Category Archives: Dating Advice for Women

What to Do When Someone Is Pulling Away And How to Prevent This From Happening In the First Place

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When you form a positive connection with someone, it is natural to want to spend as much of your time with this person to further establish a stronger bond. While this is a good feeling to have from the get go–it is still important to consciously PACE the relationship and to fight the urge of wanting to give all your attention to this person. Why? For starters, by giving all your attention too soon, it shows a high level of emotional dependency when you do not even know the person all too well yet. This for some is not only overwhelming but also could turn someone off altogether if they sense that the other person is too clingy too soon. As a result, the connection can end as fast as it seemingly progressed at the beginning or you can find that the other person is drifting away from you altogether.

The best way to prevent someone from ghosting or pulling away as I mentioned above is to remember to always PACE the speed in which your relationship develops. In other words, don’t invest yourself entirely and take your time in getting to know someone. Even if it appears that the other person is moving fast, it is up to you to be in control of the situation and continue to pace the relationship. For example, if the person is in the habit of calling you everyday, you are not obligated to pick up the call 100% of the time because you are entitled to be busy and live your life away from your this person. You should not be consistently waiting by the phone and you should also be able to resist from time to time. You can always call the person back at a time that works for you. If you find that you are already developing an emotional dependency, this is where you need to examine deep from within and figure out ways to consciously break this pattern. This not only is an unhealthy way to form any relationship but it definitely creates a LACK OF ATTRACTION over time. Why? When you are too giving of yourself, the other person tends to take you for granted and not find you as interesting because they already know everything about you without having to put in too much of their own effort. Women in particular tend to treat men like boyfriends when they haven’t even established there is a committed relationship by doing things such as cooking for them, doing their chores, and essentially become their doormat. This is NEVER attractive to either gender might I add. No one wants to be with a doormat because deep down, these people tend to have lower standards, low self worth, and are exceptionally clingy. Unless you have two people who are equally clingy by nature, then there is a shot but the average person tends to get sick of being with someone who is too clingy. Maybe the overly kind gestures and demonstrations of love are APPRECIATED but appreciation and love and two different things in my opinion. You can appreciate someone very much but never fall in love with the person. As I point out all the time, you cannot love someone into falling in love with you. That’s just not how the process works! Maybe in fairytales and romance novels but not in real life.

If you notice someone is starting to pull away, it is natural to want to chase or approach the person to find out what’s wrong but you should always fight this inclination. You should pull away as well and/or do nothing about it. It is better to mirror their behavior and back off as well because by doing so, their behavior will be very telling. If the person goes out of their way to stay in contact by keeping the connection going, then this person most likely still has an interest. If you notice the person continues to create space by pulling away from you, then it is obvious that this person is not all too interested in which you have your answer and can begin to move on as well. While oftentimes, I feel that talking things out is best for gaining clarity, sometimes the signs are in front of your face and it is just a matter of picking up the signs as they come along with examining the other person’s actions.

Is It Worth Emotionally Investing In Someone Who Has Trust Issues?

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Sometimes you will encounter someone who flat out expresses that they have trust issues or you will notice that the person is very guarded where it is hard to really connect with them. It is important to keep in mind that some people will use this as an excuse or a way to further deter developing a connection from moving forward with you rather than expressing there is a lack of interest. If a person legitimately has trust issues, the important thing to do first is to examine the cause of this–if possible. Topics can include discussing the person’s childhood or if they have previously been in relationships where there was a lack of trust and/or they were betrayed. This will not only give you a better understanding but also give you more clarity in regards to whether or not you can further develop a serious relationship with this person over time.

Another thing to consider is that if someone has a lot of trust issues, this could be a sign that they cannot be trusted either. For example, if you meet someone who constantly is accusing you of cheating when there is no rational reason behind it, it could be because this person has a history of this (or on the other hand, as I mentioned previously, that they have experienced being cheated on and now are extra paranoid it could happen again). If this is the case where their trust issues stem from the fact that they are guilty of doing things that are distrustful, then it is clear that this is not the type of person you should emotionally invest in.

Some people are also naturally more guarded than others where they just do not trust people immediately and need to take extra time in getting to know someone in order to feel close and to build trust. In these types of scenarios, this is okay and just requires extra patience on your part. If you feel that there is both a genuine and mutual connection between the two of you–where progress is being made as you continue to spend more quality time together, then it is worth sticking around to see where things go and to continue to emotional invest. It is important to sense that there is movement in a relationship where it is going places as opposed to staying stagnant. If you feel that the other person still has their guard up and it has been challenging for them to open up with you, it might be best to move on and pursue a healthy relationship where you can both build trust together.

The Smart Way for Women to Determine Their Relationship Status Without Having to Ask – (It’s Not What You Think)

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In the dating world, I would say women often find themselves in situations where they are casually dating a man who they really like and while he may be giving all the signs that he is interested, there is one crucial gray area that is left uncertain–Are you both exclusively dating aka in a committed relationship? When a woman finds herself uncertain, it is natural that after a certain amount of time, she has “the talk” with the guy to see if they are on the same page and whether or not this “relationship” (in quotes because it is not confirmed just yet if it is a real relationship or not) has a future. While there is nothing wrong with wondering and wanting to have this conversation with a man, more often than not, if you are left in total confusion despite the so-called positive signs, there is a huge chance that the answer is NO. Reason being, when you are with the right person, things naturally progress as time goes on and there should not be any uncertainty in terms of where you stand in a man’s life. If you are dating a man who puts you in a mental state where you actually have to confront him and ask, then this is probably NOT the man for you. If you still believe that there is a chance and it is worth pursuing “the talk,” just be prepared that the outcome could go either way. If you are okay with potentially setting yourself up for total rejection, then by all means ask–even though it is already pretty predictable that the answer is probably going to be a no already. So instead of ASKING for clarification, there are much better ways to go about getting answers without coming off as needy and emotionally dependent on the man to validate that this very well is a serious relationship. The question is, how?

You need to put yourself in a dating situation where the MAN has to ask YOU what the status is and he is left to wonder, “Does this girl like me and want to pursue a relationship with me?” Your perception is everything so if you believe that a man should be asking you these questions instead of you being the one to have to ask, then you need to take the right actions in order to essentially FLIP THE TABLE on the guy where he is pursuing you while also being left wondering if you will commit to him. There are actually many things you can proactively do in order to create this dating scenario.

Date Multiple People at the Same Time – When a woman meets someone new and who she really likes, she tends to put all her eggs in one basket and dates this guy exclusively by giving him girlfriend privileges without establishing that she is even in a relationship with this guy. As far as I am concerned, if you are casually dating and there are no labels or discussions about a future, consider yourself SINGLE. Seriously. It is better to NOT assume that you are in a committed relationship with this guy, despite how much you like him and to go about your daily life which could include meeting up with other men. This is not cheating if you are only dating casually because for all you know, he could be doing the same thing too. There is nothing wrong with keeping your options OPEN ladies! It is best to date around which gives you the upper hand in your dating life and to also see who really is left standing at the end. The right person is going to want to commit to you at the end of the day and remember that this could take time so just be patient with the process and create an abundant dating life for yourself for the time being. This way, you are not left dwelling on the one man who might not even be so serious about you to begin with.

Don’t Be So Available – I see it all the time where women give so much of their time and literally jump through hoops for a man’s attention. For example, just because a guy calls you at a certain time everyday does not mean you are obligated to take the call 100% of the time. This is a huge mistake in my opinion. I understand that it is good to keep the connection going but by always being by the phone signals to the man that you are always ready to take his calls at the drop of a hat and you might not have much of a life which is not all too attractive. Generally speaking, being TOO giving, especially in the very beginning oftentimes has the OPPOSITE effect in the long run. Why? It conveys emotional neediness, dependency issues, and potentially a lack of self love. I say that because there should be a relatively equal give and take within a relationship as opposed to someone giving up all their time and energy so easily and so soon. A woman who lacks self love will often make a ton of sacrifices even if that means sacrificing their own best interests just to keep the man in the picture. This is not a good habit and something to be mindful of! If you are busy, it is okay to express that because the guy should be understanding of your time and know that you will eventually get back to him when you are available again. This also establishes healthy boundaries from the start which is a good thing.

Less is Always More – The less you do, the more you gain! Ladies, please trust me on this basic principle even if it sounds counterintuintive! Let me give you an example. Have you ever noticed that the men whom you have very little interest in or perhaps a pesky ex who does not get the hint that it is over will chase you constantly when you are not even responding or doing a thing to show that you are interested? They keep persisting even though in many cases, you want nothing to do with them? There is a reason for this. By ignoring them, it is creating a motivating force from within to pursue you even more and to work even harder to gain any ounce of your time and validation. It is for this reason that you should apply this same principle to the actual people who you DO like. I am not saying to outright ignore the guy at all times but what I am saying is to not go out of your way to be the first one to text how his day is going or to form a connection. Again, you need to leave HIM wondering what you are up to. Don’t be scared that if there are long gaps of space between your interactions, then he will forget about you–quite the contrary. If he is interested, he will be thinking about you even more and will probably go out of his way to keep the connection going–which is a good sign. If you notice that he continues to reduce his level of contact as time goes on, then you have your answer and can happily move on. Remember that when someone is genuinely interested, providing space is not going to deter the person from pursuing, it will actually do the opposite by keeping the attraction up and propelling the person to take action in order to fill the gaps.

5 Tips for Choosing the Best Photos For an Online Dating Profile

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When it comes to online dating, there is no denying that people are going to scroll through your photos and base their decision on whether or not you appear to be a good match simply just by looking at your photos. Some people won’t even take the time to read your content so that is why you should put some effort in choosing the best photos that not only highlight your best features but also convey what you are like in real life. It can be hard to determine which photos are best but here are some helpful tips to help you put your best face forward so to speak if you decide to pursue online dating.

Make Sure Your Photos are Current – I personally believe that people should only post photos of themselves from the past six months. When I used to have a dating profile, I made sure everything fell within the six month mark because the best representation of yourself is your current self. How often have you or have you met someone that said that they went on a date with someone who looked nothing like their photos or that their photos looked like they were taken as far as a decade ago? I understand most people tend to look their best in their younger years but it is always best to display images that are recent so that if you ever do end up meeting in person, you are still recognizable from the photos that you shared.

Feature a Mix of Face and Full Body Photos – Although it might go without saying, many people often fail to showcase photos of themselves that include both their face and their full body. I think it is important to show both to convey transparency and so that people have a better sense of how you look if you were to meet up in person. If you are not in as good shape as you used to be, it is still better to show what you look like now than before so that the other person does not feel that you falsely advertised what you look like.

Choose Photos that Convey Your Interests – It is a good idea to post photos with backgrounds to show your interests and passions in life. For example, if you love to ski, then think about posting some photos of yourself during your last ski trip. If you love music, it doesn’t hurt to post photos of yourself from a concert that you went to. Chances are, someone with the same interests will be more intrigued in getting to know you better just based upon some of your shared interests.

Avoid Overly Revealing Photos – It is common to see people post revealing photos which can give off the wrong impression along with sending the wrong message to anyone who is looking at them. It can convey that a person is attention seeking or just looking for a cheap hook up. Even if that’s not the case, unfortunately, that’s how it can be interpreted. To avoid sending mixed messages or giving off a negative first impression, it is much wiser to shy away from posting those types of photos in its entirety.

When in Doubt, Ask For a Second Opinion – If you are unsure if the photos that you are posting are good enough to post, it does not hurt to ask a friend or someone who you are close to for their honest feedback. A photo that you might find flattering, someone might point out that you can post an even better photo which is why it never hurts to ask for a second opinion.

Dating Advice for Women – Stop Rushing Into Serious Relationships and Here’s Why

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As a woman, I understand that most of us cherish being in a long term relationship that will hopefully lead into a solid marriage and perhaps the opportunity to create a family in the future. I am not against this desire and I believe that if this is something that a woman wants to manifest into her life, then she should hold onto this vision and not give up until she makes it a reality. However, the way a woman approaches this can vary and oftentimes I see women rush into serious relationships as soon as possible which usually ends up either scaring the man away or she ends up settling on being with the wrong man because she was on an agenda to lock someone into a permanent relationship as soon as she can.

My best advice for women is to simply, TRUST THE PROCESS and to take things slow. People in general need to learn to trust the process when it comes to just about everything in life including personal relationships. When you trust that you will manifest what you want in the right time in your life, you are left feeling confident within your soul and you banish any anxiety or stress related to your goals because you know that your desires are on the way and will be delivered to you. I find that many women put themselves into a scarcity mindset where they panic if they do not find a husband by a certain age or they have this mentality that they will never find the right man for them at the time that they want which is usually right now. The key is PATIENCE paired with a POSITIVE outlook and focusing on embracing the PRESENT moment as opposed to obsessing over the future and/or in certain situations, dwelling on a failed past which will also hinder someone from the long term relationship that they are looking for.

It is human nature to strive for instant gratification but it is much more rewarding to not only trust the process but to enjoy the process as you are experiencing it! Rather than rush into a serious relationship the moment you find a man that you like or question if you are going to be a part of his future, it is much wiser to enjoy getting to know the man on every level and to determine if there is a MUTUAL CONNECTION first and foremost. If there is a genuine connection where you both feel the same way about each other, the sky is the limit when it comes to how bright your futures will be together. There will be zero uncertainty, you won’t be left feeling uneasy and having to question his every move, and everything will just flow naturally in the right direction.

There is no need to force relationships upon men or to get overly emotional over anyone that is not deserving of your love. This is why you also need to pace the relationship and let the man earn your affections. The question should not be, “Does he see me in his future?” It should actually be along the lines of, “Is this man worthy enough to be a part of my future?” There is a huge difference between those two questions. The first one comes from a weak mindset where the underlying question is, “Am I good enough?” whereas the other question is from a strong minded female essentially asking, “Is he good enough for me?” Women of high value already know what they bring to the table and already know that they are good enough. They also are not willing to settle on just any man who walks into their lives and take the proper time that is needed to examine them from the inside out to make sure that they are qualified enough to stay in their future. As a woman, it is important to always stay true to the core of your values, know your worth (the right man will know it from the get go and want to invest in you from the start, trust me), and to NEVER settle on a man just for the sake of having one. Although life is short, there is no need to rush your relationships because what is meant to be–will BE! If you are casually dating, take your time in getting to know people and do not overly invest in one person until you both establish that you are on the same page. If you are currently single, in the meantime, relax and just continue to enjoy that fabulous life of yours. If someone is worthy enough to join you, that’s great but if not, your life is still fabulous no matter what! 😉

Can Open Relationships Work?

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The concept of an “open relationship” on the surface comes off as an oxymoron to me. When I think of the word relationship, I associate that to entail commitment, loyalty, and togetherness. If you are in a healthy relationship, I would imagine that means that two people are mutually dedicated to each other and the greater good of their relationship. If someone were to propose the idea of having an open relationship–my response would simply be, “Nice knowing you!” In other words, I would terminate the relationship at that point because I look at a relationship as all or nothing. If someone is not going to choose to only be with me and wants to keep their options open, that is not the relationship for me personally. I just do not see the point of that; however, at the same time, I do not like to judge others who have different viewpoints or expectations within their personal relationships because what works for me might not work for someone else.

If you are casually dating someone and it has not been established that both people are in a committed relationship, then by all means, keeping it “open” is acceptable because it is understood by both parties that the relationship is not a serious one or perhaps both people are taking a slower dating approach just to ensure that the connection is genuinely there. In those types of scenarios, I actually encourage people to keep their dating options open and to not overly invest in one person if it is casual because sometimes you have to explore what’s out there before making a commitment to someone and it is wiser to take your time in getting to know the person rather than rushing into a relationship immediately. Women tend to rush into relationships with the agenda of getting married and having children without actually determining if the man is a compatible match and suited for their future which is why you often see women asking for divorces down the line. This is why I believe it is better to take things slow and to not push for relationships until establishing a strong bond and confirming that the feelings are both mutual.

Now the real question is, if you are in a serious relationship or perhaps even married, can an open relationship work out while keeping the initial relationship in the long run? The simple yet not so simple answer is: Yes and No. Yes–it can absolutely work if you have two people totally on the same page with this arrangement. It is possible that both parties agree with keeping it open. However, it has to be equal where both people want the open relationship and NOT one sided where one person asked the other person for an open relationship and the other person felt obligated and settled on this arrangement against their will or for the sake of saving their current relationship. It also is not equal if one person can be in an open relationship but expects the other person to stay totally committed and are not allowed to pursue the same arrangement. While I think it is rare and often can ultimately create problems down the line for the couple, every relationship is situational in that maybe this can work for some people. Again, it can work when two people are on board with it but if you have people who have mixed feelings in regards to how they feel about having an open relationship, that is when you have trouble in paradise. It is for this reason that the best solution is to avoid this arrangement in its entirety or maybe this is a time to reflect whether or not it is time to break up and/or pursue a new relationship altogether.

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships in Its Entirety

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In the dating world, while most people opt for relationships that are full of happiness and bliss, the reality is that sometimes relationships are far from healthy and end up becoming extremely toxic. What is a toxic relationship? I would describe a toxic relationship as one that is emotionally draining and consistently problematic. It is normal that couples will argue from time to time but when it happens the majority of the time and the relationship brings more negativity than positivity, I would say that this would be labeled as a toxic relationship. It is easy to fall into a toxic relationship without even realizing it and to keep continuing it for the sake of saving it. However, honestly–these relationships are NOT worth saving and should be avoided at all costs. The real question is, how?

It is important to be consciously aware of when a relationship is taking a turn for the worst or when you start picking up on a series of red flags. As soon as you notice bad behavior or any sign of disrespect, this is your exit ticket to not just walk but to RUN–aka terminate the relationship immediately. The reason it is important to do this as soon as possible is to prevent yourself from developing any deep attachment or strong feelings for the other person and vice versa. If very little time was invested, it is much easier for both people to move on as opposed to walking away from a relationship that lasted for many years. By terminating the relationship, I also want to make it clear that this also means NO CONTACT. I understand for some, that this can be an extremely difficult process because it is reasonable to want to connect and see how someone that you once cared about is doing or to perhaps maintain some sort of friendship. Listen, I get that up to a point. However, let me ask you this–why would you proactively choose to keep someone toxic in your life still? Does toxicity provide any spiritual value in your life or anyone’s life for that matter? I surely hope the answer is NO because that is the correct answer. As soon as you determine at the early stages of the relationship that it has the potential to become toxic, do not hesitate to end it altogether. You are doing everyone a favor by creating the space that is needed for both people to move on and to pursue a better future for themselves without the other person.

Now if you were in a long term relationship with someone for many years and it was rather good in the beginning but then a series of events allowed for the relationship to become toxic over time, I strongly believe that ending the relationship is still your best case scenario. Do not forget that you are always in control of your future and that if you genuinely want to create a brighter one that it is up to YOU to do that–and no one else’s. Things might have been great in the past but if your current partner is causing any added stress, grief, aggravation, and/or other negative impact onto your life, you need to recognize that this is NOT the person for you anymore and that it is time to move on. You not only deserve better but there is a much more suitable match out there for you if you are receptive to that train of thought. As sad as it might feel to give up on a relationship that once brought you joy, it is okay to do so and a far more superior decision in the long run–even if you do not feel or think that way at the present moment. Sometimes you have to close a door in order for the right door to open with a better opportunity. Remember that this spiritual concept applies to most things in life including your personal relationships.

3 Subtle Ways to Convey Interest in Another Person

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While there are many different approaches when it comes to building attraction and to signal to someone that you are interested in them, sometimes a subtle approach can be the best way to go about it. Everything is situational and there are many factors to consider such as how long you have known the person and where you met them. Of course there are certain scenarios where a subtle approach wouldn’t get you very far or it is a lost cause altogether to express interest because they could be taken or just never develop the same feelings in return. However, that is why it is a safe way to go about it and there is really nothing to lose.

Eye Contact – While most people naturally make eye contact when they speak to others, I think that it also is more likely to happen naturally when one is attracted to someone else which is why it is a good idea to lock eyes with someone that is of interest to you. Eventually the other person will tend to notice if it is a person whom you see on a regular basis. From there, it will become easier for someone to “make a move” so to speak because both people have already established a connection through their body language.

Initiate a Connection – Eye contact is helpful but won’t get you very far if you rely on strictly eye contact alone. In addition, it could come off as creepy to some people if one is making eye contact on a regular basis but then never saying a word. By initiating a connection, that could be done in different ways. I would say the easiest is to strike up a light conversation. It does not need to be anything too deep or meaningful from the start. It could be very casual. This will also help in determining if there is any type of spiritual connection based upon the conversations. Attraction is a funny thing where you might feel that way about someone from a physical standpoint but then as soon as you talk to the person, you recognize that there is absolutely nothing there to take the attraction any further.

Consistent Interactions – I truly believe that consistency can go a very long way when it comes to building attraction. It is important to be consistent because like anything in life, consistency is bound to lead to results and success over time. Even if the other person is not necessarily as interested or perhaps is not aware that there is any interest on your end, over time this person will probably pick up the cues and most likely start to develop feelings along the way in return as long as the interactions are positive and polite. So remember to be patient but also very consistent with your actions or in this case, your interactions with the other person.

Why Having the Same Boundaries and Values in a Relationship Are Important

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While there are many factors involved as to why many relationships fall apart over time, I do believe that when two people are on the same page with their personal boundaries and possess the same value system, there is a much higher chance that the relationship will last for the long haul. In any relationship, it is essential to have those deep conversations with one another to ensure that both people think and feel the same about both the small things and more important aspects of a relationship. For example, how does the other person feel about cheating? How often does the person like to be in communication throughout the day? What is their preferred method of communication? While not every single answer has to be the same as yours, at the very least, it is good to know the answers to these questions. Aside from knowing this information to better understand one another, this will also help in determining how compatible you are with someone. If you recognize that there are a good amount of differences when it comes to your values and boundaries, that might be a good time to reassess the relationship and decide if it is the right one for you or not.

I think that this is often overlooked due to a lack of communication and open dialogue but issues do arise over time from these differences. It is okay to ask questions and to find out how your partner feels regarding things that are important to you. It is also healthy and appropriate to express what your personal boundaries and values are. If the other person is not on board with them, take that as a cue to move on. Remember that the right person would not only respect your boundaries but they would also have no problem honoring them.

Don’t Let Social Media Destroy Your Personal Relationships

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It is hard to imagine a time when social media did not exist because most of us rely on social media as a way to establish new connections, maintain existing ones, and to keep up to date with what’s going on in other people’s lives. While social media has its benefits, it does create problems within people’s personal relationships that probably did not exist as commonly before. With that being said, it is important to proactively not let social media destroy your personal relationships. I emphasize “proactively” because it has to be a conscious effort on your end and along with the other person in order to ensure both a healthy and strong relationship.

In order to prevent social media from ruining your relationships, I recommend blocking and/or removing any of your exes from your social media just so they do not have instant access to your page and vice versa. If a relationship is truly over, then there really is no need to see what they are up to unless you managed to establish a strictly platonic relationship or the other person has made it clear that they moved on. If you decide to keep people from your past on your social media, I think it is wise to be fully transparent with your current partner so they are aware of this and to see how they feel about the situation. Your honesty will go a long way and you might find that the other person is okay with it since you mentioned it on your own. If it makes your significant other uncomfortable, then you can have an open conversation about it and decide what’s more important to you–keeping existing relationships via social media or deleting them altogether. This is also a good test to determine if the person you currently are with is a priority in your life or not. If you choose to keep communication open with a previous ex when knowing that your current partner is not okay with it, that might be a sign that the person you are with is not someone you see a long term future with or that you are not truly over your ex. If you did believe that there was a promising future with your current partner then you would have no problem closing the door on anyone that you dated previously.

Another suggestion I could recommend is to reduce your time on social media, take a break from it, or simply get rid of it altogether. Even if you do not have exes on your social media accounts, it is not a bad idea to get rid of it because for many people, it can be a distraction and get in the way of building relationships in-person as opposed to just talking to people behind a screen all the time. You probably will find that you will also get an opportunity to add more time into your day by getting rid of your social media which will prevent yourself from mindlessly scrolling at posts on a daily basis. While social media can be a good thing, remember that it is best to use it within moderation or very sparingly in order to promote healthier relationships.