Monthly Archives: September 2023

Mortgage or Marriage First? – My Thoughts on Living Together Before or After Marriage

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Back in the day, most couples would wait to get married before they would move in together. Fast forward to the modern world that we live in and you will find that many couples choose to buy or rent a place together before getting married. There are also couples who decide to live together with no intention of getting married. Is there one option that is better than the other? The best answer to this is to really take a deep dive and examine what your personal life goals are along with your personal values. I say “personal” because it is important to really have your own set of individual goals and values to help you determine exactly what you are looking for. Then you can proactively seek a partner who has goals and values that are closely aligned with your own. If you don’t think about what you truly want, it is easy to fall into a relationship where the other person controls yours or you make too many personal sacrifices just to do whatever it takes to please your partner which is never a healthy dynamic.

For me personally, I was brought up with the old school way of thinking that it is better to get married first and then live together. Mind you, I was also raised to think for myself and make my own independent decisions–even if that could drastically be different from my parents. In other words, although I was raised with this way of thinking, I happen to also agree with it despite the social shift that has happened in recent years. Personally, I believe if marriage is one of your end goals, that it is better to wait until marriage before living together. One of the reasons is that it gives you something really great to look forward to as a couple if you choose to wait. If you live together first and then get married, there really isn’t too much of a change because you have already experienced living together. To me, getting the privilege to live together should come with marriage and not be something taken lightly. In the past, I had serious relationships where my partner would talk about wanting to live together. I find it rather insulting to talk about living together before talking about marriage. Even if that is not the intent, that is how I felt because of my strong personal value of cherishing marriage before cohabitation. So my answer was always a firm NO. Many people want all the perks of living together without marriage which means cheaper living expenses and taking up more of your time. However, why would you essentially give that privilege to someone without the commitment of marriage? Essentially as the idiom goes, why buy the milk if you can have the cow for free? That is why I believe in being patient and waiting for marriage before even talking about living together with anyone. If someone is that eager to live with you, this person should be just as eager to marry you if that is something that this person is also looking to manifest in their future.

If marriage is something that you do not care about and you are looking for a companion to live with and/or trying to keep your living costs down then I would say that there is nothing wrong with making this choice. There is nothing wrong with not wanting marriage and I would encourage those who feel this way to never feel pressured to get married against their will as this would only result in resentment and potentially a divorce later in life. If saving money is a huge priority and you would prefer to save money living together before marriage, then as I mentioned, this is okay as well. That is why I emphasize that you need to have concrete goals and values which will ultimately guide you in making the best life decisions for both you and your partner.

Responding to “I Love You” for the First Time Dos and Don’ts

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When you are in a relationship, it is inevitable that feelings are going to run high and either you or the other person will want to verbally express their love for the first time. If you are the first person to hear it, the words might catch you off guard which could leave you at a loss for words. While it is natural for this to happen, it is good to be prepared if this moment ever arises within a relationship. There are many different approaches but certain approaches are definitely better than others.

Do…

  • It is important to be as HONEST and AUTHENTIC as possible–even if that means saying something that the other person doesn’t want to hear. If you are honest, you do not run the risk of leading the other person on or giving the other person a false sense of reality in terms of where your relationship stands.
  • If you feel the same way, then it is okay to reciprocate that you love the person back. Although it might be tough to allow yourself to be vulnerable at that moment, it is best to say it back so the other person knows that you both have romantic feelings towards one another.
  • If you absolutely do not feel that way and do not believe that you will ever be at a place where you can love the other person, it might be a good idea to establish that you only see the relationship as a friendship or end the relationship altogether so that the other person can get over you faster and move on.

Don’t…

  • It is important to not totally disregard or ignore it when you hear the words. If you do not feel the same way, the worst thing you can do is ignore it or try to change the subject. That will definitely make the person feel undervalued while also stirring more curiosity in their minds as to where they stand with you.
  • Do not say that “you do not know how you feel” because an “I don’t know” typically means no so you are better off conveying that the feelings are not mutual to the other person in a gentle way as opposed to saying that you’re unsure. Sometimes when you say that you are unsure, it leaves the door open for those feelings to eventually change into romantic ones. Although it might come across as clear that you are not in love with the other person, uncertainty can often send mixed messages.
  • Do not just repeat that you love the person back when you do not feel the same way. This is the worst thing that you can do. While you might want to say that to make the other person feel better and keep the “relationship” going, you are ultimately going to hurt this person in the future. It is best to save everyone’s time by expressing how you actually feel now rather than dragging out a dead end relationship.

How to Teach Your Children to Become Financially Independent

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One of the greatest spiritual gifts that you can give to your children is teaching them how to be financially independent. Many parents seem to believe that they are doing their children a favor by giving them everything that they can provide them and by paying for all their expenses. Even if parents have an abundance of wealth, it is still wiser to teach their children how to earn their own money and not to consistently receive financial handouts. In the long run, when children are given free stuff all the time without having to work for it, this creates entitled, spoiled, helpless, and lazy adult children. In order to break this cycle and to prevent this from happening, as a parent, it is important to teach financial independence from the start. This might require some tough love on your part but it will ultimately ensure that you raise children who become self sufficient and financially secure adults who are not dependent on mommy and daddy’s bank account. This is a positive thing and should not be seen as a selfish act as you are forcing your children to grow up, preparing them for the realities of the real world, and building their self worth that they are fully capable of doing this themselves. So where do you begin? The short answer is–as early as possible! There are also some other tips that I would recommend.

Encourage Your Children to Work and Earn Their Own Money – As soon as they can get their working papers, encourage your children to go out in the real world and get a job. Even if the job is not glamorous or high paying, it is still better to push your kids to work and make their own money as opposed to just supplying them with your credit card or money whenever they want something. They are going to eventually need to find a career path but in the meantime, it is smart to have them gain some work experience which will build their work ethic.

Make Them Pay for Everything – I know this might be tough to enforce if your children do not have a steady job or source of income yet but it is essential to make your children pay for everything from the start. Then they will not rely on you for every little thing and expect free handouts. Is your child at an age to drive a car? Do not give them a free car–have them work for it! In addition, they should pay for their car insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs. If you tell them that they need to pay for these things, they will figure it out. This might mean working a job after school or saving strategically but these are great skills to possess. You want your children to be doing these things. It might take them more time to buy the things that they desire but that’s okay. You want to teach your children to know how to pay for things and put in the work that is necessary to earn everything.

Be Okay Saying No When Your Children Ask for Material Objects – It is understandable that your children are going to constantly be asking you for new stuff. It is important to establish what are actual needs versus wants. Oftentimes, the items are not necessities in which it is okay to say no. If the child wants something badly enough, it is a good idea to teach them the benefits of saving any money that they receive or earn to eventually buy the item themselves because it will always be more valuable when it is earned as opposed to being given things for free. It is also good to say no so that the child learns to appreciate what they have as opposed to becoming materialistic and acquiring too many unnecessary possessions.

Teach Them the Benefits of Both Saving and Investing Their Money – Most children are not wise enough to think about the long term effects of their everyday habits. That is why it is natural that they want to spend money to satisfy their need for instant gratification. However, if they were aware of the benefits of compound interest over time and/or the value of saving money for an emergency fund, they would be be more inclined to start saving and investing at a young age. It is up to you as a parent to teach your children financial literacy, especially considering that this is not a subject that is taught in most schools. The best way to teach this is through example and during their younger years so that they can start making the right financial decisions from the start.

Don’t Let Your Adult Children Live at Home for Free – I know this sounds harsh but adults should learn to become adults. That means taking on responsibilities such as moving out of their parents’ house, paying their own bills, managing their personal finances, etc. When you let your adult children live at home for free, they tend to become freeloaders who have no motivation to work or do anything. Do you blame them? Why work when they don’t need to?! It is for this reason that you should encourage your children to move out and learn how to navigate adulthood on their own. Aside from financial lessons, there are so many other life lessons that are gained from living independently such as becoming more responsible and self sufficient. If you allow them to live at home still, maybe consider having them buy their own groceries, contribute towards utilities, pay rent, and/or do extra chores around the house. This might encourage them to want to move out or at the very least teach them that living at home comes with a cost.

Happy Fall – I Am Back From My Blog Vacation!

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Hi everyone, it is officially September which means that fall is around the corner and that another summer has quickly passed us by. This was the first time that I took an extended vacation from my blog (a full two months) and I have to admit that I fully enjoyed those two months in which I barely turned on my computer! While I had the free time to write, it was good that I took a break and spent less time in front of a screen. It gave me the opportunity to rejuvenate my social life and reconnect with friends and family whom I hadn’t seen in awhile. I also had the opportunity to travel which is one of my favorite hobbies.

After some time away, I am back to blogging every week. I have been keeping a list on my phone of topics that I will be writing about but I am always open to suggestions. I love to blog about things that I have insight about and/or create content that can truly benefit the lives of others. Here you will find a good mix of everything. If you recently subscribed over the summer months, then welcome to my blog. If you are a returning reader, then I would like to extend another warm welcome. I hope that my writing can inspire you to “make up the life you love” by becoming more intentional with your life and staying positive throughout the journey! 😉 (A real blog to follow next week but I just wanted to reintroduce myself back to my blog).