Category Archives: Self Perception

A Strong Need to Be Perfect is Actually Detrimental for Self Development for These Reasons

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It is natural in life to want to strive for perfection in different areas of your life. Maybe you are someone who strives for perfect grades or wants to be the perfect athlete. It is healthy to want to be your personal best but if it borders on obsession then this is far from healthy. The main reason being is that it is impossible to be perfect at everything because perfection is a facade. I would always encourage people to find their strengths and to develop their passions but not to feel the need to be absolutely perfect at everything because it is a lost cause and not really elevating your self development in the long run. There are also a handful of underlying issues associated with striving for perfection which I am going to discuss here.

Trying Too Hard to Be Perfect Actually Displays a Controlling Personality – This might not apply to everyone but someone who wants to be perfect typically has a strong need to control everything in their lives. This is not a healthy quality to possess especially when it comes to your self development. In life, you are simply not going to be able to control everything. While it is good to plan ahead and try to control most things, there are going to be many instances where you need to go with the flow and let things happen as they are supposed to.

There are Always Going to be People Better Than You – It is important to face the reality that there are always going to be people better than you and you cannot be the very best at everything that you pursue in life. You might have a long list of talents and skills that you excel at but it is a waste of your mental energy if you think that you can perfect everything. This is a false sense of reality because there are many times in your life that you are going to need to experience FAILURE in order to SUCCEED. It might sound counterintuitive but it is actually those moments when you fail that will teach you to think of ways to overcome these failures and to propel you to find ways to progress in life. So it is healthy to not be perfect and to experience failures in order to keep your ego in check along with giving you the proper coping skills that are needed during those times when things do not go your way.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Accepted – Maybe this does not apply to everyone but I find that people who have this inner need to be perfect are actually people who suffer from low self esteem. Think about it–a person with high self esteem does NOT need to be perfect. This person is confident in knowing that they have their flaws and can accept themselves as is. If someone goes too far out of their way to be “perfect,” it is because they feel that they are missing something or that they are not good enough. Being good enough means that you can take the good with the bad. A highly confident person understands that there is no need to be the most attractive, rich, or amazing person in order to feel good about self. When you see a person who does a ton of plastic surgery to create that “perfect” image, this is actually a person who is screaming from the inside, “I need to do all these extreme things to look perfect in order to feel good inside and to receive validation from others because I do not love myself.” There is nothing wrong about caring about your appearance but if you see someone go overboard, then you know that this person is deeply insecure and does not feel accepted unless they strive for a perfection that does not even really exist.

Stop Blaming Yourself For Your Failures – Do These Things Instead

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Experiencing failure is an inevitable experience in life and although it is associated with frustration, sadness, and other negative feelings–there are ways to fail and still persevere. It is very natural to want to blame yourself for your failures but that can leave you feeling very upset and prevent you from recovering. First and foremost, you need to walk away from any failure with a positive attitude. You need to detach yourself from any negativity and find ways to move forward with your life. This can be a very good time for self reflection where you do not dwell so much on the failure itself but you find ways to look past it. During this time, you should also think about ways of improving the outcome in the future and to motivate yourself to try again and/or find better solutions. While you might go through moments where you feel defeated, it is essential that you do not let negativity steer you towards giving up or feeling bad about yourself. When you fall, you need to get yourself right back up and keep it moving. The same goes with when you fail–you need to just get back on track with your life and make some positive strides in the right direction.

While many of us strive for perfection, you need to recognize that life is not meant to be perfect at all times. If you never came across failures in life, there would be no room for spiritual growth. It is often during the dark times and the times that you fail that you are actually setting yourself up towards success in your future. You might not see it at the present moment but it all ends up making sense later. That is why you need to trust the Universe, even when you come across some failures along the way. You need to take these failures as life lessons and LEARN from them. That is the positive takeaway from any failure is to look at it as an opportunity to gain wisdom and pick up some valuable spiritual lessons along the way.

If you are still having a tough time mentally with whatever failure that you are going through, take this time not only for yourself but do not be afraid to seek out help and to reach out to those who care about you. It can be extremely helpful to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences or to just express your feelings to someone. Some people like to bottle everything inside but it can actually be more beneficial to express yourself to others. You would be amazed at the amount of emotional support you would receive simply by speaking up and talking to a professional or to someone you know. For me personally, I cannot thank the supportive people around me enough for listening and empathizing with me when I needed it most. That is why it is important to surround yourself with a positive support system and to embrace seeking their advice during those times where you could use the extra emotional support.

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A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

10 Ways to Boost Your Attraction Level That Are Unrelated to Your Physical Appearance

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When people think of someone who is attractive, the first thing that often comes to mind is basing their attraction level based on their physicality. While there is no denying that looks are a factor in determining a person’s attraction level, the truth of the matter is, that is not the only factor. That is why when I see a person go through drastic measures to change their looks (ex: plastic surgery), I feel that this person has a false sense of reality in thinking that their looks are everything while also seeing this as a sign of low esteem. I do not want to generalize and say that this applies to all individuals but oftentimes, you will find that these are the underlying internal issues. There is nothing wrong with caring about self care and one’s appearance. When it becomes an issue is when a person has unrealistic expectations and cannot accept both their flaws and assets. As I mentioned previously, there are so many attributes and characteristics that can make someone incredibly attractive that goes past what reflection is seen in the mirror. Although there are probably hundreds to thousands of attributes, I came up with a short list of 10 things that came to mind.

Setting Aspirations and Goals – While most people might not place a ton of emphasis on goal setting, I find people who are goal oriented to be extremely attractive. It is more attractive to me to see someone investing their money and energy into their goals as opposed to their vanity aka their physical appearance. People who like to set goals tend to be self motivated, disciplined, and ambitious which are all extremely desirable and attractive qualities to have.

Possessing Healthy Habits – By possessing healthy habits, that does not just refer to health and exercise habits, it can apply to having any healthy habit that is beneficial to one’s soul and well being such as great sleep habits, work habits, etc. It is attractive to meet people who have good habits in general because they could be a good influence on yourself to develop better habits as well.

Pursuing Your Passions and Hobbies – It is refreshing to meet people who have defined passions and hobbies in life because it makes them more interesting. When people do not have passions, it can make the individual rather boring and unattractive.

Having a Fulfilling Career – I specifically mentioned a “fulfilling” career because this will ensure a higher level of happiness and personal fulfillment which ultimately is more meaningful in the long run. When someone has a career that they love and are good at, that is attractive. Usually with a fulfilling career comes both success and money which are all attractive things associated with a rewarding career path.

Being Genuine and Authentic – Authenticity is attractive because that means that what you see is what you get. The person knows how to be genuine and authentic which also shows that this person does not feel the need to be fake or to act like someone they are not. More people should adapt this quality not only to develop a stronger sense of self but also to enhance their attractiveness.

Reaching Financial Stability and Independence – I did not specifically use the word “rich” because it should not be about how much money someone has but their ability to be responsible with it and have complete financial independence. It is unattractive meeting someone with a significant amount of debt and/or money problems because this shows a lack of discipline and poor money decisions.

Having Similar Interests – As they say, “birds of a feather flock together” which would explain why it might feel natural to find someone with similar interests to be attractive. I believe sharing interests can bring people together whether that is a friendship or a personal relationship which is why having similar interests can be very attractive.

A Great Sense of Humor – There is no doubt that having a good sense of humor can add to one’s attraction level. When someone has the ability to make others laugh, it makes people feel good and happy. This is definitely a positive attribute and one that many people tend to value.

High Emotional Intelligence – While many would say that intelligence is attractive, there are so many different ways to define a person’s intelligence. Although book intelligence is seen as attractive and I am not taking away from this, I would say emotional intelligence is even more attractive. People with a strong emotional intelligence understand a person’s feelings and know how to connect on an emotional level. This is attractive because it’s easier to build a bond with someone who is emotional intelligent.

Believing in Self and Having Confidence – Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a person can possess. The reason being is that self confidence propels people to succeed and progress in life because of their strong belief in their abilities along with setting higher standards because they know they deserve the very best. People with a true inner confidence do not need to strictly rely on their physical appearance in order to feel good about themselves and dig deeper beneath the surface to find things that increase their confidence levels.

The Importance of Turning Burdens Into Blessings – Life Is About Staying Positive and Personal Growth

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I just randomly stumbled upon this saying, “turn burdens into blessings” and although this might sound cliché to some, it was actually the first time that I read this and I could not agree more with this statement which was why I wanted to touch upon it within my blog. Although we cannot always control the highs and the lows that life throws our way, the truth of the matter is that we can choose the way in which we navigate our emotional response in regards to what happens to us in our lifetimes. For example, while one might get very upset over a breakup (which FYI is normal and justified)–another person might look at this “burden” as a “blessing” where they feel liberated to start fresh or maybe take that time to focus on self development. My point is, whatever it is that you perceive as negative, it can very well be translated into something POSITIVE. For all you know, it can open the door to a better opportunity later in time or be a necessary experience that will set you up for something even better. Seriously! I know it is easy for someone to say, “Everything is going to be okay” when you feel miserable and you are entitled to feel sadness, frustration, or negative thoughts from time to time but it is important to look at the bigger picture and to pick yourself back up and shift your mind into a positive one. I truly believe that facing adversity and challenges from time to time are what actually contributes most to our own personal growth. If things were great at all times, people would never pick up any spiritual lessons and life would remain rather stagnant with no motivation to make things better.

Also remember that the people who on the surface you might perceive to have a better life than yours or perhaps have been born into better circumstances than yourself might face their own unique set of challenges and problems that you are not aware of. No one’s life is perfect so it is important to continue to focus on your own personal path and develop your own coping mechanisms when you are faced with a challenge. At the end of the day, it is up to you to build the inner strength that you have the mental capacity to overcome anything because guess what–you can and you will as long as you have the positive mindset to back that belief up! 😉

Learn To Love the Body You Are Born With

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While there are societal pressures to look a certain way or to have the “perfect” body, realistically, we all know that there is no such thing as a perfect body. What one might perceive as perfect might vary from another person’s definition of perfect so we should not care so much about what other people think and focus more on how we perceive ourselves. If you learn to love your body, it will build your confidence levels and help in developing an overall positive body image. Aside from visual aesthetics, everyone should proactively opt to live a healthy lifestyle which means incorporating a healthy diet along with daily exercise. There are endless benefits when you take the time to take care of yourself and this most certainly includes taking care of your body.

It makes me sad when I see people go through extreme measures to look a certain way or to feel good about their bodies when people should genuinely be grateful for and embrace the body they were born with. It is natural to find flaws but it should be just as natural to look for one’s own personal assets because everyone is born with something to be proud of. It is what makes us unique as individuals and we are all born with our own special set of DNA. We should not feel pressured to conform to unrealistic beauty standards which oftentimes is an illusion and/or try to look like someone else. While I understand that some might find the need to turn to plastic surgery in order to make the changes to feel good inside, some of these procedures can be dangerous to one’s health over time and do not really fix the inner problem which comes down to a self esteem issue. Before making any dramatic decisions in regards to one’s appearance, it is much better in the long run to work on the INTERNAL issues by working on building self esteem that can be generated by things other than one’s outer appearance such as expanding a career, starting a new hobby, and/or pursuing new goals that can bring success, happiness, and personal growth in life.

You Can Be Both Smart AND Beautiful – You Can Actually Be ANYTHING

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Sometimes you hear people say that people can either be intelligent or attractive but why can’t people CHOOSE to be both? I emphasize the word “choose” because it is up to us as individuals to determine what our best qualities are. Even if other people might not perceive you to be a certain way, what ultimately matters most is how you perceive yourself. For example, you might not be someone’s type look wise but does that mean that you are not attractive? Absolutely NOT! Of course you are! The key is to train your mindset to truly believe that you are! 😉 Remember that your thoughts do become things so if you believe that you are a certain way, then you will possess these qualities because your mind determined that they are indeed factual. This goes for intelligence and pretty much any desirable quality that is out there. Just because someone doesn’t classify you a certain way, that should not be an indicator of your authentic being.

When prevents people from being the best version of themselves is a weak mindset paired with a lack of confidence. If you recognize that you do not think very highly of yourself, the good news is that there are ways to change that and like most things in life, it is never too late to start! The best way to change your outlook is to create positive affirmations for yourself. These can be written down on index cards and read aloud as a reminder. This might sound like a silly thing to do but that is how manifestation works is by repetition and a strong focus on a desired outcome. It is amazing that when you are consistent and persistent, the internal work that you put into your self development actually transforms into a reality. Ultimately you can be ANYTHING that you want to be as long as you are in control of your mind and you are always striving to be the best that you can be! 🙂

How to Love Your Self Image – 3 Things You Can Do to Love Yourself the Way You Are

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It is natural to care about your looks and your outward appearance. I think this can be a good thing as long as you also possess a healthy mindset to match your positive self image. Unfortunately, there are many people who have a negative perception of self which would allow for them to go through extreme measures to “look good.” For example, both women and men get fixated on certain things that might not be within their control such as their height, facial features, and body composition. Personally, it is mind blowing to me that people would want to get surgeries to totally change their face or change parts of their body that take away from their natural born identity. I am not saying that to put down anyone who has made that choice because to each their own and whatever makes someone feel happy about self; however, the majority of the time, I just do not think it is necessary. Think about it, no one should feel the need to take a drastic approach in altering themselves physically–especially if it is unsafe and can cause potential health risks down the line in order to look and feel good. So what can be done to love your self image that won’t require a major transformation?

Focus on Your Best Features – It is very easy for people to focus on what they lack but it is most important to shift that focus onto what one already does have. I believe everyone has attractive attributes and what you perceive as unattractive can actually be a complete turn on to someone else. Rather than comparing self to others and trying to fit into a mold of what society’s definition of “beauty” is, it is best to work with what you were born with and to maximize what you already have. Trust me, EVERYONE has something attractive about themselves if they choose to recognize it and fixate on it rather than thinking about what they do not like or what they think is “missing.”

Develop Your Own Unique Sense of Style – You do not need to be the most naturally good looking person in the world to have a great sense of style. This is also something that can change and evolve over time. Areas of style can include your choice of clothing, hairstyle, makeup, jewelry, accessories, etc. Everyone has the potential to be stylish or at the very least develop a style that works for you and enhances your best features. While it is helpful to keep an eye out on the latest trends, remember that trends come and go so it is better to determine your very own individual style that is true to yourself.

Work on Building Self Love From the Inside Out – It is important to realize that looks are not everything. Having a beautiful exterior does not mean much if a person has low self esteem and has an endless amount of internal issues. Sometimes the most generically attractive people in the world have the most problems and feel the worst about themselves. This leads me to my final point that it is essential to always be working on self development and to find ways to increase confidence on the inside as opposed to just putting all your energy into feeling good on the outside. When you genuinely feel great about yourself, it truly does radiate from the inside out which should always be the end goal.

Failed Relationships Don’t Make You A Failure

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With the end of any relationship, there can be a mix of emotions ranging from deep sadness to loneliness to emotional grief. No matter who initiated the breakup, I would say that most people usually feel down afterwards and that it is common for people to feel like a failure after any serious relationship or marriage ends. Although many people go into a relationship with their best intentions and the hopes for a long term future, it is inevitable that not all relationships are built to last forever and guess what–that’s OKAY!!! It is okay to break up a relationship if there wasn’t enough compatibility or if you grew apart or if you found yourself extremely unhappy with your partner. Whatever the case may be or whatever caused the relationship to end, it is important to remember that a failed relationship does not define you and that you should never feel like a failure because of it. It is up to you to keep your mind strong and let the time that is needed to heal so you can move on. By move on, that can mean different things to different people. For some, that might mean working on self and living an independent life. For others, that could mean finding the right life partner or companion at a later time in life. Everyone’s life journey is different and hence navigating life after a breakup is going to vary depending on one’s personal situation.

While coping with the breakup, rather than seeing it as wasted time or feeling like a failure, you have to look at the important life lessons you gained from it and utilize these lessons to shape you for a better future. From a spiritual standpoint, don’t question why you went through what you went through. Instead, recognize that the outcome all happened for a reason and that it ultimately had to happen to lead to the greater good of your life–which you have not even experienced yet. I truly believe that you have to go through some hardships at times to set yourself up for a better path. This is a gentle reminder that life cannot only consist of rainbows and happiness at all times. We all need to “fail” in order to succeed and this same basic principle applies to your personal relationships. While some relationships were destined to end, that doesn’t mean that you should give up on dating altogether or that you will continue to attract dead end relationships. Your mindset just needs to shift into a more positive one along with trusting that you will be okay and without a hint of doubt know that better things are on the horizon. ❤

Why Self Love is Always More Valuable Than Social Validation

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We live in a world today that is often measured by the amount of “likes” and followers we receive on social media platforms. It is hard to always know the motive behind why people post what they do but I would like to genuinely believe there are people who like to post things on their social media to stay connected, share interesting aspects of their lives, promote good causes, relate to others, and/or create a positive digital space for others to be a part of. However, there is no denying that many people post things to receive validation from others to feel better about themselves. I want to start off by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with receiving validation and obtaining positive feedback from others. I believe that people should be putting more good energy into the world so if that means loving a photo or posting a nice comment, I am all for that. However, I am NOT for people heavily relying on social validation to determine their self worth, feel accepted by others, and/or as their main source of self confidence.

Rather than focus on who’s liking what on social media or the amount of little hearts that are received on a post, everyone should take the time to really dig deep and examine what creates one’s own sense of inner happiness and how to generate self love. At the end of the day, you will always have YOU–and that’s what counts most. You do not need to rely on the validation of others when you love yourself. There is no need to obsess over what others are thinking about you all the time because who cares what they think? The focus should be on building yourself up on your very own and not seeking people to constantly validate you in order to feel good, important, or of value. Do not let social media or anyone determine your self worth. Do not fall into a habit of short changing yourself as you need to focus on elevating yourself with self love above anything else. You have to remember–you are your biggest asset. (When you love yourself, that’s a given)!