Monthly Archives: January 2021

Never Reward Uncertainty From the Start of Any Relationship – Kindly Keep It Moving Instead

When it comes to modern dating, I find that most people seek the most advice regarding those early getting-to-know-each-other-stages of the relationship. Two people are “getting to know each other” but there seems to be delays in communication and just straight up confusion regarding the flow of the relationship (or often times the lack thereof). What this spells out to me is: Uncertainty. Let’s throw all emotions aside and think with a rational head right now: Do you want to start a relationship with someone who is there but not really? Here today, gone tomorrow? Leaves you wondering, “Where is this going?” I hope the answer to this is a FIRM NO. Now I know your immediate thought is that I am being harsh and I do not know your personal situation to make that judgment call. Yes, I do not know your personal situation but I have enough information to know that the answer is still no and I am here to explain why.

Time is one of our most precious resources. The way in which we invest our time and in this case, who we invest our time with very much matters. It is for this reason, I do not feel it is right to lead people on and have no problem flat out telling someone I am not interested in anything romantic even if it could hurt someone’s feelings because I know it is the right thing to do for the greater good — I am saving both myself and the other person their time and energy that they could be putting elsewhere. It is for this reason, I fully respect someone who can operate on the same level of transparency and directness. However, as many of us know from experience, most people are very vague with their interactions and might choose to be less direct as a way to guard the other person’s feelings.

If you are dating someone who seems semi interested but it is still left very much uncertain, do not reward uncertainty with your time and attention–kindly just keep it moving. I say kindly because there is no need to guilt trip the other person, constantly contact them to remind them of your existence, or react negatively towards the other person due to a lack of emotional control. This not only conveys dignity and self respect on your end but it also conveys a high level of SELF WORTH. Why? A person who knows they are worth it will surely NOT stick around and wait for the other person to be ready for them. This person recognizes that they have a lot to offer and will save it for someone who is going to value them as much as they value self. Given the option, this person would rather walk away from the situation instead of settling on someone’s uncertainty towards them. If you currently do not have the self love and strength to be this person, make a conscious effort to shift your mindset and over time, it will become more automatic for you to make these decisions while also attracting the right people into your life who will positively enhance yours thanks to the Law of Attraction–(trust me it works but you need to believe me first). 😉

Want to Make a Life Change? – 3 Absolute Necessities to Make It Happen

Although this is the time you might be thinking about resolutions and life changes, we all know that you can decide to make a positive shift in your life at any point of the year. However, although people might have the best intentions to do so, often times people fall short by giving up way too soon, not doing anything about it to begin with, and/or were never really too serious about making the change to begin with. This is why it is important to focus on these three things to manifest the change:

Deep Desire – People want many things within their lifetime but the real question is, how badly do you really want these things? For example, many people aspire to lose weight and stay in shape. However, if you do not want it that badly then chances are, you will never get the results you are looking to achieve. A person who is serious about making a change is going to ask, what sacrifices are going to be needed to actually reach the end goal? This question stems from their burning passion from within. When you have a deep desire to achieve something, you will be amazed how much your will power will kick up to high gear along with a focused state of mind.

Belief in Self – I think the biggest setback people often face is self. If you do not strongly believe you can make the life change, think it will require too much work, do not feel you are deserving, or whatever the hesitation might be on your end, then chances are, it will never happen. This is why it is ESSENTIAL that you actually believe you can make it happen. Again, you do not need to know exactly when or how right now to get there but you need to really believe that you can acquire it. If you do not fully believe this on your own, then I recommend relying on people in your life who can positively support you and writing down some affirmations on cards that you can read daily to serve as a reminder and as a way to sink into your subconscious mind.

Execute Action – I always emphasize desiring and believing are the first steps of the process of manifestation but it cannot stop there because that simply is not enough–it is only the start. This is where you need to actually execute action by forming new habits and taking the steps needed to get to your final goal of making the life change. As a preliminary step, writing out an actual action plan can be incredibly beneficial. It will lay out a guideline of the actions needed to manifest exactly what you want. It also provides you a place to track your progress over time and check off everything you have accomplished along the way throughout the journey to completion.

The 5 Love Languages – What They Are and My Overall Thoughts

The concept of the 5 Love Languages has been around for quite some time and I just had to Google it now for the exact year (if you do not feel like clicking on the link, the answer is 1992). I actually never took the time to examine the love languages until more recent years as people have asked me how I felt about them and if I knew what my love language was.

My initial thought when I read what they were was, well aren’t they all important in a meaningful relationship? I mean seriously, they all sound valuable and key components of any strong relationship. However, as I really thought about it more thoroughly, I realized that actually, the love languages can definitely vary from person-to-person with someone prioritizing one love language way over another along with someone else not really caring about a love language in its entirety. Even looking upon my prior dating experiences, I do recall breaking up with someone who I knew greatly cared about me with the reason being, “I just don’t feel the love in which I need it.” I never said, “I’m breaking up because our love languages are not the same.” I did not even know much about the love languages at this time; however, when thinking about it, that was very much the truth and bottom line for the break up: Our love languages did not match.

It is for this reason, I think it is wise to examine the different love languages for both a better understanding of yourself along with better equipping yourself for the dating world when you are in a relationship. I believe taking the time to understand your partner’s love languages can go a long way in terms of the overall success of the relationship. So what are the five love languages?

Words of Affirmation – This love language involves expressing love through words such as compliments, words of appreciation, and verbal support. A person who values this love language will enjoy a hand written card and appreciate a well thought out text message.

Quality Time – A person who loves quality time is someone who cherishes creating memories with their partner and having actual time spent with each other. This can also include quality time spent talking on the phone, doing activities, and having meaningful conversations.

Acts of Service – The expression, “Actions speak louder than words” best applies to someone who chooses acts of service as their love language. They like when a person does something nice for them to show that they care.

Gifts – This love language is about the act of gift giving with more of an emphasis of the meaning and thoughtfulness of the gift more than the monetary value. A person who prizes this likes to receive gifts as it serves as a more visual representation of love.

Physical Touch – People who enjoy physical touch as their love language like physical signs of affection such as cuddling, kissing, hand holding, etc. This can include sex as well. The specific type of physical affection most valued can vary but a person with this love language feels most loved when physical touch is involved.

All in all, I think the theory behind the love languages holds some validity in terms of how couples can express love towards one another; however, I do believe there are many more variables within a relationship to determine its overall longevity and success. For example, you might have two people who share the same exact love languages but if they are not compatible to begin with, it probably will not last over time. I believe sharing the same love languages can be extremely beneficial but that there are many other components within the relationship to further examine.

If You Are Not the Person You Want to Be – 5 Steps to Get You Closer

As we step into yet another new year, we often think this is the time to come up with some resolutions with the mindset that this is going to be our greatest year yet. The truth of the matter is, our lives are constantly a work in progress and essentially a masterpiece we are creating one stroke at a time, in other words each and every day. The beginning of a new year is a great time to refocus on what we are looking to achieve while for some it might be a good time to press the reset button and start something entirely new.

Another thought to consider is, who are you today and who is the person that you want to become? After digging deep and thinking about that, the next thought is to ask yourself, how do you become that person and what is it going to take to do so? In order to become the person you aspire to be, here are five things you can do to build yourself up:

Have a Vision – Everything starts with a vision. You need to start by proactively thinking about the life you want to live including the life experiences and lifestyle you want to acquire. It should excite you just thinking about the vision within your mind, the more vivid the better.

Write It Down – As much as it is important to create the thoughts in your mind, thinking and talking about anything is not the same as actually writing it down. That is why I advise taking the time to write down in a journal or an index card specifically who you want to be and taking it a step further by planning out ways you can achieve this.

Create Affirmations – If you have never taken the time to write affirmations about yourself, this is a great time to start. Affirmations are powerful because they are statements you are declaring about yourself. Even if you do not fully believe in what you are writing right now, it will sink in your mind over time if you repeat them in order to start believing them.

Improve Your Habits – In order to become a better person or get better at anything, focusing on your habits and improving them is key. I also recommend finding a way to track your progress as this holds you more accountable and you can see your growth over time.

Study the People You Admire – Is there someone in your life whom you greatly respect or perhaps a famous person whom you admire? This is a good opportunity to learn about them by taking some mental notes on how they live their lives and then applying what they do to better your own life while continuing to look up to them as a role model.

A Time to Reflect – What I Do on Every New Year’s Day

For starters, happy new year! 🙂 The years go by so fast that it is really hard to believe a new year is upon us. The year 2020 was a year that presented many challenges but on the positive side, we can all learn very much from these challenges. It took many of us out of our comfort zones which I do not view as a bad thing because this tests our inner strength and can only make us stronger. I am not dismissing the fact that 2020 was a rough year on so many of us but just acknowledging that we can still find good things rather than only focus on the negatives.

New Year’s Day for me is a time of solitude and reflection. This is not to say that I stay isolated all day as I am sure I can recall previous years where I was surrounded by others on New Year’s Day but more often than not, I usually find a good portion of the day to just be by myself. I find that it is calming and it spiritually energizes me to look at where I am today while focusing on where I want to be tomorrow. Whether it is a new year or not, I always want to be progressing in life and if I am going to fall, I’m surely going to fall forward.

I also take the time on New Year’s Day to write a letter to myself. I cannot recall when exactly I started this New Year’s tradition but I am going to say this started at least ten years ago by this point. It is never a long letter but I tend to write about where I am at that moment on that day and also write where I predict I will be a year later. I find it really interesting to read the letter a year later because it captures that moment in time while also seeing how much changes from year-to-year. Although many areas of my life stay relatively stable, I do find my life from one year to the next can be rather unpredictable. (Ex: I think we can all agree that there was no way we could have predicted that we would be living through a pandemic right now).

Although many people might not be too fond of writing, I recommend taking some time out of your day to write a New Year’s letter to yourself. You can write about anything such as where you are right now in life, what you see in your future, and whatever is of relevance to you at the present moment. There are no specific guidelines as to how to do this as this is a personal letter that you are writing to yourself and for no one else to read (personally–I never share the letter with anyone). After you write the letter, you can seal it and store it in a safe place to not be opened until January 1st, 2022. I find the thought of what the first day of the year 2022 is hard for me to fathom right now but it is intriguing thinking about next year on the first day of the current new year.