Monthly Archives: June 2020

There is No Attachment Like Emotional Attachment – How To Get Someone to Build an Emotional Attachment Towards You

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There are various forms of attachments that develop within any relationship but I truly believe that there is no attachment like an emotional attachment. If someone has a strong emotional attachment towards you, it is very unlikely that the person will leave you for someone else and there is a higher chance that the person will want to stay with you for the long haul. That is not to say that the relationship will last forever as you also need to mutually maintain the strength of this emotional attachment and bond; however knowing this and the ways to create it will make you more consciously aware of how to develop it moving forward. It can apply to a current relationship, a future one, or even someone you have a crush on at the moment.

I can tell you from personal experience, when I have an authentic and strong emotional attachment towards someone, I really do not and cannot look at anyone else in a romantic way. It always amazes me when someone has that emotional effect on me. I recognize it is not natural or easy for everyone to get someone emotionally attached, especially for someone not very in touch with their feelings or possessing a strong emotional intelligence (EQ). That is why I want to share what has worked on me and how I also work my magic 😉 (haha half kidding) on getting someone emotionally attached to me.

Increase the Frequency of Contact – I find this to be one of the most important things to do when building an emotional attachment in both the early stages of getting to know someone and also maintaining this attachment over time. If you only talk to the person once every few days or once a week, chances are the person will not get super attached to you on an emotional level because there is too much time in between the times that you connect with each other. As the saying goes, “Out of sight, out of mind.” In other words, if you are barely in contact with the person, you will often times become forgettable. This is not to say that you want to increase the contact to the point where they hear from you too often as that can certainly detract the person altogether but finding a healthy balance that works for both of you is key.

I want to point out that if the person already likes you or has formed an emotional attachment towards you, not being in frequent contact could make the person think about you more as not being in touch creates an emotional longing towards you. However, this does not always mean they will stay attached to you as many people have small attention spans and there still needs to be some form of attention given in order to keep the attention on you.

Grand Gestures Go a Long Way – I would say grand gestures are not everything but I do think if you take the time to go the extra mile for someone and it is something of great meaning to that specific individual, then it is totally worth it and will leave a lasting impression on an emotional level. For example, a grand gesture can be if you go shopping and the person points out a desired style of jewelry within conversation and you insist on buying it as a gift on the spot or you might go back to purchase it for the person later because you know it is special. Although this might not appear as a grand gesture to everyone as some people feel entitled and expect this type of treatment, I equate this as a grand gesture as it goes above and beyond what is expected on a daily basis.

Pay Attention to the Little Things – Besides the grand gestures, the “little things” as I call it can be just as significant. Sometimes people do a great job with making people emotionally feel good on a bigger scale but then so terribly fail to recognize the little things that are of significance to them. Something as small as calling each other to say good night before bedtime every night can be very meaningful to someone as a way to connect emotionally even though it is not much to ask of someone. It is important to recognize what these little things are and actually finding ways to acknowledge them.

Do Something Extra Nice for No Reason – I think doing something special on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other special events is important and usually goes without saying. Depending on the person, these dates and events might not even be a big deal (again everybody is different). However, doing something special for no particular reason and just because you want to show you care about the person can be just as special or even more special. It can be something as small as leaving a handwritten note with a sweet message in an unexpected place where the person will find it or surprising them by delivering their favorite takeout meal to their workplace. These are not only nice surprises but often times will make the person feel very appreciated.

Physical Intimacy (That is NOT Sex) – When people hear physical intimacy, people automatically think sex but I want to point out that there are other forms of physical intimacy that do NOT involve sex and that many people do not put much of a focus on yet it can be so incredibly crucial in creating an emotional bond. Of course this will vary from individual to individual and I encourage people to not be afraid to straight up ask the other person (maybe not right away but in time) what their preferences are rather than assume what the other person likes to feel close.

Although this sounds like it should be categorized under physical attachment, I equate the right intimacy to turn into emotional attachment. Some examples of physical intimacy that is not sex include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and I would even say eye contact–as in the way the person looks at you. Something I find important although I know this might not apply to everyone as there are people who do not really like to be touched or caressed but I always have said, the way a person holds you can really make you feel that much closer to them. Again, at the end of the day, keep in mind people have different preferences so what makes me personally feel connected to someone might not work on someone else.

Build Upon Your Similarities – No one is going to be exactly like you but it is wise to find the things that you both share in common and to concentrate on them. The more similarities you have with one another, the more natural it will be for an emotional attachment to occur. If there are mutual hobbies, then plan activities that allow you to enjoy them together.

Create Life Experiences Together – I would generally say that any real quality time spent together will tend to create an emotional attachment but there is definitely a difference in the types of quality time spent such as watching a Netflix show together versus backpacking to Europe together. I am not saying you cannot do the basic everyday things but creating unique life experiences or doing fun things together that are out of the comfort of your home just takes quality time spent on a whole different level.

Have Intellectual and Deep Conversations – This is the emotional glue that keeps the bond together. When you have a meaningful conversation with someone, it not only allows for you to get to know the person on a deeper level but over time, this emotional attachment deepens as well. There is nothing wrong with having surface level conversations but when you take the time to really dig a few layers deep and get the person to share things they might not share with the average person or have shared with anyone before then there is a stronger likelihood the person will feel more emotionally connected to you by default.

Express Yourself in Words – People always underestimate the power of words but I think the right words can definitely create a deep emotional attachment. I know it is not easy for people to show their vulnerable side but it does not even have to be anything too heavy or over the top. Some of the most simple phrases can be incredibly effective such as:

– “I miss you.”
– “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
– “When can I see you again?”
– “I love spending time with you.”
– “I can’t wait to see you this weekend.”

(Think about it, who does not want to hear these expressions from someone they care about? Yeah, that’s what I thought). The key is, it will NOT work if the other person has conveyed in so many words or actions that they do not have any feelings towards you whatsoever; however there are those rare instances where feelings can change over time so it is okay to still take that chance but it is better to scale it back a bit if the other person is not at the same emotional place as you. Some people might need more time or some just might be incapable of getting there with you personally (and that’s okay).

Make the Person Feel Good on Multiple Levels – I was not sure the best way to describe this but essentially make the person feel good both on the inside and outside. This can be done simply by complimenting them on a specific quality of theirs or their appearance. I would say extra brownie points if you are able to make the person feel good regarding something positive other people might fail to recognize about them including themselves.

If you utilize some of these strategies for building emotional attachment, you will be amazed at the results. The good news is, it is never too late to apply these techniques as it can strengthen a current relationship or help develop an emotional attachment from the very start of your next relationship.

Know Gold When You See It and You Will Never Have a Missed Opportunity Again

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I want to start off by saying, there are an abundance of opportunities in this world. Yep, you heard me, abundance. Repeat that to yourself if you do not already have that concept in your frame of mind right now. I don’t care what we are talking about whether it is a professional opportunity or a personal one, the Universe is constantly providing you opportunities whether you are proactively looking for them or not. There are times when an opportunity can come knocking on your door when you least expect it in which you might feel a sense of good luck. Then why do so many people face missed opportunities or have regrets about not taking an opportunity that was presented to them?

I truly believe the majority of the time, there is no excuse for a missed opportunity. In other words, there is no reason to have them and if you missed one, then that ship often has sailed so you need to move on to the next golden opportunity that awaits you (remember, there are plenty so do not get bent if one just went sailing by). If you “missed an opportunity,” then it could be for quite a number of reasons. I’ll list a few that I can think of off the top of my head right now but of course this is just a general list:

Causes of a Missed Opportunities:

– You did not want it bad enough.
– You were too slow to act on it.
– You had too many opportunities on hand and missed the one you actually wanted.
– You realized after it was too late.
– You simply want what you can not or no longer have.

So what is the solution to all of this? How can you prevent yourself from experiencing another missed opportunity? This leads me to a saying that I came up with years ago and that I love sharing with others as it applies to this context as an immediate solution: “You have to know gold when you see it.“ In other words, you have to know a good opportunity when you see it and go for it immediately. You cannot just let it pass you by or think too hard on it because depending on what it is, it can easily be taken by someone else or never present itself again. If you were to see a piece of gold appear on the ground right before your eyes, without hesitation, you would go grab it immediately, wouldn’t you? You *know* what gold looks like upon seeing it so you acted on it right away without skipping a beat. There was no way it was going to become a missed opportunity or go over your head because without question, you know that gold is valuable.

Now I want to point out that if we are talking about a job, you might have been provided with the opportunity to apply but not always get the job. Yes, that is a missed opportunity that might not fully have been in your control; however, it was never 100% a guaranteed opportunity supplied to you to begin with. I am referring to opportunities that were 100% given to you and within your control but became a missed opportunity–whatever the cause may be.

I want you to also think about my saying within this context: If YOU gave someone an opportunity and the person did NOT take it and essentially rejected it, do not offer it again and walk away. The opportunity should completely be off the table now.

Why? Note to yourself: You are gold. You are high value. If someone fails to see your worth and what you bring to the table, the person is not deserving of you or what you have to offer to begin with. It could be a job setting, dating situation, or just about anything in which you essentially served as the opportunity but got denied or overlooked. There is no need for hard feelings over the matter–you are still gold at the end of the day, right? 😉

5 Ways to Take Financial Control of Your Life

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No matter where you came from in terms of your financial background, I think it is possible for everyone to become financially independent and this is a life goal that everyone should proactively be looking to achieve. Financial independence brings an endless amount of both extrinsic and intrinsic value to your life such as an increase of freedom, stability, success, confidence, and happiness.

Often times people think that making a ton a of money automatically means a person is financially in a better place than someone else but I think what is more important than how much salary an actual person earns is how one manages their money. I have seen people who significantly make less money but they are never in debt and still have money leftover to save while I have seen people who are very wealthy but don’t know how to save effectively and in extreme cases end up broke AF. So the good news from all of this is that anyone can truly benefit from the financial strategies provided here and it does not matter what your current financial status is as there is always room for growth and change. I do not think it is ever too late to start practicing better money habits, it just takes some discipline and mindfulness on your part.

Stop Spending Beyond Your Means – I think this is probably most people’s biggest money problem–they spend money they don’t really have. There is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your hard earned money and treating yourself to nice things but this can be done in moderation. Instead of going to Starbucks every single morning, why not just treat yourself once a week and then make coffee from home the rest of the week? By this simple change alone, you are saving a few dollars each week which adds up to a lot in one year.

Keep a Financial Journal – I do not know many people who do this but I have been doing this as early as high school. I write down every single day how much I spend and record how much I earn. It is not fancy by any means and although people might do this nowadays in some type of spreadsheet, I keep it old school and literally keep track of it in a journal. I just put the date, where/what the money was spent, and the exact amount. I do this for many reasons. For one, I like to know where my money goes and keep a record of my expenses and earnings. I do not add up my spending totals for the month (I easily can and have done that before if I wanted to let’s say keep track of how much money I spent on different categories such as groceries, etc. from month-to-month) but I do add up my totals for how much money I make each month. I think it is a good practice to do this for general self awareness and I truly believe whenever you write anything down, you are taking accountability for your actions. Ultimately, this personal practice will bring a sense of mindfulness when it comes to how you choose to spend your money while also paying attention to how much money you make.

Find Multiple Streams of Income – Thanks to the internet, there are so many ways to make a little extra money on top of your full time job or it can even help you find your main source of income. You can start up an Etsy shop or Ebay business or go on Craig’s List and place an ad for odd job work/services that you can provide. There are many apps and resources to find freelance work or to sell things so the opportunities are endless when you take the time to look and see what is available.

Sacrifice Short-term Happiness for Long-term Happiness (aka Your Future) – It is time to start planning for your long-term future if you have not begun to do so already. Depending on what stage you are in your life, that could mean purchasing your very first home or starting a retirement fund. A retirement fund is a must and ideally you should start one as soon as you can. Even if you can barely contribute at the moment, every dollar goes a long way thanks to compound interest. In order to reach these goals, you will have to make everyday sacrifices so you have money set aside for the big purchases in your life while also saving for retirement so you can retire comfortably. Instead of buying a designer handbag on sale (yes, it might be on sale but do you really need it?) which is a short-term happiness purchase, remind yourself of the bigger picture.

Pay Your Bills on Time – I feel like this sounds like common sense but it amazes me how many people are not doing this each month and as a result, they incur late fees which is just a total waste of money and equivalent to throwing your money into a trashcan. The best way to do this is to set up automatic payments and then this way you do not have to worry about whether or not you missed the deadline on a payment. To stay even more organized, write down each month what bills are due and when so you know in advance when the money will be taken out of your bank account. If you notice that too many bills are due around the same time in which it liquidates too much of your bank account at one time, you can usually call the company and request a different date that it gets taken out each month. This allows for more balance from week to week in terms of how your money is distributed between all your monthly expenses and to ensure you always have enough money in your account. If you find that you cannot pay off your basic monthly expenses due to not being able to afford it then you need to either find ways to increase your income or cut back on certain things in its entirety.

It truly is never too late to start taking control of your financial destiny and improving your money management skills. It really comes down to two basic principles of spending less and saving more. If you really take the time to examine where you are now, set some financial goals for your future, and implement these strategies, then you are on the road to financial success.

Psychology of Unmet Needs and How it Affects Your Love Life

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When it comes to love, there are many contributions as to what attracts you to one person over someone else. Partially these choices are made on a conscious level, a set of criteria that is more concrete such as wanting to be with someone with a certain level of education or religious background. These are conscious selections and essentially dating preferences that are of importance to you. However, even more of your love life is determined on a subconscious level in which it is not something you can really control unless you really examine your childhood and your past including past relationships. This leads me to the concept of “psychology of unmet needs.” I would describe this term as a psychological need(s) that holds value to you but has never been obtained before or it was and might have been taken away at some point of your life which has lead to you longing to fulfill it again in some way.

The psychology of unmet needs can overlap into many areas of your life but it can especially relate to your dating life and would explain why you gravitate towards a certain person or fall into a pattern of being attracted to the same types of people in your lifetime. I will provide a few examples to further illustrate this.

– Examining a Person’s Childhood – No one comes from a perfect childhood so if you really examine it, you can discover a person’s unmet needs and as a result, knowing this will help you better understand what they are looking for within a relationship to compensate or make up for what was missing.

Example #1: If a girl grew up in a household that was very unstable and included some financial insecurities, chances are she will either become very motivated to become rich or she will desperately be seeking a partner who will be an exceptionally good provider and have a career that will ensure financial wealth. Typically, anyone who suffers from a lack of resources (basic necessities such as food or shelter) or has severe money problems (incapability to pay bills on time or keeping a steady job) will naturally be drawn to someone who has established wealth or is on the path of becoming very rich to compensate for this lack of financial stability. Many people like to stereotype all women as “gold diggers” but the truth of the matter is, if a woman grew up with resources where all her basic needs were met and/or she has her own successful career without ever facing any real money problems, she is not going to be as likely to be looking for a man to provide for her because it was never an unmet need of hers to begin with.

Example #2: Let’s say a boy grew up not feeling very good about himself and suffered from confidence issues due his perceived physical unattractiveness, his inability to receive validation from women, and neglect from his own parents. This is a pretty lengthy list of psychological unmet needs but by knowing all this, it makes it rather clear what he will most likely be seeking when he is looking for a potential mate. For starters, this is definitely the type of guy who is most inclined to be in search of a “trophy wife.” Due to his perceived physical unattractiveness (I say “perceived” because physical attractiveness is heavily influenced by one’s own perception of it), he will most likely develop a stronger need to find a woman that is very physically attractive and perhaps one who attracts a lot of attention from the outside world (remember–he never received enough attention growing up). This would further explain why he is more attracted to a “flashy” woman as opposed to a girl-next-door type because if he is associated with a girl who provokes much attention, then as a result, he will gain more attention and validation simply by dating her. He will also be most attracted to a woman who exudes a ton of confidence because he never felt confident in his youth. By being with a confident woman, he can ultimately elevate his own confidence level and this will make him feel even better about himself.

– Talking About Past Relationships – It is healthy and normal to discuss reasons why a past relationship did not work out and you can usually find out the answer by directly asking someone. However, not everyone is as open about their past while others tend to hold things very close to their heart without disclosing too much of that information. In other words, the person can just be more private in nature or simply not want to talk about it openly in the event it was too painful or negative of an experience. If the direct approach does not work, then there is still an indirect way of still getting a sense as to why a past relationship did not work out.

Instead of straight up asking someone why their last relationship ended, by asking the person what qualities they are looking for when in a relationship, pay close attention to the given response because I guarantee you, some of the things mentioned as a necessity stems from a psychological unmet need from one of their past relationships. By reading between the lines, you can easily figure out what was missing from their last relationship just by asking what they are currently looking for.

Example #1: A guy has been dating a girl for a few weeks and the subject of past relationships comes up in conversation. He asks why her last relationship did not work out (direct approach). He finds out that her last boyfriend was not only selfish but that it was very much a one sided relationship. He never wanted to do the activities she wanted, he did not go out of his way to do things to make her happy, and everything had to be done his way without any compromises. The psychological unmet need was a healthy balance and equality within a relationship along with someone who possesses a caring disposition. In the future, this girl will most likely gravitate towards someone who will nurture and pamper her to make up for all the times she was not taken care of by her ex-boyfriend. This is very helpful information for the current guy as he does not want to make the same mistakes and will take the extra time to cater to her needs so that he can continue to date the girl and it will hopefully progress into a successful long term relationship.

Example #2: Often times during a first date, no one typically broaches the subject of past relationships as that is not always a pleasant topic and the initial conversations are usually more casual. Towards the end of a date, a girl asks what qualities are most important in a relationship (indirect approach). The guy’s response is heavily focused on the theme of trust and how he values that more than anything in a relationship. He begins his response by stating, “That is an easy answer: Trust. For me, if I can’t be with a girl I trust and I have to worry about what she is doing when she’s not around or she lies about both petty things and even more serious things, it just isn’t worth it in the long run. I do not believe anyone should have to go through a relationship having to question things all the time.” Translation: I have had a dating history where I could not trust a woman (and/or women) in my past because I had been lied to on multiple occasions and I often was left to wonder about a woman’s whereabouts or who she was with whenever we were apart. Think about it, it goes without saying that there needs to be trust in a healthy relationship between two people. If this guy is flat out explaining specific examples as to why “no one should have to go through this,” chances are because he personally has had to put up with this and he does not want to anymore moving forward. He does not specify cheating at all but it is possible he was also cheated on previously because often times people who were cheated on in their past have a stronger need for trust in their future relationships. Therefore, the psychological unmet need was trust and since it was unfilled, there is a much higher need for it versus someone who never experienced trust issues with someone in their past.

Taking the time to truly understand a person’s psychological unmet needs when pursuing a relationship is extremely beneficial in not only understanding the person better and creating a strong bond to each other but also as a way of gauging whether or not you are a good match for the future.

Chemistry vs. Compatibility – What is More Sustainable in the Long Run?

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If you were to ask me about ten years ago, what do I look for when dating, I probably would have said something along the lines of “love at first sight” or that undeniable spark (chemistry). Fast forward to now, if someone were to ask me that same question, my response would be, “A male version of myself” (compatibility). Don’t worry, I will break it down and further delve back into the original topic. First we need to understand what the difference is between chemistry and compatibility.

Chemistry – In dating terms, I would describe chemistry as that emotional impulse and gravity you have towards a person without any force as it just comes natural from within. I think a good amount of chemistry is driven by your physical attraction towards someone; however, it is not strictly based on the physicality as there has to also be the emotional substance from the inside in addition to their outer appearance. In other words, you can meet a model who from the outside is pleasing to the eyes solely from a looks stand point but then you find that you have zero chemistry with that person once they begin a conversation with you. My point is, physical attraction is a component of chemistry but chemistry is NOT only physical attraction. It is still possible to have chemistry with someone who you might not even be super attracted to upon meeting at first but once you cross paths, that spiritual connection is immediate. It does not take you five dates to say to yourself, “Oh I *think* I like this person now.” Nah, closer to five seconds because you either feel it on the spot or you don’t.

So if physicality is only a component of chemistry, then how else would you describe it? I would say that chemistry is that feeling you have when it is as though you have known that person for many lifetimes. You can meet one time, instantly click, and easily converse with each other for hours. You do not even notice the time when you are with this person. The spiritual connection you have is deep. The key is, it is NOT a one sided spark, it is a MUTUAL spark. You both feed off each other’s energies and the chemistry is palpable enough where any outsider can not only see it with their own eyes but they feel it too. If it is a one sided spark, I cannot label it as chemistry because it has to be a personal connection that two people share on an extremely intense level.

Scenario #1 – [Chemistry]: You arrive at a party setting where you are faced with many people you have never met before. It is crowded and dark but out of the corner of your eye, you see a guy you never saw before and he caught your attention. He is the only person at the party that was able to appear on your radar and you can’t help but do a double take as you wonder with fixated curiosity, “Who is that?” You then try to observe to the best of your ability to see if he is with someone only to find it looks as though he is single as well. Moments later you lock eyes from afar, now you are hooked on a feeling. A feeling that holds no meaning because you do not know a thing about this person. As luck or fate would have it (you can be the judge of that), this guy shows up in the forefront of your vision and he comes up to introduce himself. Not only is he even better looking in person, once the conversation ignites, it is even more apparent that you both are in an emotional trance with each other sparked by an initial attraction. Hours go by and when the night ends (or perhaps leads into morning since there is no sense of time after all), you both are left with a fervent feeling of bliss questioning when will you get to see each other again while also knowing with one hundred percent certainty that this will not be the last time because this is only the beginning.

Based on the series of events, it goes without saying that this is an idyllic and rather ideal dating scenario. For most people, I think this does not happen all too often so when it does, it actually leaves a lasting imprint on your emotions. Personally, I hardly encounter meeting someone that evokes that intense feeling to begin with. That in and of itself is rare but it can happen and when it does, you know it when you stumble across it. Even if I do meet a person who I feel that connection with, it does not always lead to it being taken a step further where I get the opportunity to have a conversation with that person in which it is not chemistry unless the other person feels that mutual magnetic pull as well. As I mentioned, it has to be a shared desire to want to explore each other and see if both emotional energies flow together. The physical draw is often the easy part to determine but it is the depth of the emotional attraction that qualifies it as chemistry.

Compatibility – Compatibility is measured by how similar you are to another person. There are endless components of compatibility in which I will make a list of some important ones (in no particular order as each individual’s priorities will vary) although I think there are many more besides the ones I listed.

– Life Goals – Do you have similar life goals and expectations for how you will live your life along with a similar time frame to accomplish these goals?
– Religion/Values – Do you share the same religious beliefs?
– Finances – Do you both have similar spending/saving habits?
– Location/Home – Do you both want to reside in the same area and envision the same type of home?
– Health/Wellness – Do you have similar eating/exercise habits?
– Leisure Time – Do you both spend your free time in similar ways and enjoy doing some of the same activities?
– Family Time – Do you both have similar preferences with how much time you enjoy spending with your own family and their family?
– Togetherness – Do you both have similar preferences with how much time you spend together and independently by yourself?
– Marriage/Children – Do you both see marriage and children in your future?
– Pets – Do you want to have pets and if so, how many and which animal(s)?

The list above features some key components when examining how much compatibility exists between two people. No two individuals are going to be exactly identical in terms of how much they share in common but the things that matter most should hopefully be somewhat similar when you are in a relationship driven by compatibility.

Scenario #2 – [Compatibility]: You are at Madison Square Garden about to see one of your favorite bands perform. This is your first time seeing them live and you end up going solo because you could not find anyone available to go but you did not want to miss out on a great show. You are in line to buy a drink and the person in front of you is wearing a hoodie with a university logo of the school that you went to. You do not strike a conversation with the person upon making this observation as this person appeared to be with a small group of people and it is not like he had left much of a lasting impression. As luck or fate would have it (again–you can be the judge of that), it turns out this guy and his group of friends are sitting in the same row as you. They have to get up so you can get to your seat and they all start talking to you since you are by yourself. The guy with the university logo hoodie graduated the same year as you and you find out that you have some mutual friends although you never met him before. He moved to the same area as you to take a job and since he is not too familiar with the area, he suggests getting together in the future. You only look at him as a friend but figured why not as you want to accept the friendly gesture. Before meeting up again, in the meantime you keep in touch via text to find out that you have much more in common than liking the same music, living in the same town, going to the same college, and even having some mutual acquaintances. It turns out that you both have a dog, have the same religious background, belong to the same gym, and enjoy playing golf on the weekends. You begin to ponder in admiration, “Is it possible to have this much in common with someone that I just met?” Despite all the commonalities, you are not so easily convinced yet this could lead to anything romantic given you did not really feel that kind of physical nor emotional spark when you first met at the concert but at the same time, you feel a level of comfort knowing you both share so much in common to begin with.

Despite a level of uncertainty whether there is any underlying romance, at least it is certain that there are many similarities that would bring two people together. As the common saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” I think it sometimes can be easier to meet someone that has a lot in common with you, especially in a scenario like this when meeting at a concert in which you already know you share similar music interests and potentially other things in common that go way beyond music.

Now understanding the difference between chemistry and compatibility, what is more important in terms of guaranteeing a more happy relationship in the long run? Of course the simple answer is, the relationship needs both chemistry and compatibility–there is no disputing that. Of course you do want both to some degree. Personally, I do not think I could date someone where the chemistry is non existent and the physical attraction level is below the fifty percent mark no matter how much we have in common. I also do not think it is healthy to rely too heavily on chemistry because over time, you might find you have almost nothing in common. Chemistry (unfortunately) can often times be blinding. You can naturally get too caught up in a moment with someone and think they are everything you could ever want in a romantic partner (that is the first mistake as no one can be that perfect or fulfill your every relationship requirement) and eventually, that feeling can slowly fade away over time once your true differences start to rise to the surface. More often than not, those differences can cause friction on any relationship and one to deteriorate altogether, even a bond that seemingly was so loving in those very early stages of the courtship.

Which leads me to the final point that compatibility is the foundation of any fulfilling long term relationship and when choosing a future life partner. Yes, there should be some level of natural chemistry and attraction towards one another but the relationship cannot survive on just chemistry alone. More importantly, compatibility on various degrees needs to be established which are determined by what you prioritize most in a relationship.

Begin a Blog Basics – Why Create a Blog and How to Get Started

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Since the launch of this website, I have had a few people approach me on the subject of starting a blog and what are the necessary steps in creating one. Although this particular blog is new, I have blogged throughout the years in which I am comfortable giving myself the title of a “blogger” with enough experience to give some general advice and tips on how to design your very own blog website for the first time.

For starters, why even write a blog to begin with? I am the biggest advocate that just about everyone should create a blog and that everyone is fully capable in doing so. There are countless reasons to blog! You can write about a specific hobby that you are most passionate about because chances are, there are people out there like yourself with the same hobby and who want to read about it. You can write about your day-to-day life and think of it as a digital diary. If you want to take the more professional route, I think that is especially wonderful because you can utilize a blog as an outlet to write about your expertise on your profession–no matter what you do for a living. This allows you to educate your prospective clients while also building a reputation as an authority within your field. There is always a purpose behind blogging whether it is on a personal level or a professional one. Whatever it is that most interests you and that you feel you have a strong voice or mastery of, then I say with 100% certainty, go for it.

Now that we have established that you are ready to move forward and create one, the main question is how?

Brainstorm Ideas and Determine the Main Purpose of Your Blog – This can take some time but the planning part is a beneficial preliminary step before you can actually move on to the actual design and writing process. It is important to think about what you want to write about, who your main audience will be, and what is your specific niche and/or theme behind your blog.

Think of a Domain Name – The domain name is the name of your actual website and what will become your web address. This step is one of the most important steps and one that you should really think about long and hard. Once you choose a domain name that best represents your subject matter, brand, and/or what it is you are looking to promote or represent, it will pretty much be your domain name for life. It is possible to come up with more than one domain name that can directly go to one main website but you do want to think of at least one really good one that is in direct relation to your content and essentially the title of your website.

The trickiest thing about this step is that most likely you will find that almost every domain that you initially come up with is already taken and belongs to another person or business. I would say that any one word domain name is probably off the market so you will definitely have to think of something that has a minimum of two words. Many bloggers often times like to use their first and last names to name their website which for many works out unless their name is a very popular one.

[For me personally, it took me weeks to come up with the name of this website. There was never a shortage of ideas but I found many were already taken or the name did not fully represent the main theme behind the blog. I wrote lists of words and tried pairing them up but nothing was clicking enough to my liking. One day, I thought of “makeupyourlife.com” and saw no one had a website with that name but it turned out that someone purchased the domain name and when I asked the domain title company what the quote was to purchase it, they got back to me that the owner was looking to sell it for $3400 but was open to negotiations. Needless to say, that was a huge ‘no thank you’ so after further thinking along the lines of this original name, maybe 24 hours later, I came up with the title phrase, “Make Up the Life You Love.” Although it was a much longer title than I anticipated, I thought this was creative enough to capture the essence of what I was all about and knew there was no way that anyone else would have it].

Create a WordPress Account – I would normally say, do your research and choose a blogging platform to start up your blog but I am going to save you that step altogether and just tell you to go with WordPress. WordPress is by far the best out there technologically speaking and for many years has been classified as the most popular blog software. [There is actually both a wordpress.com and wordpress.org. I personally have always used the .com version although I have read that there are many benefits of using the .org. That is something you might want to take further investigate on your own time but I can tell you from all my years of using wordpress.com, I have always been pretty happy with the outcome. Aside from using it to create a blog, I designed both my actual professional makeup artist websites using WordPress].

Once you create an account, this is where you will register your domain name in which WordPress will allow you to register with them directly unless you have already purchased your domain name elsewhere and you can then link it to WordPress. You will also be expected to choose which membership you want. You have the option to start one totally free but I would recommend purchasing an actual monthly plan (when you pay for it, a one time yearly fee is charged on the spot and it renews each year) because you are given more options and design tools. I have always chosen the Premium plan and find that this is just enough to suit my basic blogging needs.

Design Your Website – Depending on how creative and/or tech savvy you are, this can either be the most fun part or the most arduous step for you–or perhaps a little combination of both. Honestly, this is definitely the most tedious part of the whole blog project. Not only do you have to create the design pretty much from scratch, you also need to come up with some general content (such as your biography if you choose to write one or whatever sections that will be the main components of your blog other than your actual daily posts). The good news is that with WordPress, it is fairly user friendly with plenty of templates to choose from so you are not required to have to know any major coding although any little bit you do know will be helpful in making the design process a smooth one. There are many design tools along with online resources and live support to help you get to your final design.

Write and Post Some Articles – This part is really up to you in terms of how much content you want to initially present on your blog before having the website go up live (FYI, while you are working on the design, you can do so privately so it is not up publicly on the internet upon creating a WordPress account meaning that only you can view it until you launch it publicly). Personally, I wanted to post a month’s worth of content before I posted it live just so that readers had a little bit of content they could read first to get a general sense of the material and get acquainted with myself as the author.

Launch Your Blog on the Internet – Once you go through my checklist of the steps above of what is needed to create your blog along with writing some initial posts, it is time to launch your blog website publicly for the world to see. Now that it is up, you can start by sharing it with friends/family and depending on how much traffic you want to generate, you can begin to market your blog to build your audience. This can be done by signing up for a separate social media account that you can link to your blog and every time you write a post, you can create a social media post that directs people to go to your blog to read it.

Congratulations! If you have made it to the final step, then it is official, you are a blogger now! 🙂 Keep in mind that blogging is a writing commitment that takes time, dedication, and consistency. It requires hard work but at the same time it is enjoyable and incredibly rewarding on so many levels.

How to Manage Your Time When You Have Too Much Time – 5 Ways to Increase Your Productivity

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One would think that the more time you have, the more productive you are; however, that is not always the case. The lack of structure can actually make it even more challenging to increase your productivity during the day. When you have your day set with booked appointments, assigned work hours, and planned engagements, you can be held accountable for how you are investing your time.

Due to the current pandemic we are facing, there are many people who now have more time than they ever did before. Many find themselves unemployed or are forced to stay at home the majority of the day due to social distancing practices and business closures which has also put limits on our social lives. Time is one of our most valuable resources so it is essential to actually maximize this extra time we now have on our hands rather than let it waste away and have nothing to show for it. I am not saying that you should not utilize this time towards some relaxation or to catch up on some Netflix series but do you want to look back during this moment in your life and see it as lost time in which you could have done more but you didn’t?

Whether we are living through a pandemic or not, let’s take a look at some ways to better manage your time during your day-to-day life:

  • Plan Your Day the Day Before – If you do not already take the time to write daily to-do lists for yourself, then now is a good time to start. When I say write it down, I literally mean, get out a piece of paper and a pen and write it down! If you prefer the more digital route and rather write your lists on your cell phone or computer, then that can work effectively as long as you actually look at it and have access to it. I am constantly writing to do lists for myself for the week and for the day ahead. I find writing a general list of what I absolutely want to get done the day before is a good time management technique because I am planting the seed in my mind the day before of what my upcoming day is going to look like as opposed to just being spontaneous about it. Often times, I do not get every single thing accomplished and that is okay! I make sure I prioritize what is most important that I get done first and leave the remaining items on the list for the following day. Certain tasks might take a series of days to accomplish anyhow so it is important to be realistic about how much you can actually do. Everyone has their own way of pacing themselves and the goal is to find that balance without stressing yourself with too much or not assigning yourself with enough things to do to begin with.
  • Set Alarms and Set Aside Specific Times – If you want to take your daily to-do list a step further, choose specific times of your day that you are actually going to do a certain activity. When I set an alarm during the day and it goes off, I know I have to stop whatever it was that I was currently doing to go work on the assigned task I wanted to accomplish at that specific time. This is important because if you do not assign a time, you might keep putting it off until you reach the end of the night and you realize you did not get what you really wanted to get done. Even if it is a simple task, setting an appointment for yourself will better ensure that you follow through and can check it off your list by the end of the day.
  • Reduce the Digital Distractions – We live in a world where often times we are attached to our cell phones and/or computers. It is okay to put it aside sometimes and not check on it at certain points during your day. There are ways to reduce the distractions by turning off all the notifications altogether or by leaving the phone in another room so it is not at arm’s reach. This way there is no temptation to pick it up and check on your latest messages or get lost on social media.
  • Incorporate Do Not Disturb Hours – Mainly at night, I literally have “do not disturb” hours at a certain point where I will not take any phone calls after a certain time. Lately, my evenings have been my designated times of productivity in which I refuse to take a phone call during those hours. I will just let it go to voicemail or I might send a quick text saying that I will return the phone call the following day or at a time that works best for them. Whatever those times are for you, set blocks of time during the day that you will under no circumstances (unless it is an emergency) take phone calls. This will help you stay focused and get more accomplished without any disruptions.
  • Find Ways to Recharge – As much as it is important to want to stay self motivated and want to accomplish as much as you can in one day, there should also be some down time and breaks added to prevent yourself from over working yourself. For me personally, I like to go out for a walk on a nice day or I might take the time to connect with someone by making a phone call. Another way I like to recharge is by taking a mini coffee break for an energy boost or on the opposite extreme, I find an afternoon nap to be extra satisfying and a real luxury when I make the time for one. The importance of clocking in enough sleep cannot be underestimated so on days I went to bed late and woke up too early, I find taking a nap in the mid afternoon can be extra beneficial in order for me to get more done later that day simply by obtaining a little extra rest.

This highlights some ways to more effectively manage your time, especially during instances when you might have more time than usual and want to continue to stay productive.

Embracing Your Racial Identity When You are Born Biracial

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According to my mother, the moment I was born, my mother’s side of the family looked at me and said I looked more Caucasian. Then my father’s side of the family looked at me for the first time and stated I looked more Asian. Despite their opposite perceptions, both are correct because I very well was born with two races.

Growing up, I did not “feel” very different even though I grew up in an area where no one like myself existed. My dad revealed to me during my young adult life that he actually had strong hesitations about having children because he knew that would mean I would be mixed and he feared that I would be bullied or as he words it, “tormented” during my childhood and essentially suffer from some sort of racial identity crisis. Luckily, I never had to experience either of his concerns but instead, I grew up feeling like I won the genetic jackpot where I reap the benefits of both worlds combined into one and that I get a rare opportunity to live my existence with not one but two races. Sounds like a great deal if you ask me (thanks mom and dad). I was also raised to believe that the more unique you are, the more valuable you are. Therefore, my perception of self growing up was always positive because I believed being different = being cool.

At the same time, growing up mixed can have its challenges as I find the few biracial people I have ever encountered or read about has had their very own individualized experiences growing up with a multiracial background that not everyone can relate to. Although personal life occurrences can differ from person to person and the racial mix can vary, I do know that every multiracial individual can relate to these exact experiences:

  • When you are given an important document and asked to check off the box for your race and “cultural enigma” isn’t an option, what box does a person with more than one race actually check off? When I am given the option to check off more than one, then that is an easy answer: I check off both Asian and Caucasian. When I am asked to only check off one, then I check off, “Other” because at the end of the day, I consider myself “other” because I do not identify with one race over the other as I was born with two. When “other” is NOT an option, then I am left quite unsure myself of the “correct” answer. (*Pondering to self* Hmm, why isn’t there a “None of the above” for this question since I do not know how I am supposed to only choose one?) Thankfully it is more widely accepted that there can be more than one answer checked off and I cannot think of the last time that this happened but there have been instances where I encountered “other” was NOT an option nor did I have the option to choose more than one.
  • The most commonly asked question upon meeting me as I am sure most mixed people like myself can relate to is this, “What are you?” This can be translated in other forms such as, “Where are you from?” “What is your ethnicity?” “Where were you born?” Many people who are biracial I find actually get offended by this question. Personally, the majority of the time I find this to be a compliment because the curiosity stems from their admiration of my mixed physicality, not asked in a way to offend me. Some people seem to think that asking can appear offensive but I do not get offended because A) I like learning about other cultures so I find it interesting to inquire about another person’s cultural identity. I have no problem asking someone this very same question, no matter what someone looks like, I simply am just as curious. B) I do not understand how asking someone who appears to be more diverse looking than someone else is perceived as offensive all of a sudden. C) Personally, I have always embraced that I was born with two races so I am proud to share my cultural background with anyone who asks.
  • People seem to like to categorize people as one race versus another and for whatever reason do not accept that an individual can be both. As exemplified at my birth, each race perceived me to NOT look like their own race. Growing up and even to this day, I actually find this to be rather strange how much perception can range quite dramatically depending on the race of the individual. Meaning that my race is solely determined by my physical appearance and based on what I most look like from the eyes of the beholder. If I appear to be more Caucasian to someone, then I am labeled a white girl or if I look more Asian to someone else, I am only seen as an Asian girl. Someone who is Caucasian may comment, “Oh because you are Asian, you must [fill in the Asian stereotype of your choice].” Someone who is Asian might say to me, “You are not really Asian because you are half white.” I have even encountered Asian makeup clients specifically ask me, “Do you have experience doing makeup on Asian women?” The best reply I can offer is, “Why yes, I am half Asian so I sure can.” 😉 This is why I like to point out to people that I am both Asian and Caucasian and depending on the context, I have no problem politely correcting someone that the correct term for describing me is biracial (not “Asian girl” or “white girl”) whenever anyone tries to put me in a box and label me as only one single race. Why can’t others acknowledge that is it possible for an individual to have a multiracial background and why am I expected to only associate with one side?

No matter what your racial identity is, I think it is important to be proud of who you are while at the same time, race is not everything. Being born biracial, I equally identify with both sides of me and will continue to embrace my cultural heritage with great pride and encourage everyone to do the same. [On a final note, in case you are now wondering, I am specifically Chinese, Maltese, German, and Irish].

All Lives Matter – More Awareness and Empathy is Needed in This World

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Since the horrifying and inhumane death of George Floyd a little over a week ago, it has caused a tremendous amount of pain, outrage, and sadness across the United States and around the world. While there has been peaceful protesting to bring more awareness to the underlying issue of inequality, there has also been an escalation of destruction that has struck major American cities in the form of looting, arson, and acts of violence–mainly directed towards the police although it has also impacted innocent bystanders. I recognize that not all the riots and protests are in direct correlation with the death of George Floyd; however, it is clear that his death has stirred many intense feelings due to the common theme of injustice without consequences more often than not towards the African American community. The truth of the matter is, racism still very much exists in this country yet no one wants to talk about it. It may be an uncomfortable subject matter for many people so often times it is an afterthought or consequently ignored altogether. Now more than ever before, I think it is necessary that people speak up and take the time to have these open discussions. We as people and as a society need to empathize with the lives that are wrongfully taken away and bring awareness to the problems we are facing. We need solutions because staying silent is not the answer as silence is a form of indifference and no real change can come from that. I am not in support of violence or acts of terror but I understand where it is coming from. People are finding ways to react by rebelling and many are left at their breaking points because this has happened way too many times now. Just a few months prior, we had the death of Ahmaud Arbery which also left me outraged and heartbroken. It does not matter what the color of your skin is to know the difference between what is right and what is wrong. I do not have to be an African American to feel the pain that they feel. I might never fully be able to understand what it feels like to be discriminated against on a daily basis or have to fear my life is on the line when confronted by a police officer but I do recognize that this is not acceptable and it should no longer be tolerated.

While many preach “black lives matter,” I think the better message should be, “ALL lives matter.” We do not need to keep continuing to divide ourselves based on race and other factors to set us apart from one another. We are all human beings, so I firmly believe that all lives matter and that should be the mantra we preach together as one.