Category Archives: Dating Advice for Men

The Best Time to Find Love In Your Life

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Love is a mystical human experience that connects two souls together. For some people, they might find love very early in life–perhaps in their teenage years and they manage to marry their high school sweethearts and live happily ever after. Maybe for someone else, it could take a second marriage before finding their true soulmate. It is important to understand that every single individual is on their own unique path in finding love. It can come easier for some more than others but there should not be a deadline in your mind as to when you find this person. The reason being is that you can easily make a wrong decision and end up settling for someone who wasn’t “the one.” You have to remember that every dating experience was just a part of the journey into leading you to finding your soulmate. So never be discouraged if you go through long periods without a partner or through horrible breakups along the way. This collection of experiences will ultimately lead you to the greater good of finding true love if that is something that you want to manifest in your life. The best time to find love as I mentioned will vary from person to person since everyone is carving out their own unique path but there are a few basic principles you can follow that will allow you to get to your end goal.

When You are In Love With YOURSELF – As basic as this may sound, it truly is essential for you to love yourself first above anything else. If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect someone to love you? You also cannot expect to seek validation from others in order to build more love for yourself because it truly needs to come from WITHIN. You need to find ways to accept and love yourself for both the good and the bad with a focus on all the GOOD things that you have to offer to the world.

When You are Not Really Looking – I know this can sound counterintuitive to many but it is amazing how love can find ways to find you when you are not proactively looking. The reason for this is that when you are too hungry for love, it can actually have the opposite effect and put into the Universe a needy vibration which naturally repels most people. When you are too desperate, you are thinking from a scarcity mindset where you need to cling onto any person who comes your way with the fear that you will not find anyone else. No one wants to feel that their significant other cannot function without them because this shows the person is too dependent on the person and on the relationship which is never healthy.

When Your Life Is Fabulous (With or Without Someone) – When you are living your very best life, you are giving the right vibrations into the Universe to attract love into your life. You are doing it naturally without any forced effort. This could mean that you are pursuing your passions, furthering your education, striving in your career, and/or surrounded by an amazing social circle of friends and family who adore you. People want to be with someone who is not only in a great place in their own lives but that will bring their lives UP–not down. If you are a broke bum living in your friend’s basement with a negative attitude about life and can’t get your $%^& together–no offense but why would someone naturally be interested in starting a relationship with you? You need to be very conscientious of your life decisions and create a clear path of intrinsic happiness. From there, you will notice that you will start attracting higher quality people into your life including potentially attracting your soulmate.

Financial Compatibility Matters – Why You Can’t Be Afraid to Discuss Your Financial Situation with Your Partner

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They say that one of the number one reasons why relationships fail is due to money matters. While many do not want to believe that, I can see how this can happen. It can be stressful enough making and managing your own money. Then factor in your partner’s money habits which can either make your life more stressful or potentially easier. Let’s also forget that money does NOT buy you happiness. Sure, maybe it can make your life easier and there is more financial security but money does not buy a happy relationship. It is for this reason that it is important to recognize that being with someone who has a lot of money does not necessarily guarantee a lifetime of bliss with this person because at the end of the day, you want to find someone who you love unconditionally–with or without a big bank account. There is also a reason that there is the saying, “more money, more problems.” When someone is rich, with that comes more financial responsibilities and also the risk of mismanaging their wealth which could mean being in a ton of debt later in life. On the opposite extreme, being with someone who is a broke bum can understandably bring upon added stress to your life. It can also be an extremely sensitive subject to discuss because you do not want this person to feel even worse about their financial situation. So is it important to still talk about finances and is there a safe way to approach it appropriately?

The short answer is: YES, of course it is important to talk about money in your personal relationships! I can understand why people do not want to because you may feel that it is not your right to know but if you eventually plan to buy a home together, pay joint bills, and essentially merge your adult lives together–then having some money conversations are absolutely needed if you want to build a strong financial foundation together and to ensure you both see eye-to-eye when it comes to money. So often, you see one person who is a great saver and then someone who cannot save a dollar if their life depended on it. This can cause a lot of arguments and tension if you have two people who simply do not agree on how their money is spent. Looking at it from both points of view, does the saver want the spender to spend all their money? Does the spender want to feel deprived and that the saver is constantly controlling their money? These are things that couples really need to think about. From personal experience, I have dated people who were bad with their money and did not know how to save. Over time, it got very annoying and although that was never the definitive reason as to why I would break up the relationship, this was something that was always a consideration because I did not want to be with someone who had zero discipline when it came to saving their money and did not prioritize their financial future.

There are a few safe ways to approach the subject without necessarily bringing it up directly right away. For starters, observe your partner’s behaviors when it comes to money. Is this person very frugal when they order food from a restaurant or does this person like to order everything from the menu? What are things that this person likes to spend money on–is it a daily coffee, vacations, material goods, and/or spending categories? Does this person talk about money goals such as paying off their student debt, saving up for enough money for a house, etc.? There are many things you can observe without asking.

As time goes by within your relationship and you get to know each other better, it is okay to open up the conversation and to talk about each other’s personal finances. It is better to be open and upfront than for it to be a guessing game or to feel like you can’t talk about these things. People should not be afraid to be open and honest, even when it comes to their financial situation. It will either bring two people closer together or further apart. If it does end up being a conflict within the relationship, it is much better to know now and to break it off rather than to stay and then find out when it is too late that the two of you are not financially compatible.

How to Get Your Mind Off of Someone

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It is very easy to get your mind hung up on an ex or someone who you like very much. The good news is that there are definitely ways to overcome this and to get your mind fixated on other things. I recognize that it is very easy on the surface to apply these techniques but to still feel like they are not working effectively. However, over time you will see that they will begin to work. It really is all a matter of shifting your mindset and training your brain. You can’t expect instant gratification where you can forget about someone simply after reading this blog or after a short amount of time. The truth of the matter is, it could actually take a lot of time to get over someone–and that’s okay. All that matters is that you get the recovery process started…

Keep Your Life Busy – The more free time you have, you’ll find that you’ll spend that time thinking about someone because you have nothing else better to do. While having free time is often seen as a good thing, it can actually serve as a very negative thing if you are not living your life to the fullest or to your greatest potential. It can be extremely detrimental to your self development, create laziness, hinder motivation, and prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone. Instead of sitting around at home, occupy your time with more work, think about a new career path, pursue some hobbies, go back to school, or consider booking a vacation to get out of your house. Everyone can use a change of scenery every so often. Regardless of how you choose to allocate your time (as that is up to you)–remember it is better to have a fully booked schedule than to have too much open space on your hands.

Learn How to Make Yourself Happy – So many people rely their happiness on the happiness they receive from other people. Unfortunately, this is far from a happy mentality. A happy mentality stems from having the capacity of knowing how to make yourself happy–with or without someone. If you know how to master this life skill, chances are you will never find yourself in a position where you are seeking validation from others or finding yourself over focused on someone where you cannot get over them. The reason being is that when you learn how to create your own inner happiness, you know how to be happy without someone else and you are at inner peace with yourself during moments of solitude.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Means No Contact – This might seem pretty obvious but it is worth stating that one of the best ways to truly get over someone is to eliminate all forms of contact with this person. If you are already at this stage, then kudos to you. If you are still in communication, then this is a good time to cut off all forms of communication or at the very least, find ways to limit them. Yes, this also means removing or blocking this person from your social media or maybe deactivating your own social media. This way, there is zero temptation to click on their stories to see what they are up to or to look at their photographs. If this person chooses to contact you–remember that you are not obligated to respond and can still continue to practice no contact. This also gives you the opportunity to fully detach yourself from this person which is the end goal.

Make the Time to See Your Friends and Family – If you are more introverted by nature, this might be a hard thing to do but it is definitely beneficial to make quality time for your closest friends and family. If they live far away, then consider making the time to talk to them on the phone or through a chat. It is important to surround yourself with the people who you care about most and surrounding yourself with good energy. This will distract your mind from thinking about someone else. They can also serve as emotional support if you are going through a difficult breakup or just need someone to talk to who will listen to you.

Set New Goals and Continue to Better Yourself – Regardless of your current life situation, this should ALWAYS be a top priority in your life. You need to constantly be thinking of new ways to improve yourself and to set goals that you are actually excited about achieving. If you live your life without putting mindful intentions into the Universe, you will be left feeling very empty inside and have nothing to look forward to in life. This negative scarcity energy will sadly continue to bring your life down by allowing you to think about someone who chances are–is not thinking about you in return. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth. Why invest your energy into someone who does not value you? You are way better off utilizing this energy by investing it into your goals and your self development.

You Don’t Need Beauty, Brains, or Money – What You Need MOST in a Relationship

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Now I know the title might seem a bit extreme but I am sure that it did catch your attention (which was the whole point). 😉 I want to start off by saying that when you are searching for a life partner, there are going to be tons of qualities that you are looking for and that every individual’s criteria is going to vary. Most people are going to have some of the same general things while others will have very specific attributes that are important to you but might not be important to someone else.

Going back to what people “generally” are looking for, many people will say that finding someone who is extremely physically attractive or intelligent or wealthy will be on the top of their lists. I am not here to tell you that you should not be striving for those qualities if that is something of importance to you. However, what I do want to point out is that these are not only common requests but that they are rather generic and surface level things to ask for from a life partner. Ultimately, don’t you think there should be deeper and more meaningful qualities to look for?

This brings me to something that I personally find ESSENTIAL in a life partner and a quality that is not really talked about often enough. I would say that a high level of emotional intelligence goes a LONG WAY in a forever type of relationship. Too often I hear people say that they are interested in someone who is “intelligent” but that can mean different things to different people and what I might label as “intelligent” might be radically different to someone else. I also do not think being “smart” really adds a whole lot to a relationship unless perhaps you crave having intelligent conversations with your partner on a regular basis. Now adding that emotional component to intelligence is very specific and refers to someone who is able to understand, emphasize, and relate to you. This is so crucial in a relationship! It is important to be with someone who really takes the time to not only get to know you but understand you emotionally speaking where you do not have to explain yourself or feel that you need to be less vulnerable because the other person (sadly) does not have that emotional intelligence component in their brain.

Over the years, I have grown to value this quality and seek it within all my personal relationships which include friendships as well. Being able to create an emotional bond with your partner while also feeling heard and understood on an emotional level is such a healthy component within a relationship. In romantic relationships, I understand that there are going to be many qualities that are essential to you but try to dig a little deeper and look past the surface level things. While I do understand having an attractive, smart, and wealthy mate are ideal qualities–I look at those qualities as bonuses rather than essentials. Think about it–looks can and often tend to fade over time, being smart doesn’t really add too much to the relationship itself at the end of the day, and your partner can always run out of money one day. If you relied too much of your decision on finding a life partner based on these things then you will end up feeling very disappointed, unhappy, or left feeling empty if this criteria were to not stay the same over time. It is for this reason that you should opt to find someone who is emotionally intelligent which will better ensure the longevity of your relationship in the long run.

Relationships and Timelines – My Honest Thoughts

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I want to start off with a quote that I recently stumbled upon:

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. “— Nora Ephron

I have always been the type of person to believe that when you find the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with, the relationship process will organically move into that direction in a rather smooth and healthy time frame. I never envisioned myself in a five plus year long relationship with someone for the sake of being in a long term relationship with someone that would not eventually lead to marriage. I never believed in having to force guys to commit to me or to ever be in a position where it would be a struggle to build a future with someone who cared for me as much as I cared for them. Trust me when I tell you–when you find the right person, everything will magically fall into place. You are not going to need to wait a lifetime for this person to want to start their lives with you because as the quote states, this person already cannot wait to start their future with you.

Think about it: When you cherish and love something, you want that thing as much as possible. You are not going to push it away or have to think about whether or not you want more of it. This same basic principle also applies to people yet so many people fail to recognize this. Why would you ever want to be with someone who needed time to determine if they want something serious with you or request a break from you when things get tough? When you LOVE someone (and more importantly, vice versa), you will instinctively do whatever it takes to be with that person. You will shift your schedule to make quality time for this person. You will make personal sacrifices for the greater good of your future. It also will come naturally to think about bringing both your worlds together and to create a life TOGETHER. As I always like to point out, it has to be BOTH ways. As much as you love this person, this person also needs to be reciprocating the love and be putting in just as much effort into your relationship as you are. Please do not settle for anything less than that or for a one sided relationship where you need to do everything all the time in order for the relationship to last.

If you are in a relationship with someone who you love but there is no clarification or security in where your future is going, never be afraid to walk away. You need to believe that your soulmate who you are longing to manifest will come quite effortlessly. You aren’t going to need to ask your partner questions like, “Where is this going?” or “Do you see me in your future?” The right person will not only find ways to assure you that there is a future but already be taking the action steps to shift your lives together. It is also wise to be extra cautious because it is very easy for someone to promise you a future with their words but not with their actions just to keep you around. If you sense that this could be the case, then you need to find a way to let go of this relationship despite how attached you might feel at the present moment. You need to look many steps ahead into your life in knowing that the right person will not only not walk away but also not let you walk away from them. The best way to invest into your future is to make the right decisions today despite how hard they can be. Never lose sight of what you are looking for along with knowing your value. These two principles will make it much easier for you to navigate your relationships and get closer to finding your soulmate.

While Communication Is One of Many Keys of a Successful Relationship — So Is Learning to UNDERSTAND

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There is no denying that communicating with your partner is important and can ensure a healthy and long lasting relationship. However, sometimes people rely too much on communication but forget to actually take the time to listen and understand. While communication is a great thing, you can have two people expressing themselves to one another but failing to UNDERSTAND what is being said to one another. It is just as essential to try to empathize and understand as it is to communicate. If more people took the time to do this, there would be less conflicts, miscommunications, and even breakups. When you love someone unconditionally, you will not only learn the importance of great communication but also learn why understanding your partner will lead to a lasting future together. Remember that it takes two equally dedicated people to make a relationship work so that is why both people need to make this effort to understand each other.

As I just pointed out, there are going to be times that you will not see eye to eye with someone, no matter how much you try to explain yourself. Rather than trying to challenge your partner, take the time to really absorb what they are trying to express to you and learn to accept them. You will find that sometimes this is best in order to keep the peace and harmony within the relationship. It is okay to have your differences and to express them but one should never feel judged or misunderstood within a relationship. Another good lesson that ties into understanding is having the capacity to pick your battles and to be the bigger person. You need to be able to step outside the situation and look at the bigger picture: Is it worth it to cause an issue? If the answer is no, then it is up to you to accept and understand your partner at the end of the day. You will both be happier and continue to create a stronger bond with one another.

5 Subtle Signs That Your Partner Might Be Trying to Break Up With You

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When you are dating, it is inevitable that the relationship might not last over time. Sometimes people are left blindsided and hurt but the truth of the matter is–the signs were always there and it is up to you to be able to detect them. There are those rare scenarios when a relationship ends abruptly with no true explanation; however, the majority of the time, the relationship was leading to a breakup before it actually happened. If one takes the time to examine the other person’s behaviors leading up to the relationship to end, then it becomes more clear that this was going to happen sooner than later. Here are some subtle signs to look for that could prepare you for an upcoming breakup.

Less Communication – If you notice a person is slowly becoming less responsive, taking a long time to reply to you, or just not contacting you all too often, this typically is a subtle sign that the other person is trying to let you go without actually confronting you that this is their intent. While it is a cowardly approach, unfortunately, many people tend to do this because they do not know how to directly end the relationship or confront that they do not want to continue being together anymore. In order to gain clarity, it is natural to ask what is wrong but sometimes it is best to end it yourself when you start to notice a lessening in communication because you deserve a partner who makes the effort to be with you. There is a reason why communication is priority in a relationship so when you start to see less of it, that might be the time for you to walk away yourself.

Canceling Plans Last Minute – If your partner makes plans and is cancelling them often by choice, this is a major red flag. Yes, there will be situations in which life gets in the way and a plan would have to be cancelled but if this happens quite often and there is not really much effort in rescheduling or making it up to you, then it is pretty obvious that the person is losing interest and not making you a priority. If you are someone’s option but not a priority, then you are simply wasting your time as much as they are wasting yours. It is up to you to be proactive and not accept this behavior by being the one to stop offering your time and to consider ending the relationship.

A Drastic Pattern Change of Their Behaviors – If you notice that your partner is breaking their usual patterns, this can be a sign that they are starting to detach from you. For example, if the person usually sends you a good morning text and stopped all together, that might be something to cause you to wonder if the person lost interest or are starting to take you for granted. It is important to follow your instincts and to pay attention to these changed behaviors. Typically there is a reason for the change and it could be a sign that the relationship is no longer progressing towards a future.

Asking for a Break – Typically, a “break” is a nice way of asking to breakup or to apply extra space in a relationship that isn’t meant to last forever. It might be difficult for someone to end a relationship in its entirety so asking for a break is a stepping stone to the actual breakup. It allows the other person to test if they prefer to stay broken up or sometimes the space gives this person a chance to realize they miss the person. Either way, while a break can sometimes bring two people back together, oftentimes it is safe to say that a break will soon be followed by a breakup. Remember, when you have two loving people committed to a relationship, this would not even be a thought and the solution would be to stay together and to do whatever it takes to make things work.

There is No Talk of Your Future Together – If someone is genuinely interested in you and wants to be with you, then it will come natural for there to be conversations of what your future will look like TOGETHER. When someone avoids this topic or never thinks about spending their life with you, then chances are they never will. Yes, it could take some people a longer amount of time to develop those feelings but you should also not be in a position that you need to be waiting around for the other person to talk about the future. If you see a future with this person but the other doesn’t, then the relationship will probably end in a matter of time.

How to Convey Your Value With Your Actions Instead of Your Words

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While words are a great tool in communication, you will find that sometimes words are not nearly as effective as your actions. For example, when disciplining a child, if the child misbehaves and you take their toy away, that is a very effective message to the child that their behavior was unacceptable and that is what caused you to take their toy away. At that moment, the child learns right away the consequence and might think twice the next time before misbehaving again. As opposed to saying that you will take the toy away and then not following through. That is why most discipline fails is because as the saying goes, “talk is cheap” and the words don’t mean anything because there is no action paired with it. That is why you have to remember how important your actions are and why it is necessary to take the proper action needed in daily life situations as opposed to using strictly words, especially within your personal relationships.

When you are dating, people are going to test you and find ways to push your buttons. While you might express to someone how you feel–such as your needs are not being met and threaten to break it off if things don’t change, it is much more effective to just apply space right away and/or consider just breaking up with the person on the spot if you feel that the other person will not be able to change. That might sound harsh but the action of walking away or simply being more distant has a strong effect because you are standing up for yourself and showing that you have VALUE for yourself. A pushover will have a tough time doing this. When you value yourself, it becomes automatic to take action and to teach the other person what you will and will not tolerate. While doing so with your words might have some sort of impact, it will not be nearly as effective as your actions. That is also why there is the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” While I am a big believer in being able to use your words, there are going to be many instances in which your actions have a more powerful message so do not be afraid to take action whenever it is needed. You might be amazed by the outcome and see that you will start to get the desired results that you were looking for. That is why the best way to teach people your value is through your actions.

Never Neglect Yourself in Order to Receive Validation or Love From Another

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One of the biggest mistakes that I see when people are easing into a new relationship or desperately trying to form a new one with someone whom they admire is that the person starts to sacrifice self or do things to please the other person in order to earn their validation. This is a big dating mistake for a handful of reasons. For one, if you are not being your authentic self, then it is essentially false advertising if you are pretending to be someone who you are not. Maybe in the beginning, it is easy to do this but over time, your true character would come out and the person might feel blindsided or that they did not really know the real you. It is natural for there to be differences and sometimes this contrast is actually what heightens attraction. In other words, there is no real need to mask who you are to begin with and it is okay to not be exactly the same as the other person. It is good to have your own set of interests and not to feel that you have to like everything that the other person likes just to be liked by them.

If you meet someone who you want to impress and you make personal sacrifices to please this person, you might over time start to feel resentful or that you are not receiving as much in return if the other person is not reciprocating your efforts. That is why in the very beginning that it is important to take things slow and to resist your impulse to want to do whatever it takes to get the person you’re interested in to feel the same way because you do not want the relationship to become a one sided relationship. It is very easy for this to happen and for the other person to take advantage or just stick around for selfish reasons.

At the end of the day, you are simply not going to please every person who you like meaning that the feelings might not be mutual–so will you have to learn to accept that. Instead of overextending yourself and becoming a doormat to someone who most likely will never ever change their opinion of you, it is far wiser to just move on and find someone who will enjoy your company and like your authentic self. This should be the ultimate goal for your long term relationships. It is important to surround yourself around people who support, adore, and cherish you for you. It should not be conditional where they like you because you try to transform yourself to become someone who they want you to be and it is far from who you are at the core. Remember that when you embrace your true self, the right people will come your way and you will develop more healthier relationships that are reciprocal and fulfilling.  

Social Media and Dating – The Do’s and Don’ts

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It is crazy how social media has easily become a large part of our daily lives. We use it as a source for information, to post updates, to see what everyone else is up to, connect with people, promote ourselves, and so much more. When it comes to your personal relationships, social media can play a role by either adding issues to your relationship or strengthening your bond. It is important as a couple to discuss your feelings about dating and social media because you cannot assume that your partner will agree with your values when it comes to how it affects your relationship. While I am writing a general guideline about what is okay and not okay, it is still best to talk about it as everyone’s personal views can vary. 

Do Validate Your Partner by Liking and/or Commenting on Their Posts – Even if the post is not relevant to your relationship, it is nice to acknowledge that you read it or support it by liking it. You can even take it a step further by leaving a positive comment about the post. This makes the other person feel that they are being validated and that what they have to contribute is important not only to them but also to you as well.

Do Include Both Posts With and Without Your Partner - While it is important to post nice photos with your partner to show the memories that you create together and your appreciation towards them, it is as equally important to be allowed to post photos without them. It is a good balance to incorporate both as opposed to saturating your page with too much couple content or the opposite extreme of not posting them at all. If you are with someone who does not like to be posted on social media whatsoever, it is important to respect this request.

Do Spend Quality Time Together Without Using Your Social Media - It is very easy to stay attached to your phone and devices throughout the day without spending enough quality time with your partner. It is for this reason that you should find time each day to spend quality time with one another without the use of social media or a cell phone by your side. In order to detach, it is a good idea to leave the device in a room to charge or where it is not easily accessible.   

Don’t Stalk Your Partner’s Every Move on Social Media – It is okay to want to look at the people that your partner follows or interacts with but it is unhealthy to analyze their every move and to track their likes and comments on other people’s posts. This can cause undue insecurities or a lack of trust when there really is no need to worry about anything. It is best to stay in your lane and to not care about what your partner is doing on their social media.  

Don’t Read Your Partner’s Personal Messages Without Their Permission – This is a huge boundary issue and invasion of privacy if you go through your partner’s personal messages without consent because it not only can cause a good amount of resentment but also for there to be trust issues against you. If you are in a relationship where you feel the need to do this, then this is probably not the right relationship for you. If this is a habit that you have had throughout your previous relationships, then it might be a good idea to seek professional therapy to help you navigate underlying insecurities or trust issues that you have.

Don’t Keep in Contact with an Ex on Social Media – Although this should go without saying, it still needs to be said. Of course every breakup scenario is different so while there might be instances where keeping an ex on social media is totally harmless, the majority of the time, it is truly best to cut off all communication with an ex and in some cases to block the ex all together. The reason for this is to protect one’s privacy but to also prevent a lingering ex from trying to reach out and reform a connection.