Category Archives: Dating Advice

“Out of Touch? – I’m Out of Time” – When to Keep it Moving

Hall & Oates absolutely had it right back in 1984 with their ever so catchy hit, “Out of Touch.” I figured out a way to add it to my post so you can take a listen if you are not familiar with the song. Despite its popularity at the time, I do not think I actually became aware of how much I liked this song until maybe ten years ago when I actually payed attention to the words. This song never gets old to me by ear but when examining the lyrics, I developed a deeper appreciation for the track.

It is without a doubt that communication is a necessity in any healthy relationship. Although many people live busy lives, the good news is that thanks to technology, there are many ways to stay in contact with someone. I would say the easiest is by text but a good old fashioned phone call is just as effective. For people in long distance relationships or for those who want to have the ability to see each other face-to-face, there are also ways to connect in a virtual platform such as Skype or Zoom. What I am getting at with all of this is that with so many available options to connect, there is really no excuse for a communication barrier unless the person is doing something very important at a given moment, in the company of others where it would be rude to utilize their phone, in some sort of emergency situation, or lost their phone altogether. Of course there are plenty of other legitimate reasons that can explain why someone is not able to respond right away but there are also plenty of reasons why someone is out of touch for unjustifiable reasons (such as laziness or lack of care) in which you need to recognize this difference.

When people come to me seeking advice regarding what to do when someone they are starting to date or getting to know takes their sweet time to respond to a text message (I’m not talking hours, I’m talking an extensive amount of days or perhaps weeks) or does not even initiate much contact to begin with, my response is, “Out of touch, out of time.” Meaning that if someone is taking too long to reply on a day-to-day basis or does not make much of an effort to want to be in contact with you, no matter how interested you might be, there is no need to double text or chase them. It is time to accept the reality that the person is not that interested or perhaps is “too busy” and to just keep it moving. Think about it: Is it really acceptable to be with someone who is here today and gone tomorrow? Is there a good reason for making excuses for someone’s lack of communication (aka lack of interest)? I always remind people that a delayed response or no response at all tends to speak volumes of their true intent or in this case, lack of intent. Trust me, if someone wants to track you down or reply to you, the person knows how to and has plenty of ways to get a hold of you.

Let me break it down in another way: If the other person drops the ball, it is not your responsibility to pick it up so don’t. Instead, let it roll away and be in the hands of someone who will want to pick it up. It is really that simple.

On a final note, the next time this happens to you, please don’t question why, please don’t feel bad about yourself, please don’t chase them, and please don’t invest any more of your mental energy–just remember to sing in your head Hall & Oate’s famous line, “You’re out of touch, I’m out of time.” ๐Ÿ˜‰ Then focus your attention elsewhere.

There is No Attachment Like Emotional Attachment – How To Get Someone to Build an Emotional Attachment Towards You

There are various forms of attachments that develop within any relationship but I truly believe that there is no attachment like an emotional attachment. If someone has a strong emotional attachment towards you, it is very unlikely that the person will leave you for someone else and there is a higher chance that the person will want to stay with you for the long haul. That is not to say that the relationship will last forever as you also need to mutually maintain the strength of this emotional attachment and bond; however knowing this and the ways to create it will make you more consciously aware of how to develop it moving forward. It can apply to a current relationship, a future one, or even someone you have a crush on at the moment.

I can tell you from personal experience, when I have an authentic and strong emotional attachment towards someone, I really do not and cannot look at anyone else in a romantic way. It always amazes me when someone has that emotional effect on me. I recognize it is not natural or easy for everyone to get someone emotionally attached, especially for someone not very in touch with their feelings or possessing a strong emotional intelligence (EQ). That is why I want to share what has worked on me and how I also work my magic ๐Ÿ˜‰ (haha half kidding) on getting someone emotionally attached to me.

Increase the Frequency of Contact – I find this to be one of the most important things to do when building an emotional attachment in both the early stages of getting to know someone and also maintaining this attachment over time. If you only talk to the person once every few days or once a week, chances are the person will not get super attached to you on an emotional level because there is too much time in between the times that you connect with each other. As the saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.” In other words, if you are barely in contact with the person, you will often times become forgettable. This is not to say that you want to increase the contact to the point where they hear from you too often as that can certainly detract the person altogether but finding a healthy balance that works for both of you is key.

I want to point out that if the person already likes you or has formed an emotional attachment towards you, not being in frequent contact could make the person think about you more as not being in touch creates an emotional longing towards you. However, this does not always mean they will stay attached to you as many people have small attention spans and there still needs to be some form of attention given in order to keep the attention on you.

Grand Gestures Go a Long Way – I would say grand gestures are not everything but I do think if you take the time to go the extra mile for someone and it is something of great meaning to that specific individual, then it is totally worth it and will leave a lasting impression on an emotional level. For example, a grand gesture can be if you go shopping and the person points out a desired style of jewelry within conversation and you insist on buying it as a gift on the spot or you might go back to purchase it for the person later because you know it is special. Although this might not appear as a grand gesture to everyone as some people feel entitled and expect this type of treatment, I equate this as a grand gesture as it goes above and beyond what is expected on a daily basis.

Pay Attention to the Little Things – Besides the grand gestures, the “little things” as I call it can be just as significant. Sometimes people do a great job with making people emotionally feel good on a bigger scale but then so terribly fail to recognize the little things that are of significance to them. Something as small as calling each other to say good night before bedtime every night can be very meaningful to someone as a way to connect emotionally even though it is not much to ask of someone. It is important to recognize what these little things are and actually finding ways to acknowledge them.

Do Something Extra Nice for No Reason – I think doing something special on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other special events is important and usually goes without saying. Depending on the person, these dates and events might not even be a big deal (again everybody is different). However, doing something special for no particular reason and just because you want to show you care about the person can be just as special or even more special. It can be something as small as leaving a handwritten note with a sweet message in an unexpected place where the person will find it or surprising them by delivering their favorite takeout meal to their workplace. These are not only nice surprises but often times will make the person feel very appreciated.

Physical Intimacy (That is NOT Sex) – When people hear physical intimacy, people automatically think sex but I want to point out that there are other forms of physical intimacy that do NOT involve sex and that many people do not put much of a focus on yet it can be so incredibly crucial in creating an emotional bond. Of course this will vary from individual to individual and I encourage people to not be afraid to straight up ask the other person (maybe not right away but in time) what their preferences are rather than assume what the other person likes to feel close.

Although this sounds like it should be categorized under physical attachment, I equate the right intimacy to turn into emotional attachment. Some examples of physical intimacy that is not sex include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and I would even say eye contact–as in the way the person looks at you. Something I find important although I know this might not apply to everyone as there are people who do not really like to be touched or caressed but I always have said, the way a person holds you can really make you feel that much closer to them. Again, at the end of the day, keep in mind people have different preferences so what makes me personally feel connected to someone might not work on someone else.

Build Upon Your Similarities – No one is going to be exactly like you but it is wise to find the things that you both share in common and to concentrate on them. The more similarities you have with one another, the more natural it will be for an emotional attachment to occur. If there are mutual hobbies, then plan activities that allow you to enjoy them together.

Create Life Experiences Together – I would generally say that any real quality time spent together will tend to create an emotional attachment but there is definitely a difference in the types of quality time spent such as watching a Netflix show together versus backpacking to Europe together. I am not saying you cannot do the basic everyday things but creating unique life experiences or doing fun things together that are out of the comfort of your home just takes quality time spent on a whole different level.

Have Intellectual and Deep Conversations – This is the emotional glue that keeps the bond together. When you have a meaningful conversation with someone, it not only allows for you to get to know the person on a deeper level but over time, this emotional attachment deepens as well. There is nothing wrong with having surface level conversations but when you take the time to really dig a few layers deep and get the person to share things they might not share with the average person or have shared with anyone before then there is a stronger likelihood the person will feel more emotionally connected to you by default.

Express Yourself in Words – People always underestimate the power of words but I think the right words can definitely create a deep emotional attachment. I know it is not easy for people to show their vulnerable side but it does not even have to be anything too heavy or over the top. Some of the most simple phrases can be incredibly effective such as:

– “I miss you.”
– “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
– “When can I see you again?”
– “I love spending time with you.”
– “I can’t wait to see you this weekend.”

(Think about it, who does not want to hear these expressions from someone they care about? Yeah, that’s what I thought).
The key is, it will NOT work if the other person has conveyed in so many words or actions that they do not have any feelings towards you whatsoever; however there are those rare instances where feelings can change over time so it is okay to still take that chance but it is better to scale it back a bit if the other person is not at the same emotional place as you. Some people might need more time or some just might be incapable of getting there with you personally (and that’s okay).

Make the Person Feel Good on Multiple Levels – I was not sure the best way to describe this but essentially make the person feel good both on the inside and outside. This can be done simply by complimenting them on a specific quality of theirs or their appearance. I would say extra brownie points if you are able to make the person feel good regarding something positive other people might fail to recognize about them including themselves.

If you utilize some of these strategies for building emotional attachment, you will be amazed at the results. The good news is, it is never too late to apply these techniques as it can strengthen a current relationship or help develop an emotional attachment from the very start of your next relationship.

Psychology of Unmet Needs and How it Affects Your Love Life

When it comes to love, there are many contributions as to what attracts you to one person over someone else. Partially these choices are made on a conscious level, a set of criteria that is more concrete such as wanting to be with someone with a certain level of education or religious background. These are conscious selections and essentially dating preferences that are of importance to you. However, even more of your love life is determined on a subconscious level in which it is not something you can really control unless you really examine your childhood and your past including past relationships. This leads me to the concept of “psychology of unmet needs.” I would describe this term as a psychological need(s) that holds value to you but has never been obtained before or it was and might have been taken away at some point of your life which has lead to you longing to fulfill it again in some way.

The psychology of unmet needs can overlap into many areas of your life but it can especially relate to your dating life and would explain why you gravitate towards a certain person or fall into a pattern of being attracted to the same types of people in your lifetime. I will provide a few examples to further illustrate this.

Examining a Person’s Childhood – No one comes from a perfect childhood so if you really examine it, you can discover a person’s unmet needs and as a result, knowing this will help you better understand what they are looking for within a relationship to compensate or make up for what was missing.

Example #1: If a girl grew up in a household that was very unstable and included some financial insecurities, chances are she will either become very motivated to become rich or she will desperately be seeking a partner who will be an exceptionally good provider and have a career that will ensure financial wealth. Typically, anyone who suffers from a lack of resources (basic necessities such as food or shelter) or has severe money problems (incapability to pay bills on time or keeping a steady job) will naturally be drawn to someone who has established wealth or is on the path of becoming very rich to compensate for this lack of financial stability. Many people like to stereotype all women as “gold diggers” but the truth of the matter is, if a woman grew up with resources where all her basic needs were met and/or she has her own successful career without ever facing any real money problems, she is not going to be as likely to be looking for a man to provide for her because it was never an unmet need of hers to begin with.

Example #2: Let’s say a boy grew up not feeling very good about himself and suffered from confidence issues due his perceived physical unattractiveness, his inability to receive validation from women, and neglect from his own parents. This is a pretty lengthy list of psychological unmet needs but by knowing all this, it makes it rather clear what he will most likely be seeking when he is looking for a potential mate. For starters, this is definitely the type of guy who is most inclined to be in search of a “trophy wife.” Due to his perceived physical unattractiveness (I say “perceived” because physical attractiveness is heavily influenced by one’s own perception of it), he will most likely develop a stronger need to find a woman that is very physically attractive and perhaps one who attracts a lot of attention from the outside world (remember–he never received enough attention growing up). This would further explain why he is more attracted to a “flashy” woman as opposed to a girl-next-door type because if he is associated with a girl who provokes much attention, then as a result, he will gain more attention and validation simply by dating her. He will also be most attracted to a woman who exudes a ton of confidence because he never felt confident in his youth. By being with a confident woman, he can ultimately elevate his own confidence level and this will make him feel even better about himself.

Talking About Past Relationships – It is healthy and normal to discuss reasons why a past relationship did not work out and you can usually find out the answer by directly asking someone. However, not everyone is as open about their past while others tend to hold things very close to their heart without disclosing too much of that information. In other words, the person can just be more private in nature or simply not want to talk about it openly in the event it was too painful or negative of an experience. If the direct approach does not work, then there is still an indirect way of still getting a sense as to why a past relationship did not work out.

Instead of straight up asking someone why their last relationship ended, by asking the person what qualities they are looking for when in a relationship, pay close attention to the given response because I guarantee you, some of the things mentioned as a necessity stems from a psychological unmet need from one of their past relationships. By reading between the lines, you can easily figure out what was missing from their last relationship just by asking what they are currently looking for.

Example #1: A guy has been dating a girl for a few weeks and the subject of past relationships comes up in conversation. He asks why her last relationship did not work out (direct approach). He finds out that her last boyfriend was not only selfish but that it was very much a one sided relationship. He never wanted to do the activities she wanted, he did not go out of his way to do things to make her happy, and everything had to be done his way without any compromises. The psychological unmet need was a healthy balance and equality within a relationship along with someone who possesses a caring disposition. In the future, this girl will most likely gravitate towards someone who will nurture and pamper her to make up for all the times she was not taken care of by her ex-boyfriend. This is very helpful information for the current guy as he does not want to make the same mistakes and will take the extra time to cater to her needs so that he can continue to date the girl and it will hopefully progress into a successful long term relationship.

Example #2: Often times during a first date, no one typically broaches the subject of past relationships as that is not always a pleasant topic and the initial conversations are usually more casual. Towards the end of a date, a girl asks what qualities are most important in a relationship (indirect approach). The guy’s response is heavily focused on the theme of trust and how he values that more than anything in a relationship. He begins his response by stating, “That is an easy answer: Trust. For me, if I can’t be with a girl I trust and I have to worry about what she is doing when she’s not around or she lies about both petty things and even more serious things, it just isn’t worth it in the long run. I do not believe anyone should have to go through a relationship having to question things all the time.” Translation: I have had a dating history where I could not trust a woman (and/or women) in my past because I had been lied to on multiple occasions and I often was left to wonder about a woman’s whereabouts or who she was with whenever we were apart. Think about it, it goes without saying that there needs to be trust in a healthy relationship between two people. If this guy is flat out explaining specific examples as to why “no one should have to go through this,” chances are because he personally has had to put up with this and he does not want to anymore moving forward. He does not specify cheating at all but it is possible he was also cheated on previously because often times people who were cheated on in their past have a stronger need for trust in their future relationships. Therefore, the psychological unmet need was trust and since it was unfilled, there is a much higher need for it versus someone who never experienced trust issues with someone in their past.

Taking the time to truly understand a person’s psychological unmet needs when pursuing a relationship is extremely beneficial in not only understanding the person better and creating a strong bond to each other but also as a way of gauging whether or not you are a good match for the future.

Chemistry vs. Compatibility – What is More Sustainable in the Long Run?

If you were to ask me about ten years ago, what do I look for when dating, I probably would have said something along the lines of “love at first sight” or that undeniable spark (chemistry). Fast forward to now, if someone were to ask me that same question, my response would be, “A male version of myself” (compatibility). Don’t worry, I will break it down and further delve back into the original topic. First we need to understand what the difference is between chemistry and compatibility.

Chemistry – In dating terms, I would describe chemistry as that emotional impulse and gravity you have towards a person without any force as it just comes natural from within. I think a good amount of chemistry is driven by your physical attraction towards someone; however, it is not strictly based on the physicality as there has to also be the emotional substance from the inside in addition to their outer appearance. In other words, you can meet a model who from the outside is pleasing to the eyes solely from a looks stand point but then you find that you have zero chemistry with that person once they begin a conversation with you. My point is, physical attraction is a component of chemistry but chemistry is NOT only physical attraction. It is still possible to have chemistry with someone who you might not even be super attracted to upon meeting at first but once you cross paths, that spiritual connection is immediate. It does not take you five dates to say to yourself, “Oh I *think* I like this person now.” Nah, closer to five seconds because you either feel it on the spot or you don’t.

So if physicality is only a component of chemistry, then how else would you describe it? I would say that chemistry is that feeling you have when it is as though you have known that person for many lifetimes. You can meet one time, instantly click, and easily converse with each other for hours. You do not even notice the time when you are with this person. The spiritual connection you have is deep. The key is, it is NOT a one sided spark, it is a MUTUAL spark. You both feed off each other’s energies and the chemistry is palpable enough where any outsider can not only see it with their own eyes but they feel it too. If it is a one sided spark, I cannot label it as chemistry because it has to be a personal connection that two people share on an extremely intense level.

Scenario #1 – [Chemistry]: You arrive at a party setting where you are faced with many people you have never met before. It is crowded and dark but out of the corner of your eye, you see a guy you never saw before and he caught your attention. He is the only person at the party that was able to appear on your radar and you can’t help but do a double take as you wonder with fixated curiosity, “Who is that?” You then try to observe to the best of your ability to see if he is with someone only to find it looks as though he is single as well. Moments later you lock eyes from afar, now you are hooked on a feeling. A feeling that holds no meaning because you do not know a thing about this person. As luck or fate would have it (you can be the judge of that), this guy shows up in the forefront of your vision and he comes up to introduce himself. Not only is he even better looking in person, once the conversation ignites, it is even more apparent that you both are in an emotional trance with each other sparked by an initial attraction. Hours go by and when the night ends (or perhaps leads into morning since there is no sense of time after all), you both are left with a fervent feeling of bliss questioning when will you get to see each other again while also knowing with one hundred percent certainty that this will not be the last time because this is only the beginning.

Based on the series of events, it goes without saying that this is an idyllic and rather ideal dating scenario. For most people, I think this does not happen all too often so when it does, it actually leaves a lasting imprint on your emotions. Personally, I hardly encounter meeting someone that evokes that intense feeling to begin with. That in and of itself is rare but it can happen and when it does, you know it when you stumble across it. Even if I do meet a person who I feel that connection with, it does not always lead to it being taken a step further where I get the opportunity to have a conversation with that person in which it is not chemistry unless the other person feels that mutual magnetic pull as well. As I mentioned, it has to be a shared desire to want to explore each other and see if both emotional energies flow together. The physical draw is often the easy part to determine but it is the depth of the emotional attraction that qualifies it as chemistry.

Compatibility – Compatibility is measured by how similar you are to another person. There are endless components of compatibility in which I will make a list of some important ones (in no particular order as each individual’s priorities will vary) although I think there are many more besides the ones I listed.

Life GoalsDo you have similar life goals and expectations for how you will live your life along with a similar time frame to accomplish these goals?
Religion/ValuesDo you share the same religious beliefs?
FinancesDo you both have similar spending/saving habits?
Location/HomeDo you both want to reside in the same area and envision the same type of home?
Health/WellnessDo you have similar eating/exercise habits?
Leisure TimeDo you both spend your free time in similar ways and enjoy doing some of the same activities?
Family TimeDo you both have similar preferences with how much time you enjoy spending with your own family and their family?
TogethernessDo you both have similar preferences with how much time you spend together and independently by yourself?
Marriage/ChildrenDo you both see marriage and children in your future?
PetsDo you want to have pets and if so, how many and which animal(s)?

The list above features some key components when examining how much compatibility exists between two people. No two individuals are going to be exactly identical in terms of how much they share in common but the things that matter most should hopefully be somewhat similar when you are in a relationship driven by compatibility.

Scenario #2 – [Compatibility]: You are at Madison Square Garden about to see one of your favorite bands perform. This is your first time seeing them live and you end up going solo because you could not find anyone available to go but you did not want to miss out on a great show. You are in line to buy a drink and the person in front of you is wearing a hoodie with a university logo of the school that you went to. You do not strike a conversation with the person upon making this observation as this person appeared to be with a small group of people and it is not like he had left much of a lasting impression. As luck or fate would have it (again–you can be the judge of that), it turns out this guy and his group of friends are sitting in the same row as you. They have to get up so you can get to your seat and they all start talking to you since you are by yourself. The guy with the university logo hoodie graduated the same year as you and you find out that you have some mutual friends although you never met him before. He moved to the same area as you to take a job and since he is not too familiar with the area, he suggests getting together in the future. You only look at him as a friend but figured why not as you want to accept the friendly gesture. Before meeting up again, in the meantime you keep in touch via text to find out that you have much more in common than liking the same music, living in the same town, going to the same college, and even having some mutual acquaintances. It turns out that you both have a dog, have the same religious background, belong to the same gym, and enjoy playing golf on the weekends. You begin to ponder in admiration, “Is it possible to have this much in common with someone that I just met?” Despite all the commonalities, you are not so easily convinced yet this could lead to anything romantic given you did not really feel that kind of physical nor emotional spark when you first met at the concert but at the same time, you feel a level of comfort knowing you both share so much in common to begin with.

Despite a level of uncertainty whether there is any underlying romance, at least it is certain that there are many similarities that would bring two people together. As the common saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” I think it sometimes can be easier to meet someone that has a lot in common with you, especially in a scenario like this when meeting at a concert in which you already know you share similar music interests and potentially other things in common that go way beyond music.

Now understanding the difference between chemistry and compatibility, what is more important in terms of guaranteeing a more happy relationship in the long run? Of course the simple answer is, the relationship needs both chemistry and compatibility–there is no disputing that. Of course you do want both to some degree. Personally, I do not think I could date someone where the chemistry is non existent and the physical attraction level is below the fifty percent mark no matter how much we have in common. I also do not think it is healthy to rely too heavily on chemistry because over time, you might find you have almost nothing in common. Chemistry (unfortunately) can often times be blinding. You can naturally get too caught up in a moment with someone and think they are everything you could ever want in a romantic partner (that is the first mistake as no one can be that perfect or fulfill your every relationship requirement) and eventually, that feeling can slowly fade away over time once your true differences start to rise to the surface. More often than not, those differences can cause friction on any relationship and one to deteriorate altogether, even a bond that seemingly was so loving in those very early stages of the courtship.

Which leads me to the final point that compatibility is the foundation of any fulfilling long term relationship and when choosing a future life partner. Yes, there should be some level of natural chemistry and attraction towards one another but the relationship cannot survive on just chemistry alone. More importantly, compatibility on various degrees needs to be established which are determined by what you prioritize most in a relationship.

Why I Only Date Introverts and The Hidden Benefits Behind Dating Them

I shouldn’t say I “only” date introverts because of course I have been open minded throughout my dating life and have dated various personalities. However, if I were to look at the majority of the people I have dated, then yes, I date “mostly” introverts and yes, I am naturally most attracted to them.

For starters, I am an extrovert which means that I get the most energy from when I am surrounded by people. I think often times people get confused between whether or not they are an extrovert or an introvert because many people feel as though they can be both depending on the situation. Do I enjoy being by myself and my alone time? Of course I do like most people but when you look at the bigger picture, the truth of the matter is that I am a true extrovert at heart. To exemplify this: I love meeting new people, I have no problem going to a place where I don’t know anyone, I love going to social gatherings (weddings, parties, concerts, you name it), and I can chat to pretty much anyone in any given situation. A prior boss once told me that I missed my calling in life in which I should have become a journalist–he would compare me to Barbara Walters.

When it comes to dating, I genuinely believe that the contrast between an extrovert and an introvert is the most ideal dating scenario because they truly compliment each other and their dynamic just seems to balance each other out in the long run. If you know you are an introvert, you might not find this article as beneficial as I would tell you reasons why you should go date an extrovert; however, if you want to keep reading this so you know why you are awesome and why people should date you, then without further ado, you can keep reading. ๐Ÿ˜‰

You are probably wondering what is wrong with two extroverts dating or two introverts dating. Of course there is nothing wrong with that dating situation and it could very well work out because they can relate to each other but it just comes down to a matter of your personal preference. As an extrovert, I find dating my own kind to be somewhat of an annoyance. We both want to talk all the time, we both have too many social functions to go to that conflict with one another, and we both possess a little too much social energy. Two introverts will have the opposite issues where they might not have much to say to each other with some awkward moments of silence or they simply will just never get together to begin with.

What attracts me most about introverts:

  • Introverts are exceptionally great listeners. For someone who has a lot to say all the time, it is rather refreshing to be with someone who listens but actually soaks in everything I am saying. They tend to remember better than I do things that I told them and can recall anything I have once said. There is never a need to repeat anything because they were fully engaged and listening the first time.
  • It might be a little bit more of a challenge to get to know one at first as they can be a more guarded and appear shy but this aura of mystique makes them rather attractive. For me personally, I believe it is this quality that on a subconscious level that gets me more intrigued and provokes me to start the process of getting to know them. I have always joked that if I am in a classroom setting, I am always drawn to that quiet kid in the corner. The one who doesn’t say too much yet typically possesses that cool confidence. This quietness in itself spikes my curiosity and grabs my attention (often times, less is more, isn’t it?) to want to know more.
  • Typically an introvert will have a much smaller social circle than an extrovert so if an introvert gets to know you and chooses you to be a part of their social circle, it truly means something and as a result, they are exceptionally loyal to you. This is not to say that an extrovert is not loyal or that just because they have a bigger social circle, they are incapable of prioritizing their significant other, it is just that introverts seem to be more selective with the people they allow to be a part of their lives. I value this quality because I like to feel as though I was personally selected to be their partner. I equate this to not only mean that I’m special to them but that I must add a high value to their life.
  • I find most introverts to be some of the most emotionally balanced and relaxed people out there. They tend to adapt and go with the flow pretty easily and handle any situation in the most calm way possible. This is such an underrated quality within dating but one that should be recognized and not be left unnoticed.
  • Introverts are usually very committed to their relationships and are truly there for you when you need them. I find when you ask them for something, whatever it is, they will make the effort to follow through–unless it is making them go to a social function they don’t want to go to, then that might be a struggle and a time they are more resistant but other than that, they are happy to do pretty much anything for you and I love that about them.
  • Since introverts legitimately enjoy their alone time, they will totally respect your space and your needs for your own personal time for self. I don’t think I can ever think of a time that I dated an introvert that was clingy or demanded too much of my time. Although I am an extrovert, I still very much value my independence and doing certain things without my significant other. Introverts seem to be very much okay with that as I think they mutually expect the same in return and do not like to feel smothered in any way.

Honestly, I cannot say enough good things about introverts. This is why I’ll always gravitate towards them and want to be with one. Even though I already know that when an introvert chooses to be with me, it is genuine and I am hand selected to be with them, I can honestly say in return that I would not want it any other way either. ๐Ÿ™‚

Why I Don’t Believe in Ghosting and What You Should be Doing Instead

In the context of modern dating, ghosting has become very much a common phenomenon. Essentially it is when a person you have established a connection with or perhaps are seriously dating completely falls off the face of the earth. This can happen in various forms but I would say the most popular is via text as this is the easiest way to casually stay in contact with someone which makes it even easier to go cold turkey and completely stop responding to the messages altogether. To officially label it as ghosting, it has to be a current scenario where there was a period of daily communication with the person and after a few failed attempts, the person without warning just disappears.

If an actual emotional connection had been established on either end and/or you were seeing the person consistently, I do not think it is ever appropriate to ghost someone once you made a firm decision on your terms that you no longer want to talk or get together with the person anymore. I view the act of ghosting as a sea of many negative things: selfish, cowardly, cold, immature, and insensitive just to name a few.

In a situation where you met the person one time or there was truly no connection to begin with, a valid reason as to why you no longer want to talk to the person might not be necessary and yes, you do not owe an explanation in those circumstances. However, if you were connected in any way whether it be emotionally, spiritually, or physically, I think the right thing to do instead of ghosting is to just be one hundred percent transparent and straight up with the person. Even if you know that it might not be what the other person wants to hear, at the very least you earn a level of respect for being straightforward while also saving the other person their mental sanity and time from analyzing the situation more than is needed to do so. I don’t fully understand why it is difficult for people to express with their words that there no longer is an interest or whatever the specifics may be. I know it might appear harsh or you might fear you are hurting the person’s feelings but you are ultimately helping the person by telling the truth than to just ignore the person without a reason. I think ignoring someone is way more hurtful than just delivering the hard truth.

For me personally, as the saying goes, “honesty is the best policy” and this should apply to most everything in life including your personal relationships. I do not think I can ever think of a time I ever ghosted someone because I just do not see it as the morally right thing to do to someone if the person liked me on some deeper level and was emotionally invested in any way. The times I was not interested in really seeing someone anymore, I would just spell it out and give an explanation. It does not have to be a super drawn out explanation either. I think open communication is always more effective in the long run and it is more beneficial to give someone proper closure than to make someone question what happened or be left in a state of confusion as to what lead up to the demise of the relationship.

So the next time you are in a dating situation, relationship, or even friendship that you would like to end altogether, rather than ghosting or running away from the situation, just find a way to be honest with yourself and the other person. Remember, you are doing everyone a favor by simply expressing your true intentions.

Single Ladies – How You Should be Dating in 2020 and Beyond

No matter what decade it is, dating will always be a hot topic; however I think it definitely has changed over time due to various factors including technology, culture, and the ever evolving fast paced society we live in. When I examine the history of my own dating life, a lot has definitely changed over the course of my lifetime. When I went to high school, social media did not even exist yet so the concept of meeting someone behind a computer screen or even a cell phone (FYI–I did not own my first cell phone until I was a junior in high school) was not a very common practice as compared to how it is today. Yes, there was internet, AOL Instant Messaging along with other messaging apps on the computer, and public chat rooms (on a sidenote–does anyone in today’s generation even know what that was?). In regards to online dating, I just did a Google search to find that the first dating site was Match.com which existed as far back as 1995. This is definitely news to me but online dating was not the mainstream way of how people met people for a date back in the day. Nowadays, you can download a dating app on your cell within minutes, create a quick profile featuring your very best selfies, thumb swipe some potential candidates, and once there are some mutual matches, within a few message exchanges later, you have a date lined up for that upcoming Saturday night. Sounds pretty easy, right? Aside from the convenience of having access to meeting new people right at your finger tips, there still is the old fashioned way of meeting someone in real life. Perhaps at your favorite coffee shop, where you go to school, or even through mutual friends. The aspect of finding new people to meet in the dating world is not the hard part but actually finding a quality partner you want to date or a meaningful relationship with someone is where the struggle lies for most women in today’s society.

Many women can attest that the modern dating script goes something like this: A woman meets a guy that she has developed a connection with on some level and often times is physically attracted to. Things are progressing seemingly well as they are seeing each other on a regular basis and communicating via text on a daily basis or at the very least a few times within the week. As more time is being invested, this leads to a deeper emotional attachment to the guy but yet there is no clear sign of what direction the relationship is going. This uncertainty provokes the woman out of confusion and a need for clarity along with a sense of security to question at some point where their relationship is going. She might try to probe with the classic, “What are we?” conversation only to find out from the guy, “It’s not like that” or “I’m not looking for a relationship.” Whatever the response may be, the bottom line is, he is NOT your boyfriend and most likely will never be looking to obtain that title in relation to you. You might be left wondering why–but does it really even matter? Is it going to change the outcome knowing the actual reason(s)? The answer is no.

To avoid this dating mistake altogether and as hard as this is in particular for women to follow this rule, my advice is this: Make a conscious effort to NOT develop an emotional attachment to one man in the very early stages of meeting him until it is established that you are very well in a meaningful relationship with that person or on some type of path leading to that during the course of your courtship–if that is what you are ultimately looking for. I know easily said than done but trust me on this one, it will save you time and emotional hardship in the long run.

The good news is, I have some dating tips on how this can be accomplished moving forward.

  • If you are totally single, you should absolutely be dating multiple people at once. I know if any man is reading this, they are cringing right about now so I’m sorry but at the same time–I’m not sorry. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Seriously though, what is wrong with keeping a few options on the table? Men naturally do this all the time when dating women so why can’t a woman be doing the same in her own dating life? Going on dates and meeting new people should be fun so you might as well enjoy it while you can by exploring what is really out there. The reason I strongly advocate this way of thinking is because it also will further develop your abundance mentality. If you start to think more along the lines of, “the sky’s the limit,” then trust me, more options will begin to surface because you have the mindset to attract abundance which in this case means more available men who want to date you. If you leave yourself to think that this current guy is the one and only, this scarcity mindset will prevent you from really opening the door to other men to come into your life and want to be a part of it.

    In addition, if you have multiple options available at one time then this will keep your mind preoccupied so that you will not over commit yourself to one guy who chances are is not fully investing in you. Women have the tendency to be all in way too soon with a man which is foolish because why should a man have that privilege without earning your love and locking you down in a committed relationship? Ultimately this is all about maintaining your emotional stability and preventing you from getting too attached to one single man at any given moment during the dating process.
  • You should always be focusing on self and your independent life between your career, hobbies, social life, and passions. If you keep yourself busy, you won’t get too caught up too soon because you are in love with the life you are currently living–with or without a man. If you are not at that stage where you are feeling good about your life, you need to really dig deep and figure out what things will provide you with that intrinsic happiness. Often times people get too dependent on someone else providing them happiness but this it not healthy because it really needs to come from within first.
  • As soon as it is established that “it’s not like that” then the best thing you can do is just walk away from the situation altogether. This can be done in a variety of ways: 1) You can immediately place this guy in the friend zone or 2) completely delete their number so you can make space for the right person who is more in alignment with your relationship goals. There is nothing wrong with keeping that person as a friend if you have mutual interests and like to spend time together from time to time but now you no longer have to over commit your time and energy towards this person. It might sound harsh to delete their number from your phone but it is not like they would know unless you told them. I also believe that physically deleting their number is like spiritually on some level deleting that person from being in the forefront of your mind and setting the boundary that they are not a permanent fixture in your life. There are actually some people I dated for a short time that to this day contact me out of the blue every so often but I do not even have their numbers saved in my phone anymore. It is nothing personal to that specific individual but I just do not feel the need to have their number permanently saved if I do not really talk or see that person all too often.

I can speak from experience that consciously detaching from the outcome of the dating scenario simply by just enjoying the natural dating process, keeping some options open at the same time (only when I am single that is, obviously not while I am in a relationship), and staying busy within my own life allows me to be in control of my emotional well being while providing a sense of empowerment where I continue to write my own dating script and manifest my own outcomes. I hope these dating tips will motivate women to adapt to a new set of dating rules and a way of thinking that will bring you closer to your very own relationship goals and attract the love you deserve in your life.