Category Archives: Confidence

Why Being Physically Unattractive Shouldn’t Be Seen as a Bad Thing and How to Make the Most of It

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There is no denying that we live in a world where looks matter. Many people tend to be vain by nature but on top of that, many of us live in a social media world where people are showcasing their best looking selves at all times. The truth of the matter is, what you see can be a false reality and this is all SURFACE level. People should not be overly consumed with their outer appearance and focus more on what they have to offer that is unrelated to their looks. That is not to say that I am saying to let yourself go and not care about your physical looks whatsoever but to have other priorities and goals in life. Are there actual benefits to being unattractive? Believe it or not, there actually can be but it is really up to you to shift your perspective to see it this way.

For one, there are so many ways in which you can improve and enhance your natural looks nowadays. I am not referring to extreme measures such as plastic surgery but natural ways such as developing a good clothing style along with implementing a healthy diet/exercise routine. When you are fit and healthy, you tend to look more attractive. Everyone has the capability to make themselves look better or to enhance their image so there really are no excuses. Even if you possess features that you are not fond of, there is no need to focus on the negatives but to shift your mind onto all of your good features. (Trust me, everyone has them but it is up to you to recognize them)!

If you are not the most attractive person, it is reassuring in the dating world to know that the person dating you is more likely to be interested in you as a person versus only dating you for your looks. People who only date for looks typically end up very disappointed because they are not always taking the time to get to know the person from a spiritual level. If someone is investing the time to get to know you, this is a good thing because the person most likely is not shallow or might even find you attractive despite how you view yourself. As they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” so everyone is attractive to someone which means that there is no need to have unrealistic beauty standards.

While you might not have been born with great looks, this opens up opportunities to excel in other areas in life. Perhaps you are naturally athletic or artistic or have some other talent that you can maximize. There are many professions and hobbies where looks are not even a factor so it is wise to excel in these other areas of life rather than thinking negatively about your appearance. I find that people who are naturally not as attractive tend to be more successful than someone who was born extremely good looking because this person usually needs to try a little harder in life to get what they want. I especially see this with shorter men. Almost every short guy I know has a good career or financial success. Reason being that a man who is short understands at a younger age that he has to try harder (especially in the dating department) to compensate for not being as tall. That might mean having a larger bank account to attract a mate. I am not generalizing and saying this is true for all short men or unattractive people but it is an observation that I have made that I find to be valid. It makes sense too! People who are good looking feel that they do not need to do as much to get attention, validation, or to please others because people naturally tend to gravitate to them more. The same also goes for people who were not born into a lot of wealth. These are the people who work much harder than someone who was given everything in life because they understand from a young age that it is necessary to work hard because nothing is provided to them for free. When you are not born with something, rather than feeling bad about yourself or feeling defeated, it is essential that you do not let that get in the way of your success or see it as a handicap. It is up to you to rise above and work with what you have while striving to attain more. Time and time again, everything comes back to developing a strong and positive mindset so when it comes to your looks, the same mindset should apply.

Self Confidence Is Based On YOUR Personal Beliefs Above Anything Else

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Self confidence can come from various sources and change throughout the course of your life; however, there is no denying that self confidence will naturally manifest from within if you do things that align with your belief system. For example, if you believe that education equates to success, then you should take the courses needed to help you progress in your career which would ultimately make you a successful person over time. Everyone’s personal values and beliefs are individually selected so it is important to establish what you find most important and then take the action that is needed to possess those qualities. Another example might be prioritizing a fit and healthy physique as something that makes you feel confident. If this is important to you, then you will naturally be inclined to work out and implement a healthy diet in order to get the results needed.

While many have a belief that what others think of you matters, it is important to develop the mindset that you are a high value individual and can generate your own self confidence no matter what other people do or say. When you genuinely possess high self esteem, your belief about yourself will never be impacted or changed. Why? Your confidence levels and self worth are not determined by the people around you and come from within which is ultimately a positive thing. You want to get to a place in your life where you do not care what other people think of you because how you feel about yourself is what matters most. That is why it is important to pursue things that bring you both joy and confidence which are in alignment with your beliefs. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is time to dig deep and make some serious changes. You need to first focus on what you want and from there, actually implement the changes needed while working on developing the characteristics that can allow you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that it is important to want to make the changes for yourself and not because someone is pressuring you to be a certain way or to please others. Always let your intuition paired with your belief system be the guiding forces of your life and you will be on a spiritual path to growth and acceptance of self.

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

Is There Such a Thing As Being Too Possessive?

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It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.

Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.

No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.

10 Ways to Boost Your Attraction Level That Are Unrelated to Your Physical Appearance

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When people think of someone who is attractive, the first thing that often comes to mind is basing their attraction level based on their physicality. While there is no denying that looks are a factor in determining a person’s attraction level, the truth of the matter is, that is not the only factor. That is why when I see a person go through drastic measures to change their looks (ex: plastic surgery), I feel that this person has a false sense of reality in thinking that their looks are everything while also seeing this as a sign of low esteem. I do not want to generalize and say that this applies to all individuals but oftentimes, you will find that these are the underlying internal issues. There is nothing wrong with caring about self care and one’s appearance. When it becomes an issue is when a person has unrealistic expectations and cannot accept both their flaws and assets. As I mentioned previously, there are so many attributes and characteristics that can make someone incredibly attractive that goes past what reflection is seen in the mirror. Although there are probably hundreds to thousands of attributes, I came up with a short list of 10 things that came to mind.

Setting Aspirations and Goals – While most people might not place a ton of emphasis on goal setting, I find people who are goal oriented to be extremely attractive. It is more attractive to me to see someone investing their money and energy into their goals as opposed to their vanity aka their physical appearance. People who like to set goals tend to be self motivated, disciplined, and ambitious which are all extremely desirable and attractive qualities to have.

Possessing Healthy Habits – By possessing healthy habits, that does not just refer to health and exercise habits, it can apply to having any healthy habit that is beneficial to one’s soul and well being such as great sleep habits, work habits, etc. It is attractive to meet people who have good habits in general because they could be a good influence on yourself to develop better habits as well.

Pursuing Your Passions and Hobbies – It is refreshing to meet people who have defined passions and hobbies in life because it makes them more interesting. When people do not have passions, it can make the individual rather boring and unattractive.

Having a Fulfilling Career – I specifically mentioned a “fulfilling” career because this will ensure a higher level of happiness and personal fulfillment which ultimately is more meaningful in the long run. When someone has a career that they love and are good at, that is attractive. Usually with a fulfilling career comes both success and money which are all attractive things associated with a rewarding career path.

Being Genuine and Authentic – Authenticity is attractive because that means that what you see is what you get. The person knows how to be genuine and authentic which also shows that this person does not feel the need to be fake or to act like someone they are not. More people should adapt this quality not only to develop a stronger sense of self but also to enhance their attractiveness.

Reaching Financial Stability and Independence – I did not specifically use the word “rich” because it should not be about how much money someone has but their ability to be responsible with it and have complete financial independence. It is unattractive meeting someone with a significant amount of debt and/or money problems because this shows a lack of discipline and poor money decisions.

Having Similar Interests – As they say, “birds of a feather flock together” which would explain why it might feel natural to find someone with similar interests to be attractive. I believe sharing interests can bring people together whether that is a friendship or a personal relationship which is why having similar interests can be very attractive.

A Great Sense of Humor – There is no doubt that having a good sense of humor can add to one’s attraction level. When someone has the ability to make others laugh, it makes people feel good and happy. This is definitely a positive attribute and one that many people tend to value.

High Emotional Intelligence – While many would say that intelligence is attractive, there are so many different ways to define a person’s intelligence. Although book intelligence is seen as attractive and I am not taking away from this, I would say emotional intelligence is even more attractive. People with a strong emotional intelligence understand a person’s feelings and know how to connect on an emotional level. This is attractive because it’s easier to build a bond with someone who is emotional intelligent.

Believing in Self and Having Confidence – Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. The reason being is that self confidence propels people to succeed and progress in life because of their strong belief in their abilities along with setting higher standards because they know they deserve the very best. People with a true inner confidence do not need to strictly rely on their physical appearance in order to feel good about themselves and dig deeper beneath the surface to find things that increase their confidence levels.

Don’t Let a Scarcity Mindset Ruin Your Dating Life

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There are many factors that can hinder people from having a successful dating life and one of the biggest that I see are those who possess a scarcity mindset. What is a scarcity mindset and how does it apply to dating? A scarcity mindset stems from the thought that there are limited options and that there are not enough resources to go around. So as a result, a person with a scarcity mindset believes that they must hold onto dear life everything that they have because something else might not come their way. I can assure you that this is extremely far from the truth! Let’s not forget that we live in an abundant world with lots of opportunities which means that you should never settle upon anything and this is especially true when it comes to dating!

Here are the most common things that I hear people say and I am here to tell you that this is NOT the way to think because it is coming from a place of scarcity when you should train your brain to live ABUNDANTLY.

“I am not happy with my current relationship but I do not think that I could ever find someone again.” – This is a horrible way to think! This essentially is saying that it is okay to settle for unhappiness because there is no hope in finding someone who could be a better suited match. I do believe that two people can find a healthy way to make things work within a relationship but at the same time, if in your heart you know that this is not the one, it is not wise to keep the relationship going just because you do not think you could find someone better. You won’t know unless you break off the relationship, put yourself out there, and explore other dating opportunities.

“I do not think that I will ever find someone this good so I will do whatever it takes to keep them in my life, even if that means that I have to make personal sacrifices that I am not happy about.” – This to me not only conveys that this person has a scarcity mindset but it also shows that this person holds onto many insecurities. I say this because a secure person would not feel they have to bend over backwards just to keep someone around and would want an equal partnership. Someone who is very insecure might feel they have to do a lot in order to compensate for what they are lacking inside and feel that they will only be loved if they go above and beyond for the other person even if that means that the other person is not reciprocating and treats them as a doormat.

“I am never going to find anyone so what is the point of even looking?” – Wow, I do not think it could get much worse than this! This is such a depressing way to think and goes to show that a person that thinks this way is not thinking with an abundant mind. A person with an abundance mindset would know that there is someone for everyone and that they will eventually find their match because there are plenty of people they could connect with and potentially date.

Learn To Love the Body You Are Born With

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While there are societal pressures to look a certain way or to have the “perfect” body, realistically, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect body. What one might perceive as perfect might vary from another person’s definition of perfect so we should not care so much about what other people think and focus more on how we perceive ourselves. If you learn to love your body, it will build your confidence levels and help in developing an overall positive body image. Aside from visual aesthetics, everyone should proactively opt to live a healthy lifestyle which means incorporating a healthy diet along with daily exercise. There are endless benefits when you take the time to take care of yourself and this most certainly includes taking care of your body.

It makes me sad when I see people go through extreme measures to look a certain way or to feel good about their bodies when people should genuinely be grateful for and embrace the body they were born with. It is natural to find flaws but it should be just as natural to look for one’s own personal assets because everyone is born with something to be proud of. It is what makes us unique as individuals and we are all born with our own special set of DNA. We should not feel pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards which oftentimes is an illusion and/or try to look like someone else. While I understand that some might find the need to turn to plastic surgery in order to make the changes to feel good inside, some of these procedures can be dangerous to one’s health over time and do not really fix the inner problem which comes down to a self esteem issue. Before making any dramatic decisions in regards to one’s appearance, it is much better in the long run to work on the INTERNAL issues by working on building self esteem that can be generated by things other than one’s outer appearance such as expanding a career, starting a new hobby, and/or pursuing new goals that can bring success, happiness, and personal growth in life.

The Smart Way for Women to Determine Their Relationship Status Without Having to Ask – (It’s Not What You Think)

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In the dating world, I would say women often find themselves in situations where they are casually dating a man who they really like and while he may be giving all the signs that he is interested, there is one crucial gray area that is left uncertain–Are you both exclusively dating aka in a committed relationship? When a woman finds herself uncertain, it is natural that after a certain amount of time, she has “the talk” with the guy to see if they are on the same page and whether or not this “relationship” (in quotes because it is not confirmed just yet if it is a real relationship or not) has a future. While there is nothing wrong with wondering and wanting to have this conversation with a man, more often than not, if you are left in total confusion despite the so-called positive signs, there is a huge chance that the answer is NO. Reason being, when you are with the right person, things naturally progress as time goes on and there should not be any uncertainty in terms of where you stand in a man’s life. If you are dating a man who puts you in a mental state where you actually have to confront him and ask, then this is probably NOT the man for you. If you still believe that there is a chance and it is worth pursuing “the talk,” just be prepared that the outcome could go either way. If you are okay with potentially setting yourself up for total rejection, then by all means ask–even though it is already pretty predictable that the answer is probably going to be a no already. So instead of ASKING for clarification, there are much better ways to go about getting answers without coming off as needy and emotionally dependent on the man to validate that this very well is a serious relationship. The question is, how?

You need to put yourself in a dating situation where the MAN has to ask YOU what the status is and he is left to wonder, “Does this girl like me and want to pursue a relationship with me?” Your perception is everything so if you believe that a man should be asking you these questions instead of you being the one to have to ask, then you need to take the right actions in order to essentially FLIP THE TABLE on the guy where he is pursuing you while also being left wondering if you will commit to him. There are actually many things you can proactively do in order to create this dating scenario.

Date Multiple People at the Same Time – When a woman meets someone new and who she really likes, she tends to put all her eggs in one basket and dates this guy exclusively by giving him girlfriend privileges without establishing that she is even in a relationship with this guy. As far as I am concerned, if you are casually dating and there are no labels or discussions about a future, consider yourself SINGLE. Seriously. It is better to NOT assume that you are in a committed relationship with this guy, despite how much you like him and to go about your daily life which could include meeting up with other men. This is not cheating if you are only dating casually because for all you know, he could be doing the same thing too. There is nothing wrong with keeping your options OPEN ladies! It is best to date around which gives you the upper hand in your dating life and to also see who really is left standing at the end. The right person is going to want to commit to you at the end of the day and remember that this could take time so just be patient with the process and create an abundant dating life for yourself for the time being. This way, you are not left dwelling on the one man who might not even be so serious about you to begin with.

Don’t Be So Available – I see it all the time where women give so much of their time and literally jump through hoops for a man’s attention. For example, just because a guy calls you at a certain time everyday does not mean you are obligated to take the call 100% of the time. This is a huge mistake in my opinion. I understand that it is good to keep the connection going but by always being by the phone signals to the man that you are always ready to take his calls at the drop of a hat and you might not have much of a life which is not all too attractive. Generally speaking, being TOO giving, especially in the very beginning oftentimes has the OPPOSITE effect in the long run. Why? It conveys emotional neediness, dependency issues, and potentially a lack of self love. I say that because there should be a relatively equal give and take within a relationship as opposed to someone giving up all their time and energy so easily and so soon. A woman who lacks self love will often make a ton of sacrifices even if that means sacrificing their own best interests just to keep the man in the picture. This is not a good habit and something to be mindful of! If you are busy, it is okay to express that because the guy should be understanding of your time and know that you will eventually get back to him when you are available again. This also establishes healthy boundaries from the start which is a good thing.

Less is Always More – The less you do, the more you gain! Ladies, please trust me on this basic principle even if it sounds counterintuintive! Let me give you an example. Have you ever noticed that the men whom you have very little interest in or perhaps a pesky ex who does not get the hint that it is over will chase you constantly when you are not even responding or doing a thing to show that you are interested? They keep persisting even though in many cases, you want nothing to do with them? There is a reason for this. By ignoring them, it is creating a motivating force from within to pursue you even more and to work even harder to gain any ounce of your time and validation. It is for this reason that you should apply this same principle to the actual people who you DO like. I am not saying to outright ignore the guy at all times but what I am saying is to not go out of your way to be the first one to text how his day is going or to form a connection. Again, you need to leave HIM wondering what you are up to. Don’t be scared that if there are long gaps of space between your interactions, then he will forget about you–quite the contrary. If he is interested, he will be thinking about you even more and will probably go out of his way to keep the connection going–which is a good sign. If you notice that he continues to reduce his level of contact as time goes on, then you have your answer and can happily move on. Remember that when someone is genuinely interested, providing space is not going to deter the person from pursuing, it will actually do the opposite by keeping the attraction up and propelling the person to take action in order to fill the gaps.

Quiet Confidence – Why It Is Attractive AF and How to Obtain It

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Many people associate confident people to be the ones who make a grand entrance and/or stand out amongst a crowd. They might enjoy seeking attention from everyone around them along with being very popular. While these people can be labeled as confident, the truth of the matter is–that might not always be the case. These same people might be in desperate need of social validation in order to feel loved and good about themselves which shows that underneath the surface, they are actually deeply insecure individuals.

This leads me to the topic of what I call “quiet confidence” where someone is confident but might not come off that way because he/she does not have a showy personality and is quiet by nature. You won’t hear this person brag or try to show off to others that they are attractive, smart, etc. because they already know inside that this is the case so there is zero need to flaunt it to those around them. That is not to say that they don’t acknowledge their successes and greatness to others, it is just that they have a more modest approach to life and do not need to be the center of attention in order to raise their confidence levels. Personally, I find people who are quietly confident to be super attractive. They actually stand out more to me and pique my interest because they are not trying as hard to obtain validation from others and are not the loudest people in a room. There are definitely ways to become more quietly confident that can be shared here.

Eliminate Bragging to Others – As I pointed out earlier, a person who has amazing qualities does not need to say so because it goes without saying. In other words, let others be the ones to point out why you are awesome as opposed to trying to sell to everyone that you are because it can come off that you do not truly believe it yourself which is why you need to prove to others that you are a certain way or on the other hand, that you are a conceited individual.

Don’t Overshare Your Life – I never like to be judgmental but if I have to be honest–I find those who constantly feel the need to overshare what they are doing all the time and who go out of their way to showcase how perfect their lives are tend to either be a total narcissist or someone who is attention seeking which are both rather negative traits to possess. It is nice to share some highlights but overdoing it can come off the wrong way and also show an emotional neediness which is far from being quietly confident.

Focus on Your Own Personal Path to Happiness – People tend to be so influenced by what they see other people doing which detracts from their own personal path to happiness. You need to ask yourself, “what brings me joy?” and then actually go out and pursue those things. Who really cares what everyone else is doing, it matters more what you are doing and how you choose to steer the direction of your life! Those who are quietly confident just do their own thing without really caring about impressing others while they continue to follow their own path because they are confident about their life choices and where their personal path leads.

Don’t Be Too Outcome Dependent – 3 Ways to Prevent This From Happening

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It is natural to set goals and to get attached to the final outcome of the things that we desire most. While you should continue to focus on achieving your goals and manifesting everything that you want in your lifetime, it is important to not become too outcome dependent where you feel let down or disappointed when you do not immediately receive what you want. This can cause people to give up altogether or to feel bad inside because they are not getting the results that they are asking for. The truth of the matter as I point out time and time again–most valuable things take TIME! If you understand this basic principle, then there is no reason to feel bad about yourself or that you have to quit working towards your goals. Instead, you should feel more EMPOWERED knowing that what you want is on the way. Here are some tips to help prevent you from becoming too outcome dependent while also possessing the mental strength that is needed to help you continue to turn your desires into a reality.

Practice Patience – It is essential to stay patient and if you find yourself losing patience, take this as an opportunity to work on this area of your life. Be proactive with your intent to enjoy the present moment while practicing patience. You have to cherish your present life as it unfolds into your future and be patient knowing that your future is getting brighter each and every day. Sometimes that means that you might encounter a few setbacks along the way or there could be moments where it feels like life is stagnant but never let this mentally cloud your mind into believing that what you want is out of your reach. Again, all amazing things do very well take time so be extra patient when it comes to the time it takes in reaching your manifestations.

Consistent Action – If you do not take any action, you are never going to progress or get any results. That is why you need to be super consistent with your efforts and take the action that is needed to get what you want. Even if that means that you are not seeing any progression at the present moment, remember that if you continue to keep doing what you are doing, it will all lead to the greater good and eventually lead to the results that you are looking for. It is important to keep showing up and staying self motivated when it comes to doing whatever action that is necessary to get to your end goal. If you want something bad enough then giving up is NEVER an option!

Continue to Trust the Process – I know I preach this concept quite often but that is because I find that most people fail to trust the process and are clouded with lots of negative thoughts along with uncertainty. Uncertainty is the OPPOSITE of trust. It is natural to feel uncertain in regards to different areas of your life and the rate in which it is progressing but you need to stay mentally strong and TRUST that everything is okay and that you are on a path that is leading to your most desired outcomes. As I put it, you need to mentally believe that whatever it is that you want is “in the bag” meaning that it is inevitable that you will possess it–no matter how long it takes. Don’t forget that when you “trust the process” that you are CERTAIN that whatever it is that you are looking to receive will arrive within your future.