Category Archives: Confidence

Tis the Season to Make the Effort to Be Kind and Generous

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With Christmas right around the corner–in a week to be exact, it is important to preach both kindness and generosity. While of course I believe it is important to be kind and generous on a daily basis–I do believe that this is the time of year especially to step up your efforts up a notch. That might mean tipping higher the next time you are at a restaurant or to someone who provides a service for you. That might mean making a donation to an organization or to donate items to the less fortunate. Whether you are impacted or not by a heavily inflated economy or the financial stresses that the holidays could bring, remember that there are always people who are in need and that are in less fortunate situations than you are. Many people often only think about themselves or their families but it is important to step outside of yourself and to think about those who could be positively impacted with even a small gesture of kindness and generosity.

If you are not in a good financial situation yourself and you truly cannot afford to be generous at the moment, then if you can find a way to be kind to someone, that could still add a lot of spiritual value to someone’s life. There are many people who suffer from low self esteem and don’t feel good about themselves. Simply giving a compliment to someone who isn’t used to receiving one could really brighten someone’s day. Don’t underestimate how little actions can actually make a difference in this world! 🙂

Tough Times Make Us Tougher – Why Adversity Is Actually a Good Thing for Self Development

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The people who went through the most adversity and challenges in the earlier stages of their lives tend to be some of the most successful people out there. It actually makes sense that they are successful because they had to build inner strength, resilience, and understand hard lessons in their younger years which propelled them to persevere and to excel. When challenges are placed upon someone, that forces the person to think outside of the box and find ways to survive. I cannot stress enough the importance of embracing adversity and taking on more challenges. If you continue to stay in your comfort zone, you might feel safer coasting through life but you are preventing yourself from growing and becoming a better person.

As they say, “tough times make us tougher” and this is incredibly true. While many of us feel comfort in not having to work too hard and have everything handed to us with the least amount of effort, remember that you are doing yourself a disservice. It is always better to challenge yourself despite the fact it might bring upon frustration at times. You will find that it is better in the long run and will contribute towards your success and a much brighter future.

My Thoughts on Botox and Aging – Is it Really Necessary?

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Aging can be a rather touchy subject as it is a question that many don’t like to be asked: “How old are you?” In your youth, you most likely didn’t think much about aging or care when people asked you that. Partially because when you are young, there is this feeling of invincibility. However, as you get older, you probably view life very differently and it can be a subject that you dread to talk about. The thing is, everything always comes down to your mindset and perception. As a society, we should not view aging as a bad thing. With age comes more wisdom and life experience which are both spiritually valuable things. We also have to remember that every year of life is a blessing and aging is just a part of the process. While it might not be the most physically desirable process, we should all feel blessed to have the opportunity of living a long life and prize longevity.

We live in a modern world where there are many ways to keep up with your appearances and still maintain a youthful look. There is also the freedom to do what makes us happy and make changes to our appearances if they serve as a confidence booster or make us feel good. When it comes to something like botox which is so readily available nowadays, while I don’t have an issue with it–I do think that people should not view wrinkles as a bad thing. It is totally natural and expected to happen with age. In addition, I also think people should really do their research and determine if it is worth doing after going through the pros and cons. Sometimes doing these types of facial procedures can actually make a person look worse and the person was better off not doing it to begin with. Instead of turning to botox, there definitely are more natural approaches to aging gracefully such as avoiding long periods of time in the sun or investing in natural skincare products that keep the skin smooth.

On the other hand, there are definitely situations where people do go far off the deep end with making dramatic physical changes to appear significantly younger. Again, I am not someone who wants to judge but I am someone who would want to examine why there is a need to go through drastic measures in order to feel good. People should really focus their energy in all their areas of life and not put the highest emphasis on their physical looks because looks do fade and that’s a part of life. There are better things to care about such as your achieving your life goals, pursuing your intrinsic passions, spending time with the people you care about, and other things that matter most to you personally.

The Best Time to Find Love In Your Life

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Love is a mystical human experience that connects two souls together. For some people, they might find love very early in life–perhaps in their teenage years and they manage to marry their high school sweethearts and live happily ever after. Maybe for someone else, it could take a second marriage before finding their true soulmate. It is important to understand that every single individual is on their own unique path in finding love. It can come easier for some more than others but there should not be a deadline in your mind as to when you find this person. The reason being is that you can easily make a wrong decision and end up settling for someone who wasn’t “the one.” You have to remember that every dating experience was just a part of the journey into leading you to finding your soulmate. So never be discouraged if you go through long periods without a partner or through horrible breakups along the way. This collection of experiences will ultimately lead you to the greater good of finding true love if that is something that you want to manifest in your life. The best time to find love as I mentioned will vary from person to person since everyone is carving out their own unique path but there are a few basic principles you can follow that will allow you to get to your end goal.

When You are In Love With YOURSELF – As basic as this may sound, it truly is essential for you to love yourself first above anything else. If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect someone to love you? You also cannot expect to seek validation from others in order to build more love for yourself because it truly needs to come from WITHIN. You need to find ways to accept and love yourself for both the good and the bad with a focus on all the GOOD things that you have to offer to the world.

When You are Not Really Looking – I know this can sound counterintuitive to many but it is amazing how love can find ways to find you when you are not proactively looking. The reason for this is that when you are too hungry for love, it can actually have the opposite effect and put into the Universe a needy vibration which naturally repels most people. When you are too desperate, you are thinking from a scarcity mindset where you need to cling onto any person who comes your way with the fear that you will not find anyone else. No one wants to feel that their significant other cannot function without them because this shows the person is too dependent on the person and on the relationship which is never healthy.

When Your Life Is Fabulous (With or Without Someone) – When you are living your very best life, you are giving the right vibrations into the Universe to attract love into your life. You are doing it naturally without any forced effort. This could mean that you are pursuing your passions, furthering your education, striving in your career, and/or surrounded by an amazing social circle of friends and family who adore you. People want to be with someone who is not only in a great place in their own lives but that will bring their lives UP–not down. If you are a broke bum living in your friend’s basement with a negative attitude about life and can’t get your $%^& together–no offense but why would someone naturally be interested in starting a relationship with you? You need to be very conscientious of your life decisions and create a clear path of intrinsic happiness. From there, you will notice that you will start attracting higher quality people into your life including potentially attracting your soulmate.

Why Some People Take Things More Personally Than Others

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While personalities vary and some people are potentially born more sensitive than others, there are other factors that can contribute to a person’s sensitivity level. Those factors include both life experiences and a person’s environment. Think about it, if someone grows up living in a bubble where they are never given consequences for their behaviors or told that they are great at everything with minimal effort–then any little insult or negative comment is going to hurt them because they were never exposed to adversity or hardships. On the other hand, if you have someone who has experienced more rejections in life or had a tougher living situation, this person is going to have a thicker skin and become mentally stronger over time. Maybe initially, they might feel weak, hurt, and extra sensitive but they tend to overcome these negative feelings because they are forced to cope and persevere.

Remember that it is always much more rewarding to have to work harder at things, to experience failures, to not be living a cushy life where everything is handed to you, and to embrace any challenges that come along the way because you are developing a stronger mindset and therefore will not take things as personally. It is okay to feel sensitive from time to time but ultimately, it is best to know how to adapt and learn how to regulate your emotions. The ability to self monitor your emotions is a life skill that needs to be developed and ideally it is something that should be taught as early as early childhood. Keep in mind that this is a skill that can improve throughout the course of your lifetime and it is never too late to consciously make the effort to become more mentally tough.

The Easiest Way to Set a Boundary – Just Say NO

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When it comes to setting boundaries, it is important to first and foremost establish what your personal boundaries are and to not be afraid to actually apply them. It is very easy for people to take advantage or to try to test your boundaries. If you know what your boundaries are then it will become much more automatic for you to enforce them and to be able to live up to them. Some people might think that someone is a mind reader and will instantly know what your boundaries are but unfortunately, that is far from the reality. It is also important to recognize that what you see as a personal boundary might not be the same for someone else. So what is the easiest way to convey your boundaries?

The best way to establish your personal boundaries is to have the strong ability to say NO to someone. While it might come off as abrasive or rude on the surface, when it comes to your boundaries, you need to learn to be able to say no and to essentially stand up for yourself. If you don’t, then no one else will and you are leaving yourself in a vulnerable position where you will be taken advantage of or manipulated. It is important for you to advocate for yourself and to communicate your boundaries so that there are no mixed messages or any miscommunication. As I mentioned previously, people cannot read your mind and it is unreasonable for you to expect everyone who you encounter to be able to obey your boundaries when you do not explicitly spell them out. If you find that someone tries to overstep your boundaries and/or cannot take no for an answer–do not be afraid to remove this person from your life. All healthy relationships require mutual respect and boundaries. Remember that someone who loves, cares, and supports you will have no problem honoring them.

A Strong Need to Be Perfect is Actually Detrimental for Self Development for These Reasons

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It is natural in life to want to strive for perfection in different areas of your life. Maybe you are someone who strives for perfect grades or wants to be the perfect athlete. It is healthy to want to be your personal best but if it borders on obsession then this is far from healthy. The main reason being is that it is impossible to be perfect at everything because perfection is a facade. I would always encourage people to find their strengths and to develop their passions but not to feel the need to be absolutely perfect at everything because it is a lost cause and not really elevating your self development in the long run. There are also a handful of underlying issues associated with striving for perfection which I am going to discuss here.

Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect Actually Displays a Controlling Personality – This might not apply to everyone but someone who wants to be perfect typically has a strong need to control everything in their lives. This is not a healthy quality to possess especially when it comes to your self development. In life, you are simply not going to be able to control everything. While it is good to plan ahead and try to control most things, there are going to be many instances where you need to go with the flow and let things happen as they are supposed to.

There are Always Going to be People Better Than You – It is important to face the reality that there are always going to be people better than you and you cannot be the very best at everything that you pursue in life. You might have a long list of talents and skills that you excel at but it is a waste of your mental energy if you think that you can perfect everything. This is a false sense of reality because there are many times in your life that you are going to need to experience FAILURE in order to SUCCEED. It might sound counterintuitive but it is actually those moments when you fail that will teach you to think of ways to overcome these failures and to propel you to find ways to progress in life. So it is healthy to not be perfect and to experience failures in order to keep your ego in check along with giving you the proper coping skills that are needed during those times when things do not go your way.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted – Maybe this does not apply to everyone but I find that people who have this inner need to be perfect are actually people who suffer from low self esteem. Think about it–a person with high self esteem does NOT need to be perfect. This person is confident in knowing that they have their flaws and can accept themselves as is. If someone goes too far out of their way to be “perfect,” it is because they feel that they are missing something or that they are not good enough. Being good enough means that you can take the good with the bad. A highly confident person understands that there is no need to be the most attractive, rich, or amazing person in order to feel good about self. When you see a person who does a ton of plastic surgery to create that “perfect” image, this is actually a person who is screaming from the inside, “I need to do all these extreme things to look perfect in order to feel good inside and to receive validation from others because I do not love myself.” There is nothing wrong about caring about your appearance but if you see someone go overboard, then you know that this person is deeply insecure and does not feel accepted unless they strive for a perfection that does not even really exist.

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

Does “Money Buy Happiness?” – If Not, Then What Does?

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Many people hear the expression that “money buys you happiness.” While there is some truth to that in the sense that having the ability to spend it freely and providing financial security are very positive things that many of us strive for in our lifetimes–it does not necessarily guarantee you happiness. There are people who have a lot of money but might not know how to manage it successfully which eventually leaves them in more financial trouble or could bring upon more added stress into their lives. There are also people who have unlimited financial resources who live unfulfilling lives and simply aren’t happy. So what are some other keys to happiness that do not revolve around money? 

Pursuing a Meaningful Career That Adds Value to the World – It is really important to dig deep and determine what you want to do with your life and finding a career path that is spiritually rewarding and brings intrinsic happiness. When I say a “career,” that also can include volunteer work, being a parent, etc. It does not have to tie into a job that brings in an income but really just finding your authentic purpose in your life.

Building Healthy Relationships – People often underestimate the importance of human interaction and developing healthy relationships but it is very beneficial to have good people in your life. Even if you are someone that is introverted and prefer to spend most of your time alone, that does not mean that you should not have zero relationships in your life. It is wise to have a social circle of people who are there to support you and spend your quality time with.  

Loving Self to the Fullest – You might already hear this all the time (especially in this blog 😉 ) but you need to love yourself! If you are not in a place where you feel that you love yourself, then you need to determine ways to get to that place. This could mean finding a better job, getting out of a bad relationship that is preventing you from thriving, or pursuing new hobbies that bring you joy. It is a necessity to find and learn ways to love yourself to ensure you are bringing happiness into your life. 

The Difference Between Practicing Self Love and Being an Actual Narcissist

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It is often misconstrued that someone who practices self love can be seen as someone who is selfish or in extreme cases can be labeled as a narcissist. This is actually the complete opposite. A person who practices self love is someone who has high self esteem while also having the capacity to accept themselves despite their flaws. This person does not need external validation to feel fulfilled and happy inside. In addition, this person follows their passions and makes life decisions that are in alignment with what they naturally gravitate towards as opposed to doing things based on what everyone else is doing. Those who practice self love should not be judged negatively and should be seen as people who have a healthy relationship with self.

Someone who is an actual narcissist might come off as a highly confident individual but the truth is– deep down inside, a narcissist has very poor self esteem. This would explain the need for constant validation from the outside world in order to provide internal security or elevate their self esteem in any way. This person will also do selfish things without regarding others’ feelings which again goes back to the need of doing whatever it takes to increase their self esteem–even if that means bringing other people down in the process. Sadly, narcissists tend to feel good to make others feel bad about themselves.

As mentioned previously, narcissistic qualities can include looking for admiration from others, lack of empathy, and low self esteem. It is pretty easy to detect someone who is narcissistic because they are caught up with self in both selfish and negative ways. Someone who practices self love is not caught up with seeking attention and naturally values self without the need to rely on others for the confidence boost. It is important to recognize when you come across a narcissist so that you can avoid them at all costs, especially within your personal relationships. It is not worth getting involved as you will probably get hurt at some point along the way.