Category Archives: Self

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

You Don’t Need Beauty, Brains, or Money – What You Need MOST in a Relationship

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Now I know the title might seem a bit extreme but I am sure that it did catch your attention (which was the whole point). 😉 I want to start off by saying that when you are searching for a life partner, there are going to be tons of qualities that you are looking for and that every individual’s criteria is going to vary. Most people are going to have some of the same general things while others will have very specific attributes that are important to you but might not be important to someone else.

Going back to what people “generally” are looking for, many people will say that finding someone who is extremely physically attractive or intelligent or wealthy will be on the top of their lists. I am not here to tell you that you should not be striving for those qualities if that is something of importance to you. However, what I do want to point out is that these are not only common requests but that they are rather generic and surface level things to ask for from a life partner. Ultimately, don’t you think there should be deeper and more meaningful qualities to look for?

This brings me to something that I personally find ESSENTIAL in a life partner and a quality that is not really talked about often enough. I would say that a high level of emotional intelligence goes a LONG WAY in a forever type of relationship. Too often I hear people say that they are interested in someone who is “intelligent” but that can mean different things to different people and what I might label as “intelligent” might be radically different to someone else. I also do not think being “smart” really adds a whole lot to a relationship unless perhaps you crave having intelligent conversations with your partner on a regular basis. Now adding that emotional component to intelligence is very specific and refers to someone who is able to understand, emphasize, and relate to you. This is so crucial in a relationship! It is important to be with someone who really takes the time to not only get to know you but understand you emotionally speaking where you do not have to explain yourself or feel that you need to be less vulnerable because the other person (sadly) does not have that emotional intelligence component in their brain.

Over the years, I have grown to value this quality and seek it within all my personal relationships which include friendships as well. Being able to create an emotional bond with your partner while also feeling heard and understood on an emotional level is such a healthy component within a relationship. In romantic relationships, I understand that there are going to be many qualities that are essential to you but try to dig a little deeper and look past the surface level things. While I do understand having an attractive, smart, and wealthy mate are ideal qualities–I look at those qualities as bonuses rather than essentials. Think about it–looks can and often tend to fade over time, being smart doesn’t really add too much to the relationship itself at the end of the day, and your partner can always run out of money one day. If you relied too much of your decision on finding a life partner based on these things then you will end up feeling very disappointed, unhappy, or left feeling empty if this criteria were to not stay the same over time. It is for this reason that you should opt to find someone who is emotionally intelligent which will better ensure the longevity of your relationship in the long run.

Stop Blaming Yourself For Your Failures – Do These Things Instead

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Experiencing failure is an inevitable experience in life and although it is associated with frustration, sadness, and other negative feelings–there are ways to fail and still persevere. It is very natural to want to blame yourself for your failures but that can leave you feeling very upset and prevent you from recovering. First and foremost, you need to walk away from any failure with a positive attitude. You need to detach yourself from any negativity and find ways to move forward with your life. This can be a very good time for self reflection where you do not dwell so much on the failure itself but you find ways to look past it. During this time, you should also think about ways of improving the outcome in the future and to motivate yourself to try again and/or find better solutions. While you might go through moments where you feel defeated, it is essential that you do not let negativity steer you towards giving up or feeling bad about yourself. When you fall, you need to get yourself right back up and keep it moving. The same goes with when you fail–you need to just get back on track with your life and make some positive strides in the right direction.

While many of us strive for perfection, you need to recognize that life is not meant to be perfect at all times. If you never came across failures in life, there would be no room for spiritual growth. It is often during the dark times and the times that you fail that you are actually setting yourself up towards success in your future. You might not see it at the present moment but it all ends up making sense later. That is why you need to trust the Universe, even when you come across some failures along the way. You need to take these failures as life lessons and LEARN from them. That is the positive takeaway from any failure is to look at it as an opportunity to gain wisdom and pick up some valuable spiritual lessons along the way.

If you are still having a tough time mentally with whatever failure that you are going through, take this time not only for yourself but do not be afraid to seek out help and to reach out to those who care about you. It can be extremely helpful to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences or to just express your feelings to someone. Some people like to bottle everything inside but it can actually be more beneficial to express yourself to others. You would be amazed at the amount of emotional support you would receive simply by speaking up and talking to a professional or to someone you know. For me personally, I cannot thank the supportive people around me enough for listening and empathizing with me when I needed it most. That is why it is important to surround yourself with a positive support system and to embrace seeking their advice during those times where you could use the extra emotional support.

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How My Money Perspective Has Changed From My 20s to My 30s – What Would I Do Differently? (If Anything)

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As I reflect about my life and my relationship with money, I would definitely say that my approach to spending, saving, and investing has radically changed over the years. Am I just becoming older and wiser or does the current state of the economy have any impact on my views on money? It can be a combination of things but I do believe that with life experience comes more knowledge. I have always had a passion for building wealth and that is something that has not changed since my 20s but my perspective is definitely different now and there are many ways in which I view money differently than I did a decade ago.

Having Money In My Bank Account Means More Than Spending It – I have always been a rather good money saver but over the years, I have become an even more aggressive saver. Why? As I have aged, it is just more satisfying to have a bigger bank account than to spend money on material goods or going out. I am much more willing to sacrifice my desires and wants now than I was able to in my youth. It comes more natural for me to say no to unnecessary purchases and to just save my money instead. For me personally, it just feels good to have a lot of money stored away in a bank account than to spend it.

Spending Money on Clothes Doesn’t Excite Me Anymore – I have always had a love for fashion and wearing stylish and flattering clothing. That would also mean having the nicest shoes and handbags to go with my outfits. Fast forward to the present moment and I now do not care about clothing like I used to. Over the years, I have accumulated a wonderful wardrobe of classics and staple pieces that still fit and look great year after year. This is why there really is no need to go out and constantly buy new clothes unless it is an item that is worn out and in need of a replacement. I also want to point out a valuable life lesson: No one really cares what you wear more than yourself. So there really is no need to overspend on clothing or feel the need to impress anyone because no one really cares about the clothing you wear. That is not to say that you should totally neglect your self image but to consciously make an effort to be less vain because at the end of the day–no one cares what you wear!

I am Obsessed With My Retirement Savings – When you are in your 20s, you do not really think about retirement enough unless you are taught the importance of compound interest and investing as early as you can. Fortunately, my mother had me open an IRA account at the age of 18 years old. While I was making contributions to my IRA as much as I could at the time (which wasn’t too much), my biggest regret is not making a conscious effort to max out my IRA contribution every single year. When I turned 30 years old, I made the conscious effort to start doing that and have really seen the increase over the years which is very encouraging. This motivates me to keep investing into my retirement and watching it grow over time.

My Time Is More Valuable Than Money – Despite how much I prioritize working and making money, as I have gotten older–I have tried to have more of a balance between my work life and personal life. In other words, I cherish and value having quality time as opposed to working nonstop. Sometimes you have to take the time to say no to work and actually enjoy living your life. I would rather just work less and make more as opposed to feeling like I need to work constantly. In the past, I would push myself to work as much as I can, even if that meant less free time to do the things that I loved. Although I still would consider myself a hard worker, I have toned down the intensity and have made having free time more of a priority over work.

Booking a Vacation Is Worth Every Penny – I have been an avid traveler since my mid to late 20s when I started to make a high enough income to allocate money towards one of my biggest passions in life–international travel. To this day, I still believe that travel is money well spent and something that I would never regret spending because the memories that are created are so worth it. While not everyone might have a love for travel, it is important to find something that you love and allow yourself to spend the money on your desired category of choice with zero regrets. I spent the money on travel then and will continue to spend my hard earned money on travel throughout the course of my lifetime. It can be an expensive hobby but it is one that I will always justify as an essential expense.

How to Convey Your Value With Your Actions Instead of Your Words

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While words are a great tool in communication, you will find that sometimes words are not nearly as effective as your actions. For example, when disciplining a child, if the child misbehaves and you take their toy away, that is a very effective message to the child that their behavior was unacceptable and that is what caused you to take their toy away. At that moment, the child learns right away the consequence and might think twice the next time before misbehaving again. As opposed to saying that you will take the toy away and then not following through. That is why most discipline fails is because as the saying goes, “talk is cheap” and the words don’t mean anything because there is no action paired with it. That is why you have to remember how important your actions are and why it is necessary to take the proper action needed in daily life situations as opposed to using strictly words, especially within your personal relationships.

When you are dating, people are going to test you and find ways to push your buttons. While you might express to someone how you feel–such as your needs are not being met and threaten to break it off if things don’t change, it is much more effective to just apply space right away and/or consider just breaking up with the person on the spot if you feel that the other person will not be able to change. That might sound harsh but the action of walking away or simply being more distant has a strong effect because you are standing up for yourself and showing that you have VALUE for yourself. A pushover will have a tough time doing this. When you value yourself, it becomes automatic to take action and to teach the other person what you will and will not tolerate. While doing so with your words might have some sort of impact, it will not be nearly as effective as your actions. That is also why there is the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” While I am a big believer in being able to use your words, there are going to be many instances in which your actions have a more powerful message so do not be afraid to take action whenever it is needed. You might be amazed by the outcome and see that you will start to get the desired results that you were looking for. That is why the best way to teach people your value is through your actions.

3 Goal Setting Mistakes to Avoid If You Want to Achieve All Your Goals

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Generally speaking, if you are conscientious about making goal setting a priority as a stepping stone in achieving your goals, then you are on the right path. However, there are definitely some common mistakes that are made that could actually set you back although your intentions might be in the right place. Here are a few common mistakes that you should recognize and find ways to improve so that your goal setting skills can actually lead to the best results.

Your Goals Are Not Specific Enough – It is easy to make some general goals without any true substance. A classic one is, “I want to live a healthier lifestyle.” Again, that sounds great but that is just too general of a goal to even mean anything or be measurable. If you can map out exactly what “living a healthier lifestyle” entails, then you are moving in the right direction. It is important to take the time to really break down very concise ways to make this achievable. This could include a set of mini goals that can lead to your main goal.

Not Believing in Your Goals – Your mindset truly dictates every area of your life. If you have goals but do not take them seriously in which you do not believe that they are even achievable then what do you expect? You need to BELIEVE in order to ACHIEVE. The sky is truly the limit but you need to believe in your potential. If you do not, then you will stay stagnant and not move any closer to fulfilling your goals. 

Failing to Take Any Action - Many people think about things that they want but it is pie in the sky if you expect the goals to manifest themselves without any effort. The Universe does not work like that. You need to stay focused on your goals by taking the action steps that are needed to get closer to them. Most things in life do require work and do not come handed to you which is why you need to take action daily and you will be able to achieve anything that you want.  

Never Neglect Yourself in Order to Receive Validation or Love From Another

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One of the biggest mistakes that I see when people are easing into a new relationship or desperately trying to form a new one with someone whom they admire is that the person starts to sacrifice self or do things to please the other person in order to earn their validation. This is a big dating mistake for a handful of reasons. For one, if you are not being your authentic self, then it is essentially false advertising if you are pretending to be someone who you are not. Maybe in the beginning, it is easy to do this but over time, your true character would come out and the person might feel blindsided or that they did not really know the real you. It is natural for there to be differences and sometimes this contrast is actually what heightens attraction. In other words, there is no real need to mask who you are to begin with and it is okay to not be exactly the same as the other person. It is good to have your own set of interests and not to feel that you have to like everything that the other person likes just to be liked by them.

If you meet someone who you want to impress and you make personal sacrifices to please this person, you might over time start to feel resentful or that you are not receiving as much in return if the other person is not reciprocating your efforts. That is why in the very beginning that it is important to take things slow and to resist your impulse to want to do whatever it takes to get the person you’re interested in to feel the same way because you do not want the relationship to become a one sided relationship. It is very easy for this to happen and for the other person to take advantage or just stick around for selfish reasons.

At the end of the day, you are simply not going to please every person who you like meaning that the feelings might not be mutual–so will you have to learn to accept that. Instead of overextending yourself and becoming a doormat to someone who most likely will never ever change their opinion of you, it is far wiser to just move on and find someone who will enjoy your company and like your authentic self. This should be the ultimate goal for your long term relationships. It is important to surround yourself around people who support, adore, and cherish you for you. It should not be conditional where they like you because you try to transform yourself to become someone who they want you to be and it is far from who you are at the core. Remember that when you embrace your true self, the right people will come your way and you will develop more healthier relationships that are reciprocal and fulfilling.  

Does “Money Buy Happiness?” – If Not, Then What Does?

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Many people hear the expression that “money buys you happiness.” While there is some truth to that in the sense that having the ability to spend it freely and providing financial security are very positive things that many of us strive for in our lifetimes–it does not necessarily guarantee you happiness. There are people who have a lot of money but might not know how to manage it successfully which eventually leaves them in more financial trouble or could bring upon more added stress into their lives. There are also people who have unlimited financial resources who live unfulfilling lives and simply aren’t happy. So what are some other keys to happiness that do not revolve around money? 

Pursuing a Meaningful Career That Adds Value to the World – It is really important to dig deep and determine what you want to do with your life and finding a career path that is spiritually rewarding and brings intrinsic happiness. When I say a “career,” that also can include volunteer work, being a parent, etc. It does not have to tie into a job that brings in an income but really just finding your authentic purpose in your life.

Building Healthy Relationships – People often underestimate the importance of human interaction and developing healthy relationships but it is very beneficial to have good people in your life. Even if you are someone that is introverted and prefer to spend most of your time alone, that does not mean that you should not have zero relationships in your life. It is wise to have a social circle of people who are there to support you and spend your quality time with.  

Loving Self to the Fullest – You might already hear this all the time (especially in this blog 😉 ) but you need to love yourself! If you are not in a place where you feel that you love yourself, then you need to determine ways to get to that place. This could mean finding a better job, getting out of a bad relationship that is preventing you from thriving, or pursuing new hobbies that bring you joy. It is a necessity to find and learn ways to love yourself to ensure you are bringing happiness into your life. 

Turning Your Resolutions Into Realities – Goal Setting Strategies for 2024

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Did you really think that I would let January go by without talking about setting goals in the new year? (I didn’t think so! 😉 ) While we should be setting goals on a daily basis, the beginning of the new year is a good opportunity to acknowledge your achievements from the previous year while reassessing what goals and/or changes you would like to make in the new year. The truth of the matter is, without making conscientious and concrete goals or thinking about your true desires, you are most likely not going to get too far and end up staying stagnant throughout life. Personally, I believe life is all about progression and taking action in order to obtain everything that you want to manifest. There are absolutely ways to turn your resolutions into realities and it is up to you to make it happen!  So let’s get started…

Write a Detailed List of Everything You Want to Achieve - It is essential to really think about what you want in your life and determine the direction your life is heading. Does that mean expanding your business or running your first marathon? The sky is the limit when it comes to your goals so make sure you visualize what you want and to then take the time to write everything down with as much detail as possible. I suggest writing down your goals on an index card or in a journal so you can hold yourself accountable and look back on them for reference. You can also track your progress and check off once you completed a goal.

Examine Your Habits and Change Them in Alignment with Your Goals – This is a crucial step but one that is often overlooked. Your habits shape your action and will dictate whether or not your goals are attainable. If you currently have habits that are hindering you from reaching your end goal, then you really need to focus on shifting your habits and changing them so they will ensure that you can achieve all your goals.

Apply Deadlines and Break your Goals Down Into Smaller Goals – It is a good idea to fine tune your goals and figure out the time frame in which you would like to fulfill them along with looking at whether or not you can break down your main goal into mini goals. The mini goals can then be looked at as stepping stones to your main goal. Oftentimes you need to break your goals down into more achievable goals in order to move closer towards the big goal. Some of the most worthwhile and valuable things in life could take a very long time to manifest which is why it is good to celebrate those little achievements along the way.

Happy 2024! – And My First Real Christmas Tree of 2023

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For starters, happy 2024! I had every intention of writing my last post for the year during the last week of 2023 to essentially just wish everyone a happy holiday but I just never got around to it in which I will make up for it now in my first post of 2024. The end of the year is always the busiest time for me because not only do I have Christmas followed by my birthday on December 28th, and then ending the year with New Year’s Eve–I also now have my wedding anniversary to add into the celebration mix and my husband’s birthday as well. It was really surreal celebrating our one year wedding anniversary at the end of 2023 because my wedding day still feels like yesterday! I honestly have no idea what happened to 2023 as it was probably one of the fastest years of my life. I do believe that having a spouse to share life with not only makes life that much more enjoyable but it does make time accelerate even faster than it already did previously.  

Aside from the year going fast, I have to say that this past holiday season was not only one of my favorites but also one of the most memorable. I have always wanted to have a real Christmas tree and was thrilled to get one this year as it was also our first year celebrating the holidays in our new home. It is times like these that you can really appreciate the little joys in life and how something as simple as getting a Christmas tree can bring happiness.  

As we end 2023 and start the new year, let’s take this time to focus on our goals for the upcoming year while still taking the time to be present and enjoy our life as it unfolds. Remember that your mindset if what directs the path of your life so make sure that you keep it positive, strong, dedicated, conscientious, and so much more! 😉