Mortgage or Marriage First? – My Thoughts on Living Together Before or After Marriage

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Back in the day, most couples would wait to get married before they would move in together. Fast forward to the modern world that we live in and you will find that many couples choose to buy or rent a place together before getting married. There are also couples who decide to live together with no intention of getting married. Is there one option that is better than the other? The best answer to this is to really take a deep dive and examine what your personal life goals are along with your personal values. I say “personal” because it is important to really have your own set of individual goals and values to help you determine exactly what you are looking for. Then you can proactively seek a partner who has goals and values that are closely aligned with your own. If you don’t think about what you truly want, it is easy to fall into a relationship where the other person controls yours or you make too many personal sacrifices just to do whatever it takes to please your partner which is never a healthy dynamic.

For me personally, I was brought up with the old school way of thinking that it is better to get married first and then live together. Mind you, I was also raised to think for myself and make my own independent decisions–even if that could drastically be different from my parents. In other words, although I was raised with this way of thinking, I happen to also agree with it despite the social shift that has happened in recent years. Personally, I believe if marriage is one of your end goals, that it is better to wait until marriage before living together. One of the reasons is that it gives you something really great to look forward to as a couple if you choose to wait. If you live together first and then get married, there really isn’t too much of a change because you have already experienced living together. To me, getting the privilege to live together should come with marriage and not be something taken lightly. In the past, I had serious relationships where my partner would talk about wanting to live together. I find it rather insulting to talk about living together before talking about marriage. Even if that is not the intent, that is how I felt because of my strong personal value of cherishing marriage before cohabitation. So my answer was always a firm NO. Many people want all the perks of living together without marriage which means cheaper living expenses and taking up more of your time. However, why would you essentially give that privilege to someone without the commitment of marriage? Essentially as the idiom goes, why buy the milk if you can have the cow for free? That is why I believe in being patient and waiting for marriage before even talking about living together with anyone. If someone is that eager to live with you, this person should be just as eager to marry you if that is something that this person is also looking to manifest in their future.

If marriage is something that you do not care about and you are looking for a companion to live with and/or trying to keep your living costs down then I would say that there is nothing wrong with making this choice. There is nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and I would encourage those who feel this way to never feel pressured to get married against their will as this would only result in resentment and potentially a divorce later in life. If saving money is a huge priority and you would prefer to save money living together before marriage, then as I mentioned, this is okay as well. That is why I emphasize that you need to have concrete goals and values which will ultimately guide you in making the best life decisions for both you and your partner.

Responding to “I Love You” for the First Time Dos and Don’ts

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When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that feelings are going to run high and either you or the other person will want to verbally express their love for the first time. If you are the first person to hear it, the words might catch you off guard which could leave you at a loss for words. While it is natural for this to happen, it is good to be prepared if this moment ever arises within a relationship. There are many different approaches but certain approaches are definitely better than others.

Do…

  • It is important to be as HONEST and AUTHENTIC as possible–even if that means saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. If you are honest, you do not run the risk of leading the other person on or giving the other person a false sense of reality in terms of where your relationship stands.
  • If you feel the same way, then it is okay to reciprocate that you love the person back. Although it might be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at that moment, it is best to say it back so the other person knows that you both have romantic feelings towards one another.
  • If you absolutely do not feel that way and do not believe that you will ever be at a place where you can love the other person, it might be a good idea to establish that you only see the relationship as a friendship or end the relationship altogether so that the other person can get over you faster and move on.

Don’t…

  • It is important to not totally disregard or ignore it when you hear the words. If you do not feel the same way, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or try to change the subject. That will definitely make the person feel undervalued while also stirring more curiosity in their minds as to where they stand with you.
  • Do not say that “you do not know how you feel” because an “I don’t know” typically means no so you are better off conveying that the feelings are not mutual to the other person in a gentle way as opposed to saying that you’re unsure. Sometimes when you say that you are unsure, it leaves the door open for those feelings to eventually change into romantic ones. Although it might come across as clear that you are not in love with the other person, uncertainty can often send mixed messages.
  • Do not just repeat that you love the person back when you do not feel the same way. This is the worst thing that you can do. While you might want to say that to make the other person feel better and keep the “relationship” going, you are ultimately going to hurt this person in the future. It is best to save everyone’s time by expressing how you actually feel now rather than dragging out a dead end relationship.

How to Teach Your Children to Become Financially Independent

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One of the greatest spiritual gifts that you can give to your children is teaching them how to be financially independent. Many parents seem to believe that they are doing their children a favor by giving them everything that they can provide them and by paying for all their expenses. Even if parents have an abundance of wealth, it is still wiser to teach their children how to earn their own money and not to consistently receive financial handouts. In the long run, when children are given free stuff all the time without having to work for it, this creates entitled, spoiled, helpless, and lazy adult children. In order to break this cycle and to prevent this from happening, as a parent, it is important to teach financial independence from the start. This might require some tough love on your part but it will ultimately ensure that you raise children who become self sufficient and financially secure adults who are not dependent on mommy and daddy’s bank account. This is a positive thing and should not be seen as a selfish act as you are forcing your children to grow up, preparing them for the realities of the real world, and building their self worth that they are fully capable of doing this themselves. So where do you begin? The short answer is–as early as possible! There are also some other tips that I would recommend.

Encourage Your Children to Work and Earn Their Own Money – As soon as they can get their working papers, encourage your children to go out in the real world and get a job. Even if the job is not glamorous or high paying, it is still better to push your kids to work and make their own money as opposed to just supplying them with your credit card or money whenever they want something. They are going to eventually need to find a career path but in the meantime, it is smart to have them gain some work experience which will build their work ethic.

Make Them Pay for Everything – I know this might be tough to enforce if your children do not have a steady job or source of income yet but it is essential to make your children pay for everything from the start. Then they will not rely on you for every little thing and expect free handouts. Is your child at an age to drive a car? Do not give them a free car–have them work for it! In addition, they should pay for their car insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs. If you tell them that they need to pay for these things, they will figure it out. This might mean working a job after school or saving strategically but these are great skills to possess. You want your children to be doing these things. It might take them more time to buy the things that they desire but that’s okay. You want to teach your children to know how to pay for things and put in the work that is necessary to earn everything.

Be Okay Saying No When Your Children Ask for Material Objects – It is understandable that your children are going to constantly be asking you for new stuff. It is important to establish what are actual needs versus wants. Oftentimes, the items are not necessities in which it is okay to say no. If the child wants something badly enough, it is a good idea to teach them the benefits of saving any money that they receive or earn to eventually buy the item themselves because it will always be more valuable when it is earned as opposed to being given things for free. It is also good to say no so that the child learns to appreciate what they have as opposed to becoming materialistic and acquiring too many unnecessary possessions.

Teach Them the Benefits of Both Saving and Investing Their Money – Most children are not wise enough to think about the long term effects of their everyday habits. That is why it is natural that they want to spend money to satisfy their need for instant gratification. However, if they were aware of the benefits of compound interest over time and/or the value of saving money for an emergency fund, they would be be more inclined to start saving and investing at a young age. It is up to you as a parent to teach your children financial literacy, especially considering that this is not a subject that is taught in most schools. The best way to teach this is through example and during their younger years so that they can start making the right financial decisions from the start.

Don’t Let Your Adult Children Live at Home for Free – I know this sounds harsh but adults should learn to become adults. That means taking on responsibilities such as moving out of their parents’ house, paying their own bills, managing their personal finances, etc. When you let your adult children live at home for free, they tend to become freeloaders who have no motivation to work or do anything. Do you blame them? Why work when they don’t need to?! It is for this reason that you should encourage your children to move out and learn how to navigate adulthood on their own. Aside from financial lessons, there are so many other life lessons that are gained from living independently such as becoming more responsible and self sufficient. If you allow them to live at home still, maybe consider having them buy their own groceries, contribute towards utilities, pay rent, and/or do extra chores around the house. This might encourage them to want to move out or at the very least teach them that living at home comes with a cost.

Happy Fall – I Am Back From My Blog Vacation!

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Hi everyone, it is officially September which means that fall is around the corner and that another summer has quickly passed us by. This was the first time that I took an extended vacation from my blog (a full two months) and I have to admit that I fully enjoyed those two months in which I barely turned on my computer! While I had the free time to write, it was good that I took a break and spent less time in front of a screen. It gave me the opportunity to rejuvenate my social life and reconnect with friends and family whom I hadn’t seen in awhile. I also had the opportunity to travel which is one of my favorite hobbies.

After some time away, I am back to blogging every week. I have been keeping a list on my phone of topics that I will be writing about but I am always open to suggestions. I love to blog about things that I have insight about and/or create content that can truly benefit the lives of others. Here you will find a good mix of everything. If you recently subscribed over the summer months, then welcome to my blog. If you are a returning reader, then I would like to extend another warm welcome. I hope that my writing can inspire you to “make up the life you love” by becoming more intentional with your life and staying positive throughout the journey! 😉 (A real blog to follow next week but I just wanted to reintroduce myself back to my blog).

Happy Summer and Blog Vacation for Me :)

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I’m actually typing this from my cell phone meaning that this will be an incredibly short post because I can’t type too fast on a smart phone lol.

It is crazy to me that it’s already the end of June and we are pretty much halfway through the year already. The years truly go too fast and the summer months especially! It is for this reason that I’m going to take a blog vacation during July and August. I not only want to catch up on my social life and travels again but I also have other writing goals to pursue and accomplish. So until then, I hope everyone enjoys their summer! I’ll try to pop in at some point but just wanted to take the time to wrap up the end of June with this post. 🙂

What Are the Best Ways to Get Rid of a Lingering Ex?

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Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to last forever in which it is necessary to break off the relationship. The best breakups are ones where the decision is mutual; however, in many situations, there could be one person left heartbroken with the false hope that they will get back together in the future. Signs that this is the case is when you find your ex trying to make any type of connection possible or requesting to stay friends so they can still be a part of your life. While this can seem harmful initially, it is not healthy and can become rather annoying and toxic over time. This is why it is important to figure out the best strategies of getting rid of your ex for good.

Detach from Social Media – One of the first things you should do is remove your ex from social media altogether if you feel that this person is still trying to watch your every move and slide into your DMs. By staying “friends” on social media, that is leaving the door open for communication and gives them an opportunity to still feel connected to you in some way. If you are not interested in staying friends or getting back together in the future, then it is the right call to cut them off from your social media.

Verbally Express That It Is Over for Good – While I understand that this can be a very tough conversation, it is important to flat out declare that the relationship is over for good. Then there is no miscommunication that things could work out later in time or for the person to think you are still interested. Many people tend to think that their ex still cares for them romantically if they are still in contact with each other which is why it is essential to make it crystal clear that the relationship is over by saying so. Even though it might feel bad to reject someone who you dated at one point, remember that you are doing the right thing in the long run by being honest and upfront so no one feels misled in any way.

Block Their Phone Number – In certain extreme situations, it is necessary to block the other person’s phone number so they cannot call or contact you. While this might appear cruel or insensitive, sometimes the other person won’t get the hint unless you block them. Then you do not need to deal with your ex trying to creep back into your life all the time or at random. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind” and sometimes blocking is the best way to achieve this. You should not be in a position where you have to constantly explain yourself or your reasoning for the breakup which is why you are better off just cutting off this person from your life so that everyone can keep their life moving.

3 Ways to Avoid Living Paycheck to Paycheck

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It is hard escaping news headlines that a higher percentage of people are living paycheck to paycheck, even people who have a high annual salary. There are many contributing factors that are causing this including the rate in which inflation has increased over the past year. Aside from that, when people make more money, they also tend to spend more because they feel they deserve it or that they are comfortable enough to spend more while saving at the same time. No matter how much money you are making, it is essential to make money management a top priority. This will allow for yourself to be in a better financial position in the long run and ensure that you won’t be living paycheck to paycheck. Like most things in life, it is never too late to start and develop the right habits to get you on the right financial track.

Set Up Automatic Payments Into Your Savings Account – Whatever amount you can comfortably afford, determine a set amount that will automatically get deducted once a week and then you do not touch the money. This is a quick way to build savings without really thinking about it. If you are more disciplined, you can manually put the money into your savings every week and change up the amounts as needed depending on how much extra that you have left over. Every dollar counts so any little bit that you can put towards your savings is better than nothing!

Reduce Consumption and Eliminate Non-essentials – I recently wrote about how reducing consumption is a great way to save money. This could really range from anything from using less energy/gas to eating less at a restaurant so you have a second meal to take home at a later time. There are so many ways in which you could reduce what you consume each day. It is also smart to examine your monthly subscriptions and other services/products that you currently have and then eliminate the ones that you do not really need. Do you pay for cable or a gym membership that you never use? Then this might be the time to cancel these services altogether so that you can allocate the money into your savings and/or investments.

Track Every Dollar That You Spend – If you follow my blog, you probably have read me talk about this consistently but it is important to track your expenses everyday. This helps you stay accountable with your financial decisions and can also serve as a tool for analyzing your money habits. Did you notice that you spent more money on non-essentials last month? Then you can strive to reduce your spending the following month. The only way you can truly track this is by actually taking the time to record all your expenses in order to stay focused both on spending less while maximizing your daily savings. If you can do both of these things at the same time then you will find that you will not be living paycheck to paycheck anymore.

Complaining Is Often Unnecessary – Here Are 3 Alternatives

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I would say that one of my biggest pet peeves are people who complain too much. The irony of me writing about this topic is that I am being a hypocrite by complaining about complainers (lol) but I am just stating the fact that there is nothing really positive about complaining. It is okay to vent from time to time and this is natural; however, when complaining becomes an excessive everyday habit, I would suggest being aware of the issue and making a conscious effort to find ways to reduce it or break the habit altogether. The good news is, there are many highly effective alternatives that you can apply and here is a good list to start with.

Focus on The Good – There is Always a Silver Lining – No matter how bad things appear to be, I honestly believe that it can’t be as bad as you think as things could always be so much worse. If you adopt this perspective, you will never feel the need to complain. At the present moment, you might be thinking, “ugh this is awful” but in reality, it’s not that bad after all. At the end of the day, you are going to be just fine. 😉

Learn to Adapt – It is important to develop coping skills and being able to roll with the punches when things don’t seem to go your way. There really is no need to complain if things are out of your control which is why it is much more beneficial to find ways to adapt. Learn to keep your mind positive despite the adversity or hardship you are experiencing. It is better to keep a peaceful and happy state of mind no matter what is happening. Usually whatever it is that is bothering you will pass over time.

If You are That Unhappy Then It Is Time to Make Some Life Changes – People tend to complain about things that are easily within their control and can be changed for the better. For example, are you unhappy about your job? If so, then it’s time to think of getting a new one or finding a new profession altogether. There are so many things that people complain about that could be prevented simply by making the changes that are needed to make life a much happier one! Sometimes change is scary and it can make you feel uneasy when you are out of your comfort zone but without taking the risks, you won’t reap the rewards. That is why I recommend striving to make changes in your life for the better because then you will not feel the need to complain about life as much.

Navigating Expectations Within Relationships – Why It Is Important to Find a Healthy Balance

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When it comes to expectations, I find that people tend to either set them too high or too low. It is definitely good to set expectations in general as opposed to not setting them at all but there is such a thing as setting expectations that are too high. When it comes to personal relationships, it is important to make a conscious effort in finding a healthy balance with your expectations. It is natural to place high expectations on a new relationship or when you meet someone new whom you really like. While you might have a mental checklist of exactly what you are looking for in a mate, the reality is, no one is perfect and no one is going to fit every single item on your checklist. That is why I emphasize that the key is BALANCE when navigating your expectations or otherwise you are always going to be left unhappy–no matter who you’re with.

I recommend taking the time to develop a realistic list of expectations of what matters to you most but to also keep your mind open to other people’s differences. While it is great being able to find a person with many similarities, sometimes contrasting traits will enhance the relationship and still ensure that there is compatibility because they will compliment each other. A common example of this is if someone is more extroverted, this person will tend to connect better with someone who is more introverted. When developing any healthy relationship, it is essential to have the capacity of adapting to others while also being flexible. As I mentioned previously, being too rigid and/or setting your expectations too high will typically result in major disappointment and unhappiness which all could have been avoided.

If you do find that you are dating someone who doesn’t meet any of your expectations–in other words, this person has more negative qualities than positive qualities, then you have every right to want to cut your losses and move on. There is no point in settling with being someone who does not live up to any of your expectations and mislead the other person into thinking that you are invested in the relationship when you already know ultimately that you are not interested due to unmet expectations.

Self Confidence Is Based On YOUR Personal Beliefs Above Anything Else

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Self confidence can come from various sources and change throughout the course of your life; however, there is no denying that self confidence will naturally manifest from within if you do things that align with your belief system. For example, if you believe that education equates to success, then you should take the courses needed to help you progress in your career which would ultimately make you a successful person over time. Everyone’s personal values and beliefs are individually selected so it is important to establish what you find most important and then take the action that is needed to possess those qualities. Another example might be prioritizing a fit and healthy physique as something that makes you feel confident. If this is important to you, then you will naturally be inclined to work out and implement a healthy diet in order to get the results needed.

While many have a belief that what others think of you matters, it is important to develop the mindset that you are a high value individual and can generate your own self confidence no matter what other people do or say. When you genuinely possess high self esteem, your belief about yourself will never be impacted or changed. Why? Your confidence levels and self worth are not determined by the people around you and come from within which is ultimately a positive thing. You want to get to a place in your life where you do not care what other people think of you because how you feel about yourself is what matters most. That is why it is important to pursue things that bring you both joy and confidence which are in alignment with your beliefs. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, it is time to dig deep and make some serious changes. You need to first focus on what you want and from there, actually implement the changes needed while working on developing the characteristics that can allow you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that it is important to want to make the changes for yourself and not because someone is pressuring you to be a certain way or to please others. Always let your intuition paired with your belief system be the guiding forces of your life and you will be on a spiritual path to growth and acceptance of self.