Category Archives: Communication

When People Really Are Too Busy – Learn How to Accept it (or Move On)

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Often times if someone is too busy, it is seen as quite a negative thing. People automatically interpret that the person is just not that interested or perhaps aloof and detached. While in many cases this can be the case, this is NOT always the case–some people really are too busy. Some people may have multiple things in their lives to balance whether it is their career, education, and/or family life. Some people truly do not have as much free time. Does this mean that they do not want to hang out with you? My answer is: Not necessarily. (So there is no need to take it personally!)

As a professional makeup artist, I work in a services profession which requires that I work most weekends and this can vary from weekend to weekend just depending on how many bookings I have. While most people are off on the weekends to hang out, this is not often the case for me unless I am working during a slow season such as the winter. This also means that making concrete weekend plans weeks in advance can be dicey and sometimes the little free time that is left for myself on a weekend I just prefer to be left alone to sleep, relax, or work out.

I recognize that people with extremely busy schedules can be frustrating to hang out with but there are a few ways to navigate this.

Respect the Other Person’s Space and Time – If their time is limited, do not ask for too much of their time because they may just not have the time to give. If you are understanding of their time and space, they will not feel pressured and will be more inclined to want to spend time with you once they have some free time in their schedules.

Be Patient if They Take Longer to Respond – Although we live in a world where sending a text message is quick and easy, not everyone is physically on their phones at all times to reply. The worst thing you can do is double text or constantly send them messages to get their attention. If they are genuinely busy then there is no need to remind them of your presence as they will get back to you at their earliest convenience.

Find Hobbies and Personal Interests to Occupy Your Time – If you know of set times that this person is usually unavailable, find hobbies and things to do during that time rather than always waiting around for them. It is good to have your own separate life with your own personal interests that does not involve the other person.

Work Around Their Schedule – It is important to be as accommodating and flexible as possible when trying to make plans with this person. If they have to cancel last minute due to a work function or something that is of importance, then do not give them a hard time about it and just let them be the ones to reschedule it with you. They will make the time for you if you allow them to.

Know the Difference Between Whether the Person Actually is Too Busy or Just Not That Into You – As I mentioned, there will be instances where you come across someone who is not direct enough to say they are uninterested but will rather just appear to be too busy all the time. Unfortunately, this means they are trying to spell out that they are too busy to spend their time with you. In this scenario, you are better off leaving this person alone altogether. If they are interested in reconnecting, then they will find a way to do so.

[Final Note: Also keep in mind that if you find that the person never has enough time to spend with you as you would like, it might be a good idea to find someone who has the same expectations as you of how much quality time is spent with one another. Each person can grow very resentful towards each other if they feel as though one person is not getting enough time while the other feels they are giving more than they actually have to give. In order to strike the right balance, it is important to have these open conversations. If you find that this will always cause a conflict without much of a solution, then find someone who has the same expectations as you in terms of how much time is spent together and apart.]

When Words Are a Facade and So Are Actions – What to Look For Instead

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There is the common saying, “Actions speak louder than words.” While there is much truth to that, I never fully agreed with that statement because some people are actually better with their words. They are more easily able to express themselves than others with words and articulate their true intent better than conveying it through their actions. They are the type you can take at face value because they say what they mean.

Then there are people who can relate more to that statement where their actions carry more weight than their words because what they say is not what they mean or they simply don’t say anything at all to express themselves. Although they may not have the capacity to really say what is on their mind per se or while also being the ones to talk a good game but their words mean nothing, then their actions will show their true hand more often than not.

In a perfect world, people’s words and actions should be pretty in line with each other. However, we all know that this often times is not the case. People tend to send what appears to be mixed messages where what they say (or don’t say) is not in harmony with what they do OR vice versa where an action does not match up whatsoever with something they said. So now what? How do you understand the underlying truth?

Solution: Pay attention to the person’s PATTERNS. This is not always an easy task if encountering a stranger or someone you do not know too well but if it is someone that you know well such as a friend, family member, co-worker, etc. then it should be a little easier to pick it up. Patterns really dictate most what a person is thinking, feeling, wanting, and provide an overall picture of this person’s intent. It is important to examine people’s patterns because this will give you better clarity and hopefully some consistency when things on the surface seem a little grey and fuzzy.

While many people are not always able to express themselves through their words or their actions at the same time, look at which more outweighs the other (words vs. actions) by observing the patterns within their behavior. It is a good practice to sit back and make some mental observations while also using your intuition as a guide. There is a reason why we have intuition, we just have to trust it more.

“Out of Touch? – I’m Out of Time” – When to Keep it Moving

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Hall & Oates absolutely had it right back in 1984 with their ever so catchy hit, “Out of Touch.” I figured out a way to add it to my post so you can take a listen if you are not familiar with the song. Despite its popularity at the time, I do not think I actually became aware of how much I liked this song until maybe ten years ago when I actually payed attention to the words. This song never gets old to me by ear but when examining the lyrics, I developed a deeper appreciation for the track.

It is without a doubt that communication is a necessity in any healthy relationship. Although many people live busy lives, the good news is that thanks to technology, there are many ways to stay in contact with someone. I would say the easiest is by text but a good old fashioned phone call is just as effective. For people in long distance relationships or for those who want to have the ability to see each other face-to-face, there are also ways to connect in a virtual platform such as Skype or Zoom. What I am getting at with all of this is that with so many available options to connect, there is really no excuse for a communication barrier unless the person is doing something very important at a given moment, in the company of others where it would be rude to utilize their phone, in some sort of emergency situation, or lost their phone altogether. Of course there are plenty of other legitimate reasons that can explain why someone is not able to respond right away but there are also plenty of reasons why someone is out of touch for unjustifiable reasons (such as laziness or lack of care) in which you need to recognize this difference.

When people come to me seeking advice regarding what to do when someone they are starting to date or getting to know takes their sweet time to respond to a text message (I’m not talking hours, I’m talking an extensive amount of days or perhaps weeks) or does not even initiate much contact to begin with, my response is, “Out of touch, out of time.” Meaning that if someone is taking too long to reply on a day-to-day basis or does not make much of an effort to want to be in contact with you, no matter how interested you might be, there is no need to double text or chase them. It is time to accept the reality that the person is not that interested or perhaps is “too busy” and to just keep it moving. Think about it: Is it really acceptable to be with someone who is here today and gone tomorrow? Is there a good reason for making excuses for someone’s lack of communication (aka lack of interest)? I always remind people that a delayed response or no response at all tends to speak volumes of their true intent or in this case, lack of intent. Trust me, if someone wants to track you down or reply to you, the person knows how to and has plenty of ways to get a hold of you.

Let me break it down in another way: If the other person drops the ball, it is not your responsibility to pick it up so don’t. Instead, let it roll away and be in the hands of someone who will want to pick it up. It is really that simple.

On a final note, the next time this happens to you, please don’t question why, please don’t feel bad about yourself, please don’t chase them, and please don’t invest any more of your mental energy–just remember to sing in your head Hall & Oate’s famous line, “You’re out of touch, I’m out of time.” 😉 Then focus your attention elsewhere.