Category Archives: Relationships

Does “Money Buy Happiness?” – If Not, Then What Does?

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Many people hear the expression that “money buys you happiness.” While there is some truth to that in the sense that having the ability to spend it freely and providing financial security are very positive things that many of us strive for in our lifetimes–it does not necessarily guarantee you happiness. There are people who have a lot of money but might not know how to manage it successfully which eventually leaves them in more financial trouble or could bring upon more added stress into their lives. There are also people who have unlimited financial resources who live unfulfilling lives and simply aren’t happy. So what are some other keys to happiness that do not revolve around money? 

Pursuing a Meaningful Career That Adds Value to the World – It is really important to dig deep and determine what you want to do with your life and finding a career path that is spiritually rewarding and brings intrinsic happiness. When I say a “career,” that also can include volunteer work, being a parent, etc. It does not have to tie into a job that brings in an income but really just finding your authentic purpose in your life.

Building Healthy Relationships – People often underestimate the importance of human interaction and developing healthy relationships but it is very beneficial to have good people in your life. Even if you are someone that is introverted and prefer to spend most of your time alone, that does not mean that you should not have zero relationships in your life. It is wise to have a social circle of people who are there to support you and spend your quality time with.  

Loving Self to the Fullest – You might already hear this all the time (especially in this blog 😉 ) but you need to love yourself! If you are not in a place where you feel that you love yourself, then you need to determine ways to get to that place. This could mean finding a better job, getting out of a bad relationship that is preventing you from thriving, or pursuing new hobbies that bring you joy. It is a necessity to find and learn ways to love yourself to ensure you are bringing happiness into your life. 

How to Deal with Negative People in Your Life

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Despite how positive you might be, it is inevitable that you are going to deal with negative people in your daily life. Sometimes they are your direct family or friends which can make it more challenging but there are definitely ways to maneuver these relationships in a way that will keep your sanity without having any negative effects on you personally. 

Change the Subject – Unfortunately, there are some people who just thrive on negativity and drama. If you find this to be the case, the best thing you can do is take control of the situation by just changing the subject in its entirety or divert the conversation into a different subject that you would much rather talk about. Chances are the person won’t even notice what you are doing this and will go along with whatever you choose to talk about instead.

Limit Your Time with this Person - Sometimes the best thing you can do is create some space and spend less quality time with this person. If your energy is surrounded by too much negativity, it will also bring your energy and life down. It is for this reason that you are better off to limiting your time together even if that means being alone. It is during the moments of solitude that you can focus on your goals and your very own self development. 

Change Your Social Circle – It is essential to find people with the same mindset as yourself and this includes choosing positive people who will enhance your life. With so many people in this Universe, it is possible to find others who possess positivity as opposed to surrounding yourself with negative people. As your life progresses, that can also mean that the people in your life can change and there is nothing wrong with that as people come and go in life and are not always meant to be in your life forever. 

Try to Counsel Them – If a person you know is going through a lot of tough times, sometimes the best thing you can do is listen and give your advice. While that might not always be the easiest choice, it is wise to be the bigger person and actually serve as a positive role model–especially if it is for a close friend or family member who really needs you right now. You never know how much this person will value your input and support while providing a positive impact on their life. 

How Long Should You Be in a Relationship Before Getting Engaged?

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Have you ever wondered or had a set time in your mind as to when would be a good time frame to get engaged? The truth of the matter is, there is no one size fits all answer to this because it really depends on many factors. For example, if you have a couple who’s 20 years old, they both might want more time to enjoy life and not rush into a marriage whereas if you have a couple who’s 40 years old, they might be ready to get engaged sooner than later. Everything in life is about being in the right place at the right time and there is no one greater at determining that than YOU. It is up to you to figure out what you want and what’s best for you. That is why it is a good idea to have a general idea of how long you would want to date someone before taking the next step and getting engaged.

Personally, I have always believed that an engagement should happen between 1-2 years. The reason being is that I believe that it takes about a year to really get to know someone. I had been in many relationships where the other person put their best foot forward in the early stages of the courtship to essentially impress me but then eventually their true colors came out later. That is why it is best to invest time into any relationship and to not push for an engagement too soon despite how strongly you might feel for this person. Also keep in mind that if you are dating someone who is ready to get engaged rather quickly, while that might feel good inside up to a point–on the flip side, you need to ask yourself if there is a reason the person is very eager to get married to you. In other words, is it really love or is there an ulterior motive? The road to marriage is a serious life decision that should never be taken too lightly so always proceed with patience and caution.

If you have been in a relationship for a long time and feel that your partner is never going to want to get engaged, you need to decide if this is something that you can accept or not. If the answer is that this is something you cannot deal with, then it is wise to move on. As hard as it is to end a good relationship that you invested a lot of time in, you have to remember that it is never too late to start over in life and trust that the Universe will provide you a partner who has the same life goals as you. I never recommend forcing someone to propose or to create an ultimatum because then this person might just comply to fulfill with your needs but not necessarily is getting engaged to you from the right place in their heart. People need to be more in tune with their desires and have a deep trust with the Universe in order to manifest their dreams into realities. If your dream is to get married to a life partner who equally cannot wait to start their life with you, then it should be a very easy decision to end relationships that you know are not on the same timeline as yours with little guilt and remorse. Do not get discouraged with how long it could take to find your future life partner and know that this person exists and is as interested in being with you as you are! 

If You Do Not Feel Like Someone’s Priority–You Probably Are NOT! – Here’s the Solution

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you just don’t feel like the other person’s priority? Sadly, not only are your feelings valid but chances are that the other person is not making you as much of a priority as you are making them. While this can leave you feeling frustrated, hopeless, neglected, and many other negative feelings–there are few ways to shift the relationship into a more balanced one or this could also be a time of deep reflection where you examine the quality of the relationship you are in.

For starters, if you ever feel someone is pulling back, not reaching out as often, spending less quality time with you, and essentially not prioritizing your relationship–then you should be mirroring their behaviors and doing the same thing. This might seem counterintuitive but this is a good test to see how often this person is choosing to be in touch and finding ways to spend time with you. If you notice that you only hear from them when you initiate more of the contact then this is definitely a problem. It is up to you to communicate your needs in a relationship and to express how you feel. The person might not know how you feel unless you explain your point of view. If you talk things out and find the person is defensive or does not care to fix the problem, then you know that this is NOT the relationship for you. Within a healthy relationship, two people should be able to openly express themselves and should want to make the effort to please each other. If this isn’t happening, then this is a good chance to walk away from the relationship without feeling bad or without any regrets. You need to be with someone who values you and wants to put in the work that is necessary to progress the relationship.

Another consideration is that sometimes the other person could require more space meaning that it is not anything personal against you. If this is the case, give the person space and some room to miss you. The person will come back to you in time. If this space dynamic is something that you find bothersome, then you need to really evaluate what your needs are in a relationship. Whenever you find yourself in a relationship where your expectations are not being met along with your partner also being aware of them without making any changes then you should put yourself first by walking away from the relationship. Many people may be scared to be alone but it is way better to be alone where you can focus on bettering yourself as opposed to settling on a relationship that does not bring you enough happiness.

How to Live Happily Married For a Lifetime

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While there is about a fifty percent chance that a marriage could lead to divorce, there are still many people who want to get married at some point in their lifetime. Are there ways to ensure that a marriage can last forever? Absolutely! Despite marriage statistics not being so good, that should never evoke fear or deter anyone from wanting to get married because there are definitely ways to make sure that you build a marriage that is everlasting and filled with happiness. While there are many factors involved and every marriage is unique–here are a few ways to set yourself up for a marriage that will last forever.

Find Your Best Possible Match – One of the biggest life decisions you will ever make is not only getting married but actually CHOOSING your best possible match. Personally, I had a few opportunities where I could have gotten married but being that I see marriage as a serious decision, I did not want to settle on any partner. It is okay to walk away from a relationship if you do not see it leading to a happy and fulfilling marriage. That is why it is important to really dig deep as to what you want in both a future spouse and a marriage. You need to examine if this person has the qualities that you value along with having life goals and desires that are in close alignment to yours. Do not be afraid of being too selective! You are always better off being selective than just settling on any person who wants to marry you or feel the pressure that is the next step within your relationship. If in your heart, you do not see this person in your future, then you need to break off the relationship and trust that the Universe will be bringing you the right match when you are spiritually ready to attract this into your life.

Make Sure the Feelings are MUTUAL – This is a common mistake that I see in many relationships. You might have one person who is devoted and loves their partner whereas the other person is not as interested. This is a major issue and often an issue that does not change for the better. If one person is not as interested, there is a good chance that this person will ultimately end the relationship at some point because they were settling or never too invested to begin with. It is important to recognize that you cannot love someone into falling more in love with you. Meaning that you can do everything to show your love for this person but if the person is not really in love with you, then that will never change. If you recognize that you are with a partner who has the potential of leaving you due to their lack of commitment or interest, you are always better off breaking it off before it leads to marriage because you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them in return.

Communication is EVERYTHING – It is essential that you make communication a priority in your marriage. This means being able to express how you feel and being as authentic to one another as possible. People tend to assume that their spouse is a mind reader and should have the ability to read their emotions and know how to treat them. This is often not the case! The only way that your spouse can understand you better is to actually communicate with them. This not only strengthens your bond to one another but allows for two people to really learn about each other on a deeper level.

Learn to Make Sacrifices for the Greater Good of the Marriage – Every successful marriage requires a good balance of give and take. When you have one person who is constantly taking and not making the personal sacrifices needed to make their partner happy, this is where you can see built up resentment and a chance for the relationship to deteriorate all together. It is a reality that you are not always going to get your way which is why it is important to understand when to compromise. If making certain sacrifices means making your spouse happy, then you should know it is worth it! As I mentioned, remember that it goes both ways meaning that your spouse should also make compromises to make you happy as well.

Divorce is Not an Option Mentality – When times get tough within a marriage, it is very easy to want to file for divorce and to end it in its entirety. In certain extreme scenarios where there is abuse, neglect, and/or other major problems arise, I would have to agree getting a divorce is necessary. In most common circumstances though, most problems within a marriage could be fixed or improved given that both parties strive to work things out and have the belief that divorce is never an option. If two people have this mentality, then the thought of divorce would never cross either person’s minds. It is important to think positively and to come to solutions together–no matter what.

What to Do If Your Partner Tries to Change You

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I know I have written past blogs about what to do if you want to change your partner and how I do not believe that is the best approach in most dating scenarios. What if you are in the situation where someone is trying to change you? Is there a solution? Whether you want to hear it or not, if you find that you are with someone who is constantly trying to change you–whether it be your habits, personality, appearance, etc. then you should reconsider the longevity of your relationship and if it is worth keeping this person in your future. If someone wants to change you, this is not only a form of control but there is also an underlying issue at hand: This person does not love and accept you for you. This is a problem and one that should not be overlooked or ignored. I know you might be thinking, “Well if this person chooses to be with me, then this person must love me and want to be with me.” While on the surface this might be true, it is only a matter of time before the relationship unravels or there are more issues that arise over time. It is possible the person likes you for certain qualities but that the bad qualities outweigh the good which is why your partner feels justified putting in the effort to try to change you. That does not make it okay and you should not feel the need to have to do this in order to please your partner. Of course if it is a simple and easy request, then it is reasonable to make the change. Please keep in mind that I am only talking about if someone is trying to change you in drastic ways that go against your will and the core of who you are.

You should never be a person’s second best or feel as though you are not good enough within a relationship. If you find that you feel this way, rather than waiting for the other person to end it, it is better if you find the strength to end it yourself. Another suggestion is to have an open and honest conversation about how you feel and see how your partner responds. Someone who genuinely loves you is not going to react negatively and will empathize with your feelings. I recognize that it can be hard to have these conversations along with the consideration of ending the relationship but you have to trust in your heart that there is a better match for you. Remember that choosing a life partner is one of the biggest life decisions that you will ever make. You should absolutely be with someone who adores you and loves you unconditionally. You are too valuable to settle on being with someone who does not see the very best version of yourself. This is why you need to put yourself first and demonstrate self love by not tolerating a partner who tries to control or change you. You are ALWAYS better than that! 😉

The Difference Between Practicing Self Love and Being an Actual Narcissist

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It is often misconstrued that someone who practices self love can be seen as someone who is selfish or in extreme cases can be labeled as a narcissist. This is actually the complete opposite. A person who practices self love is someone who has high self esteem while also having the capacity to accept themselves despite their flaws. This person does not need external validation to feel fulfilled and happy inside. In addition, this person follows their passions and makes life decisions that are in alignment with what they naturally gravitate towards as opposed to doing things based on what everyone else is doing. Those who practice self love should not be judged negatively and should be seen as people who have a healthy relationship with self.

Someone who is an actual narcissist might come off as a highly confident individual but the truth is– deep down inside, a narcissist has very poor self esteem. This would explain the need for constant validation from the outside world in order to provide internal security or elevate their self esteem in any way. This person will also do selfish things without regarding others’ feelings which again goes back to the need of doing whatever it takes to increase their self esteem–even if that means bringing other people down in the process. Sadly, narcissists tend to feel good to make others feel bad about themselves.

As mentioned previously, narcissistic qualities can include looking for admiration from others, lack of empathy, and low self esteem. It is pretty easy to detect someone who is narcissistic because they are caught up with self in both selfish and negative ways. Someone who practices self love is not caught up with seeking attention and naturally values self without the need to rely on others for the confidence boost. It is important to recognize when you come across a narcissist so that you can avoid them at all costs, especially within your personal relationships. It is not worth getting involved as you will probably get hurt at some point along the way.

There is No Such Thing as “I’m Too Tired” or “I’m Too Busy” When Someone Is Interested In You

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It is natural to want to give someone the benefit of the doubt if they state that they are “too tired” or “too busy” to get together. It is very easy to buy into this when you are talking to someone who you are very interested in. Sometimes this can be the truth. Maybe the person has a super intense work schedule or other life circumstances that would make what seems to be a list of excuses to actually be quite valid. More likely than not though, this person does not know how to communicate concretely or chooses not to because it can feel uncomfortable to state the truth–that this person is simply NOT interested. When someone is interested, their behaviors are much different and you find yourself receiving consistent validation for this to be the case. There is no room for second guessing or wondering where you stand in this person’s life. Despite how busy someone is, when you are talking to someone who is genuinely interested in you, the signs should be crystal clear. This person will always find a way to make time for you with the time that they have and want to see you. If you are talking to someone who is barely in contact with you and is not making any effort to see you, then the signs are clear that the person does not value you enough to prioritize you into their lives. These are the types of people you should be avoiding and not investing your time in. Rather than asking for closure (such as “where is this going?”) or trying to find ways to get this person’s attention, it is better to just let go of the situation rather than holding onto a dead end relationship. I know it is easier said than done but sometimes you need to really step back to examine the situation rather than get too caught up in the moment or hold onto any small scraps of validation that often are totally meaningless to the other person.

The dating world would be a much better place if people could just be authentic and honest with their intentions and express themselves wholeheartedly despite how awkward or hurtful it could be at times. Unfortunately, many people would rather ghost someone or slowly blow off the person as opposed to providing clarity and expressing their true feelings. It goes both ways so it is good to remember that you are also doing someone a favor by telling them the truth as opposed to sending the message that there is a chance for the relationship to progress into a romantic one. By still being available and/or giving attention to someone, this still leaves the door open and misleads someone into thinking that you are interested even though you are not putting in any real effort. It goes both ways so if you value honest communication, it is important to also give it back in return.

Mortgage or Marriage First? – My Thoughts on Living Together Before or After Marriage

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Back in the day, most couples would wait to get married before they would move in together. Fast forward to the modern world that we live in and you will find that many couples choose to buy or rent a place together before getting married. There are also couples who decide to live together with no intention of getting married. Is there one option that is better than the other? The best answer to this is to really take a deep dive and examine what your personal life goals are along with your personal values. I say “personal” because it is important to really have your own set of individual goals and values to help you determine exactly what you are looking for. Then you can proactively seek a partner who has goals and values that are closely aligned with your own. If you don’t think about what you truly want, it is easy to fall into a relationship where the other person controls yours or you make too many personal sacrifices just to do whatever it takes to please your partner which is never a healthy dynamic.

For me personally, I was brought up with the old school way of thinking that it is better to get married first and then live together. Mind you, I was also raised to think for myself and make my own independent decisions–even if that could drastically be different from my parents. In other words, although I was raised with this way of thinking, I happen to also agree with it despite the social shift that has happened in recent years. Personally, I believe if marriage is one of your end goals, that it is better to wait until marriage before living together. One of the reasons is that it gives you something really great to look forward to as a couple if you choose to wait. If you live together first and then get married, there really isn’t too much of a change because you have already experienced living together. To me, getting the privilege to live together should come with marriage and not be something taken lightly. In the past, I had serious relationships where my partner would talk about wanting to live together. I find it rather insulting to talk about living together before talking about marriage. Even if that is not the intent, that is how I felt because of my strong personal value of cherishing marriage before cohabitation. So my answer was always a firm NO. Many people want all the perks of living together without marriage which means cheaper living expenses and taking up more of your time. However, why would you essentially give that privilege to someone without the commitment of marriage? Essentially as the idiom goes, why buy the milk if you can have the cow for free? That is why I believe in being patient and waiting for marriage before even talking about living together with anyone. If someone is that eager to live with you, this person should be just as eager to marry you if that is something that this person is also looking to manifest in their future.

If marriage is something that you do not care about and you are looking for a companion to live with and/or trying to keep your living costs down then I would say that there is nothing wrong with making this choice. There is nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and I would encourage those who feel this way to never feel pressured to get married against their will as this would only result in resentment and potentially a divorce later in life. If saving money is a huge priority and you would prefer to save money living together before marriage, then as I mentioned, this is okay as well. That is why I emphasize that you need to have concrete goals and values which will ultimately guide you in making the best life decisions for both you and your partner.

Responding to “I Love You” for the First Time Dos and Don’ts

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When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that feelings are going to run high and either you or the other person will want to verbally express their love for the first time. If you are the first person to hear it, the words might catch you off guard which could leave you at a loss for words. While it is natural for this to happen, it is good to be prepared if this moment ever arises within a relationship. There are many different approaches but certain approaches are definitely better than others.

Do…

  • It is important to be as HONEST and AUTHENTIC as possible–even if that means saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. If you are honest, you do not run the risk of leading the other person on or giving the other person a false sense of reality in terms of where your relationship stands.
  • If you feel the same way, then it is okay to reciprocate that you love the person back. Although it might be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at that moment, it is best to say it back so the other person knows that you both have romantic feelings towards one another.
  • If you absolutely do not feel that way and do not believe that you will ever be at a place where you can love the other person, it might be a good idea to establish that you only see the relationship as a friendship or end the relationship altogether so that the other person can get over you faster and move on.

Don’t…

  • It is important to not totally disregard or ignore it when you hear the words. If you do not feel the same way, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or try to change the subject. That will definitely make the person feel undervalued while also stirring more curiosity in their minds as to where they stand with you.
  • Do not say that “you do not know how you feel” because an “I don’t know” typically means no so you are better off conveying that the feelings are not mutual to the other person in a gentle way as opposed to saying that you’re unsure. Sometimes when you say that you are unsure, it leaves the door open for those feelings to eventually change into romantic ones. Although it might come across as clear that you are not in love with the other person, uncertainty can often send mixed messages.
  • Do not just repeat that you love the person back when you do not feel the same way. This is the worst thing that you can do. While you might want to say that to make the other person feel better and keep the “relationship” going, you are ultimately going to hurt this person in the future. It is best to save everyone’s time by expressing how you actually feel now rather than dragging out a dead end relationship.