Category Archives: Parenting

Why Younger Generations Are Often Labeled Lazy And Ways to Prevent This

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While today’s youth face many challenges such as a higher cost of living, significantly higher costs for college education, and just an overall harder time getting ahead in life–it is somewhat understandable why it can take longer for young adults to get established and become financially independent. However, despite all of these setbacks, there are definitely ways to overcome this and to set up the younger generations for success. People complain that the younger generations are lazy and don’t want to work hard for anything. They favor instant gratification and doing what is least required of them in order to get by. While I don’t want to generalize everyone to be in this category, I do have to agree that this is the common trend with the youth nowadays. While many do not want to hear this, this issue stems mostly from PARENTING. If you parent your children in a way to allow them to achieve their goals and build them to be independent adults as opposed to dependent and needy adult children, then you are doing the right thing. Unfortunately, I see many parents who are doing the opposite which is ultimately creating a very lazy generation where they simply do not possess the life skills to survive out in the real world outside the comfort of their parents’ homes.

One of the biggest issues is that many parents are failing their children by overindulging their kids and handing everything to them without them working for anything. This is a huge mistake that often backfires in the long run. Parents complain that their adult children do not want to work or go out and get jobs. Well do you blame them? Why would they if they can get everything provided to them for free at home? It is essential that you teach your kids the value of building a strong worth ethic at an early age and understand the importance of developing a career that they love in order to be happy in life while also being able to create financial stability. If you buy your kids everything, then they get used to this way of life where they do not have to try or make any effort because everything is free at their disposal. So whenever they need something, as opposed to going out in the world to earn it, they are just going to expect that their parents will continue to provide everything for them. If this was a pattern that you fell into as a parent, then it is important to step up, establish boundaries, and BREAK THE CYCLE. Otherwise your kids are going to be adult children who mooch off of you forever which will not only eat a way at your retirement savings but also hinder your children from growing up and making something out of themselves.

It is incredibly sad to me to see so many young adults still depending on their family’s resources when they are fully capable of working and paying their own bills. That is why it is up to parents to make their children learn the value of money by making them learn how to earn it themselves and get them to pay for their own expenses when they are old enough to work. This prevents them from expecting free handouts all the time and pushes them to think outside the box and develop passions that will build into wealth over time. That is why it is necessary that parents TEACH the value behind hard work and set high expectations for their children so that they can thrive as adults.

Why Some People Take Things More Personally Than Others

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While personalities vary and some people are potentially born more sensitive than others, there are other factors that can contribute to a person’s sensitivity level. Those factors include both life experiences and a person’s environment. Think about it, if someone grows up living in a bubble where they are never given consequences for their behaviors or told that they are great at everything with minimal effort–then any little insult or negative comment is going to hurt them because they were never exposed to adversity or hardships. On the other hand, if you have someone who has experienced more rejections in life or had a tougher living situation, this person is going to have a thicker skin and become mentally stronger over time. Maybe initially, they might feel weak, hurt, and extra sensitive but they tend to overcome these negative feelings because they are forced to cope and persevere.

Remember that it is always much more rewarding to have to work harder at things, to experience failures, to not be living a cushy life where everything is handed to you, and to embrace any challenges that come along the way because you are developing a stronger mindset and therefore will not take things as personally. It is okay to feel sensitive from time to time but ultimately, it is best to know how to adapt and learn how to regulate your emotions. The ability to self monitor your emotions is a life skill that needs to be developed and ideally it is something that should be taught as early as early childhood. Keep in mind that this is a skill that can improve throughout the course of your lifetime and it is never too late to consciously make the effort to become more mentally tough.

How to Teach Your Children to Become Financially Independent

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One of the greatest spiritual gifts that you can give to your children is teaching them how to be financially independent. Many parents seem to believe that they are doing their children a favor by giving them everything that they can provide them and by paying for all their expenses. Even if parents have an abundance of wealth, it is still wiser to teach their children how to earn their own money and not to consistently receive financial handouts. In the long run, when children are given free stuff all the time without having to work for it, this creates entitled, spoiled, helpless, and lazy adult children. In order to break this cycle and to prevent this from happening, as a parent, it is important to teach financial independence from the start. This might require some tough love on your part but it will ultimately ensure that you raise children who become self sufficient and financially secure adults who are not dependent on mommy and daddy’s bank account. This is a positive thing and should not be seen as a selfish act as you are forcing your children to grow up, preparing them for the realities of the real world, and building their self worth that they are fully capable of doing this themselves. So where do you begin? The short answer is–as early as possible! There are also some other tips that I would recommend.

Encourage Your Children to Work and Earn Their Own Money – As soon as they can get their working papers, encourage your children to go out in the real world and get a job. Even if the job is not glamorous or high paying, it is still better to push your kids to work and make their own money as opposed to just supplying them with your credit card or money whenever they want something. They are going to eventually need to find a career path but in the meantime, it is smart to have them gain some work experience which will build their work ethic.

Make Them Pay for Everything – I know this might be tough to enforce if your children do not have a steady job or source of income yet but it is essential to make your children pay for everything from the start. Then they will not rely on you for every little thing and expect free handouts. Is your child at an age to drive a car? Do not give them a free car–have them work for it! In addition, they should pay for their car insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs. If you tell them that they need to pay for these things, they will figure it out. This might mean working a job after school or saving strategically but these are great skills to possess. You want your children to be doing these things. It might take them more time to buy the things that they desire but that’s okay. You want to teach your children to know how to pay for things and put in the work that is necessary to earn everything.

Be Okay Saying No When Your Children Ask for Material Objects – It is understandable that your children are going to constantly be asking you for new stuff. It is important to establish what are actual needs versus wants. Oftentimes, the items are not necessities in which it is okay to say no. If the child wants something badly enough, it is a good idea to teach them the benefits of saving any money that they receive or earn to eventually buy the item themselves because it will always be more valuable when it is earned as opposed to being given things for free. It is also good to say no so that the child learns to appreciate what they have as opposed to becoming materialistic and acquiring too many unnecessary possessions.

Teach Them the Benefits of Both Saving and Investing Their Money – Most children are not wise enough to think about the long term effects of their everyday habits. That is why it is natural that they want to spend money to satisfy their need for instant gratification. However, if they were aware of the benefits of compound interest over time and/or the value of saving money for an emergency fund, they would be be more inclined to start saving and investing at a young age. It is up to you as a parent to teach your children financial literacy, especially considering that this is not a subject that is taught in most schools. The best way to teach this is through example and during their younger years so that they can start making the right financial decisions from the start.

Don’t Let Your Adult Children Live at Home for Free – I know this sounds harsh but adults should learn to become adults. That means taking on responsibilities such as moving out of their parents’ house, paying their own bills, managing their personal finances, etc. When you let your adult children live at home for free, they tend to become freeloaders who have no motivation to work or do anything. Do you blame them? Why work when they don’t need to?! It is for this reason that you should encourage your children to move out and learn how to navigate adulthood on their own. Aside from financial lessons, there are so many other life lessons that are gained from living independently such as becoming more responsible and self sufficient. If you allow them to live at home still, maybe consider having them buy their own groceries, contribute towards utilities, pay rent, and/or do extra chores around the house. This might encourage them to want to move out or at the very least teach them that living at home comes with a cost.

How to Build Confidence in Children – It Is the Opposite of What You Might Think

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I know I have written a blog similar to this subject matter before and it is something that is especially helpful to read, especially if you are a parent or a parent to be. Although I am not a parent, I understand what an important job it is and that it is a role that should not be taken lightly. I also recognize that everyone has a very different approach to parenting and what might work on one child might not work out so well on another. So of course, parenting is a very personal role and one has to tailor the job to their particular child.

No matter what your parenting style is, I think that most would agree that it is important to build confidence in children so that they grow up to be strong and independent adults. People tend to think that telling their kids that they are the best at everything and teaching them to believe that they are flawless is helping their kids. Let’s be real for a moment–No one is flawless. Everyone is born with skills and talents but no one is good at everything in every area in life. Think about it, if someone was told that they are already exceptional at something, then there is little room to find improvements or to grow. It is OKAY to not be good at something and to point this out to a child or to anyone because this can motivate the person to want to get better and to strive to be a better person.

As a child, my parents had no problem telling me that I was not good at something and that I needed to improve. Maybe in the short term, I might feel upset inside but in the long term, my confidence was set up in a position that in order to elevate my self esteem, I needed to find ways to overcome these challenges. It is kind of like starting from the bottom of the mountain and then climbing to the top. What a wonderful feeling it is (aka a boost of confidence) once you actually get to the top! If one already started at the top of a mountain, then you would just stay there doing nothing because you would have no where else to climb any higher. This also creates a false sense of reality because most things in life require some work in which one needs to start at the very bottom. No one just automatically starts at the top because again, there is no room for growth and one needs to embrace the challenges along the way in order to get to the top to build strength which ultimately generates confidence.

Life’s Greatest Gifts to Give to Your Children – My Top 3

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When it comes to raising children, ultimately parents want to be able to give their children the best upbringing and experience. There is no such thing as perfect parenting but we can all strive to be good care givers and role models. When I think about what is most important, although I can probably come up with a much longer list, I wanted to truly think about what my top three gifts would be and this is what I think matters most.

Good Memories – I truly believe experiencing quality and meaningful memories will always be more valuable than material objects. Children are very impressionable and creating memories for them that are positive is beneficial for their overall development. When I look back at my own childhood, I am thankful my parents made an effort to provide me experiences to travel and always threw me fun birthday parties that I still remember today.

Tough Love – Many parents try to become friends with their children without serving as a strong authority figure and setting healthy boundaries. It is for this reason why I want to point out the importance of giving tough love. It does not sound like a very positive gift but ultimately you are setting up your children to succeed, increasing their self value, and building their character. Children might be resentful towards you but know that you are really doing them a huge favor in the long run.

Emotional Support – In order for kids to trust you and feel comfortable coming to you for guidance, I firmly believe that emotional support is a necessity. By emotional support, I mean actually taking the time to build a spiritual connection with your children while also supporting them every step of the way throughout their lives. Especially during the teenage years which can bring upon many challenges, parents need to really put in the extra effort to provide emotional support to ensure that their children are making good life decisions and know that their parents are there for them when they need them most.

Every parent has their own unique parenting style and not all children are created equal. What approach works on one child might not work as effectively on another. However, when it comes to life’s greatest gifts to give to your children, I do strongly believe all children can greatly benefit from these three gifts: Good memories, tough love, and emotional support.

How to Prevent Your Adult Children from Living at Home Forever

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Little did I realize when I was old enough to make the statement, “Kids today…” what I was actually referring to was adult kids today. In today’s generation, young adults live at home for a much extended period than ever before. Don’t get me wrong, there are some advantages to staying at home that include saving money, seeing your family on a daily basis, and security. When one comes from a financially secure family, there is no need to worry about if there is going to be food on the table or if the mortgage/rent along with other living expenses are going to be paid on time. All sounds well and good but allowing adult children to stay home without much of a deadline or expiration date aka expectation for them to leave, this is actually hindering them from becoming an independent adult and allowing them to create their own security for themselves. As parents, one of the greatest gifts that can be provided for their children is to teach them how to stand on their own two feet as opposed to giving everything or doing everything for them which puts them in the adult children category. So how exactly can you encourage young adults to want to grow up and move out already?

Plant the Seed When They Are Young – It is extremely important to start with a strong foundation from the very start of their childhood. In order to do this, you need to set high expectations for your children, especially as they become young adults. If they understand what their expectations are along with ways in which they can meet their expectations, chances are they will automatically rise to the occasion without much of a push needed.

Teach Them Life Skills – This is absolutely crucial in their own personal self development that will carry them throughout life. If you take the time to teach basic life skills like how to manage money effectively, do basic things autonomously, and to be independent, then once they are old enough to live on their own, they will have all the tools in the tool belt (in this case, life skills) to make it happen and quite successfully too might I add.

Stop Doing Everything for Them – Parents tend to want to do everything for their children. If you continue to do things such as their laundry, cooking all their meals, and much more, then why would there ever be an incentive to leave this scenario? By continuing to do everything, this also could potentially promote laziness, which is never an attractive quality.

Give Extra Responsibilities – If they are not motivated to move out on their own, then there should be extra responsibilities around the house or to benefit the family more. This can be a combination of having them contribute financially in some way along with added chores such as having them do the grocery shopping, clean the bathrooms, cook meals for the family, etc. At least this way, they are contributing in some way, learning how to become more responsible, and hopefully by assigning too much to them, this will serve as a huge incentive for them to start the process of looking for places to live.

Guide Them Every Step of the Way – Over time, it can be a very touchy subject to bring up the idea of moving out and often become the elephant in the room. Rather than shaming them or placing an ultimatum, it is wise to guide them in the direction of moving out. This can be done by assisting them in looking for listings for a place to rent/buy, find ways to help them save money, offer to help in any way once they begin the moving process, and much more. It can be a scary transition for certain people to move out for the first time so any way you can ease them will be much appreciated.

Although it might be too late to take back their childhood in terms of how you raised your kids, that does not mean it is ever too late to make some changes for their future. It might be much more difficult but it can definitely be done if you take the time to focus on promoting them to grow up and be independent adults. It might take many baby steps to get to the end goal of having an adult child move out but ultimately it will lead to the greater good along with elevating their self confidence and self worth.

How Tough Love Actually Instills Confidence in Children in the Long Run

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Often times when people think of the concept of tough love, it can have a very negative connotation. Especially when raising children today, people put such a high emphasis on caring about how a child is feeling all the time and guarding those feelings. I think this is healthy and this is necessary for their emotional well being but at the same time, tough love also needs to be implemented for the greater good of the child.

What is tough love exactly? Tough love is the ability to say no, give consequences, apply discipline, and hold someone accountable for their actions.

It may sound counterintuitive that being tough on a child will build their confidence because aren’t their precious little souls going to be crushed if they do not get what they want and if life doesn’t go their way? In that immediate moment and the short term, yes the child is going to be upset and most likely react unfavorably. However, life isn’t fair all the time right? Why do adults create a false sense of reality for children that they can do whatever they want and get away with it? This is not how the real world works and for this reason a good dose of discipline should be enforced even if that means it is going to cause pain, emotional discomfort, and perhaps negatively affect their self esteem at that given moment. But guess what, they get over it. They cope, they adapt, and they move on with a life lesson. It ultimately builds their strength, character, and confidence.

People mistakenly seem to think that over validating a child will build their confidence. I do not agree with that approach unless a child earned a reason to be validated. Simply telling a child they are good at everything or shaping their mentality that they can do no wrong has the opposite effect by creating a sense of entitlement, laziness, and yet again, a false reality because no one is truly exceptional at everything. Sure they might be feeling good (maybe a little too good) about themselves but it will only last for the short term. If children are wrongfully taught they are “the best” at all times, it is a really rude awakening once they are out in the real world and realize they are not so perfect after all. They actually have to apply themselves and compete for things like everyone else in this world. Ouch–confidence shattered.

At the end of the day, it is okay to point out when a child is not good at something and to put them down with constructive criticism. Why? It provides them a sense of self awareness, a much needed reality check, and [hopefully] motivation for self improvement. They strive to get better at whatever it is that they are not good at or proactively find the things they naturally are good at. They work harder towards achieving excellence rather than falsely believing they are excellent for no real reason.

Tough love will hurt at times and it might also not feel good to make someone feel bad, especially a child because they are very impressionable and might not have the capacity to manage their feelings very well. However, you need to trust that you are actually building them up in the long run even if that means there are times that you are bringing them down. They become more aware of their weaknesses and limitations which provides them room to grow into stronger and more confident individuals.