Category Archives: Dating Advice for Men

Is There Such a Thing As Being Too Possessive?

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It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.

Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.

No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.

“I Can’t Give You the Love That You Need” – What This Really Means and What to Do About It

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In the dating world, there are many ways in which people express that they are not interested in progressing a relationship, looking for anything serious, or perhaps breaking off an existing relationship. A common expression that is often said to express one of the things listed is: “I can’t give you the love that you need.” While no one wants to face reality, it is an indirect way for the person to say that they are not interested–bottom line. If someone really cared about the person, then no matter what their life circumstances were, this person would find a way to make it work because they are INTERESTED. It is important to recognize when someone is not interested, especially when it is spelled out that the best thing to do is to accept it and move on.

In certain situations, it can also mean that the person feels that the other person requires a level of love that is hard to give and they do not feel that they have a way to match the love that they might be receiving in return. It is important to notice here that the person is also NOT choosing to put in the effort that is needed which also signifies that the underlying issue here is that there is no interest.

No matter what the reason is, it is important to take it at face value that the other person does not want to build a romantic relationship in any capacity and to both go separate ways. There is no need to ask the person what this means, beg them back, or try to convince them to stay. It is never worth it. This is actually a blessing when a person says this because there is enough clarity in knowing that it is best to move on altogether. If you are in a position where you feel this way, there is nothing wrong with saying this to someone but I still feel it is better to be more authentic and honest if possible while also being respectful and polite.

10 Ways to Boost Your Attraction Level That Are Unrelated to Your Physical Appearance

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When people think of someone who is attractive, the first thing that often comes to mind is basing their attraction level based on their physicality. While there is no denying that looks are a factor in determining a person’s attraction level, the truth of the matter is, that is not the only factor. That is why when I see a person go through drastic measures to change their looks (ex: plastic surgery), I feel that this person has a false sense of reality in thinking that their looks are everything while also seeing this as a sign of low esteem. I do not want to generalize and say that this applies to all individuals but oftentimes, you will find that these are the underlying internal issues. There is nothing wrong with caring about self care and one’s appearance. When it becomes an issue is when a person has unrealistic expectations and cannot accept both their flaws and assets. As I mentioned previously, there are so many attributes and characteristics that can make someone incredibly attractive that goes past what reflection is seen in the mirror. Although there are probably hundreds to thousands of attributes, I came up with a short list of 10 things that came to mind.

Setting Aspirations and Goals – While most people might not place a ton of emphasis on goal setting, I find people who are goal oriented to be extremely attractive. It is more attractive to me to see someone investing their money and energy into their goals as opposed to their vanity aka their physical appearance. People who like to set goals tend to be self motivated, disciplined, and ambitious which are all extremely desirable and attractive qualities to have.

Possessing Healthy Habits – By possessing healthy habits, that does not just refer to health and exercise habits, it can apply to having any healthy habit that is beneficial to one’s soul and well being such as great sleep habits, work habits, etc. It is attractive to meet people who have good habits in general because they could be a good influence on yourself to develop better habits as well.

Pursuing Your Passions and Hobbies – It is refreshing to meet people who have defined passions and hobbies in life because it makes them more interesting. When people do not have passions, it can make the individual rather boring and unattractive.

Having a Fulfilling Career – I specifically mentioned a “fulfilling” career because this will ensure a higher level of happiness and personal fulfillment which ultimately is more meaningful in the long run. When someone has a career that they love and are good at, that is attractive. Usually with a fulfilling career comes both success and money which are all attractive things associated with a rewarding career path.

Being Genuine and Authentic – Authenticity is attractive because that means that what you see is what you get. The person knows how to be genuine and authentic which also shows that this person does not feel the need to be fake or to act like someone they are not. More people should adapt this quality not only to develop a stronger sense of self but also to enhance their attractiveness.

Reaching Financial Stability and Independence – I did not specifically use the word “rich” because it should not be about how much money someone has but their ability to be responsible with it and have complete financial independence. It is unattractive meeting someone with a significant amount of debt and/or money problems because this shows a lack of discipline and poor money decisions.

Having Similar Interests – As they say, “birds of a feather flock together” which would explain why it might feel natural to find someone with similar interests to be attractive. I believe sharing interests can bring people together whether that is a friendship or a personal relationship which is why having similar interests can be very attractive.

A Great Sense of Humor – There is no doubt that having a good sense of humor can add to one’s attraction level. When someone has the ability to make others laugh, it makes people feel good and happy. This is definitely a positive attribute and one that many people tend to value.

High Emotional Intelligence – While many would say that intelligence is attractive, there are so many different ways to define a person’s intelligence. Although book intelligence is seen as attractive and I am not taking away from this, I would say emotional intelligence is even more attractive. People with a strong emotional intelligence understand a person’s feelings and know how to connect on an emotional level. This is attractive because it’s easier to build a bond with someone who is emotional intelligent.

Believing in Self and Having Confidence – Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. The reason being is that self confidence propels people to succeed and progress in life because of their strong belief in their abilities along with setting higher standards because they know they deserve the very best. People with a true inner confidence do not need to strictly rely on their physical appearance in order to feel good about themselves and dig deeper beneath the surface to find things that increase their confidence levels.

How to Build Attraction Without Playing Games

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Oftentimes people are under the impression that you need to play games in order to build attraction or to allow for someone to develop stronger feelings for you. While on the surface, there might seem to be some truth to that, the truth of the matter is, when you are looking to establish a genuine connection with someone, the good news is that you will find that you do not need to play games in order to become closer to this person. The progression should come naturally because the connection is MUTUAL. This is the key to any healthy relationship that most people tend to overlook. When you are more into someone than they are into you, this can cause the need to play games when ultimately it is actually a game over from the start and it is best to move on to find someone who likes you just as much as you like them.

Actually Be an Attractive Catch – I know this might seem like an obvious thing in terms of building attraction but you would be amazed at how many people do not put in the work that is needed to actually be a catch. While this can apply to the physical outer appearance, I am more referring to the spiritual value that you add to a relationship. Many people have a high bar of what they want and what they find attractive in a partner but then they have very little to offer in return. The problem with this is that by setting unrealistic expectations, you will always be left disappointed. That is why it is a necessity to put even more energy into developing yourself first before going out and trying to find someone that you are trying to attract. You need to be attractive in order to attract others–plain and simple advice that should go without saying but is still good to reiterate.

Be as Authentic and Honest from Day One – People often feel that they cannot be themselves from the start because they are afraid of scaring the other person away which causes the person to play games to earn the other person’s attention. The problem with this tactic is that you are not being your authentic self if you feel the need to play games. It is much wiser to be honest and express your thoughts at all times. If this scares the person away, then that should be seen as a GREAT thing because this means that they were not meant to stay in your life and you just saved yourself time that you could have utilized towards self improvement or getting to know someone who appreciates you.

Pace the Relationship and Take Things Slow – It is natural to fall for someone instantly but keep in mind that it could take the other person a longer time to feel the same way while it is also important to not let infatuation hinder you from making the right dating decisions. In other words, it is easy to be attracted to someone but once you actually take the time to get to know the person, you might find that the person is not as attractive to you as you had thought upon meeting each other. Some of the very best relationships move at what appears to be a snail’s pace but there is nothing wrong with that! As the common expression goes, “slow and steady wins the race” and this definitely applies to relationships. It is better to pace the relationship and not rush the process as opposed to playing games or trying to manipulate the other person into liking you.

Let’s Talk About Sex – The Taboo Subject That Couples Should Be Talking About

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I just realized that this is the first time that I am blogging about this subject matter but I suppose it is because it is considered to be a rather taboo subject: SEX. Yes, I said it and honestly, this is a topic of discussion that should not be so taboo, especially within a serious relationship. However, I find that most couples don’t feel comfortable talking about it. When people are getting to know someone or perhaps have been in a serious relationship with someone for quite some time, it is common to be talking about things such as their professions, aspirations in life, goals within the relationship, their past, financial situation, etc. Yet, you never really hear people say that they talk about sex which still should be considered to be an important topic of discussion within any relationship. Why? I hate to say this but the truth of the matter is, not everyone is sexually compatible with their partner and/or might have totally different perspectives when it comes to sex. That is why it is ESSENTIAL to talk about these things when you are trying to get close to someone whom you genuinely care about. While it might be awkward, it does not have to be. It can be discussed once there has been a foundation of trust built or when you personally find the time is right. There is nothing wrong with talking about it and it could actually bring two people closer together.

Here are a few sexual topics to consider bringing up…

– How important is sex to you within a relationship? (Aka is it a necessity or you don’t really need much of it to be in a happy relationship?)
– What are your sexual preferences (aka what feels good to you most)?
– What are your sexual boundaries (aka what are things that you are not willing to perform)?
– What were your worst sexual experiences if any?
– How often do you enjoy sex in order to be in a sexually satisfied relationship?
– Do you have any sexual fantasies, if so, what are they?
I just listed a few things that I could come up with although I am sure the list can go on and on just depending on your curiosity level and your desire to connect with your partner. As I mentioned previously, everyone’s sexual perspectives and preferences can vary–and can vary significantly. You cannot assume that everyone has the same sexual expectations and desires as you or anyone who you knew previously because sex is a personal and private thing depending on the individual. I can share from personal experience (without giving away too many details) that I had previous relationships that I broke up because the sexual component of the relationship was NOT in alignment with what I was looking for. While most people assume that sex is always a great thing that is meant to bond two people, I do not believe this is always the case and it can actually have the opposite effect where you find yourself less attracted to the person over time.

If you are in a situation where you do not feel the sexual connection is bringing you closer to the person, it is worth considering moving on. I suppose this just depends on how much you prioritize sex within a relationship but generally speaking, you should NOT be settling on a relationship that is not providing you with what you define as a sexually satisfying relationship because trust me, there is always a better suited match out there and you probably just haven’t found your soulmate just yet but don’t give up–the Universe has got you. 😉

Don’t Let a Scarcity Mindset Ruin Your Dating Life

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There are many factors that can hinder people from having a successful dating life and one of the biggest that I see are those who possess a scarcity mindset. What is a scarcity mindset and how does it apply to dating? A scarcity mindset stems from the thought that there are limited options and that there are not enough resources to go around. So as a result, a person with a scarcity mindset believes that they must hold onto dear life everything that they have because something else might not come their way. I can assure you that this is extremely far from the truth! Let’s not forget that we live in an abundant world with lots of opportunities which means that you should never settle upon anything and this is especially true when it comes to dating!

Here are the most common things that I hear people say and I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way to think because it is coming from a place of scarcity when you should train your brain to live ABUNDANTLY.

“I am not happy with my current relationship but I do not think that I could ever find someone again.” – This is a horrible way to think! This essentially is saying that it is okay to settle for unhappiness because there is no hope in finding someone who could be a better suited match. I do believe that two people can find a healthy way to make things work within a relationship but at the same time, if in your heart you know that this is not the one, it is not wise to keep the relationship going just because you do not think you could find someone better. You won’t know unless you break off the relationship, put yourself out there, and explore other dating opportunities.

“I do not think that I will ever find someone this good so I will do whatever it takes to keep them in my life, even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices that I am not happy about.” – This to me not only conveys that this person has a scarcity mindset but it also shows that this person holds onto many insecurities. I say this because a secure person would not feel they have to bend over backwards just to keep someone around and would want an equal partnership. Someone who is very insecure might feel they have to do a lot in order to compensate for what they are lacking inside and feel that they will only be loved if they go above and beyond for the other person even if that means that the other person is not reciprocating and treats them as a doormat.

“I am never going to find anyone so what is the point of even looking?” – Wow, I do not think it could get much worse than this! This is such a depressing way to think and goes to show that a person that thinks this way is not thinking with an abundant mind. A person with an abundance mindset would know that there is someone for everyone and that they will eventually find their match because there are plenty of people they could connect with and potentially date.

Good Dating Rule to Follow: No Effort? – No Interest

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I read this recently — “no effort, no interest” and thought that this concept was not only concise but brilliant. If people took the time to follow this basic principle, they would save themselves from a lot of heartache and wasted time. If someone is not showing interest, while the natural instinct might be to chase more or to ask where you stand or to do more for the other person in order to feel validated, the BEST thing you could do is not engage anymore and to move on. Why stay interested in someone who is not putting in any effort or that gives you a feeling of uncertainty? I understand how hard it is to fight human nature but if you can make a conscious effort to move forward and not waste your time, you would be in a much better spiritual place.

When you are dating someone new, usually the signs are clear from the beginning whether or not the person is showing enough interest or not. Sometimes you will notice someone put in a lot of effort in the very beginning but as time goes on, the person might slowly drift away. Again, rather than trying very hard to hold onto this existing connection, it is best to let it go as soon as you notice the person is starting to put in less effort. If the person wants to keep you in their lives, then this person will find a way to do so without you having to put in all the work all the time. It is also important to remind yourself that we live in a very abundant world so for every door that closes, there is not only another one but a better one ready to be opened. People often forget about this when they are in the dating world and just want to hold onto the one person that is not giving them the level of interest that is desired because they do not realize that there is a much better connection out there for them. As soon as you notice a person is not putting in any effort or showing enough interest, then you should no longer be interested! Just cut your losses and keep it moving–bottom line.

Remember that this rule should apply to everyone! For example, if you are trying to win back an ex and they are showing zero interest in keeping you in your life, why bother trying anymore? Just cut the cord and this person out of your life altogether! Remember that this person is labeled an “ex” for a reason. I know that it is easily said than done but the sooner you can move on from this person, the sooner you can progress by working on yourself or getting yourself in a place where you are ready to start a new relationship. So the next time you are in a situation where someone is putting in little to no effort into their relationship with you, that is your cue to back off and lose interest because this person is not meeting your standards and/or ultimately giving you the validation that you are deserving of.

What to Do When Someone Is Pulling Away And How to Prevent This From Happening In the First Place

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When you form a positive connection with someone, it is natural to want to spend as much of your time with this person to further establish a stronger bond. While this is a good feeling to have from the get go–it is still important to consciously PACE the relationship and to fight the urge of wanting to give all your attention to this person. Why? For starters, by giving all your attention too soon, it shows a high level of emotional dependency when you do not even know the person all too well yet. This for some is not only overwhelming but also could turn someone off altogether if they sense that the other person is too clingy too soon. As a result, the connection can end as fast as it seemingly progressed at the beginning or you can find that the other person is drifting away from you altogether.

The best way to prevent someone from ghosting or pulling away as I mentioned above is to remember to always PACE the speed in which your relationship develops. In other words, don’t invest yourself entirely and take your time in getting to know someone. Even if it appears that the other person is moving fast, it is up to you to be in control of the situation and continue to pace the relationship. For example, if the person is in the habit of calling you everyday, you are not obligated to pick up the call 100% of the time because you are entitled to be busy and live your life away from your this person. You should not be consistently waiting by the phone and you should also be able to resist from time to time. You can always call the person back at a time that works for you. If you find that you are already developing an emotional dependency, this is where you need to examine deep from within and figure out ways to consciously break this pattern. This not only is an unhealthy way to form any relationship but it definitely creates a LACK OF ATTRACTION over time. Why? When you are too giving of yourself, the other person tends to take you for granted and not find you as interesting because they already know everything about you without having to put in too much of their own effort. Women in particular tend to treat men like boyfriends when they haven’t even established there is a committed relationship by doing things such as cooking for them, doing their chores, and essentially become their doormat. This is NEVER attractive to either gender might I add. No one wants to be with a doormat because deep down, these people tend to have lower standards, low self worth, and are exceptionally clingy. Unless you have two people who are equally clingy by nature, then there is a shot but the average person tends to get sick of being with someone who is too clingy. Maybe the overly kind gestures and demonstrations of love are APPRECIATED but appreciation and love and two different things in my opinion. You can appreciate someone very much but never fall in love with the person. As I point out all the time, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you. That’s just not how the process works! Maybe in fairytales and romance novels but not in real life.

If you notice someone is starting to pull away, it is natural to want to chase or approach the person to find out what’s wrong but you should always fight this inclination. You should pull away as well and/or do nothing about it. It is better to mirror their behavior and back off as well because by doing so, their behavior will be very telling. If the person goes out of their way to stay in contact by keeping the connection going, then this person most likely still has an interest. If you notice the person continues to create space by pulling away from you, then it is obvious that this person is not all too interested in which you have your answer and can begin to move on as well. While oftentimes, I feel that talking things out is best for gaining clarity, sometimes the signs are in front of your face and it is just a matter of picking up the signs as they come along with examining the other person’s actions.

Is It Worth Emotionally Investing In Someone Who Has Trust Issues?

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Sometimes you will encounter someone who flat out expresses that they have trust issues or you will notice that the person is very guarded where it is hard to really connect with them. It is important to keep in mind that some people will use this as an excuse or a way to further deter developing a connection from moving forward with you rather than expressing there is a lack of interest. If a person legitimately has trust issues, the important thing to do first is to examine the cause of this–if possible. Topics can include discussing the person’s childhood or if they have previously been in relationships where there was a lack of trust and/or they were betrayed. This will not only give you a better understanding but also give you more clarity in regards to whether or not you can further develop a serious relationship with this person over time.

Another thing to consider is that if someone has a lot of trust issues, this could be a sign that they cannot be trusted either. For example, if you meet someone who constantly is accusing you of cheating when there is no rational reason behind it, it could be because this person has a history of this (or on the other hand, as I mentioned previously, that they have experienced being cheated on and now are extra paranoid it could happen again). If this is the case where their trust issues stem from the fact that they are guilty of doing things that are distrustful, then it is clear that this is not the type of person you should emotionally invest in.

Some people are also naturally more guarded than others where they just do not trust people immediately and need to take extra time in getting to know someone in order to feel close and to build trust. In these types of scenarios, this is okay and just requires extra patience on your part. If you feel that there is both a genuine and mutual connection between the two of you–where progress is being made as you continue to spend more quality time together, then it is worth sticking around to see where things go and to continue to emotional invest. It is important to sense that there is movement in a relationship where it is going places as opposed to staying stagnant. If you feel that the other person still has their guard up and it has been challenging for them to open up with you, it might be best to move on and pursue a healthy relationship where you can both build trust together.

5 Tips for Choosing the Best Photos For an Online Dating Profile

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When it comes to online dating, there is no denying that people are going to scroll through your photos and base their decision on whether or not you appear to be a good match simply just by looking at your photos. Some people won’t even take the time to read your content so that is why you should put some effort in choosing the best photos that not only highlight your best features but also convey what you are like in real life. It can be hard to determine which photos are best but here are some helpful tips to help you put your best face forward so to speak if you decide to pursue online dating.

Make Sure Your Photos are Current – I personally believe that people should only post photos of themselves from the past six months. When I used to have a dating profile, I made sure everything fell within the six month mark because the best representation of yourself is your current self. How often have you or have you met someone that said that they went on a date with someone who looked nothing like their photos or that their photos looked like they were taken as far as a decade ago? I understand most people tend to look their best in their younger years but it is always best to display images that are recent so that if you ever do end up meeting in person, you are still recognizable from the photos that you shared.

Feature a Mix of Face and Full Body Photos – Although it might go without saying, many people often fail to showcase photos of themselves that include both their face and their full body. I think it is important to show both to convey transparency and so that people have a better sense of how you look if you were to meet up in person. If you are not in as good shape as you used to be, it is still better to show what you look like now than before so that the other person does not feel that you falsely advertised what you look like.

Choose Photos that Convey Your Interests – It is a good idea to post photos with backgrounds to show your interests and passions in life. For example, if you love to ski, then think about posting some photos of yourself during your last ski trip. If you love music, it doesn’t hurt to post photos of yourself from a concert that you went to. Chances are, someone with the same interests will be more intrigued in getting to know you better just based upon some of your shared interests.

Avoid Overly Revealing Photos – It is common to see people post revealing photos which can give off the wrong impression along with sending the wrong message to anyone who is looking at them. It can convey that a person is attention seeking or just looking for a cheap hook up. Even if that’s not the case, unfortunately, that’s how it can be interpreted. To avoid sending mixed messages or giving off a negative first impression, it is much wiser to shy away from posting those types of photos in its entirety.

When in Doubt, Ask For a Second Opinion – If you are unsure if the photos that you are posting are good enough to post, it does not hurt to ask a friend or someone who you are close to for their honest feedback. A photo that you might find flattering, someone might point out that you can post an even better photo which is why it never hurts to ask for a second opinion.