her by establishing a deep emotional connection first.
If you authentically like a woman and are pursuing her for the right reasons, it is important to SHOW her this by being consistent in your efforts when emotionally investing in her while building intimacy without pushing the envelope when it comes to having a physical relationship with her right away. This also creates trust and will make her feel more comfortable with you when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. Even if she is open to exploring a physical relationship with you after a short time of knowing you, I still recommend denying her of sex to make it clear that you are not interested in her for a casual relationship and that you want to continue to better get to know each other first. In return, this will also earn more of her RESPECT towards you and most likely make her feel even more attracted to you (yes, it is amazing how reverse psychology often works as it does here). As always, remember to TRUST THE PROCESS because anything worth your while will take time so you might as well enjoy it while continuing to stay confident in your abilities to manifest your desires!
I am actually typing from my cell phone right now because I am away on vacation but I came across this at a boutique and wanted to share this simple yet powerful message: “Abundance is a mindset.”
I couldn’t agree more with this statement! When I reflect upon my own life and feel a heightened sense of gratitude in regards to everything I have manifested and have attracted at this stage of my life, it is apparent that I have a positive outlook along with a deep spiritual connection with the Universe.
I often preach about having an abundance mindset within my blog because I truly believe we live in a world with unlimited resources and opportunities. In order to receive, it is essential that you trust the process and believe that everything you desire is on the way and that it is attainable. If you have doubts or don’t think that your desires are actual possibilities, then you will never manifest your very best life. Trust me, if you keep your mind abundant, everything does fall into place at the right time in your life so don’t ever let negativity get in the way of that.
We live in a society that is obsessed with youth. Whether you are consciously aware of it or you are not, there is no denying that people want to stay young and that there are many out there who get depressed at the thought of aging. While celebrating a birthday should be seen as a happy milestone each year, as people get older, there are many who do not view it this way and do not enjoy acknowledging that they are getting older. While it is understanding up to a point why people feel this way, I am here to remind you that this is not the right mindset to have! I remember talking to someone awhile ago about this subject and the person was saying that people should be grateful for each year that they get to live and embrace the physical changes that come along with that because there are some people that never get that opportunity to experience aging because they passed at a young age. This was something that stuck with me because this is all very true. We all need to appreciate our lives today because there is never a guarantee that there is a tomorrow.
On a brighter note, I want to share my mindset when it comes to aging: Life should only get better with age. What I mean by that is that as we get older, we should have collected more life experiences along with heightening our very own self development. These are both great spiritual assets that are often not received until much later in life. When I look back on my youth, while I might have appeared to be at the “prime” of my life; I did not have as much then as I do today. I would still choose to be where I am at the present moment rather than wishing I could go back to my younger days because life is always moving forward and day by day, I am continuing to progress. While being younger might have its perks, the truth comes back to my mindset that life gets better with age! Remember that if you choose to think this way, you will be able to manifest much more abundance into your life and attract the positive experiences that you have yet to live! It is all coming your way if you believe that the very best is in your FUTURE and that “the best is yet to come!” 😉
Exactly two years ago, I created this blog makeupthelifeyoulove.com. I can’t believe that I have been blogging for the past couple years as the time feels as though it goes by faster and faster. I noticed that I recently have picked up some new subscribers over the past couple of months in which I want to extend a warm welcome! 🙂 If there is ever a topic or subject matter that you would like me to write about, please do not hesitate to send them my way as I am always thinking of valuable content for my readers and if there is something that is of interest to you, there is a good chance that other readers will also find it interesting.
My writing schedule has been twice a week but I decided that I will reduce it to once a week as we are moving into the summer months as I would like to enjoy more of my free time off to catch up with friends/family and hopefully get back into travel again even if that means local travel. In addition, I actually want to begin a new writing project. It has always been on my bucket list to write a book and getting into the practice of blogging has motivated me to take it a step further. I wanted to get into the habit of writing a blog as a hobby first before even considering taking on writing a book. So the extra time during the week that I usually use to blog, I want to put some of that time towards writing a book that will be a work in progress. I might not work on it consistently each day but at the very least, I want to get started and invest my energy into something that could add even more spiritual meaning into people’s lives. I appreciate all your support and loyalty thus far and I will keep you posted on my progress as time goes on. In the meantime, I will still be here to blog! 😉
I have always enjoyed playing the game chess because in order to be a good player, you need to be able to think a few steps ahead when you are moving the pieces in hopes to checkmate the other opponent’s king by the very end. I also like to play chess because I like games that involve strategy and that are mentally challenging. Does playing a game of chess apply to life? In my opinion, it very much does so!
When it comes to life, an important question that you should always be asking yourself is, “what is your next move?” This allows for you to think about your future and to plan the action steps that are needed to get to your desired outcome. If you choose to live day by day without looking at the bigger picture, you might end up staying stagnant in life for quite some time and you also run the risk of limiting your full potential. It is for this reason that you should always be asking what your next move is whether it be within your professional or personal life. It matters to focus on the direction that you want to go and to take the steps necessary to keep you on the right track. Whether it is a game of chess or your life, every move you make matters so think thoroughly and with a purpose!
One of the many themes of this blog is the topic of self love. What is “self love” exactly? I would describe self love as having a good level of inner confidence along with self respect. When you possess self love, it serves as a spiritual asset to guide your life’s path and allow for you to make the right decisions in order to live your very best life. For example, when you are dating, having a high level of self love will ensure that you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of because you love yourself enough to set the right boundaries and terminate any relationship that does not best suit you. In your professional life, self love can be used as a self motivator by pushing you to strive for everything that you believe that you deserve.
If you do not feel that you are in a good place within your life, it is a good idea to examine self and determine what areas need improvement and ways in which you can increase self love. I truly believe that if you have self love, you will pursue your life with a purpose and find genuine happiness no matter what you do in the outside world because of the fact that you feel so good on the inside. It is natural to feel down every so often but if at the core, you love who you are as a person and know your self worth, you will always rise above. This is why you have to make it a point to focus on building self love because it will not only enhance you as a person but also have the capacity to enhance your life.
People focus much of their attention on appearances and by that, I do not just mean their outward appearance such as their physical looks but also how they appear to other people. We live in a society that very much judges others based on what is seen on the exterior. I understand that it is for this reason why people put such a huge emphasis on how they come across and are seen by others in real life and on social media. However, people should really put more of their attention towards building up their substance as individuals and who they are in the inside and not just the outside.
This is why you often hear, “don’t judge a book by its cover” because there is definitely validity behind this common adage. I can think of a handful of times where I misjudged people based on appearances and I was totally wrong about the person. I am sure everyone has experienced this before for the good or for the bad. This goes with attraction too where someone might not be as physically attractive in your eyes but because the person has substance and truly is beautiful in the inside, this makes the person an attractive one despite the exterior. In contrast, you might meet someone who you find to be incredibly good looking but because there is a lack of substance and/or chemistry, you do not view the person as attractive anymore. It is kind of like an optical illusion where what you see is not what you get which is why looks really are not everything!
Substance is an asset that often is never mentioned but holds so much value and in some, is never really fully developed. The good news is that there are ways to build up substance and to make this a focal point in your self development. I believe the best way to do this is to cultivate your passions and interests on an authentic level. In other words, do not go through the motions of doing things for the sake of it or because you see everyone doing something on social media. You need to figure out what brings you joy and what are the things that you most naturally gravitate towards most. Everyone is born with their own unique set of talents, interests, strengths, and abilities. It is your job to determine what they are and to expand on them. This will not only bring you genuine happiness in life but oftentimes it will fulfill a purpose by providing meaning and substance to the core of your soul. Substance is what carries you in life and serves as a helpful tool to attract the right opportunities and people into your Universe which is why it is a necessity to possess a good amount of it.
When someone is distancing themselves from you or pulling away, it is natural to want to chase more or to try harder to earn back their validation. It is also common to see someone chase after someone they care about once the other person breaks up with them. People tend to hold onto false hope and optimism that by sticking around or by chasing the other person, this person will eventually change their mind and want to be together again or maybe build attraction again. The truth of the matter is, this typically has the OPPOSITE effect and is the wrong psychology. The reason why this is not effective is that if the other person has made up their mind already that they do not want to be with you or continue a relationship, then giving more of your attention is going to actually repel the other person and probably turn them off even more. The only way that there is a chance that things could potentially work out later is to remove your attention in its entirety and to provide them the space that they asked for. This gives the person the freedom and the time to think about what they want and the potential opportunity to miss you. That is why the quote, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” exists is because sometimes time apart is needed in order to rekindle a connection or to realize how much this person was important to them. Keep in mind that there is no guarantee that the other person will miss you but at the very least, giving ample space allows for there to be a chance for this to happen.
Aside from giving the person space, you should also invest your energy into bettering yourself and moving on completely. It is a waste of time to go after someone who doesn’t see your value or want to be with you–bottom line. You are always better off leaving the person alone which also makes it easier for you to get over the person because you took your focus away from them. Also remember that there is no greater investment than investing in yourself and that you can do this in various ways. You can pick up a new hobby, spend quality time with friends, expand your career, etc. Your time is valuable so it is best to invest your time in self than investing it in someone who does not mutually feel the way same way about you. As I have mentioned previously, you naturally become more attractive to others when you possess self love and become your very best version of self but remember that regardless, you are doing this because YOU want to and not for anyone else.