Monthly Archives: October 2023

The Difference Between Practicing Self Love and Being an Actual Narcissist

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It is often misconstrued that someone who practices self love can be seen as someone who is selfish or in extreme cases can be labeled as a narcissist. This is actually the complete opposite. A person who practices self love is someone who has high self esteem while also having the capacity to accept themselves despite their flaws. This person does not need external validation to feel fulfilled and happy inside. In addition, this person follows their passions and makes life decisions that are in alignment with what they naturally gravitate towards as opposed to doing things based on what everyone else is doing. Those who practice self love should not be judged negatively and should be seen as people who have a healthy relationship with self.

Someone who is an actual narcissist might come off as a highly confident individual but the truth is– deep down inside, a narcissist has very poor self esteem. This would explain the need for constant validation from the outside world in order to provide internal security or elevate their self esteem in any way. This person will also do selfish things without regarding others’ feelings which again goes back to the need of doing whatever it takes to increase their self esteem–even if that means bringing other people down in the process. Sadly, narcissists tend to feel good to make others feel bad about themselves.

As mentioned previously, narcissistic qualities can include looking for admiration from others, lack of empathy, and low self esteem. It is pretty easy to detect someone who is narcissistic because they are caught up with self in both selfish and negative ways. Someone who practices self love is not caught up with seeking attention and naturally values self without the need to rely on others for the confidence boost. It is important to recognize when you come across a narcissist so that you can avoid them at all costs, especially within your personal relationships. It is not worth getting involved as you will probably get hurt at some point along the way.

There is No Such Thing as “I’m Too Tired” or “I’m Too Busy” When Someone Is Interested In You

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It is natural to want to give someone the benefit of the doubt if they state that they are “too tired” or “too busy” to get together. It is very easy to buy into this when you are talking to someone who you are very interested in. Sometimes this can be the truth. Maybe the person has a super intense work schedule or other life circumstances that would make what seems to be a list of excuses to actually be quite valid. More likely than not though, this person does not know how to communicate concretely or chooses not to because it can feel uncomfortable to state the truth–that this person is simply NOT interested. When someone is interested, their behaviors are much different and you find yourself receiving consistent validation for this to be the case. There is no room for second guessing or wondering where you stand in this person’s life. Despite how busy someone is, when you are talking to someone who is genuinely interested in you, the signs should be crystal clear. This person will always find a way to make time for you with the time that they have and want to see you. If you are talking to someone who is barely in contact with you and is not making any effort to see you, then the signs are clear that the person does not value you enough to prioritize you into their lives. These are the types of people you should be avoiding and not investing your time in. Rather than asking for closure (such as “where is this going?”) or trying to find ways to get this person’s attention, it is better to just let go of the situation rather than holding onto a dead end relationship. I know it is easier said than done but sometimes you need to really step back to examine the situation rather than get too caught up in the moment or hold onto any small scraps of validation that often are totally meaningless to the other person.

The dating world would be a much better place if people could just be authentic and honest with their intentions and express themselves wholeheartedly despite how awkward or hurtful it could be at times. Unfortunately, many people would rather ghost someone or slowly blow off the person as opposed to providing clarity and expressing their true feelings. It goes both ways so it is good to remember that you are also doing someone a favor by telling them the truth as opposed to sending the message that there is a chance for the relationship to progress into a romantic one. By still being available and/or giving attention to someone, this still leaves the door open and misleads someone into thinking that you are interested even though you are not putting in any real effort. It goes both ways so if you value honest communication, it is important to also give it back in return.

Why Being Physically Unattractive Shouldn’t Be Seen as a Bad Thing and How to Make the Most of It

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There is no denying that we live in a world where looks matter. Many people tend to be vain by nature but on top of that, many of us live in a social media world where people are showcasing their best looking selves at all times. The truth of the matter is, what you see can be a false reality and this is all SURFACE level. People should not be overly consumed with their outer appearance and focus more on what they have to offer that is unrelated to their looks. That is not to say that I am saying to let yourself go and not care about your physical looks whatsoever but to have other priorities and goals in life. Are there actual benefits to being unattractive? Believe it or not, there actually can be but it is really up to you to shift your perspective to see it this way.

For one, there are so many ways in which you can improve and enhance your natural looks nowadays. I am not referring to extreme measures such as plastic surgery but natural ways such as developing a good clothing style along with implementing a healthy diet/exercise routine. When you are fit and healthy, you tend to look more attractive. Everyone has the capability to make themselves look better or to enhance their image so there really are no excuses. Even if you possess features that you are not fond of, there is no need to focus on the negatives but to shift your mind onto all of your good features. (Trust me, everyone has them but it is up to you to recognize them)!

If you are not the most attractive person, it is reassuring in the dating world to know that the person dating you is more likely to be interested in you as a person versus only dating you for your looks. People who only date for looks typically end up very disappointed because they are not always taking the time to get to know the person from a spiritual level. If someone is investing the time to get to know you, this is a good thing because the person most likely is not shallow or might even find you attractive despite how you view yourself. As they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” so everyone is attractive to someone which means that there is no need to have unrealistic beauty standards.

While you might not have been born with great looks, this opens up opportunities to excel in other areas in life. Perhaps you are naturally athletic or artistic or have some other talent that you can maximize. There are many professions and hobbies where looks are not even a factor so it is wise to excel in these other areas of life rather than thinking negatively about your appearance. I find that people who are naturally not as attractive tend to be more successful than someone who was born extremely good looking because this person usually needs to try a little harder in life to get what they want. I especially see this with shorter men. Almost every short guy I know has a good career or financial success. Reason being that a man who is short understands at a younger age that he has to try harder (especially in the dating department) to compensate for not being as tall. That might mean having a larger bank account to attract a mate. I am not generalizing and saying this is true for all short men or unattractive people but it is an observation that I have made that I find to be valid. It makes sense too! People who are good looking feel that they do not need to do as much to get attention, validation, or to please others because people naturally tend to gravitate to them more. The same also goes for people who were not born into a lot of wealth. These are the people who work much harder than someone who was given everything in life because they understand from a young age that it is necessary to work hard because nothing is provided to them for free. When you are not born with something, rather than feeling bad about yourself or feeling defeated, it is essential that you do not let that get in the way of your success or see it as a handicap. It is up to you to rise above and work with what you have while striving to attain more. Time and time again, everything comes back to developing a strong and positive mindset so when it comes to your looks, the same mindset should apply.

Reevaluating the “American Dream” – What Are YOUR Dreams?

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Many people have the desire to fulfill the “American dream” which might include buying a house with a white picket fence and finding a career path that guarantees a lot of money. It could also include being married with a family. We live in a world where we feel the need to conform to societal norms and with social media platforms of people living their best lives at all times. The reality is, life is not designed to be perfect and the societal expectations of how life should be might not be everyone’s destiny–and there is nothing wrong with that! It is important to recognize that we should not feel the need to be doing what everyone else appears to be doing and evaluate our own dreams. Your dreams might not entail going to college or getting married or owning a house. If your dreams are to have these things, also remember that it could take many years for your dreams to manifest into realities. This requires a good amount of patience on your part along with a deep mental focus and a high level of trust that you have a bright future ahead of you. Everything truly does start with your mental state so keep it a positive one!

What are your dreams? – It is essential to really think about what you want from your life and to establish what your desires are. The more defined and concrete that your dreams are, the more likely it is that you will find the path to achieve them. I recommend not only to think about them but to write them on paper or on an index card. While some might think this is a waste of time, this extra step can make a big difference by keeping you accountable, focused, and serious about what you want to accomplish. Even if your dreams seem out of reach at the present moment, you should write them down anyway! As I mentioned previously, your dreams might not even be in alignment with the “American dream” but at the end of the day, you need to live your life authentically and be as true to yourself as possible if you want to be happy and feel fulfilled. You have one life to live and it is up to you to determine what makes it meaningful and manifest your own dreams.