Tag Archives: gender roles

Traveling and Dating – Who Should Pay for What?

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I actually have had this question asked a few times in regards to wanting solid advice on what is the right thing to do in terms of how couples should handle expenses while on vacation when they are ‘just dating’ (not married and perhaps have only have been dating for a short time). To be honest, there really is no set answer to this one because there are so many factors involved and each dating situation is different. For example, are we talking about a weekend getaway or full week vacation overseas?

I think that if one person (usually the man but hey, it’s 2020–anything is possible nowadays) is paying for all or a contribution towards your travel expenses such as the flight and accommodations then it can be expected that once you arrive at the destination, you can pick up a good amount or at least some of the food and entertainment tabs. Personally, it just feels good to reciprocate if someone is that generous to pay most of or all my travel fees up front.

If both people are paying separately and in this case for me as the woman, the man I am dating is not paying anything towards my personal travel expenses, then I do not really expect to pay for meals or much during that time away. In a normal situation when I’m NOT traveling, I do expect a man to pay for most meals (unless it is a special occasion or I am asked to pay the tip). Why? I firmly believe in gender roles and that they should still exist. Whereas I know not everyone might feel the same because the counter argument could be that most women are in the work force today. If a woman has a stable career/job and can pay for meals as well, why is she not paying those bills? I totally understand this way of thinking, it makes sense to me as well but it does not change the principle or belief that I have which is that a man should want to pay for the dates. It actually for me has nothing to do with money being spent but to do with showing a woman that he wants to take care of her along with being chivalrous and conveying his financial strength. Especially in the early stages of the dating game, if a guy is asking the woman to go 50/50 or to pay for dates, then my immediate thought is, “Next.” I do not mean that in an entitled, conceited, or stuck up kind of way. I might still stay to get to know the guy better but I am not going to invest too much of my time because I have been in the dating game long enough to know that this is the golden standard (if you ask most men, they actually do want to pay) and there are an abundance of men who would never ask a woman to take her wallet out. So why would I make an exception now or settle for someone who is a 50/50 kind of guy? I actually do not encounter those kind of men in my life because I set my standard from the start what my expectations are (which mind you, I don’t think is even much to ask) and if this were to be a problem, my response would be, “Then don’t date me.” In other words, I am not going to lower my dating standards as I could keep it moving at that point. However, with travel, I recognize things can add up fast depending on where you go and how long you are away in which I think offering to pay for things from time to time is classy and often appreciated.

Note for Men: I think it is extremely important to consider, if you do NOT plan to pay for much during the trip or expect a more equal contribution financially with how money will be spent throughout the duration of the vacation, then you absolutely need to have this conversation and set those standards. Just as it is important for women to set standards, men should be doing this as well. I have had many male friends complain to me how they do not like having to pay for things all the time when they are dating–especially if there is not a relationship status or if they are unsure how much they like the other person. I ask if they have expressed that to the person they are dating and often times the answer is, “No.” Most women would not know this is bothersome unless it is brought to their attention. Chances are, they would be more than willing to contribute or to pay for things too. Like anything in life, you just have to ask.

To Love or Not to Love? – Who Should Say I Love You for the First Time in a Relationship Along with the When and How Often?

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Expressing your love for someone can be done by your actions but those three little words in a romantic relationship can take it emotionally to great heights and bring two people that much closer to each other. However, often times people question when should it be said, especially for the first time. Of course you can simply, “Go with your feelings and say it to someone when you feel love towards that person” but I would follow some general guidelines before dropping the L-word for the first time. I want to point out that like most topics I write about, this is my general opinion based on life experience and there truly is no black and white answer to this one. Just keep that in mind before you proceed to reading this article as not everyone is going to agree with my point of view (and that’s okay–it is okay to agree to disagree and I embrace that).

In terms of who should say, “I love you” for the first time, without a doubt, I believe the man in the relationship should take lead and be the one to say it first. I am sure there are exceptions although I cannot think of any offhand but I tend to lean towards believing this due to gender roles. By that I look at it like this, if a man is capable of asking a girl out, pursuing the relationship, initiating physical intimacy, and essentially keeping the “chase” then I think they are fully capable of proclaiming their love for the first time. Never in my dating life have I been the one to tell a man in a relationship that I love him first. Even though there have been times I felt that way, I still chose not to say it because I also believe that if the relationship is meant to get to that place, then it will naturally happen when the time is right. Sure, I showed it through my actions but I always waited until the man said it first to me. Like many things in life, the wait is well worth it. I am willing to wait for the things that are most valuable to me. I can recall every single time it was said to me for the first time as I have a screenshot in my mind of that exact moment within the course of the relationship. If the man never says it to me, then he was not the man for me anyhow as this is something I do expect to be said over time.

In a romantic relationship, determining when to say it can truly vary. I have been in situations where it was said in as early as a few weeks or where it took many months. I would say this depends on how consistently you see the person so if you see a person a few times a week, then naturally I would expect two people will feel the love sooner because of the frequency of their encounters. In a distance relationship or situation where you might only get to see the person once or twice a month in the beginning, it might take longer to feel the love because you are still getting to know the person so saying it for the first time could very well be a longer process. I would say it is healthy to wait at least two months before telling a person you love them for the first time. I do not think it is necessary to say it that quickly no matter how intense the love can feel because even if you experience it rather instantly, you also want to make sure you still genuinely feel that way after a few months as sometimes it could be infatuation with that person which is not the same as loving someone. If you are dating for months and you are not emotionally in a place to say that yet, give it more time or consider if you still want to be with the person. You do not want to waste anyone’s time if you do not think it has the potential to reach love while you also should not say it for the sake of it and give it the time it needs for the love to grow towards that person. It can take many months or up to a year and that is okay. I would say that if you are dating someone for a year and still do not feel you love the person, you need to ask yourself some serious questions in regards to if the relationship has a future and if not, then the other person has a right to know where you stand or you should possibly consider breaking it off yourself.

Once you have officially said it for the time and it is reciprocated, I think it is healthy to say it on a fairly daily basis. I guess this depends on what is within each of your comfort zone. Some couples feel as though they do not need to say it everyday whereas other couples say it everyday as it has become a daily ritual to do so. I think once you have gotten to the stage where both people feel that way and are saying it to each other, it can definitely be said as often as you would like. Life is too short to not express love and gratitude towards the person you love which is why I think it is good to be generous in the ways you express it–not just verbally but with your actions too.