Category Archives: Self

Pursuit of Independent Happiness – Why It Is Needed Within Your Personal Relationships

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I know the title might sound like a bit of a contradiction. On the one hand, you should pursue your own independent happiness yet how can a personal relationship survive if you are only focusing on your self development and life goals? That’s a good question but I am here to provide you with an explanation as to why it is important to continue your pursuit of independent happiness for the greater good of your personal relationships.

Often times when people get locked into a serious relationship, there are sacrifices that are needed to be made to keep the relationship going which can include one or both partners being in a position that they are forced to put their personal goals in the back burner. In addition, usually one although sometimes both people might become too overly dependent on the other person as their primary source of happiness. This is where relationships can become unhealthy and ultimately fall apart over time. Why? You need two independently happy individuals. Each need their own set of life goals, interests, social lives, and things that they do that is completely separate from their partner. Together, they can build each other up and support each other but each person needs to still prioritize their own best interests and build a strong foundation from within above anything else as opposed to giving all this up once finding someone to share their life with. If you have one person on a path of success while the other is still “figuring it out,” I do not think this is an ideal match because being at two very different stages of life can create its own set of challenges unless the more successful partner is okay with this dynamic and can accept things as they are. Remember, any relationship has the potential to last but this requires the right amount of effort, patience, and commitment from two people who are willing to put in the work to preserve the longevity of the relationship.

If you find that you are not happy where you are in the current state of your life, then continue to work on it! Think positively by knowing that many great things in life take time to manifest and are worth the wait. Stay patient, determined, consistent, and stay on a focused path to get to where you need to go in your life to provide you the independent happiness you are striving for. Even if that means forgoing being in a relationship right now, know that investing the extra time in yourself is ultimately the best investment you could be making not only for you but for when the time is right for that special someone to walk into your life. 😉 By the time you are ready, you can then actually offer them the very best version of yourself which is a key component in building a healthy, fulfilling, and everlasting personal relationship.

Why Your Looks Are Everything and Nothing at the Same Time – How to Develop a Healthy Self Image

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In my professional life, I chose to become a makeup artist. If I were to tell you that looks do not matter whatsoever, that would definitely be far from my perception of the reality because yes–looks do matter. There is no denying that when you take the time to look good, people are naturally more attracted to you and often times will treat you much better. I do not think people do this on a conscious level, it is a more subconscious behavior. Do I believe this is right? No, I do not but it is both reality and human nature. This explains why people invest a good amount of money into their looks which can range from buying the most flattering clothes, hiring professionals (aka myself as a professional makeup artist), or more drastic measures which could include permanent procedures and surgeries.

As important as it is to develop a healthy and desirable self image, it is important to recognize that looks are not everything. Your appearance might attract you the right professional and personal opportunities but there are other things to focus on besides your image. It is important to understand that we as individuals need to dig deep from within and work on building the inside. This can include your inner confidence, character, and expanding the mind through education and life experiences.

Also keep in mind from a relationship standpoint, as many are motivated to look good to attract a mate, looks also are not everything nor would you want to be with someone who is solely dating you because of what they see on the outside. Looks can easily fade over time so choosing a mate strictly based upon physical attraction is not ideal as you need spiritual substance, similar interests, and a strong foundation to keep the relationship going in the long run.

Another thing to consider is that realistically, from a good looks standpoint–people are a dime a dozen. In other words, there are plenty of highly attractive people out in the world and there are always going to be people who are more physically attractive than you (which just is dependent on the eye of the beholder). People can be born with it or they can put in the effort to enhance their natural beauty. Striving to obtain a look that is valued by society or taking an extreme measure to look perfect (such as plastic surgery) just is unrealistic and frankly, unnecessary.

What can you do instead to develop a healthy self image? From the outside, I truly believe in working with what Mother Nature gave you. It is important to embrace the looks you were given as it creates your personal identity. You might not like everything you were born with but I am sure you can definitely find things that you are happy with which should be more of your main focus than just fixating on the things you are dissatisfied with or would want to change.

  • In terms of making changes, there are things that are within your control such as incorporating a good fitness regime and a healthy diet. This is not only good for enhancing your physicality and youth but it is also great for your overall health and longevity.
  • The way in which you express yourself through your personal style is another way you can develop a healthy self image and while also setting yourself apart. This can be done based upon your choice of clothing, accessories, shoes, etc. You have the control to make these choices and no one else.

At the end of the day, you should put some emphasis onto your looks in a way that makes you feel confident and healthy. While looks can be everything when going for a specific job or opportunity, remember that looks are not everything. Working on your physical appearance can be and should be a component within your self development but just do not make it the end all and be all.

I Do Not Believe in Manifesting an Exact Person Into Your Life But You Can Do These Two Things Instead

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I never want to tell someone that they cannot do something because truly anything is possible with the right mindset and the Laws of Attraction put into play. However, when it comes to manifesting the right partner or more precisely a specific person, I do not want to say it is impossible but I just do not feel it is realistic or the best approach because you cannot always make someone fall in love with you–especially if they are not in the right place to pursue a relationship or flat out already decided you are not the one for them. It is for this reason why I find it to be wasted spiritual energy to put all your eggs in one basket and keep only one person in your mind whom you want to manifest. It just is not the right way to think because you are limiting yourself by narrowing the scope of your vision to only one person when there could actually be other potential mates who would be an even better mutual match. More consequently, you are putting yourself in a scarcity mindset (Translation: This is the one and only person for me). Remember, we live in a world of abundance. How is it possible that this person is the only person you want to manifest in order to make your life feel complete? I highly doubt that (no offense). So what now? What are other action steps can you take to at the very least manifest the right partner into your life?

Work on Yourself So You Have the Most You Can Offer to the Partner of Your Dreams – People never want to hear this but this actually is the root of the problem. While there are many people who set the bar low (“I will take whoever I can get” mindset) and wonder why they are always unhappy within their personal relationships, there is also a different category of people who think the opposite. In contrast, they hold very high expectations as to who they want to be with but at the end of the day, they do not have much to offer to the other partner. [Think about it, why would a person of high value settle for someone who does not also work on being the very best version of self? Not only is it unrealistic, you just do not see that happen all too often]. In order to really attract the person you want to be with, the reality is, you also need to put in the work and step up your game so that you equally can be the full package not only for yourself first and foremost but to attract someone of the same level. When you focus more on yourself rather than staying in a state of desperation always in need of finding someone, you will be amazed at the results. You will naturally just be more attractive to others without even asking or trying anymore. People will want to date you and you will find that there are actually too many options as opposed to feeling there are never enough.

Be Specific on the Qualities You Are Looking For – If you already have an exact person whom you want to attract, what is it about them that you like? It is better to focus more on these qualities instead of the person you have in mind because chances are, you will eventually find a person who possesses some (maybe even all) of the same qualities even though it was not the original person you had envisioned. If you want to take this step seriously, take a moment to write a list of the qualities that are most important to you in a partner. Realistically, you might not find someone who has every single quality within your personal checklist but it is a good guideline to follow and use as reference when you are dating because you are more focused on what you are looking for. I definitely recommend being very specific on the criteria but do not focus only on a single person. Although it can happen and you can capture the heart of someone you know whom you really like, keep the spiritual door open to the idea that you can find someone like this person instead or perhaps you might find someone completely new in its entirety. Remember, the Universe is an abundant place and anything is possible so keep that mind open to the possibilities!

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

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When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

Want to Make a Life Change? – 3 Absolute Necessities to Make It Happen

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Although this is the time you might be thinking about resolutions and life changes, we all know that you can decide to make a positive shift in your life at any point of the year. However, although people might have the best intentions to do so, often times people fall short by giving up way too soon, not doing anything about it to begin with, and/or were never really too serious about making the change to begin with. This is why it is important to focus on these three things to manifest the change:

Deep Desire – People want many things within their lifetime but the real question is, how badly do you really want these things? For example, many people aspire to lose weight and stay in shape. However, if you do not want it that badly then chances are, you will never get the results you are looking to achieve. A person who is serious about making a change is going to ask, what sacrifices are going to be needed to actually reach the end goal? This question stems from their burning passion from within. When you have a deep desire to achieve something, you will be amazed how much your will power will kick up to high gear along with a focused state of mind.

Belief in Self – I think the biggest setback people often face is self. If you do not strongly believe you can make the life change, think it will require too much work, do not feel you are deserving, or whatever the hesitation might be on your end, then chances are, it will never happen. This is why it is ESSENTIAL that you actually believe you can make it happen. Again, you do not need to know exactly when or how right now to get there but you need to really believe that you can acquire it. If you do not fully believe this on your own, then I recommend relying on people in your life who can positively support you and writing down some affirmations on cards that you can read daily to serve as a reminder and as a way to sink into your subconscious mind.

Execute Action – I always emphasize desiring and believing are the first steps of the process of manifestation but it cannot stop there because that simply is not enough–it is only the start. This is where you need to actually execute action by forming new habits and taking the steps needed to get to your final goal of making the life change. As a preliminary step, writing out an actual action plan can be incredibly beneficial. It will lay out a guideline of the actions needed to manifest exactly what you want. It also provides you a place to track your progress over time and check off everything you have accomplished along the way throughout the journey to completion.

The 5 Love Languages – What They Are and My Overall Thoughts

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The concept of the 5 Love Languages has been around for quite some time and I just had to Google it now for the exact year (if you do not feel like clicking on the link, the answer is 1992). I actually never took the time to examine the love languages until more recent years as people have asked me how I felt about them and if I knew what my love language was.

My initial thought when I read what they were was, well aren’t they all important in a meaningful relationship? I mean seriously, they all sound valuable and key components of any strong relationship. However, as I really thought about it more thoroughly, I realized that actually, the love languages can definitely vary from person-to-person with someone prioritizing one love language way over another along with someone else not really caring about a love language in its entirety. Even looking upon my prior dating experiences, I do recall breaking up with someone who I knew greatly cared about me with the reason being, “I just don’t feel the love in which I need it.” I never said, “I’m breaking up because our love languages are not the same.” I did not even know much about the love languages at this time; however, when thinking about it, that was very much the truth and bottom line for the break up: Our love languages did not match.

It is for this reason, I think it is wise to examine the different love languages for both a better understanding of yourself along with better equipping yourself for the dating world when you are in a relationship. I believe taking the time to understand your partner’s love languages can go a long way in terms of the overall success of the relationship. So what are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation – This love language involves expressing love through words such as compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal support. A person who values this love language will enjoy a hand written card and appreciate a well thought out text message.

Quality Time – A person who loves quality time is someone who cherishes creating memories with their partner and having actual time spent with each other. This can also include quality time spent talking on the phone, doing activities, and having meaningful conversations.

Acts of Service – The expression, “Actions speak louder than words” best applies to someone who chooses acts of service as their love language. They like when a person does something nice for them to show that they care.

Gifts – This love language is about the act of gift giving with more of an emphasis of the meaning and thoughtfulness of the gift more than the monetary value. A person who prizes this likes to receive gifts as it serves as a more visual representation of love.

Physical Touch – People who enjoy physical touch as their love language like physical signs of affection such as cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc. This can include sex as well. The specific type of physical affection most valued can vary but a person with this love language feels most loved when physical touch is involved.

All in all, I think the theory behind the love languages holds some validity in terms of how couples can express love towards one another; however, I do believe there are many more variables within a relationship to determine its overall longevity and success. For example, you might have two people who share the same exact love languages but if they are not compatible to begin with, it probably will not last over time. I believe sharing the same love languages can be extremely beneficial but that there are many other components within the relationship to further examine.

If You Are Not the Person You Want to Be – 5 Steps to Get You Closer

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As we step into yet another new year, we often think this is the time to come up with some resolutions with the mindset that this is going to be our greatest year yet. The truth of the matter is, our lives are constantly a work in progress and essentially a masterpiece we are creating one stroke at a time, in other words each and every day. The beginning of a new year is a great time to refocus on what we are looking to achieve while for some it might be a good time to press the reset button and start something entirely new.

Another thought to consider is, who are you today and who is the person that you want to become? After digging deep and thinking about that, the next thought is to ask yourself, how do you become that person and what is it going to take to do so? In order to become the person you aspire to be, here are five things you can do to build yourself up:

Have a Vision – Everything starts with a vision. You need to start by proactively thinking about the life you want to live including the life experiences and lifestyle you want to acquire. It should excite you just thinking about the vision within your mind, the more vivid the better.

Write It Down – As much as it is important to create the thoughts in your mind, thinking and talking about anything is not the same as actually writing it down. That is why I advise taking the time to write down in a journal or an index card specifically who you want to be and taking it a step further by planning out ways you can achieve this.

Create Affirmations – If you have never taken the time to write affirmations about yourself, this is a great time to start. Affirmations are powerful because they are statements you are declaring about yourself. Even if you do not fully believe in what you are writing right now, it will sink in your mind over time if you repeat them in order to start believing them.

Improve Your Habits – In order to become a better person or get better at anything, focusing on your habits and improving them is key. I also recommend finding a way to track your progress as this holds you more accountable and you can see your growth over time.

Study the People You Admire – Is there someone in your life whom you greatly respect or perhaps a famous person whom you admire? This is a good opportunity to learn about them by taking some mental notes on how they live their lives and then applying what they do to better your own life while continuing to look up to them as a role model.

A Time to Reflect – What I Do on Every New Year’s Day

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For starters, happy new year! 🙂 The years go by so fast that it is really hard to believe a new year is upon us. The year 2020 was a year that presented many challenges but on the positive side, we can all learn very much from these challenges. It took many of us out of our comfort zones which I do not view as a bad thing because this tests our inner strength and can only make us stronger. I am not dismissing the fact that 2020 was a rough year on so many of us but just acknowledging that we can still find good things rather than only focus on the negatives.

New Year’s Day for me is a time of solitude and reflection. This is not to say that I stay isolated all day as I am sure I can recall previous years where I was surrounded by others on New Year’s Day but more often than not, I usually find a good portion of the day to just be by myself. I find that it is calming and it spiritually energizes me to look at where I am today while focusing on where I want to be tomorrow. Whether it is a new year or not, I always want to be progressing in life and if I am going to fall, I’m surely going to fall forward.

I also take the time on New Year’s Day to write a letter to myself. I cannot recall when exactly I started this New Year’s tradition but I am going to say this started at least ten years ago by this point. It is never a long letter but I tend to write about where I am at that moment on that day and also write where I predict I will be a year later. I find it really interesting to read the letter a year later because it captures that moment in time while also seeing how much changes from year-to-year. Although many areas of my life stay relatively stable, I do find my life from one year to the next can be rather unpredictable. (Ex: I think we can all agree that there was no way we could have predicted that we would be living through a pandemic right now).

Although many people might not be too fond of writing, I recommend taking some time out of your day to write a New Year’s letter to yourself. You can write about anything such as where you are right now in life, what you see in your future, and whatever is of relevance to you at the present moment. There are no specific guidelines as to how to do this as this is a personal letter that you are writing to yourself and for no one else to read (personally–I never share the letter with anyone). After you write the letter, you can seal it and store it in a safe place to not be opened until January 1st, 2022. I find the thought of what the first day of the year 2022 is hard for me to fathom right now but it is intriguing thinking about next year on the first day of the current new year.

Self Love is Not About How Many Selfies You Post on Social Media – (It is This Instead)

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One of the many themes of this blog is the concept of self love because possessing self love is not only healthy but it will also guide you in making the right decisions in regards to your personal relationships. In other words, when you love yourself, then you are less likely to be in situations where people are not treating you right and it will become pretty automatic to weed out the wrong people from your life in its entirety. You will develop a zero tolerance for misbehavior policy because you are just too damn worth it to have to settle or deal with the nonsense (lol–heck, it’s true)!

In today’s modern culture where social media is prevalent and has become a significant part of our daily lives (not everyone of course but the majority), I find that there is such a thing as people who overshare selfies or just photos of oneself. Now if you are in a career such as a model where you are promoting yourself through the use of artistic images as a portfolio in order to collect more work for yourself then by all means, I find that it makes total sense to post them for professional reasons and I understand the logic behind that. However, most people are not professional models or are in a field that would require posting photos of oneself on the regular.

I find people who pretty much only post selfies or do so on a daily basis tend to lack self love because they are in constant need of validation from the outside world and in need of likes, comments, and attention in order to feel good or to feel relevant. Someone who has self love does not need to rely on social validation from others to feel good because it radiates from within. They know they look good already so they do not need to over project their image to the world. They seek validation in more meaningful ways than just images of themselves. Anyone who knows they are attractive or smart or whatever value they offer do not need people to be reminding them of these things. Someone who does not naturally have self love will be looking for it in all the wrong places and their validation will come from a place of neediness and scarcity.

I do not think there is any harm in sharing a photo of yourself enjoying a life experience or maybe you really had a nice outfit to share–I would just suggest to be more selective in the images you post so it does not make you come off as someone who is desperate for attention from others and that you offer more valuable substance than what you look like on the outside. Plus with all these filters and photo editing apps, who really knows if these images are truly that authentic anymore. I also believe that the less selfies you post, the more valuable it is when you actually do take the time to post a photo of yourself so make it count by limiting your selfies and by sharing other aspects of your life that don’t revolve around your image but maybe a hobby, event, destination, family, friends, etc.

The Importance of Chasing Intrinsic Happiness if You Want to Be Successful

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What is success? Everyone has a different view as to what success means to them. Success to one person could mean an abundance of fortune while to someone else it could mean achieving fame or perhaps it could be a combination of both and so much more. Success can mean different things to different people. Despite success being translated in various ways, one universal principle that will keep you on the pathway to success comes down to your constant pursuit of intrinsic happiness. The reason why I want to emphasize the intrinsic aspect of happiness is because it really needs to come from within your soul (and not someone else’s). It has to be automatic, natural, authentic, and ultimately make you feel good inside.

If you are pursuing things in life for the sake the of it, everybody’s doing it, or someone tells you it is a good idea when you do not feel the same way, that does not equate as success in my book because it does not revolve around doing what brings you intrinsic happiness. For example, society likes to paint a picture of how your life is meant to play out. In order to have a successful career, you need to pursue an education by going to college. So does that mean that every “successful” career requires a college degree? Absolutely not! Especially in today’s modern world, there are plenty of ways to work towards a successful career that might not require a formal education. The same goes for marriage. It might appear that you need to get married by a certain age in order to reach a high level of success within your personal life but some people might not have the desire to get married or have a family. A person focused on intrinsic happiness while doing it solo can still have the capacity to attract success into their lives and sometimes even more so even if it appears that their personal life was compromised.

At the end of the day, you really need to ask yourself, what makes you happy from the inside out? What brings you joy and makes you feel excited to be alive? When choosing a career path that leads to success, opting for a job that guarantees a hefty salary might be a strong motivating factor but you need to also love what you do. If you dread going to work or hate your job, then maybe it is time to leave your field altogether and try something new. It is never too late to reinvent yourself. I also truly believe that whatever it is that you gravitate towards in life, the money will follow and you can make a living from it. Some paths will take longer than others but with the Laws of Attraction put into place, you do not need to worry so much about the how and when but rather trust the process by trusting what your soul is telling you to chase in life. We all have one life to live–so let’s make it count by investing our energy and time into the things that provide us a life full of purpose and personal satisfaction which will ultimately bring us a heightened level of success in all areas of our lives. 🙂