Author Archives: Make Up the Life You Love

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About Make Up the Life You Love

Hi, my name is Meli and I am the creator of Make Up the Life You Love!

Why I Don’t Believe in Ghosting and What You Should be Doing Instead

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In the context of modern dating, ghosting has become very much a common phenomenon. Essentially it is when a person you have established a connection with or perhaps are seriously dating completely falls off the face of the earth. This can happen in various forms but I would say the most popular is via text as this is the easiest way to casually stay in contact with someone which makes it even easier to go cold turkey and completely stop responding to the messages altogether. To officially label it as ghosting, it has to be a current scenario where there was a period of daily communication with the person and after a few failed attempts, the person without warning just disappears.

If an actual emotional connection had been established on either end and/or you were seeing the person consistently, I do not think it is ever appropriate to ghost someone once you made a firm decision on your terms that you no longer want to talk or get together with the person anymore. I view the act of ghosting as a sea of many negative things: selfish, cowardly, cold, immature, and insensitive just to name a few.

In a situation where you met the person one time or there was truly no connection to begin with, a valid reason as to why you no longer want to talk to the person might not be necessary and yes, you do not owe an explanation in those circumstances. However, if you were connected in any way whether it be emotionally, spiritually, or physically, I think the right thing to do instead of ghosting is to just be one hundred percent transparent and straight up with the person. Even if you know that it might not be what the other person wants to hear, at the very least you earn a level of respect for being straightforward while also saving the other person their mental sanity and time from analyzing the situation more than is needed to do so. I don’t fully understand why it is difficult for people to express with their words that there no longer is an interest or whatever the specifics may be. I know it might appear harsh or you might fear you are hurting the person’s feelings but you are ultimately helping the person by telling the truth than to just ignore the person without a reason. I think ignoring someone is way more hurtful than just delivering the hard truth.

For me personally, as the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy” and this should apply to most everything in life including your personal relationships. I do not think I can ever think of a time I ever ghosted someone because I just do not see it as the morally right thing to do to someone if the person liked me on some deeper level and was emotionally invested in any way. The times I was not interested in really seeing someone anymore, I would just spell it out and give an explanation. It does not have to be a super drawn out explanation either. I think open communication is always more effective in the long run and it is more beneficial to give someone proper closure than to make someone question what happened or be left in a state of confusion as to what lead up to the demise of the relationship.

So the next time you are in a dating situation, relationship, or even friendship that you would like to end altogether, rather than ghosting or running away from the situation, just find a way to be honest with yourself and the other person. Remember, you are doing everyone a favor by simply expressing your true intentions.

“Saying Yes to Yourself…”

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Today, I had discovered on the news that Phyllis George had died at the age of 70. I was not familiar with who she was but learned she had accomplished many great things within her lifetime. She had won Miss America in 1971, was a sports newscaster for CBS, an author, businesswoman, mother, and she even had a small acting role in the movie, Meet the Parents back in 2000.

What stood out to me from this small news clip about George’s life was a quote of hers that is not only empowering but also something I very much believe in.

“Saying yes to yourself opens up opportunities that can take you anywhere.”
– Phyllis George

I share this quote because I think everyone needs to take the time to say yes to yourself, especially during those moments of doubt or uncertainty. This will allow you to shift your mental focus in a more positive direction in your life and propel you to further advance yourself in whatever it is you want to achieve in your lifetime. It is apparent based on her accomplishments that Phyllis George followed her own words of wisdom and pursued many of her passions and dreams.

Reflecting on COVID-19: Events Leading Up to the Shutdown and A Look at Life 2 Months Later

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It is crazy to think that exactly two months ago from today, I was in Arizona visiting my family for a long weekend as the COVID-19 pandemic was escalating at a rapid rate within the United States. Although the thought of cancelling my flight had crossed my mind, I instinctively knew this was probably going to be my last chance to travel for a very long time so I still took my flight as planned. My only real concerns were whether or not they would place a travel ban within the United States in which I would not be able to fly back home to New Jersey or I could potentially be on a plane that would expect me to have to quarantine for fourteen days. With very much left uncertain, anything was possible and I thought either of those scenarios could easily have become the reality.

Within that weekend I was away, the USA announced that there would be a travel ban to and from Europe along with all the Disney locations shutting down by the end of the weekend. I don’t know about you but Disney closing seemed pretty radical considering it is one of the most well known and popular tourist attractions in the entire world. I was also getting constant communication from the high school I work at that there was a chance school needed to be shutdown altogether with a final automated message left on my phone that afternoon, March 13th that all schools were to be closed and begin remote learning that following week. It was rather mind blowing how much change was taken into effect within that short amount of time that I was away.

Needless to say, I never felt so relieved to be back home safely from a flight in my entire life. It was actually one of the fastest flights I ever took from Arizona as I arrived back at the Newark Airport that Sunday morning on March 15th at a record speed of under four hours.

In just a matter of two days, essentially everything that was non-essential was forced to shut down in order to help slow the spread of COVID-19. From state to state, this date might have varied but on Tuesday, March 17th was when everything abruptly had to close its doors in the state of New Jersey. This included places such as gyms, hair salons, venues, and many small businesses. Initially, I think the governor had announced it would only be for a two week period until further notice; however, as I’m writing this a full two months later, most places are still not open and the date in which we can expect a reopening keeps getting pushed back until we can see a dramatic change in the data with a significant decrease of cases within the state of New Jersey.

So what has life been like these past two months? First, I want to start off by saying that I am one of the lucky ones and I wholeheartedly recognize that. I have not been majorly impacted in any way compared to what I see on the news with people financially struggling to pay their rent or put food on the table. I am also not working the front lines which increases the risk of contracting the virus and I have not experienced COVID-19 or have had a close family member get infected.

I think everyone’s personal situation and how they are coping will vary but for myself personally, I have been managing quite well. Although I am home most of the time, I find plenty of ways to keep busy while also staying connected with the people I care about most. Of course I miss seeing people and being a part of social gatherings but I know there is a time and a place for that and just have to be patient until that time comes. Until then, I want to continue to practice social distancing to protect myself and others. I want to end here by encouraging others to do the same right now in order to help stop the spread of COVID-19. I believe if we all come together and do our part, the closer we are towards transitioning back to a normal way of life, even if that means that it will be a “new normal.” As the saying goes, “We are all in this together.”

Single Ladies – How You Should be Dating in 2020 and Beyond

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No matter what decade it is, dating will always be a hot topic; however I think it definitely has changed over time due to various factors including technology, culture, and the ever evolving fast paced society we live in. When I examine the history of my own dating life, a lot has definitely changed over the course of my lifetime. When I went to high school, social media did not even exist yet so the concept of meeting someone behind a computer screen or even a cell phone (FYI–I did not own my first cell phone until I was a junior in high school) was not a very common practice as compared to how it is today. Yes, there was internet, AOL Instant Messaging along with other messaging apps on the computer, and public chat rooms (on a sidenote–does anyone in today’s generation even know what that was?). In regards to online dating, I just did a Google search to find that the first dating site was Match.com which existed as far back as 1995. This is definitely news to me but online dating was not the mainstream way of how people met people for a date back in the day. Nowadays, you can download a dating app on your cell within minutes, create a quick profile featuring your very best selfies, thumb swipe some potential candidates, and once there are some mutual matches, within a few message exchanges later, you have a date lined up for that upcoming Saturday night. Sounds pretty easy, right? Aside from the convenience of having access to meeting new people right at your finger tips, there still is the old fashioned way of meeting someone in real life. Perhaps at your favorite coffee shop, where you go to school, or even through mutual friends. The aspect of finding new people to meet in the dating world is not the hard part but actually finding a quality partner you want to date or a meaningful relationship with someone is where the struggle lies for most women in today’s society.

Many women can attest that the modern dating script goes something like this: A woman meets a guy that she has developed a connection with on some level and often times is physically attracted to. Things are progressing seemingly well as they are seeing each other on a regular basis and communicating via text on a daily basis or at the very least a few times within the week. As more time is being invested, this leads to a deeper emotional attachment to the guy but yet there is no clear sign of what direction the relationship is going. This uncertainty provokes the woman out of confusion and a need for clarity along with a sense of security to question at some point where their relationship is going. She might try to probe with the classic, “What are we?” conversation only to find out from the guy, “It’s not like that” or “I’m not looking for a relationship.” Whatever the response may be, the bottom line is, he is NOT your boyfriend and most likely will never be looking to obtain that title in relation to you. You might be left wondering why–but does it really even matter? Is it going to change the outcome knowing the actual reason(s)? The answer is no.

To avoid this dating mistake altogether and as hard as this is in particular for women to follow this rule, my advice is this: Make a conscious effort to NOT develop an emotional attachment to one man in the very early stages of meeting him until it is established that you are very well in a meaningful relationship with that person or on some type of path leading to that during the course of your courtship–if that is what you are ultimately looking for. I know easily said than done but trust me on this one, it will save you time and emotional hardship in the long run.

The good news is, I have some dating tips on how this can be accomplished moving forward.

  • If you are totally single, you should absolutely be dating multiple people at once. I know if any man is reading this, they are cringing right about now so I’m sorry but at the same time–I’m not sorry. 😉 Seriously though, what is wrong with keeping a few options on the table? Men naturally do this all the time when dating women so why can’t a woman be doing the same in her own dating life? Going on dates and meeting new people should be fun so you might as well enjoy it while you can by exploring what is really out there. The reason I strongly advocate this way of thinking is because it also will further develop your abundance mentality. If you start to think more along the lines of, “the sky’s the limit,” then trust me, more options will begin to surface because you have the mindset to attract abundance which in this case means more available men who want to date you. If you leave yourself to think that this current guy is the one and only, this scarcity mindset will prevent you from really opening the door to other men to come into your life and want to be a part of it.

    In addition, if you have multiple options available at one time then this will keep your mind preoccupied so that you will not over commit yourself to one guy who chances are is not fully investing in you. Women have the tendency to be all in way too soon with a man which is foolish because why should a man have that privilege without earning your love and locking you down in a committed relationship? Ultimately this is all about maintaining your emotional stability and preventing you from getting too attached to one single man at any given moment during the dating process.
  • You should always be focusing on self and your independent life between your career, hobbies, social life, and passions. If you keep yourself busy, you won’t get too caught up too soon because you are in love with the life you are currently living–with or without a man. If you are not at that stage where you are feeling good about your life, you need to really dig deep and figure out what things will provide you with that intrinsic happiness. Often times people get too dependent on someone else providing them happiness but this it not healthy because it really needs to come from within first.
  • As soon as it is established that “it’s not like that” then the best thing you can do is just walk away from the situation altogether. This can be done in a variety of ways: 1) You can immediately place this guy in the friend zone or 2) completely delete their number so you can make space for the right person who is more in alignment with your relationship goals. There is nothing wrong with keeping that person as a friend if you have mutual interests and like to spend time together from time to time but now you no longer have to over commit your time and energy towards this person. It might sound harsh to delete their number from your phone but it is not like they would know unless you told them. I also believe that physically deleting their number is like spiritually on some level deleting that person from being in the forefront of your mind and setting the boundary that they are not a permanent fixture in your life. There are actually some people I dated for a short time that to this day contact me out of the blue every so often but I do not even have their numbers saved in my phone anymore. It is nothing personal to that specific individual but I just do not feel the need to have their number permanently saved if I do not really talk or see that person all too often.

I can speak from experience that consciously detaching from the outcome of the dating scenario simply by just enjoying the natural dating process, keeping some options open at the same time (only when I am single that is, obviously not while I am in a relationship), and staying busy within my own life allows me to be in control of my emotional well being while providing a sense of empowerment where I continue to write my own dating script and manifest my own outcomes. I hope these dating tips will motivate women to adapt to a new set of dating rules and a way of thinking that will bring you closer to your very own relationship goals and attract the love you deserve in your life.

My Earliest Stages as a Writer and The Purpose of This Blog

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When thinking about an introduction post to kick off the launch of my new writing project and self help blog, I thought it would be beneficial for my readers to learn a little bit more about my writing background and purpose behind, Make Up the Life You Love.

For me personally, writing is a form of creation and a means of self expression. I have always gravitated towards the art of writing because it allows me to capture my inner most thoughts and feelings. Writing is also a very powerful tool as a way to communicate with others, especially in today’s modern world where people communicate mostly via emails and texts.

As a child, my earliest memories of writing and putting it into practice outside the typical school setting was through my hobby of writing to pen pals from all over the world. This was during a time that the internet did not exist yet (hard to believe, I know), so I was hand writing letters to my pen pals. Another writing related hobby from my childhood and a rather unique one at that was creating magazines for my best friend. Yes, she was my one and only subscriber as we both created our own personalized magazines just for each other. We would design the coolest looking magazines and write the funniest content.

As a youngster, I started to keep a personal journal/diary and had one from as early as 5th grade. I was not consistently writing back then but by the time I reached high school, I decided to keep a journal of my entire high school experience which I took the time to update a few times a week. By the time I graduated, I had completed five full journals.

Throughout my entire lifetime, I have fallen in and out of writing a personal journal but have made it a permanent practice since 2014. I decided I wanted to get into the habit of keeping one because I like reflecting on what is going on in my life and capturing what is happening at that present moment. It is kind of like when you take a photograph, you are capturing that moment in time and writing a journal entry is another form of capturing time but in a more thought provoking kind of way.

By the time I went to college, I started my very first blog. It is actually still publicly on the internet, I remember the links and go back to it from time to time if I want to read about what my life was like back then. I started a blog because my high school friends and I all decided that we should keep a blog to write about what our lives were like in college in case we were too busy and didn’t have a chance to keep in touch as often. It was a way for all of us to stay connected since we couldn’t see each other and for us to read about how college life was treating us. As the years went by, we all slowly started to detach from our blogs but I saw the value of this writing experience as it allowed me to share my life in a public and digital platform which I had never done before.

In school, English (better known as Language Arts today) and Math were always my best subjects. This might be surprising as they seem like opposites but I look at them both as fundamental subject matters, essentially life skills so this is why I view them as being quite similar. I was never really into reading but enjoyed English because it gave me the opportunity to write. I will never forget any of my English teachers from high school (Mrs. Heuner, Ms. McCarroll, Ms. Miers, and Mr. Van Antwerp) who all had a positive impact on me at that age to continue my affinity for writing.

My parents both shaped me to become a stronger writer as this was a skill they both equally valued. Oddly enough, they were not the type of parents to care too much about my report cards or the grades I received from school. They knew I always put my best effort and was overall a good student. However, when it came to writing an essay, they were all over it. My dad has reminded me that there was at least one time he can remember editing an essay and it was not up to his standard so he had me completely start over. He says to this day, he will never forget the transformation from the before to the after. He was simply amazed how I had the capacity to turn something that he thought was awful into something extraordinary. I can vividly remember how both my parents would edit my work so meticulously which forced me to have to become a fairly decent writer. I am incredibly thankful to have parents who provided that educational support at home and cared that much to invest their time in helping me sharpen my writing skills.

So where does that bring us today? I created, Make Up the Life You Love because through my writing, I want to inspire others to live better lives and deliver content that can emotionally save your soul. In more simpler terms, I want to help and connect with people. I know that this is one of my many purposes in this lifetime and I want to thank you for giving me that opportunity and thank you for being here. Whether you take the time to read a single post, become a loyal follower, or find a way to connect with me (don’t be shy), just know that you are very much appreciated and you are welcome at any time. 🙂