Monthly Archives: April 2024

A Strong Need to Be Perfect is Actually Detrimental for Self Development for These Reasons

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It is natural in life to want to strive for perfection in different areas of your life. Maybe you are someone who strives for perfect grades or wants to be the perfect athlete. It is healthy to want to be your personal best but if it borders on obsession then this is far from healthy. The main reason being is that it is impossible to be perfect at everything because perfection is a facade. I would always encourage people to find their strengths and to develop their passions but not to feel the need to be absolutely perfect at everything because it is a lost cause and not really elevating your self development in the long run. There are also a handful of underlying issues associated with striving for perfection which I am going to discuss here.

Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect Actually Displays a Controlling Personality – This might not apply to everyone but someone who wants to be perfect typically has a strong need to control everything in their lives. This is not a healthy quality to possess especially when it comes to your self development. In life, you are simply not going to be able to control everything. While it is good to plan ahead and try to control most things, there are going to be many instances where you need to go with the flow and let things happen as they are supposed to.

There are Always Going to be People Better Than You – It is important to face the reality that there are always going to be people better than you and you cannot be the very best at everything that you pursue in life. You might have a long list of talents and skills that you excel at but it is a waste of your mental energy if you think that you can perfect everything. This is a false sense of reality because there are many times in your life that you are going to need to experience FAILURE in order to SUCCEED. It might sound counterintuitive but it is actually those moments when you fail that will teach you to think of ways to overcome these failures and to propel you to find ways to progress in life. So it is healthy to not be perfect and to experience failures in order to keep your ego in check along with giving you the proper coping skills that are needed during those times when things do not go your way.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted – Maybe this does not apply to everyone but I find that people who have this inner need to be perfect are actually people who suffer from low self esteem. Think about it–a person with high self esteem does NOT need to be perfect. This person is confident in knowing that they have their flaws and can accept themselves as is. If someone goes too far out of their way to be “perfect,” it is because they feel that they are missing something or that they are not good enough. Being good enough means that you can take the good with the bad. A highly confident person understands that there is no need to be the most attractive, rich, or amazing person in order to feel good about self. When you see a person who does a ton of plastic surgery to create that “perfect” image, this is actually a person who is screaming from the inside, “I need to do all these extreme things to look perfect in order to feel good inside and to receive validation from others because I do not love myself.” There is nothing wrong about caring about your appearance but if you see someone go overboard, then you know that this person is deeply insecure and does not feel accepted unless they strive for a perfection that does not even really exist.

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

2024 Has Been a Wild Year So Far – An Earthquake, Solar Eclipse, and What’s Next?

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As we finish up the first quarter of 2024 already, I have to say that this has been a relatively wild year. Putting aside recent events which I will delve into a little later in this post–I think that this year has brought upon a unique set of challenges for many people who I know personally–(yes, myself included). I feel that 2024 has definitely been the year of uncertainty and a time of deep life reflection with many life lessons to be learned. The last time life felt this way was back around this time four years ago back in 2020 when everyone was locked down due to Covid-19. While we have thankfully come a long way since, there is this creepy parallel between 2020 and 2024 in my eyes. While it is still very early in the year to make personal progress in self development and for things to take a positive turn–it feels that this might not happen for awhile and that we will all just need to remain both resilient and positive until we move back to better times. (Don’t worry, try not to lose any trust in the Universe–we will be back to good times again at some point)! Now moving on to earthquakes…


While I recognize that earthquakes are quite normal in certain parts of the world, experiencing an earthquake in New Jersey is not common whatsoever. I was off of work that day and was driving so I did not feel it at all at the time that it occurred. However, the epicenter happened to happen in my area so all of my family and friends had felt it. It extended many miles so even my family members in Long Island and Connecticut had felt it too. Many hours later, around 6pm there was an aftershock by me. I was actually home this time and I saw items on the top of my dresser shaking. I couldn’t believe it! I have been reading that there will probably be a series of aftershocks as a result of the earthquake in the weeks to come. We shall see…so what about that solar eclipse that everyone was talking about?


There was also a total solar eclipse in certain parts of North America this past Monday on April 8th–just a few days after the earthquake shook everyone up on Friday, April 5th. It had been hyped for many weeks leading up to the day of so although I am far from a science person; I did go outside with solar eclipse glasses and tried to see if I could see the solar eclipse with my very eyes. Being that it was very cloudy at the time of the solar eclipse, I did not see anything. Many other people I spoke to had difficulty seeing it too unfortunately. It was a slight let down but at the same time, I was pretty indifferent in regards to the solar eclipse to begin with. I just carried on with the remainder of my day after it passed like any other day.

With so much happening within such a short amount of time these past few days, you have to wonder…so what’s next? At least, that’s what I’m thinking about right now as I write this blog. As always in life…to be continued 😉

You Don’t Need Beauty, Brains, or Money – What You Need MOST in a Relationship

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Now I know the title might seem a bit extreme but I am sure that it did catch your attention (which was the whole point). 😉 I want to start off by saying that when you are searching for a life partner, there are going to be tons of qualities that you are looking for and that every individual’s criteria is going to vary. Most people are going to have some of the same general things while others will have very specific attributes that are important to you but might not be important to someone else.

Going back to what people “generally” are looking for, many people will say that finding someone who is extremely physically attractive or intelligent or wealthy will be on the top of their lists. I am not here to tell you that you should not be striving for those qualities if that is something of importance to you. However, what I do want to point out is that these are not only common requests but that they are rather generic and surface level things to ask for from a life partner. Ultimately, don’t you think there should be deeper and more meaningful qualities to look for?

This brings me to something that I personally find ESSENTIAL in a life partner and a quality that is not really talked about often enough. I would say that a high level of emotional intelligence goes a LONG WAY in a forever type of relationship. Too often I hear people say that they are interested in someone who is “intelligent” but that can mean different things to different people and what I might label as “intelligent” might be radically different to someone else. I also do not think being “smart” really adds a whole lot to a relationship unless perhaps you crave having intelligent conversations with your partner on a regular basis. Now adding that emotional component to intelligence is very specific and refers to someone who is able to understand, emphasize, and relate to you. This is so crucial in a relationship! It is important to be with someone who really takes the time to not only get to know you but understand you emotionally speaking where you do not have to explain yourself or feel that you need to be less vulnerable because the other person (sadly) does not have that emotional intelligence component in their brain.

Over the years, I have grown to value this quality and seek it within all my personal relationships which include friendships as well. Being able to create an emotional bond with your partner while also feeling heard and understood on an emotional level is such a healthy component within a relationship. In romantic relationships, I understand that there are going to be many qualities that are essential to you but try to dig a little deeper and look past the surface level things. While I do understand having an attractive, smart, and wealthy mate are ideal qualities–I look at those qualities as bonuses rather than essentials. Think about it–looks can and often tend to fade over time, being smart doesn’t really add too much to the relationship itself at the end of the day, and your partner can always run out of money one day. If you relied too much of your decision on finding a life partner based on these things then you will end up feeling very disappointed, unhappy, or left feeling empty if this criteria were to not stay the same over time. It is for this reason that you should opt to find someone who is emotionally intelligent which will better ensure the longevity of your relationship in the long run.