Tag Archives: dating

Can Opposite Gender Friends Be a Threat on a Relationship?

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I notice that people tend to have very opposing views when it comes to having friends of the opposite sex. There are some people who do not think it is possible to have opposite gender friends without romantic feelings developing at some point from either party (or both) while others believe it is totally possible to form a platonic friendship without it leading to anything more. My immediate answer to this is that everything is situational. Of course there are instances where friends can become more than friends but there are also plenty of instances where these friendships are mutually platonic. The real question should be, when do they become a threat on a relationship?

Frequency of Contact – If someone is talking to a friend of the opposite sex quite often, like everyday and multiple times throughout the day, I would say this friend can easily be seen as a threat on any relationship. The reason being that this person is getting a ton of emotional support and attention from their friend which I think over time can allow for two people to develop a closer connection and for romantic feelings to start at any given point. Even if both parties initially had no attraction towards one another, this attraction can still build over time due to how often they stay connected on a daily basis.

Quality Time Spent – When two people spend quality time together, I think it is inevitable that two people can start to like each other. On the other hand, sometimes two people genuinely have the same interests and have the same hobbies so they might just get together to share these commonalities. If you’re in a relationship and you notice that your partner is meeting up with a friend privately (as in you are never invited) for long periods of time or often enough for you to notice, it is worth having a conversation to determine if this friend is really just a friend or if more is going on behind closed doors. If you make the assessment that the other person is more than a friend and your partner is more concerned with keeping them as a close friend, it is to your best interest to break it off before their relationship escalates to a point where you are going to be left heartbroken in the long run anyhow.

Type of Conversations – I am not sure the best way to word this but basically pay attention to what their conversations consist of. Do these two people work together and strictly talk about work? Or is there underlying flirting and deep conversations transpiring between the two? If you see one or both people are relying heavily on each other for emotional support as opposed to just talking about surface level stuff, then you have every right to question it and see it as a red flag. Again, the best way to get to bottom of it is to openly ask your partner. If you still feel uneasy about the situation then use your intuition as a guide to make a firm decision as to whether or not this relationship is worth continuing. Chances are that your intuition is spot on and that you should move on to find a partner who wants to give you their full attention and make you a top priority over these so-called “friends.”

Failed Relationships Don’t Make You A Failure

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With the end of any relationship, there can be a mix of emotions ranging from deep sadness to loneliness to emotional grief. No matter who initiated the breakup, I would say that most people usually feel down afterwards and that it is common for people to feel like a failure after any serious relationship or marriage ends. Although many people go into a relationship with their best intentions and the hopes for a long term future, it is inevitable that not all relationships are built to last forever and guess what–that’s OKAY!!! It is okay to break up a relationship if there wasn’t enough compatibility or if you grew apart or if you found yourself extremely unhappy with your partner. Whatever the case may be or whatever caused the relationship to end, it is important to remember that a failed relationship does not define you and that you should never feel like a failure because of it. It is up to you to keep your mind strong and let the time that is needed to heal so you can move on. By move on, that can mean different things to different people. For some, that might mean working on self and living an independent life. For others, that could mean finding the right life partner or companion at a later time in life. Everyone’s life journey is different and hence navigating life after a breakup is going to vary depending on one’s personal situation.

While coping with the breakup, rather than seeing it as wasted time or feeling like a failure, you have to look at the important life lessons you gained from it and utilize these lessons to shape you for a better future. From a spiritual standpoint, don’t question why you went through what you went through. Instead, recognize that the outcome all happened for a reason and that it ultimately had to happen to lead to the greater good of your life–which you have not even experienced yet. I truly believe that you have to go through some hardships at times to set yourself up for a better path. This is a gentle reminder that life cannot only consist of rainbows and happiness at all times. We all need to “fail” in order to succeed and this same basic principle applies to your personal relationships. While some relationships were destined to end, that doesn’t mean that you should give up on dating altogether or that you will continue to attract dead end relationships. Your mindset just needs to shift into a more positive one along with trusting that you will be okay and without a hint of doubt know that better things are on the horizon. ❤

I Don’t Trust Dating Coaches Who Do This

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Initially I wanted this blog to focus mostly on relationship topics; however, I did not want to limit myself in terms of the content as I like to cover various things ranging from health/fitness to manifestation to so much more. Although I am by no means a dating coach, I do believe I can offer valuable dating advice based upon basic psychology, examining other people’s dating lives, personal experiences, and dating coaches that I will listen to on YouTube from time to time. There are many who exist and even though some have a massive following, I don’t feel that they are necessarily the best out there. What I notice is that there are many dating coaches who gender bash the opposite sex in which I do not trust those type of dating coaches. Think about it, if you’re listening to a woman and you notice there’s an underlying pattern where she talks about how much men are useless and that they’re mostly players, why would anyone seek to listen to this person if their goal is to create a happy and healthy relationship? The same goes with male dating coaches. There are many male dating coaches who put women down and it can range from anything about a woman being too old to a woman being too young or how women keep multiple men around, cheat, and more. As a basic rule, if a dating coach puts down the opposite sex on a regular basis and that is one of their common themes, these are people who probably never recovered from their past or are just negative people to begin with.

I think if you are going to seek any type of relationship advice, you want to follow someone who actually has something good to say about the opposite sex and has a general positive outlook on dating. Relationships will have its ups and downs but at the end of the day, you still want to have a positive approach to dating. Dating coaches can be helpful but be selective in who you choose to listen to. Some have really great insight and knowledge whereas others just don’t bring much to the table in terms of providing quality advice. Aside from dating coaches, it is also helpful to rely most on your intuition when you are in the dating world and to talk to people within your support system who know you best when asking for any type of relationship advice.

Is Love Sustainable? – If So, How?

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When it comes to relationship success, many relationships and marriages unfortunately do not end up lasting over time; however, that does not have to be the case. Of course everlasting love does exist and there are couples who stay happily together for the long hall. I think people who are on the quest to find love are in hopes to find one partner to spend the rest of their lives with; however, a “happily ever after” ending does not always end up being the outcome. One has to wonder: Is love sustainable? – If so, how?

Mutually Make the Right Choice – The most important part of the love process really comes down to making the right life partner choice and really thinking about whether or not you see a future with this person–while also keeping in mind that this choice has to be MUTUAL. Too often I see people in a one-sided relationship from the start where one person is really into the other and the other person simply isn’t as invested or is just settling. As essential as it is to choose who you want to be with, the other person also needs to choose you in return and equally want the partnership. If you suspect that you are with someone that isn’t as into you or vice versa where in your heart you do not really love the person as much in return–please do everyone a favor and break it up before it gets too serious. This is why people need to truly follow their intuition better and do the right thing by ending a dead end relationship which will also keep the door open for a better suited match to come into your future when the time is right.

Put in the Work – Relationships like anything else in life require WORK and again, TWO people have to put in the work in order for the relationship to be a successful one. When you have one person putting in all the effort while the other person doesn’t, the relationship is bound to fizzle out over time. You need two people proactively doing what it takes to keep the relationship going which also includes having the capacity to make sacrifices when necessary for the greater good of the relationship. It is important to keep in mind that in the very beginning of any relationship, things are very easy and two people tend to be in what they call a “honeymoon phase.” After this time passes is the best time to determine whether or not you both want to work towards building a future together or not.

Communicate with the Same Love Languages – I’ll be honest, I was not familiar with the concept of love languages until much later in life. When I was first exposed to it, I questioned how important this really was in a relationship because I thought every love language was somewhat essential. Then I realized that people express love differently through various love languages and not everyone has the same love language preferences. This would explain why many couples feel out of sync and their love fades over time because each person communicates love in contrasting ways to begin with.

Natural Compatibility – Natural compatibility should not be confused with natural attraction. Attraction of any sort might catch one’s eye in the beginning but if there isn’t natural compatibility to back up the attraction then the attraction most certainly wears off over time. Of course, there is no denying that attraction is important but I think people often overlook the actual compatibility aspect of the relationship and don’t take the time to examine whether or not they are truly compatible with the other person. Compatibility can include your value systems, beliefs, lifestyles, and overall how you each fundamentally function as people. When two people have natural compatibility, there are less arguments, problems, and conflicts because both people see eye to eye on most things. Ultimately, natural compatibility is ideal for developing a healthy relationship and definitely the foundation of any long lasting partnership.

Do Compliments Build Attraction? – (Yes and No)

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When people take the time to give a compliment, it typically is received positively by the other person because it is acknowledging something great about them and is a way to express admiration. I would say that most of the time, compliments are a good thing and can definitely be used to build attraction because most people feel good when someone gives them a compliment. People tend to become attracted to those who give them a good feeling about themselves. So the short answer is, yes–compliments can absolutely help in building attraction. However, there are definitely instances in which it might have little to no effect on someone or maybe even have the opposite effect.

If someone receives a compliment from someone who they do not think too highly of or don’t really like, then the person might not even care so much about it or might actually be annoyed by it. I say annoyed because if the person feels that the other is saying it to express interest and the interest is not mutual, then the compliment will not be viewed in a positive light. In these type of scenarios, I would say that it is not really worth going out of your way to compliment the person and that it is important to find other ways to build a genuine connection or perhaps find someone whom you naturally connect with instead of trying to impress someone who is not that into you from the start.

In addition, people who are used to hearing the same compliments throughout their lives might feel indifferent towards a compliment because it is nothing new to them. For example, if someone is a talented musician, telling them this does not hold too much value because they might already know this to be the case or they just hear it all the time so it is not very special to them. On the other hand, if you find a way to validate the person for something that people don’t comment on all the time, then your compliment will go a long way.

Overall, compliments are definitely a good thing and can be used as a way to signal interest in someone but keep in mind that sometimes a compliment simply is just a compliment–so one should not read too into it and just take it at face value. If one is trying to use this technique as a way to get someone interested in them, it is important to not rely on this tactic alone and to find other ways to create natural attraction. I always like to remind people that what works on one person might not work as successfully on someone else so it is important to make an effort to get to know someone on a deeper level in order to really understand someone’s likes and dislikes.

Don’t Ever Become a Beggar Within Your Dating Life

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There might be many instances in life where the expression, “Beggars can’t be choosers” applies but your dating life should never be one of them. People make excuses as to why they should settle or just date someone for the sake of having someone. I don’t care if you just got out of a relationship or marriage because failed relationships do not define you–finding love again can still be within your future. I don’t care how old you are because no one has an expiration date or a deadline as to when they find the love of their life. I don’t care if you’re currently unemployed, out of shape, have kids from a previous relationship, etc. Whatever the excuse is, it is time to throw them out the window because they are simply just excuses and do not have to stand in the way of you finding your very best relationship–whether that be with self (as there is nothing wrong with being single) or with a romantic partner.

It blows my mind when people apply these limitations because the result often leads to one settling for an undesirable relationship due to the belief that there are not enough options or a better suited option. Again, this is a scarcity mindset which prevents the creation of abundance in life. If you truly believe your options are limited, then guess what? Yeah, they unfortunately will stay limited because your inner most thoughts determine your reality.

In my opinion, choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in life and not one you should ever take lightly. No matter what your current circumstance is, you should never feel pressured to settle or go through the motions of staying in a long term relationship if you do not feel it is the right fit. You need to set the bar high and keep that bar high because you are deserving to be with someone who you choose to be with and in return this person chooses you back. Remember, it has to go both ways because it is a lost cause if you choose someone who doesn’t value you in the same exact way.

I remember once hearing on a television show many years ago that you should be with someone in which you feel like you hit the lottery. In other words, you want to be with someone who makes you feel incredibly lucky to have in your life. The only difference is, winning the lottery is based on luck whereas with finding love, you essentially CHOOSE your luck which is why you need to be a CHOOSER in your dating life, not a beggar who is willing to take any person who comes their way. True love is always worth the wait so remember to choose very wisely! ❤

Do “Nice Guys Finish Last?” – My Advice to Men

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There is the common expression that, “nice guys finish last.” Although there might be some truth to this, I don’t believe that this has to be the case for nice men. There is this common misconception that women prefer the so-called bad guys, players, etc. The underlying issue for women who choose these types of men usually stem from either their upbringing (ex: no father figure, poor male role models–aka “daddy issues”) or they on some subconscious level do not believe they are deserving of a good man, more specifically in this case–a nice guy.

My best advice to nice guys is to find a nice girl! There are plenty of nice women out there who are looking for their match and want to be with a nice man. It is up to men to weed out the women who do no respect, love, or treat them like gold. Nice guys will often tolerate bad female behavior and will tend to stick around until they become a doormat to the women who will never supply them with the love that they give so generously. That is why it is essential for a man to know his worth and cut his losses when he is faced with a woman who does not value him. Sadly, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you in return. Usually the opposite will happen where the woman will just be turned off entirely or she may stick around for the wrong reasons.

In addition, there is more to bring to the table in the dating world than just being nice. Women are attracted to nice men but not if these same men have nothing else going on for them other than this attribute. I can’t help but notice that there are many nice men out there who are devoted, committed, loving, and sweet as pie–especially to women; however these are the same men who don’t have a career, steady income, and are living in the basement with mom still. I am not saying ALL nice guys are like this but I do notice a high correlation between nice guys being much less ambitious with little to offer in terms of a lasting relationship with a promising and secure future. This is where men need to work on themselves so that when the right woman comes along, he has more going for him than just being a nice guy. Keep in mind that “working on self” should not be done strictly for increasing value in the dating world but for yourself–with or without a partner. The reason being that by bettering self, you not only will increase your self worth and confidence but you will also radiate an energy that others will naturally find attractive.

It’s Okay to Miss But Know When to DISMISS – How to Mentally Cope With a Breakup

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I understand that breakups are not always an easy reality to face and it does not matter whether you were the one who broke it off or the one who was let go as it can be a tough adjustment either way. If you were the one who was dumped, I recognize it can be especially sad, painful, and difficult to move on. It is natural to miss the person and want to know what they are up to but at the same time, you need to know when it is time to DISMISS the person (aka let them go completely) in order for you to move forward and open the door to a better future. This can only happen once you have emotionally detached yourself from your past and I am here to tell you that you absolutely can and all it takes is a mental shift in your mindset.

“I can’t believe my ex moved on so fast and I was replaced so easily.” – For starters, there is no need to take things this personally. When you feel good about yourself from within, this is the last thing that should ever cross your mind as you already know that you are of high value. In addition, be happy that your ex found happiness with someone else even if that means that person is not you. It might feel hurtful thinking of them with another person but if you truly care about this person, you should genuinely be rooting for their happiness. (On a slightly different note, you should also not be so fixated on what they are doing and what’s going on in their personal life, stay in your own lane and focus on your personal path to happiness).

“I wish my ex was willing to make things work.” – Listen, you need to think of it as a blessing that you were let go because it is not worth it to be with someone who does not see what you have to offer nor has the desire to be with you. STOP wasting your time! If it didn’t work the first time or however many times you tried, chances are that it never was going to work out again in the long run so stop holding onto a false hope that there is a chance of getting back together. If anything, you should be THANKFUL this person is not stringing you along and broke it off to save YOUR time because time is one of life’s most valuable assets.

“I’m never going to find someone like my ex.” – Are you kidding me? With so many people in this Universe, there’s absolutely no one to date? Yeah right, I don’t think that’s the case at all! Yes, I know that getting back into the dating world can be a process and it is not always easy to find someone to connect with romantically–however, that is not to say that you will never find someone to date again. I would suggest taking some time to enjoy being single first and allow for enough time for you to mentally detach yourself from your ex and then you can try to meet people again. Often times you’ll find that love will find you when you least expect it and when you are spiritually open and ready for it!

Final Note: At the end of the day, people come and go and that’s a part of life. Not everyone who we meet or date is meant to hold a place in our lives for the long haul and that’s totally okay! It is also okay to reminisce and reflect on the positive memories but at the same time, be prepared to fully dismiss this person and begin a new chapter in your life. I don’t know about you but personally, I think it is way more exciting to think about how the next chapter of life is going to unfold as opposed to getting stuck in an old chapter or reliving a chapter that doesn’t provide a positive outcome. Plus, best of all–you are the one creating it so let’s make this next chapter an AMAZING one! 😉

Why Playing Hard to Get Does Not Always Work

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Many people have heard of the common advice, “play hard to get” when you like someone as this is supposed to increase the other person’s attraction level. Although I would have to agree that this can be effective because it is human nature to want what you do not have, this approach can often be counterintuitive and have zero impact on whether or not someone is going to develop a romantic interest in you in return. Reason being that attraction is not a one size fits all formula and it is unrealistic to expect this tactic or any single tactic to work on every single person. (If only it was that easy, right?) While there is no denying that playing hard to get might provide short term success and work in certain instances; on the other hand, there are reasons as to why this tactic is unsuccessful.

Emotionally Unavailable – Some people are emotionally unavailable where they have too much going on in their personal lives to even be open and receptive to love. Examples of this can include just getting out of a relationship, having unresolved feelings towards an ex, or already possessing a different love interest (that’s not you) which all confirm emotional unavailability. When someone is in this stage in life, it is apparent there is no need to invest any time and energy because any attraction tactic will be a lost cause in any of these scenarios.

Just Not Interested / Indifferent – If the person feels pretty neutral towards you and indifferent where they do not care whether they hear from you or not, chances are if you are playing hard to get, they are not even going to miss your presence much at all and may not even notice you’re going out of your way to apply this tactic. The same also goes if this person is not interested in you romantically as this person will probably feel more relieved to not hear from you rather than an increased level of attraction.

In a Relationship – It goes without saying that you should not even be approaching someone who is in a serious relationship which would also explain why playing hard to get would not really work because this person is emotionally locked into their significant other and I would also classify this as a situation where someone is in a state of emotional unavailability as mentioned previously. No attraction tactic is going to have an effect if someone is happily taken so again, you should not even be thinking about doing anything about it and find a new love interest.

Too Many Options – When someone has too many options in the love department, while a person might be craving more of the attention from the person not giving it to them, I think this can backfire because if someone is absent for too long, this person can easily be forgotten simply due to a lack of contact or simply think the person is not interested while those who are more persistent with their affection will most likely be noticed than forgotten.

Out of Touch, Out of Time – To expand on my last point, when someone is out of touch for too long (in this case, playing hard to get), eventually time runs out too. Why should someone wait around for someone to give them their time? More specifically, someone who has a strong love for self and a high level of confidence is just not going to tolerate this type of behavior and will move onto to someone who is giving them validation as opposed to someone who is playing hard to get because they recognize that this is an unhealthy way to win their heart.

Final Note: If you are in a situation where you feel that you need to ignore someone, disappear for a certain amount of time, or play games to win anyone’s love and attention then you are choosing the wrong person–bottom line. This is not the way that you should want to start off any relationship because clearly there is not a mutual interest (or interest at all) and even if the other person has an interest but perhaps is trying to apply this tactic on you to win your heart, again–this just is not a healthy way to begin any relationship. It can easily turn into a toxic dynamic where one or both people stay emotionally attached for the wrong reasons.

Remember, it goes both ways: 1) Always love yourself and know that you deserve more than someone who has to use manipulation to try to obtain your attention. Your affection and time should be EARNED once the other person steps up to the plate by taking the time to emotionally invest in getting to know you and consistently spending their quality time with you. 2) You should also avoid playing hard to get because when the right person comes along, you won’t feel the need to pull away or play games–quite the opposite will happen as the relationship will unfold much more naturally and the connection will increase over time by bringing two people together rather than apart.

Why Similar Lifestyles Matter in A Relationship

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Everyone’s lifestyle varies and it is unlikely to meet someone with the exact same lifestyle as you; however, finding someone with a pretty similar one is very important for long term relationship success. It is natural and okay to have differences including different hobbies but when two people live life in ways in which two people cannot easily relate to each other, it is tough to ask for either person to adapt to the other. It is also very easy for the relationship to deteriorate over time as people tend to get resentful or can simply just get tired of each other’s differences.

That is why it is of extreme importance to pay attention to a person’s overall lifestyle from the start of getting to know someone. Although lifestyle can be impacted by one’s career choice, location, and other factors–the way in which a person chooses to live their life is a personal choice that often won’t change. It is good to examine the major components of one’s lifestyle that can include:

– How does this person like to spend their free time?
– How does this person manage their money? Are they more of a spender or a saver?
– What is their idea of a vacation?
– What are their health habits? What does health/fitness mean to them?
– What are their life goals? Are they in alignment with yours?
– Where do they want to live?
– Does this person practice a religion and to what extent?
– How much time is enjoyed being spent alone and with their partner?
– What does intimacy mean to this person?

This is just a general list to go by but keep in mind that there are many other areas that can contribute to one’s lifestyle. Please note that I did not list anything that was trivial such as a person’s favorite pizza topping or sports team as I would categorize that as a personal preference and not so much associated with their lifestyle. Of course as I mentioned, nothing is going to be exact but instead, it is most important to focus on what’s SIMILAR. When two lifestyles are very similar, it allows for two people to continuously grow together while genuinely loving each other’s company even more as they are brought together by their shared interests. There is a reason why they say, “Birds of a feather, flock together” which very much applies here.