Category Archives: Confidence

Dating Advice for Men – Build Intimacy and Invest Emotionally at the Same Time

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Last week, I wrote an article for women with some dating advice and decided to follow up this week with a dating advice blog for men. While certain advice applies to both genders, there is certain advice that is gender specific. I wrote previously about how women are motivated by relationships that lead to marriage; however, with men–it is safe to say that most men are motivated to connect with women on a physical level. There is nothing wrong with that but what creates a divide is when men rush that phase of the process and/or fail to focus on the emotional connection as well. Most women do not want to be objectified by men or feel as though that men are only looking to hook up with them. Many men make the mistake of coming on too strong physically whether that is with their actions or their words. This can easily turn off a woman in its entirety or she will just come to the conclusion that the guy is not a serious guy along with labeling him as a waste of her time and moving on to a better catch.

This leads to a very important question: How do men avoid this from happening and become the ultimate catch in the eyes of the woman of their interest? First and foremost, as I want to point out from the start, it is essential to actually BE A CATCH! From there, men can work on certain skills to improve their dating lives because as we all know–good looks, success, money, assets, etc. are never enough if a man does not know how to treat a woman. Men need to learn to also be patient with the process like women but for different reasons. They need to build intimacy slowly (in other words, do not rush the pace of their physical relationship) AND invest emotionally at the same time. It is possible to create genuine intimacy through physical touch such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc. WITHOUT sex being involved. I truly believe that intimacy is the key to creating natural attraction and developing an attachment between two people which ultimately can lead to both a long term relationship and an incredibly satisfying physical one as well over time when it is supposed to. While I tell women not to rush into serious relationships, the same goes for men to stop rushing into a physical relationship with a woman without taking the proper time that is needed to actually get to know her and to bond with her by establishing a deep emotional connection first.

If you authentically like a woman and are pursuing her for the right reasons, it is important to SHOW her this by being consistent in your efforts when emotionally investing in her while building intimacy without pushing the envelope when it comes to having a physical relationship with her right away. This also creates trust and will make her feel more comfortable with you when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level. Even if she is open to exploring a physical relationship with you after a short time of knowing you, I still recommend denying her of sex to make it clear that you are not interested in her for a casual relationship and that you want to continue to better get to know each other first. In return, this will also earn more of her RESPECT towards you and most likely make her feel even more attracted to you (yes, it is amazing how reverse psychology often works as it does here). As always, remember to TRUST THE PROCESS because anything worth your while will take time so you might as well enjoy it while continuing to stay confident in your abilities to manifest your desires!

Dating Advice for Women – Stop Rushing Into Serious Relationships and Here’s Why

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As a woman, I understand that most of us cherish being in a long term relationship that will hopefully lead into a solid marriage and perhaps the opportunity to create a family in the future. I am not against this desire and I believe that if this is something that a woman wants to manifest into her life, then she should hold onto this vision and not give up until she makes it a reality. However, the way a woman approaches this can vary and oftentimes I see women rush into serious relationships as soon as possible which usually ends up either scaring the man away or she ends up settling on being with the wrong man because she was on an agenda to lock someone into a permanent relationship as soon as she can.

My best advice for women is to simply, TRUST THE PROCESS and to take things slow. People in general need to learn to trust the process when it comes to just about everything in life including personal relationships. When you trust that you will manifest what you want in the right time in your life, you are left feeling confident within your soul and you banish any anxiety or stress related to your goals because you know that your desires are on the way and will be delivered to you. I find that many women put themselves into a scarcity mindset where they panic if they do not find a husband by a certain age or they have this mentality that they will never find the right man for them at the time that they want which is usually right now. The key is PATIENCE paired with a POSITIVE outlook and focusing on embracing the PRESENT moment as opposed to obsessing over the future and/or in certain situations, dwelling on a failed past which will also hinder someone from the long term relationship that they are looking for.

It is human nature to strive for instant gratification but it is much more rewarding to not only trust the process but to enjoy the process as you are experiencing it! Rather than rush into a serious relationship the moment you find a man that you like or question if you are going to be a part of his future, it is much wiser to enjoy getting to know the man on every level and to determine if there is a MUTUAL CONNECTION first and foremost. If there is a genuine connection where you both feel the same way about each other, the sky is the limit when it comes to how bright your futures will be together. There will be zero uncertainty, you won’t be left feeling uneasy and having to question his every move, and everything will just flow naturally in the right direction.

There is no need to force relationships upon men or to get overly emotional over anyone that is not deserving of your love. This is why you also need to pace the relationship and let the man earn your affections. The question should not be, “Does he see me in his future?” It should actually be along the lines of, “Is this man worthy enough to be a part of my future?” There is a huge difference between those two questions. The first one comes from a weak mindset where the underlying question is, “Am I good enough?” whereas the other question is from a strong minded female essentially asking, “Is he good enough for me?” Women of high value already know what they bring to the table and already know that they are good enough. They also are not willing to settle on just any man who walks into their lives and take the proper time that is needed to examine them from the inside out to make sure that they are qualified enough to stay in their future. As a woman, it is important to always stay true to the core of your values, know your worth (the right man will know it from the get go and want to invest in you from the start, trust me), and to NEVER settle on a man just for the sake of having one. Although life is short, there is no need to rush your relationships because what is meant to be–will BE! If you are casually dating, take your time in getting to know people and do not overly invest in one person until you both establish that you are on the same page. If you are currently single, in the meantime, relax and just continue to enjoy that fabulous life of yours. If someone is worthy enough to join you, that’s great but if not, your life is still fabulous no matter what! 😉

Abundance Is A Mindset

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I am actually typing from my cell phone right now because I am away on vacation but I came across this at a boutique and wanted to share this simple yet powerful message: “Abundance is a mindset.”

I couldn’t agree more with this statement! When I reflect upon my own life and feel a heightened sense of gratitude in regards to everything I have manifested and have attracted at this stage of my life, it is apparent that I have a positive outlook along with a deep spiritual connection with the Universe.

I often preach about having an abundance mindset within my blog because I truly believe we live in a world with unlimited resources and opportunities. In order to receive, it is essential that you trust the process and believe that everything you desire is on the way and that it is attainable. If you have doubts or don’t think that your desires are actual possibilities, then you will never manifest your very best life. Trust me, if you keep your mind abundant, everything does fall into place at the right time in your life so don’t ever let negativity get in the way of that.

You Can Be Both Smart AND Beautiful – You Can Actually Be ANYTHING

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Sometimes you hear people say that people can either be intelligent or attractive but why can’t people CHOOSE to be both? I emphasize the word “choose” because it is up to us as individuals to determine what our best qualities are. Even if other people might not perceive you to be a certain way, what ultimately matters most is how you perceive yourself. For example, you might not be someone’s type look wise but does that mean that you are not attractive? Absolutely NOT! Of course you are! The key is to train your mindset to truly believe that you are! 😉 Remember that your thoughts do become things so if you believe that you are a certain way, then you will possess these qualities because your mind determined that they are indeed factual. This goes for intelligence and pretty much any desirable quality that is out there. Just because someone doesn’t classify you a certain way, that should not be an indicator of your authentic being.

When prevents people from being the best version of themselves is a weak mindset paired with a lack of confidence. If you recognize that you do not think very highly of yourself, the good news is that there are ways to change that and like most things in life, it is never too late to start! The best way to change your outlook is to create positive affirmations for yourself. These can be written down on index cards and read aloud as a reminder. This might sound like a silly thing to do but that is how manifestation works is by repetition and a strong focus on a desired outcome. It is amazing that when you are consistent and persistent, the internal work that you put into your self development actually transforms into a reality. Ultimately you can be ANYTHING that you want to be as long as you are in control of your mind and you are always striving to be the best that you can be! 🙂

The Best Response to Any Compliment

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Sometimes when people are faced with a compliment, especially if it comes unexpectedly, they are unsure of how to reply accordingly. I find it is common to hear people react in two ways, both that are on opposite ends of the spectrum. One is to deflect the compliment and respond in a way that they are not really accepting the compliment. This could be due to the fact that the person is modest by nature or because they do not feel worthy of the compliment. The opposite way people could reply to a compliment is to agree with the person or to take it a step further and confidently boast that they know. While I do agree that it is good to accept a compliment, taking this as an opportunity to brag or show off is not really appropriate in my opinion. I also do not think rejecting a compliment is the right thing to do because although it is a modest response, it can make the other person feel awkward while also making the person who received the compliment appear to be insecure.

So what is the best way to respond to a compliment? Simply say, “thank you” graciously. That is all that is really necessary! It shows that you are appreciative but that it is not going to your head and that you are confident enough to accept it. While most people know to say thank you, it is not always the immediate response that one tends to give which is why it is important to train the brain to just say thank you and keep it moving. Oftentimes less is more and that most certainly applies here–after receiving a compliment.

It Does Not Matter Where You Started – You Determine the Direction of Your Path

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Oftentimes when you turn on a news station, the focus tends to be on bad news and all the negative events that are shaping the modern world that we live in today. I recognize that it can sometimes be hard to hear good news when most media outlets only highlight the bad things. Over the weekend, I was listening to a headline that caught my attention and left a lasting impression which propelled me to want to share the news in my blog this week. It was about a graduating high school senior from Paterson, New Jersey who got accepted into Harvard University. While on the surface, you might be thinking, “What’s the big deal?” For starters, this specific area in New Jersey is not the most affluent of areas and the student was raised by a single parent. While most would look at where they started and declare that they did not have the same opportunities as someone who was in a much better starting position, she did not use her childhood or socioeconomic status as setbacks but instead, realized that with hard work and dedication to her goals, she can turn her dream into a reality! This leads me to the title of this blog, one of many important facts of life–It does NOT matter where you started because YOU determine the direction of your path!

The news station I was watching interviewed Isabela Gonzalez and it was truly a beautiful story that touched my heart. She was talking about how when she was a young child, she heard of Harvard University and she was told that prestigious people such as presidents went to Harvard University. In response, naturally, she was like, “Well then I want to go to Harvard University!” Her family members laughed and then explained to her that not just anyone gets accepted and that it is one of the hardest schools to get into. Did that leave her discouraged? Nope, quite the contrary. Fast forward her life a decade later and she will be attending Harvard University this fall.

This also brings me back to the power of manifestation and what I call “planting the seed.” In this example, it is so evident that the seed had been planted in her mind as a child that she was going to go to Harvard University. She was too little to understand what that meant or the academic excellence that would be required of her to get into a school like that but it was a decision that was planted in the back of her mind and stayed there. I truly believe that her belief that she was worthy enough to go there along with her desire to go to Harvard University is what subconsciously and perhaps consciously had motivated her to put in the work that was needed to receive her acceptance letter into the school. This by no means is a sheer coincidence but exemplifies manifestation at work. Please take note here that when you “plant the seed,” the seed eventually grows as long as you water the seed or in this case, take the action that is needed to help the seed grow into a miraculous plant.

Mind you, in the article I shared above, I was reading about how fear almost crept in and she almost did not take the time to apply but that she had a teacher who pretty much said he would not supply her a teacher recommendation unless she followed through and still applied to Harvard as planned. Even though she had some moments of doubt, she had someone who told her to apply anyway which points out two other important lessons which are to always believe in yourself and to try no matter the outcome! There is an incredible amount of spiritual value and life lessons that can be taught from this wonderful story. Congratuations to Isabela Gonzalez for her success story and to an even brighter future ahead!

How Self Love Impacts Your Life on All Levels

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One of the many themes of this blog is the topic of self love. What is “self love” exactly? I would describe self love as having a good level of inner confidence along with self respect. When you possess self love, it serves as a spiritual asset to guide your life’s path and allow for you to make the right decisions in order to live your very best life. For example, when you are dating, having a high level of self love will ensure that you are not being mistreated or taken advantage of because you love yourself enough to set the right boundaries and terminate any relationship that does not best suit you. In your professional life, self love can be used as a self motivator by pushing you to strive for everything that you believe that you deserve.

If you do not feel that you are in a good place within your life, it is a good idea to examine self and determine what areas need improvement and ways in which you can increase self love. I truly believe that if you have self love, you will pursue your life with a purpose and find genuine happiness no matter what you do in the outside world because of the fact that you feel so good on the inside. It is natural to feel down every so often but if at the core, you love who you are as a person and know your self worth, you will always rise above. This is why you have to make it a point to focus on building self love because it will not only enhance you as a person but also have the capacity to enhance your life.

Why You Need to Approach Dating With Self Love and Confidence

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I can tell a lot about a person’s self confidence level based on their dating choices. When someone tells me that they are with someone who neglects, cheats, and/or shares with me instances of any other extreme form of disrespect–this illustrates to me that this person does not have enough self love or thinks very highly of self. Why? When people possess a high level of self confidence and loves self, then you will find that they are not in these unhealthy relationships or bad situations to begin with. They are able to put themselves FIRST and foremost before their significant other with ease and will opt to find their very best match as opposed to dating someone who doesn’t meet their standards. They also do not have a tolerance for bad behavior or any signs of mistreatment and are ready to walk away altogether whenever they see any reoccurring red flag in a relationship.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are unhappy with your partner, it is important to dig deep and determine the reasons why you feel that way while also taking the time to look from within and examine your own level of self love. If you feel down about yourself, it might not be the best time in your life to be in a relationship. The reason being that you need to love self and be your best self before pursuing dating on a serious level. If you can work on yourself, not only are you benefiting your very best asset (that’s you) but you are also setting yourself up for attracting a desirable partner whom you can offer your best while also receiving the best in return. It is a win/win situation on both sides and the foundation of a fulfilling and rewarding relationship when you have two people who equally feel confident about themselves along with the overall success of their relationship.

How to Handle Rejection in a Healthy Way

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What people need to realize is that rejection is a part of life and that it does not have to be as horrible as you perceive it to be if you know how to react, cope, and become a stronger individual from it. Many people feel defeated by rejection and some even suffer from a bruised ego for a long period of time. What if I told you that rejection can be a GOOD thing and that you can become a better person from experiencing it?

First and foremost, the first thing you need to realize is that you are going to be okay after being faced with rejection. You might temporarily feel bad about yourself or the situation at hand but that feeling will go away over time. If you tell yourself that it was not meant to be at this stage of your life and that a better opportunity will come your way, you will be much more motivated to find it and to feel good again! This is the right mindset to possess because it shows that you are accepting of the outcome and know that rejection is not the end of the world because there are much more opportunities out there just waiting to be taken.

This leads me to my next point that it is extremely important to realize that for every door that closes, there are plenty of doors that are ready to be opened. Meaning that you cannot feel upset over a single rejection or perhaps a series of them because the Universe is full of abundance all around you and it is up to you to go out there and explore what opportunities await you. Even if there have been a series of rejections along the way up to this point in your life, there are an unlimited amount of opportunities that are on the horizon in your life’s path in which you will not be rejected. Remember that you are destined to receive everything that you want and more as long as you do not give up and you put yourself out there. If you choose to do nothing and let rejection get the best of you, then that’s on you. The Universe has a lot to give but you need to put in a high level of energy and effort in order to receive.

If you get rejected from a job, relationship, college, or something that holds meaning to you such as a sport or other hobby, take this as an opportunity to ask yourself, “How can I do better moving forward? What can I do to make self improvements?” This is not only beneficial in heightening your own self development but it is also a crucial step in elevating your future. Think about it, if you get rejected from making a sports team, the question to the coach should be, “What can I do to improve my skill set and be a better player?” This should not be a time to feel bad about yourself–it is the time to feel motivated to be the best that you can be and actually take the time that is needed to improve. If people never got rejected, there would be no room for improvement. It is for this reason that you should look at rejection as a golden opportunity for change and not as an attack against your personal character.

Being Single Doesn’t Have to Be a Negative Thing – 3 Benefits to Shift Your Mindset That It Can Be Positive

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While many people choose to be in a relationship or prefer to have a partner, it is natural to go through phases in life where you are single for long periods of time or you might have recently gotten out of a relationship. Some people feel bad about a failed relationship and/or might possess a deep feeling of loneliness from their single status. However, this does not have to be the case and no one should feel lesser of a person because of it. It is possible to be single and not be bothered by it–heck, there are even those who are happily single and choose to live this way. While that might seem like an oxymoron to some, it can actually be a positive thing to be single. How does one feel good about being single and what are the benefits?

Do What You Want on Your Terms – It is liberating to be able to do what you want and not have limitations. When you are in a relationship, sometimes you are not able to do what you want and you might find that you do not have as much free time as you use to have. Typically, you also have to check in with your partner before doing something whereas when you are single, you are a free agent.

Focus on Self Development – Although you should always be working on self development whether or not you are in a relationship, it is definitely easier to focus on yourself when you are by yourself. Again, it comes down to having more personal time which you can utilize to better yourself. This is also to your benefit because when you are at your best, this elevates your confidence while building your attraction level which ultimately will increase the likelihood of finding an equally high quality match when you are ready to.

Spent More Quality Time With Friends/Family – I find that many people who are in a relationship do not make time for their friends and family as they used to previously. While some people are good at finding that balance, many end up spending more time with their significant other and abandoning their friends and family. When you are single, this gives you the opportunity to still make quality time for other people other than the person you are with.

Final Note – It is natural for people to want to be in a relationship but remember that it is totally acceptable to be single too. It is way better to be single than to be in a relationship for the sake of it or to settle on a relationship that does not suit your best interests. Too often I see people stay in bad relationships because of this underlying need of being with someone (aka anyone) and out of the fear of loneliness. You are far more superior than that so stop settling! It is always best to stay single and wait for the right person to come into your life than to stay in an invaluable relationship.