No matter what decade it is, dating will always be a hot topic; however I think it definitely has changed over time due to various factors including technology, culture, and the ever evolving fast paced society we live in. When I examine the history of my own dating life, a lot has definitely changed over the course of my lifetime. When I went to high school, social media did not even exist yet so the concept of meeting someone behind a computer screen or even a cell phone (FYI–I did not own my first cell phone until I was a junior in high school) was not a very common practice as compared to how it is today. Yes, there was internet, AOL Instant Messaging along with other messaging apps on the computer, and public chat rooms (on a sidenote–does anyone in today’s generation even know what that was?). In regards to online dating, I just did a Google search to find that the first dating site was Match.com which existed as far back as 1995. This is definitely news to me but online dating was not the mainstream way of how people met people for a date back in the day. Nowadays, you can download a dating app on your cell within minutes, create a quick profile featuring your very best selfies, thumb swipe some potential candidates, and once there are some mutual matches, within a few message exchanges later, you have a date lined up for that upcoming Saturday night. Sounds pretty easy, right? Aside from the convenience of having access to meeting new people right at your finger tips, there still is the old fashioned way of meeting someone in real life. Perhaps at your favorite coffee shop, where you go to school, or even through mutual friends. The aspect of finding new people to meet in the dating world is not the hard part but actually finding a quality partner you want to date or a meaningful relationship with someone is where the struggle lies for most women in today’s society.
Many women can attest that the modern dating script goes something like this: A woman meets a guy that she has developed a connection with on some level and often times is physically attracted to. Things are progressing seemingly well as they are seeing each other on a regular basis and communicating via text on a daily basis or at the very least a few times within the week. As more time is being invested, this leads to a deeper emotional attachment to the guy but yet there is no clear sign of what direction the relationship is going. This uncertainty provokes the woman out of confusion and a need for clarity along with a sense of security to question at some point where their relationship is going. She might try to probe with the classic, “What are we?” conversation only to find out from the guy, “It’s not like that” or “I’m not looking for a relationship.” Whatever the response may be, the bottom line is, he is NOT your boyfriend and most likely will never be looking to obtain that title in relation to you. You might be left wondering why–but does it really even matter? Is it going to change the outcome knowing the actual reason(s)? The answer is no.
To avoid this dating mistake altogether and as hard as this is in particular for women to follow this rule, my advice is this: Make a conscious effort to NOT develop an emotional attachment to one man in the very early stages of meeting him until it is established that you are very well in a meaningful relationship with that person or on some type of path leading to that during the course of your courtship–if that is what you are ultimately looking for. I know easily said than done but trust me on this one, it will save you time and emotional hardship in the long run.
The good news is, I have some dating tips on how this can be accomplished moving forward.
- If you are totally single, you should absolutely be dating multiple people at once. I know if any man is reading this, they are cringing right about now so I’m sorry but at the same time–I’m not sorry. 😉 Seriously though, what is wrong with keeping a few options on the table? Men naturally do this all the time when dating women so why can’t a woman be doing the same in her own dating life? Going on dates and meeting new people should be fun so you might as well enjoy it while you can by exploring what is really out there. The reason I strongly advocate this way of thinking is because it also will further develop your abundance mentality. If you start to think more along the lines of, “the sky’s the limit,” then trust me, more options will begin to surface because you have the mindset to attract abundance which in this case means more available men who want to date you. If you leave yourself to think that this current guy is the one and only, this scarcity mindset will prevent you from really opening the door to other men to come into your life and want to be a part of it.
In addition, if you have multiple options available at one time then this will keep your mind preoccupied so that you will not over commit yourself to one guy who chances are is not fully investing in you. Women have the tendency to be all in way too soon with a man which is foolish because why should a man have that privilege without earning your love and locking you down in a committed relationship? Ultimately this is all about maintaining your emotional stability and preventing you from getting too attached to one single man at any given moment during the dating process.
- You should always be focusing on self and your independent life between your career, hobbies, social life, and passions. If you keep yourself busy, you won’t get too caught up too soon because you are in love with the life you are currently living–with or without a man. If you are not at that stage where you are feeling good about your life, you need to really dig deep and figure out what things will provide you with that intrinsic happiness. Often times people get too dependent on someone else providing them happiness but this it not healthy because it really needs to come from within first.
- As soon as it is established that “it’s not like that” then the best thing you can do is just walk away from the situation altogether. This can be done in a variety of ways: 1) You can immediately place this guy in the friend zone or 2) completely delete their number so you can make space for the right person who is more in alignment with your relationship goals. There is nothing wrong with keeping that person as a friend if you have mutual interests and like to spend time together from time to time but now you no longer have to over commit your time and energy towards this person. It might sound harsh to delete their number from your phone but it is not like they would know unless you told them. I also believe that physically deleting their number is like spiritually on some level deleting that person from being in the forefront of your mind and setting the boundary that they are not a permanent fixture in your life. There are actually some people I dated for a short time that to this day contact me out of the blue every so often but I do not even have their numbers saved in my phone anymore. It is nothing personal to that specific individual but I just do not feel the need to have their number permanently saved if I do not really talk or see that person all too often.
I can speak from experience that consciously detaching from the outcome of the dating scenario simply by just enjoying the natural dating process, keeping some options open at the same time (only when I am single that is, obviously not while I am in a relationship), and staying busy within my own life allows me to be in control of my emotional well being while providing a sense of empowerment where I continue to write my own dating script and manifest my own outcomes. I hope these dating tips will motivate women to adapt to a new set of dating rules and a way of thinking that will bring you closer to your very own relationship goals and attract the love you deserve in your life.