I notice many people face situations where they are in what appears to be a one-sided relationship or perhaps a relationship that is on the brink of falling apart. Rather than walking away or giving the other person space, they chase even more which tends to drive the other person even further away. When you feel like you are losing someone, it can be a natural inclination for you to go after the other person and find ways to make it up to them. In certain situations, that might be effective but the majority of the time, there is a better solution: Walk away.

If the other person flat out tells you that they want space, that they are not interested, find ways to ghost you, send messages of uncertainty, or are already dating someone else, I think it goes without saying that you are wasting your time. I recognize that for many, when your ego is on the line and you are already emotionally too invested, this is the last thing you want to hear. You want to believe that there is still hope, that things can change for better if you are patient enough, and with a positive mindset that you have the capacity to win the other person over so that you can live happily ever after. This is where I want you to take a step back, think with a rational mind, and really dig deep to answer some important questions.

Why do you want to invest your energy in someone who has made it clear that they do not feel the same way about you?

Do you truly feel good chasing someone who does not value you in the same way you value them?

Why are you willing to settle for less than you deserve in a relationship?

The underlying issue is not the other person but more so about how you feel about yourself. A person of high self worth is NOT going to wait around for someone who is not investing in them in return. They do not need to be told twice to back off and already kept it moving a long time ago. They also know when to walk away and not come back.

Your initial thought might be, if I walk away, will the person ever come back to me? You should never have to ask this question as you should choose someone who will also choose you in return. If you do have to ask this question, then chances are you already know the answer. The other person most likely will not come back to you if they have moved on or simply are not interested. If this ends up being the case, you need to accept that as the outcome because that is the reality. There is no need to dwell on why or what can be done to change this. Instead, invest your energy in other areas of your life that will provide you a greater return and positively increase your emotional well being.

On the other hand, keep in mind that walking away can also allow for the other person to come back. It gives the other person space and time to reflect on what they want while also providing absence for them to miss you. They might also respect and value you more over time because you are showing that you are not in need of them while also respecting their boundaries. While it can be very difficult to remove someone whom you care about when all you want to do is hear from them and gain their validation, you need to trust the process that if you let them go, let them be the one to come back to you if that is what they truly want as opposed to forcing them to choose you. It is healthy and can be better in the long run in strengthening a relationship by giving each other time apart before ultimately getting back together later in time. However, you might also want to take into consideration, do you really want to be with someone who needs time apart to be away from you in order to be attracted to you and/or want to be with you again in the future? That is something only you could be the one to answer.

I often times come across people who are in relationships that are on and off. One moment, things are great followed by another day they are broken up. Then the next thing you know, they are back together. There are also scenarios where a relationship is not progressing in any way and it just stays stagnate. Two people go through the motions of being in some sort of “relationship” but at the end of the day either one person or maybe even both do not genuinely see a future but keep it going because they have nothing better going on or maybe just cannot handle the idea of being single. Whatever the situation may be, it is clear these are all relationships with the same outcome–a dead end.

These are definitely not ideal relationships to be in and there are ways to avoid them in its entirety with a conscious effort on your part:

Make a List of Your Relationship Goals – It is always recommended to write goals regarding your career and professional life, so why not write a list of goals in regards to your personal life? Within this list, be specific and focus on all the things you want in a relationship. Also more importantly, specify the things you will not tolerate so that it becomes crystal clear when you come across these things, you will not stay in the relationship and it becomes much more automatic to know when to move on permanently.

Set Boundaries When People Try to Come Back – It is inevitable that people will test your limitations and try to walk into your life like nothing happened. It is your responsibility to set the boundaries by either expressing that you do not want to work things out, keeping communication to an absolute minimum, or simply by stating to that person what your actual boundaries are so they do not try to overstep them. Although sometimes it can be uncomfortable, it is healthy to have a direct conversation with the other person because usually the person is not a mind reader and might not know exactly where they stand in your life.

Know When to Apply No Contact – The power of no contact is essential yet many people never apply it because they are too weak or just do not want to hurt the other person’s feelings. As drastic of this may sound, sometimes a no contact approach is the best solution for various reasons. For starters, no contact provides space in your life to attract the right relationship to manifest versus holding onto a dead end relationship which is setting back your current status along with your future. In addition, when something is over, it truly is best to keep it that way rather than constantly revisiting it knowing that the outcome is never going to change for the better or within anyone’s favor.