Monthly Archives: July 2020

Jealousy is Wasted Energy – Where it Stems From and How to Overcome These Feelings

Leave a reply

As I stated in the title of this blog: Jealousy is wasted energy. However, why are certain people more prone to feeling jealous of others and is there such thing as someone being born with a more jealous personality over someone else? I always tell people that I do not have a jealous personality and I don’t get jealous of others. Maybe as a kid, it is normal to feel jealous every so often but it is such a temporary feeling that I cannot really recall really having those intense feelings towards others.

Unfortunately, I do encounter people who are jealous individuals (I’m sure we all do in our everyday lives) and people who have flat out told me, “I am jealous of you because [insert whatever the reason could be].” Personally, it makes me feel very uncomfortable to be around people that potentially could be jealous of me because I never want to evoke those negative feelings inside of someone and it also makes me question if I want to have someone like that in my life as I want to surround myself around positive energy only-people who I could rely on as being a part of my support system and wanting what is best for me.

So where exactly does jealousy stem from? People who feel jealous of other people are individuals who have a very low sense of self worth, lack confidence, and face underlying insecurities that could have developed as young as childhood or that they currently face within their adult lives. Think about it, if you are secure in who you are as a person, why would there ever be a need to be jealous of someone else? When I come across a person who is jealous, I always encourage the person to really look at themselves in the mirror and determine the bigger issue of why they have insecurities from within and what can be done to fix these internal issues.

How to overcome jealousy? As I mentioned, I think the first step is to really find ways to fix your current life circumstances and find ways to build your own self esteem. In order to do this, you need to focus on your own hobbies/passions along with finding your life’s purpose that brings you an abundance amount of personal fulfillment (FYI–this does not always mean a full time career as for some, perhaps being an exceptional parent is your life goal or giving back to the community through volunteer work). Pursuing the things you love in life will enhance your self worth which will ultimately allow you to possess a higher level of self confidence. From there, it will then come natural to let go of any feelings of jealousy that you might have been previously experiencing. Here are some additional ways to make an effort to combat these feelings:

– Focus on your life by staying in your own lane – Listen, we all individually are on a different life path with different timelines, different life circumstances, and just a different series of events. Even if you try to emulate someone else’s life such as a family member, friend, or someone you idolize, it probably won’t turn out exactly the same anyhow. If you consciously stay within your own lane by focusing on creating your life path the way you want to lead it, then you should be able to create your own sense of happiness in knowing what your personal road lies ahead. If you feel you are not where you want to be at a certain stage in your life even when you are putting the necessary action and effort, my best advice is to still continue to trust the process that your life will unfold at the time that it is meant to and to not give up. Again, anything in life that is worthwhile is going to be a long road without any shortcuts, so continue to stay in your lane without going off the track and stay positive! 🙂

– Don’t compare yourself to others (on social media especially) – Of course people present themselves in the best light possible, especially on social media profiles to project this picture perfect lifestyle. The truth of the matter is, no one’s life is perfect and what you see is not always the reality anyhow. So just because you see someone doing things that you want to be doing does not mean that their life is sunshine and rainbows all the time. Some of the people who appear to be living their best lives are actually some of the most unhappy and insecure people out there so just stop comparing yourself to these people. Who really cares? If this means you need to deactivate your account or spend less time on social media because it is making you feel bad about yourself, then I highly suggest you get rid of it altogether or do not get into the habit of scrolling to see what other people are up to all the time.

– Be happy for others at all times – Seriously, I think people need to take the time to be happy for others, especially for other people’s accomplishments as opposed to putting yourself in a state of personal competition with someone else. It is just good karma, plain and simple. I think when you choose to support others and wish people the best, you are only attracting more positive energy into your own life. If you shift your mental focus to a more positive mindset altogether, you also will find yourself not having these feelings of jealousy anymore.

The next time you catch yourself starting to feel jealous, take a moment to examine your own feelings of inadequacy and ways you can work on this within yourself. If this means seeking professional help or just talking to someone who can uplift your spirits, I highly recommend that you take the time to do so. Aside from working on yourself, I hope the tips listed above will make you more consciously aware of ways to overcome your feelings of jealousy as this is definitely something you can get rid of in its entirety if you want to make this a permanent mindset change.

The Power of Affirmations – Why They Work on Some and Not Others and How to Make Them Work for You

Leave a reply

Often times people associate affirmations with the law of attraction or as a way to set goals. I believe affirmations can be very effective when used properly. An affirmation is a firm positive statement that should be written in the present tense as though you are currently experiencing it and in a first person point of view. The best way to utilize affirmations is to repeat them on a daily basis and I even strongly suggest writing them down on index cards so you can read them whenever you want on a daily basis.

There are many benefits to writing positive affirmations and they are indeed very powerful. Here is a list of reasons why they can enhance your life and bring you closer to everything you desire:

– Affirmations keep you laser focused on the things you want. The more your mind focuses on something, the more it will find ways to achieve the desired outcome. People have to understand that this is not an overnight process but if you constantly are thinking about what you want, you will be taking those steps to get there.

– The subconscious mind is said to be more powerful than your conscious mind. Knowing this, feeding your subconscious mind with affirmations along with images of the things you want will program your subconscious mind towards success, confidence, and overall a stronger mindset that will help you obtain your deepest desires.

– Positive affirmations are meant to keep you in a positive state of mind! It is easy to have negative thoughts every so often but when you make a conscious effort to stay positive through the use of positive affirmations, you are eliminating those bad thoughts that might be preventing you from reaching your goals.

So why exactly do affirmations not work on everyone? The problem is, if you have mental road blocks and reasons in your mind that your positive affirmation statements are not valid or accurate, then repeating these positive statements are never going to sink into your subconscious mind. For example, if you truly believe that you put on weight easily from everything you eat, then an affirmation stating that you are happy being healthier and at your ideal weight is never really going to manifest. You have two very conflicting thoughts going on simultaneously and the one that you actually believe in (in this case the negative one) is going to overpower your efforts to stay healthy and fit. When writing your affirmations, you need to focus on what you WANT and not what you don’t want. If you write something along the lines of, “I do not want to gain weight,” even though that is an accurate statement, it is not really written in a positive way. Instead if you were to write, “I am in love with my sexy, fit, and healthy body” then your subconscious mind is under the belief that you possess a healthy body, NOT that you ‘do not want to gain weight’ which means that you are unfit because you are telling yourself you are this way. Do you see the difference between these two thoughts?

How can you maximize the results of positive affirmations so they work for you? For starters, you really need to dig deep and think about exactly everything you want at the present moment. It is okay and highly recommended that you think big even if it is so far from your current reality. Now write everything down and include as many specific details as possible. After you write your ideas, now craft them into positive affirmation statements. As I mentioned, I like writing them on index cards and/or keeping them in a journal as well. I personally like to write the date that I wrote the affirmations on the card so I remember when I wrote them and I can then assess how long it took me to manifest my goal. For the positive affirmations that are specific goals, I do like to assign deadlines however; I do not assign exact timelines for everything as certain affirmations are ongoing and ones I carry throughout my lifetime (such as health related affirmations). The key is to now repeat them on a daily basis. It is recommended that they are repeated when you wake up and when you go to bed. Personally, I only like to read them before bed but I advise the more often you read them, the better because then your mind is constantly focused on them. I look at it like this, positive affirmations are like vitamins–you take them every day and in this case, they are meant to help make your mental wellbeing become healthier and stronger over time.

Final Note: Did you know that Jim Carrey back in 1985 wrote himself a 10 million dollar check for acting services that was dated for 1995 in which he kept in his wallet? Can you guess what happened 10 years later by 1995? By November 1995, he got casted for “Dumb and Dumber” for the amount of 10 million dollars. Coincidence? I think NOT.

My point at the end of all of this is, in order for your positive affirmations to work for you, you need to believe it 100% and repeat them constantly!!! Get rid of your negative thoughts and anything that could be deterring you from the big picture–the life of your dreams! You deserve it! Now go manifest it! 😉

Reliability vs. Trust – How Are They Different and What is More Important?

2 Replies

I find it quite interesting that when you look up the words reliability and/or trust, that they can be considered synonyms for each other although their actual meanings are rather different. I suppose reliability can be a form of trust and vice versa but I will explain to you how they vary and my perspective on both.

Often times when you ask a person, what is most important within a relationship or friendship, the first thing that comes to most people’s minds is trust. I find that answer to be a valuable one but I mean, isn’t that a given? By that I mean, does anyone want to be with someone who they do not trust? I didn’t think so. At the same time, I recognize that people immediately give this response because there is no denying that it is an important quality and it is not always easy to find someone you can trust. It is also a very popular and generic answer, so why not go with it? A reason why I personally do not respond with trust as one of the most important factors is because I can control how much trust I have in an individual. We all have the capacity to control the levels in which we trust people–it is our personal choice at the end of the day. I can choose to trust someone to keep a secret or I can choose to not tell the person at all. I can choose to trust someone to be loyal to me (aka not cheat) or I can choose to not trust that person to be loyal in which I would not choose to be dating that person as it is against my moral code and values. My point is that trust is something we give to someone if we feel the person has earned it or we feel the person to be a trustworthy one.

When I look at the word reliability and determine whether a person is deemed as a reliable person, I associate this more with a person’s consistency and stability. Does the person show up to an event when they say they will or even show up at all? Does the person follow through with the things that they say and do? I find that this is a quality that we have very little control over in a person as someone is either reliable or they are not. Sure, someone can be reliable some of the time and sometimes not but then I would say that person really cannot be labeled as reliable unless it is a good majority of the time. It is for this reason when I am asked about important qualities I look for in a friend or someone I am dating, reliability is my number one answer. It is such an underrated quality yet so significant. I want someone who is reliable and I know I can count on (if not all the time, at least 9 times out of 10). Personally, I do not have much tolerance for people who are flakey, unpredictable, and who simply are not there as needed.

Everyone has their own set of values and standards when it comes to the type of people we want to attract into our lives. We should always be seeking people we can trust as that is a basic emotional necessity that goes without saying but we should also be seeking people who are known for their reliability.

To Love or Not to Love? – Who Should Say I Love You for the First Time in a Relationship Along with the When and How Often?

Leave a reply

Expressing your love for someone can be done by your actions but those three little words in a romantic relationship can take it emotionally to great heights and bring two people that much closer to each other. However, often times people question when should it be said, especially for the first time. Of course you can simply, “Go with your feelings and say it to someone when you feel love towards that person” but I would follow some general guidelines before dropping the L-word for the first time. I want to point out that like most topics I write about, this is my general opinion based on life experience and there truly is no black and white answer to this one. Just keep that in mind before you proceed to reading this article as not everyone is going to agree with my point of view (and that’s okay–it is okay to agree to disagree and I embrace that).

In terms of who should say, “I love you” for the first time, without a doubt, I believe the man in the relationship should take lead and be the one to say it first. I am sure there are exceptions although I cannot think of any offhand but I tend to lean towards believing this due to gender roles. By that I look at it like this, if a man is capable of asking a girl out, pursuing the relationship, initiating physical intimacy, and essentially keeping the “chase” then I think they are fully capable of proclaiming their love for the first time. Never in my dating life have I been the one to tell a man in a relationship that I love him first. Even though there have been times I felt that way, I still chose not to say it because I also believe that if the relationship is meant to get to that place, then it will naturally happen when the time is right. Sure, I showed it through my actions but I always waited until the man said it first to me. Like many things in life, the wait is well worth it. I am willing to wait for the things that are most valuable to me. I can recall every single time it was said to me for the first time as I have a screenshot in my mind of that exact moment within the course of the relationship. If the man never says it to me, then he was not the man for me anyhow as this is something I do expect to be said over time.

In a romantic relationship, determining when to say it can truly vary. I have been in situations where it was said in as early as a few weeks or where it took many months. I would say this depends on how consistently you see the person so if you see a person a few times a week, then naturally I would expect two people will feel the love sooner because of the frequency of their encounters. In a distance relationship or situation where you might only get to see the person once or twice a month in the beginning, it might take longer to feel the love because you are still getting to know the person so saying it for the first time could very well be a longer process. I would say it is healthy to wait at least two months before telling a person you love them for the first time. I do not think it is necessary to say it that quickly no matter how intense the love can feel because even if you experience it rather instantly, you also want to make sure you still genuinely feel that way after a few months as sometimes it could be infatuation with that person which is not the same as loving someone. If you are dating for months and you are not emotionally in a place to say that yet, give it more time or consider if you still want to be with the person. You do not want to waste anyone’s time if you do not think it has the potential to reach love while you also should not say it for the sake of it and give it the time it needs for the love to grow towards that person. It can take many months or up to a year and that is okay. I would say that if you are dating someone for a year and still do not feel you love the person, you need to ask yourself some serious questions in regards to if the relationship has a future and if not, then the other person has a right to know where you stand or you should possibly consider breaking it off yourself.

Once you have officially said it for the time and it is reciprocated, I think it is healthy to say it on a fairly daily basis. I guess this depends on what is within each of your comfort zone. Some couples feel as though they do not need to say it everyday whereas other couples say it everyday as it has become a daily ritual to do so. I think once you have gotten to the stage where both people feel that way and are saying it to each other, it can definitely be said as often as you would like. Life is too short to not express love and gratitude towards the person you love which is why I think it is good to be generous in the ways you express it–not just verbally but with your actions too.

How to Manifest What You Want in Life by Creating a Vision Board / Universe Journal

1 Reply

A few months ago, I wrote an article about manifestation and how the very first step is to simply just think about the things you want because often times “thoughts become things.” Of course just thinking about something will not make something you want magically appear because there needs to be some action to get you towards the end goal. Before taking actual action steps, I want to talk about an important spiritual tool that will get you in a manifestation state of mind. Many people talk about making a vision board although I have what I like to call a “Universe journal” which pretty much represents the same thing. A vision board is a visual representation of the things you want in your life which can be created by making a collage with photos and pictures to represent this. It can cover something very specific such as your career goals or cover a wide range of areas in your life such as home, relationships, travel, health, etc. It can also include words such as quotes, affirmations, and anything that would keep you inspired and motivated. I actually do not have a vision board but as I mentioned, I keep a Universe journal which I created a few years ago and I add images or write things down in it every so often whenever I stumble across something I want to add or whenever I read something inspirational that I want to store permanently. I like keeping it in the form of a journal so it is like a book that I can reference at any given time.

In terms of where to keep it, the best thing to do is place it on your nightstand so you can look at it at night before bed and/or in the morning when you first wake up. It has to be within your sight or else, out of sight, out of mind. I believe the more times you look at it, the more these images are imprinted in your subconscious mind which will propel you to want to manifest it and make these things come to life.

In addition, I do like to write down my goals on index cards in the beginning of a new year (“Universe cards”) and sometimes I will write some new ones throughout the year when I think of new things I want to attract into my life. They key is being very specific and writing down as many exact details as you can. If you write down that you want to buy a house, this is a good goal but you should think more about the specifics such as the location, budget you have in mind, how many rooms, the layout, etc. If you are not exactly sure of the details, you can always add them later when you reflect on them more. I think it can be helpful to write a deadline although I would not get too hung up on this unless it truly is a time sensitive goal. Many things in life can take time and so you cannot expect this to be an overnight process.

I know there are people who are going to be reading this and think this is all made up. I notice the people who are not in touch with their spirituality usually consider this to be a waste of time or just do not believe in the power of manifestation along with the concept of the laws of attraction. If you possess a negative attitude towards this activity, then it probably will not work because you truly need to believe in it.

I did not become very aware or in touch with my spirituality until probably after college. It truly amazes me how much I want actually has manifested over time (and currently is in the manifesting process 😉 ) through visualization. It works because you are putting a greater mental focus on your goals when you actually take the time to lay them out visually and then look at them frequently. Sometimes when I manifest something, even I cannot help but think to myself, “Wow, it is unbelievable this is working” which is why I continue these spiritual practices and I encourage people to do the same. `

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith Red Table Talk – Thoughts on Her “Entanglement” and What to Do if You Find Yourself in the Same Situation

Leave a reply

When it comes to celebrity gossip, sometimes it grabs my attention but often times I do not know what is going on unless it makes some sort of headline news. For whatever reason, I kept seeing headlines regarding the relationship status of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith within the past 48 hours which lead me to do a little of my own research and find out what this whole “Red Table Talk” of theirs was all about. I could not tell you much about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith other than I know they have been married since the 90’s and seemed to be going strong although based on the recent headlines, I found out otherwise. More specifically, years ago she had an affair with August Alsina who is a singer and happens to be a friend of their son. The truth of the matter is, things might appear great on the surface but you truly do not ever know what goes on behind closed doors. Their relationship has proven to be an epic example of this. I realize their business is no one’s business but at the same time, they came out publicly and recorded their conversation to let people know what was going on between them. This leaves room to analyze the situation in which I will point out some things I picked up from what I watched. Again, I do not know all the details of their relationship and of course many details are kept private but I can at the very least make some observations of what I did learn from their recent discussion on Jada’s Red Table Talk which is a podcast you can find on Facebook.

The reason I find that this is worth bringing to the table (in this case written about in my blog) is because I would not categorize this as “Oh this only happens in celebrity relationships.” Whether in a stage of separation or not, basically an affair occurred and this unfortunately is quite common within personal relationships and even more sadly within marriages. I will point out some things that stood out to me from their public discussion and then share how I would handle the same situation.

Some quotes from Jada Pinkett Smith:

“I got into a different kind of entanglement with August.” – I am sorry but is “entanglement” a code word in 2020 for affair or relationship or just what exactly? That in and of itself is distasteful to me because we are adults here. Can we just call a spade a spade and just simply be straightforward and say, “I had an affair with August?” I do not understand why she cannot be more upfront and just say this out loud. Funny enough, Will Smith tries to call her out on that term and she still uses it!

“I just wanted to feel good.” – Jada justifies her actions for wanting to feel good. I understand if there is any type of friction or hardship in your current relationship/marriage, then you are going to rely on other sources for providing you that happiness or a “feel good” feeling. However, starting essentially a new relationship or as she labeled it a “friendship” with someone of the opposite sex is just a recipe for disaster on many levels. I am sure it started out innocently but the problem is it allowed her to get too vulnerable which later lead to an affair. By that, I mean both emotional and physical cheating, just to put all the facts on the table.

“I learned so much about myself.” – Jada makes this statement but does not really elaborate on what exactly she learned about herself and more importantly, their relationship. If someone told me they cheated and then followed it with, “I learned so much about myself” — it is like, “Oh okay, that is nice you learned more about yourself but do you care about how that impacts our relationship?” Which leads me to the point that I have a major issue with the fact that NOT ONCE did she ever take ownership for her actions or apologize for the mistakes she has made along the way (aka having an affair). This shows to me a lack of empathy which is a huge red flag because that means she is unaware of how her actions affect other people and in this case her husband.

“One of the things that I am deeply grateful for between you and I is that we really have gotten to that place of unconditional love.” – I would not say this is “unconditional love.” Maybe on Will’s end because despite everything that has happened, he is willing to stay and make it work. (To be honest, I do not even think I could call this unconditional love but rather a lack of love towards himself which I will further explain later). For Jada, I do not think her actions have really proven that she has an unconditional love towards her husband. I would say a lack of respect towards him and their marriage, yes. Perhaps if she made some type of an apology or had any hint of remorse, I could reconsider my viewpoint but that was not the case based on what she said publicly.

Okay so now what? What to do if you are in a similar situation? If it were me:

Personally, my perception of self tells me that I deserve the very best, I have a lot to offer to the right person, and I am a hot commodity (lol I know that might come off a smidge conceited but when I say that, I am just saying that I can attract someone new if I really wanted to). So if within a committed relationship, a person is betraying my trust, not empathetic towards my feelings, and has no respect for their relationship with me, how is it possible for me to stay with that person? For one, that is not what I define as a commitment. Furthermore, it is in COMPLETE contradiction of my perception of self and what I want to attract in my life. A guy having a sidepiece (temporary or not) in addition to me? THAT IS A HUGE HELL NO!!! I am all or nothing with most things in life, especially my relationships. If someone cannot provide me their all, then I want nothing.

At the end of the day, I love myself greater than anyone I could ever choose to be with. I generate my own personal happiness with or without someone. People need to get in that place with themselves where they are completely in acceptance and love with self and their life. That is not an easy place to get to for most people but like anything in life, you work on it! You work on bettering yourself, you work on focusing on what brings you true happiness, and you work towards your life goals.

Walking away is never easy, especially when a good length of time is invested (in their case, 25 years)! However, when you love yourself and know what your self worth is, it is a rather easy decision to want to move on. By settling, you are settling on mediocrity and that just doesn’t cut it for me. I strive for excellence, not mediocrity. If you set the bar high, you will not be in a place of settling for anything less than what you authentically desire.

Although time can heal most situations and so can therapy, I do not think I could really fully recover from someone cheating on me and have any inclination to “make it work” with that person. Those actions cannot be taken back and the emotional pain endured just does not make it worth it for me to stick around. I could maybe keep things cordial but ultimately, the final decision would be to let the person go and create a brighter future for myself.

10 Habits to Stay Young and Healthy AF – (What Works for Me)

Leave a reply

I strongly believe that health is wealth in which living a healthy lifestyle has always been one of my top priorities. When people are very young, they often times think they are invincible and do not look at the long term effects of their current health habits. I was always a little more wise beyond my years where I developed good health and fitness habits from the jump. No one really encouraged me to be this way, I just knew that I wanted to take care of myself both on the inside and outside. I also feel as though everyone should want to take personal responsibility for their well being by doing their very best to make the right choices. Our genetics might have control of our health in certain areas but the health choices we make in our daily lives actually have a significant impact on our health over the course of our lifetimes. If you have not done a very good job taking care of your health over the years, the good news is that it is never too late to make a change or get on the right track. Although many of the habits I share might not be anything new, these are all things I personally do to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I will include some specifics in the description but do not feel you have to do everything I do exactly. I understand that for some, much of what I do or think is important might appear extreme or “too high maintenance.” Even if you can or only want to adapt a few, that is still better than nothing.

Lift Weights – It does not matter your gender, when it comes to working out, I think weight training is ESSENTIAL. Everybody should be hitting the weights to some capacity. They say you only need to weight train a few days a week which is considered enough but I personally aim to lift weights every day for approximately an hour a day. Of course sometimes I cannot fit that in every single day because of my work schedule and social life but that is how much time I like to put in. I prioritize weight training because I care about maintaining a healthy body composition (visually, I prize a toned aesthetic) and building muscle by lifting weights is what keeps the body in shape. While many obsess over losing weight or the number on the scale, I am all about maintaining that waist-to-hip ratio (WHR) so if that means working the muscles, I will put in the work needed and do what it takes to achieve those results.

Running (or Cardio of Your Choice) – It is hard for me to date back to when I became a runner but running is probably my favorite form of cardio. It is not only a good way to keep the heart rate up and burn a good amount of calories within a short amount of time but it gives me an opportunity to listen to music and clear my mind. Running serves as both a great mental and physical activity for me. I try to run outside on a pretty daily basis (weather permitting) but other forms of cardio I enjoy include the rowing machine, stationary bike, cardio kickboxing, and even going for a walk. I like to switch it up if I can and think cardio is important mainly just to keep the body moving.

Focus on Quality Foods – Maintaining a healthy diet is crucial and what you are actually eating is more important than how many calories a food item contains. I try to eat mostly natural foods that do not even have a food label but if I have a food label on hand, my number one concern is the ingredient list because again, I want to know what exactly I am consuming. I tend to gravitate towards buying organic foods and my diet is mostly a high protein (again to maintain muscle) and low carbohydrate. This seems to work best for me so I have kept up with this for many years now.

Watch How Much You Eat – I think portion control is definitely an important factor to consider because if you consume too much on a daily basis, it will catch up to you over time and you are more likely to gain some unnecessary weight. I try to be very mindful at each meal of how much I’m eating and pay attention to when my body tells me I am physically full.

Make Healthy Green Smoothies – I start most of my mornings with what I call a green smoothie. This is really when I get a good dose of my fruits and vegetables in for the day. I also like to add a whey protein powder for extra protein. I sometimes will make one as a quick meal replacement or as a post workout drink but usually I make one in the morning to start my day.

Drink Tea – I brew various teas and drink tea daily not for the taste but for its health benefits. I mostly drink peppermint tea everyday as I do happen to like the taste and it is good for digestion. I also look for detox teas or ones with energy boosting effects. If I am not drinking tea, then I will drink water. I think it is very important to stay hydrated throughout the day.

Invest in Good Skincare – I recommend that everyone at the very least should wear moisturizer every day. I typically moisturize both in the morning and at night before bed along with incorporating a face toner and serum which also nourish the skin. I buy skincare with ingredients such as glycolic acid, hyaluronic acid, and retinol–these are all great anti-aging ingredients.

Wear SPF – It has been said that wearing sunscreen is one of the best things you can do for your face to prevent wrinkles, cancer, and overall damage to your skin. I am not always the best about applying it to my body but I always apply it to my face, a minimum of SPF 30.

Get Enough Sleep (Take Naps if you Have to) – There is no doubt that you need to get a good amount of rest each night. I have a tendency to get up early and sometimes stay up later than I want to so that’s when I incorporate a good afternoon nap on days I did not get enough sleep. I wear a Fitbit which tracks my sleep and a good day for me is a minimum of 7 hours.

Stay Consistent Over Time – Listen, no one is perfect and neither am I. It can be a challenge to stay disciplined at all times but staying pretty consistent with occasional off days is totally acceptable and normal. I might have a not so healthy day but that does not mean I cannot start over and make it a good one the following day.

If you are not doing so already, it is time to make it a point to focus on making healthier life choices and taking personal accountability for yourself. That might mean some extra discipline and some sacrifices but you have to think of it as an investment towards your future. Even if you feel good and look good now, it is important to get into good health habits early in your life so as you age, you will slow down the process and also prevent potential health problems from occurring down the line. It is Ben Franklin who said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” I could not agree more, amen to that!

The Law of Least Effort – Why it Often Works and Ways to Apply it in a Relationship

Leave a reply

The expression “less is more” applies to many things in life and when it comes to dating, I think this is especially true. I don’t want you to think that this means you should not be putting in any effort whatsoever but to instead possess a less is more mentality which can be much more beneficial in the long run. This leads into why I want to share the principle known as the Law of Least Effort. I would describe this to apply to someone who does not apply much effort into something (or in this case, someone) but manages to maximize their results. I know you are probably wondering, how is that possible–shouldn’t you always apply yourself 100% or more to get everything you want in life? Of course there is no denying that but life is also situational in which there are certain instances where you are actually way better off taking a few steps back and not doing as much, especially when it comes to attraction psychology.

To take it a step further, I want to specifically focus on how the Law of Least Effort is beneficial in the dating world and ways to apply this way of thinking. It is essentially adapting a cool confidence within your interactions and trusting the process. Many people are constantly seeking instant gratification or trying to force things upon others which is counterintuitive and the complete opposite of what the Law of Least Effort is all about.

Stop Imposing Your Dating Agenda – I think it is more common for women to make this mistake where they will go on a first date or early on upon meeting someone tell a guy who they don’t even really know all too well about their marriage/family goals–how they want to be married in a year with three kids. I think it is great to have these goals in your mind and I absolutely encourage people to think about their future but it is way too soon to unload all that onto someone you just met. If this sort of conversation comes up organically, I suppose it is good to be honest with your dating motives but I would advise a way more cautious and effortless approach to your answer so you also do not appear so desperate. Something along the lines of, “If I meet the right person, I would be open to a meaningful relationship. I prefer to take things one step at a time and just seeing where it goes.” This is not only a realistic and rational minded response but a very low effort mindset (ex: “just seeing where it goes”) where it conveys there is the intent of building a meaningful relationship but not in a way where your entire life is dependent on it. If it happens, it happens but you are not going to force it into fruition and most importantly, you are NOT attached to the outcome of the dating situation.

Continue to Live Your Independent Life – It is very common for people to start adapting to the person they are dating by picking up some of their habits or even some of their hobbies. There is nothing wrong with that in particular but it is extremely important to still live your own life where you still have your own routine and do the things that make you happy. When someone sees you are fully capable of living your life on your terms and you are not going to put all this effort into catering to the other person, this conveys a tremendous amount respect and the other person will value your time more. It is when you give too much of your time away that you get taken for granted and/or treated like a doormat. Those who practice the Law of Least Effort are never ones to be labeled as a doormat.

Avoid One Sided Communication – By this I am referring to developing communication that is balanced rather than blowing up the other person’s phone all the time. I think communication should be like a tennis match, the ball is in my court and then I hit it back on the other person’s court. I am not going to hit a series of balls in a row to the other person if the ball has not come back to my court yet. For example, if you are making a phone call and the person did not pick up, it is okay to leave a voicemail if you choose to but don’t then try to call back within the hour and send ten follow up text messages. That is way too much effort (and neediness) on your end! It is important to trust that the person will get back to you when they have the moment. If they broke a communication pattern in which you think they are in an emergency situation, then by all means, it is okay to make multiple attempts and through various methods but on a day-to-day basis, everything will be okay. There really is no need to overextend yourself in general but especially in terms of your communication patterns.

I want to point out something interesting about what I just mentioned. If you notice the other person is not as communicative as you are and it provokes you to want to do more to get their attention or hit them up more (which I am telling you NOT TO DO), notice that they are essentially applying the Law of Least Effort, whether it is intentional or not–ON YOU! You notice how by them not being in as frequent contact, it makes you want to do something about it to keep the connection going? Interesting how effectively this works, isn’t it? 😉

Just Be Your Most Authentic Self at All Times – It is unfortunate when you see someone try too hard to impress someone else even if that means not being true to oneself. If you find you have to make many personal sacrifices or changes just to keep someone in your life, that is way too much effort and not realistically sustainable over time. Chances are that you will either go back to your old ways or form resentment over time towards the other person. No one should ever be trying that hard just to gain acceptance from someone they are dating as the right person will genuinely accept you for who you are–both the good and the bad.

Leave Their Past in the Past – Unless their past is currently impacting their present life such as a lingering ex who is still in the picture, there is really no need to dig too deep into a person’s past dating life. It is okay to be curious and have some casual discussions about it as it could heavily influence who they are today but spending your free time going through their social media contacts or doing a Google search on everyone they recently dated before you is wasted time and effort. The biggest focus should be on the present moment with that person rather than trying to dig up skeletons in their closet.

At the end of the day, the bottom line is that you should not be in a position where you are putting in an extreme amount of effort to start a relationship, get a person to like you, or throughout the course of a relationship. By applying the Law of Least Effort, you will notice that there is much to gain by putting it into practice such as respect, confidence, and a boost of attraction towards you.

“Out of Touch? – I’m Out of Time” – When to Keep it Moving

2 Replies

Hall & Oates absolutely had it right back in 1984 with their ever so catchy hit, “Out of Touch.” I figured out a way to add it to my post so you can take a listen if you are not familiar with the song. Despite its popularity at the time, I do not think I actually became aware of how much I liked this song until maybe ten years ago when I actually payed attention to the words. This song never gets old to me by ear but when examining the lyrics, I developed a deeper appreciation for the track.

It is without a doubt that communication is a necessity in any healthy relationship. Although many people live busy lives, the good news is that thanks to technology, there are many ways to stay in contact with someone. I would say the easiest is by text but a good old fashioned phone call is just as effective. For people in long distance relationships or for those who want to have the ability to see each other face-to-face, there are also ways to connect in a virtual platform such as Skype or Zoom. What I am getting at with all of this is that with so many available options to connect, there is really no excuse for a communication barrier unless the person is doing something very important at a given moment, in the company of others where it would be rude to utilize their phone, in some sort of emergency situation, or lost their phone altogether. Of course there are plenty of other legitimate reasons that can explain why someone is not able to respond right away but there are also plenty of reasons why someone is out of touch for unjustifiable reasons (such as laziness or lack of care) in which you need to recognize this difference.

When people come to me seeking advice regarding what to do when someone they are starting to date or getting to know takes their sweet time to respond to a text message (I’m not talking hours, I’m talking an extensive amount of days or perhaps weeks) or does not even initiate much contact to begin with, my response is, “Out of touch, out of time.” Meaning that if someone is taking too long to reply on a day-to-day basis or does not make much of an effort to want to be in contact with you, no matter how interested you might be, there is no need to double text or chase them. It is time to accept the reality that the person is not that interested or perhaps is “too busy” and to just keep it moving. Think about it: Is it really acceptable to be with someone who is here today and gone tomorrow? Is there a good reason for making excuses for someone’s lack of communication (aka lack of interest)? I always remind people that a delayed response or no response at all tends to speak volumes of their true intent or in this case, lack of intent. Trust me, if someone wants to track you down or reply to you, the person knows how to and has plenty of ways to get a hold of you.

Let me break it down in another way: If the other person drops the ball, it is not your responsibility to pick it up so don’t. Instead, let it roll away and be in the hands of someone who will want to pick it up. It is really that simple.

On a final note, the next time this happens to you, please don’t question why, please don’t feel bad about yourself, please don’t chase them, and please don’t invest any more of your mental energy–just remember to sing in your head Hall & Oate’s famous line, “You’re out of touch, I’m out of time.” 😉 Then focus your attention elsewhere.