Category Archives: Dating Advice for Women

How to Live Happily Married For a Lifetime

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While there is about a fifty percent chance that a marriage could lead to divorce, there are still many people who want to get married at some point in their lifetime. Are there ways to ensure that a marriage can last forever? Absolutely! Despite marriage statistics not being so good, that should never evoke fear or deter anyone from wanting to get married because there are definitely ways to make sure that you build a marriage that is everlasting and filled with happiness. While there are many factors involved and every marriage is unique–here are a few ways to set yourself up for a marriage that will last forever.

Find Your Best Possible Match – One of the biggest life decisions you will ever make is not only getting married but actually CHOOSING your best possible match. Personally, I had a few opportunities where I could have gotten married but being that I see marriage as a serious decision, I did not want to settle on any partner. It is okay to walk away from a relationship if you do not see it leading to a happy and fulfilling marriage. That is why it is important to really dig deep as to what you want in both a future spouse and a marriage. You need to examine if this person has the qualities that you value along with having life goals and desires that are in close alignment to yours. Do not be afraid of being too selective! You are always better off being selective than just settling on any person who wants to marry you or feel the pressure that is the next step within your relationship. If in your heart, you do not see this person in your future, then you need to break off the relationship and trust that the Universe will be bringing you the right match when you are spiritually ready to attract this into your life.

Make Sure the Feelings are MUTUAL – This is a common mistake that I see in many relationships. You might have one person who is devoted and loves their partner whereas the other person is not as interested. This is a major issue and often an issue that does not change for the better. If one person is not as interested, there is a good chance that this person will ultimately end the relationship at some point because they were settling or never too invested to begin with. It is important to recognize that you cannot love someone into falling more in love with you. Meaning that you can do everything to show your love for this person but if the person is not really in love with you, then that will never change. If you recognize that you are with a partner who has the potential of leaving you due to their lack of commitment or interest, you are always better off breaking it off before it leads to marriage because you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them in return.

Communication is EVERYTHING – It is essential that you make communication a priority in your marriage. This means being able to express how you feel and being as authentic to one another as possible. People tend to assume that their spouse is a mind reader and should have the ability to read their emotions and know how to treat them. This is often not the case! The only way that your spouse can understand you better is to actually communicate with them. This not only strengthens your bond to one another but allows for two people to really learn about each other on a deeper level.

Learn to Make Sacrifices for the Greater Good of the Marriage – Every successful marriage requires a good balance of give and take. When you have one person who is constantly taking and not making the personal sacrifices needed to make their partner happy, this is where you can see built up resentment and a chance for the relationship to deteriorate all together. It is a reality that you are not always going to get your way which is why it is important to understand when to compromise. If making certain sacrifices means making your spouse happy, then you should know it is worth it! As I mentioned, remember that it goes both ways meaning that your spouse should also make compromises to make you happy as well.

Divorce is Not an Option Mentality – When times get tough within a marriage, it is very easy to want to file for divorce and to end it in its entirety. In certain extreme scenarios where there is abuse, neglect, and/or other major problems arise, I would have to agree getting a divorce is necessary. In most common circumstances though, most problems within a marriage could be fixed or improved given that both parties strive to work things out and have the belief that divorce is never an option. If two people have this mentality, then the thought of divorce would never cross either person’s minds. It is important to think positively and to come to solutions together–no matter what.

What to Do If Your Partner Tries to Change You

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I know I have written past blogs about what to do if you want to change your partner and how I do not believe that is the best approach in most dating scenarios. What if you are in the situation where someone is trying to change you? Is there a solution? Whether you want to hear it or not, if you find that you are with someone who is constantly trying to change you–whether it be your habits, personality, appearance, etc. then you should reconsider the longevity of your relationship and if it is worth keeping this person in your future. If someone wants to change you, this is not only a form of control but there is also an underlying issue at hand: This person does not love and accept you for you. This is a problem and one that should not be overlooked or ignored. I know you might be thinking, “Well if this person chooses to be with me, then this person must love me and want to be with me.” While on the surface this might be true, it is only a matter of time before the relationship unravels or there are more issues that arise over time. It is possible the person likes you for certain qualities but that the bad qualities outweigh the good which is why your partner feels justified putting in the effort to try to change you. That does not make it okay and you should not feel the need to have to do this in order to please your partner. Of course if it is a simple and easy request, then it is reasonable to make the change. Please keep in mind that I am only talking about if someone is trying to change you in drastic ways that go against your will and the core of who you are.

You should never be a person’s second best or feel as though you are not good enough within a relationship. If you find that you feel this way, rather than waiting for the other person to end it, it is better if you find the strength to end it yourself. Another suggestion is to have an open and honest conversation about how you feel and see how your partner responds. Someone who genuinely loves you is not going to react negatively and will empathize with your feelings. I recognize that it can be hard to have these conversations along with the consideration of ending the relationship but you have to trust in your heart that there is a better match for you. Remember that choosing a life partner is one of the biggest life decisions that you will ever make. You should absolutely be with someone who adores you and loves you unconditionally. You are too valuable to settle on being with someone who does not see the very best version of yourself. This is why you need to put yourself first and demonstrate self love by not tolerating a partner who tries to control or change you. You are ALWAYS better than that! 😉

There is No Such Thing as “I’m Too Tired” or “I’m Too Busy” When Someone Is Interested In You

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It is natural to want to give someone the benefit of the doubt if they state that they are “too tired” or “too busy” to get together. It is very easy to buy into this when you are talking to someone who you are very interested in. Sometimes this can be the truth. Maybe the person has a super intense work schedule or other life circumstances that would make what seems to be a list of excuses to actually be quite valid. More likely than not though, this person does not know how to communicate concretely or chooses not to because it can feel uncomfortable to state the truth–that this person is simply NOT interested. When someone is interested, their behaviors are much different and you find yourself receiving consistent validation for this to be the case. There is no room for second guessing or wondering where you stand in this person’s life. Despite how busy someone is, when you are talking to someone who is genuinely interested in you, the signs should be crystal clear. This person will always find a way to make time for you with the time that they have and want to see you. If you are talking to someone who is barely in contact with you and is not making any effort to see you, then the signs are clear that the person does not value you enough to prioritize you into their lives. These are the types of people you should be avoiding and not investing your time in. Rather than asking for closure (such as “where is this going?”) or trying to find ways to get this person’s attention, it is better to just let go of the situation rather than holding onto a dead end relationship. I know it is easier said than done but sometimes you need to really step back to examine the situation rather than get too caught up in the moment or hold onto any small scraps of validation that often are totally meaningless to the other person.

The dating world would be a much better place if people could just be authentic and honest with their intentions and express themselves wholeheartedly despite how awkward or hurtful it could be at times. Unfortunately, many people would rather ghost someone or slowly blow off the person as opposed to providing clarity and expressing their true feelings. It goes both ways so it is good to remember that you are also doing someone a favor by telling them the truth as opposed to sending the message that there is a chance for the relationship to progress into a romantic one. By still being available and/or giving attention to someone, this still leaves the door open and misleads someone into thinking that you are interested even though you are not putting in any real effort. It goes both ways so if you value honest communication, it is important to also give it back in return.

Mortgage or Marriage First? – My Thoughts on Living Together Before or After Marriage

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Back in the day, most couples would wait to get married before they would move in together. Fast forward to the modern world that we live in and you will find that many couples choose to buy or rent a place together before getting married. There are also couples who decide to live together with no intention of getting married. Is there one option that is better than the other? The best answer to this is to really take a deep dive and examine what your personal life goals are along with your personal values. I say “personal” because it is important to really have your own set of individual goals and values to help you determine exactly what you are looking for. Then you can proactively seek a partner who has goals and values that are closely aligned with your own. If you don’t think about what you truly want, it is easy to fall into a relationship where the other person controls yours or you make too many personal sacrifices just to do whatever it takes to please your partner which is never a healthy dynamic.

For me personally, I was brought up with the old school way of thinking that it is better to get married first and then live together. Mind you, I was also raised to think for myself and make my own independent decisions–even if that could drastically be different from my parents. In other words, although I was raised with this way of thinking, I happen to also agree with it despite the social shift that has happened in recent years. Personally, I believe if marriage is one of your end goals, that it is better to wait until marriage before living together. One of the reasons is that it gives you something really great to look forward to as a couple if you choose to wait. If you live together first and then get married, there really isn’t too much of a change because you have already experienced living together. To me, getting the privilege to live together should come with marriage and not be something taken lightly. In the past, I had serious relationships where my partner would talk about wanting to live together. I find it rather insulting to talk about living together before talking about marriage. Even if that is not the intent, that is how I felt because of my strong personal value of cherishing marriage before cohabitation. So my answer was always a firm NO. Many people want all the perks of living together without marriage which means cheaper living expenses and taking up more of your time. However, why would you essentially give that privilege to someone without the commitment of marriage? Essentially as the idiom goes, why buy the milk if you can have the cow for free? That is why I believe in being patient and waiting for marriage before even talking about living together with anyone. If someone is that eager to live with you, this person should be just as eager to marry you if that is something that this person is also looking to manifest in their future.

If marriage is something that you do not care about and you are looking for a companion to live with and/or trying to keep your living costs down then I would say that there is nothing wrong with making this choice. There is nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and I would encourage those who feel this way to never feel pressured to get married against their will as this would only result in resentment and potentially a divorce later in life. If saving money is a huge priority and you would prefer to save money living together before marriage, then as I mentioned, this is okay as well. That is why I emphasize that you need to have concrete goals and values which will ultimately guide you in making the best life decisions for both you and your partner.

Responding to “I Love You” for the First Time Dos and Don’ts

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When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that feelings are going to run high and either you or the other person will want to verbally express their love for the first time. If you are the first person to hear it, the words might catch you off guard which could leave you at a loss for words. While it is natural for this to happen, it is good to be prepared if this moment ever arises within a relationship. There are many different approaches but certain approaches are definitely better than others.

Do…

  • It is important to be as HONEST and AUTHENTIC as possible–even if that means saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. If you are honest, you do not run the risk of leading the other person on or giving the other person a false sense of reality in terms of where your relationship stands.
  • If you feel the same way, then it is okay to reciprocate that you love the person back. Although it might be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at that moment, it is best to say it back so the other person knows that you both have romantic feelings towards one another.
  • If you absolutely do not feel that way and do not believe that you will ever be at a place where you can love the other person, it might be a good idea to establish that you only see the relationship as a friendship or end the relationship altogether so that the other person can get over you faster and move on.

Don’t…

  • It is important to not totally disregard or ignore it when you hear the words. If you do not feel the same way, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or try to change the subject. That will definitely make the person feel undervalued while also stirring more curiosity in their minds as to where they stand with you.
  • Do not say that “you do not know how you feel” because an “I don’t know” typically means no so you are better off conveying that the feelings are not mutual to the other person in a gentle way as opposed to saying that you’re unsure. Sometimes when you say that you are unsure, it leaves the door open for those feelings to eventually change into romantic ones. Although it might come across as clear that you are not in love with the other person, uncertainty can often send mixed messages.
  • Do not just repeat that you love the person back when you do not feel the same way. This is the worst thing that you can do. While you might want to say that to make the other person feel better and keep the “relationship” going, you are ultimately going to hurt this person in the future. It is best to save everyone’s time by expressing how you actually feel now rather than dragging out a dead end relationship.

What Are the Best Ways to Get Rid of a Lingering Ex?

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Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to last forever in which it is necessary to break off the relationship. The best breakups are ones where the decision is mutual; however, in many situations, there could be one person left heartbroken with the false hope that they will get back together in the future. Signs that this is the case is when you find your ex trying to make any type of connection possible or requesting to stay friends so they can still be a part of your life. While this can seem harmful initially, it is not healthy and can become rather annoying and toxic over time. This is why it is important to figure out the best strategies of getting rid of your ex for good.

Detach from Social Media – One of the first things you should do is remove your ex from social media altogether if you feel that this person is still trying to watch your every move and slide into your DMs. By staying “friends” on social media, that is leaving the door open for communication and gives them an opportunity to still feel connected to you in some way. If you are not interested in staying friends or getting back together in the future, then it is the right call to cut them off from your social media.

Verbally Express That It Is Over for Good – While I understand that this can be a very tough conversation, it is important to flat out declare that the relationship is over for good. Then there is no miscommunication that things could work out later in time or for the person to think you are still interested. Many people tend to think that their ex still cares for them romantically if they are still in contact with each other which is why it is essential to make it crystal clear that the relationship is over by saying so. Even though it might feel bad to reject someone who you dated at one point, remember that you are doing the right thing in the long run by being honest and upfront so no one feels misled in any way.

Block Their Phone Number – In certain extreme situations, it is necessary to block the other person’s phone number so they cannot call or contact you. While this might appear cruel or insensitive, sometimes the other person won’t get the hint unless you block them. Then you do not need to deal with your ex trying to creep back into your life all the time or at random. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind” and sometimes blocking is the best way to achieve this. You should not be in a position where you have to constantly explain yourself or your reasoning for the breakup which is why you are better off just cutting off this person from your life so that everyone can keep their life moving.

Navigating Expectations Within Relationships – Why It Is Important to Find a Healthy Balance

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When it comes to expectations, I find that people tend to either set them too high or too low. It is definitely good to set expectations in general as opposed to not setting them at all but there is such a thing as setting expectations that are too high. When it comes to personal relationships, it is important to make a conscious effort in finding a healthy balance with your expectations. It is natural to place high expectations on a new relationship or when you meet someone new whom you really like. While you might have a mental checklist of exactly what you are looking for in a mate, the reality is, no one is perfect and no one is going to fit every single item on your checklist. That is why I emphasize that the key is BALANCE when navigating your expectations or otherwise you are always going to be left unhappy–no matter who you’re with.

I recommend taking the time to develop a realistic list of expectations of what matters to you most but to also keep your mind open to other people’s differences. While it is great being able to find a person with many similarities, sometimes contrasting traits will enhance the relationship and still ensure that there is compatibility because they will compliment each other. A common example of this is if someone is more extroverted, this person will tend to connect better with someone who is more introverted. When developing any healthy relationship, it is essential to have the capacity of adapting to others while also being flexible. As I mentioned previously, being too rigid and/or setting your expectations too high will typically result in major disappointment and unhappiness which all could have been avoided.

If you do find that you are dating someone who doesn’t meet any of your expectations–in other words, this person has more negative qualities than positive qualities, then you have every right to want to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in settling with being someone who does not live up to any of your expectations and mislead the other person into thinking that you are invested in the relationship when you already know ultimately that you are not interested due to unmet expectations.

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

How Important Is It to Date Someone With the Same Health Habits As You?

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When it comes to health and wellness, some people definitely prioritize their health more than others while some people do not care about their health whatsoever. While I do think it is very difficult to find someone who totally shares the same views and habits in regards to their health, it is definitely possible to find someone who has a similar lifestyle. The question is, how much does this matter in a relationship?

I would compare health and fitness to religion, where it is something that could matter significantly and when there are contrasting views, it can cause some conflicts and tension over time. If you have someone who is very health conscious, this person can grow very resentful over time if their partner is not and can feel like they are a burden by their poor health decisions. The person who is less healthy can also grow resentful of their partner if they feel that their healthier partner cannot accept them for themselves and that their significant other is trying to change them to become more healthy. I can see how both parties could get frustrated at each other for different reasons. I think the underlying issue here is a lack of ACCEPTANCE and/or unrealistic expectations. When two people love each other, they should find a way to accept each other which means accepting the good and the bad traits. If two people learn to accept each other, then this would never become a major issue in a relationship. While I also believe that setting expectations in a relationship can be a positive thing, it is not positive if you set an unrealistic expectation to change someone who most likely will not change their habits. The only way a change can be made is if the person intrinsically wants to change and not trying to change because the other person is pushing them to.

At the same time, if you detect early on within a relationship that a person does not have the same views and/or habits as you when it comes to health and this is something that is extremely important to you, I advise it is best to move on and to look for someone who can be on the same page as you. It is better to break it off and find a partner who is in alignment with your lifestyle as opposed to trying to change the person because as I mentioned previously, the person most likely will not change. You will be much happier in the long run and feel closer to your partner when you are with someone who has very similar health habits as you–given that is a high priority in your life.

Is There Such a Thing As Being Too Possessive?

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It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.

Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.

No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.