Category Archives: Attraction

If You Do Not Feel Like Someone’s Priority–You Probably Are NOT! – Here’s the Solution

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Have you ever been in a relationship where you just don’t feel like the other person’s priority? Sadly, not only are your feelings valid but chances are that the other person is not making you as much of a priority as you are making them. While this can leave you feeling frustrated, hopeless, neglected, and many other negative feelings–there are few ways to shift the relationship into a more balanced one or this could also be a time of deep reflection where you examine the quality of the relationship you are in.

For starters, if you ever feel someone is pulling back, not reaching out as often, spending less quality time with you, and essentially not prioritizing your relationship–then you should be mirroring their behaviors and doing the same thing. This might seem counterintuitive but this is a good test to see how often this person is choosing to be in touch and finding ways to spend time with you. If you notice that you only hear from them when you initiate more of the contact then this is definitely a problem. It is up to you to communicate your needs in a relationship and to express how you feel. The person might not know how you feel unless you explain your point of view. If you talk things out and find the person is defensive or does not care to fix the problem, then you know that this is NOT the relationship for you. Within a healthy relationship, two people should be able to openly express themselves and should want to make the effort to please each other. If this isn’t happening, then this is a good chance to walk away from the relationship without feeling bad or without any regrets. You need to be with someone who values you and wants to put in the work that is necessary to progress the relationship.

Another consideration is that sometimes the other person could require more space meaning that it is not anything personal against you. If this is the case, give the person space and some room to miss you. The person will come back to you in time. If this space dynamic is something that you find bothersome, then you need to really evaluate what your needs are in a relationship. Whenever you find yourself in a relationship where your expectations are not being met along with your partner also being aware of them without making any changes then you should put yourself first by walking away from the relationship. Many people may be scared to be alone but it is way better to be alone where you can focus on bettering yourself as opposed to settling on a relationship that does not bring you enough happiness.

How to Live Happily Married For a Lifetime

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While there is about a fifty percent chance that a marriage could lead to divorce, there are still many people who want to get married at some point in their lifetime. Are there ways to ensure that a marriage can last forever? Absolutely! Despite marriage statistics not being so good, that should never evoke fear or deter anyone from wanting to get married because there are definitely ways to make sure that you build a marriage that is everlasting and filled with happiness. While there are many factors involved and every marriage is unique–here are a few ways to set yourself up for a marriage that will last forever.

Find Your Best Possible Match – One of the biggest life decisions you will ever make is not only getting married but actually CHOOSING your best possible match. Personally, I had a few opportunities where I could have gotten married but being that I see marriage as a serious decision, I did not want to settle on any partner. It is okay to walk away from a relationship if you do not see it leading to a happy and fulfilling marriage. That is why it is important to really dig deep as to what you want in both a future spouse and a marriage. You need to examine if this person has the qualities that you value along with having life goals and desires that are in close alignment to yours. Do not be afraid of being too selective! You are always better off being selective than just settling on any person who wants to marry you or feel the pressure that is the next step within your relationship. If in your heart, you do not see this person in your future, then you need to break off the relationship and trust that the Universe will be bringing you the right match when you are spiritually ready to attract this into your life.

Make Sure the Feelings are MUTUAL – This is a common mistake that I see in many relationships. You might have one person who is devoted and loves their partner whereas the other person is not as interested. This is a major issue and often an issue that does not change for the better. If one person is not as interested, there is a good chance that this person will ultimately end the relationship at some point because they were settling or never too invested to begin with. It is important to recognize that you cannot love someone into falling more in love with you. Meaning that you can do everything to show your love for this person but if the person is not really in love with you, then that will never change. If you recognize that you are with a partner who has the potential of leaving you due to their lack of commitment or interest, you are always better off breaking it off before it leads to marriage because you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them in return.

Communication is EVERYTHING – It is essential that you make communication a priority in your marriage. This means being able to express how you feel and being as authentic to one another as possible. People tend to assume that their spouse is a mind reader and should have the ability to read their emotions and know how to treat them. This is often not the case! The only way that your spouse can understand you better is to actually communicate with them. This not only strengthens your bond to one another but allows for two people to really learn about each other on a deeper level.

Learn to Make Sacrifices for the Greater Good of the Marriage – Every successful marriage requires a good balance of give and take. When you have one person who is constantly taking and not making the personal sacrifices needed to make their partner happy, this is where you can see built up resentment and a chance for the relationship to deteriorate all together. It is a reality that you are not always going to get your way which is why it is important to understand when to compromise. If making certain sacrifices means making your spouse happy, then you should know it is worth it! As I mentioned, remember that it goes both ways meaning that your spouse should also make compromises to make you happy as well.

Divorce is Not an Option Mentality – When times get tough within a marriage, it is very easy to want to file for divorce and to end it in its entirety. In certain extreme scenarios where there is abuse, neglect, and/or other major problems arise, I would have to agree getting a divorce is necessary. In most common circumstances though, most problems within a marriage could be fixed or improved given that both parties strive to work things out and have the belief that divorce is never an option. If two people have this mentality, then the thought of divorce would never cross either person’s minds. It is important to think positively and to come to solutions together–no matter what.

What to Do If Your Partner Tries to Change You

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I know I have written past blogs about what to do if you want to change your partner and how I do not believe that is the best approach in most dating scenarios. What if you are in the situation where someone is trying to change you? Is there a solution? Whether you want to hear it or not, if you find that you are with someone who is constantly trying to change you–whether it be your habits, personality, appearance, etc. then you should reconsider the longevity of your relationship and if it is worth keeping this person in your future. If someone wants to change you, this is not only a form of control but there is also an underlying issue at hand: This person does not love and accept you for you. This is a problem and one that should not be overlooked or ignored. I know you might be thinking, “Well if this person chooses to be with me, then this person must love me and want to be with me.” While on the surface this might be true, it is only a matter of time before the relationship unravels or there are more issues that arise over time. It is possible the person likes you for certain qualities but that the bad qualities outweigh the good which is why your partner feels justified putting in the effort to try to change you. That does not make it okay and you should not feel the need to have to do this in order to please your partner. Of course if it is a simple and easy request, then it is reasonable to make the change. Please keep in mind that I am only talking about if someone is trying to change you in drastic ways that go against your will and the core of who you are.

You should never be a person’s second best or feel as though you are not good enough within a relationship. If you find that you feel this way, rather than waiting for the other person to end it, it is better if you find the strength to end it yourself. Another suggestion is to have an open and honest conversation about how you feel and see how your partner responds. Someone who genuinely loves you is not going to react negatively and will empathize with your feelings. I recognize that it can be hard to have these conversations along with the consideration of ending the relationship but you have to trust in your heart that there is a better match for you. Remember that choosing a life partner is one of the biggest life decisions that you will ever make. You should absolutely be with someone who adores you and loves you unconditionally. You are too valuable to settle on being with someone who does not see the very best version of yourself. This is why you need to put yourself first and demonstrate self love by not tolerating a partner who tries to control or change you. You are ALWAYS better than that! 😉

Why Being Physically Unattractive Shouldn’t Be Seen as a Bad Thing and How to Make the Most of It

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There is no denying that we live in a world where looks matter. Many people tend to be vain by nature but on top of that, many of us live in a social media world where people are showcasing their best looking selves at all times. The truth of the matter is, what you see can be a false reality and this is all SURFACE level. People should not be overly consumed with their outer appearance and focus more on what they have to offer that is unrelated to their looks. That is not to say that I am saying to let yourself go and not care about your physical looks whatsoever but to have other priorities and goals in life. Are there actual benefits to being unattractive? Believe it or not, there actually can be but it is really up to you to shift your perspective to see it this way.

For one, there are so many ways in which you can improve and enhance your natural looks nowadays. I am not referring to extreme measures such as plastic surgery but natural ways such as developing a good clothing style along with implementing a healthy diet/exercise routine. When you are fit and healthy, you tend to look more attractive. Everyone has the capability to make themselves look better or to enhance their image so there really are no excuses. Even if you possess features that you are not fond of, there is no need to focus on the negatives but to shift your mind onto all of your good features. (Trust me, everyone has them but it is up to you to recognize them)!

If you are not the most attractive person, it is reassuring in the dating world to know that the person dating you is more likely to be interested in you as a person versus only dating you for your looks. People who only date for looks typically end up very disappointed because they are not always taking the time to get to know the person from a spiritual level. If someone is investing the time to get to know you, this is a good thing because the person most likely is not shallow or might even find you attractive despite how you view yourself. As they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” so everyone is attractive to someone which means that there is no need to have unrealistic beauty standards.

While you might not have been born with great looks, this opens up opportunities to excel in other areas in life. Perhaps you are naturally athletic or artistic or have some other talent that you can maximize. There are many professions and hobbies where looks are not even a factor so it is wise to excel in these other areas of life rather than thinking negatively about your appearance. I find that people who are naturally not as attractive tend to be more successful than someone who was born extremely good looking because this person usually needs to try a little harder in life to get what they want. I especially see this with shorter men. Almost every short guy I know has a good career or financial success. Reason being that a man who is short understands at a younger age that he has to try harder (especially in the dating department) to compensate for not being as tall. That might mean having a larger bank account to attract a mate. I am not generalizing and saying this is true for all short men or unattractive people but it is an observation that I have made that I find to be valid. It makes sense too! People who are good looking feel that they do not need to do as much to get attention, validation, or to please others because people naturally tend to gravitate to them more. The same also goes for people who were not born into a lot of wealth. These are the people who work much harder than someone who was given everything in life because they understand from a young age that it is necessary to work hard because nothing is provided to them for free. When you are not born with something, rather than feeling bad about yourself or feeling defeated, it is essential that you do not let that get in the way of your success or see it as a handicap. It is up to you to rise above and work with what you have while striving to attain more. Time and time again, everything comes back to developing a strong and positive mindset so when it comes to your looks, the same mindset should apply.

Responding to “I Love You” for the First Time Dos and Don’ts

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When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that feelings are going to run high and either you or the other person will want to verbally express their love for the first time. If you are the first person to hear it, the words might catch you off guard which could leave you at a loss for words. While it is natural for this to happen, it is good to be prepared if this moment ever arises within a relationship. There are many different approaches but certain approaches are definitely better than others.

Do…

  • It is important to be as HONEST and AUTHENTIC as possible–even if that means saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. If you are honest, you do not run the risk of leading the other person on or giving the other person a false sense of reality in terms of where your relationship stands.
  • If you feel the same way, then it is okay to reciprocate that you love the person back. Although it might be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at that moment, it is best to say it back so the other person knows that you both have romantic feelings towards one another.
  • If you absolutely do not feel that way and do not believe that you will ever be at a place where you can love the other person, it might be a good idea to establish that you only see the relationship as a friendship or end the relationship altogether so that the other person can get over you faster and move on.

Don’t…

  • It is important to not totally disregard or ignore it when you hear the words. If you do not feel the same way, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or try to change the subject. That will definitely make the person feel undervalued while also stirring more curiosity in their minds as to where they stand with you.
  • Do not say that “you do not know how you feel” because an “I don’t know” typically means no so you are better off conveying that the feelings are not mutual to the other person in a gentle way as opposed to saying that you’re unsure. Sometimes when you say that you are unsure, it leaves the door open for those feelings to eventually change into romantic ones. Although it might come across as clear that you are not in love with the other person, uncertainty can often send mixed messages.
  • Do not just repeat that you love the person back when you do not feel the same way. This is the worst thing that you can do. While you might want to say that to make the other person feel better and keep the “relationship” going, you are ultimately going to hurt this person in the future. It is best to save everyone’s time by expressing how you actually feel now rather than dragging out a dead end relationship.

Navigating Expectations Within Relationships – Why It Is Important to Find a Healthy Balance

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When it comes to expectations, I find that people tend to either set them too high or too low. It is definitely good to set expectations in general as opposed to not setting them at all but there is such a thing as setting expectations that are too high. When it comes to personal relationships, it is important to make a conscious effort in finding a healthy balance with your expectations. It is natural to place high expectations on a new relationship or when you meet someone new whom you really like. While you might have a mental checklist of exactly what you are looking for in a mate, the reality is, no one is perfect and no one is going to fit every single item on your checklist. That is why I emphasize that the key is BALANCE when navigating your expectations or otherwise you are always going to be left unhappy–no matter who you’re with.

I recommend taking the time to develop a realistic list of expectations of what matters to you most but to also keep your mind open to other people’s differences. While it is great being able to find a person with many similarities, sometimes contrasting traits will enhance the relationship and still ensure that there is compatibility because they will compliment each other. A common example of this is if someone is more extroverted, this person will tend to connect better with someone who is more introverted. When developing any healthy relationship, it is essential to have the capacity of adapting to others while also being flexible. As I mentioned previously, being too rigid and/or setting your expectations too high will typically result in major disappointment and unhappiness which all could have been avoided.

If you do find that you are dating someone who doesn’t meet any of your expectations–in other words, this person has more negative qualities than positive qualities, then you have every right to want to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in settling with being someone who does not live up to any of your expectations and mislead the other person into thinking that you are invested in the relationship when you already know ultimately that you are not interested due to unmet expectations.

A Mother’s Day Message My Mom Gave Me 10 Years Ago That Applies to All Women

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While Mother’s Day just passed a few days ago, it is good to acknowledge it but realistically everyday. Although I am not a mom, 10 years ago, my mom had printed a copy of Maya Angelou’s poem, “Phenomenal Woman” and placed it in a frame. Although I was familiar with Maya Angelou, I was not familiar with this poem. I always kept this proudly displayed in my room on my dresser and just realized that it has been exactly a decade since I was given this gift and the message still applies. The best thing about it is, it applies to all women and does not matter if you are a mom or not. This was a thoughtful gift from my mother that I will never forget and that I will always cherish. The poem is below and I advise everyone to take the time to read it.

The inner confidence of knowing your value and knowing you are a phenomenal woman is way more important than superficial things such as one’s outer appearance. Some women go through a great extent to keep up with their physical appearance when the truth of the matter is, it is the inner beauty that counts most and what classifies a woman to be a truly phenomenal one. It is great to care about self care and investing time to keep up with appearances but that should never be the sole source of one’s self confidence. Being the prettiest girl in a room means nothing if there is no substance or value from within. Don’t forget that being phenomenal is more than just looks and that it is a mindset! 😉

How Important Is It to Date Someone With the Same Health Habits As You?

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When it comes to health and wellness, some people definitely prioritize their health more than others while some people do not care about their health whatsoever. While I do think it is very difficult to find someone who totally shares the same views and habits in regards to their health, it is definitely possible to find someone who has a similar lifestyle. The question is, how much does this matter in a relationship?

I would compare health and fitness to religion, where it is something that could matter significantly and when there are contrasting views, it can cause some conflicts and tension over time. If you have someone who is very health conscious, this person can grow very resentful over time if their partner is not and can feel like they are a burden by their poor health decisions. The person who is less healthy can also grow resentful of their partner if they feel that their healthier partner cannot accept them for themselves and that their significant other is trying to change them to become more healthy. I can see how both parties could get frustrated at each other for different reasons. I think the underlying issue here is a lack of ACCEPTANCE and/or unrealistic expectations. When two people love each other, they should find a way to accept each other which means accepting the good and the bad traits. If two people learn to accept each other, then this would never become a major issue in a relationship. While I also believe that setting expectations in a relationship can be a positive thing, it is not positive if you set an unrealistic expectation to change someone who most likely will not change their habits. The only way a change can be made is if the person intrinsically wants to change and not trying to change because the other person is pushing them to.

At the same time, if you detect early on within a relationship that a person does not have the same views and/or habits as you when it comes to health and this is something that is extremely important to you, I advise it is best to move on and to look for someone who can be on the same page as you. It is better to break it off and find a partner who is in alignment with your lifestyle as opposed to trying to change the person because as I mentioned previously, the person most likely will not change. You will be much happier in the long run and feel closer to your partner when you are with someone who has very similar health habits as you–given that is a high priority in your life.

Is There Such a Thing As Being Too Possessive?

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It is natural to be with someone and feel possessive of them because of your commitment and loyalty to this person. This can be a positive thing but it is important to keep an eye out when you are feeling overly possessive of the person or perhaps someone is being too possessive of you. It is important to be consciously aware of this because being too possessive within a relationship can easily turn into a toxic one. To prevent this from happening, it is important to establish healthy boundaries from day one. If you are dating someone and they do not let you do basic activities by yourself like going to the gym or hanging out with a friend, this is definitely a red flag that should not be ignored. You might want to question the cause of this or you might decide that this isn’t the relationship for you.

Typically, if you notice someone is overly possessive, it can stem from deep insecurities or trust issues. For example, someone might feel that the other person can easily steal their mate away which would explain why there is this need to be overly possessive. Even though it might appear very irrational to feel this way, for someone that is insecure, this is a common fear that usually doesn’t go away. On the other hand, someone might have been cheated on previously which would explain why there would be trust issues moving forward. This would also cause someone to be very possessive in hopes of never being cheated on again.

No matter what the cause is, as I mentioned previously, it is important to be aware of this as an issue. While being possessive might appear as though the person is extra caring, it can later turn into manipulation and controlling behavior where the person needs to know your every move in order for them to feel secure within the relationship. This is not healthy and it is important to confront the issue immediately. If the person is not receptive to changing or understanding how it can be a problem in the future, it might be wise to end the relationship altogether.

“I Can’t Give You the Love That You Need” – What This Really Means and What to Do About It

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In the dating world, there are many ways in which people express that they are not interested in progressing a relationship, looking for anything serious, or perhaps breaking off an existing relationship. A common expression that is often said to express one of the things listed is: “I can’t give you the love that you need.” While no one wants to face reality, it is an indirect way for the person to say that they are not interested–bottom line. If someone really cared about the person, then no matter what their life circumstances were, this person would find a way to make it work because they are INTERESTED. It is important to recognize when someone is not interested, especially when it is spelled out that the best thing to do is to accept it and move on.

In certain situations, it can also mean that the person feels that the other person requires a level of love that is hard to give and they do not feel that they have a way to match the love that they might be receiving in return. It is important to notice here that the person is also NOT choosing to put in the effort that is needed which also signifies that the underlying issue here is that there is no interest.

No matter what the reason is, it is important to take it at face value that the other person does not want to build a romantic relationship in any capacity and to both go separate ways. There is no need to ask the person what this means, beg them back, or try to convince them to stay. It is never worth it. This is actually a blessing when a person says this because there is enough clarity in knowing that it is best to move on altogether. If you are in a position where you feel this way, there is nothing wrong with saying this to someone but I still feel it is better to be more authentic and honest if possible while also being respectful and polite.